Courtship Questionnaire

Courtship
Questionnaire
By Ron & Rebekah Coriell
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Copyright 2005, Coriell on Courtship Publications
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Table of Contents
Introduction To Questions For A Potential Wife.....................................4
Spiritual........................................................................................................................6
Doctrine.......................................................................................................................7
Church..........................................................................................................................9
Family..........................................................................................................................9
Relationships..............................................................................................................12
Gifts & Talents...........................................................................................................15
Goals..........................................................................................................................16
Marriage.....................................................................................................................16
Finances.....................................................................................................................19
Sexual Relations........................................................................................................21
Rearing Children........................................................................................................22
Health.........................................................................................................................24
Education...................................................................................................................28
Work And Career.......................................................................................................29
Miscellaneous............................................................................................................30
Character....................................................................................................................33
Compatibility.............................................................................................................34
Common Interests & Activities.................................................................................35
Other Questions.........................................................................................................35
Appendix (Rationale For Questions)......................................................36
Spiritual......................................................................................................................36
Doctrine.....................................................................................................................37
Church........................................................................................................................38
Family........................................................................................................................39
Relationships..............................................................................................................41
Gifts & Talents...........................................................................................................44
Goals..........................................................................................................................44
Marriage.....................................................................................................................45
Finances.....................................................................................................................47
Health.........................................................................................................................50
Education...................................................................................................................53
Work And Career.......................................................................................................54
Miscellaneous............................................................................................................54
Character....................................................................................................................57
Compatibility.............................................................................................................57
Introduction To Questions For A Potential Husband...........................59
Spiritual......................................................................................................................61
Doctrine.....................................................................................................................63
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Church........................................................................................................................64
Family........................................................................................................................64
Relationships..............................................................................................................67
Gifts & Talents...........................................................................................................70
Goals..........................................................................................................................71
Marriage.....................................................................................................................72
Finances.....................................................................................................................74
Health.........................................................................................................................79
Education...................................................................................................................83
Work And Career.......................................................................................................84
Miscellaneous............................................................................................................85
Character....................................................................................................................88
Compatibility.............................................................................................................89
Other Questions.........................................................................................................90
Appendix (Rationale For Questions)......................................................91
Spiritual......................................................................................................................91
Doctrine.....................................................................................................................92
Church........................................................................................................................93
Family........................................................................................................................94
Relationships..............................................................................................................96
Gifts & Talents...........................................................................................................99
Goals..........................................................................................................................99
Marriage...................................................................................................................100
Finances...................................................................................................................101
Sexual Relations......................................................................................................103
Rearing Children......................................................................................................104
Health.......................................................................................................................105
Education.................................................................................................................108
Work And Career.....................................................................................................109
Miscellaneous..........................................................................................................109
Character..................................................................................................................112
Compatibility...........................................................................................................112
Common Interests & Activities................................................................................112
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INTRODUCTION
“He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
Proverbs 18:22
Besides salvation, what could be more important to find than a godly spouse and one
who brings God’s blessing?
Rebekah and I met in college, dated, engaged, and married. Sounds pretty typical, doesn’t
it? We look back with many good memories to ponder and with grateful hearts how God
got us through those years without becoming a dating casualty.
Dating casualty? Remember those friends of yours who dated, broke up, dated, went
steady, broke up, dated still others, broke up, and then finally found the right one,
engaged and married. Along the way hearts were torn asunder, expectations dashed, tears
flowed, and in some cases unexpected pregnancies resulted.Most likely you can name the
casualties you know on two hands.
Should finding a godly spouse be so dangerous? Is dating the necessary, rocky ditch God
has all couples cross to find each other? A look throughout history and around the world
would teach us otherwise.
Dating is a uniquely American experiment and fairly recent, within the last 100 years.
Throughout history and still today, young people almost everywhere in the world meet
each other and move towards marriage through a process called courtship. Although it
sounds old fashioned to our 21st century ears, this practice is really the more typical and
dating is the more exceptional. Yet, because of the media and 100 years of acceptance of
dating, we know little of courtship in America, even among Christians.
Thankfully courtship is making a comeback. Young men and women and their parents are
finding it safer, more biblical, and more enjoyable than dating.
The sets of questions that follow are offered as a tool for getting to know the potential
spouse. In this day and age when young people date and hardly know each other, it is
vital that they do some discovery before becoming emotionally involved. Rebekah and I
have asked these questions of many of the men who came “a courting” for our daughters.
Three of these men who answered especially well were given permission to court and
easily won our daughters’ hearts. We pray that you will have similar success using this
tool. Please feel free to add more questions. In fact, you might pass them along to us to
add to future editions of this booklet on CD.
God bless you as you seek that special spouse God has for your son or daughter.
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Questions
To Ask A Potential Wife
For Your Son
Woman’s name: ________ ________________________
Parents’ names: _______ ____________
Address:
________________________________________ Phone: ______________
Date and place of meeting: ______________________________________
AUTHORS’ NOTE:
We recommend that you not question the potential wife by herself. We believe she is
biblically still under her parents’ authority even if she is an adult. Some questions can be
asked with her present and some may be best to ask the parents alone. If she does not
have parents, ask your questions in the presence of someone with whom she would feel
comfortable, such as her pastor, counselor, relative, or at least a good friend.
We further recommend that you make the setting comfortable and secluded. Rebekah and
I have arranged for special luncheons at restaurants that had a private room. The setting
was intimate, beautiful, and open ended on time. Plan for these questions to take three,
four, or five hours to complete. If you think this is just too long at one setting, split it up
into two or more meetings.
Take a look at the APPENDIX for author comments about each question.
If you have any inquiries about the questions, please feel free to contact us at the address
and phone number below.
Ron and Rebekah Coriell
310 Broad Armstrong Drive
Brownsboro, AL 35741
256-539-2293
Can you make copies of this booklet on CD to hand out to the potential spouse and
his/her parents? Yes, by all means.
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SPIRITUAL
1. Are you a Christian? How did you become one?
2. How does a person become a Christian?
3. Have you been baptized? Why or why not? Any vows?
4. Has your faith been growing? Tell me how?
5. With what areas of your faith do you struggle? How often

do you have a “quiet time” with God?
6. What are the components of your quiet time?
7. Do you believe this time with God is necessary for all

Christians? What spiritual lessons has God been teaching
you lately?
8. Would God say that there is a nagging sin in your life?
9. Do you memorize Scripture? What are you memorizing

now? Do you meditate in Scripture?
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10. What is your prayer life like? Do you use a list? Prayer
cards? Pray for things on different days?
11. What answers to prayer have you seen lately?
12. What idols do you struggle with in your life? Is there

anything that you constantly worry about? What would
those who know you best say is your biggest flaw? How are
you trying to overcome this?
DOCTRINE
1. What theology would best represent what you believe, i.e.
Arminianism, Calvinism, etc. What interpretive approach
to the Bible is more biblical to you (i.e. Dispensationalism,
Covenant Theology, etc.)?
2. What is your eschatology (i.e. A-millennialism, Pre-

millennialism, Post-millennialism, etc.)?
3. What is your definition of sin? How can a person get to

heaven? Can a Christian lose their salvation? If so, how? If
not, why not? What place do the Ten Commandments and
God’s Law have in our lives today?
4. What is your view of the Sabbath? How do you practice it?
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5. What is your view of the Bible (i.e. does it contain the Word
of God or is it the Word of God)? Are there any mistakes in
the Bible?
6. Is the entire Bible inspired?
7. How is the Bible applicable to us today?
1. What is your church-going history? Your parents’ church-

going history?
2. What church do you attend now? Are you a member?
3. What are the benefits to belonging to a church?
FAMILY
1. How would you describe your parent’s faith?
2. How would you describe your religious upbringing?
3. Are your parents currently married, separated, or

divorced? Please explain.
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4. Was your father clearly the head of his home or was your
mother? Describe how he led. How did your father romance
your mother? How did he indicate that he cherished her?
5. How did your mother treat your father? Please describe.
6. Was there ever any sexual immorality in your family?

Please explain.
7. Was there ever any child abuse? Please explain. Were you
adopted or raised by foster parents or legal guardians?
Please explain.
8. Would your father or mother say you are a responsible

daughter? Do you get along with your brothers and sisters?
9. When is a daughter no longer under the authority of her

parents? Would your parents say that you were a rebellious
teen? Explain.
10. Have any in your family been involved in cultic practices?

What was the atmosphere of your home as you grew up?
11. Was your upbringing culturally or ethnically unique? Does

this remain a special part of your life? How will this affect
your married life? What is the difference between a poor
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parent and a good parent?
12. What was the most important thing that your mother
taught you?
13. What positive things have you learned from watching your
parents’ marriage?
14. How do you feel about the influence of grandparents?

Would you let them live with you in their old age?
15. What have your best friends taught you?

RELATIONSHIPS
1. As far as you know, is there anyone who could point a finger

at you and say, “You wronged me and you never made it
right.”
2. If God led you to believe there is someone still offended,

what should you do?
3. What is your theology of anger? What is your theology of

conflict resolution?
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4. Are you in surety to anyone?
5. Have you been married, engaged, gone steady, or courted

before? Who is your best friend? Why?
6. When you get angry, how does it look to others?
7. Do you believe it is OK for you to express anger in a

physical way? If so, when and how would this be
appropriate?
8. Explain how you take criticism and give an example of a

good criticism you learned from. We are all selfish at times.
What are you selfish about?
9. How is God teaching you to deal with selfishness?

Emergencies happen in all our lives. What emergencies have
you experienced and how did you handle them?
10. What feeling(s) do you have the toughest time controlling?
11. What feeling(s) do you have the toughest time expressing?
12. In what ways are you an organized person?
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13. In what ways are you disorganized?
14. What is the most kind, considerate, caring, and thoughtful

thing you have ever done?
15. Should your future spouse love you the way you are or
would you be willing to make some changes such as the way
you dress, wear your hair, etc. to be more pleasing to him?
Is it ever proper for a mate to correct his spouse in public?
16. Have you ever told someone that you love them? What
happened to that relationship? Do you still have feelings for
that person?
17. What do you enjoy about being single? What do you dislike
about it?
18. Have you ever kissed a boy? Have you ever “necked” or
“made out” with a fellow? How do you feel about having
done this before marriage? Have you ever lived with
someone of the opposite sex to whom you were not married?
How do you feel about cohabiting like this? Have you ever
been engaged to be married? What happened?
19. What mistakes have you seen other couples making before
they got married? Why do you believe they were mistakes?
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20. Have you ever hit someone with whom you had a previous
relationship? Explain.
21. What makes you believe you will be a great spouse?
22. Is there any set of standards that you have set for relating to
the opposite sex?
23. Why do you think some marriages are torn apart by

adultery? What do you plan to do to insure that this does
not happen to your marriage? What strategies will you
employ to solve marital conflicts that surely will come?
GIFTS & TALENTS

1. What is your spiritual gift? What other spiritual gifts have
you developed?
2. What spiritual gifts do you wish you could develop more?
3. What special talents has God given you?
4. How are you using these talents? In what ways would you
consider yourself to be smart? Logically
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5. What is the difference between being wise and being smart?
GOALS
1. What is the overarching goal of your life? What sub goals

do you have?
2. Have you already reached any significant goals?
3. What do you see yourself doing in 5 years, 10, 20, etc…?
MARRIAGE
1. What is your understanding of the difference between
dating and courtship?
2. Which kind of relationship is preferable to you and why?
3. If God leads, are you willing to enter into a courtship

relationship rather than a dating one?
4. What place should physical contact play in the courting

relationship?
5. What place should physical contact play in the engagement
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period?
6. What do your parents think about you getting married?
7. What factors will make a marriage a success?
8. What would you invest in a marriage to make it successful?
9. What have you been doing to prepare yourself for

marriage?
10. Why do you want to get married?
11. What are some reasons for not getting married?
12. What qualities are you looking for in a marriage partner?
13. Which of these qualities do you see in my son?
14. Are there some qualities you want but have not seen in my
son?
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15. What attracted you to my son? When did this attraction
start?
16. Have you counseled with others about marrying my son?

