Chapter 3

SURIA alias ATOM

(Born in 1951, Thailand)

Atom is how she is fondly known in the village.

She lives with her husband and a son. Atom
works on her land and her rubber plantation
almost single-handedly. She shares the house-
hold chores and the care of their son with her
husband. On top of all this, she still finds time
to give medical care and treatment to comrades
who are ill.

“They were really good to us. They explained many things to us. They
taught us the history of Malaya, why they wanted to fight this war. They
assured us that they were not interested in attacking Thailand. They just
wanted to liberate Malaya. My father knew that my husband and I were
going to join the guerrillas. He let me go because he knew the enemy was
coming for us.”

Young and Poor

My family has been poor ever since I was young (begins to cry…); my
father hardly had anything, no property. There were seven brothers and
sisters altogether, including me. I am the youngest. My brothers left home
to look for work and I was left at home to be with my father. I went to
school when I was seven years old but stopped when I turned eight
because we had no money to pay for my education.
We lived in a place called Ba-ho in Thailand, near the border of
Malaysia. I worked at home, doing the household chores, like cooking,
washing laundry, etc. for my father. I learnt how to do all these at a very
young age. Whatever my father asked me to do, I would do. I also helped
my father to clear the forest to grow rice. We also planted rubber trees.
Life was bearable but we could not sell the things we grew because we
lived deep inside the forest. There was no one to sell to. I was with my
father from a very young age. I did not do anything else.
36 Women in the Malayan Anti-Colonial Struggle

My father was not good to my mother. He was very fierce; he always

beat my mother up. I was still young then. He would beat her so badly
that she got fevers but we had no money to take her to a doctor or buy
medicine. In the end, that was how she died. I was seven years old when
I lost my mother.
My father was also not good to me. If it were not for my sister who
saved me, I would not be here today. I don’t know why I was always
crying. Perhaps, my father got irritated with me; he beat me nearly
everyday. My mother was not around anymore; she would have been a
loving mother if she had still been there. I really loved my mother. My
mother was a gentle woman. She never beat her children. She would only
tell us if we did something wrong.
My father used to beat me so badly I would get bruises all over my
body. I did not know anything, still young; you see… it was always my
sister who rescued me from his violence. She would snatch me away from
him. She would bring me out of the house and we would wait until he
cooled down and was no longer angry before we returned home but he
would revert to violence after two or three days.
My father did not drink. My father was the village elder (fu ye ban in
Thai). I don’t know why he was so fierce; he was like this to all his
children. He beat us for anything. We were all scared of him. But we
had no choice. He was our father.

Marriage as a Young Girl

I got married when I was 14 years old; my husband was 25 years old.
Life changed after marriage. My father no longer beat me. I left him…
we were still together but not under the same roof. We lived in the
same kampong.1 Although my father stopped beating me, my husband
started to beat me instead. It was just as bad. My husband was not good
to me either.
I had a baby not long after getting married when I was only 14 or 15
years old. I was still young and there was no mother around to teach me.
The child died within one year because I did not know how to care for
it. If my mother had still been around, it would have been different.
My husband was not good to me either. I just had to put up with the
situation, but I can also be fierce. There were times when I could not
take it anymore. My husband sometimes kicked me but I did not give in

1 Malay for village.

Suria alias Atom 37

easily. I would also fight him. We had fistfights… we fought until bin
lin ban lang (sound of falling pots and pans), I did not care! There were
times when he threatened to kill me. I told him: “If you kill me, you will
also die. You bully a woman, a woman on her own.” He threatened me
with a knife.
He should not have done this. We should have been able to talk to
each other if there were things that were not right. We can talk and agree
upon things together. I asked him for a divorce but he refused. He said:
“It is not that I don’t love you. I love you.” Then I asked him: “If you
love me, why do you beat me? It should not be this way.” So life was
really difficult, we were very poor. We were clearing new land and we
had no money. If we had 100 dollars, that would have been a lot of
money! My wan ge (birthday in Thai) is 2494 (i.e. year of birth according
to the Thai calendar). I was born on the 1st of January. I did not celebrate
my birthday this year though. It just passed quietly.

