Chilean fathers battle for custody rights

WEDNESDAY, 01 MAY 2013 23:19

WRITTEN BY ELIZABETH TROVALL

Meet the dad whose fight for fatherhood could permanently

change Chilean custody law.

When David Abuhadba and his wife went through their divorce, the
courts only cared about one thing when deciding custody of the
couple’s son, Lucas: the mother.

Abuhadba, like most fathers, didn’t have a chance of winning custody.

In Chile, unless a father can prove that the mother is abusive or
completely ill-equipped to be a mom, she will be granted full custody
of the child.

Some Chilean fathers use this as an excuse to abandon their kids.

“A lot of fathers are not going to fight so they just go,” said
Abuhadba, founder and director of the fathers advocacy group Amor
de Papá. “They don’t worry about their children.”

But Abuhadba was not one of those fathers, even though his ex-wife
tried to limit their son’s contact with him as much as possible. Lucas,
their son, was around four when his mother took full custody. Lucas’
mom said his father wasn’t a good person and isolated Lucas from
getting to know him.

“The first opinion I had of my father was, thanks to my mom, that he

was a bad person,” Lucas said.

But Abuhadba decided to fight to stay in Lucas’ life.

“I spent 12 years in the process of getting custody of my son, and

when my son was 15 he decided himself to be with me,” said
Abuhadba, “I was critically separated from my son, and I had to work
in order to make him understand I wasn’t a bad person.”

Lucas and Abuhadba have now been living together for about a year
and a half. They enjoy similar hobbies, both are avid American
football fans. Lucas’ dream is to play in the United States one day.

However, very few father’s enjoy this type of reunion with children in
custody of their ex-wives. And Abuhadba, during the fight for his own
son, decided to set up a resource center for other dads in similar
situations.

Six years ago Abuhadba quit his job and put up nearly US$85,000 of
his own money to found the organization, “Amor de Papá.” It started
out as a resource for fathers who also were fighting for custody of
their children.

As the organization grew, Abuhadba pushed for a more permanent

change. Abuhadba started working to change the law, a change that
would make it easier for fathers to gain custody of their children after
a divorce. The change is titled, “Ley Amor de Papá” or Father’s Love
Law.

The law is well on its way. In March the “Ley Amor de Papá” was
passed in Chile’s Senate, and now awaits approval in the Chamber of
Deputies.

If passed, the legislation would change the current Chilean “Bello”

code which dates back to the 1950s. The code as written
automatically grants custody of children of divorced couples to
mothers. If the “Ley Amor de Papá” is passed, the new law would give
men and women equal legal footing in deciding the best place for
their child.

“The majority wants what is just for the children, they are thinking of
the children, and we can’t have a law that discriminates on who can
be a parent,” says Abuhadba.

However, Abuhadba says more conservative politicians believe what is

best for the child is to stay with their mother. Even though “Ley Amor
de Papá” passed the Senate, a legislative body made from senators
and deputies is in charge of advising the Chamber of Deputies on how
to vote. The mixed commission has the power to change the law
before it is passed, and Abuhadba says a change will undermine their
entire project.

With four central-left members supporting “Ley Amor de Papá” on the

mixed commission and six conservatives against it, changes appear
likely. Abuhadba wants the law only to pass if it guarantees full
equality for fathers and mothers in custody cases. He said his group
won’t support it if it doesn’t guarantee that equality, which which he
calls a real possibility.

Even though the legislation has yet to receive an official vote,

Abuhadba talks about it with a sense of frustration, his Capraesque
individualism tempered by six years of battle. Lacking money and
resources to lobby the commission, Abuhadba is spent — both literally
and emotionally.

“I don’t have the capability to generate resources for this final fight. I
am very disenchanted and pessimistic with the feelings that we can
not overcome this mixed commission,” he said.

In fact, he recently decided to step down as the main proponent of

the law.

Abuhadba says he wants to focus on finally having his son back with
him. Abuhadba said he’ll remain with the organization, but in a
different capacity.
“I’m not going to make another fight with the law,” he said. “Through
the organization, yes. I’ll continue helping fathers, continue
developing participation, various obligations they might call on me for
and writing a multimedia book.”

As his law sits at the mercy of the mixed commission, Abuhadba has
decided to move onto the next chapter of his life. In the same way
discussions of the pending law drain him, talks of the future with his
son give him new life.

Animated, Abuhadba discusses plans for moving to the United States

so his son can play American football. They share a love for Dallas
Cowboys football team.

He talks about touring the U.S. and talking to schools about his story
and his fight for his son. He’s planning to write an ebook first, though
he says maybe one day he’ll make a movie.

Until then, Abuhadba says even though he is stepping away from the
battle, he doesn’t feel like he has lost.

“I feel successful,” Abuhadba says.

That’s because he says he’s already won the fight he cares most
about.

“I’m with my child.”

By Elizabeth Trovall (trovall@santiagotimes.cl)

Copyright 2013 - The Santiago Times