What was their input?
17. Describe what you believe about roles in marriage.
18. Have you ever been married before?
19. Are you divorced or separated? If so, under what

circumstances?
20. What is your view of divorce?
21. Do you have any children by another man? Explain.
22. How many children would you like?
23. What does it mean to love?
24. What does the term “servant’s heart” mean to you?
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25. In what ways should a wife show love towards her husband
and family?
26. Describe your belief about submission as you see it in

marriage.
27. If you are of another denomination than my son, how are

you going to feel about any doctrinal differences when he is
teaching you and our grandchildren?
FINANCES
1. Do you tithe your income? If not, why not?
2. Do you have savings? How much? In what form?
3. Do you have income from other resources? How much?
4. Do you have outstanding debts to pay? How much? When

will they be paid off?
5. Are you financially free? For how long?
6. What are your beliefs about debt? Do you have credit
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cards? Do you pay them off each month?
7. What are your beliefs about giving? Do you give to any

charities?
8. Do those who know you well say you are a good manager of
money?
9. How often do you balance your check book?
10. Could you manage in life without a credit card?
11. If she is working, is she in line for promotion? Does she

care?
SEXUAL RELATIONS
1. Are you a virgin? If not, please explain.
2. Did you ever ask the forgiveness of your partner?
3. Does your partner live near you, work with you, or go to

your church?
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4. Have you had any counseling for this?
5. If the sin was recent, why should I believe that you will not
repeat it?
6. Are you/have you been involved with any of the following:
a. Constant thoughts about sex
b. Masturbation
c. Homosexuality
d. Pornography
e. X-rated videos, movies, internet sites
7. If you were but are not now, why did you stop?
8. What is your view of each of the issues in question 6?
9. To your knowledge, were your parents involved in any of

the above?
10. If you have struggled with any of the above, what steps have
you taken to get control?
11. If you have been sexually immoral, would you be willing to

be tested for STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases)? Do you
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know if you have an STD?
12. How do you feel about contraception? When would you feel
it is appropriate to use them?
13. How do you plan to keep yourself and the one you love from
falling into sexual sin prior to marriage?
REARING CHILDREN
1. Do you wish to have children? How many? How soon?
2. Would you be open to adopting children if you could not

have any of your own?
3. What are your feelings about the mom staying home with
the children when they are young?
4. What are your beliefs about disciplining children?
5. What are your feelings about who should teach the children
about God?
6. Would there be any limitations you would impose regarding
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such activities as TV, radio, sports, music, magazines,
friends, internet, etc.?
7. What is your view of the roles that each parent should play
in rearing children?
8. Do you strongly want either a boy or a girl? Why?
9. If a child you have has a serious physical or mental defect,

how will you deal with this? Would you consider an
abortion? Give the child up for adoption?
10. Which is more important, quantity of time spent with

children or quality of time spent? Explain.
11. If you have a child by a previous marriage, are you

responsible for child support? If so, how much? What kinds
of visitation arrangements are there?
HEALTH
1. Are there any addictions in your family history? If so,
please explain.
2. Is there any history of mental illness? Describe.Have you or

do you now have any physical ailments? Explain.
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3. How would you describe your concern for diet, exercise,
rest, etc.?
4. What foods do you prefer? Describe.
5. Do you have any cravings or passions for certain kinds of

foods?
6. Are you presently under any medication for any reason?
7. How good a sleeper are you? Do you snore?

Morning/Evening person? Have you ever experienced any
kind of trauma? Explain.
8. With which of the following are you currently struggling?

Please circle:
A. Daydreaming G. Obsessive thoughts
B. Inadequacy H. Headaches
C. Fantasies I. Inferiority
D. Dizziness J. Doubts
E. Bad thoughts K. Insecurity
F. Worry L. Other:
9. What was the moral climate in which you were raised? Put
a check along the dotted line where it best fits.
Too Permissive Permissive Average Strict Too Strict
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Clothing
....................................................................................................................................
Sex
....................................................................................................................................
Dating
....................................................................................................................................
Movies
....................................................................................................................................
Music
....................................................................................................................................
Literature
....................................................................................................................................
Free
will
....................................................................................................................................
Drinking
....................................................................................................................................
Smoking
....................................................................................................................................
Church
attendance
....................................................................................................................................
10. Which of the following emotions have you had or are now
struggling with? Please circle.
Frustration Anger Anxiety Loneliness Worthlessness
Depression Hatred Bitterness Suicidal Fear of going

thoughts to hell
Fear of Fear of Other?

dying abandonment
11. Have you ever had an imaginary friend or spirit guide

offering you guidance or companionship?
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12. Have you ever heard voices in your mind or had repeating
and nagging thoughts which were foreign to what you feel
or believe, as though a dialogue were going on in your head?
13. Have you ever had an experience where you sensed an evil
presence in your room as a child?
14. Are there any special fears that you have? If so, how do they
affect the way you live?
15. Have you ever had a BIG disappointment? What was it and
how did you deal with it? Is this typical of how you handle
losses?
16. What makes you feel safe and secure?
17. Which more describes you: introvert or extrovert? How

does this look to others?
18. Are you pretty transparent with your feelings or do you

tend to keep things to yourself?
19. What experiences give you the most joy?
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20. Would your friends say you are a happy person?
21. How would you describe the best thing about being a
woman?
22. What 3 things in your life are you the most pleased with?
23. What will you not compromise on, even in marriage?
24. What things would you be open to compromising on in

marriage?
25. If you are overweight, would you be willing to make a

concerted effort to lose pounds if your spouse asked you to?
26. Have you ever been abused sexually, emotionally, or

physically? If so, do you still have emotional scars from
this? Have you ever told anyone?
27. What about yourself would you see as a physical flaw? How
do you feel about that?
28. Would you ever have a problem with vaccinating your

children?
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29. How do you feel about recreational drugs? Have you ever
taken any? Explain. Are you using any now?
30. Do you smoke or chew tobacco? What is your feeling about

the health dangers?
31. Have you ever purposely thrown up food in order to lose

weight? Explain.
EDUCATION
1. What educational experiences have you had? Degrees?
2. Are you using your degree in your current work?
3. What was your grade point average (GPA) in high school

and college? Class rank?
4. What was your score on your SAT test?
5. What are your opinions about education such as public,

Christian, or home education?
6. If you had school age kids, where would you put them?
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7. What are your beliefs concerning sending your kids to
college?
8. What are your views on home schooling?
9. Do you wish to continue your education? Why? Where and

when?
WORK AND CAREER

1. Do you have a job? For how long?
2. Why did you choose this kind of work? Is it the field of

work you wish to pursue long term?
3. What opportunities for advancement are there?
4. What kind of performance evaluation would you receive

from your boss? A, B, C, D, F
5. Do you ever call in sick when you are really well?
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6. Do you work harder than your coworkers or just as hard as
they work?
MISCELLANEOUS
1. How much time do you spend on the Internet? Do you
frequent chat rooms? Explain.
2. Do you work well with your hands?
3. Do you have a TV? How much do you watch per week?
4. What are your favorite shows?
5. What do you like to do for recreation? How much time do

you spend on it per week?
6. What books, magazines, or papers are you currently

reading?
7. What type of music do you prefer? Time spent listening per

week?
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8. Would your friends and coworkers say you are usually
prompt or late?
9. How would you describe your political views? Would you

say you are liberal, conservative, or what?
10. Do you vote? Explain why or why you do not believe this is
important.
11. Have you ever been arrested? If so, explain.
12. Are you an activist in any causes? Explain.
13. How do you feel about gambling or the lottery?
14. How do you feel about guns and having them around the
house?
15. Do you go to the movies or watch them on TV? If so, what

are your favorite films and why?
16. Do you swear or use foul language? If so, when do you feel it
is appropriate?
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17. Do you have any superstitions? Explain.
18. Do you have any beliefs that would prohibit you from
celebrating any holidays? If so, explain.
19. How clean would your mother say you keep your room,
apartment, house, or your body?
20. Do you usually put things up right away after you use
them?
21. What role does art play in your life?
22. What role does the computer play in your life?
23. Do you spend computer time in chat rooms? To what topic

are the chat rooms devoted?
24. Do you like to do things that are dangerous and daring?
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CHARACTER
Rate your character development using the following scale. Write the
numbers beside the character traits below.
5 – Those who know me would say I have this trait.
3 – Not everyone would recognize this trait in me, but some would.
1 – Only a few people would say I have this trait.
0 – No one that I know would say I have this trait.
___ Wisdom ___ Discernment ___ Faith ___ Discretion ___ Diligence
___ Self-Control ___ Enthusiasm ___ Love ___ Creativity ___ Thoroughness
___ Hospitality ___ Alertness ___ Patience ___ Security ___ Generosity
___ Joyfulness ___ Flexibility ___ Availability ___ Responsible ___ Initiative
___ Respect ___ Dependability ___ Attentive ___ Sensitivity ___ Justice
___ Compassion ___ Loyalty ___ Gentle ___ Deference ___ Meekness
___ Truthfulness ___ Sincerity ___ Virtue ___ Boldness ___ Forgiveness
___ Obedience ___ Thrifty ___ Tolerance ___ Cautious ___ Resourceful
___ Contentment ___ Grateful ___ Persuasive
COMPATIBILITY
On a scale of 0-5, rate yourself and my son on the following qualities. Five
(5) is the highest rating. Zero (0) is the lowest. If you are not sure enough
to make a rating, leave the line blank.
Qualities You My son Qualities You My son
Accepting ____ _____ High energy ____ _____
Patient ____ _____ Resentful ____ _____
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Stubborn ____ _____ Forgiving ____ _____
Easily annoyed ____ _____ Musical ____ _____
Dominant ____ _____ Neat ____ _____
Self-Centered ____ _____ Extravagant ____ _____
Gentle ____ _____ Affectionate ____ _____
Pushy ____ _____ Athletic ____ _____
Reliable, dependable ____ _____ Artistic ____ _____
Handsome/beautiful ____ _____ Lazy ____ _____
Forgetful ____ _____
COMMON INTERESTS & ACTIVITIES

Circle which of the following interests & activities you enjoy.
Church Reading Competitive Spectator sports Hobbies

sports
Outdoor fun Social Clubs Organizations Art

gatherings
Politics Shopping Videos/TV Devotions Movies
Table games Travel Hospitality Business Computer

activities
Other:
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OTHER QUESTIONS
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APPENDIX
Below are comments about the questions for a potential wife. They are organized in the
same way the questions were. Our hope is that they will be helpful in understanding the
reason for each question. These are meant for the questioner and do not have to be shared
with the one questioned.
SPIRITUAL
1. This is a question that can be a deal breaker. If she is not a
Christian, she cannot compliment your son or spiritually train
your grandchildren.
1. Listen closely and don’t put any words in her mouth. Many
“Christians” are professing Christians and not possessing
Christians. Also, I have been surprised how untaught some
Christians are. If she cannot explain how a person becomes a
Christian, is she ready to marry your Christian son?
2. Baptism is an important doctrine. Yet many believers give it

little attention. Again, if she has not obeyed God in this
important issue, is she godly enough to marry?
3. Christians do not make many spiritual vows these days.

However, some have and it is interesting to know what they are.
If it is something like being a vegetarian or childless you might
want to know.
4. Do not let your son court a girl who is not growing in her
relationship with Christ. Period!
5. Is she dealing with doubts about God? Doubts about the Bible?
Perhaps there is a spiritual issue she could study with your wife
over a few months before allowing your son to court her.
6. If she is not reading the Word and praying regularly, do not let
your son set his sights on her.
7. What is she reading? How is she praying? Is she memorizing

Scripture?
8. This can reveal her understanding of the importance of a daily

walk and talk with God.
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9. If she struggles to answer this, she is indicating that her
relationship with God is very shallow, backslidden, or non-
existing.
10. This could be embarrassing to her, but confessing to a weakness

demonstrates humility, which is good. On the other hand, if her
sin is a lack of submission to authority, you may not want to
consider her at this time.
11. Few Christians do. If you find a gal who does, that’s
impressive.
12. Even fewer than the few in question 12 practice this discipline.
If she does, it’s very impressive.
13. This is another way of finding out about the spiritual disciplines
in her life.
14. This gives you a clue to how active God is in her life? Look for
specific answers, not general ones.
15. Idols are anything that one loves more than God. They can
include money, a boyfriend, clothes, etc. Even Christians can be
idol worshippers. Is she?
16. Worry is a common sin. But, is it a besetting sin in her life? A

gal that is constantly anxious about things does not trust the
God she professes to believe in.
17. We all have flaws, or shortcomings. A wise woman will know

her weaknesses and have a plan for overcoming them. What is
hers?
DOCTRINE
1. She may be clueless. You may be clueless. Find out for
yourself. If her theology matches yours, great. But, if not, is she
willing to marry your son and submit to his spiritual teaching?
2. Again, she and you may not know. How she interprets the
Scriptures makes a difference in how the grandchildren will be
taught and what church she will be comfortable joining.
3. What one believes about the future makes a difference in how

one lives today. You may have to do some study yourself to be
ready to ask this question. Good. Her answer is not a deal
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breaker as long as she is willing to be teachable if her view of
last times is different than your son’s view.
4. This may seem too obvious. But, remember, the “…natural man
[non-Christian] receiveth not the things of God, neither can he
know them”. By the way, sin means breaking God’s laws.
5. The answer to this may give you a good idea whether she is a
real Christian or not. If she does not come up with the right
answer, ask it another way: “If you were to die today and go up
to the gates of Heaven, and an angel asked you why he should
let you in, what would you say?” If she responds with good
works, or church attendance, or family tradition, or anything
other than trust in Jesus Christ as her personal Savior, she’s
disqualified. If you suspect she may be a real Christian (by the
fruits of her life), but not well taught, she still is disqualified for
the near term. You might consider asking your wife to disciple
her.
6. One can be misled and believe this and still be a Christian. But,
again, if she is teachable, you can still consider her.
7. Once again, this question reveals her doctrinal beliefs and is not
a deal breaker as long as she is willing to be taught. You might
want to know if her father objects to your son teaching her
differently that he believes.
8. Keeping one day dedicated to God was important enough for

Him to include it in the 10 Commandments. How significant is
this day in this young lady’s life?
9. A vital belief here. I hope you believe the latter. If she does not,
there is a lot of discipling to do.
10. We are not asking for scribal errors in punctuation here. We

mean the story of creation, the great flood, miracles, etc.
11. Liberal theology says no. They pick and choose what is
inspired. Thus, their Bible is hole-y.
12. This reveals her practical understanding of the Scriptures and

can show you the level of her spiritual maturity.
CHURCH
2. None, some, off and on, regular? Denomination? Remember,
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her church history colors her beliefs and actions in the future.
Your son will be marrying into her upbringing. Can he deal
with it?
3. If she does not attend church, she needs help. If she is not a
member, why not? Nonmember Christians are not submitting to
spiritual authority and are not accountable to a body of
believers. If she is not taught in this area, teach her. Inform her
how she can join your church.
4. It is important that she understand how valuable church is.
FAMILY
1. Marriage ties one to another family. But, if her family is
unsaved this is not necessarily a deal breaker. Otherwise Ruth
could not have married Boaz, from which came Jesus.
2. This may seem redundant, but we need to seek the same

information in several ways.
3. It helps to know if there are any family conflicts in her past.

