Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010.

All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
 True or False?
The Christian's heart is just as
sinful after becoming a Christian as
it was before becoming one.
“I do not recall the heart ever being
addressed [in church] except to say
that no good thing dwells in the
heart of man.”
—Ruth Montgomery. Commented on The
Good and Noble Heart Facebook page.
Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
Spiritual training scars
Law enforcement and the military have a term for a
behavioral script that gets laid down during the officer's
training that would hamper the officer in a real situation, or
perhaps even get someone killed. The term is "training scar."
David Grossman, in his book, On Combat, describes an officer–
in–training who learned how to grab a gun out of a would–be
criminal's hand. During practice, the officer would grab a gun
from a colleague, then give it back to him in order to rehearse
it again. Unfortunately, during an actual confrontation with
an armed assailant, the officer, upon grabbing the gun from
the attacker, promptly handed it right back to him!
Fortunately, the officer's partner dispatched his own weapon
and shot the attacker. The officer’s learned response
reinforced during training [giving the gun back] nearly cost
his life. That's a training scar. [Story from Everyday Survival, by
Laurence Gonzales]
The Church is functioning with a debilitating training
scar, a behavioral script that is not serving us well. There is
one particularly toxic assumption about the Christian’s heart
that is perhaps even neurologically wired into our brains in
ways that lock the spirit and body (Spirit and Body) into dis-
ease. The training scar I'm particularly concerned about is our
continuing belief that the human heart remains dark,
inwardly bent and sinful even after Christ has given the
Christian a new heart and supernatural goodness at his or her
conversion.
Listen to most sermons on any given weekend, and you'll
discover the following ingrained script: "Your heart,
Christian, is still selfish and prone to wander. Your heart
and desires cannot be trusted.” Leadership sees its task as
helping you behave more like a Christian [managing
externals] so that you can do more, be more committed, and
stop being so spiritually inept. “We’ll assume you don't really
want to follow God, but we'll pressure you into becoming like
him anyway. You’re prone to wander, so it’s our job to
manage your sin."
The “prone to wander” script is the pervasive training scar
of the day. This false script leaves the Christian with a wound:
"You're not pleasing to me. Try harder."
 How I define ‘spiritual abuse:’
Spiritual abuse:
Demanding that a person live like
Jesus, while denying the new heart
[and its supernatural resources]
that makes living like Jesus
possible.
Shame and spiritual defeat are the
inevitable result.
How the Bible describes the “heart:”
You received a new heart when you said
‘yes’ to Jesus.
Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
What is spiritual abuse?
To label something as “abuse” is a tricky thing. What
constitutes abuse for one person may not for another.
However, I’m going to use a definition of abuse that I think fits
where I’m headed in this e-book. It comes from The Subtle
Power of Spiritual Abuse, by Johnson and VanVonderan:
Spiritual abuse is the mistreatment of a person who is in
need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment,
with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that
person’s spiritual empowerment.
The authors go further:
Spiritual abuse can also occur when spirituality is used to
make others live up to a ‘spiritual standard.’ This promotes
external ‘spiritual performance,’ …or is used as a means of
‘proving’ a person’s spirituality.
This abuse may not even be intentional, but kills the heart,
nonetheless.
What happens to the heart?
Notice in this definition of spiritual “abuse” what happens to a
person: “…the result of weakening, undermining or
decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment.” This is
exactly what happens when a Christian is told again and again
that their heart is still selfish, deceitful and unloving—
despite their new birth in Christ. It weakens their spiritual
vitality and decreases their ability to enjoy the life-giving
holiness Jesus has already given to them.
What happens when the heart is always under suspicion?
[“Don’t trust your heart. Your nature is still selfish. It will
lead you in the wrong direction.”] The result is that you learn
to dismiss the power source, the very center of goodness,
Jesus has created in you. Instead of tapping into the
supernatural resources God placed within your new heart at
conversion, you try — under your own strength — to manage
your sin. [“Just do the right thing, and try not to blow it.”]
It’s like removing the engine from a car and choosing to push
it around town instead.
 “I think I always felt that there was
a standard that I needed to attain,
like working to be on the honor
role at school. I needed to keep
working, trying harder to get to a
certain level. I also think at times
there was a sense of being judged.
I was looked at and judged based
on my actions, good or bad. I now
realize that I have a "good" heart!”
—Doug Gale. Commented on The Good and
Noble Heart Page on Facebook.
“I expected to sin regularly!”
Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
Shaming the Heart
There’s a dual message in many churches: “Be a good
Christian and do the right thing.” But, “You’re prone to
wander and most likely won’t do the right thing.”
In other words, “Be good: but you won’t. Love well, but you
don’t want to.” It’s like telling a mountaineer, “Climb higher,
but your legs are broken. We won’t help you heal, but we’ll
demand you keep going.”
After trying hard for so long to be a good Christian—and
failing—you begin to believe you really don’t have what it
takes to be a decent Christian: “I really do have a selfish heart
and am incapable of living like Jesus. Why can’t I get this
right?!”
You begin to think you’ve been disqualified:
“I am not enough for God.”
Expecting to sin
A friend of mine told me how the message coming from the
pulpit had actually led him in the wrong direction—away
from God’s work in him. He said:
As I look back at my years as a Christian, I am sorry to say
that now I see clearly that I have been actually held back in
my Christian walk, because I have been receiving the
message that my heart is still bad, still wicked.
As a result, my expectations for the "abundant life" of which
Jesus spoke, have been nil! Because of what was said on
Sunday mornings, I expected to sin regularly!
What other conclusion can you draw if the persistent message
from the Church is: “You’re far more likely to sin than to be
like Jesus.”?
You can read other’s stories in my book,
Recover Your Good Heart — Living Free from Religious Guilt
and the Shame of Not Good–Enough, by Jim Robbins
 What does the message of
shame feel like?
Sniffing out shame
About fifteen years ago while I was in seminary, I attended a
church just off–campus. Without fail, I left that building each
Sunday with the same sensation: spiritual heaviness. The
unspoken message being delivered was, "You're simply not
measuring up to expectations."
Without fail, that same experience has repeated itself in
nearly every "church" experience, conference, retreat, or
organized gathering of Christians I’ve attended since then.
At the time, I had no words to articulate what was going on,
but I now have a well-developed internal filter — a warning
flag, a nose for sniffing out false substitutes. (After a while,
your heart says, "No more! This can't be all there is.")
At the center of what I experienced each Sunday, was the
effect of a psuedo–gospel. Sometimes it isn't the Gospel at all;
and in any case, it is a "gospel" that will wear you out.
This false substitute goes by several monikers: "the religious
spirit," "religious legalism," "the gospel of religious duty and
shame," or "living under Law." Whatever its name, it is not
what Jesus came to offer. All you have to do is look at its
fruit: defeated Christians, fleeting personal transformation,
frenzied activity substituting for apprenticeship at Jesus' side,
and a meager affect upon the culture we hope to transform.

