Sarah Gormley

Dr. Malcolm Campbell

UWRT 1104

27 April 2018

Studio 6- Revision

Bruce Ballenger Chapter Summary:

When I hear the word revision I have a mini panic attack, because to me that means

redoing your entire first draft, that you just spent hours working on. Bruce Ballenger explains in

hist chapter that that is indeed not true, revision doesn't have to mean changing everything you

wrote, it just means changing the places where you loose focus, or the places where the reader

looses focus. I found this very interesting because I just always assumed revision means

changing everything you did. One thing in this chapter that didn’t really stand out to me, didn't

keep me reading was where he talked about Re-searching. The only reason I found this part kind

of boring to read was because we have discussed in class that your research never ends.

Throughout the whole process of writing a paper, you should always be finding new research,

and new ways to make your paper better, so that just didn’t interest me as much as other parts of

the paper did. After reading this chapter I am going to take a lot of the strategies that I read about

in Ballengers chapter. I am going to get more friends to read my work, and throughout my

writing process next time I am going to constantly ask myself “Does It Say One Thing?” am I

focused on what my research question is and what I am trying to get my audience to understand,

or am I getting off topic, and writing about other things that don’t really need to be said in my

paper. I think that reading this chapter has given me hope that revision does not mean changing
everything, it might just mean making sure your staying on task, or making sure that all of your

grammar is correct. But revision means change and change is a good thing.

Margin Outline:

Paragraph 1: What is happening with physical education programs in elementary schools

Paragraph 2: Lower academic performances

Paragraph 3: More behavioral outbursts in the classroom

Paragraph 4: Obesity rates are rising dramatically

Paragraph 5: Stepping up to do something for our future generations

I. Kindergarten through fifth grade students are showing lower academic performances in the

classroom, more and more behavioral issues, and obesity rates are rising dramatically

a. Society discourages physical activity compared to academics

b. From North Carolina and Virginia to Oregon and California, districts are cutting

positions from arts and PE programs as a way to make up for budget shortfalls, but by

removing these programs schools are seeing a lot of increased issues in many students

II. Children are showing lower academic performances throughout all elementary schools

a. State-mandated standardized testing has had the unintended consequence of reducing

opportunities for children to be physically active during the school day and beyond

b. school physical activity was positively associated with academic performance and

cognitive functioning, or at least had no detrimental effect. The study findings support the

conclusion that maintaining or increasing time children spend engaging in school

physical activity does not detract from student achievement, and it may contribute to

children’s academic success”

III. Elementary School teachers are dealing with more and more behavioral problems, and

outbursts in the classroom

a. Studies show that the required amount of exercise kids should get a day is at least 60

minutes of moderate- to vigorous-intensity, but students in elementary schools today are

lucky if they get 15 minutes of recess.

b. PE teachers will be of the first to notice any delays, or problems in children.

IV. Obesity Rates are rising dramatically in children.

a. One in three U.S. kids is overweight or obese, but only six states — Alabama, Georgia,

Mississippi, North Carolina, Illinois and Iowa — adhere to standards from the National

Association of Sports and Physical Education that schoolchildren participate in 150

minutes a week of physical education. And just three states — Delaware, Virginia and

Nebraska — have 20 minutes of mandatory elementary-school recess a day

b. At Anatola Elementary School in Van Nuys, California, not only are there no gym

teachers, but there is also no gym. The principal, Miriam King, has relied on $15-an-hour

aides to oversee once-weekly exercise regimens for her 450 students at an outside

playground. “Sometimes, when it is raining, we just cancel,”

c. The CDC reports that 17 percent of children and adolescents ages 2-19 are obese. Thats

twelve and a half million children that are obese in America almost a fifth of our future

V. We need to step up to do something about this, these kids are our future.

a. By incorporating in more lifelong knowledge about health into our physical education

systems, obesity rates will drop and students will do much better in school.
b. When we remove physical education programs we are really punishing ourselves.

Students are facing lower and lower academic scores and performances, there are

increased behavior outbursts in the classroom, and the obesity rate is rising rapidly.