Remember, your son marries into these.
4. The modeling that went on during her upbringing may predict

how she will submit in her home.
5. Her response may give you a clue to how she wants your son to
treat her in marriage.
6. Was she dominating, wearing the pants? Did she have a timid,
weak father?
7. If she is uncomfortable explaining this, you may want to speak

with her parents about this. Forcing a daughter to share this
kind of sensitive information about her family is not right.
8. Again, this kind of “dirty laundry” may not be wise to ask her
about. If you must know, ask the parents.
9. The fuller the family history you get the better. No surprises
please!
10. Some daughters are living outside of the blessing of their

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parents. If so, find out.
11. Any family conflicts? These siblings will become your grand
children's aunts and uncles.
12. This is a crucial question few Christians know how to answer.

A daughter is never independent and out from under either a
father or her husband’s authority, unless orphaned or widowed.
God is then her spiritual head (Psalms 68:5, 146:9).
13. If so, what has she done to right the wrongs she committed
during that period? Forgiveness and restitution are prerequisites
to courtship with a clear conscience.
14. Wouldn’t you want to know if a parent was a Satanist, or a

member of some other cult?
15. Harmonious, contentious, lazy, strict, sportzy, religious, loud,

quiet, cluttery, spic-n-span, what? Don’t expect her to change
what she is used to after marrying your son.
16. Intercultural marriages can be difficult especially if the cultural

differences clash. If this woman has a culturally different
upbringing, how does it affect her views about marriage? How
will her parents express their culture as grandparents?
17. Does this woman know a good parent when she sees one? If
not, how can she be one? Listen carefully to her answers to
discern if her ideas match those of your experience and
Scripture.
18. The relationship of a mother to her daughter is important to

how she will turn out as a mature woman. Find out her thinking
about her mother and how she influenced her life. If she had a
terrible mother or absent mother, what other woman ministered
to her in a significant way as she was growing up?
19. How observant has she been about her parents’ marriage? Can
she discern the good and the bad? How is this informing her
about the marriage to your son she hopes to have?
20. Grandparents in today’s society have less honor and impact

than 100 years ago. What are her views? Are they like those of
our culture? And how she views them living with her might tell
you how she will treat you when you are old.
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21. Friends influence. So how have her friends shaped her? The
Bible warns against the evils of bad friends. Has she had any?
What good has she learned from her good friends?
RELATIONSHIPS
1. God wants believers to have a clear conscience. If she answers
“Yes”, then she must go back to wronged individuals and take
care of her offenses.
2. This will tell you if she knows how to clear her conscience with
an offended person.
3. When is anger appropriate? How does she express her anger?

There are many negative affects of anger in marriage? The
Bible warns men not to marry contentious women.
4. How does she see herself dealing with problems at work, at

church, and at home?
5. The Bible says we are to flee surety. It would be best to

eliminate any surety before courtship.
6. You should be aware of old attachments. Further ask why she

broke off these relationships. If she has given some of her heart
to other men, how much of her heart does she have left for your
son?
7. Do you want this friend influencing her after she marries your
son?
8. Anger can destroy a marriage. Can she see the affects of anger
on others? Does she recognize anger in her own life?
9. Expressing anger is a controversial matter. Even Christ was

angry and He expressed it physically (driving out the money
changers in the Temple). But, He is God and could do so
righteously. The Bible says, “Be angry and sin not.” Most of the
time we humans express anger physically or otherwise we are
out of control and claiming rights that are not ours to claim.
What is her “theology” of anger?
10. We all need criticism, but we do not all take it willingly. How
will she respond to any criticism her husband might have for
her? Or her mother-in-law?
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11. If she says she is never selfish, she is lying. Everyone is selfish.
Listen to her confession and see how honest and transparent she
is with you.
12. This is where the “rubber meets the road.” Admitting to

selfishness is nice. But, dealing with it God’s way is better.
What is her testimony?
13. Your son’s future wife must be depended on to support him in

times of emergency. How this gal has dealt with past trials may
give you a clue to how she will take care of her family in the
days ahead.
14. Anger? Sadness? Lust? Greed? These are all common feelings.
How she deals with them is critical to a godly marriage. Her
strategies now predict her success with feelings in the future.
15. Feelings affect a person (and others) even though they are not
openly expressed. Like the silent treatment some women give
their husbands when they are angry. Does this woman keep
inside her anger, frustrations, jealousies, sadness, etc.? Why?
16. Organization leads to success in many areas of life. It is an

expression of the character of God. Finding out how this lady is
organized is finding out how much of this character quality of
Christ she has “put on.”
17. Some disorganization is less impactful than other kinds. A

disorganized office desk drawer may be less of a problem than a
woman who has disorganized finances. What forms of
disorganization will your son have to try to fix or just live with?
And what will she pass on to your grandchildren?
18. The Proverbs 31 woman is kind, especially in her words

(Proverbs 31:26). How kind is this lady and what does her
kindness look and sound like?
19. How hard is this girl willing to work to please her husband?
Will she go on a diet? Will she allow him to advise her on
dress? Will she give up a hobby that takes too much time away
from family? Will she change her spending habits?
20. Correcting a spouse in public is embarrassing to him and sinful

for her. It demeans him as a man. It is mean of her as a woman.
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21. Old flames sometimes flicker on for years. Does she still have
pictures of her former boy friend? Gifts? His phone number on
her cell phone? Has she really broken off that relationship
emotionally as well as physically?
22. Singleness has its freedoms and pleasures. Is she willing to give
this up to become “tied down” to a marriage?
23. Virgin lips, eyes, and hands are wonderful. They bring purity to
marriage. Today, however, there are fewer of these kinds of
virgins around. Is she one of these? If not, how does she feel
about this? If she has robbed a boy of his virginity, has she
asked his forgiveness, his parents’, and God’s?
24. In today’s culture “shacking up” is the preferred way to get to

know someone of the opposite sex in spite of the statistics that
prove this leads to increased chance of divorce after marriage.
Find out her views on this unbiblical and destructive trend.
25. The breaking off of a relationship that has gone as far as

engagement indicates that a serious problem existed. It is
serious enough to know about so that it can be avoided with
your son.
26. The answer to this question will let you know how observant
she is of others mistakes and how serious she is about not
copying them
27. Dating violence is much more prevalent that most people know.
Has this young woman ever been violent with a boy? If so,
what kind of violence, when, and what has she done to deal
with this sin?
28. Does she know what it means to be a great wife? Has she
thought about this? Has she read up, been counseled, or noticed
this in others?
29. Standards are things she will and will not do because they are
personal convictions. Will she allow herself to become physical
with your son? Or does she have a conviction against this?
What are her standards based on?
30. Adultery happens even in Christian marriages. Does she know

of examples of this in her experience and in Scripture? What
are the details of her plan to guard against this?
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31. God knew that conflict would be inevitable in marriage. So He
included in His Scriptures strategies for successfully dealing
with disagreements, arguments, and strife. Is she familiar with
any of these?
GIFTS & TALENTS

1. The Bible mentions several lists of gifts. Is she a giver, ruler,
server, mercy, prophet, teacher, etc.?
2. Although we may have one prominent gift, God wants us to

develop others.
3. Does she want to be more generous or more aware of the needs

of other or more organized?
4. Is she musical, artistic, athletic, sharp in math, a computer whiz,

good with kids, etc.? Do these mesh well with the talents of
your son?
5. If you don’t use them you lose them. Talents should be

stewarded because they are gifts from God. Is she living up to
her potential? Is she fulfilling God’s will for her life?
6. She may not be a genius, but she should have some self
awareness of her abilities. Smartness comes in many packages.
Some girls are gifted in math, others in the creative arts, and
others in cooking. Does she realize this? Understanding will
help her best use her abilities for the Lord and her family.
7. A thief can be smart, but unwise. Wisdom involves the fear of

the Lord. How has she shown herself to be wise? Can she give
you examples of the wisdom of others?
GOALS
1. If she hasn’t thought like this, she is immature. Perhaps this is
another indicator that she is a “project.”
2. This gets you past any general answer to the above question and
into more detail planning.
3. Has she graduated from college? Is she debt free? Has she read
the Bible through? Has she led someone to Christ? Has she
traveled? Has she climbed Mount Everest yet?
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4. “I don’t know” is not a good answer. You are looking for a
forward looking gal, one who wants to be proactive with her
life, not content to just let life come to her.
MARRIAGE
1. Our Christian culture knows little about courtship. If she does
not know it would be helpful to give her some books to read,
seminars to attend, or set up a time to discuss courtship along
with her parents.
2. You hope to find a girl whose thinking is similar to yours and

your son’s on these matters.
3. The answer to this may already be obvious, but it is good to ask

the question plainly.
4. What are her self-imposed limits?
5. This is just an extension of the question above. What are her

limits and how do they match yours?
6. Does she have their blessing? If not, there’s no deal. In-laws

can act like outlaws if they are mad at her. Your son needs to
avoid this kind of strife.
7. If she does not know, recommend some books or seminars for

her attend.
8. This is asking her to honestly assess what she can invest in your
son and children. Listen for quality investments like
submission, Christ-like modeling, desire for children, godly
education, financial responsibility, love, sensitivity, diligence,
homemaking skills, and alertness to worldly evils, etc.
9. Does she have a job, education, homemaking skill, savings,

financial stability, experience with children, etc.? A couple has
to live on more than love.
10. Is it so she can escape a bad home situation? So she can have
another income to help her with debts? Because she is lonely?
Let’s hope she has some reasons that make biblical sense.
11. It would be interesting to see if she has considered the

alternatives to marriage.
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12. Handsomeness? A good provider? A companion? A coworker?
Let her give you her ideals.
13. You better hope she sees some that are deeper than good looks
or a sporty car!
14. Listen well, for her frankness here may give you valuable
information to share with your son for his improvement.
15. If she says, “He’s so handsome,” that’s OK. But, hopefully she
mentions other qualities.
16. This list should include her parents, perhaps friends, and maybe
her pastor.
17. Discern how she believes about the authority of husbands and
the submission of wives. What does she understand are the
“jurisdictions” of each partner?
18. This is important to know and she might not tell you unless she
is asked up front.
19. Christians have different views on this issue. How does her
view align with yours?
20. There are many views concerning this, even among Christians,
and her answer may not be a deal breaker. There is still time for
teaching on this matter.
21. This a sensitive question. You may want to ask this of her
parents.
22. We live in a society that increasingly sees children as burdens

and inconveniences. Will she let the culture determine how
many of your grandchildren she will have?
23. This term has new meaning in today’s culture. Does her
definition match with God’s definition?
24. Despite what our culture says, God calls wives to serve their
husbands. Does she understand this?
25. You are probing for her understanding of very important

marriage issues. Her answer will tell you how much she has
been taught and how much she still needs to learn.
26. The Bible teaches that although a husband and a wife mutually
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submit to each other in many areas, only one can lead, and that
person is rightfully the husband. How well does she understand
this?
27. Some doctrines are not deal breakers such a whether a person is
baptized 3 times forward or once backward. But, other
doctrines such as salvation by faith alone and not by works are
primary. It is your son’s role to catechize his children. How will
she feel as he teaches doctrines she was not brought up to
believe?
FINANCES
1. Tithing is a doctrine that has been spiritualized by much of the
Church. Does she understand how literal tithing is? Does she
see this as an issue of obedience and God’s blessing?
2. It is your son’s responsibility to bring the where-with-all to

support a wife. However, it would be interesting to know if this
young lady has saved for her marriage.
3. You may not want to pursue this too far lest her parents think
you desire her for her money. Be tactful.
4. Sadly, some couples start marriage with college, car, credit

card, and house debt. Is this what you want your son to take on?
Top Christian financial advisors are advising believers to get
out of debt.
5. Out of debt youth are rare these days. If you’ve got one sitting
in front of you, rejoice!
6. You may have already covered this in the questions above, but
it is important to know where she stands on this issue. Her
spending habits may cause future trouble for your son.
7. Cover more than just money. Include the giving of her time and
talents.
8. Would her parents say so, her siblings, best friend, boss,
landlord, and her credit card?
9. This may give you a clue to how tidy she is with her funds. If
she is messy with money will this be a source of contention
with your son?
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10. Your son will ultimately make this decision. Could she live with
either?
11. If she is working, it may be good to know how fast-track

minded she is. If she is in line to be a vice president, will your
son, who has a lower paying job, be willing to deal with this?
SEXUAL RELATIONS
1. If she is not, it should be explained. When did it happen, under
what circumstances, and who else knows about it. Was it sinful?
Has she repented of this?
2. If not, she must immediately do so. This offense is a bad

testimony to the other sinner and needs to be taken care of.
Furthermore, she should ask forgiveness of his parents for
dishonoring them.
3. Old flames sometimes do not go out easily. There is a bonding

that comes with immorality, besides the continued temptation.
If reconciliation is impossible, separation is best.
4. A father, pastor or counselor can give accountability and steps

towards overcoming temptation.
5. Immorality breaks trust and trust takes time to rebuild, a lot of

time. Words of sorrow over sin can be cheap. Purity over years
costs more and is a more reliable indicator of faithfulness.
6. This takes a lot of transparency to answer these questions. A yes

to any of these may not disqualify the person, though,
especially if it was an old event and repented of.
7. Was she caught? Was it God’s conviction? Was it the

confrontation of a friend or pastor?
8. This is sensitive stuff. Her parents may wish to respond for her
as long as they are reflecting her views.
9. The sins of the fathers (and mothers) do pass down the

generations according to the Bible (Numbers 14:18). Her
parents should answer this and tell what they have done to
break this cycle of sin.
10. Who is she accountable to? What Scripture has she memorized?
What books has she read? What limits has she put on her eyes,
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hands, lips, mind, time, entertainment, friends, etc.?
11. Studies indicate that having sex one time with a partner who
has had many partners is like having sex with all of them. And
if they have STDs the germs can be passed on. If her parents
say no to the test, you have a dilemma. Can you trust the
parents that she is clean?
12. This is controversial among conservative, evangelical