Joining the CPM

I only met the Communists
after I got married. They
were already active in the
village where my husband
lived. I was 19 years old
when I met them. We lived
in that kampong for two
or three years and did a lot
of work with the Commu-
nists. We built our own
home, a Malay type house,
we did everything our-
selves. My husband and I
fought as we built our
home. My father was also
staying in the same village.
There were already 40
people working and help-
ing the Party in our village
including my husband.
We knew, of course,
that it was dangerous to Atom just before she left the jungle.
38 Women in the Malayan Anti-Colonial Struggle

join the CPM but we were very poor and we were moved by their
kindness. At that time, I never thought I would join the guerrillas because
the Thai government had started to arrest people. We knew there were
some bad people among us in the village. They informed on those who
helped the Communists to buy things. At that time, the guerrillas were
very dependent on the masses2 to buy things for them.
We helped them to buy whatever they needed. In the process, some
of us were reported to the authorities and arrested. Because of the risk
of being put in prison, they asked us to consider if we would like to go
“up there” – that meant to go with them. They were going to move to a
different place and they asked us if we wanted to follow them.
At that time, we thought about our own situation; we were helping
them a lot, buying so many things for them and they were nice to us. We
didn’t actually know them that well because they were CPM and we were
Thais. I did ask them: “We are Thai people, if we join you in the guerrilla
army, what will happen to us after we get liberation?” They told me: “If
Malaya is liberated, you could go to Malaya.” But we are Thais, Thai
citizens; maybe the Malayan government will not recognise us. They said
that we would be free to choose; we would be able to return to Thailand
or go to Malaya. It would be up to us. We thought about it and decided
that it was right to join them after all. That was how we came to join the
CPM. We were so poor. At least with them, we had food and clothing,
and they also were good and kind to us.
They were really good to us. They explained many things to us. They
taught us the history of Malaya, why they wanted to fight this war. They
assured us that they were not interested in attacking Thailand. They just
wanted to liberate Malaya. My father knew that my husband and I were
going to join the guerrillas. He let me go because he knew the enemy
was coming for us.
During those times, if the enemy caught us, we would have been killed
– they would have put us inside an oil drum and burnt us alive. They
would never have let us go; we would have been executed. During those
times the enemy was cruel and hard with those caught on suspicion of
being a Communist or a Communist sympathiser; they did not care if you
were really one. Even if you were a robber, the government soldiers
would punish you the same way they did the Communists. My father
thought about the risks we were facing and told us to go.
2 Masses 群 众 is a term used frequently by the women which either refers to ordinary
people who are supportive of their cause or simply to ordinary civilians who may or
may not have been politicised.
Suria alias Atom 39

Problems with My First Husband

From my family, three of us went. There were 14 of us who went to the
mountains as a group. One of them was my friend. My husband was later
martyred.3 He was still not good to me in the army. He changed after he
had been in the army for one or two months. His ideas changed – because
it was a very hard life. As a woman, I did not feel that life in the army
was worse than living at home, since even when we were at home, we
had to work equally hard. We also had to do everything by ourselves but
for my husband, it was different. He had never had to work at home. His
family had some money and property. He could not cope with the hard-
ship; everyone in the camp could see that. Like carrying loads: I could
carry at least 30 kilos on my back. He couldn’t even carry 10 kilos! He
would carry his load halfway, leave it there and I had to carry it for him.
They (the guerrillas) saw it. That night, he scolded me; he told me
he was going to leave the army. I told him I was not leaving since I had
already decided to come up into the mountains (in other words, join
the guerrillas in the mountains). Even if I would die in the wild forest,4
even if I were to be mistreated by them, I was not going to leave. He
said: “If you will not go, I will go!” but he warned me that if he went
away, he would not leave me alone. He said: “I will have to kill you if
you refuse to leave with me!”
I had a few sleepless nights. I felt in my heart that this was not right
so I told the leader-in-charge at that time about his intentions. That night,
there was a big storm, a tree fell on him and he was killed instantly. As a
result, I was alone and, for the first time, felt happy. I finally felt free.

