Robyn Brollier

Thursday, April 26, 2018

COMM 2110 – Interpersonal Communication
Final Report
Overview
My personal change project was focused on the tone of voice I use when communicating with
colleagues, friends, and family. It had come to my attention that sometimes I give off the wrong
impression when speaking to others because of the tone of voice I use. The strategies I
implemented in order to succeed throughout the semester are: to practice being more other-
orientated when communicating with people in my day-to-day life; the elements of
communication and what factors play into a conversation and how each step of the process
effects the way the message is interpreted by the receiver; to practice self-reflexiveness while
communicating because being aware of the way I am sending a message is key to successful
communicating; and focusing on any emotional noise I may give off to the receiver that could
interrupt a successful conversation. These strategies were often difficult due to the heat of the
moment or quick responses that were said before I thought of how it might sound. To succeed I
had to implement changes into every conversation I had with my colleagues, friends, and family.
It would not be possible to manage any constraints if I chose to only focus on specific messages,
it had to be all or nothing during this project. The results of this project were very positive. I am
proud of the outcome I received from this semester long communication project. It was
interesting to focus on an unwanted communication habit and eventually see the positive results
from focusing my attention to my tone of voice.

Unwanted Communication Pattern

The unwanted communication pattern that I was hoping to break was how I speak to others or
how my tone of voice is perceived when I am sending a verbal message. My entire life I have
been told to watch my tone of voice or asked if I was angry because of the way I replied to a
comment or question from somebody I was communicating with. I never understood why I was
asked these questions because when I hear myself speak, I do not believe I sound a certain way. I
recently learned that communicating is not all about me and what I think about the situation.
Communicating is between two or more people and is about how the receiver interprets the
message I am sending. My unwanted communication habit impacted my relationship with my
parents because they felt that I was constantly giving them attitude. The older I get and as I
reminisce about past conversations I realize that maybe there was some attitude given to my
them throughout the years, but I honestly do not think the way they received certain messages is
how I meant to send them. I also have this one coworker that is difficult to work with because I
believe we both have the same unwanted communication pattern that we need to work on. In our
daily interactions, it is often hard to get through a conversation because neither of us agree on
how we want to complete a project. We both have the same end goal, but I can tell that
sometimes when we are discussing details, she will often ignore me when I disagree with her
idea which then causes tension between us. Neither of these situations are enjoyable for anyone –
my parents, colleagues, or myself.