Christians. Discover if her convictions about this match those
of your son. It is too late to discover this on the marriage bed.
13. Premarital sexual sin is rampant in our culture, even among

Christians. What are her views on this and what does she intend
to do to avoid succumbing to it.
REARING CHILDREN
1. You must know this before seeing your son at the front of the
church. Your grandchildren are depending on this. How many is
important to ask because some today want to limit their families
to only one. Many great Americans were the last of many
siblings.
2. Adoption is a wonderful ministry, but it takes both partners to

be in agreement to make this work well.
3. More women are working full time than at any time in our
history. This has great impact on home life and when children
arrive. If she must work to pay off bills or pay his way through
college, how will this affect their marriage?
4. Children do not come with an owner’s manual. Knowing how

to discipline them comes from the example of parents and
training. What does she know about this vital subject and who
has taught her?
5. Christian fathers of old understood it was their role to carry out

the catechism of their children. But, many modern girls have
never had a father like that. Does this young lady realize how
vital it is that she support her husband in the spiritual
preparation of her kids?
6. There is nothing wrong with any of these things in and of

themselves. How does she plan to manage these aspects of
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entertainment so that they do not get out of balance or
unbiblical?
7. Roles play an important part in a marriage and they are not

interchangeable. Who leads? Who follows? Who advises? Who
changes the diapers? Who washes the dishes? Who changes the
car’s oil? The answer to some of these is both and to others one
should be in charge. What are her views?
8. It is not wrong to prefer one over the other. However, will she
be upset with God if she does not get what she wants? God
makes the call on the gender of a child. Is she OK with this?
9. Abortion (murder) is not an option. If she is OK with this, you

must not be OK with her. Having a special needs child is tough
and God assigns them to special marriages. Is it fine with her if
she receives such an assignment?
10. Quantity of time is the answer you want to hear. The more a
wife/mother spends with her family the more opportunity there
is for quality time.
11. There should be no surprises concerning this subject, just full

disclosure because it affects family finances, morale, and
responsibilities.
HEALTH
1. Addictions mean problems and problems pass down from
generation to generation.
2. Again, you may wish to ask this only of her parents.
3. Does she have cancer? Is she unable to have children?

Diabetic? Asthmatic? Epileptic?
4. This will be interesting, especially if she is overweight.

Incidentally, is your son overweight?
5. If she is a junk food addict she will have personal health

difficulties in the future and her menus could negatively
influence your son and their children.
6. You are still angling for the same health information but casting
for it in another way.
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7. This is not a deal breaker. But, it may give evidence of a serious
physical condition.
8. Compatibility is important. Folks have gotten divorced over

these issues.
9. Perhaps she was traumatized and has nightmares or fears of

things. Find out now.
10. Struggling does not necessarily mean sinning. But, the answer
may give you helpful information about spiritual maturity and
open the door for wise advice or even pastoral counseling.
11. The prospect’s background can give you insight into her past
and what or who her major influencers have been.
12. These anxieties will no doubt rise to the surface in marriage.

For your son’s sake beware.
13. More people admit to this than you would think and the
possibility could exist that she or her family have been involved
with demons.
14. Again, perhaps more indication of demonic involvement. Watch

out.
15. Demons trouble homes where parents have allowed Satan to

gain ground or advantage. That is why children sometimes
suffer the above. If she replies with yes, ask if the evil continues
to visit.
16. Fearing affects a person’s personality, behavior, and even

health. It is wise to find out now if she is afraid of the dark, to
fail, of her mother, etc.
17. Losses are part of life and folks handle them differently. Yet,
there are unbiblical ways to react to them. Discern if this
woman has been wise or foolish when faced with difficulties.
18. Ultimate safety is from the Lord. Yet there are ways one can
feel secure and be safe, such as being in a good church, staying
out of debt, understanding God’s calling and being in His will,
and having a clear conscience with the Lord and all men.
19. Two introverts in a marriage might make for a very quiet one.
On the other hand two extroverts can make a lot of “noise.”
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This is not a deal breaker, but it will be interesting to know how
“loud” this marriage might be.
20. Some folks keep things closed up to the point of bursting.

Others are as transparent as glass. Neither personality behavior
is beneficial. How balanced is this gal?
21. Joy is a character quality of God and a joyful marriage must be

the goal of all participants. So what brings joy to this lady and
will it bring the same to your son?
22. Happiness can be deceiving. Thieves can be happy after their

latest haul. So what makes her happy? Look for good things.
23. Surely you want your son to marry a woman, a feminine

woman. Unfortunately, our culture and even our churches are
turning out women who act and even look like men. Look for
womanly traits.
24. This is not the time for her to be humble. You are looking for
what she honestly believes she has accomplished. This is the
place for confidence.
25. A woman will change her preferences, but not her convictions.
What are hers?
26. Compromise is not a bad thing, if one is compromising on the

right things. Can she compromise on entertainment? Clothing
styles? House plans? Etc. This can indicate her stubbornness
quotient.
27. This is a sensitive area for many, but it is a subject that your son
may be very concerned about, especially if he is into healthy
eating and exercising.
28. Past abuse can affect a person for the rest of their lives. It is
necessary to ask this question in these days. Remember, no
question is too sensitive when your son’s future is at stake.
29. Some people are very “hung up” about physical “flaws.”
Height, weight, glasses, moles, teeth, etc. can affect the way
they view life. But, remember God assigns us some
characteristics that we label flaws. If we can change them for
the better, that’s great. If we can’t, we must give them a special
meaning and thank God for them.
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30. Some Christians have a real problem with this. Find out her
views and if so why she believes this. Better to know this now
than when your grandchildren go to school and need shots.
31. Surely, no believing Christian would do drugs. Oh no? You

better ask, because some drugs are hard to get out of the body
and can cause problems well into marriage.
32. The same people who would never buy a smoker’s car would
not like to marry a smoking woman. Better find out her brand if
she has one and how often she lights up or chews.
33. Today bulimia and anorexia are growing abuses of the body. Is
she admits to this, find out how recent this was and what
treatments she had. Does she continue to struggle with this?
This indicates a poor self image.
EDUCATION
1. Education shapes lives. How has her life been shaped by her
schooling?
2. Many graduates are not. But, the key here is whether she is
exactly where God wants her to be now.
3. This can give some measure of her diligence. But, you would
need to know more to really know. Some of the smartest people
are also some of the laziest.
4. This tells you whether she can take tests well. Some who do not
do so well make up for it by studying harder.
5. If she is a fan of Godless, left wing public schooling, be

concerned. The other two alternatives should be the only viable
options for your grandchildren.
6. Her educational values should align with yours and your son’s.
Otherwise there will be anguish when the children become
school age.
7. Would she send them a thousand miles away to a secular

university or Christian college? Would she prefer not sending
them to college but direct them into apprenticeship training
instead? Would she approve of a secular college nearby?
8. There is a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding about

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this growing movement. If you are a home schooling family
you will no doubt want her to be favorable to this type of
education.
9. Education is a fine thing and takes time and money. Best to

know what her plans are for this and how she is going to
schedule it and afford it as she is married to your son.
WORK AND CAREER

1. It takes more than love to make a marriage. It is necessary that
the husband be the primary bread winner. Is she planning on
keeping her job? If so why? What about when children arrive?
2. Today many are not working in the area of their studies. Is she
working where her talents and training lay? Is she happy doing
what she is doing? Does your son want his wife to be in the
home or have an outside career?
3. Is this woman content with entry level? Does she see an

advancement ladder in the place where she is working and what
is she doing to take some steps up on it?
4. Will your son be content to marry a mediocre woman? God

says we should do all to His glory and heartily as unto the Lord.
Is this the kind of performance her boss is seeing in her?
5. Listen carefully. A frank admission here is revealing of

dishonesty. And if she will lie to her boss, will she lie to her
husband?
6. The Bible has a lot to say about the slothful man (see Proverbs).
And none of it is good. But, even women can be lazy. Avoid
them because this will frustrate your diligent son.
MISCELLANEOUS
1. The Internet is useful and fun, but, it can be the pathway to
horrific sin. Internet immorality is played out by thousands of
Christians who don’t think that it counts against them. It does
and God does the counting.
2. Can she bake? Sew? Clean house? These domestic chores come
in handy in marriage.
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3. There are drug addicts, sex addicts, and TV addicts. They are
all bad.
4. You may be unfamiliar with what she names. But, if she loves
the primetime stuff with sex and vulgarity, she’s way out of line
with Christian values.
5. Recreation is OK if it’s kept in balance with responsibilities of

work and worship.
6. Any spiritual books? Or is it only mysteries or romances? If she

is not reading at all, ask why not?
7. This is a controversial issue among Christians. You must decide

how similar her values need to be to yours.
8. Promptness is a character quality of God who is never late.

How well does this lady “…put on the Lord Jesus Christ….”?
(Romans 13:14)
9. God is not a republican or a democrat. But each of their views

has beliefs. How she understands they compare with God’s
should be of concern to a thoughtful wife.
10. Voting is a responsibility we all have as citizens of the United

States. If she is a responsible person she will take care not to
neglect her vote and cast it wisely.
11. People can have a spotted past, repent, become a growing

Christian, and be qualified to court godly boys. But, it helps to
know if a woman has an arrest record, for what, and if she has
changed.
12. Activism is great if it is for the right causes. However, there

must be a balance here between activism and the fulfilling of
ones vocation and family responsibilities. So what is she
actively involved in?
13. Gambling and lottery playing make vast numbers of people

poorer than God wants them to be. These can be compulsive
habits at worst and a waste of entertainment resources at least.
14. Guns are a tool that should be carefully used and stored safely.
Each year hundreds of children are maimed and killed by the
firearms they find at home. If she dislikes guns, will she submit
to the desire of her husband to have firearms? How would she
54
like him to ensure that they are safely used and stored?
15. Some Christians go to movies and some don’t. Which kind is

she and how does this compare to the entertainment values of
this gal? If she does attend movies or watch them on TV, ask
her to explain her watching standards?
16. Swearing used to be only what ungodly sailors did. Now some
Christians justify the use of crude language. Ask her what
swearing or crudities are in her vocabulary and how and when
she justifies using them.
17. Superstitions are not biblical. Yet they are behaviors that some
folks have ingrained in their lives. Does she always put on her
clothes in a certain pattern? Does she avoid walking under
ladders? What does she do if a black cat runs across her path?
18. Some Christians will not celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter,

etc. Better find out what she does not observe before you buy
any presents.
19. Your son will appreciate coming home to a clean home. He will
also want his wife to be clean to take out on dates and to make
love to.
20. If your son is orderly, messiness will bother him for all his
marriage. And it will grate on him as he watches his children
growing up like mommy.
21. This may not be a deal breaker, but if your son loves the arts, he
will love a wife who can appreciate this. For some women this
will be an acquired taste, but ask how she feels about creative
things like decorating, fashion, art, and music?
22. It is usually the wife who becomes the computer widow. But,
what if this woman he likes is a super geek who is constantly on
line? Could he become a computer widower?
23. There is nothing wrong with chat rooms if the chatting is

chaste. What are her standards for participation and does he
have any problem being completely computer honest with her
husband at all times? Or will she have places that she goes on
the computer that he will know nothing about?
24. For some a roller coaster is daring. For others it is skydiving.

What does your son wish to tolerate, even encourage his wife to
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enjoy? And don’t forget to ask if she will be insuring herself
against accidental death.
CHARACTER
Godly character is the personification of Jesus Christ. In Romans 13:14 we
are admonished to “…put on the Lord Jesus Christ….” This command calls
all believers to become like their Lord. The character traits listed are in fact
the character descriptors of Jesus. He had them all. Although we will spend
our entire lives becoming like Christ, it is important to understand where the
prospect is in this process.
COMPATIBILITY
It has been said that opposites attract. While that may be true sometimes, it
may have tragic consequences in marriage if the interested couple has no
compatibility at all. Hopefully, this section will give insight into how much
alike or different they are.

It has been said that opposites attract. Perhaps. But, couples benefit from
commonalities because a good marriage is a good team. Working together
according to God’s calling is the norm. A man and his wife working as
individuals in unrelated activities is odd and a reason behind many divorces.
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57
Courtship
Questionnaire
By Ron & Rebekah Coriell
58
Copyright 2005, Coriell on Courtship Publications
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INTRODUCTION
“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.”

