Brittany Sill

SCED 510
Summer 2016

Conclusion Paper

I will be focusing on my legal family’s history, dynamics, structure, traditions, and how I

have been nourished by them even though we have had some challenges. Growing up in a small,

supportive, close-knit family has had a huge impact on the dynamics and structure of other

relationships in my life. My immediate family does not fit into our literature definition of family,

that is: parents and children who are biologically related by blood and common ancestry. My

sister and I are not biologically related to our parents or each other. We were both adopted

through an orphanage in Kolkata, India. My immediate family includes me, my older sister

Jessika, my father Art, and my mother Linda. I strongly believe knowing my legal family’s

history gives me a better understanding and appreciation of what I have received and the

struggles that individuals may face throughout different stages of their life.

My father’s parents, Edith and Raymond, met in Seattle, Washington, and married on

June 28, 1945. After two years of marriage Edith gave birth to Judi on February 19, 1947. Two

years later my father was born on June 29th. He attended the University of Washington, and after

12 years, graduated with a BA in Graphic Design. Throughout his college experience he

simultaneously worked and traveled. He has always made family, friends, learning, photography

and exploring new places a priority in his life. These priorities carried through to marriage and

children; positively influencing my life.

My mother and her twin brother Michael were born in Bellingham, Washington on July

6, 1951 to Abbie and Ed following their marriage on June 22, 1950. My mom lived in

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Bellingham through middle school. She attended high school in Blaine, Washington; a small

town north of Bellingham. Soon after graduating high school, she moved from Blaine to the “big

city” of Seattle to attend business school. Family expectation for my mother were to find a

husband and not to focus on a career or education. The prospect of independence, finding a job,

and leaving a conservative environment was her motivation for moving to Seattle. Her parent’s

conservative social views led my mother to see the importance of independence, education and

financial security.

My parents met while working at Seattle Public Schools’ computer center. My father

worked during the dayshift as a graphic artist. My mother worked second shift as a data entry

operator while attending school during the day. One night my father called in to the center asking

for a phone number. My mother happened to answered his phone call and over the course of

their conversation, one thing lead to another and they begin talking about my mother’s travel

plans. My father had heard a rumor that my mother was planning to quit her job to fulfill her goal

of travel; first stop, California. He then shared his plan of quitting soon to travel to Mexico to

shoot photographs. I have been told that the next phase in their relationship has been debated for

the past forty plus years. According to my father, my mother pursued him and invited him to

travel along. From my mother’s point of view, she invited him to hangout if there travel paths

happened to cross. Shortly after they became friends, started dating and then traveled together

throughout the United. They were married at the Smith Tower in Seattle on December 13, 1975.

After four and a half years of marriage my parents decided they had love to spare and

wanted to start a family. They both had strong feelings about adoption and felt there were plenty

of children all over the world who need families: adoption was the only route that was

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considered. Ironically, later in life, my mother found out that she had physical issues that would

have prevented her from having biological children. My parents learned about the adoption

process through close friends of my fathers, who had recently adopted a daughter from India.

The entire process took a year and a half. In order to be considered as adoptive parents,

they were studied by a social worker. Originally my parent’s had no preference for a country of

origin but both agreed that they wanted a daughter. Once their decision had been made to

become adoptive parents, they chose to go with the least expensive, adoption at the time cost

around $18,000, and quickest route. Working with an adoption agency, they were placed on a

waiting list for a daughter from Korea. As they were waiting, the Korean government instituted

an additional restriction on adoptive parents from America, due to the countries high divorce

rate. Families were required to be married for at least five years prior to adoption to help

minimize stress and trauma to the child. My parents would have had to wait an additional six

months, to meet this requirement, if they wanted to proceed with adopting their daughter from

Korea. Adopting a child from India was their next country of choice and did not have the same

restrictions.

We were each flown to Seattle’s SeaTac Airport at seven weeks of age. My sister,

Jessika, was adopted in 1981. I arrived four years later. My sister has always acted as a third

parent because of our age difference. I have always resented this. It was hard to be a friend and

sister to someone who was always telling me what to do; acting like a boss.

My parents decided that it was more valuable to have one parent stay at home then to

have the additional income from both parents working full time. My father had a freelance

business with flexible hours and an unsteady source of income. My mother provided a steady

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income working part-time for a company that provide full benefits for the entire family. My

sister and I were under the impression that our father did not work since his freelance business

was run out of our house. My relationship with my fiancé mirrors my parents in regards to

financial stability. He is an estate planner with a solo practice and his financial contributions can

be unreliable at times. I currently work for a school district and provide a steady income and

have full benefits.

My sister and I looked at our mother, as the “man of the house” growing up. She was the

one who left the house for work and was consistent with her role as disciplinarian. When my

mom said “no”, we listened. My father was seen as more of a friend then a parent even though

there were times when he would need to discipline us. Since he came across more often as a

playmate than parent, we struggled with knowing which role he was fulfilling. This resulted in

my sister and I pushing boundaries and inconsistent outcomes for punishment from our father.

Neither one of my parents believed in corporal discipline. Their authoritative approach to

discipline was “supportive rather than punitive”, they were “willing to listen when we failed to

meet their expectations”. My dad’s parenting approach mirrored how he was raised. My mother

saw the negative impact of being raised using the authoritarian approach. It was easy for my

parents to agree on which approach to use and consistently use this approach when dealing with

situations when they arose. From my upbringing I can see how aspects of this approach would be

useful when counseling my future students.

When it comes to traditions in my family we hold a strong belief that extended family

should be together for holidays. Birthdays were celebrated with a children’s party and a separate

extended family celebration. This way my sister and I could celebrate these milestones the way

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we wanted; with our friends at a “kid friendly” location while still including the extended family

in a celebration at home.

While my family has many positive dynamics we also had some challenges along the

way. One of the biggest challenges I experienced with my family was being uprooted several

times as a child. Another challenge was society’s confusion with my parents having children

who look different than them. Lastly, based on my parents nontraditional parenting style, my

parents struggled working as a team. My mom was seen as the “bad guy” and my dad was the

“easy going good guy”. On the other hand, I was able to experience open communication with

my extended and interpersonal family members. I benefited from a parenting style where I was

able to interact on an equal level with adults. These unique experiences in my life will help me

interact with, have empathy for, and support my future students.