Professional Documents
Culture Documents
In this article, I want to turn to the difficult subject of difficult people. Part of the skill of leading
and managing choirs is learning to handle many different characters who often have competing,
even conflicting, wants and needs. Firstly, let’s look at a few of the tricky types I’ve come across
in my career, then we’ll consider some tactics for dealing with them as a choir leader.
or experienced are helped and supported by their more able colleagues. Being one of the more
competent singers in a group is a pleasure and a privilege, but just occasionally, you come across
someone who doesn’t get that. They’re very keen to let you know when those around them are
doing something wrong. They’re even keener to make sure you know that they’re doing it right!
As singers, most of us manage to be diplomatic when we hear that something isn’t quite right
during rehearsal. We may ask the conductor to revisit a passage because “there’s a little
confusion” about something or because “we’re not sure” about a particular point. We keep it
inclusive and don’t seek to assign blame. The person who sticks up their hand during rehearsal
and informs you of the errors of others may lack humility, but is unlikely to motivated by
malevolence. Essentially they’re seeking approval and validation by setting themselves above
their cohort. They’re insecure about their own abilities and achievements and they look for
reassurance by comparing themselves with others.
nice little sideline on the legal training lecture circuit. As I spoke to groups of lawyers, I would
see happy, engaged faces, impassive faces, bored faces, and occasionally a face that looked
downright miserable. I would assume that this glowering person was deeply unimpressed with
me and what I had to say, but almost without exception, I would get excellent feedback from
these people. The first time it happened I was astonished. How could someone who appeared to
be so glum and who didn’t interact at all in the session actually be having a good time?
The same thing has happened many times when I’ve been leading choirs and workshops. There
are some people who, outwardly, seem to be unengaged and even hostile, who turn out to be
having a brilliant time!
choir leaders, we want to do a good job, and one way to assess our performance is by feedback
from our choirs. The problem with this type of person is that if you ask them directly for their
opinion, they will always tell you that everything’s fine, even if it’s not. It’s a bit like eating in a
restaurant, moaning at your dining companion that the meat is tough, but then, when asked by
your waiter if you’re enjoying your meal, saying “it’s lovely, thank you”. I think this kind of
reaction is borne of an unwillingness, or even inability, to complain. Maybe this isn’t a problem
in other cultures, but it’s very British! This is why true feedback has to be anonymous.
material! Of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with humour in rehearsals – indeed, it’s
vital. The problem is that this person won’t let you get away with anything. The tiniest error or
confusion on your part is leapt upon and pointed out for laughs. Like the “one who’s a little
better than the rest of us”, the class clown wants attention and validation, from you and their
colleagues. The difficulty for a choir leader is that constant interruption and second-guessing is
you need to be in control; throwing a hissy fit for any reason takes away your control, not to
mention the fact that it will hardly endear you to those you are leading! Depending on your
character, that might be easier said than done, but it’s vital that you find ways (count to ten, bite
your lip, punch a pillow when you get home – whatever) to keep a lid on it. Remember that the
people you are leading are there voluntarily and they deserve your respect, even if at that
moment they’re getting on your last nerve.
not specifically related to what you’re working on in that moment, thank them, make a note and
come back to it later. This is particularly important when someone points out others’ mistakes (or
worse – questions your interpretation). You need to make it clear, politely and amiably, that you
are one in charge of directing the choir.
If you’re getting persistent interruptions from a “class clown”, my advice is smile, don’t respond
to whatever was just thrown your way, and move on swiftly. Attempting to answer quip with
counter-quip is doomed to failure – this type of person will always want the last word – and
you’ll be sidetracked even further.
fact is, as so often in life, it’s almost certainly not about you. The choir in front of you is made up
of individual human beings, with complex lives, experiences and motivations. When you see a
disgruntled expression on the face of a choir member, you’re probably not the cause of the
disgruntlement. Maybe that person had a row with their partner, maybe they are having a tough
time at work. Focus on your performance, on doing the best you can for your choir, and you’ll be
fine.
Empathise
One of the most powerful ways that I’ve found of dealing with difficult people in any walk of
life is to empathise with them. Sometimes that’s not easy – difficult people can make us
defensive and angry. But if you put yourself in their shoes for a moment, you may be able to get
an inkling of why they’re exhibiting the behaviours that you find difficult. Perhaps they’re
lonely, disappointed with their choices and achievements, fearful of rejection or failure. Just by
imagining how you might feel if you were that person, you can defuse your reaction to them.
Victoria Hopkins
Victoria is a founder and director of Total Choir Resources. She leads Total Voice Chamber
Choir in the UK.
Click Here to Leave a Comment Below
Good article thank you. It is exhausting to have constant interruptions and it was useful to have
that validated. I will try to politely ignore the person in future and not get drawn into her drama
and need for attention. Fortunately the rest of the group groan at her constant quips and know
what she is like but it can still be very distracting when I am trying to focus on our rehearsal.
To your knowledge, is it common to make all standing members of a choral group re-audition
every two years? I understand that you might want to do it in a children’s choir or a choir of
teens as their voices can change so much. I don’t understand the need for this in an adult choir.
All members of our group received an e mail from our director stating that a new policy requires
all members of the choir to re-audition every two years. Is that common?
Thanks,
Sandra B.
Hi Sandra. Regular re-auditioning is quite common in larger, more professional choruses. I had
to do it several times when I was singing with the Bournemouth Symphony Chorus. Even in an
adult choir, people’s voices change. Personally, I think auditioning every two years creates a lot
of work for everyone, but I see the point.
