Running Head: SELF-ESTEEM AND THE MIDDLE EASTERN WOMAN 1

Self-esteem and the Middle Eastern Woman

Abeer Abdulahad
Pacific Oaks College
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As a woman who was born and raised in the Middle East for 27 years, its hard to find

women who speak out or be in charge of men at work or even at home. The era I am focusing in

on is Iraq in the mid-seventies to 2000, the years I spent living there. In general, Middle Eastern

women didnt have the opportunity to be equal to men, and even if they had the courage to speak

up, women were silenced either by shaming or even forcefully. There are some exceptions in

Middle Eastern countries where women are viewed as capable enough to be the head of a

household or work place. Still, even fewer Middle Eastern countries, or even cities, will educate

a woman on how to lead and take care of herself.

In the culture where I grew up, women were taught to obey men. Starting from the first

couple years of school, it was taught that women, and girls in general, are weak and that men are

better than them. Women were conditioned not to speak up because its a big shame culturally.

Women get abused, both physically and mentally, by their parents at home, by strangers on the

street, and later by their husbands, and they are unable to defend themselves because they know

that they will get more hurt, or even killed. They dont have voice.

The majority of Iraqis are Muslim. I am a Catholic, born in Iraq, and raised by very strict

Catholic parents. Catholics were about 3% of the countrys population in the 1970s, and

currently only make up around 1% of the population. To live in a country where the majority are

Muslims means we had to follow, share, and live their Arabic-Muslim culture, traditions,

celebrations, holidays, language, clothes and the way they wear them, and the law of their Quran.

Since Muslim law views women as less than men, women are not expected and encouraged to be

equal or be put in leadership positions. My religion and beliefs are different, but since we lived

in a Muslim land, we had to follow their rules or suffer consequences. My parents are very

peaceful people and never went looking for trouble, so we were guided by the majority with no
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right to speak up or complain. The lack of support and not believing in women and their rights is

what leads to have no self-esteem.

In the book, Women's Education in Developing Countries: Barriers, Benefits, and

Policies, the author claims that in countries like Egypt and Saudi Arabia, women began to be

educated at school between the 1950s-1980s, but men were afraid of this change because they

just wanted women to be controlled by them and to obey them. Due to the education and self-

esteem built through that, women started to believe in gender equality and in their right to assert

themselves.

Also, in the book, Do Women have a Fragile Sense of Self-esteem? by Salma Barakat, the

author talks about some Lebanese women in Lebanon who have the freedom and education, so

much so that they have gone on to participating in the Miss Universe pageant. Those women

have the courage and self-esteem to be part of these big events and to participate and get

involved with all the preparation and requirements to win. The only difference between these

girls and the ones in other, more oppressed Middle Eastern countries is that these girls were

given an education that wasnt focused on putting them down.

I interviewed a variety of women, up to 8 women, from the Middle East differing in age,

culture, and country where they grew up. I shared with them about my project and subject, and I

asked them about their feelings and their self-esteem, and how comfortable they were when they

were living back home in their countries. The following are my results:

Women #1: 34 years old, an Iraqi-Catholic that left Iraq eight years ago. I met her at my

friends house a month ago, and she said that she was able to attend a university in Iraq and

graduated as an engineer. Then she added that she wasnt able to apply for a job. One of the

reasons being that she was shy and didnt have the courage to speak to strangers since she wasnt
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taught how to speak up or to be social with people around her. The second reason was because

men didnt want women to work and get better positions than them, which would lead women to

believing they have the right to speak up and have the right to be seen as equal to them. She said

that even her parents didnt encourage her to speak up so that she wouldnt be in trouble. She

started laughing when I shared with her about my subject. She shared that most the women in the

Middle East dont have self-esteem because of the Islamic religion and that their Quran teaches

that women are les than men and they are only to serve men.

Women #2 and #3: 38 and 44years old Iraqi Muslims who live in Iraq currently. Theyre

my cousins friends. I talked to them for about an hour on a group call, and they were happy to

share with me that #2 is a doctor, graduating from medical school ten years ago. Her parents

didnt let her practice her job, but had her get married instead. When she got married, her

husband asked her to wear a hijab and stay at home as a housekeeper. She said that she wished to

have a voice and the right to speak up, but she couldnt do anything because she needed to obey

her husband because of her religion.

On the other hand, #3 is an elementary teacher; she is divorced and has a son. Her

husband wanted her to wear the hijab after they got married and not to work anywhere, but to

stay at home. She said that she had the courage to say no with more self-esteem, but that cost her

to lose her husband. She has been divorced for at least 15 years and no other man wanted to

married her because she has self-confidence and fights for her rights. She said that men around

her dont like it and she received threatening letters to put hijab on. She is currently trying to

leave the country with her little boy and find her freedom somewhere else.

