HD 489 1P Reflections on Life Experience

Portfolio

By: TONYA CARLINE

Instructor: Castellanos, M.A.
Fall 2016
 Table of Contents

Section 1:
1. Student Learning Outcomes
2. Personal Statement/Introduction (Who am I?)
3. Decision Letter
4. CLE Waiver
5. Resume (current)

Section 2:
1. HD 484 A Developmental Theory
2. HD 484 B Developmental Analysis
3. Artifacts

Section 3:
1. HD 485 A Diversity Theory
2. HD 485 B Diversity Theory Analysis
3. Artifacts

Section 4:
1. HD 486 A Fieldwork
2. HD 486 B Implementation
3. Artifacts

Section 5:
1. HD 487 A Research Design
2. HD 487 Research Data Collection and Analysis
3. Artifacts

Section 6:
1. Four peer Feedback forms
2. Faculty feedback form for the presentations

Section 7:
1. Final documentation of CLE
 BA Student Learning Outcomes

I. Personal Reflection
The learning outcomes in this area include the ability to translate into written form an
examination of their life experience and observations, demonstrating their ability to reflect
upon these experiences/observations in terms of how they affected their development.

II. Theory Construction

The learning outcomes in this area include the ability to conceptualize and communicate their
learning from life experience in writing in the form of a clear and concise paper,
demonstrating their ability to construct their own theory of human development from these
reflections.

III. Theory Analysis

The learning outcomes in this area include the ability to reflect upon and critically analyze
personally constructed experiential theory apply it to their personal life and professional
work, demonstrating their ability to integrate human development insights into a deeper
understanding of others.

IV. Implementation
The learning outcomes in this area include the ability to reflect upon, critically analyze and
construct theory from professional and volunteer work in field of human development,
demonstrating their ability to integrate learning into philosophical beliefs.

V. Communication
The learning outcomes in this area include the ability to compile and present a portfolio that
integrates their experiential insights into a deeper understanding of Human Development,
demonstrating their ability to extend personal understanding to knowledge of others.

VI. Research
The learning outcomes in this area include the ability to connect research to human
development, demonstrating an ability to connect personal experience with a topic of
research, design a research project, analyze data, and develop theory.

VII. Diversity
The learning outcomes in this area include the ability to reflect upon their life experience in
order to gain insights into the ways societal attitudes toward gender, class, race/ethnicity,
disability and sexual orientation affect human development.
 Personal Statement

My name is Tonya Carline, the reason that I chose Human Development as a major is

connected to a journey that I have been on for much of my life. The journey that I am speaking

of is a life of advocacy. I discovered a passion within myself for wanting to see people prosper

and be well. I have witnessed cultural injustice in the communities where I lived, and systematic

oppression of students, in the schools that I attended. From all that, I witnessed and sometimes

fell victim too- I had to decide; to be consumed with bitterness, or “be the change that I wanted

to see” which became my mantra.

I hit the ground running. I found a platform within PTA, School District’s Board seats,

School Site Council, and other areas that support students academically, and motivate parents to

be an active part of their child’s education. I work in collaboration with Community Partnerships

that assist families in Child Abuse Prevention, Parenting Support Techniques, and much more.

One day, I was having a conversation with an old Child and Family Education Instructor that

I really admired, she is 75 years old now and still going strong in her field. I was showing her a

Portfolio that I kept over the years, and I wanted her to know that I had taken her advice, and

gone into the community and started sharing methods of child development that she remembered

me being passionate about. It was then that my old instructor told me about a program in a

college called “Pacific Oaks.” She gave me the information to contact the school, and she said

these words- “Call them and tell them your story, it’s time for you to finish your education

quickly, even greater doors will open for you.”

That is how I found Pacific Oaks. I embrace, and encompass all that it stands for, and I look

forward to completing my B.A. here and continuing to share my life through advocacy.
[Tonya Carline
[661)468-6969] [tcarline4u@gmail.com]
[1018 Langhorn St.] [Lancaster, CA. 93535]

Professional [Citizens' Oversight Committee with the Lancaster School District, Superintendent
Profile Advisory Committee Member LANCSD, Antelope Valley Union High School District
Parent Advisor. Non-Profit Community Liaison, and Mentor.
 [Skilled at linking organizations with the people they serve.]
 Working with School Districts to build connections between the Home, School,
and Community.]
 [Administrative Support of School Board members.]
 [Providing support to help bridge Achievement Gaps.]
 [Linking the Community to resources that are available to them, and providing
them with time and support to walk them through any administrative process
they may not understand.]
 Strengths are: Cultural Unity Strategies, Positive Leadership and identifying
areas of need.

Professional [Community Relations and Education Advocacy]

Accomplishments  [Over 5 years helping to Align School- wide systems and practices, Four years
as a Pre- Kindergarten Early Child Development Teacher, and over 4 years as a
Community Liaison in the City of Lancaster.]
 [UCLA Professional Development Certificate for completing THE CALIFORNIA
READING AND LITERATURE PROJECT for "The African American Student
Achievement Professional Learning Community" ]
 [High Desert Alliance of Black School Educators, Guest Panel Speaker.]
 [Introducing the English Learner Project System to Discovery Elementary
School Parents called, SED DE Saber.]
 [Education Advocacy Achievements]
 [The Lancaster School District, Golden Apple Award]
 [Mentoring Program Award, Eastside High school]
 [Certificate of Appreciation for Serving on School Site Council 2009-2015.]
 Written letters of recommendations and gratitude for serving on Executive
Committee Boards for the Lancaster School District from 2010-2015.]
Work History 7/2016 to Current.

[AVPH] Antelope Valley Partners For Health], 44226 10th St. West Lancaster 93534

9/2015 to 2/2016

[Teacher-School age/Pre-Kindergarten] [Knowledge Universe], [43536 22 nd West

Lancaster, CA 93536

4/2013 to 8/2014

[Para Educator - Substitute]. [Lancaster School District] Lancaster, California 93534

[8/2013 to 6/2014]

[Consultant] [LAUP], 888 S. Figeroa Street, Suite 800 Los Angeles, California 90017

[8/2011 to 5/2012]

[Mentor] Eastside High School, Non-Profit], [3200 East Ave. J-8 Lancaster. California
93535]

[8/2006 to 6/2008]
[Pre- K Teacher], [ Kindercare Learning Center], [444400 Foxton Ave. Lancaster,
California 93535]

[3/2004 to 4/2006]
[Child Care Provider/Director], [Carline Family Daycare], [1018 Langhorn st. Lancaster,
California 93535]

[8/2001 to 6/2003]
[Pre- Kindergarten Teacher], [Garr Child care and Learning Institute], 5101 S. Western
Ave. Los Angeles, California 90062

[2/1998 to 4/1999]
[Instructional Aide], [Florence Crittenton High School Juvenile Facility], [234 E. Ave 33
Los Angeles, California 90031]
Education 09/2016-Present

Pacific Oaks College- Pasadena, California]

Bachelor of Arts in Human Development, With a Specialization in Early Childhood

Education (Projected Graduation date 2017).

09/2002-2015

Antelope Valley College- Lancaster, California]

Associate of Arts in Early Child and Family Education

Section 2
HD 484 A Developmental Theory
 This paper will take you on a journey of two of my personal life experiences. I will write

about a childhood, and adolescence experience that are both connected to feelings of acceptance

and belonging. I will examine how these completely different situations affected my emotional

development, not only in my childhood, but has continued to manifest itself through my

adolescence as well. I will develop a theory for each experience and explore how those

experiences have shaped the person I am today.

When I was three years old my mother’s body was failing due to High Blood Pressure,

and her battle with Thyroid Disease, and found that she would be hospitalized for a very long

time after her thyroid surgery. She decided to contact my Godmother who is her first cousin to

see if she would be able to keep me: my Godmother was pleased to because she had babysat for

me times before.

After mom’s surgery and hospital stay had come to an end, my mother discussed me

staying a little longer with my Godmother until she could get her health and strength back, and

obtain more stability- since she lost her job while she was sick and had to succumb to welfare for

income; it was proving to be very challenging for her.

Seeing my mother off and on, I remember feeling confused as to what was happening, all

I knew is that there was this complete lack of stability that made me extremely fussy, difficult,

and uncooperative, which probably made it quite difficult for my mom with all that she was

facing. All I wanted to do was belong and to be comfortable. After a short time of the back and

forth with mom trying to stay connected to me as best as she could; my Godmother determined

that maybe it was best to leave me for a while until things were more stable with mom. That little

while turned into 5 years and in that time, I remember becoming a very happy little girl. I had
cousins, a grandma figure, mom-like person who I became very close to after so many years and

had embraced her as my own mom.

In the beginning of my stay with my Godmother I remember feeling confused and guilty

that I was beginning to allow myself to be so content, in a new place with a woman that was not

my mother. I don’t ever remember my mother doing anything but loving and kissing my sister

and I so we were not unloved, or ever harmed- but I remember things like, seeing my mom

crying when she thought she was alone, she worried all the time. Seeing her struggling

financially and not feeling well all at the same time, I could imagine that makes it hard for a

mom to convey a message of joy in her conduct. I can remember times when I was with my

mother; I always had this sort of tense feeling that at any given time something was going to go

bad for us.

The days that I was with my mother I was always so agitated, so much- that it began to

physically make my hands itch so bad that I would scratch the skin off them. I think that I loved

her so much that I began to partake in her worry and struggles. I don’t believe that my biological

mom ever let me go because she wanted to; but as a young child moving into a different home

where there was stability, peace, comfort, and seeing my Godmother caring for me consistently-

I adapted very quickly to this living arrangement. I was finally starting to feel like a little girl

without trouble, I was allowing myself to trust, and hope without reservation.

One summer: it was a summer that I will never forget, I was 8years old playing outside

with my cousins- my mother pulled into the driveway of my Godmother’s home, she was with

her boyfriend, and my sister was in the car; she had come to take me back with her. I remember

her trying to give me a hug, and me so desperately wanting to embrace her but not knowing if I

should. I can still hear my cousin yelling, “She is coming to take you!” everything went so fast. I
remember shaking and feeling nervous and scared like I was supposed to hide. Also present was

this feeling of missing my mother a little, and how I felt like I should be running and falling into

her arms. There was crying, yelling...my cousins were not making things any better by saying

things that somehow validated my fears and anxieties at that moment.

