I’m A Friend

Guidance Notes for Parents and Guardians

Your child has attended an awareness session at school on anti-bullying organised and delivered
by ‘I’m A Friend’. This pamphlet is designed to tell what was discussed as well as some additional
information around bullying that you may find useful should you wish to discuss it further with
your child.

What is ‘I’m A Friend’

I’m A Friend is an initiative aimed at reducing bullying and creating a community of support for
people who find themselves being bullied at school, work, play or at home.
The mission is to create a more thoughtful, caring society where friends look out for friends.
The objective is to establish a group of members who will spread the I’m A Friend message of
caring, understanding and lending support to people of all ages who are suffering and often
finding themselves in despair.
Pledge
Everyone who supports the values and ideals of I’m A Friend makes the following
proud statement:
✓ I do not agree with bullying behaviour
✓ I do not accept that it is ever alright for anyone to bully me
✓ I will support the victims of bullying in whatever way I can.

Adults and older children making the Pledge are given a Pin in the image of an eye, the symbol
of I’m A Friend, plus a card that reminds them of their pledge. Your child (because of their age)
will have been given a wrist-band displaying the same eye symbol instead.
Please contact xxxxxx if you wish to purchase your own Pledge card and pin

Values
There are four key values held by all who support and aim to promote I’m A Friend:-

COURAGE - The ability to stand up for what we believe in, using good behaviour and respect for
everyone else

DIGNITY - The quality of being worthy of respect, an admirable way of being that we are all
entitled to, whether it be in the home, school, workplace or sporting activity

RESPECT - Thinking about, or looking at, life in a non-judgmental way. An understanding or

feeling that we are all important, valuable people and should be treated in an appropriate way

STRENGTH - The ability to deal with problems as they may arise in a fair and effective manner

During the awareness session, these values were explained and demonstrated through
discussion and activities with your child, at a level that they can understand.

www.imafriend.com Children aged 5 - 7

I’m A Friend

Definition of Bullying
There is no single definition of bullying. We believe that the following words describe what it is
and impact it can have

Bullying is any repetitive act or behaviour by an individual or group that threatens,

undermines, intimidates or frightens others. It is detrimental to the victim’s mental and
physical health, their confidence, self-worth, career, reputation and family life

For younger children we explain it to them as follows:-

Bullying is hurtful, mean, annoying behaviour caused by another that results in fear,
loneliness and upset

Bullying vs Teasing
It can be difficult to distinguish between bullying behaviour and teasing or banter.
To be considered as bullying, the behaviour would be:-
➢ Deliberate - with intent to hurt someone, physically or emotionally
➢ Repeated - someone may be targeted again and again by the same person(s)
➢ Power Imbalanced - person targeted is considered to be vulnerable

Different forms of bullying

Bullying behaviour can occur in many different forms and with varying levels of severity. The
general categories are:-
➢ Physical - poking, pushing, hitting, kicking, beating up
➢ Verbal - yelling, taunting, name-calling, insulting, threatening to harm
➢ Psychological - intimidation, stalking, manipulation
➢ Social - excluding, spreading rumours, getting others to hurt someone
➢ Cyber - sending hurtful messages or images by Internet or mobile phone

What makes I’m A Friend different

Anyone wearing or displaying the I’m A Friend symbol is making a proud statement that they do
not accept bullying behaviour and that they support victims in whatever way they can.
This unique initiative gives a voice to the victims of bullying and presents a clear message that
this form of behaviour is unacceptable. One of our objectives is to promote the I’m A Friend
concept and values both to those responsible for bullying and those who are damaged by it. Our
comforting symbol represents a friendly eye looking out for you at all times.
I’m A Friend is more than just a symbol, it is a way of life to be embraced with enthusiasm for
the benefit of all.
Friendship is a basic need for us all. We reinforce the importance of supporting our friends in
times of need rather than becoming a bystander, perhaps due to fear of being picked on next.

www.imafriend.com Children aged 5 - 7

I’m A Friend

Typically, the bully is looked upon in a very negative way. At I’m A Friend, we understand that
there can be many reasons why someone starts using bullying behaviour and that they in turn
are often a victim. We therefore look to support all people involved.