Proverbs 12:14
Besides salvation, what could be more important than to find that a godly spouse and
one who brings God’s blessing?
Rebekah and I met in college, dated, engaged, and married. Sounds pretty typical, doesn’t
it? We look back with many good memories to ponder with grateful hearts how God got
us through those years without becoming a dating casualty.
Dating casualty? Remember those friends of yours who dated, broke up, dated, went
steady, broke up, dated still others, broke up, and then finally found the right one,
engaged and married? Along the way hearts were torn asunder, expectations dashed, tears
flowed, and in some cases unexpected pregnancies resulted.Most likely you can name the
casualties you know on two hands.
Should finding a godly spouse be so dangerous? Is dating the necessary, rocky ditch God
has all couples cross to find each other? A look throughout history and around the world
would teach us otherwise.
Dating is a uniquely American experiment and fairly recent, within the last 100 years.
Throughout history, and still today, young people almost everywhere in the world meet
each other and move towards marriage through a process called courtship. Although it
sounds old fashioned to our 21st century ears, this practice is really the more typical and
dating is the more exceptional. Yet, because of the media and 100 years of acceptance of
dating, we know little of courtship in America, even among Christians.
Thankfully courtship is making a comeback. Young men and women and their parents are
finding it safer, more biblical, and more enjoyable than dating.
The sets of questions that follow are offered as a tool for getting to know the potential
spouse. In this day and age when young people date and hardly know each other, it is
vital that they do some discovery before becoming emotionally involved. Rebekah and I
have asked these questions of many of the men who came “a courting” for our daughters.
Three of these men who answered especially well were given permission to court and
easily won our daughters’ hearts. We pray that you will have similar success using this
tool. Please feel free to add more questions. In fact, you might pass them along to us to
add to future editions of this booklet on CD.
God bless you as you seek that special spouse God has for your son or daughter.
60
Questions
To Ask A Potential
Husband
For Your Daughter
Man’s name: _________________________________________________
Parents’ names: _______________________________________________
Address: _____________________________________________________
________________________________________ Phone: ______________
Date and place of meeting: ______________________________________
AUTHORS’ NOTE:
We recommend that you make the setting for asking these questions comfortable and
secluded. Rebekah and I have arranged for special luncheons at restaurants that had a
private room. The setting was intimate, handsome, and open ended on time. Plan for
these questions to take three to five hours to complete. If you think this is just too long
at one setting, split it up into two or more meetings.
Take a look at the APPENDIX for author comments about each question.
If you have any inquiries about the questions, please feel free to contact us at the address
and phone number below.
Ron and Rebekah Coriell

310 Broad Armstrong Drive
Brownsboro, AL 35741
256-539-2293
Can you make copies of this booklet on CD to hand out to the potential spouse and
his/her parents? Yes, by all means.
61
SPIRITUAL
1. Are you a Christian? How did you become one?
2. How does one become a Christian?
3. Have you been baptized? Why or why not?
4. Made any vows?
5. Has your faith been growing? Tell me how.
6. With what areas of your faith do you struggle?
7. How often do you have a “quiet time” with God?
8. What are the components of your quiet time?
9. Do you believe this time with God is necessary for all

Christians?
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10. What spiritual lessons has God been teaching you lately?
11. Would God say that there is a nagging sin in your life?
12. Do you memorize Scripture? What are you memorizing

now?
13. Do you meditate in Scripture?
14. What is your prayer life like? Do you use a list? Prayer
cards? Pray for things on different days?
15. What answers to prayer have you seen lately?
16. What idols do you struggle with in your life?
17. Is there anything that you constantly worry about?
18. What would those who know you best say is your biggest
flaw? How are you trying to overcome this?
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DOCTRINE
1. What theology would best represent what you believe, i.e.
Arminianism, Calvinism, etc.
2. What interpretive approach to the Bible is more biblical to

you (i.e. Dispensationalism, Covenant Theology, etc.)?
3. What is your eschatology (i.e. A-millennialism, Pre-

millennialism, Post-millennialism, etc.)?
4. What is your definition of sin?
5. How can a person get to heaven?
6. Can a Christian lose their salvation? If so, how? If not, why

not?
7. What place does the Ten Commandments & God’s Law

have in our lives today?
8. What is your view of the Sabbath? How do you practice it?
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9. What is your view of the Bible (i.e. does it contain the Word
of God or is it the Word of God)?
10. Are there any mistakes in the Bible?
11. Is the entire Bible inspired?
12. How is the Bible applicable to us today?
CHURCH
1. What is your church-going history? Your parents’ church-
going history?
2. What church do you attend now? Are you a member?
3. What are the benefits to belonging to a church?
FAMILY
1. How would you describe your parent’s faith?
2. How would you describe your religious upbringing?
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3. Are your parents currently married, separated, or
divorced? Please explain.
4. Was your father clearly the head of his home or was your
mother?
5. How did your father treat your mother?
6. How did your mother treat your father?
7. Was there ever any sexual immorality in your family?

Please explain.
8. Was there ever any child abuse? Please explain.
9. Were you adopted or raised by foster parents or legal

guardians? Please explain.
10. Would your father or mother say you are a responsible son?
11. Do you get along with your brothers and sisters?
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12. When is a son no longer under the authority of his parents?
13. Would your parents say that you were a rebellious teen?
Explain.
14. Have any in your family been involved in cultic practices?
15. What was the atmosphere of your home as you grew up?
16. Was your upbringing culturally or ethnically unique? Does

this remain a special part of your life? How will this affect
your married life?
17. What is the difference between a poor parent and a good

parent?
18. What was the most important thing that your father taught
you?
19. What positive things have you learned from watching your
parents’ marriage?
20. How do you feel about the influence of grandparents?

Would you let them live with you in their old age?
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21. What have your best friends taught you?
RELATIONSHIPS
1. As far as you know, is there anyone who could point a finger
at you and say, “You wronged me and you never took care
of it.”
2. If God led you to believe there is someone like the above,

what should you do?
3. What is your theology of anger?
4. What is your theology of conflict resolution?
5. Are you in surety to anyone?
6. Have you been married, engaged, gone steady, or courted

before?
7. Who is your best friend? Why?
8. When you get angry, how does it look to others?
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9. Do you believe it is OK for you to express anger in a
physical way? If so, when and how would this be
appropriate?
10. Explain how you take criticism and give an example of a

good criticism from which you learned.
11. We are all selfish at times. What are you selfish about?
12. How is God teaching you to deal with selfishness?
13. Emergencies happen in all our lives. What emergencies have

you experienced and how did you handle them?
14. What feeling(s) do you have the toughest time controlling?
15. What feeling(s) do you have the toughest time expressing?
16. In what ways are you an organized person?
17. In what ways are you disorganized?
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18. What is the most kind, considerate, caring, and thoughtful
thing you have ever done?
19. Should your future spouse love you the way you are or
would you be willing to make some changes such as the way
you dress, wear your hair, etc. to be more pleasing to her?
20. Have you ever told someone that you love them? What
happened to that relationship? Do you still have feelings for
that person?
21. What do you enjoy most about being single? What do you
dislike about it?
22. Have you ever kissed a girl? Have you ever “necked” or
“made out” with a girl? How do you feel about having done
this before marriage?
23. Have you ever lived with someone of the opposite sex to
whom you were not married? How do you feel about
cohabiting like this?
24. Have you ever been engaged to be married? What

happened?
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25. What mistakes have you seen other couples making before
they got married? Why do you believe they were mistakes?
26. Have you ever hit someone with whom you had a previous
relationship? Explain.
27. What makes you believe you will be a great spouse?
28. Are there any set of standards that you have set for relating
to the opposite sex?
29. Why do you think some marriages are torn apart by

adultery? What do you plan to do to insure that this does
not happen to your marriage?
30. What strategies will you employ to solve marital conflicts

that surely will come?
GIFTS & TALENTS

1. What is your spiritual gift?
2. What other spiritual gifts have you developed?
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3. What spiritual gifts do you wish you could better develop?
4. What special talents has God given you?
5. How are you using these talents?
6. In what ways would you consider yourself to be smart?
7. What is the difference between being wise and being smart?
GOALS
1. What is the overarching goal of your life?
2. What sub goals do you have?
3. Have you already reached any significant goals?
4. What do you see yourself doing in 5 years, 10, 20, etc.?
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MARRIAGE
1. What place should physical contact play in the courting
relationship?
2. What place should physical contact play in the engagement

period?
3. What do your parents think about you getting married?
4. What factors will make a marriage a success?
5. What would you bring to a marriage to make it successful?
6. What have you been doing to prepare yourself for

marriage?
7. Why do you want to get married?
8. What are some reasons for not getting married?
9. What qualities are you looking for in a marriage partner?
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10. Which of these qualities do you see in my daughter?
11. Are there some qualities you want but have not seen in my
daughter?
12. What attracted you to my daughter? When did this

attraction start?
13. Have you counseled with others about marrying my

daughter? What was their input?
14. Describe what you believe about roles in marriage.
15. Have you ever been married before?
16. Are you divorced or separated? If so, under what

conditions?
17. Do you have any children by another woman? Explain.
18. How many children would you like?
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19. Describe your belief about submission as you see it in
marriage.
20. If you are of another denomination than my daughter, how

are you going to reconcile any doctrinal differences when
you are teaching her and our grandchildren?
21. Is it ever proper for a mate to correct his spouse in public?
FINANCES
1. Do you tithe your income? If so, gross or net?
2. Do you have savings? How much? In what form?
3. Do you have income from other resources? How much?
4. Do you have outstanding debts to pay? How much? When

will they be paid off?
5. Are you financially free? For how long?
6. What are your beliefs about debt?
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7. What are your beliefs about giving? Do you give to any
charities?
8. Do those who know you well say you are a good manager of
your money?
9. What are your assets?
10. What are the pros and cons of renting or buying a home?
11. How much annual income do you bring in at your current

job?
12. What is the potential for advancement?
13. Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? If so, please explain.
14. Do you have any plans for investing any extra money?
15. How often do you balance your check book?
16. Could you manage in life without a credit card?
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17. Have you ever cosigned for someone? Is this current?
18. How important is it to have a will? Do you have one now?

How soon will you make one when you are married?
19. How do you feel about insurances? Do you have any now?
What kind will you get when you are married?
20. In what ways have you shown yourself to be good at

handling money?
SEXUAL RELATIONS
1. Are you a virgin? If not, please explain.
2. Did you ever ask forgiveness of your partner?
3. Does your partner live near you, work with you, or go to

your church?
4. Have you had any counseling for this?
5. If the sin was recent, why should I believe that you will not
repeat it?
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6. Are you/have you been involved with any of the following:
A. Constant thoughts about sex
B. Masturbation
C. Homosexuality
D. Pornography
E. X-rated videos, movies, Internet sites
7. If you were but are not now, why did you stop?
8. What is your view of each of the issues in question 6?
9. To your knowledge, were your parents involved in any of

the above?
10. If you have struggled with any of the above, what steps have
you taken to get control?
11. If you have been sexually immoral, would you be willing to

be tested for STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases)? Do you
know if you have an STD?
12. How do you feel about contraception? When would you feel
it is appropriate to use them?
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13. How do you plan to keep yourself and the one you love from
falling into sexual sin prior to marriage?
REARING CHILDREN
1. Do you wish to have children? How many? How soon?
2. Would you be open to adopting children if you could not

have any of your own?
3. What are your feelings about the mom staying home with
the children when they are young?
4. What are your beliefs about disciplining children?
5. What is your feelings about who should teach the children

about God?
6. Would there be any limitations you would impose regarding

such activities as TV, radio, sports, music, magazines,
friends, internet, etc.?
7. What is your view of the roles that each parent should play
in rearing children?
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8. Do you strongly want either a boy or a girl? Why?
9. If a child you have has a serious physical or mental defect,

how will you deal with this? Would you consider an
abortion? Give the child up for adoption?
10. Which is more important, quantity of time spent with

children or quality of time spent? Explain.
11. If you have a child by a previous marriage, are you

responsible for child support? If so, how much? What kind
of visitation arrangements are there?
HEALTH
1. Are there any addictions in your family history? If so,
please explain.
2. Is there any history of mental illness? Describe.
3. Have you or do you now have any physical ailments?

Explain.
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4. How would you describe your concern for diet, exercise,
rest, etc.?
5. What are your eating habits? Describe.
6. Do you have any cravings or passions for certain kinds of

foods?
7. Are you presently under any medication for any reason?
8. How good a sleeper are you? Do you snore?

Morning/Evening person?
9. Have you ever experienced any kind of trauma? Explain.
10. With which of the following are you currently struggling?