My Godmother was yelling at my mother, “She just got all new clothes, she’s supposed

to start school soon, why are you coming back now suddenly?” My mother was yelling,

“Because she’s my baby!” I wanted everyone to just stop talking and look down at me for just

one second, if they did they would see that I was consumed emotionally by all that was taking

place. I wanted them both to stop and hug me together and be happy, to talk and find a way for

us all to live together. I remember asking my mother if she and my sister could just stay with us.

The next moment my mother was putting me in the car. My Godmother had told her, “If she

wanted to take me; she was not sending any of my clothes that she had recently bought.” I didn’t

take anything with me except the little blue short set that I was wearing that had a sailboat in

front of the shirt. In one moment, my world was turned upside down.

From this experience: I learned that a child who is loved, nurtured, and cared for

consistently, will inevitably forget about unstable circumstances they once endured. I learned

that a child’s sense of acceptance and belonging may change shape mentally when there is a

dramatic shift in familiarity within their lives. I learned that a child may struggle with

acceptance and belonging when they lose sight of their identity and place in their world. I

learned that inconsistency, rejection, or even temporary abandonment from one or both parents,

can leave a child with an inability to trust, and may cause protective emotional barriers to form

within the child cognitively for survival.

 When I was 19 years old I had my first child. I had only been 19 for about two weeks

when my daughter arrived. During the time when I was developing into my transitional phase

from child to adult, I had a child myself. The fact that there would be this little person looking up

at me, depending on me to provide, and take care of her needs, came along with several different

emotions for me. On the one hand when I engaged in caring for her I felt so accepted, like when

she looked at me she knew that she was safe, then on the other hand- I felt this extreme anxiety

about the entire idea of having to develop another living person, and teach them about life, when

I myself had not experienced much of it.

My mother and step-dad together were very strict, and my whereabouts were always

accounted for through their efforts to make sure of that, so when mom starting staying at the

hospital for weeks at a time, I had a best friend who was a neighbor of mine, who made sure that

I took full advantage of this opportunity. Within this new-found freedom, I rarely went to the

hospital along with my mother, and decided to stay at home with my older sister to watch me and

my brother. My friend invited me on a double date with a guy who happened to be much older

than myself, about 10 years- from this double date we hit it off, and I fell for him quite quickly.

After spending time with him, I felt secure and safe, for some reason his maturity made me feel

valued and accepted, he provided me this sense of self-worth that I had not recognized as absent

within my personality but maybe he saw it.

In a very short time, we became pregnant with my daughter. I remember having to break

the news to my mother- I remember feeling so embarrassed, so guilty. The steps that it took for

me to walk into her room felt like an eternity. I could never imagine bringing her such news

about myself because, I was the one that had gotten good grades, could write such wonderful

poetry, was going to go to college and make her so proud. Imagine my surprise when I heard her
speak these words, “As long as you walk the stage and graduate you can still move on and be

successful.”

Mom was very supportive, even through her grief. I did go on to graduate high school

even though a little person was inside of me when I walked the stage. As my daughter grew in

her months, my daughter’s father asked me to move into his home with him so that we can be a

family and be closer together; although my mother was very skeptical about the idea of that, I

still moved out. Quite honestly, the second I stepped over the threshold of my daughter’s

father’s apartment, was one of the worst mistakes I had ever made. I was very excited about the

idea of my baby becoming old enough for me to start school up at the Community College, but

to my surprise: I became property to my then boyfriend and father of my child.

I would try to attend school, and he would park outside of the school, and if he caught me

communicating with anyone, he went into a jealous rage. I remember feeling like I wanted to run

and tell someone what was beginning to happen to me in private; but at the same time, I felt this

sense of responsibility to my daughter to make sure that she had a dad at all times no-matter what

because I understood what that type of isolation felt like. I had a dilemma that was a secret,

trapped within the confines of my moral, ethical, psychologically confused values. I felt like I

couldn’t tell anyone especially my family.

The odd thing was that for the longest time, he had never actually hit me, he just hit stuff,

and was loud, and threw things, or put his hands around my neck- he was clever enough to stay

within the realms of intimidation, instead of doing physical things that would show up as scars.

One day, I had gotten myself and my daughter dressed to go visit my best friend, and I was

attempting to walk to the door, he grabbed my daughter’s car seat, and pushed me down on the

floor. I remember trembling and grabbing my daughter and putting my entire body over her and
cuffing her under my arms. This hypothetical prison that I had someone placed myself, and my

new baby in, came from a man that I had put my trust in, felt safe and valued, and a sense of

comfort in knowing that I had him. I realized this wouldn’t ever come to end and I had to go.

Time went on, and not much in my life had progressed- I had become an expert in hiding

my feelings from my family, there was so much pain, sadness, depression, distrust, disarray, and

agony that I was experiencing within my life, and I felt like I was to blame for allowing it for so

long, I secretly blamed myself, for keeping secrets.

I remember praying each night, that God would give me the strength to move on. When

my daughter was one years old, her father and I got into a big fight about me visiting a friend's

house too long; he was unusually angry about this, I was so terrified, to the point where my body

was shaking. I felt unease in every way, he was yelling, and throwing things. I remember feeling

like a kid wanting my mom, I no longer wanted to keep this torment a secret any longer. I felt

like if I kept living this way, that he may accidently kill me, or hurt my daughter. The thought of

that sent my mind and emotions into complete immediate consciousness. No longer was I

deceived by this lie that I had been telling myself. Tania was only one years old, that was my

wake-up call.

From this experience, I learned that a young adult transitioning from childhood may find

it difficult to make the most rational parental decisions for a child, because they themselves have

not become aware of the challenges that life may bring due to a lack of life experience. I learned

that when a young adult has a lack of self-worth, they may unintentionally find their identity

through the eyes of someone else, and be misguided by what is or is not authentic relationships. I

learned that when one has an unresolved sense of acceptance and belonging, they may develop

unhealthy relationships, due to a longing or a need to have those missing emotions fulfilled.
 In conclusion, I learned through the transitions of both of my life experiences that I've

shared, that we sometimes have no control over the cards that life may deal us; but what we can

control is how we allow it to govern the remainder of our lives. I discovered that I was stronger

than I thought, and that learning to love yourself can sometimes take us on a journey to finding

personal acceptance and a sense of belonging through purpose.

HD 484 B Developmental Analysis
 The theories that I will analyze will be drawn from a childhood experience and an

adolescence experience. The focus will be on feelings of acceptance and belonging. Both

experiences that I will refer will communicate how I came to view myself as an adolescent,

through the eyes of situations that may have shaped my thinking, from childhood events.

In both experiences, I learned that life may deal you a hand of uncertainty, and with that may

come transitions that are uncomfortable, but time and our ability as human beings to adapt to

change, will bring healing and clarity.

By revisiting and exploring the feelings I had from my childhood experience, first being

separated by my biological mother at 3years old, and then at 8 years old being picked back up by

mother, taken away from a loving home with my Godmother; I learned that feeling accepted and

that you belong somewhere may take shape in different ways over time. I learned that a child

who lives in a nurturing and loving home may only feel safe and secure when it is consistent. I

learned that a child’s life can become in disarray and everything that brought them peace and

comfort can change in a moment- due to negative situations that adults create. I learned that a

child who is taken from one home to another, may experience confusion within themselves that

may leave them torn and confused about their place in the world.

Through an experience of poor judgment in my adolescent years, I learned that if we

don’t resolve hidden issues of wanting, and feeling a need to be accepted and to belong; with age

these unresolved issues will continue to manifest themselves in some form or another. I learned

that one must find ways to nurture a love of self, and find contentment within their own abilities,

or else they will always look to someone else to fulfill that identity void. I learned that it

takes positive relationships, and trust in order for healing to take place, and that any negative

outcomes regarding relationships may wake up that longing all over again.
 Within both life experiences, I was left with feelings of isolation, loneliness, and a lack of

clarity as to where I belonged, and what would happen next. In both cases I was left with the

inability to trust that I could feel secure within myself. This feeling of isolation and insecurity

always takes me back to that feeling of starting all over again, trying to fit in, waiting to discover

how to move forward, mentally stuck. I have discovered that whether I move on to another phase

of life, as a child transitioning from one home to another, or as a young adult walking away from

a negative relationship that once gave me comfort and security; these types of engagements with

other people failing me after I trust them, and learn to put down my guard and allow myself to

feel like I belong, can create a patterns of mistrust, hopelessness, abandonment, and an inability

to sustain relationships with others, in fear of losing myself in them, unconsciously making their

acceptance of me my reason to feel secure about my own identity.

Because of the confusion that I was experiencing as a child through the transition from

my Godmother’s home back to my mother’s home, I began to shut down, and I didn’t talk for a

very long time, even when I started school, I would complete all of my work but never really

spoke, if I did I would whisper- I would get permission to call home to talk to my mother but

then call my Godmother, hoping that she would say she’d come back to get me. The rejection

that I felt from her misguided sadness that became anger further closed me into myself and I felt

that I didn’t belong anywhere. This led me to struggle inwardly and not talk about my issues with

anyone, not even my mother. My Godmother not comforting me when I called made things

worse for me, as a child trying to make sense of it all.

By my adolescent years, I could form a relationship with a man and produce a child, but

these feelings of wanting his approval, and compromising so much of myself just to feel

acceptance and stability all stemmed from childhood, moving into a new place with a different
family, not wanting to disappoint, not knowing how to fit in. I entered a relationship with my

daughter’s father who was 10 years older than I was, I felt somehow that he equaled stability; he

was more mature, had himself together in areas of love and the understanding of what that

meant. I felt as though when I moved in with him, I would always feel safe and secure, and that I

would give my daughter something that I didn’t have- a father who was there in her life. I

realized after my relationship with him that these feelings of longing for that place of acceptance

and belonging had many roots, and much of it was the rejection that I received by my own father,

coupled with the traumatic childhood experience that brought so much anxiety, seclusion, and

longing.