Learning to Read
I was taught how to read and write in Malay and Chinese in the army.
My present husband was my teacher. At that time, I could not even hold
a pen properly; so everyday he held my hand and taught me how to write.
He taught me how to write my ABCs.
3 Martyred – 牺 牲 (xi sheng). The women use this expression all the time to refer to
comrades who died in the struggle, regardless of the way in which they died. It could
have been during battles with government troops; because of accidents or simply death
due to natural causes. It is an expression of respect for their comrades who sacrificed
their lives for their common struggle. It conveys a positive sense of one’s contribution
to a worthy cause.
4 Wild forests – 山 芭 (shan ba). This refers to wilderness and forests that are either
unexplored or where the land is minimally cultivated.
40 Women in the Malayan Anti-Colonial Struggle

He is from a Chinese community in Malaysia. I studied everyday until

I became literate. I woke up at five in the morning just to study. Before
this I never went to school except for one year, during which I studied
Thai. When I went to school, I was in the Po nen, Po song (Thai for
first and second year of primary school), so I did not get much education.
I was the only one in my family who did not go to school. Because I had
to help my father with many things, there was no chance of getting an
education – and no money, but now I could read and write a little of both
Thai and Malay. When we “came down from the mountains”, the Thai
government sent a teacher to teach us the Thai language.
I studied on my own sometimes; my husband used to wake up early
to teach me. He would listen to me and correct my mistakes. I liked
studying because I did not have a chance outside the army. At least in
the army there is no need for money. I wanted to work hard, so that one
day, when Malaya had been liberated, my education would become use-
ful. Now I can read the newspaper. When we were inside the jungle some
of our Malay comrades were illiterate too. Nobody knew how to write
an obituary in Malay but I could do it. I wrote a lot of sajak (Malay for
poems) or karangan (Malay for essays).

Raising Children
I think my life in the army was very good. It was tough though. I was in
the army for 20 years, exactly 20 by the time we came down from the
mountain. My second husband was 36 when we got married. He is 67
now (laughs). We had a child together when we were still inside the
jungle. We gave her away. We did not look for her after we came down.
Now we have a boy, he goes to school here in the village. He is eleven
years old. We would have had a third child but I lost it while working in
the rubber plantation. I fell and had a miscarriage after three months.
After that, no more.
My father passed away three months after I joined the guerrillas. He
had been very ill. My older sister told me after we came out of the jungle.
My comrades did not dare tell me, they were afraid I would feel bad, so
I did not see him before he died. I asked my sister about it after I came
down. She told me that my father really missed me.
I think if I had not joined the army, I would have had a harder time
outside5 because we were poor. We had no relatives to help us; they did
5 “Outside” refers to civilian life whilst “inside” refers to life inside the army. The terms
reflect physical boundaries: the army lived inside the jungle whilst civilians lived in
the villages outside.
Suria alias Atom 41

Atom and her son.

not care about us. Once I joined the army, I began to realise the differ-
ence between the life outside and inside. Outside, we were alone and we
had to rely on ourselves, whereas in the army we helped each other. If
you did not know how to read or write, I would teach you until you learnt.
Even though life was tough in the army, it was still good.
What is tough about the army? In the wild forests and mountains, life
is not easy. The enemy used to come and we would have to move house
(Editor’s note: leave and abandon their campsite) immediately. We would
have to fight as we retreated.

