Verbs of giving and receiving in Japanese

You express giving and receiving by using three verbs in Japanese: あげる ageru (to
give), くれる kureru (to give), and もらう morau (to receive). They have honorific
counterparts: 差し上げる sashiageru, 下さる kudasaru, and 頂く itadaku,
respectively.

Which one of these verbs you use depends on who the giver and the receiver are and what
their relationship is. Here, the notion of in-group and out-group plays an important role.
Your family are always your in-group members, whereas the others are usually your out-
group members. However, if you feel very close to your friend, he or she can be your in-
group member. Similarly, if you are in a business context, the members in your company
can be your in-group members whereas your clients are your out-group members. In fact,
the giver and the receiver are often omitted in conversations because the choice of verbs
can clarify who is the giver and who is the receiver.

The verb くれる kureru means to give, but the receiver of the item must be the speaker,
or it must be the speaker’s in-group member when the giver is his out-group member. If the
giver is the speaker’s in-group member, the receiver must be the speaker himself or his in-
group member, who is closer to the speaker than the giver. That is, the verb くれる
kureru shows the giving takes place in the inward direction. However, in a question
sentence, the second person can be the receiver.

For example:
山田さんは私に花をくれました。
Yamada-san wa watashi ni hana o kuremashita.
Ms. Yamada gave me flowers.
山田さんは私の妹に花をくれました。
Yamada-san wa watashi no imōto ni hana o kuremashita.
Ms. Yamada gave my little sister flowers.
叔父は母に花瓶をくれました。
Oji wa haha ni kabin o kuremashita.
My uncle gave my mother a vase.
田中さんはあなたに何をくれましたか。
Tanaka-san wa anata ni nani o kuremashita ka.
What did Mr. Tanaka give to you?

In all other contexts, あげる ageru is used. For example:

私は由美子さんに辞書をあげます。あなたには本をあげます。
Watashi wa Yumiko-san ni jisho o agemasu. Anata ni wa hon o agemasu.
I’ll give Yumiko a dictionary. I’ll give you a book.
トムさんは美香さんに本をあげました。あなたは美香さんに何をあげましたか。
Tomu-san wa Mika-san ni hon o agemashita. Anata wa Mika-san ni nani o
agemashita ka.
Tom gave Mika a book. What did you give to Mika?
In a formal context, use honorific counterparts of these verbs. Use 下さる kudasaru
instead of くれる kureru when the giver is higher in social status than the receiver. Use
差し上げる sashiageru instead of and あげる ageru when the receiver is higher in
status than the giver. The relative social status can be decided by a variety of factors
including age and occupational position.

Remember the slight irregularity in the conjugated form of 下さる kudasaru: its stem
form is 下さりkudasari, but its final syllable り ri changes to い i when followed by
polite suffixes such asます masu and ました mashita.

For example:
先生が私に辞書を下さいました。私は先生に花を差し上げました。
Sensi ga watashi ni jisho o kudasaimashita. Watashi wa sensei ni hana o
sashiagemashita.
The teacher gave me a dictionary. I gave my teacher flowers.

When you are talking about giving to animals or plants, you can use やる yaru instead of
あげる ageru. You can also use やる yaru when you speak of giving something to your
child or younger sibling. For example:

花に水をやりました。
Hana ni mizu wo yarimashita.
I watered my flowers.