Please circle:
A. Daydreaming G. Obsessive thoughts
B. Inadequacy H. Headaches
C. Fantasies I. Inferiority
D. Dizziness J. Doubts
E. Bad thoughts K. Insecurity
F.Worry L. Other:
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11. What was the moral climate in which you were raised? Put
a check along the dotted line where it best fits.
Too Permissive Permissive Average Strict Too Strict
Clothing
....................................................................................................................................
Sex
....................................................................................................................................
Dating
....................................................................................................................................
Movies
....................................................................................................................................
Music
....................................................................................................................................
Literature
....................................................................................................................................
Free
will
....................................................................................................................................
Drinking
....................................................................................................................................
Smoking
....................................................................................................................................
Church
attendance
....................................................................................................................................
12. Which of the following emotions have you had or are now
struggling with? Please circle.
Frustration Anger Anxiety Loneliness Worthlessness
Depression Hatred Bitterness Suicidal Fear of going

thoughts to hell
Fear of Fear of Other?

dying abandonment
13. Have you ever had an imaginary friend or spirit guide

offering you guidance or companionship?
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14. Have you ever heard voices in your mind or had repeating
and nagging thoughts, which were foreign to what you feel
or believe, as though a dialogue were going on in your head?
15. Have you ever had an experience where you sensed an evil
presence in your room as a child?
16. Are there any special fears that you have? If so, how do they
affect the way you live?
17. Have you ever had a BIG disappointment? What was it and
how did you deal with it? Is this typical of how you handle
losses?
18. What makes you feel safe and secure?
19. Which more describes you: introvert or extrovert? How

does this look to others?
20. Are you pretty transparent with your feelings or do you

tend to keep things to yourself?
21. What experiences give you the most joy?
22. Would your friends say you are a happy person?
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23. How would you describe the best thing about being a man?
24. With what 3 things in your life are you the most pleased?
25. What will you not compromise on, even in marriage?
26. What things would you be open to compromising on in

marriage?
27. If you are overweight, would you be willing to make a

concerted effort to lose pounds if your spouse asked you to?
28. Have you ever been abused sexually, emotionally, or

physically? If so, do you still have emotional scars from
this? Have you ever told anyone?
29. What about yourself would you see as a physical flaw? How
do you feel about that?
30. Would you ever have a problem with vaccinating your

children?
31. How do you feel about recreational drugs? Have you ever
taken any? Explain. Are you using any now?
32. Do you smoke or chew tobacco? What is your feeling about

84
the health dangers?
EDUCATION
1. What educational experiences have you had? Degrees?
2. Are you using your degree in your current work?
3. What was your grade point average (GPA) in high school

and college?
4. What was your score on your SAT test?
5. What are your opinions about education such as public,

Christian, or home education?
6. If you had school age kids, where would you put them?
7. What are your beliefs concerning sending your kids to

college?
8. What are your views on home schooling?
9. Do you wish to continue your education? Why? Where and

when?
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WORK AND CAREER
1. Do you have a job? For how long?
2. Why did you choose this kind of work? Is it the field of

work you wish to pursue long term?
3. What opportunities for advancement are there?
4. What kind of performance evaluation would your boss give

you? A, B, C, D, F
5. Do you like to work alone or with a team?
6. Do you ever call in sick when you are really well?
7. Do you work harder than your coworkers or just as hard as

they work?
8. Are you content with your present job or would you like to
make a change in the near future? If so, why?
9. How do you feel about your spouse working?
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MISCELLANEOUS
1. How much time do you spend on the Internet? Do you
frequent chat rooms? Explain.
2. Do you work well with your hands?
3. Do you have a TV? How much do you watch per week?
4. What are your favorite shows?
5. What do you like to do for recreation? How much time do

you spend on it per week?
6. What books, magazines, or papers are you currently

reading?
7. What type of music do you prefer? How much time do you

spend listening each week?
8. Would your friends and coworkers say you are usually

prompt or late?
9. How would you describe your political views? Would you

say you are liberal, conservative, or what?
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10. Do you vote? Explain why or why you do not believe this is
important.
11. Have you ever been arrested? If so, explain.
12. Are you an activist in any causes? Explain.
13. How do you feel about gambling or the lottery?
14. How do you feel about guns and having them around the
house?
15. Do you go to the movies or watch them on TV? If so, what

are your favorite films and why?
16. Do you swear or use foul language? If so, when do you feel it
is appropriate?
17. Do you have any superstitions? Explain.
18. Do you have any beliefs that would prohibit you from
celebrating any holidays? If so, explain.
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19. How clean would your mother say you keep your room,
apartment, or house? How about your body?
20. Do you usually put things up right away after you use
them?
21. What role does art play in your life?
22. What role does the computer play in your life?
23. Do you spend computer time in chat rooms? What topic are
the chat rooms devoted to?
24. Do you like to do things that are dangerous and daring?
CHARACTER
Rate your character development using the following scale. Write the
numbers beside the character traits below.
5 – Those who know me would say I have this trait.
3 – Not everyone would recognize this trait in me, but some would.
1 – Only a few people would say I have this trait.
0 – No one that I know would say I have this trait.
___ Wisdom ___ Discernment ___ Faith ___ Discretion ___ Diligence
___ Self-Control ___ Enthusiasm ___ Love ___ Creativity ___ Thoroughness
___ Hospitality ___ Alertness ___ Patience ___ Security ___ Generosity
___ Joyfulness ___ Flexibility ___ Availability ___ Responsible ___ Initiative
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___ Respect ___ Dependability ___ Attentive ___ Sensitivity ___ Justice
___ Compassion ___ Loyalty ___ Gentle ___ Deference ___ Meekness
___ Truthfulness ___ Sincerity ___ Virtue ___ Boldness ___ Forgiveness
___ Obedience ___ Thrifty ___ Tolerance ___ Cautious ___ Resourceful
___ Contentment ___ Grateful ___ Persuasive
COMPATIBILITY
On a scale of 0-5, rate yourself and my daughter on the following qualities.
Five (5) is the highest rating. Zero (0) is the lowest. If you are not sure
enough to make a rating, leave the line blank.
Qualities You My daughter Qualities You My daughter
Accepting ____ _____ High energy ____ _____
Patient ____ _____ Resentful ____ _____
Stubborn ____ _____ Forgiving ____ _____
Easily annoyed ____ _____ Musical ____ _____
Dominant ____ _____ Neat ____ _____
Self-Centered ____ _____ Extravagant ____ _____
Gentle ____ _____ Affectionate ____ _____
Pushy ____ _____ Athletic ____ _____
Reliable, dependable ____ _____ Artistic ____ _____
Handsome/beautiful ____ _____ Lazy ____ _____

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Forgetful ____ _____

Circle which of the following interests & activities you enjoy.
Church Reading Competitive Spectator sports Hobbies
sports
Outdoor fun Social Clubs Organizations Art

gatherings
Politics Shopping Videos/TV Devotions Movies
Table games Travel Hospitality Business Computer

activities
Other:
OTHER QUESTIONS
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APPENDIX
Below are comments about the questions for a potential husband. They are organized in
the same way the questions were. Our hope is that they will be helpful in understanding
the reason for each question. These are meant for the questioner and do not have to be
shared with the one questioned.
SPIRITUAL
1. This question is a deal breaker. If he is not a Christian he cannot
lead your daughter or your grandchildren spiritually. The next
question asks for the same information in another way.
2. Listen closely and don’t put any words in his mouth. Many
“Christians” are professing Christians and not possessing
Christians. Also, I have been surprised at how untaught some
Christians are. If he cannot explain how a person becomes a
Christian, is he ready to lead a Christian family?
3. Baptism is an important doctrine, no matter what method or

when it is done. Yet many believers give it little attention.
Again, if he has not dealt with this important issue, is he ready
for a spiritual marriage?
4. Christians do not make many spiritual vows these days.

However, some have and it is interesting to know what they are.
If it is something like being a vegetarian or eunuch you might
want to know.
5. Do not let your daughter court a guy who is not growing in his
relationship with Christ. Period.
6. Is he dealing with doubts about God? Doubts about the Bible?

Perhaps there is a spiritual issue you could both study together
over a few months before allowing him to court.
7. If he is not reading the Word and praying regularly, thank him

for his interest and say goodbye.
8. What is he reading? How is he praying? Is he memorizing

Scripture?
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9. This can reveal his understanding of the importance of a daily
walk and talk with God.
10. If he struggles to answer this, he is indicating that his

relationship with God is very shallow or non-existing.
11. This could be embarrassing to him, but confessing to a

weakness demonstrates humility, which is good. On the other
hand, if his sin is pornography you may not want to consider
him.
12. Few Christians do. If you find a fellow who does, that’s
impressive.
13. Even fewer than the few in question 12 practice this discipline.
If he does, it’s very impressive.
14. This is just another question from a different angle to

understand the spiritual disciplines in his life.
15. This gives you a clue to how active God is in his life. Look for
specific answers, not general ones.
16. Idols are anything that one loves more than God. They can
include money, a girlfriend, a motorcycle, etc. Even Christians
can be idol worshippers. Is he?
17. Worry is a common sin. But, is it a besetting sin in his life? A

fellow that is constantly anxious about things does not trust the
God he professes to believe in.
18. We all have flaws, or shortcomings. A wise man will know his
weaknesses and have a plan for overcoming them. What is his?
DOCTRINE
1. He may be clueless. You may be clueless. Find out for yourself.
Then teach him if necessary. This is more important than you
realize. He and his pastor could be teaching your grandchildren.
2. Again, he and you may not know. Find out. This is important.
How one interprets the Scriptures makes a difference in the way
lives are lived out.
3. What one believes about the future matters with how one lives
today. And you may have to do some study yourself to be ready
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to ask this question. Good.
4. This may seem too obvious. But, remember, the “…natural man
[non-Christian] receiveth not the things of God, neither can he
know them”. By the way, sin means breaking God’s laws.
5. The answer to this may give you a good idea whether he is a

real Christian or not. If he does not come up with the right
answer, ask it another way, “If you were to die today and go up
to the gates of Heaven, and an angel asked you why he should
let you in, what would you say?” If he responds with good
works, or church attendance, or family tradition, or anything
other than his trust in Jesus Christ as his personal Savior, he’s
disqualified. If you suspect he may be a real Christian (by the
fruits of his life), but not well taught, he still is disqualified for
the near future. You might consider discipling him.
6. This doctrine makes a difference in how life is lived and will be

taught to your daughter and grandchildren.
7. Again, this question gets at his doctrinal beliefs. However you

believe, the answer here is revealing of what he believes and
will live out.
8. Keeping one day dedicated to God was important enough for

Him to include it in the 10 Commandments. How significant is
this day in this young man’s life?
9. A vital belief here. I hope you believe the latter. And he better
too.
10. We are not asking for scribal errors in punctuation here. We

mean the story of creation, the great flood, miracles, etc.
11. Liberal theology says no. They pick and choose what is
inspired. If he believes this, don’t pick him.
12. This reveals his practical understanding of the Scriptures and

his spiritual maturity. The man who courts your daughter should
be more spiritually mature than she is.
CHURCH
1. None, some, off and on, regular? Denomination? Remember,
his church history colors his beliefs and actions in the future.
Your daughter will be marrying into that.
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2. If he does not attend church, he is disqualified. If he is not a
member, why not? He better have a very good reason.
Nonmember Christians are not submitting to spiritual authority
and are not accountable to a body of believers. If he is not
taught in this area, teach him. And inform him how he can join
your church.
3. It is important that he understand how valuable church is.
FAMILY
1. Marriage ties one to another family. But, if his family is
unsaved this is not necessarily a deal breaker. Otherwise Ruth
could not have married Boaz, from which came Jesus.
2. This may seem redundant, but we need to seek the same

information in several ways.
3. It helps to know if there are any family conflicts in his past.

Remember, she marries into these.
4. The modeling that went on during his upbringing may predict

how he will lead his home.
5. This behavior is often passed down to the son and can be a

prediction of how he will treat his future wife.
6. Was she dominating, wearing the pants? Did he have a timid,

weak father as a role model?
7. If he protests that this is irrelevant, inform him that no question

you ask is too personal. He must be truthful and forthcoming. If
he is not willing to give full disclosure, this question is his last.
8. Dirty family laundry must be inspected. Get the facts now so

there won’t be any surprises later.
9. The fuller family history you get the better.
10. Some sons are living outside of the blessing of their parents. If
so, you need to explore this fully.
11. This is more searching for family conflicts. These siblings will
become your grand children's aunts and uncles.
12. This is a crucial question few Christians know the answer to.
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Here it is: until his father releases him, which could be into his
adult years. A daughter is never independent and out from under
either a father (Galatians 4:2) or her husband’s authority, unless
orphaned or widowed. God is then her spiritual head (Psalms
68:5, 146:9).
13. If so, what has he done to right the wrongs he committed during
that period? Forgiveness and restitution are prerequisites to
courtship with a clear conscience.
14. Wouldn’t you want to know if a parent was a Satanist, or a

member of some other cult?
15. Harmonious, contentious, lazy, strict, sportzy, religious, loud,

quiet, cluttery, spic-n-span, what? Don’t expect him to change
what he is used to after marrying your daughter.
16. Intercultural marriages can be difficult especially if the cultural

differences clash. If this suitor has a culturally different
upbringing, how does it affect his views about marriage? How
will his parents express their culture as grandparents?
17. Does this man know a good parent when he sees one? If not,
how can he be one? Listen carefully to his answers to discern if
his ideas match those of your experience and Scripture.
18. The relationship of a father to his son is important to how he

will turn out as a mature man. Find out his thinking about his
dad and how he influenced his life. If he had a terrible father or
absent father, what other man ministered to him in a significant
way as he was growing up?
19. How observant has he been about his parents’ marriage? Can he
discern the good and the bad? How is this informing him about
the marriage to your daughter he hopes to have?
20. Grandparents in today’s society have less honor and impact

than 100 years ago. What are his views? Are they like those of
our culture? And how he views them living with him might tell
you how he will treat you when you are old.
21. Friends influence. So how have his friends shaped him? The
Bible warns against the evils of bad friends. Has he had any?
What good has he learned from his good friends?
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RELATIONSHIPS
1. God wants believers to have a clear conscience. If he answers
“Yes”, then he must go back to wronged individuals and take
care of his offenses.
2. This will tell you if he knows how to clear his conscience with
an offended person.
3. When is anger appropriate? How does he express his anger?