Risking Death Laying Mines

In the wild forest, the rainy season was the worst. We did not belong to
a large company; we stayed in the village as part of the Civilian Troops.6
Even if it was raining, we still had to leave our jungle base to do our
mass work.7 We had to buy things like food. I usually looked after the
money for the purchases. I was with my second husband then. He let me
handle everything. If fighting broke out, I was also the one to lead my
comrades in returning fire.
6 Civilian Troops – 民 运 部 队 (min yun bu dui).
7 Mass work refers to working with the masses. It can be propaganda work, educational
work or procuring supplies from sympathisers.
42 Women in the Malayan Anti-Colonial Struggle

I also taught my comrades how to lay landmines. It is a risky job. You

have to be very careful. You had to lay the mines according to the pre-
scribed procedures and then connect the current otherwise you could kill
yourself. There was a comrade who died because he forgot where he had
laid his mines.
This did not happen to me because I could remember the various
locations. I had to make maps of these locations myself. I would still be
thinking about it even when I was in bed. It would have been fatal if I
could not remember. It was not easy. We are not talking about only one
or two mines; we had to remember 200 to 300 mines at one time but, of
course, we were not alone. We worked as a team, seven members
altogether, so we helped each other to remember. We had to be very
cautious when we reached the area, think very carefully about the exact
location of the mines. Sometimes, we still forgot one or two.
Other times, trees would fall and change the landscape. Therefore, we
had to remember the way well; if we made a mistake, it could have been
dangerous or even fatal. Once or twice, I nearly got caught myself. I
stepped right on top of the mine. Fortunately, a comrade warned me
instantly: “You are sitting on a landmine!” I quickly jumped off.
The only way to defuse a mine is to remove the current. There was
this Malay comrade, who is still alive today. We went together to lay the
mines. Then, I was dispatched elsewhere to do some other work. He was
assigned to go and check the mines, to see if they were still working or
if some had exploded, etc. Whenever there was an explosion, we had to
go and check. He went on his own. He used something in his hand to
tap around. Dun Dun Dun…. Suddenly, one exploded and he lost an eye.
We did not have a mine detector. We had to rely on ourselves, our
memory. As for myself, I laid so many mines but I did not have any
accidents. Sometimes, mistakes would happen when we were connect-
ing the current. This would cause an explosion. So, whenever we were
connecting the current, we had to hide behind a tree, just in case some-
thing happened. Accidents did occur; this was part of the job, so we were
always prepared. Sometimes, as soon as we connected the current… boom
(laughs)! Many things happened but because we laid so many through-
out the years, we became very experienced.

Life as a Barefoot Doctor

We also did medical work in the army. I did it for 20 years (laughs). My
second husband was a doctor. He taught me, and then I took over from
Suria alias Atom 43

him. Even now that we are no longer in the army, I still do some medical
work. I know how to give injections, acupuncture and so on. I know how
to use Chinese herbs collected from the heart of the forest because my
husband is very knowledgeable in this. We had many big (highly quali-
fied) doctors who studied in China and returned to the jungle to teach
us. These lessons lasted between one week and a month.
We were divided into groups of seven, to learn together. We studied
medicine for one or two days a week. We had to study hard to learn the
names of the various medicines and herbs. I still do some medical work
these days. If someone is sick in the village, they ask me to give injections
and so on. In Malay, we are called Doktor Kaki Ayam8 (laughs). The
Chinese also call us a similar thing: barefoot doctor. We referred to a
book when practicing acupuncture. We published it ourselves in the army,
my husband wrote it. It was written in Malay and Chinese since some
Chinese comrades could not read Malay.