What signs should you look out for

At this age, signs might include:-
o Withdrawn
o Not eating
o Feeling ill in the mornings
o Not wanting to travel on the school bus
o Clothing or books badly damaged or ‘lost’
o Crying themselves to sleep and nightmares (possibly even bedwetting)

What should you do if you believe your child is being bullied

Firstly, talk to them in a quiet and calm manner. Children who are being bullied are often
frightened to tell, either because they have been threatened, or because they fear adult
intervention will make things worse. Be prepared for your child to deny that there is anything
wrong.

Encourage your child by saying that you are concerned and that you want to help and support
them, whatever the problem, and that you can work together to solve this problem. Don’t
promise to keep it secret, but reassure them that you will help sort out the situation.

Take whatever your child says seriously and find out exactly what has been going on. You will
then need to decide who to talk to in the first instance, e.g., teacher, school principal or
someone else who can help to solve the problem.

When talking to the school, try not to be angry or lose your temper, however upset you are. A
good working relationship between you and the school is crucial. Make a note of everything your
child tells you, note any injuries, damage or loss so you can explain clearly. This will make it
much easier for the school to help.

How can you support your child if they have been bullied
Once the immediate situation has been dealt with, you will need to help re-build their self-
esteem and confidence. You can do this through:-
o Reassuring your child often that you love them and are completely on their side
o Reassuring your child that the bullying is not their fault and can be stopped
o Explaining that reacting to bullies by becoming upset only encourages them. If bullies get
no response, they’ll get bored
o Trying to minimize opportunities e.g., stay with a group
o Looking at opportunities to widen social interaction with other children of the same age,
e.g., inviting new friends around; joining after-school activities such as Ladybirds / boy
scouts / girl guides or sports activities
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I’m A Friend

Why some children bully others

There can be many different reasons. For example some may turn to bullying as a way of coping
with a difficult situation such as their parents’ divorce or the death of a relative. Some may be
used to getting their way through using bullying behaviour, perhaps in a family where other
members do the same. Other reasons could be because they just want to be ‘top dog’ and
believe this behaviour will help them or they may be victims of abuse and want to take their
anger and humiliation out on others. Whatever the causes, those responsible for bullying others
need to learn that it is unacceptable and that there are consequences for all involved. Through
adopting the principles of I’m A Friend, people will learn to become more mindful of their own
behaviour, the impact it can have on others, and how things can become better for everyone.

What to do if your child is the bully

If you learn that your child is a bully, stay calm and try not to be angry or defensive. Ask exactly
what you child has been doing, if there is a pattern to the behaviour, or if it is a one-off incident.
Then talk to the school to understand more about what has happened and what can be done.

Once the immediate situation has been dealt with, you can support your child. Suggestions
include:-
o Talking to them about the principles of I’m A Friend
o Asking them if they understand what made them start bullying, perhaps they have been
bullied as well
o Reassure them that you still love them. Their bullying behaviour is the issue and you will
work with them to help change such behaviour
o Help them identify how to make amends to the person affected by their bullying
behaviour
o Help them identify any triggers that can set of the bullying behaviour so that alternative
responses can be developed
o Create opportunities for praising them when they do things well

Does I’m A Friend offer counselling?

This is not a service we are able to offer. We suggest that you contact one of the following
organisations who will be able to help in this aspect:-

www.childline.ie - 1800 666666

Where can you get more information about bullying

www.imafriend.com Children aged 5 - 7
I’m A Friend

www.imafriend.com

www.tacklebullying.ie
www.bully4u.ie

www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.net

www.imafriend.com Children aged 5 - 7