Woman #4 is 36 years old. She is a Catholic from Syria. I met her at the church we both

attend and she told me that she lived in Syria for 25 years until she got married to a distant
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American-Syrian cousin that was living in the United States at the time. #4 said that her parents

back home didnt even let her finish her high school because of the pressure of other Muslim

communities around them. Women were not allowed to finish high school so they dont know

what it is to have a right or to have self-esteem to speak up and demand to be equal to men. #4

was happy to get married and move to the United States. She finished her schooling here and

now she is working with her husband at their own pizza place. She said that she manages the

store on her own. She has enough self-esteem to talk to the customers, help her employees, and

solve problems when the need arises. She said that the environment here, and the people around

her, made a big difference and positively affected her personality and self-esteem.

Women #5 and #6 are sisters from Jordan. They are 52 and 54 years old, respectively.

They are Christians that I met them at my cousins house two weeks ago. They were both moved

to the United States 23 years ago with their parents. They both shared that they graduated from

colleges in Jordan, but moved here because their dads job was here. #5 works in an engineering

company. She shared that she was in charge of one of art club during her years studying in the

college. She said that it was hard for her to speak up and have the courage to lead that club in her

first year of college. Then at the end of the second year, she had that self-esteem to fight for her

rights and convinced her college peers to elect her. #5 said that it was hard to speak up as a

woman living in Jordan, but with the help of other women who supported her, she was finally

able to be in charge of that club and manage it very well. Woman #6 got married after she moved

to the United States. She shared that its hard to have self-esteem while dealing with men in the

Middle East. Although they were Christians, she said that they would get in trouble with their

families if they speak up, just because they are women.

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Woman #7 is an Iraqi-Muslim; she is 39 years old. She moved to the United States 9

years ago with her two daughters. Woman number 7 is divorced; she was married for eight years

then got divorced after she kept on fighting for her rights to speak up using her voice and to be

heard by her husband. She said that he would hurt her if she wasnt listening to his words and

obeying him. She also said that she was in high school when she got married. She stayed at home

as a housekeeper after she was married. She also shared that her husband never listened to her

while talking to him or even ask her opinion about anything and thats what made problems

begin.

Woman #8 is an Iraqi-Catholic. She is 46 years old. She lived in Iraq for 29 years then

moved to the United States with her husband and little daughter. Number 8 is a doctor. She

shared that she used to follow what her parents and teachers said at home and at school. She

didnt used to complain or argue because she knew that her voice was not herd and that she

would be in trouble if she didnt follow their rules. When I spoke to her, she was laughing and

asked, What self-esteem are you talking about? You know that nobody will hear us back home

because we are women. She has been living in the U.S. for 17 years. She worked hard taking

her exams and passed her tests to get licensed as a practitioner. She is a supervising doctor in a

hospital. She told me that people here respect and evaluate her opinion even if I she is mistaken.

She said that she has a strong self-esteem and confidence in herself now.

From what I experienced, read about, and heard, women in the Middle East can barely

speak with any self-esteem. If the male-dominated religion, culture, and traditions control what

women can say, do, wear, and think, then there is no way a woman can express herself or her

opinions, leading her to repress her thoughts and live a miserable life knowing she will never be

heard. Self-esteem is first taught at home. When we have parents, a community, and an
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environment that encourages and supports ones ideas and respects their opinions and thoughts,

then one will have strong self-esteem and grow up with enough confidence in themselves to be

able to help and support themselves, their home and their community in the future. Growing in a

Catholic family surrounded by a Muslim community didnt give me the chance to believe that

my voice is important and that my views and opinions matter, if not to anyone else, then to

myself. Moving to the United States and attending colleges here opened my eyes to the

differences between here and back home in Iraq. I enjoyed reading and learning from the books

Messages and The Users Guide to the Being Human how to believe in myself and never give up

and how to learn from my mistakes. I know now that having self-esteem and having my voice

heard doesnt only benefit me, but being confident in myself enables me to succeed and better

help my community and those around me. I see this in my American teens who are raised here in

a community that supports, respects, encourages, evaluates and appreciates their voices and

presence.
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Reference Page

Barakat, S. Do Women have a Fragile Sense of Self-esteem?

King, E. M. & Hill, A. M. (1998). Womens education in developing countries: Barriers,

benefits, and policies. Baltimore: Published for the World Bank [by] the Johns Hopkins

University Press.

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. Messages

Miller, S.E. The Users Guide to the Being Human