Building a New Life

Of course, I think of my home and miss my family. I left home with only
my two bare hands. I took nothing with me. When I came out of the army
in 1989, I was prepared to fight for my inheritance in court against my
family but my husband refused to let me do it. He said, there is no need
to go and fight them. We can look after ourselves.
My brother, who lives in Pattani, is still around. His daughter is
wealthy now but I never went looking for them, neither did they visit
me here. I have not been back for many years now. My hometown is
only further up from Yala.9 What is the point of going home? I have
nothing there.
When my child was one or two years old, I did return once. I stayed
with my friend. They kept telling me………the house my father left me
is still standing there but my brother had sold it to other people. It is now
a two-storey house. Many Malay comrades living in this village would
return to their hometowns for the New Year. They were often curious why
I never did. I told them I do not have a home other than this one in the
village and my parents have both passed away.
Even though I have sisters, they are not very concerned about me.
They hardly ever ask about me or come to see me. What is the point of
8 Doktor kaki ayam literally means a doctor who has legs like a chicken and walks
everywhere to treat the sick.
9 Pattani and Yala are both provinces in South Thailand.
44 Women in the Malayan Anti-Colonial Struggle

going home? I am better off staying here. Even so, I still tried to visit
my older brothers and sisters occasionally in the past. Here, everybody
is good to me. This is my home now. I have everything here. Of course,
I still have to work very hard because I have a child to support. Here,
we help each other in times of need. If anyone is in trouble or needs to
see a doctor or has no money, people will help.
When we first set up our village here, our house was not ready yet.
As we did not have money, our house was built much later. I stayed here
with Ah Yu before our house was ready. I stayed here for a long time, in
this very room. She has helped me so much. We cannot forget these old
friends. If we have problems, lots of people will come round to help.
Now I tap rubber for our livelihood. When I am not tapping rubber, I
do other work. We have our own plantation and my husband takes care
of the village deer. My plantation is not big; I am now saving up so that
we can buy a bigger piece of land. The rubber plantation that was allotted
to us by drawing lots is located on very high and steep ground, very hard
to tap, so now I concentrate on the flatter land, which is at a lower altitude.
We do not hire anyone to help us with the land, I do it all by myself.
Sometimes, if there is not enough money, I work for other people. Our
life is OK now. There is a lot of work for me everyday, on top of taking
care of the boy. This and that… all on my own (laughs).

Fighting the Enemy

We were involved in a few skirmishes with the Thai soldiers. They came
right into the heart of the jungle to attack us. Out of self-defence, we
ambushed them. We started a gunfight with them when they got halfway
to our base. It was they who came looking for us, not us looking for them.
Once the guns started firing, all fear was lost. “Fight!” But the exchange
usually did not last long, it can’t. We would retreat.
We also fought with the PULO10 but there were not many of them. It
was more difficult to defend ourselves against the government soldiers.
The PULO members were scared of us because they were few and they
were sparsely scattered in the jungle, whilst we always travelled in
groups. Usually the government army was more afraid of land mines.
They knew that we had laid many in the jungle. Sometimes we laid the
mines near the river and when they exploded, the soldiers would fall into
the river.
10 The PULO – Pattani United Liberation Organisation – is the Muslim liberation and
independence movement founded in the South of Thailand – 波 罗 (bo luo).
Suria alias Atom 45

But the enemy also laid their own mines. Their mines killed many of
our comrades. We never attacked first; they attacked us first. Among the
Thai soldiers, there were differences too. Those in black were rough and
were ruthless when fighting us. Those in green uniforms – in Thai we
call them Da han – they were usually local Malays. They usually tried
to inform us before they entered the forest and they also told us when
they were going to leave because they were scared of us. They com-
municated with us through our underground members, among the Malay
people. We would not have been able to survive if we had not had
these connections.
If we did not want to fight them, we would decide to leave whilst they
were in the jungle. Usually, we avoided fighting them; it was not advan-
tageous to us, since we had some very old comrades with us. We had to
consider the safety and security of every member in the troop.
Sometimes the enemy came very close to us, but they never discov-
ered us. We would keep absolutely silent. We covered our traces well. I
had two or three battles, not many. We fought as a group of seven or
eight members, not many. Our leader then was a very experienced
old comrade.
The first time, I felt a little scared. I was over 20 years old and was
in the M troop. It was in the Betong area. The enemy entered our territory.
There were about 14 or 16 members in the troop but only six or seven
were dispatched to the frontline. I was one of those sent to ambush them.
Sometimes we divided ourselves into smaller teams of five people.
Usually the enemy came in groups of over one hundred so we used the
guerrilla’s tactic of small units, scattered fire. As small groups, we had
to fight large numbers of the enemy with clever tactics, not easy. We
played hide-and-seek with them, there was no other way. That was our
strategy and tactic.
After my first battle, my confidence increased because I had fired my
guns at the enemy and nothing had happened to me, so I was no longer
scared. I was never wounded because we practiced and drilled everyday
how to fight the enemy. I belonged to the frontline troops.11 That meant
that whenever the enemy was near, we were the first to go and fight
them. Usually I was the only woman in the team (laughs).
It was not difficult to fight alongside the male comrades but sometimes,
when it rained, it became difficult since we had to stay in the ambush
position, we could not move around. We had to stay there, very tough.
11 Frontline troop – 战 斗 队 (zhan dou dui) which can also mean the combat troop.
46 Women in the Malayan Anti-Colonial Struggle