Reading the warning signs

How does one develop this early warning system, this ability
to sniff out false substitutes? Well, how does your heart react
in those situations? Do you experience:

• Spiritual pressure to measure up to expectations.

• Spiritual heaviness.

• You suspect God, is in fact, not really pleased with you.

WARNING SIGNS of
• You're constantly being asked by leadership to be more
spiritual shaming committed.

• Every message is about getting you to do something, or to

stop doing something.

• The leadership is more concerned with managing people's

sin, than releasing a new life that is now within them.

• No one ever talks about the heart; and when they do, it is with
suspicion — even in the case of the believer.

Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com

"You hate the prison walls ... but
eventually get used to them ...
Can't survive without them".
— from The Shawshank Redemption
I'm a South African ex–
pastor/missionary. Left institutional
Christendom about 7 years back. It’s
been intriguing de-toxing from the
religious system that is shame-based,
and I was both an unwitting abuser
because of it, and a recipient as well.
The spirit behind religion has no
respect for any of the adherents — all
are prisoners of the abuse.
As Morgan Freeman says in the movie,
‘Shawshank Redemption:’ "You hate
the prison walls ... but eventually get
used to them ... can't survive without
them".
Wholeness is a journey of the heart into
liberation and freedom to become all
that we should be. Religion [rather
than following Jesus] oppresses,
undermines and produces orphans, not
real full-blown family.
—Sean Daly. Commented on The Good &
Noble Heart page on Facebook.
Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
God doesn’t tinker with our behavior
As Larry Crabb suggested in his ground-breaking book,
Connecting, God is not interested in tinkering with our old
nature in order to improve it. Nor is does he pressure us into
spiritual change, or attempt to fix our old nature. Rather, as
Crabb suggests, God is interested in releasing something—
releasing a God–given goodness beneath the surface.
A radical purity is now the dominant force in the Christian—
whether or not that goodness is always seen or
acknowledged. The new heart is the headwaters from which
that goodness flows.
How Jesus restores our connection to God
Oneness with Christ occurs at the level of the heart. It has to.
That is where people meet. You can’t have oneness or unity
with Christ if your heart is still corrupted, self–bent, and
unable to receive that oneness. The heart is the navigational
center of a person, influencing the mind, body and soul. Our
salvation is a salvation of the heart.
God had to address the condition of the human heart. When
you said ‘yes’ to Jesus, he replaced the incapacitated,
functionally–dead heart with his own heart, so that you could
reconnect with God and enjoy a unity of heart with him.
An unruly horse can only be led by bit and bridle.
A candle without a wick can’t be lit.
A ship without radar gets lost in the fog.
A person without a restored heart cannot navigate life with
the ‘easy yoke’ of Jesus. She will instead by chained to all her
brokenness, addictions, and deceptions. That’s why, through
the Cross and Resurrection, God gave you a new heart—a
new self—capable of the very goodness and supernatural love
of God. It is now possible [and likely] that you can relate like
Jesus did, and learn to navigate life with the skill and grace he
did.

