Revision summary

This summary is every correction related with the second draft of my literacy narrative
essay. After the first draft, I got some useful suggestions from my peers. I am happy of
seeing an improvement in the writings, even if it is small.
The first change included was the addition of the direct quote and the paraphrase, using
Deborah Brant and Richard Stramb as a reference. Following with this, my peers
realized that the thesis should be included in the introduction and in the closing. Also,
they suggested me to erase some details that made the essay even longer that is now.
This has been a difficult work to do, because as a writer I like to detail every curious
aspect from people, the surroundings, etc. Writing about details catch the audience
attention, but I have to learn how to summarize in order to not overwhelm the important
details of the essay. Moreover, a lot of grammar mistakes were found, as well as some
confusing sentences.
The last but not least, I forgot to write a title for the assignment. The title tries to reflect
the main thesis: not all my literacy has been created with books. For the future
assignments, the main objective that I will try to achieve is to use a correct writing
formal, because I tend to use a more personal one, which cannot be considered as
academic format.
 Experiences are more valuable than books
Someone rang my doorbell. I didnt have any idea who they could be, maybe my
brother? No, why would he ring the bell when he had the keys? The postman? When I
opened the door, I was surprised to see my neighbor Pablo. He was an old, kind man
who lived near us in a fancy-decorated house with his husband Jaume. The first thing in
mind was he wanted to talk with my mom about neighborhood issues.
Hello Pablo, Im sorry but mom is working.I told him.
Hi Estel, how are you? It wasnt your mother who I was looking for.
Maybe here I should specify that what I said was in Catalan, my native language. The
response I got was in English. Why was he talking to me in English? He had lived in the
U.S for twenty years, but he spoke a perfect Catalan. Well, he was getting old, so maybe
he was starting to mix languages.
Excuse me? I answer him again, in Catalan.
I dont understand you if you speak to me in Catalan! Your mother phoned me
yesterday and we talked about your English course in High School. So, I think that you
will have to call me Paul now.
My face turned white when I heard the words English and High School. To be
honest, they were the only words I barely understood. I got the marks the previous day
and they were great, except from English. I failed it. So, I started putting two and two
together.

Next day I headed to his particular yellow house. The lessons with Paul were not the
same as in high school. We would sit in a table and talk about the latest news, the
weather, and after that he would see my assignments.
Irregular verbs? That is so easy my dear! Ok, now we are gonna sing a song to
remember them.
What I liked from Paul was his positivity. He would always motivate me to do the most
boring homework and to study the most difficult things. Paul taught me tricks to
remember grammar rules by using songs. Thats what my literacy has been made about;
not only books, but interaction with people. When I started to get confidence, he started
to teach me things in advance.

But Paul, we are not doing this in class.

It is nice to learn new things in life. You will see its not difficult!
At high school I became the one who would sit at front row in English. I was getting the
reputation of a good student, and you know how kids are by the age of 13. Nevertheless,
when they saw I started to get good marks, people would sit next to me to ask for help
and to do homework together.
My family was proud of my work and the grades were good and the teachers would tell
them how happy they were. By the age of 16, my brother moved to Brussels to join a
Commercial Flight academy. Honestly, it was hard just seeing him two times during the
year. We loved to do Skype talks and explain our days and routine.

So, mom told me youre doing great with Paul?

 Yes! Im awesome at English now!
If I talked you in English, would you understand me?
With this we started a cool tradition that we keep doing now. We could spend hours
talking, and he corrected me every time I did a mistake. He would also check my
essays, making suggestions and corrections. He did as Richard Stramb said in his article
Responding-Really Responding- to other students. He pointed to problems in a constructive
way for improvement (Stramb, 17). We had a good relationship with my eldest brother, but
He has always been there when I needed help. After he finished his studies, he officially
became a commercial pilot with outstanding marks. He quickly found a job in Ireland,
where he is currently living.
During my last year of high school, I was proposing new challenges to myself. Paul
encouraged me to take the First Certificate Exam, and I was combining my studies from
high school with my rowing practices. I know maybe it sounds weird, but doing rowing
for 7 years has helped me to be better at English too. Every year, teams from Great
Britain come to my hometown to train in our lake. This gave me the chance to speak
and prove my English with them, and I became the personal assistant of my coach
Carles when he needed a translator.

It was thanks to rowing that I had the change to set off one of my greatest adventures.
One day, I received an email from someone called Mike Connors, who was the head
coach from Sacramento States Rowing team. It was a long e-mail with a lot of
information, but at the first moment I knew what was going on. He wanted to Skype
with me in order to talk about my future. Coach Connors was so nice and surprised with
my English. We sent each other e-mails, which helped me to get my confidence in
writing. Also, I had to study for the SAT and the TOEFL, who was a hard thing to do,
but I got good marks and in the first attempt! I think it would not have been possible
without Pauls help, who followed my progress and cheered me on when I felt down
and unmotivated. His classes gave me the chance to have the base of literacy for my
future. As Debora Brant state during her writing Sponsors of Literacy:

More and more people are now being expected to accomplish more and more things
with reading and writing. As print and its spinoffs have entered virtually every sphere of
life, people have grown increasingly dependent on their literacy skills for earning a
living and exercising and protecting their civil rights (Brant, 10).

His tips are also helping me during my classes at Sacramento State. In fact, here I am,
learning something new from my teachers and peers. There are other ways to learn new
things not only from books. I think that the most valuable experiences I had were the
ones shared in my English classes with Paul. Moreover, the fact of being surrounded by
people who dominate English (my brother, international rowers, or the rowing crew
from Sacramento State) is what has helped me to improve my English skills. It is hard
facing new things; but as Paul once told me, It is always nice to learn new things in
life.