4/16/2018 Gifted Challenges: What your gifted child won't learn from academics

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"Beyond intellect: Exploring the social and emotional aspects of giftedness."

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Thursday, March 1, 2018

What your gifted child won't learn from

academics
What does your gifted child need to learn? Perspectives about
giftedness from a Clinical
Psychologist, advocate,
Certainly, gifted students bene t from a challenging education - the basics o ered in
consultant, and parent. For
most classrooms, but tailored to their unique intellectual needs. Engaging extra-
more information about
curriculars that ignite passion and creativity are an added bonus, along with the self- Dr. Post, and about
regulation skills frequently overlooked in gifted children's education. therapy and educational
consultation/coaching
services, see the About
pages.

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But what about "non-cognitive skills," sometimes referred to as "character" traits?
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In "Why character can't be taught like the Pythagorean Theorem," author Paul Tough
describes how teachers' attempts to instill "non-cognitive" skills, such as curiosity, "grit," Contact Form
self-control, and conscientiousness through traditional means often fail.
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"...the teaching paradigm might be the wrong one to use when it comes to
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helping young people develop noncognitive strengths. Maybe you can't teach
character the way you teach math.
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Rather than consider noncognitive capacities as skills to be taught, I came to
conclude, it's more accurate and useful to look at them as products of a child's
environment."

Gifted children bene t from the same social-emotional, and non-cognitive skills as every Send

other child. However, their heightened sensitivities, asynchrony, frequent outlier social
status, and tendency to question everything complicate this task. They will sco at rules
or values that do not make sense, hide their insecurities, and may be hampered by their
own tendencies toward overthinking, rigidity or existential depression.

While Tough suggests how schools can embed non-cognitive skills throughout the
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educational culture, parents need not (and should not) rely on schools for this to occur.
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Most of these skills can be taught at home. As a parent, you can o er the following Blog Archive

guidance:
▼ 2018 (8)
► April (1)

1. Tolerance ▼ March (2)

No, it's not time to ditch
Gifted children are often compassionate toward those less fortunate. However, they the gifted label
may become impatient and frustrated when their peers cannot keep up with their What your gifted child
lightening fast pace of learning. Young gifted children, in particular, may behave in an won't learn from
academics
intolerant and critical manner toward their peers. "Why don't you get it?" "Why are you
so slow?" ► February (2)
► January (3)
Your child will bene t from lessons about patience and tolerance starting from an
early age. These include strategies for managing frustration, such as deep breathing ► 2017 (24)
exercises, attending to the present moment (e.g., mindfulness), imagining herself in her
► 2016 (23)
friend's situation, or even counting to ten. Praise your child when you notice her
behaving in a tolerant and patient manner, so she knows how much you value this ► 2015 (25)
behavior. ► 2014 (31)
► 2013 (28)

2. Humility
Disclaimer: Please note that
written material in this blog
Most gifted children are humble about their abilities, and may even doubt themselves.
is for informational purposes
But with all of the praise they receive for their accomplishments and abilities, some can only. It is not a substitute for
start to think that they might be "better" than others. Of course, this attitude often meeting directly with a
back res later when they can't keep up, or lack the resilience to manage failure psychologist, school
experiences, or feel like impostors. But initially, young gifted children may feel pride that psychologist or counselor. If
their talents surpass those of their peers. you or your child would
bene t from an evaluation or
Continue to remind your child that he is fortunate to have a quick mind, talent, and counseling, please seek
creativity, but is no more responsible for possessing these strengths than the color of his professional services within
eyes. How he directs his energy and behavior is what is under his control. Explain your local community.
what it means to be gifted, and help your child put giftedness into
perspective. Intellectual humility not only fosters a greater openness to others' opinions,
but can relieve self-imposed pressure to be the best. Instead of focusing on his innate
talents, show recognition for his hard work, self-directed behavior, intellectual or
creative risk-taking, compassion and tolerance for others, and collaborative work with
peers.

3. Endurance 

While some gifted students are driven, hard-working, and even perfectionistic, others
are underachievers who coast through school or sometimes drop out. Since their needs
are frequently overlooked in schools, they often learn to excel academically without
much e ort. As a result, they work well below their potential and have little
experience with sustained e ort and endurance. Once they are faced with a task that
requires extended e ort, whether academic, athletic or in the arts, many collapse under
the weight of this expectation and give up.

Recently, many schools have embraced the concept of "grit" in an attempt to motivate
students. But Angela Duckworth, who launched this concept, has noted the
misappropriation and distortion of the term. She has stressed that grit combines both
perseverance and passion; however, most schools only focus on perseverance -
making grit synonymous with drudgery. Furthermore, meta-analytic research suggests
that grit has little e ect on improving performance. Perhaps this nding stems from
studies of programs that focused exclusively on perseverance and ignored the
importance of passion..

You can help your child learn to pace herself, set short-term goals along the way,
appreciate
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the value of hard work, and raise the bar on what she expects for
herself. But enduring, persevering and hanging in for the long haul require a level of
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passion and dedication, and discovering meaning in the task. The more you encourage
your child to nd intrinsic joy in learning, the more likely this passion will drive future
e orts.

