Running head: MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 1

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also
embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing
Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Michelle! My name is Angela B. I look forward to working with you on this Extended Essay
Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:
Your conclusion mentions the companies that are the benchmarks for success:

The commitment to grow and develop by serving others has greatly impacted the bottom line
for companies such as Microsoft, Starbucks and McDonald’s making them the benchmark of
success for their respective industries.

This reminds your readers of the companies that have been discussed earlier and this allows them to
realize how these companies are truly the best of the best. Good job, Michelle!

* 9560316 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:

Your paper contains too much quotes and paraphrases from outside sources, Michelle. This leads to a
lack of originality when it comes to the content of your paper. This is a problem because your
assignment description calls for a portfolio, but this submission is mostly a collection of quotes from
outside sources with little input from you. In order for us to address this concern, I’ll be quoting an
excerpt from your draft below:

McDonald’s Corporation is an international success with over 36,000 locations in over 100
countries (McDonald’s, 2017). The formula for success at McDonald’s is seen through their
actions. Women and minority accounted for 80 percent of their workforce and supported for
promotion through their Leadership At McDonald’s Program (LAMP) that identifies potential
executives with diverse backgrounds (Brown & Mack, 2011). Like McDonald’s, successful
organizations “respect individuals on both sides of the counter” (Brown & Mack, 2011, p. 93,
para. 1). The ethical culture of respect allows the organization to constantly improve by
learning from every experience to grow. Improving diversity is considered a journey vital to
gaining market share, building revenues, to improve the bottom line (Brown & Mack, 2011).
Benchmark caliber companies support diversity as part of the organizational strategic plan
from the board of governance down to the frontline employee (Gauss & Jessamy, 2007).

What points will explain how this progress is reflected throughout this report? What links make
navigating the portfolio easier for your audience? How would you evaluate the practices and the
accompanying ethics of this company? Add more input and make sure that quotes are only suppletory
to your analysis. Read more about Using Your Sources Wisely in your Smarthinking Writer’s
Handbook.
Organization
Some of the topic sentences of your body paragraphs contains information from outside sources. Here
is the excerpt:

Effective organizations understand the economic climate and the vital role of ethical practices
in maintaining a competitive edge. Guffey and Loewy (2015) defines ethics as “conventional
standards of right and wrong that prescribe what people should do” (p. 25)

Information from outside sources are usually used as supporting details for the topics in each body
paragraph. Using the information above in the topic sentence breaks the flow of idea from the thesis
statement to your body paragraphs.
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 2

The first sentences of body paragraphs are generally considered the topic sentences. They give the
topic of discussion of each paragraph, connecting them at the same time to the main idea in the thesis
statement. This helps transition the idea from the thesis statement to the body paragraphs of an
essay. It would be beneficial for you if you revised this according to these questions:

· How will you write the topic sentence that contains the sentence above?
· What is the topic of discussion for this paragraph?
· How will you connect it back to the main idea of your essay?

Make sure that your new topic sentence continues the flow of the discussion from the previous
paragraph to the next paragraph. You can learn more about Clear Topic Sentences in the
Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook.

* 9560316 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics:
Some of your sentences are missing commas. Using commas to separate words and ideas is
important because it allows your readers to have a smooth reading experience. Failure to use commas
when needed can cause confusion.

Pepsi, like other successful organizations must remain teachable by learning from
mistakes and implementing the appropriate tools like the 3-x-3 writing process to effectively
communicate messages and maximize opportunities.

Groups of words that aren’t necessary for a complete sentence are known as nonessential elements.
Generally, these nonessential elements provide additional description of nouns and pronouns. So you
may understand the revision need better, I have created a parallel example below:

A bird in the hand, as they say, is worth two in the bush.

In this sentence, the boldfaced part provides additional information, but this is not essential to create
a grammatically complete sentence. You could remove them and you’d still have complete sentences;
plus, the meaning is still pretty clear. Because of this, the commas are needed to show that the
elements are not essential.

Please check your draft for similar errors. You may read more about Commas in your Smarthinking
Writer’s Handbook.

