Revision sheet

In recent years, with the rise of genetic modification technology, genetically

modified food has become a focus of public concerns. Thus, in my writing project 2,

I chose to explore the safety of GMOs through the disciplines of chemistry and

statistics. The purpose of this essay is not only to analyze the similarities and

difference of literacy practices and classroom practices between these two discourse

community, but also, more broadly, to broaden public understanding of GMOs and

alleviate the public fear toward GMOs.

For revision process, I mainly corrected some grammatical issues, such as verb

tense, plurals, and punctuations. In the in-text citation, I need to put period after

parentheses. Also, word choice is also a big focus of my revision process. For

example, I replaced the word “database” with “data collection and analysis” to better

explain my points. Through professor Speiser’s comments, I also replaced the word

“torrents” with the words “a flood of”. In the revision process, I also deleted some

unnecessary information in order to be concise and clear. For example, I spend nearly

half of a paragraph to talk about how we define the discipline of statistics and how it

works. In fact, I only need one or two sentence to define statistics, instead of

repeating in different ways. For citation style, it is another big focus for me since it is

my first time to write an essay in APA format. There are some issues for both in-text

citation and under the work cited. For example, only first initial names for references

are needed in APA format. Also, I used a chart in my article to explain to readers how

statistical approaches are used in assessing the safety of GMOs. However, I forgot to
insert a text box to denote where the reference comes from. I order to improve

coherence, I added some transition words to connect the whole article and make it

clear. Additionally, for comparing these two discourse communities, I did not focus on

dramatic changes, but turned my focus to discuss the reasons why they are named, or

designated as different disciplines. Also, I discussed more about what I had found in

my academic research, not solely sticking to how disciplines approach to the topic. In

doing this, I can find a balance between what I find and how the disciplines arrive at

knowledge.

Overall, after the revision, my article has become more concise and clearer. More

importantly, I corrected nearly all of the grammatical mistakes with the help of my

professor. He gives some really practical and important advice in revising my article.

Through this revision process, I think that I can avoid some of similar mistakes in my

future writing and become a more professional and credible writer.