4. Social interactions

While some gifted children are socially mature and even excel as leaders, others
struggle with asynchronous development that manifests as social
immaturity. These children often are aware of their de cits, and may avoid social
interactions, become shy and withdrawn, or develop rigid beliefs about whom to pursue
as friends. O ering support and speci c guidance to younger children may help them
feel more con dent, and improve their social skills. Gently pointing out behaviors that
might be o ensive is important, but praise them for their strengths and any
improvements, as well.

Gifted teens also struggle. Some may try to t in by "dumbing themselves down." Others
wear their di erences as a badge of honor and refuse to conform. Either way, they
must learn to accept their giftedness and how they di er from many of their
peers. They may feel like outliers, and may be atypical, but hiding and denying their
uniqueness will feel inauthentic. Eventually, they will learn to assert who they are, even if
this goes against prevailing norms. When they are open to your guidance, o er support
and encouragement to help them weather these di cult years.

5. Managing boredom

Most students feel bored in school at some point. But gifted children feel bored a
lot. Some parents try to address this dilemma by advocating for changes at school,
nding  extra-curricular activities to engage their child's passions, or even choosing to
homeschool. However, your child still bene ts from strategies to manage his overly
active mind. There will be times when he will feel bored, regardless of how stimulating
the learning environment - and relying on his phone for entertainment should not be the
fall-back solution. Encourage him to use his imagination, creativity, and ideas to engage
his mind. Help him come up with a range of entertaining strategies, such as devising
stories, songwriting, imagining what he might paint or build, or identifying what problem
he plans to solve.

6. Conscientiousness

While some gifted children are driven, focused, and even perfectionistic,  others
may be careless and disorganized. They can sustain tremendous focus if they are
passionate about their interests, but exert little e ort for what seems boring or trivial to
them. As a result, many start to fail or at the very least, receive low grades in subjects
that do not capture their interest.

Gifted teens who are idealistic, concerned with justice, and sometime self-righteous in
their passion for sociopolitical change also may show disdain for social amenities, and
refuse to behave in a socially appropriate or considerate manner. They may refrain from
basic gestures of social kindness such as greetings and "thank you's," claiming these
require acquiescence to false or super cial expectations of which they want no part.

Conscientiousness is a skill/trait that may need to be nurtured in some gifted

teens who eschew the concept. Appealing to their logic, and pointing out how it will
bene t their progress, facilitate achieving their goals or even help them advance their
social justice agenda, may provide a rationale that motivates them. Similar to
Duckworth's concept of grit, conscientiousness is one of the Big Five personality traits
most highly associated with success in academics and career. Fostering this skill will help
yourS HA
child
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succeed, but she must rst "buy in" to the belief that it is a valuable at all.

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7. Con dence

Many gifted children are insecure. They doubt their abilities, feel like impostors, or
experience guilt when they realize how they grasp concepts so much more easily
than their friends. Those who have struggled to t in or who have been bullied may
feel socially anxious and retreat from activities with peers. Some become clinically
depressed and anxious.

Popular con dence-building concepts have focused on resilience and academic risk-
taking. Gifted children also bene t from reminders that they are so much more than
their abilities and giftedness, that it is okay to fail, and that they will be loved regardless
of their accomplishments. Identifying the underlying reasons for their low self-
esteem and gently challenging assumptions that are perpetuating this can be
helpful. Encouraging independence and self-su ciency as much as possible is also
important. Help your child recognize his "inner compass" - a sense of strength, intuition
and self-awareness to help him navigate a variety of challenges.

Of course, all of the above skills can be - and must be - reinforced and nurtured through
the schools and other interactive opportunities, as well, including extra-curricular
activities, camps, team sports, volunteer groups, or clubs. These skills will not ourish in
isolation and require interaction with peers and reinforcement from in uential, caring
adults. And school is an ideal setting for your child to try out and hone these skills every
day. But as a parent, you set the foundation, share your values, and provide the support
and encouragement your child needs. You know her best, and can o er the guidance
she needs for the road ahead.

This blog is part of Hoagie's Gifted Education Page blog hop on Beyond Academics. To
read more blogs, click on: 
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/blog_hop_beyond_academics.htm

Posted by Gail Post, Ph.D.

2 comments:
Jessie March 4, 2018 at 5:29 PM
This is a great list of areas that gifted kids need to work on. I particularly identi ed with the
social interaction struggle, which is foundational to so much of the rest, because as you
note, extracurricular activities are such an important place to develop these skills! But I was
too busy trying to hide from people who I thought didn't get me, and at times blatantly
refusing to conform, in ways I now regret. I wish I had some good advice on how to t in
with the other kids, but that still eludes me; nding gifted friends is still the only thing I can
think of for such kids.

The conscientiousness segment also resonated with me, as I'm now a social activist, but
some of my fellow activists sometimes -- despite obviously being very bright -- just don't
know how not to alienate people. A line about catching ies with honey rather than vinegar
comes
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future.

Reply

Replies

Gail Post, Ph.D. March 5, 2018 at 12:36 PM

Jessie, Thanks for your helpful comments. You highlight many of the experiences
gifted people go through and the wisdom you acquired along the way. Much
appreciated.

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Dr. Post is a Clinical Psychologist, with over 30 years of experience. In addition to her work as a psychotherapist, she
continues to advocate for the gifted by o ering consultations/coaching (in person or via phone or skype) to gifted adults,
parents of gifted children, teaching professionals, mental health professionals, and parent advocacy groups. To nd out
more, please see information about coaching and workshops for schools.

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