“I was taught that I couldn't trust
my heart …and only by checking
with my leader, was I able to
discern God’s will.”
“After living in a spiritually abusive
system for over 25 yrs. I am now in
the process of finding a "true"
spiritual family that I can "know and
be known by."
I was taught that I couldn't trust my
heart—it was desperately evil, and
only by checking with my leader, was
I able to discern God's will. For the 6
yrs. that I have been out of that
situation, my "good and noble" heart
has been filled with gratitude and
thanksgiving that I am FREE.
It is just recently that I am realizing
that I am NOW in the "rediscovery"
part of my healing-transformation-
wholeness journey. I am in an
INCREDIBLE, LARGE place, where
everything is new and although
freeing, is sometimes making my
head "swim." Anyone else relate??”
—Carol Boyd. Commented on
The Good & Noble Heart Page on Facebook.
Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
A false view of authority
Many leaders won’t tolerate the possibility they could be
mistaken or that a word from the Lord might come through
another in the family. They operate under the “premise that
God speaks to one or several central people in the group in a
way that he does not speak to the ordinary members. These
members are taught not to trust their own minds or their own
communications with God except within the context of the
group, with all its pressures toward conformity to the word
from on high.” [–Dallas Willard]
Conformity to the hive’s leadership is the supreme mandate.
Willard reminds us that this is the leadership behavior of
cults.
How will you know if your pastor or leaders
are speaking the truth?
Just because he has “more experience” doesn’t mean that his
experience has taken him in the right direction. You have to
trust your new and good heart. Jesus gave it to you so that you
could reconnect with him—hearing his voice. He gave you
The Counselor, who will “lead you into all truth.”
If you don’t trust the new heart God gave to you when you
said ‘yes’ to him, how will you know whether any particular
sermon or teaching is on target?
Of course, this requires a growing discernment and training
of your new heart and mind, but don’t distrust the compass
you already have. Your heart is good now.
Developing a filter
As you learn more about Scripture’s teaching on the new
heart, you will develop a filter that can sniff out faulty
messages about your heart. This happens to me whenever
I’m in the Christian book section of a bookstore. After I skim
through a book I’m interested in, I can usually smoke out any
Old Covenant, “bad heart” theology, and move on to another
book.
I can also sniff out the “never-enough” gospel in
conversations with well-meaning Christians who are sure
they understand the Gospel, yet continue to mistrust their
hearts.
 “I got involved in a very manipulative
and controlling church.”
“I believe God's promise that he has
given me a new heart. Sometimes I
don't see the evidence of that, but
I'm learning to trust that it is true.”
Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
Janice’s story:
“After growing up in the church and being a "Christian" for 20
years, I got involved in a very manipulative and controlling
church … I gave them more time and money than I ever would
like to admit, as well as denying that I had ever been a
Christian before ever being a part of that church.
When I realized what a lie I had swallowed and finally left
the church, I felt worse than a whore. I felt like I had sold my
soul. How could I ever trust myself to recognize God or truth
ever again? For awhile it all but destroyed my faith. I couldn't
open my Bible or pray for over 5 years. Slowly I was able to
attend church again without the fear that I would be
manipulated.
But now after another 10 years of attending a "healthy
church" I'm beginning to question the reality of relationships
I have had there. I have backed way off both in attendance, as
well as emotionally, and to some extent people don't really
notice. At first that bothered me. Now I'm beginning to be
okay with that. I'm recognizing those relationships that are
genuine and leaving behind those that aren't.
Finally I am coming to the place of realizing that God has been
there all the time, through good and bad. I see that He has
loved me even when I thought I had completely betrayed him.
I really believe that if I would have trusted that Jesus was
with me and did give me a good heart, I wouldn't ever have
trusted the lie of THAT church that "they" were the way, the
truth, and the life. Now, I want to stick with and trust the only
One who will lead me in the right direction.
About my heart —I want to believe it has always been, since
trusting in Jesus, good. I believe God's promise that he has
given me a new heart. Sometimes I don't see the evidence of
that, but I'm learning to trust that it is true. I do, now, trust
that He will never, never leave me nor forsake me. My
experience has taught me that He is faithful.”
—Janice Beltran: shared her story on The Good and Noble Heart
page on Facebook.
 There were many times I wanted to
throw a chair through the pretty
stained-glass window.
I wanted to shout, “Don’t you know
what you’re doing to these good