Strategies
The strategies I wanted to implement to make the change from my unwanted communication
pattern to an all-around better communication process with my colleagues, family, and friends
are to be more other-orientated, to focus on the elements of communication, to take time to
practice self-reflexiveness, and to focus on any emotional noise I may give off when
communicating with anyone.
The first strategy I mentioned, and I believe to be the most important is being other-orientated.
Being other-orientated is to be aware of the thoughts, needs, experience, personality, emotions,
motives, desires, culture, and goals of your communication partners while still maintaining your
own integrity (Beebe, p.2). The text book defines this term very well and illustrates many ways
you can integrate this skill in your daily conversations. I have practiced this skill throughout the
semester and have found the best results come from realizing, it is not all about you; life is better
when everyone is content and satisfied with the outcome of a conversation. I have learned that
taking a moment to be aware of who I am communicating with helps tremendously. I expected
this strategy to work exactly the way it did. People tend to be attracted to other people who take a
moment to invest in the other speaker. For example, when I am having a conversation with a
colleague, I wouldn’t speak to them the way I would speak to a friend. Instead I would be more
professional and personal in a way I know they would appreciate. Taking a moment to ask them
how their weekend went and relating to them the best I can based on the information I already
have is important. This strategy came easily to me and I think I will continue to be other-
orientated throughout my life.
The elements of communication process helped me understand the way communication works
and how every detail matters when working towards a successful conversation. Every form of
communication has these elements: source, message, channel, receiver, noise, feedback, and
context (Beebe, p. 7). Understanding these basic elements helped me work through tough
situations and make the right decision on how I wanted to react. The elements of this process that
helped me the most during the semester to get rid of my unwanted communication would be
encode, channel, and receiver. Encode because I need to focus on the way I translate ideas,
feelings, and thoughts into code. Taking a moment to analyze how I want to send a message or
even if it is worth sending helped me avoid negative conversations. Channel is very important as
well because the pathway through which a message is sent can be either positive or negative for
the communication process. If it is done correctly, the conversation will go the way you want it
to and will be successful. Although half of interpersonal communication has to do with you as
the source of the message, the other half is the receiver. This was a helpful lesson to learn
because as I have mentioned before, the communication process is not all about me but mostly
about the receiver and how they will decode the message. Taking a moment before, during, and
after each conversation to analyze the elements of communication had only positive results. I
believe that being more aware of each element is a skill that every communicator needs to have.
Another important skill to have is the ability to think about what you are doing while you are
doing it; the textbook calls this self-reflexiveness (Beebe, p. 39). Self-reflexiveness should be an
easy thing to do but it was more difficult than expected. I am pleased with the outcome of this
strategy because I am now able to catch myself doing things that I do not want to, especially with
the way I communicate with others. It is one thing to realize what went wrong after the moment
has passed but it is another skill to be self-aware while you are doing it. Being self-reflexive
should be practiced in every aspect of life to succeed and be confident in all that you do. I am
confident that this strategy will stay with me throughout life and I hope to pass on this skill to
others around me by leading a good example. I strongly believe that having this skill will
encourage me to have more positive conversations with my colleagues, family, and friends.
Self-reflexiveness will not only encourage me to be aware of what I am doing while I am doing
it, but it will also help me be aware of the emotional noise I have while communicating,
especially during heated moments of disagreement with colleagues, family, and friends.
Emotional noise occurs when emotional arousal interferes with communication effectiveness
(Beebe, p. 123). I, unfortunately, struggle with emotional noise which is why I chose this
strategy to focus on during the project. When I do not agree with certain things it is shown
through my facial expressions, body gestures, and tone of voice. Ways I incorporated this
strategy into my communication processes was by taking a deep breath before giving any
feedback to the message that I did not agree with, which especially worked when I was working
with my coworker on a project and we did not agree on how to complete it. Also, when I felt
overwhelmed with school and work, I asked my mom if I could call her later when I finished
what needed to be done. She was very understanding, and it was rewarding to see the results of
this project have a positive outcome. I am now more aware of my emotional noise and although
it isn’t something that can be fixed overnight, this whole project has been focused on this
unwanted communication habit, I am glad I have the knowledge to work towards successful
conversations.

Constraints
I encountered many challenges during this project that made it difficult to effectively change my
unwanted communication habit. I found it difficult to be aware of what I was doing while I was
doing it, especially during heated moments; to think before I respond to something I do not agree
with; to watch my facial expressions; and to realize that not everybody has the same opinion as I
do – just to name a few. I think being aware of what I am doing while I am doing it was most
difficult when emotional arousal occurred. Whether it be positive or negative arousal, I react
quickly before thinking about who I am communicating with and sometimes the receiver of my
message is not on the same page as I am. Reacting quickly directly relates to thinking before I
respond, which we are taught our whole lives but how often do we actually practice this skill
when we are angry or upset? Not often. If I would get home and the house is a mess and I feel
like I am the only one doing dishes, it gets extremely difficult to not say something to my
roommates. Or when I don’t agree with a colleague, I don’t need to say something about it, but it
is obvious based on the facial expressions I make when I am annoyed with a situation. My facial
expressions made it difficult for me to effectively change my unwanted habit because if I wanted
to let things go without saying something, the other person would know I was upset. That is the
same with my tone of voice, I don’t want to make a big deal about a minor situation but when
somebody can hear the annoyance in my voice it is hard to move on.