Thank you for replying so quickly! The handful of us that have stood up to him have definitely
thought about that. We actually have a couple other choral groups “in our back pockets, so to
speak. We’ve decided that right now, the fun that we have with the people in the group far
outweighs the negative stuff we have to deal with (it’s really really a wonderful group of people.)
If that ever changes, we will be out the door.
Sandra
Victoria Hopkins - 7 months ago Reply
Hi Sandra. I have to preface what I say with a big caveat, which is that I don’t know you, your
choir or the person you’re talking about. However, in principle, I think you have to stand up to
bullies. If your efforts to do so haven’t worked, and others aren’t prepared to rock the boat, you
might have to consider voting with your feet. Perhaps there’s room for another choir in your
community!
Hi Victoria,
First, thank your this excellent article. I am a member of a nonprofit volunteer choral club. We
sing mostly in retirement communities. We pay dues each season. My question to you is, what if
the difficult member IS the person in charge? He fits into many of the categories you outline
above. Those of us who are willing to stand up to him are unsuccessful, because other members
don’t want to rock the boat for fear of being let go simply for disagreeing with him. We’ve seen
him let people go simply because he doesn’t like them. This effects morale. The group as a
whole, enjoy each other immensely. This man is a bully, plain and simple. None of us want to
leave the group because we enjoy it and each other. Do you have suggestions that might help us
deal with this gentleman in a calm and diplomatic way? We’re stumped.
would like to take the consideration of balancing by moving some S2 in the Alto section. I made
an announcement about the idea of moving some of them but in surprised, I received a lot of
negative reactions. Im not sure about whats the undermining reasons but its difficult to improve
such choir with the absence of an open-mind policy.
Hi Owens. I sympathise with you – that’s an annoying problem. My own choir has been missing
a few altos lately, and it has affected the balance.
It seems to me that you have two options. 1: Impose a change, deal with any negative reaction
and hope that it will shake out over time (you could remind your singers that those who sing
‘inner’ parts will improve their music-reading skills). 2: Continue to allow singers to decide
where in the choir they sing, and look to attract some more altos from elsewhere. Personally, I
wouldn’t rely on singers choosing their own place in the choir. Even if your choir isn’t
auditioned, I would take the time to listen to everyone’s voices individually and place them in a
section based on their range and timbre.
I am a newcomer to the conductor scene stepping into these shoes for the Rosetown Choristers in
Te Awamutu New Zealand. The Choir is a community choir which was formed about 26 years
ago. There is approx. 35 members. My predecessor had been Conductor for 9 years and has
retired. I moved to Te Awamutu 6 months ago from near by City Hamilton. I joined the choir as
an alto to enjoy singing and still have my mouth open that I have taken on this role. I have a
I have had a lady join( followed me from church) who unfortunately does not fit into this
category. I been approached by other members of the choir (in a nice way) with their concerns. I
have talked to her and suggested that maybe this is not the place for her and maybe if she got
singing lessons that would help with her pitch etc. She said she has learnt a lot and wants to keep
coming. I have told her that she will be unable to sing at the public concert. She is still coming to
practices – I don’t believe she had ‘heard’ me. Noticed last practice her music is still not in a
folder, disorganised over the floor and looking very shabby. I have talked to the committee and
we do not know how to further deal with this. I have suggested I give her one on one but she has
not taken me up on this offer. She has never missed a practice and comes as much for the
company. Help.
PS Absolutely love your podcast and articles. Have found them so helpful.
First of all, thank you for your kind words about the podcast and website. I’m so glad you find it
helpful. Secondly, well done! What a brave thing to do to take on a community choir with such a
long history.
I think you’ve got two major issues to tackle here. The first is a general one – the choir’s status
as a non-auditioned community choir. You say that despite that status, there’s an expectation that
members will be able to basically hold a melody or harmony, sing in tune and have some
understanding of music. That’s all fine, but who determines whether a new member meets that
expectation? If you’re going to ask new members to self-assess their competence, you’re going
to get situations like the one you’re in now where a person self-assesses poorly and thinks
they’re up to the task when they’re not. If you are going to assess whether a new member meets
the expectations your choir has, then you are effectively auditioning, and you may as well just be
up-front about it and call it what it is – an auditioned choir.
You, and the choir, need to decide what you value more: your non-auditioned “all-comers”
status, or a choir that comprises only competent singers. I don’t think you can have both.
The second issue is specific – your situation with this lady. I am full of sympathy for you
because my least favourite tasks as a choir leader are those where I have to criticise singers,
whether it’s in rehearsals or auditions. One thing I’ve learned so far is that it’s better to be
completely clear than try to be so diplomatic that you end up not imparting the information that
needs to be imparted. I think you’re quite right to say that she hasn’t “heard” you, and I suggest
that you have another conversation with her, in private, in which you set out very clearly what
you expect her to change and by when. You also need to tell her if failing to meet that standard
will mean that you’ll be asking her to leave. However, do be very careful that you’re not making
rules for her that don’t apply to everyone else. And if you’re going to make rules for everyone,
you need to communicate them to everyone – which sort of leads you back to auditioning.
I don’t envy you with this one, Theresa. It is, as you say, tricky. Do let us know how you decide
to proceed and how you get on.
It is indeed a difficult subject, it’s difficult to comment on in a public forum as some may know
who we’re talking about! I don’t think that all ‘who are a little bit better than the rest of us’ seek
validation. Some really believe they are better. Also some difficulties occur for non-musical
reasons (the room being to hot for some and too cold for others – at the same time for example).
I would add ‘Calm persistence’ to the tactics, not letting people get away with things while not
making a big issue of it.