Summary of Next Steps:

 Avoid using quotes from outside sources as your topic sentences

 Generate more original content for your submission

 Put nonessential elements in between commas

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision
process. Have a good day, Michelle! – Angela B.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's
Handbook.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 3

Making the Mark: Best of the Best

Michelle Davidson

ORG536 – Contemporary Business Writing and Communication

Colorado State University – Global Campus

Dr. Brian Neff

February 4, 2017
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 4

Making the Mark: Best of the Best

The best organizations in the world serve as they lead. The business environment is

pliable, willing to adjust to necessary change needed to learn, grow, and develop. Every crisis is

an opportunity to innovate and improve. Values are communicated through organizational

culture, operational practices, and strategic plan. The growing emphasis on building a “good

society” challenges organizations to “play a central role” in leading by example based on the

amount of time spent working and interacting with people (Collins, 2015, p. 304. para. 2). This

paper offers an analysis of organizational ethics, cultural management, appropriate writing

practices, and digital mediums as integral components of effective business communication

responding to the tangible efforts of companies to improve.

Effective and Ethical Business Communication

Effective organizations understand the economic climate and the vital role of ethical

practices in maintaining a competitive edge. Guffey and Loewy (2015) defines ethics as

“conventional standards of right and wrong that prescribe what people should do” (p. 25)

comprehensive of genuine concern for others and social responsibility. After the financial crisis

of 2008, financial institutions fined over $100 billion exposing “systematic weaknesses” (p. 5,

para. 2) as it relates to ethical practices demanding a dramatic shift towards social responsibility

(Thakor, 2016). The new standard of ethical actions transformed companies, requiring a greater

investment in organizational culture and communication to be considered effective. Culture

defined by Guffey and Loewy (2015) is a “complex system of values, traits, morals, and

customs” (p. 87) that forms an identity. The environment is similar to a small country with its

language and behaviors synchronized in forming a unique product. In an organization, the code
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 5

of ethics, code of conduct, ethical decision-making framework, followed by ethical training,

develop a harmonious product known as an ethical culture displaying a shared values system

(Collins, 2015). The actions of the organization should communicate a safe environment

committed to the welfare of others (McCarty, 2016). The rebuilding of consumer trust and

confidence requires organizations to be thoughtful and intentional communicating their values

and business practices to all stakeholders inclusive of government, employees, and society.

Effective communication should reflect organizational responsibility that considers the well-

being of people, community, and the environment. When there’s ethical agreement in

governance, performance, and communication, doing the right thing becomes natural. [What is

an example of this? Illustrate an example in order to prove your point. Make sure that you

are able to relate this point to the thesis.]

Ethics and Corporate Social Responsibility

Organizations are now allocating substantial budgets towards their corporate social

responsibility (CSR) campaigns to effectively communicate through their marketing strategy the

commitment to ethical values, respect for people, communities and the natural environment

(Benoit-Moreau & Larceneux, 2011). The results of financial performance are greater impacted

by reputation than the product offerings (Smith, 2017). Microsoft and founder Bill Gates are

distinguished as a world leader in their industry and ranked #1 amongst the Fortune 100

companies for having the best CSR reputation based on survey data collected from the general

public by the Reputation Institute (Smith, 2017). Microsoft annually releases a Corporate

Citizenship Report that details its CSR programs and reported an excess of $1 billion in CSR

initiatives in 2014 (Dudovskiy, 2015). Effective and ethical business communication must

transcend rhetoric into action when cultivating an organization esteemed for its ethical reputation
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 6

(Benoit-Moreau & Larceneux, 2011). Benchmark organizations like Microsoft have

accomplished just that as exemplified by their CSR investments. [How exactly did Microsoft

accomplish this? Let your readers know more about this.]

Five Traps Leading to Unethical Behaviors

Perceived pressure to lie, cheat, or steal to be successful in an organization negates CSR

and leads to unethical behaviors (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). Contrary to an ethical culture, the

underlying factor for bad choices is fear; fueled by the loss of opportunity, income, and stability.