Sometimes we went back with fever after that because of the rain. The
enemy usually attacked us during the rainy season and during the New
Year. These were tough times for us, so too were the Malay Festivals.

Celebrations in the Army

During our New Year, we had celebrations, everything… singing…
dancing… we made a lot of noise, kin lin kang lang, right in the middle
of the jungle, especially during the Chinese New Year. After all, it was a
Chinese army, so New Year was an important event, only once a year.
We had very good meals during this time. We bought all nice food.
Our M troop was responsible for purchasing supplies for the troop
under the command of Ah He. It was very tough for us in M troop on
such occasions. Sometimes we had to carry things at night. One person
had to carry 50 to 60 kilos. Ah! Of course, I did! It was filled so high!
All of us fully equipped and armoured, carbine rifle, bullets and every-
thing. Just the rifle and bullets alone weighed more than ten kilos! The
women amongst us were good at carrying these loads. We were strong;
some were much more capable than the male comrades.

Equal Treatment of Men and Women

I don’t think they treated men and women differently in our army. No,
there was hardly any difference. We were the same, men and women. I
did not see any men in the army bully women either. Physically, the men
may have been stronger but there were also male comrades who were
not as good as the female comrades.
I think if you compare the men and women in the army, some women
were actually more capable than the men. I don’t know how to explain…
maybe it has got to do with our spirit and our physical endurance. We
could endure greater stress and strains. We knew how to do everything.
There were men who were spoiled too, could not do this and that. In the
end, it was the women who did it. In the army, we did not look down on
the women; some women did much more than the men. In the army,
women cook, fight, hunt, plant and gather vegetables and so on – women
can do all of that. The women also knew how to saw wood. We knew
how to do everything.
The women living here now, we all did a lot of work in the jungle.
Since we came down from the mountains, look who’s tapping the rubber
in the village. Almost all of them are women; the men are too old now.
Suria alias Atom 47