Implementation
The most impactful change that I made to enact the new, wanted behavior was to think about the
message I was sending, who was receiving the message, and how it might be perceived. I believe
this was the most important because my unwanted communication pattern is completely based
on the tone of voice I have while communicating with colleagues, friends, and family. I often
speak before I think but taking a moment to process my response before verbalizing my thoughts
is helpful when working towards a successful communication process. Where I saw this change
make the biggest difference is at work because there are many different types of personalities
that do not always agree on one process – which is totally fine! It was not hard for me to make
this change but there were times where I would get frustrated, and it helped to think before
speaking. As I mentioned before, my colleague and I were assigned a project to work on
together, but we did not agree on how to complete it. When her and I would have our
disagreements, I would calmly let her know that I would like to think about it before getting back
to her. She would accept that answer and wait for my response. I preferred having this moment
to think about how I wanted to respond without reacting in a way I might regret or offend. I
would also say this with a smile on my face, so it sounded friendlier than if I responded with a
straight face. I learned this also works over the phone, they say people can hear a smile over the
phone. When I disagree with a customer, I will try my best to smile through the conversation, so
it has a better chance of ending on a good note.
Thinking before sending an unwanted message helped with majority of the constraints I
experienced during this project. Taking a moment to think about who I am communicating with
and knowing that not everybody has the same “stuff” as I do had a huge impact on my
communication habits. It made it easier to communicate through situations I did not necessary
find easy because I know that I am experiencing something different than the person next to me.
Although we are hearing and discussing the same exact thing, everybody decodes messages
differently. Understanding that communication is not all about me but about the person who is
decoding the message now helps me get through most things without getting an attitude or giving
off the emotional noise that I once did.
A change that I had planned to achieve but didn’t was part of my emotional noise strategy. I still
have more work to do with controlling my facial expressions that I show when I receive
information that I do not agree with. I think this is a big step though if I do not have a bad tone in
my voice, which is the main unwanted habit I have. I am not sure what prevented me from
accomplishing this goal, but I believe it has to do with my strong personality and confidence in
what I believe in. When I do not agree with something I usually like to express why I do not
agree and what I believe in. I think this is something that many individuals my age lack because
we are constantly told to be quiet and do what we are told but not everything we are told is right
and if we want to make a change in the world, we should be able to express this if it is with
respect.

Results
All in all, the outcome of this project was very positive for me. A few positive consequences I
experienced is the ability to have more successful conversations that ended with agreement,
respect and gratitude for everyone involved; being able to disagree with colleagues, friends, and
family without offending anyone; understanding that not everything is about me, especially the
communication process; and gaining the most important skill of thinking before I speak my very
opinionated mind. Although, majority of this project was positive, I did experience some
negative consequences. For example, I would forget to focus on my personal change project and
notice afterwards that I did not make any attempts to change my unwanted communication habit.
These results often caused an unsuccessful conversation that did not end with agreement, respect,
or gratitude for the other person.
The theories from the textbook went as planned and exactly how I would have expected them to.
Being other-orientated when communicating with others is key to a successful conversation. It is
no wonder the text mentions it in every chapter. Thinking about who is receiving the messages
and how they might interpret what I am saying will be a strategy I will use for the rest of my life.
I think it is the base of all communication habits and once I have this skill permanently engraved
in my practices I will continue to receive well communicated outcomes in my conversations. The
elements of communication process are another great tool to have while I am communicating
with colleagues, friends, and family. Thinking before I speak and understanding the way
communication is processed will guide me to all-around better conversations because I will have
the skills to send positive messages in a way that will not have any negative emotional noise and
will have the receiver in mind.

Recommendations
I plan on continuing this course of action throughout the rest of my life. The personal change
project encouraged me to be more mindful of my unwanted communication habits. Beforehand, I
wouldn’t have noticed what I was doing wrong or had the material to improve my
communication habits. Now I have the knowledge of different strategies that can better my
relationship with colleagues, friends, and family through communication. There is always room
for improvement and as this course goes on I learn new theories that can lead to even more
positive results. I believe being mindful (Beebe, p.78) of others is key to a healthy relationship,
whether it be work related or intimate. The ability to be social decentering is a useful skill to
have when communicating with people from different cultures and backgrounds. At work for
example, we are interacting with different people throughout the day and although you may not
agree with them all the time, you still must respect them and consider their thoughts, feelings,
values, background, and perspective (Beebe, p.130).

Works Cited
Beebe, Steven A., et al. Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others. 8th ed., Pearson,
2017.