Guffey and Loewy (2015) describes these factors as the five traps of unethical behavior inclusive

of The False Necessity Trap, The Doctrine-of-Relative-Filth Trap, The Rationalization Trap, The

Self-Deception Trap, and The Ends-Justify-the-Means Trap; all of which victimizes the

individual to believing they lack alternatives. When the emphasis of an organization is profit

first, the culture supports ethical dilemmas violating the code of ethics in realizing financial

performance (Lii, 2001). The guilty extends beyond the individual committing the act, to the

organization supporting the behavior by their lack of ethical values. In the case of executive

assistant Doug Faneuil, forced to testify against his boss and biggest client Martha Stewart; both

the organization and individuals were on trial requiring Faneuil to take responsibility for his

actions and tell the truth under oath (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). Like Faneuil, “analyzing issues,

evaluating choices, and acting responsibly” (p. 29) are requirements for all employees even to

the extent of exposing unethical practices by their organization (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). The

cautious approach to future situations would be to reflect before acting. Consider asking

yourself the legality of the action, impact on those involved, alternatives, possible feedback from

trusted advisor, and whether your inner circle of friends, family, employer, and coworkers would

agree with your decision (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). This reasoning process encourages
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 7

reconsideration of actions with the hope of fostering better decisions even in the midst of a

contradicting environment.

Ethical Best Practices

Minimize or avoid the pitfalls of unethical practices by committing to the establishment

of a sound ethical culture that clearly lives out its values. Governance (hiring, code of ethics,

decision-making framework) defines commitment (McCarty, 2016). Training and operations

(reporting, goals, empowerment, product, services, environmental management, community

outreach) display execution (McCarty, 2016). The desire to improve through refinement

(benchmarking best practices and personal assessments) results in best practices (McCarty,

2016). After the financial crisis of 2008, Starbucks, like most companies were struggling to

survive. They responded by decreasing physical stores while announcing ambitious goals to

invest in farmers and ethical sourcing of coffee, service to the community and expand global

standards for green retail operations (Starbucks, 2017a). During the 2015 annual meeting, CEO,

Howard Schultz, shared how the $100 billion market value of company shares obtained. Schultz

states “success is deeply rooted in the values, culture and guiding principles of who we are, who

we’ve been and who we are striving to be as a company” (Starbucks, 2017b, para. 6). Starbucks

encompasses the characteristics of an effective, ethical organization that allows its actions to

speak louder than words.

Intercultural Business Communication

Ethical cultures support the global shift in business, requiring successful organizations to

respectfully embrace the unique values of an intercultural marketplace. In the United States (US)

alone, the anticipated population of people in 2050 is expected to be as many as 458 million with

immigrants representing two-thirds of that figure (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). Effectively
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 8

engaging the intercultural community is inevitable. Business communicators must skillfully

consider cultural differences in thinking, behavior, and communication (Guffey & Loewy, 2015).

The sensitivity of serving an intercultural marketplace complements an organization vested in

ethical practices considering the importance of respect and genuine concern for others.

Understanding of Intercultural Characteristics

Understanding the origin of an individual or group provides necessary data in formulating

the proper environment and communication to build relationships. Distinguishing culture is

beyond the visual traits such as clothing, gestures, language, and behavior to include beliefs and

values, attitudes and biases, upbringing, feeling and fears (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). Walmart

Corporation missed the mark with its global expansion by duplicating its western business

practices in an entirely different culture. In Japan, for instance, the campaign “Every Day Low

Prices” used in the US was interpreted locally as cheap with poor quality and drove customers

away (Mba Skool, 2017). [What exactly was this campaign about? Tell your readers more

about it.] The communication was ineffective creating a “clash of values”

(p. 243, para. 1) hindering the development of a profitable venture. In addition to content,

organizational communication must overcome the barriers of interpretation by the receiver. Hall

(as cited by Guffey & Loewy, 2015) grouped countries by their contextual behaviors ranging

from low-high to identify preferred communication tendencies. Countries like Switzerland,

Germany, and the US are considered low-context desiring logical, analytical, and action-oriented

approach versus high-context countries like Asia, Africa, and South America preferring intuitive

communication and formulation of interpersonal relationships (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). ). If the

sender represents a low-context culture, it is important to actively listen to express tolerance and
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 9

determine compromise in the preservation of the relationship (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). Viewing

differences as an opportunity lead to the innovation of effective organizational strategies.

