To. Prof.

Julia Intawiwat
From: John Foreman
Subject: Exercise 3, pg. 77
Date: 10/19/2017

There are many improvements that could have been implemented in this memo which would have
made the information more easily readable, more concise, and easier to understand in general. A few of
these suggestions for improvement would be:

The information could have been arranged in a more flowing manner in that the ideas could
have been put in a better arrangement. This would have made it so that the information was
easier to grasp and less confusing.
The writing could have been a lot less critical about past behaviors and failures. The memo
should have only included information that would be useful to the reader. Instead, a lot of the
information that was provided was critical of the people and what they did in the past.
In some places, the memo seemed to bolster the author as a very responsible person while it
tore down the reader which can push the reader away. It should have been more motivational
and understanding so that the readers would feel more obligation to the issues that were
presented.
There was far too much writing in the memo as it stated long drawn out examples that were
unimportant to the reader.
There could have been more solutions to the issues that were presented so that the reader
would feel like they could do something to solve the problems that were presented.
Many of the thoughts could have been summed up in short bullet points that would have been
far more interesting to read.
The sentences could have been shorter in some places to keep the reader engaged with the
ideas in the form of variety.