I have understand that I have difficulty forming strong relationships, I am good and loyal

friend, but I don’t give myself much time to receive it back from others because I end

relationships while they are still in good standing. I have fears of losing control of situations; I

keep all things well, and pay close attention to the feelings of others because I feel the need to

keep a positive perspective in their minds concerning me. I don’t like starting over which keeps

me from going too far with regards to creating new friendships, due to the idea that I don’t know

how it will end. These protective patterns began to develop for me as child, when I experienced

Broken patterns of stability, that left me feeling disconnected, and withdrawn, I learned to guard

situations from ending badly, I am known for defusing negative situations- in that- I like for

things to go smoothly, I don’t do well with a lot of confusion.

After the negative experience with my daughter’s father, I was able to move on with my

life, but it wasn’t easy at first because there were still these aloof feelings, this disappointed,

discouraged sense of apprehensive discomfort that was always present whenever I consider

starting over emotionally in any way; but I moved on, found my hope in things eternal, my
spirituality, and trust in God provided me just the platform I needed to develop within myself a

means of hope. I slowly began to create within me an ability to trust that contrary to the message

playing repeatedly within my cognitive processing- I can have relationships, and friendships, and

the security in knowing that I can be a part of change for someone else who may have a void

within them.

I could meet someone and we became married, I allowed myself to open to someone else

because I had begun to gain more self-love, I was fulfilled, and encouraged in the idea that I can

someday create a stable home for my children, and never allow them to struggle with rejection,

or longing for anything. I slowly began to build trust in the idea that I can have a lasting stable

relationship, and I realized that when I met my husband. I had built up a wall that was torn down

by the very elements that created it, feelings of acceptance, and belonging were a loss for me, but

in reverse I learned that the more you give love, and reach out and form relationships, you

become stronger because you become a healer of others instead of a victim of your own mind.

There are hidden assumptions in my theory, my theory is a personal account of my

specific experiences and life encounters. It would be an assumption to think that a child would

inevitably forget about their biological mother at three years old just because she has someone

else who is taking care of her and showing her love, a child may not have transitioned so

smoothly either way. It could have been very traumatic and difficult for a three-year-old to be

dropped off by her mother no matter the improvement of circumstance or stability. There are

many children who are taken from their parents, who become products of a foster system, and

end up with very good foster parents that are kind, and provide a nice environment, but they may

have a biological parent come back to get them, and they transition well and become
incorporated back into their home without any psychological difficulty or processing issues.

Their experiences are personal to their own lives and situations.

While analyzing my personal life theories I did not communicate any specific

information such as culture, types of religion, information about my father as to why he was not

present, why many dads are missing in homes today; socioeconomic status, educational level of

my mother or any other dynamics that may have affected my childhood. A child who is taken

without communication from the home environment they know- to another, could be a product

of a parent’s socioeconomic status, that parent could struggle so much financially that the

children are affected; their home life is in jeopardy all of the time, so the parent gives their

children up for a better life. A child who has a father that was absent could grow up and try to

compensate the longing for acceptance through sometimes negative relationships. In general, all

the personal theories that I have discussed, may apply to others.

My theories could be more inclusive by considering the other child my mother had at the

time, interviewing her as to how she was affected when our mother was sick and struggling, who

she stayed with and what life was like for her. I could also obtain a more detailed perspective as

to how some adults may feel that have been in a foster home they really liked, only to be sent

back to their biological parent’s home that did not compare by contrast, how they adjusted.

My developmental theories are a vivid reflection of the memories that I hold that are a

reminder of how I came to be the person I am today; they have helped me to become the wife,

mother, advocate, and mentor that I am today. I realize that my life experiences have shaped me

and taken me on a journey that has led me to my purpose. By writing, reflecting, and analyzing

the experiences of my life, I can positively reflect on my past to continue to grow in my future.

There are theories that can be applied to my story and others, and some that may not. My
theories are specific to my life and my experiences. For my theories to serve a broader audience,

I would have to do more research on foster care, percentage of fathers absent in the home, and

family dynamics.
HD 484 Artifacts
The Butterfly has always inspired me through many phases of
my life. I always embraced the idea of this beautiful insect as a
metaphor that even though we may start of as a small caterpillar,
something beautiful is waiting inside of us as we transition. This
artifact has always inspired me to remember that.
This artifact, carved from wood and glossed: was given to me by
my mother, it belonged to my Aunt Helen who had it for over 25
years. My mother would always tell me to slow down before
making choices and wait to hear the will of God. Since I had my
first daughter at age 19, I learned to slow down and think before
making any major life decisions, this plaque reminds me of that.
This artifact always takes me back to the younger days when I
lived with my Godmother. We always went to church every
single Sunday. She was such a lady, she would wear her big
hat’s and lovely dresses. I will never forget the years I lived with
her.
Section 3
HD 485 Diversity Theory
Introduction

This paper will reflect on two experiences within my life. I will examine the two

experiences, one from my adolescence, and adulthood. From these experiences, I will provide an

analysis of how they have shaped my life and how I embrace Diversity. In the last section of this

paper, I will convey my theory of development as it relates to issues with ethnocentrism,

superiority complex, cognitive dissonance, and racism.

Adolescence

When I was sixteen years old my school had this college pathway field trip experience

for students who exhibited a desire to attend college; not only a desire, they had to have excellent

citizenship and a grade point average of 3.0 or higher. The field trip would be a two day two-

night event, students would be travelling to San Luis Obispo, and attending a mock day at Cuesta

College where we would wake up as if we were college students, and visit a few classes.

I remember feeling so excited, many of us students hadn’t ever really travelled outside of

Los Angeles so the idea of staying in a cabin, doing some of the wonderful activities that our

school had spoken of was like a dream. I remember like it was yesterday the anticipation I felt

the night we were to leave; although, it was coupled with a little fear because I hadn’t ever spent

the night away from home. Finally, the day arrived and we were all preparing to board the bus,

the four staff members that came along with us gave us a brief overview of conduct while on the

bus, but reassured us that they knew we were a good group of students and that we’d really enjoy

the experience. Upon arriving, we were met at the curb of the camp facility by four staff

members that would essentially serve as our guides throughout the visit. I remembered seeing

movies where all of the kids would arrive at the campsite and there would be these happy camp
counselors there to greet them at the bus to welcome them and make them feel excited about all

that they would experience; let’s just say we received the opposite of that.

The staff members at first impression where not smiling very much, in fact there was this

blank stare and silence for at least 30 minutes while we took our things off the bus.

Many of the students just brushed it off as just a moment in our trip and were prepared for the

best time. One couldn’t help but notice that the entire staff was Caucasian American and seemed

very unenthusiastic about this entirely African American body of campers from Los Angeles.

Our trip was met with negativity throughout each moment. We were good students, regular

teenagers engaging in the idea of a new experience, but were seemingly judged, the moment we

stepped out of the bus.

The camp supervisor on our first day gave us a speech, about the use of the game room

and facilities, except it wasn’t just an overview it seemed more like persecution. I remember us

all being told, “They didn’t want to hear any negative cursing language, none of the facility was

to be written on or destroyed.” This angered our staff that came along with us, because we could

see it on their faces. I felt like we were stereotyped as these kids from the hood, coming to the

camp to cause malice and destroy the place. I felt like I was in a courtroom being wrongly

accused of a crime without even being given a trial, I felt confused, I couldn’t figure out why

they were not commending us for being students who were succeeding in their academics and

aspiring for higher learning, I felt discouraged.

I tried to ignore the cold, unjustified demeanor of the staff, I tried being nice, saying

please and thank you, as well as the other students. We were obedient to the rules, inquisitive

about what we would be learning; but each time it was met with avoidance, and disregard. I felt

like someone just ripped my heart out and stepped on it; here we were supposed to be treated like
honor students, and teenagers with goals and dreams, but were met with ethnocentric

perspectives and racism, we were met with stereotypes about us before the staff even had a

chance to get to know us. The next day the camp counselors called a meeting because many of

the students were complaining about ill treatment from staff, I remember feeling such

overwhelming anxiety about the entire process.

When the camp counselors called a few people in the office who had voiced their

feelings, I decided I had to go in with them. I didn’t know it, but it would be the day that I found

my voice. I remember speaking up on behalf of all the students; because they were yelling out

their feelings in great confusion, and I could see that it was somewhat validating the negative

racial perspectives that the staff already had. I felt empowered at that very moment to speak up.

I calmly expressed to the staff the things that they didn’t know about us, hoping to offer a new

perspective. I remember using a metaphor of a book to describe LA, and telling them that they

wouldn’t know what was in the pages unless they opened it up, explored it and read the story. I

remember seeing tears in the eyes of the Camp Counselors as they examined themselves, and

their own actions toward us students, I saw as they listened to my words and began to discover

how they should have approached us. I felt liberated by the non-verbal manifestations of hope

displayed from the eyes of the staff, I felt like a leader of peace, I felt forgiveness, understanding,

and kindness within my heart for the staff.

The remainder of our trip was like something magic came over the entire staff, we played

games with them, laughed, enjoyed the campsite. We visited Pismo Beach, the Butterfly Patch,

and so much more. Our relationship with the camp staff had changed completely, and all was

well... until we went to visit some shops in the town. Needless-to- say we stood out like a sore

thumb, and were met with more stares, store workers following us around the store, and even
though the adult group leaders split us up into smaller groups, one store employee told us that

only two of us could come in at a time, even though there were five Caucasian teenage girls in

the store by themselves with no adults.

I felt so confused, cheated because in my mind we had changed the world back at camp;

the progress that we made with our camp counselors, and staff. I felt rejected from this society of

people in the little town, devalued, putdown, unheard, and unseen; why were the people outside

of our camp walls still so mean, and cold towards us I asked myself. After we left town we

chose to continue to enjoy ourselves. I learned a lot that day, and the lessons that it taught me has

been sketched in my mind for a very long time.

I learned that when an adolescent feels rejected by an adult because of a stereotype that

they may have against them, that adolescent feels rejected and devalued. I learned that when a

staff overseeing an adolescent has a cultural bias, ethnocentrism, or prejudice within their belief

systems, that adolescent feels unheard, unseen, cheated and confused about their identity in the

world. I learned that when an adolescent speaks up for the rights of other students dealing with

negative aspects of diversity, that adolescent becomes empowered to advocate for others.

