REJECTION THERAPY

Maurizio Calo Caligaris

Stanford University
Have You Ever Been Rejected?
Did You Enjoy Getting Rejected?
Observation:
The possibility of getting
rejected causes anxiety and
keeps people from asking for the
things they want in life.
“You miss 100% of the shots
you don’t take”
 HOW MIGHT WE...?

Help people ask more for things

they want in life?
Let’s reframe the question..
SEEK REJECTION!
You must get rejected
AT LEAST ONCE
every single day
for 30 days
If you get rejected:

You win! (in the game)

If you don’t get rejected:

You obtain something you want!
(BJ Fogg, Stanford Persuasive Technology Lab, www.behaviorgrid.org)
My Experiences
Walked in through
J-BO drive-thru
Walked in through
J-BO drive-thru
“Crashed” networking party at the
Stanford School of Business with
high-profile investors &
entrepreneurs from all over the
world
Didn’t get kicked out...
...Instead, I got an (informal) offer
for an internship in Brazil!
Other Adventures
-Asked for purchase discounts FAILED TO GET REJECTED

-Asked to switch shirts with fan of opposing team at a football

game REJECTED

-Wore flip-flops to the gym FAILED TO GET REJECTED

-Asked Domino’s delivery guy for a ride home after a party

REJECTED

-Ask stranger for back massage FAILED TO GET REJECTED

-Other NSFW rejections/rejection failures

Learning#1:
Don’t take rejection personally:
People reject the situation, not
*YOU*
Learning#2:
People are surprisingly compliant.
You’d be surprised by how much
you can get if you just ask for
things!
Getting others to
do the challenge?
Insight #1
Seeking rejection can be
very daunting!

Take baby steps:

Start out with “simple”
rejections (e.g. ask for a discount)
Insight #2
People often run out of ideas.
So, brainstorm a list of possible
rejection ideas when you’re
highly motivated at the
beginning of the challenge.
(It’s ok to get inspiration from
other people who’ve done
Rejection Therapy)
Insight #3
People won’t
participate unless
they’re sufficiently
motivated. Most of
the time, motivation
comes from the
stories that you’ll get
to tell afterwards.
Increasing Motivation:
To have an extra incentive, it
helps to maintain a blog to share
the rejection experiences or to do
the challenge with a friend.
Increasing Motivation:
What people haven’t really done
yet...is to do the challenge as
part of a class assignment.
Do it for a class
assignment!
The rejection therapy
challenge is a great fit for
classes in public speaking,
writing, psychology and self-
improvement.
Do it for a class
assignment!
PWR 2: Writing and Rhetoric

ENGR 103: Public Speaking

ME104B: Design Your Life

CS377t: Behavior Design

Making Progress
I reached out to professors in
public speaking classes at
Stanford to suggest the rejection
therapy for students to practice
their communication skills. They
seemed very excited about it and
will start doing it beginning in
Winter 2013!
Doing rejection therapy as part of
class assignment gives extra
motivation since you’ll report back
exciting stories to the class and is
a great excuse to not seem
“creepy” when asking strangers
for favors.
An anecdote
I asked a stranger in Tressider for
a back massage. Initially, she
seemed a little “creeped out” by
it, but after I explained that I was
doing this for a research project,
she changed her attitude. She
loved the idea of seeking
rejection, and gave me the back
massage!
“There is no failure in
rejection therapy; the only
failure is not trying. Doing it
for a class gave me a nice
safety net so strangers don’t
feel creeped out by it.”
-ME 104B student
I challenge YOU to do it!
 maurizio@cs.stanford.edu

I’m Maurizio Calo Caligaris

and I’m an aspiring
entrepreneur / CS masters
student at Stanford. I’m
interested in behavior design,
Thanks!
life design, self-improvement
& using technology to
transform people’s lives.