Christian Green

Sheila Fielding, Instructor

WRTC 103
September 18, 2017
Evaluating The Unknown

Our reality is simple; we cannot prove or disprove anything beyond our own perceptions.

At least, that is how I personally view the world. However, my parents did not raise me to think

in this manner. Born into a Christian family, I was inclined to believe in God, whom was

believed to be the all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-forgiving entity that created us and the

environment in which we lived. I went to church, prayed before meals, and looked for Gods

helping hand when in need. Although as a young boy I regularly practiced religious activities,

had certain faith in God, and was constantly around Christian symbolism, age brought with it a

new perspective, and introduced an abundance of philosophical questions. The mere realization

of the worlds size urged me in the direction of agnosticism; a belief that neither supports, nor

denies the actual existence of God.

Beliefs regarding the unknown have been around since the dawn of society. However,

Christianity itself emerged in Jerusalem around the First Century C.E., gaining a huge following

due to its loving and forgiving principles (Christianity 1). It quickly spread through Europe

behind the supposed son of God, Jesus Christ. Although it was popular, it was neither the only,

nor the first religion during the time of its birth and expansion. Since then, it has flourished

throughout the world, and maintains to be one of the most popular religions in the world today

(Christianity 1). Because of this, Christianity has managed to make its way into my family

lineage, and ultimately into my own life.

 My first official encounter with religion came through CCD, or the Confraternity of

Christian Doctrine. It was an education program designed to incorporate Christianity into

students lives. Taking place at our local Christ The Redeemer church, I gloomily attended

after school on Mondays and Wednesdays. After a long day of middle-school at Seneca Ridge, I

would always excitedly exit the building and jog onto the long, yellow school bus only to

remember that my day was not over; I still had to go to CCD. While I knew it was something I

had to do, and something more important than regular school, I maintained a negative attitude

towards the program for an unknown reason. When the bus finally dropped me off at my cozy

and relaxing home, I would always try coming up with an elaborate scheme to get out of going to

CCD. Whether it was immediately running upstairs to my room and locking the door, or starting

a random conversation with my mom to make her forget the time, I somehow always failed to

get out of my inevitable future. When my mom knocked on my bedroom door, or startlingly

stopped our conversation to remind me of CCD, I knew I had failed.

Sometimes, I would forget about CCD, and my moms reminder would seem to pop

inconveniently out of nowhere. Instead of failing at preventing my departure for church studies, I

would go outside and partake in my normal activity; playing with my best friends, Bryce and

Sam, near the edge of the large neighborhood forest. We were extremely creative children, and

were in the middle of role-playing an epic, made-up fantasy that entailed sweaty warfare and

magic characters. Just before we got to the climax of the story, which involved the slaying of

hundreds of imaginary villains, I heard my mom calling to me.

Its time for CCD, Christian! She said. Instantly coming back to reality, I remembered

it was Monday.
 Glum and down, I made my way back across the street towards my mom. She was

standing on the driveway, car keys in hand, ready to go. While I was clearly not self-motivated to

leave, I deep-down knew it was something I had to do; my parents expected it of me. I stepped

into the car, buckled my seat belt, and let out a sigh. While my mom backed out of the driveway,

I briefly peered out of the rear window, and solemnly glimpsed my friends continuing to play

without me.

God comes first. my mom said. We steered out of the neighborhood in the family van,

and headed for CCD.

Upon our arrival at the church drop-off lot, my mom parked the car, and spoke to me in a

motherly tone.

Its not for that long, and its only twice a week. You need to give up time for God. She

exclaimed.

I nodded my head and responded, I know, mom.

Getting out of the car, I shut the door behind me and entered the building of faith. The

aroma was calm, the air smelled pure, and the architecture was pristine; it was perfect. Finding

my classroom, I walked in and sat down right on time. We started immediately. Our conversation

topics ranged from stories regarding Moses and other saints, to the actual event of death and

entering heaven. Curious about something, I asked a question.

What happens to people that dont believe in God? Do they go to hell? My instructor

thought for a moment before responding.

 Im not sure, but I believe that after death, God presents himself to that person, and

gives him or her a chance to believe. If they still dont, then theyre sent to hell.