Adulthood

When my oldest daughter was in the 3rd grade, we bought our first home, and moved

into a city that was very new to us, my husband and I were apprehensive about the change in

location because the school ratings were not high, but neither were housing prices there so it was

settled. The school that she had come from was in an upper middle class area, had excellent

parent involvement, and high academic expectations of the children. When we found a school in

our new city, I was elated to meet my daughter’s new teacher because she made it a point to

appear very open to communication, cordial, and supportive, things I was all too familiar with
receiving. Some time passed and I had been told almost every week how advanced my daughter

was, and how she finished work so fast that the teacher was running out of things to give her to

do. Imagine my surprise when report cards came out and the marks that she had given to my

daughter, per the translation on the back of the report card, “at risk of retention.”

I was not worried at all about bringing this discovery to the teacher because I knew that

she must have provided me someone else’s marks by mistake. Oddly enough when I spoke to her

she instantly became a different person, she told me that “maybe I don’t understand how report

cards worked, there must always be room left for improvement.” We didn’t agree at all; she

became more agitated as I spoke to her finally saying “Well if you have a problem maybe you

should speak to the principle.” I felt betrayed, tricked, uncomfortable, and confused. I couldn’t

figure out what changed in this once enthusiastic, seemingly supportive educator.

I attempted to reach the principal and to my dismay, I was told by her secretary, even

after emailing, leaving messages for one week, that she was unable to see me due to other

meetings. According to the school handbook what was next in the chain of command was the

District office. I remember feeling like a stranger in an unknown desert land, I felt trapped,

anxious, bewildered, afraid for my daughter because whatever this was that I was experiencing,

it couldn’t be new to this city. I was able to get a meeting with the principal the next day after I

left the School District office.

I remember requesting that the teacher be present at this meeting, and for her to bring her

grade book and I would bring work collected from my daughter’s time in her class. The day of

the meeting the principal and I waited for one hour talking and getting to know one another, the

teacher finally arrived and when she came in she said these words I will never forget, “I’m late

because I have a life, and family, and I don’t see why I have to go through this nonsense when
her daughter needs to improve herself.” At that moment, I felt angry inside, discrimination at its

ugliest, I felt shocked, and broken hearted for her. In that moment, I calmly decided to not meet

her negativity with a negative response, so I calmly asked her did she bring her gradebook, as I

have brought my daughter’s work that’s been returned to me? Her response was “no I did not”

and she said she had an appointment and she had to go. The report card was later changed

reflected my daughter’s proper status.

Theory

I learned that when an adult experiences racism for the first time it is met with feelings of

despair, and discomfort. I learned that when a parent feels something unjust has taken place

towards their child, it can cause one to feel unhealthy levels of anger and frustration. I learned

that abuse of authority hidden behind racists view and perspectives can feel like something

impossible to prove. I learned that when an adult feels ignored and underestimated, they may

become strong advocates for others.

In conclusion, I learned that there are areas within some educators that require more

training in areas of diversity, they must come to an understanding of empowering all children to

be the best that they can be, and to develop a platform for all students to succeed, without bias,

confusion or negativity. I discovered a dissonance when it comes to addressing the topic of

racism or bias, that must come to an end. We all need each other and must communicate our true

feelings so that hope and real change can emerge from that.
HD 485 B Diversity Analysis
 The theories that I will further explore as well as analyze are from an adolescent and an

adult experience. The focus will be on feelings of racism and being devalued and rejected. Both

experiences that I will refer to are different in the sense that one of the experiences of racism was

hidden, the other experience the message was openly conveyed. Both experiences were similar

because of personality patterns that were developed from them. In both experience’s, I learned

that many people will encounter racism at some point in their lives.

By revisiting and exploring the feelings that I had from my adolescent experience, I

learned that feelings of rejection can manifest itself in many forms taking on negative

characteristics within that adolescent’s development. I learned that when an adolescent feels

rejected by an adult because of a stereotype that they may have against them, that adolescent

feels rejected and devalued. I learned that when a staff overseeing an adolescent has a cultural

bias, ethnocentrism, or prejudice within their belief systems, that adolescent feels unheard,

unseen, cheated and confused about their identity in the world. I learned that when an adolescent

speaks up for the rights of other students dealing with negative aspects of diversity, that

adolescent becomes empowered to advocate for others.

I learned that when an adult experiences racism for the first time it is met with feelings of

despair, and discomfort. I learned that when an adult feels something is unjust has taken place

towards their child, it can cause that adult to feel unhealthy levels of anger and frustration. I

learned that abuse of authority hidden behind racist perspectives can feel like something

impossible to prove causing that adult to feel lost and confused. I learned that when an adult feels

ignored and underestimated, that adult may utilize those feelings to become a strong advocate for

others.
 Both life experiences left me feeling disparities between myself and Caucasian people

that I had never experienced before. In both cases I was left with feelings of untrust, prejudgment

of people in order to protect myself from feeling devalued by anyone, the experiences created a

protective barrier from racism. Patterns of reverse racism emerged and an inability to make

connections with other diversities based on the assumption of their negative views of my

ethnicity became an unhealthy trend.

Because of the negative experiences with racism It manifest itself within me as feelings

of despair, and discomfort. These feelings began to create unhealthy levels of anger and

frustration. Because of abused authority hidden behind racist perspectives I began to feel lost and

confused. I felt that my feelings of injustice would always be ignored and underestimated, so

characteristics of reverse racism began to emerge. I spent a lot of time avoiding interactions with

people who appeared to have ethnocentric views, I prejudged individuals based out of fear an

avoidance.

I have since learned that through negative diversity experiences a person can build on

positive patterns within themselves and choose to embrace those pattern instead of anger such as

hope, individuality, kindness, integrity, I learned that if I can meet people with these behaviors

patterns, having a positive character and perspective, healing can take place.

After living through the two experiences that I have explored through negative

interactions with diversity; I have been able to rebuild on my natural ability to connect with

others, I have found ways to use patience as an opportunity to hear and see people a little closer,

past their racism, past ethnocentrism, past their negative views, and just focus on solutions, and

forgiveness.
 I believe that my personal theories can speak for others as it has for me; but because each

person experiences things differently, my theories are only based on my life experiences. I have

spoken to many African American people that have been targets of racism in one form or

another, either indirectly or directly, and many of them carry levels of mistrust for Caucasian

people that may be the educators of their children, or even their boss, due to negative experiences

with diversity that have misshaped their perspective’s. Through hearing the various stories from

parents in the schools my children attend, or people in the community dealing with racial

disparities, there seems to be a commonality between the stories they tell: feeling unwanted,

manipulated, cheated, and the common denominator in most cases were a person not embracing

diversity in a manner that doesn’t discriminate or devalue an individual.

There are absolutely-hidden assumptions in my theory. My theory is from personal

accounts of my life, it only reflects on my personal and specific experiences and life. It would be

an assumption to think that all Caucasian teachers will be racist toward African American

children, or that an individual will become angry and bitter about a negative experience with

diversity in their adolescence and become judgmental and mistrusting of an entire race of people

from it.

While there are Caucasian teachers who struggle with acceptance of other cultures that may look,

speak, and behave different than what they grew up seeing, there may be very many of them who

has rejected the idea of seeing difference as a problem; there may be many Caucasian Americans

that embrace diversity and want to discover more about working and living with other people.

While analyzing my personal theories, I did not address any specifics such as

socioeconomic status, gender, or family dynamics. Negativity that comes from racism can come

from a socioeconomic bias against a culture of people and cause feelings of ethnocentrism or
ideas of stereotypes as a fact rather than an opinion, one may form assumptions about a race of

people due to their financial status. There may be factors of judgment against an individual that

comes from a home with a single mom instead of a home with both parents-this could be a factor

in the causes of racism that I didn’t address. There are specifics such as socioeconomic status

and family dynamics that have become the reason for much divide throughout cultures, there are

these assumptions that exists that a person who lives in poor areas don’t take care of their

children, or put clean clothes on them, or are uneducated. These assumptions can be a factor in

racism that could have been communicated in my theory.

My theories could also be more inclusive, the information that I discussed was more from

a one -sided perspective, I could have interviewed other cultures, talked to more Caucasians and

received their ideas about diversity, and how they feel. My developmental theories are a

reminder of the experiences that I have personally had with diversity, they reflect my feelings,

and how I have grown and processed my emotions about what has happened in my life, they are

specific to me.

In conclusion, the experiences that I have had with racism has shaped me into a person of

kindness and strength, I decided not to allow someone else’s judgement of me to shape the way

that I treat them. I have been able to meet people from the same ethnicity and culture that were

racist towards me in the past and found that they were kind, accepting, and full of love and

integrity, and that has brought healing and hope- enough hope to allow me to seek out the good

in people and to not prejudge them, letting go of fears and assumptions about others in this

diverse world.
HD 485 Artifacts
This is a photograph of the late Rosa Parks. It hangs on a wall in my bedroom. This artifact
reminds me that, it only takes one- to create change for many.
 This is a photo of myself, and the few classmates of mine that went on the College Pathway’s
field trip in San Luis Obispo, that I talked about in my Diversity Theory. We were invited to City
Hall on a second field trip not long after we returned. There where we met Yvonne Brathwaite
Burke, the first African-American woman to represent the west coast in congress. That’s her, the
fourth person across on the bottom row. The16 year old me is standing to the right of the fifth
boy at the top row- in the African head wrap, and jacket. This picture is such a significant artifact
to me because, these students (if you can tell us apart from the adults), and myself, experienced
so much while attending that field trip, a lesson in Diversity that I’ll never forget. Returning, and
then having an opportunity to meet this powerful black woman; along with me speaking up for
others on our trip, ignited a spirit of advocacy within me that still motivates me even today.
This is a picture of my daughter, (3rd girl across from the boy in the plaid shirt, top row)- when
she was 7yrs. Old. This is an important artifact because, this was the class that she wound up in
with a new teacher; after the negative experience with the teacher that I wrote about in my
diversity experience. Things became very strange after she was made to revise my daughter’s
report card, so I found it best to switch her class. It was for the better- Mr. Donovan was
excellent!
These camels, are artifacts that remind me of the journey. These are few from a larger collection.
Camels remind me of the strength, and the endurance that it takes- to make it through life’s
journey, even when you get tired, and feel like giving up.
Section 4
HD 486 A Fieldwork
 Introduction

This reflection will focus on two key fieldwork experiences in my life. I will examine the

experiences from my work as a Pre-Kindergarten teacher in my early career, and a PTA

President mid-career when I began educational advocacy. I will examine in depth, my

professional work and the effects of these experiences on my developmental process, as it deals

with feelings of liberation, leadership, identity, and gratefulness. I will conclude with a

developmental theory for each of the life reflections.

