CFAMH750 – Richard Thompson 1

Community Context Paper 5: Empathy

If weddings are concerned primarily with love, then it should follow that the

wedding music is infused with love as well. In examing my musical community of

wedding band musicians and participants, I was pleased to find that instances of

care and empathy – direct representations of love - were frequently encountered

and employed. Additionally, an attitude of inclusion that permeates my band and

our performances works to establish a sense of community amongst all participants.

Although wedding bands are paid to entertain their clients and their guests,

an insistence on sounding good should not serve the sole purpose of “doing well in

society,” where doing well means personal financial gain. Instead, as Cheng notes,

“the primary purpose of sounding good isn’t to do well, but to do good.” 1 In this case,

it could be easy for any band member to become wrapped up in one’s own

performance, irrespective of how it applies to others. For example, given the

freedom last week to choose the pre-ceremony music, I was faced with the choice of

performing songs that were currently in my repertoire – those which I knew I could

make sound good – or instead learning new songs that would have more of an

impact on the bride and groom. While the latter choice meant more work for me, it

was important that I “do good,” and exercise care and empathy for the clients’

feelings, especially on such an important day to them.

This care for our band’s clients is exercised not only in our preparation, but

throughout our performances. In Community Musicians, Higgins writes that

community musicians “are committed to the idea that everybody has the right and

1
William Cheng, Just Vibrations (Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press, 2016), 8.
CFAMH750 – Richard Thompson 2

ability to make, create, and enjoy their own music.”2 Throughout our show, the band

specifically calls for audience participation in singing, clapping, and dancing. Our

singers go out into the crowd, handing the microphones to audience members, and

valuing their personal contributions to the music. The bride and groom are called

up onto to the stage numerous times throughout the night and allowed to sing and

improvise. If any one of the guests want to perform with the band, we will cater to

almost any request. By enabling these music-making opportunities, the band allows

everyone in attendance access to and participation in a musical community. This

attitude of inclusion helps work toward “unconditional hospitality,” that which is so

important to community music.3

Empathy and care for others is also practiced amongst bandmates. This is

most often found in the support that the members of my band have for each other.

When I expressed my desire recently to sing a particular song – I am not a

professional singer by any means - my bandmates encouraged me, rather than

shooting me down. As another example, if one of our three singers isn’t feeling well

on any particular night, someone else will step up and sing the lead part on the sick

singer’s song. Rather than saying or feeling like it’s the sick singer’s problem and

not their own, the singers instead allow reparative time for each other whenever

necessary. This situation is especially surprising given the paranoia that could come

from worrying that another singer might steal their song.

2
Lee Higgins, Community Music: In Theory and In Practice (New York: Oxford
University Press, 2012), 5.
3
Higgins, Community Music, 140.
CFAMH750 – Richard Thompson 3

Not everyone involved in my community practices such care, however, and

unfortunately, I easily found examples of paranoia. In Just Vibrations, Cheng writes

of the debilitating effects of paranoid motives. 4 These were most evident to me in

the occasional actions of my bandleader. While he is generally a warm individual,

his paranoia about things going wrong can manifest itself into hostile and aggressive

behavior, frequently yelling at the stage crew during performances. Not only does

this negativity ripple throughout the band, but this tension can carry through the

music, impacting the audience as well. This particular strain of paranoia and the

resulting hostility can also be found in wedding planners and wedding venue

management, who are quick to chastise the band for perceived infractions, such as

playing a few decibels too loud, or taking too long to eat dinner.

Attitudes of care can vary from the community participants as well, having a

direct effect on the band members. For example, when a wedding guest goes out of

the way to praise our performance, that positivity is reciprocated back into the band

members’ performances. By contrast, when the band is ignored by the audience,

and cast off into the corner of a basement for dinner, this antipathy and lack of care

can have a negative effect on the attitudes of the band members. These feelings can

be tough to shake off as the night goes on, undoubtedly affecting the musicians’

demeanor and performances in negative ways. As Cheng notes, “receiving care…can

serve as a significant impetus for showing care in turn and paying things forward.” 5

While Cheng speaks of a positive reciprocation, unfortunately negative reciprocation

can be found as well.

4
Cheng, Just Vibrations, 40-43.
5
Cheng, Just Vibrations, 53.
CFAMH750 – Richard Thompson 4

Although these last few examples show instances where care and empathy

are lacking, they are the occasional exceptions to a generally positive environment.

In fact, I have heard horror stories from my bandmates of other wedding music

communities filled with paranoia and antipathy, and I feel very lucky to have found

such a caring, supportive and empathetic musical community.

CFAMH750 – Richard Thompson 5

Bibliography

Cheng, William. Just Vibrations: The Purpose of Sounding Good. Ann Arbor: University

of Michigan Press, 2016.

Higgins, Lee. Community Music: In Theory and In Practice. New York: Oxford

University Press, 2012.