What are the negative affects of anger in a marriage?
4. How does he see himself dealing with problems at work, at

church, and at home?
5. The Bible says to flee surety. You would not want your
daughter to share God’s discipline of him. Therefore, surety
must be eliminated before courtship.
6. You should be aware of old attachments. Further ask why he

broke off these relationships. If he has given some of his heart
to other women, how much of his heart has he left for your
daughter?
7. Do you want this friend influencing him into his marriage to

your daughter?
8. Anger can destroy a marriage. Can he see the affects of anger

on others? Does he recognize anger in his life?
9. Expressing anger is a controversial matter. Even Christ was

angry and He expressed it physically (driving out the money
changers in the Temple). But, He is God and could do so
righteously. The Bible says, “Be angry and sin not.” Most of the
time we humans express anger physically or otherwise we are
out of control and claiming rights that are not ours to claim.
What is his “theology” of anger?
10. We all need criticism, but we do not all take it willingly. How
will he respond to any criticism his wife might have for him?
Or his father-in-law?
11. If he says he is never selfish, he is lying. Everyone is selfish.

Listen to his confession and see how honest and transparent he
is with you.
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12. This is where the “rubber meets the road.” Admitting to
selfishness is nice. But, dealing with it God’s way is better.
What is his testimony?
13. Your daughter’s future husband must be depended on to lead in

times of emergency. How this man has dealt with past trials
may give you a clue to how he will take care of his family in
the days ahead.
14. Anger? Sadness? Lust? Greed? These are all common feelings.
How he deals with them is critical to a godly marriage. His
strategies now predict his success with feelings in the future.
15. Feelings affect a person (and others) even though they are not
openly expressed. Some men give their wives the silent
treatment when they are angry. Does this man keep inside his
anger, frustrations, jealousies, sadness, etc.? Why?
16. Organization leads to success in many areas of life. It is an

expression of the character of God. Finding out how this suitor
is organized is finding out how much of this character quality of
Christ he has “put on.”
17. Some disorganization is less impactful than other kinds. A

disorganized office desk drawer may be less of a problem than a
young man who has disorganized finances. What forms of
disorganization will your daughter have to try to fix or just live
with? And what will he pass on to your grandchildren?
18. The Bible says kindness makes a man attractive (Proverbs

19:22). How kind is this suitor and what has his kindness
looked like?
19. How hard is this fellow willing to work to please his wife? Will
he go on a diet? Will he allow her to advise him on dress? Will
he give up a hobby that takes too much time away from family?
Will he change his spending habits?
20. Old flames sometimes flicker on for years. Does he still have
pictures of his former girl friend? Gifts? Her phone number on
his cell phone? Has he really broken off that relationship
emotionally as well as physically?
21. Singleness has its freedoms and pleasures. Is he willing to give

this up to become “tied down” to a marriage?
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22. Virgin lips, eyes, and hands are wonderful. They bring purity to
marriage. Today, however, there are fewer of these kinds of
virgins around. Is he one of these? If not, how does he feel
about this? If he has robbed a girl of her virginity, has he asked
her forgiveness, her parents’, and God’s?
23. In today’s culture “shacking up” is the preferred way to get to

know someone of the opposite sex in spite of the statistics that
prove this leads to increased chance of divorce after marriage.
Find out his views on this unbiblical and destructive trend.
24. The breaking off of a relationship that has gone as far as

engagement indicates that a serious problem existed. Serious
enough to know about so that it can be avoided with your
daughter.
25. The answer to this question will let you know how observant he
is of others mistakes and how serious he is about not copying
them.
26. Dating violence is much more prevalent that most people know.
Girls who are hit by boyfriends are reluctant to report it. Has
this young man ever been violent with a girl? If so, what kind
of violence, when, and what has he done to deal with this sin?
27. Does he know what it means to be a great husband? Has he

thought about this? Has he read up, been counseled, or noticed
this in others?
28. Standards are things he will and will not do because they are
personal convictions. Will he allow himself to become physical
with your daughter? Or does he have a conviction against this?
What are his standards based on?
29. Adultery happens even in Christian marriages. Does he know of

examples of this in his experience and in Scripture? What are
the details of his plan to guard against this?
30. God knew that conflict would be inevitable in marriage. So He

included in His Scriptures strategies for successfully dealing
with disagreements, arguments, and strife. Is he familiar with
any of these?
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GIFTS & TALENTS
1. The Bible mentions several lists of gifts. Is he a giver, ruler,
server, mercy, prophet, teacher, etc.?
2. Although we may have one prominent gift, God wants us to

develop others.
3. Does he want to be more generous, more aware of right and

wrong as the biblical prophet was, etc.?
4. Is he musical, artistic, athletic, sharp in math, a computer whiz,

good with kids, etc.? Does this mesh well with the talents your
daughter has?
5. If you don’t use them you lose them, they say. Talents should be
stewarded because they are gifts from God. Is he living up to
his potential?
6. He may not be a genius, but he should have some self

awareness of his abilities. Smartness comes in many packages.
Some fellows are gifted in math, others in the creative arts, and
others in taking apart mechanical things. Does he realize this?
Understanding will help him best use his abilities for the Lord
and his family.
7. A thief can be smart, but unwise. Wisdom involves the fear of

the Lord. How has he shown himself to be wise? Can he give
you examples of the wisdom of others?
GOALS
1. If he hasn’t thought like this, he is immature. Perhaps this is
another indicator that he is a “project.”
2. This gets you past any general answer to the above question and
into more detail planning.
3. Is he debt free? Has he read the Bible through? Is he a

millionaire yet? Has he climbed Everest?
4. “I don’t know” is not a good answer. You are looking for a

forward looking man, one who wants to be proactive with his
life, not content to just let life come to him.
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MARRIAGE
1. What are his self-imposed limits? Would he expect to hold your
daughter’s hand? Hug her? Kiss her? Notice the question asks
for his beliefs, not what you will or will not allow. Let him talk
first.
2. This is just an extension of the question above. What are his

limits and how do they match yours?
3. Does he have their blessing? If not, there’s no deal. In-laws can

act like outlaws if they are mad at him. Your daughter needs to
avoid this kind of strife.
4. If he does not know, recommend some good books or seminars

for him attend before coming back to talk to you about
courtship.
5. This is asking him to honestly assess what he can invest in your

daughter and children. Listen for quality investments like
leadership, protection, Christ like modeling, financial
responsibility, love, sensitivity, alertness to worldly evils,
enough income to support any size family God gives.
6. Does he have a good job, education, vocational training,

savings, financial stability, house, etc.? A couple has to live on
more than love.
7. So he can have legal sex? So he can have another income to

help him with debts? Because he’s lonely? Because his mother
is nagging him? Let’s hope he has some reasons that make
biblical sense.
8. It would be interesting to see if he has considered alternatives to

marriage.
9. Is he looking for beauty? A good cook? A housekeeper? A

coworker? Let him give you his ideals.
10. If he does not know, he needs to observe your daughter more

and come-a-courting later.
11. Listen well for his frankness here may give you valuable
information to share with your daughter for her improvement.
12. If he says, “Her beauty,” that’s OK. But, hopefully he will

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mention other qualities.
13. This list should include his parents, perhaps friends, and maybe
his pastor.
14. Discern how he feels about the authority of husbands and the
submission of wives. What does he believe are the
“jurisdictions” of each partner?
15. This is important to know and he might not tell you unless he is
asked up front.
16. Christians have different views on this issue. How does his
view align with yours?
17. Children by other marriages are complicating factors. Is your

daughter ready to handle this? Who has custody? Is there child
support? What does the visitation look like?
18. We live in a society that increasingly sees children as burdens

and inconveniences. Will he let the culture determine how many
of your grandchildren to have?
19. The Christian view of submission and the culture’s view are
opposite. Which view does he hold? This is a critical question
and will affect every area of marriage and raising children.
20. All doctrine is important. But, some doctrinal differences are

more tolerable than others. If he and his denomination believe
that a person should be baptized three times forward instead of
once backward, this may be tolerable for you and your
daughter. However, if he believes that salvation is by faith plus
works, this is a major difference that you must decide whether
you can tolerate when he catechizes your grandchildren. If he is
not versed in what his denomination believes, he needs to find
out and take a position now, before he considers marriage to
your daughter. Marry now and study later is not wise.
21. Correcting a spouse in public can be embarrassing at least and

dishonoring at worst. Is he sensitive to this?
FINANCES
1. Family giving to God determines how God gives to the family.
You surely want God to be generous to your daughter’s future
family.
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2. Don’t be afraid to be this inquisitive. It is vital that you know
up front if he can support your daughter and a family.
3. Perhaps he is working three jobs, or won a lottery or is

independently wealthy.
4. Sadly, some couples start marriage with college, car, credit

card, and house debt. Is this what you want for your daughter?
5. Out of debt men are rare these days. If you’ve got one sitting in
front of you, keep talking!
6. You may have already covered this in the questions above, but
it is important to know where he stands on this issue. He may
be out of debt now, but will his beliefs about money
management keep him financially responsible?
7. Cover more than just money. Include what he thinks about

giving of his time and talents.
8. Would his parents say so, his siblings, his best friend, his
banker, his boss, his landlord, his credit card?
9. Does he have property, a house, car, investments, savings

account, an education, etc.?
10. A mature, future-thinking man will have thought about this.

Pick his brain.
11. This will tell you if he can support a wife and family.
12. Is he in a dead end, low paying job? Can he become a

supervisor, vice president, or even owner someday?
13. If so this is a warning flag about financial mismanagement.

Why did he file for bankruptcy instead of trying to pay back his
debt?
14. Most youthful men are not this far sighted. Is he? Does he have
a good enough job to be able to invest, even at the onset of
marriage? And if so, does he have any knowledge of wise
investing?
15. Never balanced a checkbook? Once a year? Or does he balance

his check book weekly? This may give you a clue on how tidy
he is with his finances.
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16. Christian financial advisors are teaching believers to get out of
debt and to cut up their credit cards. This is totally opposite to
the culture which now markets credit to teenagers. Can he live
without the plastic?
17. Cosigning violates Scripture (Proverbs 6:1,2; 11:15). If he has,

is this an old sin he has repented of? Is he still obligated? For
how much? What are his plans to get out from under this
situation?
18. Having a will is just financial wisdom. If he has not thought of

this, it is time to do some good counseling about this matter.
19. Millions of Christians’ dollars are spent on the wrong kinds of

insurance. Find out if he knows the best kind of insurance to get
and if he knows where to get it.
20. Financial problems are the major reason why most marriages
fail. He must have a good handle on handling money.
SEXUAL RELATIONS
1. If he is not, he should explain the immorality. When did it
happen, under what circumstances, and who else knows about
it.
2. If not, he must immediately do so. This offense is a bad

testimony to the other sinner and needs to be taken care of.
Furthermore, he should ask forgiveness of her parents.
3. Old flames sometimes do not go out easily. There is a bonding

that comes with immorality, besides the continued temptation.
4. A pastor or counselor could give him helpful accountability and

steps toward overcoming temptation.
5. Immorality breaks trust and trust takes time to rebuild, a lot of

time. Words of sorrow over sin are cheap. Purity over years
costs more and is a more reliable indicator of faithfulness.
6. This takes a lot of transparency to answer these questions. A yes

to any of these may not disqualify the person, though,
especially if it was an old event and repented of.
7. Did he get caught? Was it God’s conviction?
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8. It better be God’s point of view. If not, this guy is a loser.
9. The sins of the fathers (and mothers) do pass down the

generations according to the Bible (Numbers 14:18). If his
answer is yes, what has he done to ensure that he will not
follow in their footsteps?
10. Who is he accountable to? What Scripture has he memorized?

What books has he read? What limits has he put on his eyes,
hands, lips, mind, time, entertainment, friends, etc.?
11. Studies indicate that having sex one time with a partner who
has had many partners is like having sex with all of them. And
if they have STDs the germs can be passed on. If he says no to
the test, he fails your test.
12. This is controversial among conservative, evangelical

Christians. Discover if his convictions about this match those of
your daughter. It is too late to discover this on the marriage bed.
13. Premarital sexual sin is rampant in our culture, even among

Christians. What are his views on this and what does he intend
to do to avoid succumbing to it?
REARING CHILDREN
1. You must know this before walking your daughter down the
aisle. Your grandchildren are depending on this. How many is
important to ask because some today want to limit their families
to only one. Many great Americans were the last of many
siblings.
2. Adoption is a wonderful ministry, but it takes both partners to

be in agreement to make this work well.
3. More women are working full time than at any time in our
history. This has great impact on home life and when children
arrive. If she must work to pay off bills or pay his way through
college, how will this affect their marriage?
4. Children do not come with an owner’s manual. Knowing how

to discipline them comes from the example of parents and
training. What does he know about this vital subject and who
has taught him?
5. Christian fathers of old understood it was their role to carry out

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the catechism of their children. But, many modern boys have
never had a father like that. Does this young man realize how
vital it is that he leads in the spiritual preparation of his kids?
6. There is nothing wrong with any of these things in and of

themselves. How does he plan to manage these aspects of
entertainment so that they do not get out of balance or
unbiblical?
7. Roles play an important part in a marriage and they are not

interchangeable. Who leads? Who follows? Who advises? Who
changes the diapers? Who washes the dishes? Who changes the
car’s oil? The answer to some of these is both and to others one
should be in charge. What are his views?
8. It is not wrong to prefer one over the other. However, will he be

upset with God if he does not get what he wants? God makes
the call on a child’s gender. Is he OK with this?
9. Abortion (murder) is not an option. If he is OK with this, you

must not be OK with him. Having a special needs child is tough
and God assigns them to special marriages. Is it fine with him if
he receives such an assignment?
10. Quantity of time is the answer you want to hear. The more a
husband/father spends with his family the more opportunity
there is for quality time.
11. There should be no surprises concerning this subject, just full

disclosure because it affects family finances, morale, and
responsibilities.
HEALTH
1. Addictions mean problems and problems pass down from
generation to generation.
2. Again, there is no question too personal.
3. Does he have cancer? Is he impotent? Diabetic?
4. If he tells you he is for all of these, ask him to tell you how he
practices them.
5. If he is a junk food addict he will have personal health

difficulties and negatively influence your daughter and the
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children. Plus, you may outlive him.
6. You are angling for the same health information but casting for
it in another way.
7. If he says he’s on antidepressants, probe deeper.
8. Perhaps if your daughter snores too they will be a good fit.