Pre-Kindergarten Teacher

When I was 22 years old, I was hired in my first Early Child Development position as a

Pre-Kindergarten teacher, at a Child Care and Learning Institute. I felt very excited about this

opportunity because I was still working on my degree in Early Child and Family Education; but

had completed enough courses to obtain a Certification in Early Child Development Teacher. I

was ready to discover the minds of children while continuing in my education. I remember

feeling so excited, happy, and hopeful of my future. I was grateful to be given an opportunity to

see the manifestation of the theories that I had been learning in my course- come to life through

the children.

The entire administrative team was dynamic! There appeared to be an atmosphere of

team-work as this was part of the philosophy of the program. I felt hopeful, optimistic, and

prepared for the journey. I soon found the reason I acquired my own classroom of Pre-

Kindergarten children was because the teacher that was scheduled for the class had a personal

family crisis, and had decided she would not be able to start the new school year.
 It was the beginning of the school year, and the center had just received a very great

number of four-year-old children into the program, so they needed help immediately, and I was

elated to be the one to take on this wonderful experience, the Director seemed excited as well.

Several months had passed, and by this time I had developed a routine with the children. I had

gotten to know the children as well as their parents. I was gifted in communication and had

developed parent support strategies for my classroom that truly connected the parents with one

another, and engaged them in ways that I was told, “didn’t usually happen.”

The facility was located in an area where a very large number of our parents were low

income utilizing subsidized programs to fund their children’s Child Care. Somehow it was

assumed that the parent attitudes were to just drop off the children and pick them up. I had

listened to staff communicate this during our personal time, and had offered an optimistic

approach to reaching out to our parents-but to my surprise, this was good news to the director-

but a few of the staff members didn’t like this at all; they felt that “they already did enough and

the parents didn’t care anyway.” I rejected that idea and decided to use our classroom as a model

of what not only “team- work” among staff could accomplish, but also teaming up with the

parents, and all stakeholders involved as well.

I felt a stir up of leadership emerging within me, I wanted to see what happened when

strategies were utilized to create a community for children that engaged their “home, school, and

community,” as one. I felt that this was an opportunity to do something bigger than I had ever

imagined. I felt grateful, ecstatic, encouraged and energetic, like I was ready for some fun with

teaching, learning and embracing all the diversity of parents, ideas, and inspiration.

Parents had begun volunteering often, bringing in materials for art projects, and it became

strange for staff always seeing people headed towards that classroom all the way in the back of
the school. This was an amazing thing to see, but it didn’t surprise me, because I discovered that

the more parents felt valued, and needed, the more they responded with support. Just as I had

begun coming into this new identity of myself as a Pre-K teacher, one of the younger teachers

from the middle of the facility had been moved to the classroom that was connected to mine; she

had been teaching at the center for a year and a half before I arrived. The director thought it to be

a good idea to place her Pre-k class in the back where I was because those two classes back there

were larger than the other classes, and that age group was at high enrollment.

From the moment, she arrived back there she had an agenda and it wasn’t team-work.

The more I tried to work with her, she found reason to dispute everything we accomplished in

our class, she would tell our director that the children in my class weren’t doing the handwriting

practice on their own that was hanging on display in the class; she couldn’t accept that whatever

strategy- I was utilizing to teach the kid’s handwriting, was working; even though I showed her

the process that was used. We had to share materials between the two rooms, and somehow my

classroom was always missing materials, she even asked me in front of the director one day: “if I

took the scissors and glue home by mistake because the closet was running low.” This made me

feel betrayed, angry, aggravated, and almost an inability to work under those conditions. The

efforts of this teacher never stopped; even though we had meetings with the director, had

discussed ways that our class can work together and do activities together, it was always met

with rejection by my co-worker.

I decided that I would have to continue to be the bigger person no matter what it took, I

decided I wanted to get to the root of her bitterness so that we could work together, or just agree

to disagree. One day I had a moment alone with her, the center was closed that day for staff

development, we had our meeting and went back to our classes. I remember knocking and going
into her class, I asked if I could speak to her- I told her how organized her class was, and how

well she does with her students; I remember telling her how I admired her ability to connect with

the kids, when I first arrived at the school, I asked her what it was that made her unable to work

with me?

I never expected for her to be so candid, but she explained: that “she had never been able

to get her parents to participate, and that most of her children still had trouble with their

handwriting, she told me that it seemed like I thought I had all of the answers and that I was

trying to make other staff look bad.” I felt humbled, I never stopped to think of what the other

staff may be feeling, having someone new coming in like they had all the answers. I felt

inconsiderate, and almost blind or deaf. I wondered what I had missed. I only wanted everyone

to feel important and work together for a common goal. I felt confused.

From this experience, I learned that a pre-k teacher in a new position has to be open to

the ideas of her co-workers, even if that pre-k teacher has ideas that are good. I learned that a

pre-k teacher may have ideas for a program that she works in, but that pre-k teacher must

gradually incorporate her ideas into a system that is already in place- with care and respect. I

learned that a pre-k teacher may have beliefs, and values that are not the same as her co-workers,

because people are all individuals with their own belief systems, and they may need to first feel

appreciated by what they do and the contributions they may bring to the team, and have their

positions be validated before that pre-k teacher brings ideas to the program.

PTA

A new school was opening in our city, and as a very excited and involved parent of two

girls, that would attend this great new school. I knew once the school opened, the parents could

better support their children, if someone created a platform to engage their support, so that this
new school could be successful. That summer before the first day of school, I had found out

where our Local State PTA board members met, and I began attending the meetings, so I could

learn more about PTA and how it is governed within a school. The information I discovered

literally made me feel like, we as parents had the power to create a great school. I learned that

“great schools and parent involvement were synonymous,” and that was all I needed to hear. I

felt a surge of energy and leadership. There was a great work to be done, and I couldn’t wait to

get started.

When school began for the first year, I received permission from the principal to start a

campaign for parent involvement. I told him the Local State Supervisor of the PTA was in

communication with me and that she was willing to meet with him as well as a group of willing

parents to begin the process of starting a PTA in our school. We held the campaign, and I was

allowed to speak at our first assembly along with our State PTA representative, to petition parent

support. I introduced myself as a parent and expressed how working together we could create a

great school! I felt liberated in that moment, a surge of freedom and purpose. I felt grateful,

humbled, and honored for the opportunity to reach out to other parents on such a large-scale

platform.

I was nominated the first PTA president of this new school, and from there we developed

many programs that supported both teachers and students. I had observed a growing Hispanic

population of parents, and students so because we had such a diverse group of parents, I felt that

we had to incorporate a Spanish Liaison Team. I wanted this particular component in our PTA to

reflect ways that we could further support these parents in ways they felt valued and engaged in

their children’s education. We made sure all our materials handed out were English and Spanish.

We had sessions for them to voice the concerns of difficulty in being able to support. Our PTA
board represented all of the diverse faces of our students, it was my petition, our first order of

business. This body of parents were a team of collaborators all working together for a common

goal, our children.

We valued each other, and it was that ability to see each other and work together that was

like nothing I had ever experienced. I felt grateful, inspired, upbeat, important, involved, caring

and concerned. There had been many of our Hispanic parents that were communicating how

important learning to speak English was for them, because they wanted to volunteer in the

classroom with confidence, and not feel rejected, or ashamed. I discovered that there were

barriers to parent involvement that I never thought of or considered. I began to discover that

parents wanted to support their children’s school, someone had to develop a platform for

discussion of these barriers.

Our PTA became that platform, and real change happened for many of our parents. I

networked with the Board of Early Child Development, to utilize an English learning system

called Sed De Saber in English meant “thirst for knowledge.” When I was on the board as a

treasurer, I had seen those systems being offered to parents from the Preschools, and so I went

back to the director over that program and was able to get 30 kits as a start, for our parents to

check out for 1 month at a time. These systems would assist in English language development. It

was a wonderful time. I held trainings for the parents on how to use the kits, had one of our

Spanish Liaison team members to translate for the parents, and they were on their way.

I learned that, when a group of people work together for a common purpose, that group of

people are able to be successful in accomplishing great things. When a group of people value

diversity, that group of people begin to discover compassion for one another, and support. When

a group of people communicate with one another, they can achieve more and get things done.
When a group of people have positive leadership with unbiased standards that govern them, then

that group of people take on those characteristics for each other as well.

In conclusion, I learned that working with people requires a receptive approach in- order

to have successful professional relationships, rather on a job, or volunteer fieldwork. As human

beings, we should be receptive of ideas that differ from ours, perspective’s that reflect various

cultural input. We must be open to receive what everyone brings to the table as important.
HD 486 Implementation
The theories that I will further explore and analyze in this paper are from a Pre-Kindergarten

teaching experience and a PTA field experience. Both experiences that I will reflect on are

different in a sense that one was at the start of my career, coming into the understanding of what

it means to be a team- player in the workplace; and the other, mid-career expressing developed

feelings of inclusiveness, leadership, identity, and gratefulness.

By revisiting and examining the feelings I had as a Pre- Kindergarten teacher; I learned

that a pre-k teacher in a new position must be open to the ideas of her co-workers, even if that

pre-k teacher has ideas that are good. I learned that a pre-k teacher may have ideas for a program

that she works in, but that pre-k teacher must gradually incorporate her ideas into a system that is

already in place- with care and respect. I learned that a pre-k teacher may have beliefs, and

values that are not the same as her co-workers, because people are all individuals with their own

belief systems, and they may need to first feel appreciated by what they do and the contributions

they may bring to the team, and have their positions be validated before that pre-k teacher brings

ideas to the program.

Through an experience in my PTA fieldwork, I learned that, when a group of people

work together for a common purpose, that group of people can be successful in accomplishing

great things. When a group of people value diversity, that group of people begin to discover

compassion for one another, and support. When a group of people communicate with one

another, they can achieve more and get things done. When a group of people have positive

leadership with unbiased standards that govern them, then that group of people take on those

characteristics for each other as well.