Intercultural Communication and Diversity

The leveraging of organizational diversity to accelerate intercultural competency

transforms your company into a global benchmark providing a roadmap for success. Diversity is

identified by ethnicity, culture, and race, but extends to include the diversity of thought,

education, and skills that foster innovation of ideas that take on the form of products and services

(Gauss & Jessamy, 2007). McDonald’s Corporation is an international success with over 36,000

locations in over 100 countries (McDonald’s, 2017). The formula for success at McDonald’s is

seen through their actions. Women and minority accounted for 80 percent of their workforce and

supported for promotion through their Leadership At McDonald’s Program (LAMP) that

identifies potential executives with diverse backgrounds (Brown & Mack, 2011). Like

McDonald’s, successful organizations “respect individuals on both sides of the counter” (Brown

& Mack, 2011, p. 93, para. 1). The ethical culture of respect allows the organization to

constantly improve by learning from every experience to grow. Improving diversity is considered

a journey vital to gaining market share, building revenues, to improve the bottom line (Brown &

Mack, 2011). Benchmark caliber companies support diversity as part of the organizational

strategic plan from the board of governance down to the frontline employee (Gauss & Jessamy,

2007). Diversity is represented in the decision-making process which improves innovation.

Prospective candidates also receive mentoring and training support as part of the succession

planning process (Gauss & Jessamy, 2007). The vested interest in diversity is supported in the

ethical codes and strategic plan (Jurkiewicz, 2012). Diversity is viewed as an essential

component of organizational identity.

MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 10

Importance of Writing in Business Communication

To effectively communicate, an organization must consider the complexity of the

audience and content, to clearly convey the intended message. The majority of successful

companies have an ethical and multiethnic culture requiring greater sensitivity to delivery and

interpretation of messages. A misunderstood or improperly used word could be disastrous for an

organization (Turaga, 2016). In the 1960s, Pepsi slogan for their global marketing strategy was

“Come Alive with Pepsi” (para. 9) which translated in Chinese as Pepsi would bring back their

dead ancestors (Grandinetti, 2013). The incident displays the importance of utilizing the 3-x-3

writing process in all forms of written communication to ensure the product is first prewritten for

content, drafted to ensure the proper research and organization requirements, and revised to

identify errors, review, and edit prior to communicating (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). This writing

process serves as best practice to supporting the message you desire for the intended audience.

On May 7, 2012, Pepsi launched the international marketing campaign “Live for Now” (para. 7)

identifying the brand as youthful, exciting, and associated with entertainment and internationally

beloved iconic figures like Michael Jackson (Grandietti, 2013). The product and strategy of this

international campaign took nine months to launch to ensure “intense consumer research carried

out across a variety of markets” (para. 3). The positive results of the 2012 campaign demonstrate

the analysis and research invested in creating a final product that meets an anticipated goal.

[How can it be said that the campaign was positive? Tell your readers more about how the

campaign turned out.] Pepsi, like other successful organizations must remain teachable by

learning from mistakes and implementing the appropriate tools like the 3-x-3 writing process to

effectively communicate messages and maximize opportunities.

Communication Flow and the 3-x-3 Writing Process

MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 11

Understanding the communication flow complements the writing process giving form to

approach, content, research and final product. The communication flow starts with a sender’s

desire to share an idea, keeping in mind the characteristic of the receiver, to properly deliver a

message understood as intended (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). The 3-x-3 writing process is required

in all forms of written communication and provides three distinguishing components in the

development of quality written messages. These three main stages are prewriting (analyze,

anticipate, adapt), drafting (research organize, draft), and revising (edit, proofread, evaluate)

considering the complexity of problem, audience and purpose (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). The

writing process begins with critical thinking and preparation. In the prewriting stage, you are

“analyzing the audience and your purpose for writing” which leads to “anticipation” of their

reactions and “adapting your message” to gain approval (Guffey & Loewy, 2015, p. 127). The

second stage of an effective writing process is drafting, inclusive of “researching information” to

gain the right content in order to focus on “organizing your message” to begin the “drafting”

process (Guffey & Loewy, 2015, p. 128). The final stage of revising, allows for “editing the

message for clarity, conciseness, tone, and readability” which leads to “proofreading” to review

structure, grammar, and spelling that transitions the process to the final stage of “evaluating” to

ensure it meets the goal (Guffey & Loewy, 2015, p. 128). A well-written, polished message is

ineffective if it does not accomplish the set purpose. Pepsi learned from their poor preparation in

the 1960s when the Chinese reacted to the “Come Alive” marketing campaign and properly

prepared for their 2012 “Live for Now” strategy.