The women are not afraid of danger, of working alone at night in the
plantation, because we know this village well but, of course, outside this
community, we cannot be so sure. After all, our community is different
from those outside. The people outside our community dare not do any-
thing to us, nothing bad has happened since we started to tap rubber here.
Because we were fighters before, we are used to it now. There is nothing
we are afraid of.
Those Malays outside our community, when they see us women, they
say: “Those women from the Communist Party are very capable! None
of them are afraid.” So they dare not bully us. We set out to tap rubber
from as early as 11 pm to midnight. It is better to tap the rubber at night,
the latex flows much more. The morning is hot. So you see, we are
different, life is different; the way we live is different.
If we gave birth in the army, the Party provided us with post-natal
care. The women got a higher monthly allowance. They got subsidies to
buy good, healing food to help them recover faster from the birth but the
child could not be brought up in the jungle. He or she had to be taken
out of the jungle to live with relatives. As you know, life is difficult in
the jungle, it was not safe for children if the enemy suddenly came into
the jungle to attack us. It was also not safe for adults. Usually after the
first week of birth, the children were taken out of the jungle.
It was not difficult to give birth in the jungle because we had qualified
doctors. I also delivered a baby for a comrade of mine; it was very fast.
The process was quick and smooth because we ate well. They took good
care of the mother. In just one week, the woman would have recovered
and after one month, she would be ready to carry loads. No problem. But
usually the mothers were not allowed to carry heavy loads, even after
one month. No heavy work. She would rest.
We have been through a lot; we were trained and we have proven
ourselves in battles. We encountered so many difficulties back then. We
experienced good things but also bad things. We came out of the jungle
with nothing; each person only had 1,000 Thai baht, which the Party gave
us. We had a few hundred baht as savings ourselves. All in all, we had
only 2,000–3,000 baht to start our new life with so if we did not work
hard, how could we eat? What could we eat?

Identity and Belonging

When I first came down, I lived in another village. I started to sell
groceries there. It was a predominantly Malay village. My husband is
48 Women in the Malayan Anti-Colonial Struggle

Chinese; he did not go with them to the mosque and the villagers did not
like it. I now consider myself to be half Malay, half Chinese because I
do not join my own people in the mosque either so I also do not know
how to pray. I don’t want to go either.
In the second year, the leadership asked me to return to the Peace
Village. By that time, I had my boy. The leadership kept asking us to
come back so I considered my husband’s situation. As he is Chinese and
we were living in a Malay area, it did not work well and we decided to
move here. Now we are no longer worried, we feel comfortable here.
Because we are from the army, our thinking is different from the
Malays who are not from our community. We were educated in the ideas
of Marx. His teachings are very different from Islam but local Malays
are much more concerned about religion and they take it more seriously
than us. They are much stricter about praying to God. They follow their
own customs strictly but with me… (laughs)… no such thing already, lah.
That is why my own comrades consider me half Chinese, half Malay. This
is also how I see myself. Times have changed.

Life as a Thai Member of the CPM

I joined the CPM because they kept telling me that the Party was good.
I did not understand much about what they were fighting for then. I did
not know what exactly was good about them. After I joined the army, I
learned that there are also Malays in Malaya just like where I was
born in Thailand. They told me that the part of Thailand where I was
born previously belonged to Malaysia, it belonged originally to the
Malays. I thought that once Malaya was liberated by the Party that I
could also choose to live there. I thought it could be a good idea to live
in Malaya too.
They told me that the Communist Party was good because it helped
poor people. We were poor people too. Even though I was not from Malaya,
I could still join the CPM for the common, universal value of freedom
(bebas in Malay). If I joined the guerrillas, I could become a member of
the CPM. So, in the future, if Malaya is liberated by the CPM, I can also
go and live in Malaya. Until now, I have not been to Malaysia though.
I have been a Party member for 20 years already, you know. My
ideas remain the same today. My loyalty has not changed; I am still part
of the Party. Whatever I do, I am guided by the Party. Now that we have
come down, we remain loyal to the Party; we cannot just ignore our
glorious past.
Suria alias Atom 49

Settling Down in the Village

I could actually choose not to live here with my comrades. I could go
back to my hometown. Thailand is very free; I could live wherever I
wanted, but I think about the fact that I belong to the Party. Living here
is comfortable and good. No worries, no problem. The outside world is
far more complicated.
As Thai locals, I know the realities of the world outside here. I think
of how good the Party has been to us. Even after we came down, it was
still good to us. Even though now we have to stand on our own two feet
economically and we have to work for our own livelihood, it is still better
to live here.
It was not difficult to adjust to our new life after we came down but
there are many places we do not recognise now in Thailand; maybe we
have been away for too long. There are many unfamiliar places now.
Initially, we needed people to guide us around. In just over twenty years…
everything changed. Even the way home, I cannot really remember it.