Both life experiences left me with feelings of leadership, gratefulness, and discovering

how to honor and value the people that I work with, either in the community, through advocacy,
or on a job. In my early career, I was reluctant to see past my own perspective I thought that

positive strategies like inclusiveness, shared responsibilities, and a value system that implement

support and team-work was what worked for all people. I was a new employee coming into an

already established program; but, considering a philosophy of “team-work,” I thought that my

strategies for engagement would be embraced.

This experience began to create negative and positive patterns of behavior within me.

Because of the frustrations that I was feeling in my Pre-K experience- due to some of the staff,

and especially the teacher that worked closest to me: It was becoming difficult for me to process

the idea that- by trying to build relationships between coworkers and the community of people

that we served would be rejected. This made me feel displaced, detached, disappointed, and

discouraged. I was investing time and care into work and advocacy, only to have it met with

rejection, and disapproval. I felt betrayed, unworthy, and undervalued- It caused me to inwardly

feel bitter, while outwardly keeping up a front that all was well because I didn’t want the parents

of the center, to be affected by what was happening within our workplace. I had to continue to

put on a strong face, even though I felt disappointed from within.

The negativity that began to manifest itself in our workplace was causing me to close into

myself. I had developed this world of support from the parents- it became almost this negative

pattern of me verses them, like I was in one world with my parents and students, and another

with my coworkers. I was beginning to lose myself in this confusion, this misjudgment of the

unity that I believed in and stood for. I had to come to an understanding within myself, that in-

order to work with people of various beliefs, and standards that govern their actions, I must take

personal feelings out of the picture, and become more open minded to what I was not seeing. The

experience became much more positive. I made peace with the limitations of my coworkers; and
what they were, or weren’t willing to do versus what I would do. I learned how to take my goals,

and high expectations community, and parent involvement, and channel that by continuing to

remain positive and supportive. I learned to do what I knew was right, and let others be. I

became extra supportive to what the staff had to go through, considered their perspectives, and

we all became a much stronger staff in the end. I learned that whatever positive change that we

want to see from humanity, we must first model that change to the best of our ability- until others

chose to come aboard.

By mid-career, I was older, had more experience with diverse people, perspectives, and

attitudes, so I had adopted a point of view of acceptance no matter what personality type I would

encounter. I came into community and educational fieldwork with only purpose; the building of

humanity in mind. I thought that if you go into an area of advocacy with goals that are common

to the human experience- that the response of commonality will surface a movement of peace

and clarity of vision so that we can all work together. I began to understand things about myself,

and my personality, I discovered that I didn’t have all the answers alone.

For example, I learned the value of true team-work, I was receptive to correction, and

positive feedback. I felt grateful. I felt the misconceptions I had about what is right and wrong,

were made clear to me as I began working with many cultures and communities of people, who

opened their life to me and shared. I learned that even goodness, and kindness, can become a

weapon if I try to force the act of the two onto someone.

It wasn’t always perfect within the fieldwork of my PTA days. I discovered that we are

all raised different, from various types of families and psychological, emotional programming-

because of that it may be easier for one person to be open to parents, and community efforts, but

someone else may not be good speakers, or can’t express their feelings, or may have a difficult
time relating to other adults, but can relate to children very well. There were parents that never

wanted to come aboard what we were trying to accomplish, they would try to make things very

difficult for all the people that did want to volunteer. Many parents wanted certain positions on

the board, feeling like they could do a better job; yet never attended the meetings, they would

only send their complaints through other parents that were PTA members, maybe they didn’t feel

confident. There were complaints that were causing our supportive principal to second guess

every effort that the parents, and board member would try to put forward.

The negativity that continued to try to stop the parent efforts within the new school- had

begun to create negative patterns of behavior for me. I was beginning to lose my focus, I was

starting to feel like the weight that was only coming from a small number of parents represented

all the parents and this was stagnating my ability to stay engaged in the purpose of what we were

all doing, it was challenging my leadership. I had to gain a new perspective in order to move

forward without feelings of inadequacy, rejection, hopelessness, those are the patterned

responses that kept emerging; because there was a backlash to every positive thing we

accomplished.

As we continued to move forward and grow together as the first parent board, and first

parent involvement group within the new school, I learned that there would always be either a

visible, or invisible rejection to anything that is good or positive because someone will always

feel that they can do it better. As I worked with all the diverse parents, students, and faculty; we

began to embrace all of the programs that were designed to support our school, and offer support

wherever needed. The large number of parents that had surfaced to pull together to do the

unimaginable, did it! The experience became very positive overall, I developed a new clarity of
community, and purpose, I learned what identity truly meant within humanity, I learned that

identity was the image or footprints that one leaves after sharing your life with others.

I believe that my theories speak well for others, as they did for me. Through hearing the

experiences of people that have had challenges with other staff while teaching, or volunteer

experiences with their children’s schools, that may have had difficulty in areas of leadership or

coming into their identity as a first-time teacher or community advocate. It’s evident that there

will always be this constant when it comes to disagreements within the human experience.

Whenever a large group of diverse people work together there will always be some sort of

challenge due to perspectives, or belief systems. But my developmental theories are a vivid

reflection of the memories that I hold, that are a reminder of how I came to be the person I am

today, they have helped me to become the leader, advocate, teacher, human being that I am

today.

I believe there are some hidden assumptions that are not addressed. One could assume

that all the teachers were supportive and engaged in the goals of the PTA, or one could assume

that race may have been a factor in the parents that didn’t want to support our efforts in the PTA

because the president wasn’t the culture they wanted to follow. There were a few things not

addressed, about my Pre-K teaching experience, the gender of our boss- could have been

discussed when determining why that person was so laid back in allowing me to come into the

school as a new teacher and develop my own parent involvement program, maybe it may have

offered a different perspective to the reader if the gender or culture of the supervisor was

discussed. There are many factors that could have been addressed to communicate a more vivid

reflection.
 I feel that I could make my theory more inclusive, by including more of the male

coworkers into the discussion, we had a few male workers that worked with us, both when I was

a teacher, and a PTA President, maybe the male perspective could have been conveyed through

me as I told the story about my reflections. Too often, when discussing teaching and PTA men

are often left out of the discussion, due to a dominance of female workers in these types of fields.

Even though there may be few, they still deserve a voice within communications about work

experience. The male perspective in these reflections might appeal to that audience, and

encourage them to share their experiences with leadership in female dominated settings.

In conclusion, the experiences that I have had in fieldwork has taught me that every

human being that we come into contact with in the workplace, brings with them their own

individual agendas for success, some may consider success just having a job, not requiring any

extra input except coming to work and doing the very minimum, and other’s may be driven for

change, driven in hope and want to make every day count in a positive way; regardless of why

we do what we do, we must all respect one another, and work together, doing our very best at

what we are capable of.

HD 486 Artifacts
 This Certificate, was the first goal that I accomplished that allowed me to begin working in the
field of education. After working hard-with a child, having two jobs, and going to school in the
evenings- I had completed enough of the required Early Child Development Units to teach Pre-
Kindergarten. This artifact is so very special to me, because it represents my perseverance.
This is a picture of my first Prekindergarten class, on Cinco De Mayo. We were preparing for a
program
 This artifact is a picture of myself when I was PTA President, and one of our Spanish Liaison group
leader’s Luz- along with some of our very grateful parent members, and first recipients of an English
Learning kit called “Sed De Saber” (Thirst for Knowledge). I networked with another program to obtain
these kits for parents to check out, for 1 month at a time, in response to an overwhelming desire from
many parents to learn English- to help support their children’s education. This was our first training day,
on how to use the kits. I would teach, and Luz would translate.
 This artifact reminds me of how hard work and dedication does not go unnoticed. I was
nominated to receive the Golden Apple Award, through the Lancaster School District, by a
Principal, teachers, and staff. This honor reminded me that integrity, kindness, and hope for
others is what makes great leaders, that people respect, and trust that they can honor
Section 5
HD 487 A Research Design
 Introduction

The research question I will seek to answer is “How can a mother, continuing her

college education negatively affect her children, husband, and household?” This question relates

to my life because, I am a mother, and a wife- who is continuing her education, and have

recognized a few negative effects on my husband, children, household, and myself. The guilt,

isolation, confusion, and frustration that is associated with this life experience, was weighing

heavy on my ability to remain focused on achieving my goals. In addition to feelings of guilt and

despair-that I felt about having to take away time from my children; I also projected my stress

onto my husband, making it difficult for him to offer support, and remain hopeful in my choice

to continue my education. I developed feelings of hopelessness and was unable to find

strategies to balance it all.

I am a married mother of four, my oldest is a college student herself- she is 21, I have

another daughter who is 17yrs. old and two sons ages 10 and 8yrs. I have been on a journey to

complete my college education off and on for over 9years now. Because I had children and

married before my education was complete, it has been a difficult transition- through family

dynamics, children’s schedules, extra curricula activities, and balancing it all.

I am often ridden with guilt, when faced with the task of balancing, work during the day,

rushing to get the children after school, previewing homework, running to cook dinner, only to

prepare to run to my classes in the evening. Adding college courses to an already exhausted

workload would leave me with very little time to engage in the children’s day, or to ask my

daughter how High School has been for her- or all of those normal actions required to

communicate loving support and care.

Because of the focus that college requires, to stay on top of assignments, do reports, prepare for

exams, my children always fall short of my undivided attention. Trying to maintain a strong,

engaging marriage during all the confusion was another challenge that was an effect of me still

striving to finish college.

I had begun noticing really, clear negative effects on my children, every time I enrolled in a

new semester in college. My youngest son, who generally by personality hates getting into any

kind of trouble, had begun playing in class, making animal noises, getting his name written on

the board. I will never forget when I asked him, “why he was behaving the way he was in class?”

and he told me, “you don’t come to my school anymore.” He was so use to me always being

there to volunteer, go on field trips- all the things I had absolutely no time for anymore. My

oldest son started getting emotional about everything- in school, crying whenever his teacher

said anything to him, picking fights with his little brother at home, all reflections of little boys

trying to get attention. I felt like giving up on my college goals, like I was robbing them of their

time with me, at a time when they needed me the most, I felt constant guilt.

