Memorandum

To: Professor Thompson

From: Kyle Hartman
Date: September 10, 2017
Subject: Analysis of Past Lab Report

This memo details the areas required for professional writing that are strong or weak in a lab report on
Monomer Dimer Equilibrium I wrote for CHEM 307 Physical Chemistry. The sections below cover how
the report is or isnt concise, precise, and direct and evaluates any noticeable error.

Being Concise

To be concise means to write only the words necessary to meet your purpose for writing and the needs
of your audience to understand that purpose.

Unnecessary Repetition. I found examples of repeated information in some of my sentences.

For example, I repeated the idea that solvents behave differently two sentences in a row.
It is important to know how the solute will behave when dissolved in an organic solvent, as it will be
different than water, which is a polar solvent. In non-polar solvents there will be different reactions
between solvent and solute, altering the characteristics of the solution.

I could have removed one of these sentences and revised the structure to make it more
readable.

Level of Specifics and Detail. The following shows some of the methods used during the actual
experiment. There needs to be a lot of information documenting exactly how the experiment
was conducted since this is a lab report and may need to be replicated later.
These five solutions were then placed in a 25oC thermostat for 10 minutes. For the next 30 minutes, they
were removed every five minutes and shaken vigorously for 15 seconds each and replaced.

Unnecessary Modifiers. I found only a few examples of unnecessary modifiers in the paper. The
following is one example where the modifiers make some of the meaning more unclear.
The results for the aqueous phase taken out of our solutions and titrated looks approximately the same as
the toluene, with a mostly linear relationship.

These modifiers should be removed or replaced with more concrete adverbs.

Being Precise

To be precise means to use technical terminology appropriate to the audiences knowledge. It is

important to consider the audience when choosing which words to use so that the information is
conveyed in the appropriate manner without having to explain every term.

Jargon. I feel like I had the correct amount of jargon for the intended audience and level of the
class. Everyone who would be reading the report has a strong background in chemistry and the
principles used in this lab. A reader outside of the field might not know some terms, however.

intermolecular hydrogen bonding

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Titrations of the toluene and aqueous phases

concentration of monomer and dimer

Many of these phrases and terms are crucial to being able to understand the report, and if
someone without a background in chemistry wanted to read it, significant changes would need
to be made and a number of definitions provided. For the audience, however, these terms are
the most precise.

Being Direct

To be direct means to have a prose style that is straightforward and uses strong nouns and verbs, uses
mostly active voice, and makes good use of topic and stress positions.

Active and Passive Voice. Passive voice is used more often due to the fact that this is a lab
report and the person performing the actions is not as important. The following are a couple
examples of passive voice that might have been better as active voice.
Sodium hydroxide was prepared at approximately .5M from concentrated stock solution.

Each solution was then titrated with a 100mL burette with the prepared solution of .05412M sodium
hydroxide.

In each of these examples the use of active voice would have sounded better. Even though the
action is the focus, the second quote especially takes on a bit of the Dr. Frankenstein effect
where it sounds as if the object is performing the action. With more active voice sections like
this might be easier to comprehend.

Strong Nouns and Verbs. I noticed in several places in the report I used to be verbs, specifically
is.
happens when hydrogen is bonded to a highly electronegative atom

In this example is would have been better to omit the is and simply say when hydrogen bonds
to. I feel like there are very few uses of weak nouns, however, and the following is an example
of the usage of strong nouns.
The original procedure called for the use of separatory funnels. We used glass bottles with lids instead.

These nouns describe exactly what was used so that the reader might be able to replicate the
procedure. The use of strong nouns in a lab report is especially important.

Using Topic Position. I feel that my use of topic sentences was strong and that the reader knew
what every paragraph would be about after reading the first sentence. One example is the
following.
In organic compounds when a hydrogen atom is bonded to an oxygen in a hydroxyl or carboxyl group,
hydrogen bonds can easily form.

It is clear after reading this sentence that the paragraph will be explaining hydrogen bonding
and how it relates to the experiment performed.

Using Stress Position. I noticed that some of my paragraphs in the report were missing a strong
sentence in the stress position. This is an example of a weak sentence in the stress position.
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The reason for the shaking of the solutions is so that the monomer in the organic phase and the monomer
in the aqueous phase can reach equilibrium.

This sentence makes for a poor choice in this situation. It does not transition to the next
paragraph nor does it accurately convey what the rest of the paragraph was about. Another
sentence should be added after this one to address these issues.

Noticeable Error

There was no noticeable error in the report.

Conclusion

Writing this memo has shown me many areas where I can improve my writing in the future. I will spend
more time both developing my ideas before writing them as well as proof reading to ensure that I am
precise, concise, and direct in my work. The most important thing that I want to improve on is writing
more in active voice, as I noticed that a surprising number of sentences were passive.