These are compatibility questions.
9. Perhaps he was in a war and has flashbacks, nightmares, or

fears of things. Find out now.
10. Struggling does not necessarily mean sinning. But, the answer
may give you helpful information about spiritual maturity and
open the door for wise advice or even pastoral counseling.
11. The prospect’s background can give you insight into his past
and what or who his major influencers have been.
12. These anxieties will no doubt rise to the surface in marriage.

For your daughter’s sake beware.
13. More people admit to this than you would think and the
indication is that he has been involved with demons.
14. Again, more indication of demonic involvement. Watch out.
15. Demons trouble homes where parents have allowed Satan to

gain ground or advantage. This is why children sometimes
suffer the above. If he replies with yes, ask if the evil continues
to visit him.
16. Fearing affects a person’s personality, behavior, and even

health. It is wise to find out now if he is afraid of the dark, to
fail, of his mother, etc.
17. Losses are part of life and folks handle them differently. Yet,
there are unbiblical ways to react to them. Discern if this man
has been wise or foolish when faced with difficulties.
18. Ultimate safety is from the Lord. Yet there are ways one can
feel secure and be safe, such as being in a good church, staying
out of debt, understanding God’s calling and being in His will,
and having a clear conscience with the Lord and all men.
19. Two introverts in a marriage might make for a very quiet one.
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On the other hand two extroverts can make a lot of “noise.”
This is not a deal breaker, but it will be interesting to know how
“loud” this marriage might be.
20. Some folks keep things closed up to the point of bursting.

Others are as transparent as glass. Neither personality behavior
is beneficial. How balanced is this guy?
21. Joy is a character quality of God and a joyful marriage must be

the goal of all participants. So what brings joy to this fellow and
will it bring the same to your daughter?
22. Happiness can be deceiving. Thieves can be happy after their

latest haul. So what makes him happy? Look for good things.
23. Surely you want your daughter to marry a man, a real man, not
a girlie man. Unfortunately, our culture and even our churches
are turning out effeminate men. Look for manly traits.
24. This is not the time for him to be humble. You are looking for
what he honestly believes he has accomplished. This is the
place for confidence.
25. A man will change his preferences, but not his convictions.
What are his?
26. Compromise is not a bad thing, if one is compromising on the

right things. Can he compromise on entertainment? Clothing
styles? House plans? Etc. This can indicate his stubbornness
quotient.
27. This is a sensitive area for many, but it is a subject that your
daughter may be very concerned about, especially if she is into
healthy eating and exercising.
28. Past abuse can affect a person for the rest of their lives. It is
necessary to ask this question in these days. Remember, no
question is too sensitive when giving away your daughter is at
stake.
29. Some people are very “hung up” about physical “flaws.”
Height, weight, glasses, moles, teeth, etc. can affect the way
they view life. But, remember God assigns us some
characteristics that we label flaws. If we can change them for
the better, that’s great. If we can’t, we must give them a special
meaning and thank God for them.
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30. Some Christians have a real problem with this. Find out his
views and if so why he believes this. Better to know this now
than when your grandchildren go to school and need shots.
31. Surely, no believing Christian would do drugs. Oh no? You

better ask, because some drugs are hard to get out of the body
and can cause problems well into marriage.
32. The same people who would never buy a smoker’s car would
not like to marry a smoking man. Better find out if he does light
up or chews.
EDUCATION
1. Many CEOs of major companies have never been to college.
But, it is interesting to know if and where he went to school and
why.
2. Many college graduates are not, which makes one wonder if the
money was not wasted.
3. This can give some measure of his diligence. But, you would
need to know more to really know.
4. This tells you whether he can take tests well. Some who do not
do so well make up for it by studying harder in class.
5. If he is a fan of Godless, left wing public schooling, ditch him.

The other two alternatives are the only viable options for your
grandchildren.
6. His educational values should align with yours and your

daughter’s. Otherwise, there will be anguish when the children
come along.
7. Would he send them a thousand miles away to a secular

university or Christian college? Would he prefer not sending
them to college but direct them into apprenticeship training
instead?
8. There is a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding about

this growing movement. If you are a home schooling family
you will no doubt want him to be favorable to this type of
education.
9. Education is a fine thing and takes time and money. Best to

109
know what his plans are for this and how he is going to
schedule it and afford it as he is married to your daughter.
WORK AND CAREER

1. It takes more than love to make a marriage. How is this fellow
going to support himself and your daughter?
2. Today many are not working in the area of their studies. Is he

working where his talents and training lay? Is he happy doing
what he is doing? Is he on a step ladder towards what he really
wants to do someday?
3. Is this man content with entry level? Hopefully not. Does he see
an advancement ladder in the place where he is working and
what is he doing to take some steps up on it?
4. Will your daughter be content to marry a mediocre man? God

says we should do all to His glory and heartily as unto the Lord.
Is this the kind of performance his boss is seeing in him?
5. This is interesting since marriage in many ways is a team effort.

Some men work best alone but adjust well when they get home
to be a part of the family team.
6. Listen carefully. A frank admission here is revealing of

dishonesty. And if he will lie to his boss, will he lie to his wife?
7. The Bible has a lot to say about the slothful man (see Proverbs).
And none of it is good. Avoid the lazy man like the plague. It is
a deal breaker.
8. You don’t want your daughter to marry a man with a secure job
only to find out after the honeymoon that he is quitting to move
5 states away to sell T-shirts in a traveling carnival.
9. Some men are looking for nice, godly, hard working women to
bring in a salary so that they can go fishing while they look for
work, and look, and look, and….
MISCELLANEOUS
1. The Internet is useful and fun, but, it can be the pathway to
horrific sin. Internet immorality is played out by thousands of
Christians who don’t think that it counts against them. It does
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and God does the counting.
2. Can he build something? Repair things? Change the oil and fix
a tire? These domestic chores come in handy in marriage.
3. There are drug addicts, sex addicts, and TV addicts. They are
all bad.
4. You may be unfamiliar with what he names. But, if he loves the

primetime stuff with sex and vulgarity, he’s way out of line with
Christian values.
5. There may be nothing wrong with sports per se, but I’ve seen
too many golf, baseball, and football widows.
6. Any spiritual books? Or is it only mysteries or war books? If he

is not reading at all, ask why?
7. This is a controversial issue among Christians. You must decide

how similar his values need to be to yours.
8. Promptness is a character quality of God who is never late.

How well does this fellow put on the Lord Jesus Christ?
9. God is not a republican or a democrat. But each of their views

have beliefs. How you understand they compare with God’s
should matter to you.
10. Voting is a responsibility we all have as citizens of the United

States. If he is a responsible person he will take care not to
neglect his vote and cast it wisely.
11. People can have a spotted past, repent, become a growing

Christian, and be qualified to court godly girls. But, it helps to
know if a man has an arrest record, for what, and if he has
changed.
12. Activism is great if it is for the right causes. However, there

must be a balance here between activism and the fulfilling of
one’s vocation and family responsibilities. So what is he
actively involved in?
13. Gambling and lottery playing make vast numbers of people

poorer than God wants them to be. These can be compulsive
habits at worst and a waste of entertainment resources at least.
14. Guns are a manly tool that should be carefully used and stored
111
safely. Each year hundreds of children are maimed and killed
by the firearms they find at home. If he likes guns, how does he
plan to ensure the safety of your grandchildren?
15. Some Christians go to movies and some don’t. Which kind is

he? If he does attend movies or watch them on TV, have him
explain his watching standards.
16. Swearing used to be only what ungodly sailors did. Now some
Christians justify the use of crude language. Ask him what
swearing or crudities are in his vocabulary and how and when
he justifies using them.
17. Superstitions are not biblical. Yet they are behaviors that some
folks have ingrained in their lives. Does he always put on his
clothes in a certain pattern? Does he avoid walking under
ladders? What does he do if a black cat runs across his path?
18. Some Christians will not celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter,

etc. Better find out what he does not observe before you buy
any presents.
19. It is manly to not be afraid to do dirty things, but it is no mark

of manhood to stay dirty. Your married daughter will appreciate
a man who keeps an orderly car and garage, cleans his finger
nails before holding her hand, brushes his teeth before kissing
her, and takes showers before love making.
20. If your daughter is orderly, messiness will bother her for all her
marriage. And it will grate on her as she watches her children
growing up like daddy.
21. This may not be a deal breaker, but if your daughter loves the
arts, she will love a husband who can appreciate this. For some
men this will be an acquired taste, but ask how he feels about
creative things like decorating, fashion, art, and music?
22. Computer widows are a growing kind of wife. Someday there

may be therapy groups for them. But, not for your daughter, if
you can find out how geekie this fellow really is.
23. There is nothing wrong with chat rooms if the chatting is

chaste. What are his standards for participation and does he
have any problem being completely computer honest with his
wife at all times? Or will he have places that he goes on the
computer that she will know nothing about?
112
24. For some a roller coaster is daring. For others it is skydiving.
What does your daughter wish to tolerate, even encourage her
husband to enjoy? And don’t forget to ask if he will be insuring
himself against accidental death.
CHARACTER
Godly character is the personification of Jesus Christ. In Romans 13:14 we
are admonished to “…put on the Lord Jesus Christ….” This command calls
all believers to become like their Lord. The character traits listed are in fact
the character descriptors of Jesus. He had them all. Although we will spend
our entire lives becoming like Christ, it is important to understand where the
prospect is in this process.
COMPATIBILITY
It has been said that opposites attract. While that may be true sometimes, it
may have tragic consequences in marriage if the interested couple has no
compatibility at all. Hopefully, this section will give insight into how much
alike or different they are.

Couples benefit from commonalities because a good marriage is a good
team. Working together according to God’s calling is the norm. A man and
his wife working as individuals in unrelated activities is odd and a reason
behind many divorces.
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Courtship

By Ron & Rebekah Coriell

Parents’ names: _______ ____________

Date and place of meeting: ______________________________________

2. How does a person become a Christian?

3. Have you been baptized? Why or why not? Any vows?

4. Has your faith been growing? Tell me how?

5. With what areas of your faith do you struggle? How often

6. What are the components of your quiet time?

7. Do you believe this time with God is necessary for all

8. Would God say that there is a nagging sin in your life?

9. Do you memorize Scripture? What are you memorizing

11. What answers to prayer have you seen lately?

12. What idols do you struggle with in your life? Is there

2. What is your eschatology (i.e. A-millennialism, Pre-

3. What is your definition of sin? How can a person get to

4. What is your view of the Sabbath? How do you practice it?

6. Is the entire Bible inspired?

7. How is the Bible applicable to us today?

1. What is your church-going history? Your parents’ church-

2. What church do you attend now? Are you a member?

3. What are the benefits to belonging to a church?

2. How would you describe your religious upbringing?

3. Are your parents currently married, separated, or

5. How did your mother treat your father? Please describe.

6. Was there ever any sexual immorality in your family?

8. Would your father or mother say you are a responsible

9. When is a daughter no longer under the authority of her

10. Have any in your family been involved in cultic practices?

11. Was your upbringing culturally or ethnically unique? Does

14. How do you feel about the influence of grandparents?

15. What have your best friends taught you?

1. As far as you know, is there anyone who could point a finger

2. If God led you to believe there is someone still offended,

3. What is your theology of anger? What is your theology of

5. Have you been married, engaged, gone steady, or courted

6. When you get angry, how does it look to others?

7. Do you believe it is OK for you to express anger in a

8. Explain how you take criticism and give an example of a

9. How is God teaching you to deal with selfishness?

10. What feeling(s) do you have the toughest time controlling?

11. What feeling(s) do you have the toughest time expressing?

12. In what ways are you an organized person?

14. What is the most kind, considerate, caring, and thoughtful

21. What makes you believe you will be a great spouse?

23. Why do you think some marriages are torn apart by

GIFTS & TALENTS

2. What spiritual gifts do you wish you could develop more?

3. What special talents has God given you?

1. What is the overarching goal of your life? What sub goals

2. Have you already reached any significant goals?

3. What do you see yourself doing in 5 years, 10, 20, etc…?

2. Which kind of relationship is preferable to you and why?

3. If God leads, are you willing to enter into a courtship

4. What place should physical contact play in the courting

5. What place should physical contact play in the engagement

6. What do your parents think about you getting married?

7. What factors will make a marriage a success?

8. What would you invest in a marriage to make it successful?

9. What have you been doing to prepare yourself for

10. Why do you want to get married?

11. What are some reasons for not getting married?

12. What qualities are you looking for in a marriage partner?

13. Which of these qualities do you see in my son?

Parents’ names: _ ______