My high school daughter is one who lacks self-motivation, so I could always see the effects

of what me attending college is doing to her academically, and emotionally. Whenever I begin a

semester of college, her grade percentages begin to drop, she’s missing assignments,

emotionally, frustrated like she can’t focus- no time to focus on her homework.

Because my husband commutes a distance to work, he usually isn’t able to return home

until late- so my daughter is often left with the task of making sure her brothers finish their

homework, shower and eat the dinner that I prepared- this renders her no time for some of the

extra-curricular activities of her own during the semesters I have class. When I think of how
I usually have the time to help her stay on top of her assignments, monitor homework,

communicate projects, help her to complete them-then to not be able to; it makes me feel like

I’m being selfish, and unsupportive, I feel depressed, and stuck.

My husband never complains, he has always been very patient, and has waited for many

years while I continued in my goals. There were semesters when I couldn’t attend college,

because of his income being higher than allowed for Financial Aid support. When I was in Junior

College, I didn’t qualify for financial aid for a while so I couldn’t afford full-time courses, this

made it frustrating for me, I felt stagnant and stuck, because I knew that a degree would make me

more competitive and that I could make more money to help support our family. The income

that was claimed to be too high was already exhausted down to the dime- so I began to lash out

about that because I felt trapped. Trying to finish college and not being able to do so at the paste

that I needed it too, caused a ripple effect of negative emotions that I released onto my husband,

and the effects of that were difficult for him to support because he was trying hard to maintain

his role as father and husband on top of the weight of responsibilities he had as well.

The psychological imbalance of time, and all of the negative effects of me trying to finish

college- had on my family, had become so challenging that I had to take a moment away from

school. I began working on a job for a while during the hours when the children were at school

so that by evening, they all had my full attention.

I wanted to explore the effects on a family when there is a major change in their household

dynamics. I also wanted to explore how; with the demands that college courses can put on

a single student, a parent going back to school may not be able to manage the same routine or

duties at home that she once held. I will be searching for themes such as open communication,
planning- and examining how they contribute to the construction of this shift in the family

routine.

This is an important issue to address because, so many woman go through feelings of guilt,

isolation, frustration and confusion, like myself. When they make a choice to go back to school,

to enhance their career opportunities. Although going back to college can be connected to so

many positive outcomes- it still doesn’t distract from the emotional weight that making the

decision to return to school can carry.

A mother who chooses to continue her goal to finish college, may have long-term impacts,

that will eventually become a support to her family. A mother’s transformation from stay-at-

home mom, or part-time working mom, to full-time college student/part time mom; may all seem

like a transformation fraction of parental responsibility that doesn’t mathematically pan out- but

many women are living that schedule every day, and the backlash to that type of indirect parent

involvement is sometimes very negative.

By researching this topic, the hope is that it can encourage a mother to persevere, no matter

how negative the transition feels at home, it gets better. By hearing the data from the other

woman, and comparing their situations- maybe it can assist in combating some of the negative

outcomes- and foster an easier transition with shared methods.

Methodology

I think the best method for collecting relevant data for this study is by conducting an

interview with at least three women who have children, and a husband-and she is trying to finish

college, by doing a face-to-face sit down interview. I could conduct the interview by phone if

necessary, or Skype, but I feel like more engagement, and depth from the topic- may be able to

be gathered- through body language, and observing the participants; as well as verbal
communication to provide additional information into their emotional state of mind, when

discussing such a sensitive issue.

I think this will be the most appropriate method, that may inspire sort of a sisterhood,

closeness type of engagement, familiarity- so that we may be able to expand on the topic, as we

relate to one another. We can discuss contributing factors to feelings of confusion, isolation, or

depression, if they have experienced that. I can find out what methods they use to alleviate the

factors that may make the transition back to college, a negative one for mothers.

Creating a rapport, will enable me to utilize the interview method to obtain genuine data it

relates to my research question. My follow up questions will address some of the contributing

factors that apply to what my research question seeks to answer. I will be able to make

connections from the stories of the participants, due to the abundance of data that I am optimistic

about gathering- by posing the questions.

In order to collect my data, I intend to interview three mothers of children, two of which has

a combination of young children, and teens- who I am acquainted with. I will conduct the

interviews from their homes. The idea is that they don’t feel like they traveled to an interview

That places them in an uncomfortable setting which can cause them to withhold important levels

of communication. The comfort, relaxation, as-well-as privacy that goes along with a person

being in their own space, may work to my advantage in gathering meaningful and elaborate data

from the participants.

It is important for me to interview at least two mothers who have a combination of young

children as well as a high-schooler, because the combination of young and older children may

offer an entirely different dynamic to the situation-due to the variations in levels of attention the

mother must give to both categories of children. It was also important for me to interview non-
single mothers, to support my research question. In two parent families, this means the other

parent- as well as the kids will have to take on more household duties when mother adds college

to her agenda; so, obtaining information based on that perspective, better supports the questions,

and may offer insight into how that affects the family. I will pose my research question, as well

as, ask these follow-up questions:

1. What are some of the major challenges of going back to college with a family?

2. What have you had to give up in order to go back to school?

3. Is it difficult balancing family and school?

4. Do you feel a degree is worth what you have experienced since you’ve returned to

college?

5. How do you balance School and motherhood?

6. What are some methods you use to alleviate stress, when the load becomes too much?

Critical Assessment of Research Design

The most critical limitations of this study are the small number of participants that I will

engage to conduct my research, and the disadvantage of only a singular interview with each of

them. Multiple interviews with additional sub-topics-while also taking into consideration, the

socio-economic status of the participants, and how it could heavily influence their response.

Cultural differences may be a vital limitation, the participants are a diverse group, so cultural

relevance as to how much one is able to disclose may influence what they share, or what can be

expected of themselves, support systems, as well as their perspective of their experiences, and

they may avoid a clear, balanced look at this issue.

 The participants in this study are my acquaintances, so my ability to collect objective data

may be challenging, or impaired in a few ways. Because of the sensitivity and emotional topic of

engagement, my acquaintances may be a bit more reserved in how much of their information

they are willing to share. They may also choose to put up a strong front and not disclose the

negative issues they are, or have experienced-they may only focus on how they manage well, as

if to have it all together, which can decrease the efficiency of the data collected.

I will do my best to convey a message of non-judgment, supportive, and a genuine interest in

their unique stories. Avoiding expectations about what I thought the participants would share

about their experiences, and embracing the data that they are willing to share.
HD 487 B Research Data Collection
and Analysis
 My first research participant “Latesha,” was interviewed from her home, she preferred that

to get some things done immediately after the interview, as it was her only day off. Latesha has a

husband, and 3 children- two of which still live at home, they are 16 years old, and 8 years old.

Her oldest is 21, and he has his own apartment.

Latesha’s story is a little different, because she decided to return to college to finish her

Master’s Program, which was a personal goal for her in her professional growth. Her objective in

returning to school was to accomplish her goal so that she can be more competitive in her field.

Despite the fact that she has an 8 year old whom her school activities required active parent

involvement, or that she had a 16 year old, desperately acting out for her undivided attention, and

a husband whom his schedule offered no free time- she had to continue to remain steadfast on

her goals.

Latesha’s husband and children had been supportive of her when she was completing her

B.A, but this time around, she explained “Bitterness had set in.” During the interview, Latesha

spoke of how her little girl had begun crying every night in the middle of the night, and when she

would go in to ask her daughter what was wrong, her daughter would always respond: “mommy

are you going to be busy today too?” This made Latesha feel selfish, and distant from what her

daughter may have been carrying daily in her little world. Latesha explained that, “I feel like I

am an illusion of a mom, standing on the outside watching my family suffer.”

Latesha’s son who had always been an (A) student, began showing his resentment by

deliberately acting out in school, he was arriving to class late, not finishing his assignments.

Latesha had been very vocal in ensuring that he was always on top of his work, when she

Consumed by her field of study, as well as work, she lost that connection with him. She

explained how she had to petition her oldest son to begin helping her to pick up some of the
slack when her husband couldn’t- her oldest son would pick the daughter up from school, he

became a mentor to her 16-year-old, and things started getting a little better- but not without

words of bitterness from her oldest son. Latesha said that he told her once: “I know that you

taught us to accomplish our goals, but you are already successful, it seems like you are doing

more than you have to now.”

Latesha explained to me that deep down inside she felt the same way that he did, she

wondered if she was striving for something more for herself, and that she really was being

selfish. Latesha felt isolated, alone, unworthy of the success she was striving for she felt selfish.

Latesha felt so many emotional ups and down regarding her choice to continue in her college

education, she suffered from disconnections with her entire family due to the level of focus

required to complete a Master’s program, and not to mention working full-time. There seemed to

be no end to the tasks that she had to complete each day and each week. Things began to get so

challenging in her household, due to her part-time presence as a mom, and wife, that her husband

had begun complaining about debt, bills, and connecting her ability to continue in her education

to adding to the debt. Latesha had determined that she would quit. She told me: “I began to feel

like maybe everything was pointing to the fact that I had probably accomplished all that I needed

to, and that I was being unfair to my husband and children.”

Latesha had explained what happened when she told her family the news about her giving up

her pursuit to a Master’s degree, and to her surprise, they told her “please don’t do that.” Her

family reassured her that they would be okay, and that it was only going to be for a little while,

and that she should continue until she is finished. This shift in feelings was something that I

hadn’t expected her to convey to me during this interview, but it happened. It turned out that her

family sympathized with how difficult it must have been for her to come to them, thinking only
of them, and let go of what she desperately wanted to accomplish, and so they decided to

continue to do their best to support. Her youngest son, had her 8-year-old draw a picture of their

mom with a cap & gown on and a degree in her hand. Latesha continued, and now has her

Master’s Degree in Criminal Justice.

My second research participant, “Shonda” decided to go back to college to finish an

Associate Degree that she had nearly completed years ago; but had to put her goals on hold, due

to financial issues, and a greater need to work full time to help offset some of the major debt, and

expenses that her husband was carrying almost alone, due to her part-time positions.