Electronic Messages and Digital Media

The digital age revolutionized business communications by creating an interactive

environment that shatters the physical barrier of distance. The communication tools and
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 12

platforms enable a cost effective strategy for sharing information and high frequency of

messages at a greater speed (Guffey & Loewy, 2015). If leveraged appropriately, electronic

messages and digital media, enhances the media richness of communication with the receiver.

The media richness theory evaluates all mediums of communication with “face-to-face” and

“telephone” being the richest form of communication because of the opportunity to provide

helpful cues and offer instant feedback to the receiver (Guffey & Loewy, 2015, p.20). By

utilizing the features such as texting, instant messaging (IM), and live chats, an organization can

quickly offer feedback to written communication both internally and externally increasing the

richness of the interaction. Worldwide team collaboration and interaction are also accessible

through web and video conferencing, wikis, Google docs and other platforms (Guffey & Loewy,

2015). The organizational benefits of electronic messaging and digital media provides a global

expansion for marketing strategies, gaining new ideas, maximizing resources, and possibly

gaining new clients. Ultimately, the digital age crated tools to “help increase revenue, boost

customer engagement, attract new business, and even improve the effectiveness of traditional

marketing vehicles, all without costing a lot of money (Knudson, 2015, p. 44, para. 1). Electronic

messages and digital media are vital pieces to an effective communication strategy. Success

organizations are intentional about their digital media strategy and provide a “mix of regularly

scheduled posts interspersed with timely news and commentary” (Knudson, 2015, p. 44, para. 4).

Starbucks is a company to benchmark, incorporating digital media as integral component of the

organizational strategy.

We are a team of over 200 developing the strategy for all customer touch points in a

Starbucks store and in the digital space. This includes campaigns for our products (like a

favorite, the Pumpkin Spice Latte) or digital marketing campaigns like social media,
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 13

promotions, as well as programs like Starbucks Card, CRM, ecommerce and mobile

(Digital Ventures).Whether it’s on a mobile device or in one of our stores, we strive to

deliver genuine moments of connection with our customers while driving transactions.

(Starbucks, 2017c, para. 2-3)

Effective Use of Electronic Messages and Digital Media

Implementing best practices in all forms of communication strengthens the return of

desired results. In the case of electronic messages and digital media, it is important to

consistently implement the 3-x-3 writing process ensuring your message goal is met. The

messages transmitted should be audience focused, professional, conversational, positive,

courteous and helpful to engage and express the appropriate emotions for a given situation

(Guffey & Loewy, 2015). The societal expectations of speed and service should also be

considered when managing your platforms.

Conclusion

The commitment to grow and develop by serving others has greatly impacted the bottom

line for companies such as Microsoft, Starbucks and McDonald’s making them the benchmark of

success for their respective industries. Leveraging diversity and global access through well

researched communication strategy produces a competitive edge. The best of the best companies

make the mark by consistently learning, innovating, and serving others.

.
MAKING THE MARK: BEST OF THE BEST 14

References

Parguel, B., Benoît-Moreau, F., & Larceneux, F. (2011). How Sustainability Ratings Might Deter
'Greenwashing': A Closer Look at Ethical Corporate Communication. Journal Of Business
Ethics, 102(1), 15-28. doi:10.1007/s10551-011-0901-2

Guffey, M.E., & Loewy, D. (2015). Business communication: process and product (8th ed.).

Stamford, CT: Cengage Learning.

Stephens, K. K., & Barrett, A. K. (2016). Communicating briefly: technically. International

Journal of

Business Communication, 53(4), 398-418. doi:10.1177/2329488414525463

Turaga, R. (2016). Organizational models of effective communication. IUP Journal of Soft

Skills, 10(2),

56-65.