This was an interesting response; he had gone off the script, and presented an idea of

his own. This was unusual for my instructor to do, since all my other questions were answered

with a Bible verse or a written explanation. I thought about Christianitys values, and whether or

not my instructor could be right. I never pondered whether I agreed or disagreed with what my

instructor said, and I felt weird inside. Missing the bigger picture, I went home and fell asleep,

ending my unorthodox day.

As I grew older, I still believed in God, but a few uncertainties were building up in the

back of my head. Now a freshman in high-school, I was adjusting to my new freedoms and

wanted to do well. I planned to get all As on my report card and, having learned my lesson

about not doing my history homework, would focus extra hard in my prestigious pre-AP world

history class. My authentic and enthusiastic teacher, Ms. Marnell, taught us about the evolution

of mankind and how society came to be. However, one aspect of the class caught my attention;

every society we learned about had its own religion. Of course, I was aware of varying religions

throughout the world, but I had never studied their origins in a classroom. On the day we finally

learned about the birth of my own religion, Christianity, my friend Tommy broke the ice. After

the lecture about how Christianity was conceived, which significantly strayed from my church

lessons, Tommy quickly raised his hand and asked a question.

Why are you telling us what to believe? Tommy asked defensively.

Im not telling you what to believe. Im simply teaching you world history. Ms.

Marnell responded.
 I sat there for a minute consumed by my own thoughts. Whom was I to believe my

history or church teacher? History was supposed to be an objective subject, but so was my CCD

class, and yet, they were contradicting each other. The Bible made claims different from what

historians knew, but did that make the Bible wrong? I was overflowing with philosophical

questions in a frustrating way; I needed to understand more.

Photo taken on Thursday, September 14th, 2017

Concerned with what was true, I started to question my beliefs.
 At home, I went upstairs into my parents bedroom, and turned on the family desktop

computer. Opening an internet browser, I typed The History of Christianity and hit the search

button. Finding mostly what Ms. Marnell had lectured about, I was not surprised. However,

going into deeper research, I learned about other interesting facts regarding changes to the

religion. The biggest change I read about concerned Galileo and his troubles with the church.

Galileo was a brilliant physicist and astronomer born in 1564. He was put on house arrest (for

life) for not supporting the theory that everything revolved around the Earth (Machamer 3-4).

Although he was scientifically correct in supporting the idea that the Earth and planets revolved

around the sun, it did not support what was currently thought to be true, and he was punished by

the Holy Office for being a heretic (Machamer 4).

I was struck with anger, sympathy, and confusion all at the same time. Galileo was

shunned for having a valid viewpoint, and had life opportunities stripped from his hands.

Although this occurred during harsher times, it showed me that Christianitys history was not

flawless like I thought before, and that it could still be imperfect today. Researching made me

realize what religion was; it was merely an idea that could or could not be true. The church did

not have all the answers; it had faith that its ideas, among the thousands of others throughout the

world, were the only truths. Similar to how I felt when my CCD instructor gave me an

improvised response, I felt conflicted; I no longer felt a strong, intrinsic connection to

Christianity and God. Hearing somebody coming, possibly my mom, I quickly and furiously

exited the internet browsers. I did not want my heavily religious family to know that my faith

was diminishing. While inside I felt more spiritually solved, I still felt somewhat wrong in

coming to this conclusion. My religious parents, who had named me after their faith, no longer

had a fully Christian son.

 Slowly coming to see more flaws in the history of Christianity, my worldview was

drastically changing. Prayers before family meals became awkward, and church on Sundays had

my undivided attention, for what were the priests actually saying? Before, I never understood

how atheism, a disbelief in God, could exist; I now understood completely. However, I could not

become an atheist myself. I found the same flaw in atheism that I did with Christianity; it was

making claims that disregarded our very rational observation: the claim that we as living people

can and do understand what happens to ourselves after death. I had arrived at agnosticism.

Although I felt bad about turning my back on my parents values, I came to understand that this

was my judgement to make, not theirs, and I was content with my own evaluation of the

unknown. While I still respect their beliefs, I will no longer feel pressured by my family and

society to believe in God; he may not even exist.

 Works Cited

"Christianity." Britannica Academic, Encyclopedia Britannica, 27 Mar.

2017. academic.eb.com/levels/collegiate/article/Christianity/105945. Accessed 14 Sep.

2017.

Machamer, Peter. Galileo Galilei. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Stanford University,

10 May 2017, plato.stanford.edu/entries/galileo/#toc. Accessed 14 Sept. 2017.