Shonda has 14-year-old twin teenagers, a boy and girl, as well as two adult male sons, one

22 years old in college himself, and the other 25 years old, as well as a husband. She had chosen

to return to college and take evening courses for the first two semesters. In order for her to finish

her degree in a timely manner she had to take on the challenge of full time courses, as this would

pull her up to where she needed to be in order to graduate in only two semesters’. Shonda

described to me how the idea of facing this new challenge of working full-time, being a mother

of two teenagers, and being a full-time college student was like “I signed up to be part of an

experiment where they would clone me, in order to help me get things done- and the company

decided to close, and wouldn’t have one available for me.” She said “she didn’t know how she

would ever be able to balance it all.”

Issues developed-, the moment she became unavailable to her twins and husband. Shonda

explained that her family had much more of her time and attention when she only worked

because she would go in at 8:00, and get off at 5:00. When she became a full-time student, her

scheduled daily activities tripled. Now she had absolutely no time, she couldn’t attend football

for her son, or track and field for her daughter, there was no time. By the time, she returned
home from work, she had about two hours before it was time to go to class, she would cook

dinner quickly, try to sit and start some of her assignments, talk to the kids a moment, find out if

they needed help with any studies, and prepare to repeat the next day.

Shonda felt overwhelmed, unprepared, unbalanced, selfish, and discouraged. She felt as if

she may have been taking on something that was out of her league, during the interview she said:

“I felt like giving up on my education and just settling with the idea that I would always work,

and never get to where I truly wanted to go academically for myself. With all of the time that she

had to work and go to school in the evenings, there was hardly anyone at home. Her husband

worked two jobs, and by the time, one ended, the second one he had to get to around the same

time that her class in the evening started.

They didn’t have enough money to send the twins anywhere, and no family to help, so they

were forced to allow the twins to care for themselves until someone returned home. The idea of

leaving them home with no one- although they were old enough to be home, made her feel

worthless as a mom, she described feelings of “severe anxiety, I was always thinking about

them, wondering if they could truly be trusted, they were only teenagers-worried about them

being able to keep up with their school work.” Some of her fears and anxieties were validated;

the twin’s grades began falling, Shonda was hearing from the school that they were not

completing their homework, and she later found out from a “really good nosy neighbor,” that the

twins had four friends over to the house for two days in a row.

Later to resolve this issue, she found out that one of her good longtime friends, would help

to support her in her efforts to complete her education by staying at her home, preparing dinner,

and staying with the twins until her class was over in the evenings. The twin’s grades got better,

homework was turned in- and she says: “I was more connected to what was happening in my
home, even if it was through my friend, it enabled me to be more on top of things that I may

have otherwise been too busy and missed it.”

Shonda went on and completed her Associate Program and is now working on her B.A, but as

she says: “Slowly.”

My third participant, “Kanisha” her story is a little different, she only had one more semester

to complete her B.A. but had been away from college for about two years since she and her

husband had their second child. Kanisha has a 7year old, and a two-year-old. When she had her

first daughter she had already had an A.A Degree, and decided to stop for a while to work in her

field of Child Development-to get a feel for it, spend some time with her daughter and husband,

and take a break. When her oldest daughter was about five they found out they were pregnant

again, and so this prolonged the idea of starting back on her road to a B.A, just a little further.

After her new baby turned 2 years old, and finances were getting tighter, Kanisha said: “I

realized that with the degree that I held, I could only make so much money.” She wanted to be

sure that she could someday qualify for higher wages, and a comfortable financial life. That sent

her back to college to continue her goals. Kanisha explains the difficulty she had trying to

balance work, school, a husband, and two young children.

“There were times when my youngest daughter would not stay in Day-care no matter what,

severely emotional, uncompromising, my oldest daughter started withdrawing in her classroom,

the teacher said that she stopped participating as much, my husband started withdrawing we

didn’t talk as much.” Kanisha went on to describe feelings of “Anxiety, overwhelming urges to

quit, depression, fatigue, but she fought through it she says, “the entire family had go through the

storm with me in order to get to the rainbow.” Kanisha went on to complete her B.A. in Early

Child and Family Education.

 Analysis

Three of the main themes that you see manifest itself in these stories are perseverance,

support, and family relationships, which without support in those areas, none of the success that

these participants experienced, would have been made possible. The family dynamic is what

stood out as what impacted the lady’s ability to continue to move forward. With the exception of

Kanisha, whom her methodology was, “were going to go through this, they’ll be okay.” Either

way, in the end- it still took support and unconditional love for the mother’s in these stories to

fulfill their goals.

Latesha had her oldest son that stepped in as carpool brother, and mentor to his little brother,

while Shonda, had a good friend who sort of stepped in as sort of a surrogate mom to help her

and her children to get back on track with school, and maybe even keep other little teenagers out

of their home when she wasn’t there. The more support that was provided to each lady, the more

relief each of the woman began to feel about returning to college, and adding to their already

exhausted workload.

All of the woman felt a sense of anxiety about the negative patterns emerging in the lives of

their children, due to their experiences of loss of that undivided attention they may have once

held when the workload was a little easier for the mom’s. Kanisha did not express as much

worry, or anxiety, but rather took the dogmatic approach to be goal oriented, goal driven, and

focused, like the ultimate tunnel vision. That’s why her interview was short, and to the point- not

that she didn’t have a lot of experiences, but rather the last thing she said to me: “Sometimes in

humanity there’s a little suffering that we have to go through to get to where we would like to be

in life, so long as my family felt love from me, I was there, (even though not as much as they’d

like) in the long run, what I had to do benefits us all. “

 The greatest struggles that each woman experienced as they transitioned from being-

working moms with schedules that didn’t directly affect their family- to working moms that

added College to the plate, and a much tighter schedule. - was different for each lady.

Latesha’s desire to return to school to obtain a higher degree, in order to become more

competitive in her field, created friction between her ability to be actively involved in her 8 year

old’s school activities, as well as a disconnect in her ability to remain attentive to the academic

progress of her teenager, that he was accustomed to. Shonda struggled with the guilt of deciding

to return to school, and having it consume all her time- leaving her no available moments to

focus on her teenage twins. Kanisha’s greatest struggle was being so driven and goal oriented,

that she didn’t allow herself the time to focus on how it was affecting her family because there

was so much work to be done, and that brought her guilt.

The data from these participants answered my research question, but there are some

unexplored factors that may prevent this information from being appropriately applied to a wider

demographic, like single mothers. All the participants were married. There are very close

similarities between the backgrounds of these women and myself-we all are identified as

working women who are married, and have children with a combination of young and older. We

all returned to school after having our children and we are older than traditional college students.

What I am left wondering is what these stories may look like from other cultural

orientations, socioeconomic statuses, single mothers or single fathers. Will the quality of support

look vastly different provided circumstances were different, levels of support received from

family or friends? There is a need for support systems from friends, family, whoever can lend a

hand, when a mother decides to pursue her dreams, and accomplish her goals in completing her

college education.
 Conclusion

Provided my analysis of the data I collected, I can conclude that women who are past

traditional college years, that return to college after they have already established their family

structure, and schedules for work- and then add college to their list of responsibilities- have a

goal in mind that they believe will support their families in the long run. I do not believe

that their efforts are centered around anything but the hopes that they can become more

competitive in their career fields, and earn an income that will make the lives of their children

more comfortable, and their futures more manageable when it comes to paying for college, etc.

Family relationships, communication, and support of each other is what makes transitions such

as this a much smoother process.

HD 487 Artifacts
This is a picture off my family. When I spoke about how me going back to college, sometimes
negatively affects them in different ways (In my Research Design Theory), these are the
individuals that I was speaking about. They are my pride and joy, and although it may get hard
for them sometimes-not having my full, undivided attention- they try very hard to be as
supportive to me, as I have always been to them.
This artifact is another figure that I have in my home that represents the family, and how
standing strong together is so very important to me.
 This artifact is very important to me, because it’s a
family story that I have shared with all my children.
This story is a lesson in character, and integrity, and
how important it is to consider someone other than
yourself.

This book is one that I can read over and over. As

I grow into the understanding of my purpose, as it
relates to sharing my life with others- as a mother,
wife, through advocacy, work, or volunteering; I
am reminded each day of the joy in discovering all
that God has created me to be.
Section 6
 HD 488 REFLECTIVE STUDY:PRESENTATION OUTLINE

PARADIGM SHIFT

Introduction:

● I will be doing a presentation on paradigm shifts. My presentation will be addressing a

shift in the way we see each other as human beings, and will close with a paradigm of

time management.

● I chose this topic out of a concern about our perceptions of one another as human beings.

I chose to close my topic out with a brief discussion on time management because as

adults who work, have families, and are completing our educations, the one thing we

think we don’t have enough of is time.

Materials:

● PowerPoint presentation slides

● Blank cut papers

● Pictures of paradigm’s

● Ink pens

Activity:

I will give the presentation in a tone that engages a deeper level of thinking, I will

present the slides and communicate the topic of “Paradigm Shift.” I will then present the class

with an activity where I will pass out three different pictures, that represents a picture within a

picture- for the class to view and write down what they think they see.
 Documentation of Growth

When I first began my CLE courses, I had no idea what I was about to experience. The only

thing that I could see at first was a syllabus depicting over a hundred required pages of

information that I would be writing about myself. I have never had any trouble with the idea of

metacognition, “thinking about thinking” is not a problem for me- but; reflecting on past life

experiences and tying them into patterns of my life today was something entirely different.

When I decided to take the challenge, and begin revisiting the journey that has been my life, I

was amazed at how the concept of analyzing patterns that may be found in the deepest part of my

cognitive memory cold deliver me. By reflecting on the traumatic experiences, that the little

Tonya still remembers, I was able to make a connection with my adult self, connections that

revealed a protective barrier that always strives to make things turn out well, for fear of

disappointment.

By revisiting my adolescent years, I found the footsteps of a teen mother tiptoeing within the

consciousness of my adult self, in ways that I hadn’t known I was hiding. Through analysis, I

discovered that it was alright to remember the trials that led me to the strong woman that I have

become. I grew in my ability to identify experiences with diversity, both positive and negative-

as a normal human experience that I can learn from, and incorporate into my life and us as

positive patterns that could be used in future experiences.

In conclusion, I am better today because I took a journey into yesterday.

Evaluation 2
Evaluation 3
Section 7
Final Documentation of CLE