people?! You are killing their
hearts, sabotaging the very work of
Christ in them.”
— My own experience of ‘prone to wander’
preaching
“This made me feel diminished,
disrespected, less mature than
them.”
“Unfortunately the Church's most
common message is that the
Christian's heart is not to be trusted.
After the initial revelation, it's a
process of learning to believe that
Jesus is in others: There were some
leaders that haven't trusted Him in
me. Most of my leaders did believe in
me, but then I had those who made
arbitrary decisions and treated us
with suspicion, assuming we were all
in need of consistent 'shaping up' -
assuming we had to repent of the
sins THEY were repenting of.
If, we didn't stand up to acknowledge
the same sins, we were in rebellion
or pride, always needing a lecture on
whatever they thought was wrong.
This made me feel diminished and
disrespected, 'less mature' than
them.”
—Jenny Lowen. Commented on The Good
& Noble Heart Page on Facebook.
Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
Finding healing
After my ‘friend’ of nine years, the worship leader of a
growing mega church, fired me from a keyboard position on
the worship team— because I no longer suited his purposes
— I left the institutional church. [I had served with him for
nine years in this capacity. I wasn’t a genuine friend, I had
merely been useful to him.]
This certainly wasn’t the first time I’d felt used and discarded
or dismissed by church leadership: Ten years prior, after
struggling to find my place in pastoral ministry and refusing
the ill-fitting scripts leadership was forcing down my throat, I
was then kicked out of the pastoral ministry. [Despite trying
to dutifully adjust to their demands.] Sitting in the District
Superintendent’s office, the Superintendent said, “We are not
going to re-appoint you.” Meaning, your ministry as a pastor
is over; and we have the power to do that to you.
My ‘credentials’ were removed.
Only God can bestow identity.
Despite those painful years, God restored me and gave me
only greater clarity of purpose. I know who I am. Institutions
can never bestow identity: only our Father God can. Only
God gives us our ‘credentials.’ The gifts and calling of God are
irrevocable.
What would it feel like to be free of the false scripts others
have been handing you? Free of their unkind and unrealistic
expectations of you?
[Our] original shimmering self gets buried so deep we hardly
live out of it at all . . . rather, we learn to live out of all the
other selves which we are constantly putting on and taking off
like coats and hats against the world’s weather.
—Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets
“Although men are accused for not knowing their own
weakness, yet, perhaps, as few know their own strength. It
is in men as in soils, where sometimes there is a vein of gold
which the owner knows not of.”
— Jonathan Swift
 “And the day came when the risk it
took to remain tight inside the bud was
more painful than the risk it took to
blossom.” —Anais Nin
RESOURCES FOR SUPPORTING THE
CHRISTIAN’S NEW HEART:
• Setting the Captives Free blog:
Spiritual abuse blog, by Aida
Calder
• Graceroots.org — Joel
Brueseke’s blogs and podcasts.
• Revolution Within, by Dwight
Edwards
• Waking the Dead, by John
Eldredge
• Recover Your Good Heart —
Living Free from Religious Guilt
and the Shame of Not Good–
Enough, by Jim Robbins
• Jim Robbins’ Good & Noble
Heart Blog:
www.RobbinsWritings.com
www.RobbinsWritings.com
Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart, by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rights
reserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com
Get connected with others who get it.
I no longer “go to church.” My family and I seek fellowship in
other, more natural ways. This was our choice, but may not
be for everyone. Not all institutional churches are misguided,
of course—there are always exceptions; but they are few.
You are not called to “do church:” you are called to a
Kingdom. And people who meet in the Kingdom can meet
anywhere.
A word of caution here: Even less brick–and–mortar
expressions of community, such as house churches or other
non–institutional expressions of the Body, aren’t exempt from
poor theology. Even leaders of more organic forms of
Christian community may still believe that the Christian’s
heart [true nature] is still marred, dirty and selfish—though
they claim to understand ‘grace.’
[You may have to leave that church.]
So ask God to lead you to Christian community that gets the
biblical reality of your good and noble heart. This may take
time, but you need your spirit to be healthy and nourished by
a community that understands God’s supernatural and
already–present work in your heart.
This may also mean that you have to leave that church or
fellowship. If you do so, you will not be betraying God.
You will NOT be betraying God.
Rather, you will be taking care of you heart—your very life—
so that you can receive and give love, enjoy the Father
without pressure, and celebrate the radiant and powerful
goodness he’s already given you.
“In the same way, let your light shine…” (Matthew. 5:16)
What is this light? It is the brilliant and powerful goodness of
your new heart.
Visit Jim’s blog: