Jim Wood

Mental Health Nurse

Manly Community Mental Health Service

Ipswich Rd.

Manly

NSW 2345

27/06/2012

Dear Mr. Wood,

Re: Mr. Jack Mills

I am writing to refer this patient, a 22- year- old single male who has been under our care for Comment [SR1]: Add the noun ‘male’
after the adjective ‘single’.
schizophrenia since 23/05/2012. He requires your treatment and care coordination services.

Mr. Mills had an initial episode of psychosis in November 2011when he started his university Comment [SR2]: You must leave a
space after 2011 and before ‘when’.
education. Since then, he has been under medical and supportive treatment. The patient also made
Comment [SR3]: Use the personal
a suicidal attempt following a matter regarding his mother’s second marriage. Fortunately, he was pronoun object ‘he’.
saved. Comment [SR4]: Use the article ‘a’ as it
is one attempt.
However, his condition has deteriorated since May 2012. The patient always likes to work on his
computer, refuses to eat or talk as his mother plans to remarry, and he has not attended his work
program regularly. Mr. Mills’ mother believes that he has stopped taking his medication. In addition, Comment [SR5]: Use present perfect
here.
the patient stated that he has been suffering from auditory hallucination as well. Finally, he was
Comment [SR6]: Possessive pronoun:
admitted to this hospital. it is more natural to specify whose
medication it is.
Regarding his social history, he smokes cigarettes as well as consumes alcohol.

Mr. Mill’s current medications are sodium valporate 250mg twice a day, Navane 1.5 mg
intramuscularly 4 times a day for 4 weeks. He has also been receivinged one-to-one, supportive and Comment [SR7]: You need ‘ing’ on the
verb so it is present perfect continuous
insight oriented psychotherapy. tense.

The patient is due to be discharged today however, his judgement is still impaired.

It would be greatly appreciated if you could provide optimal care and treatment for this patient.
Could you please encourage him to stop smoking and drinking. Please note, the next dose of sodium
valporate is due on July17, 2012. Comment [SR8]: You need a space
between the month and the day.
Should you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely, Comment [SR9]: Always use a comma

after the closing address.
Charge Nurse.
Comments and Feedback

Great work! This one is your best letter of the course with less errors and
mostly accurate and clear sentences. The content is great with all key points
mentioned. It was quite long so just ensure you write concisely.

Areas to review

 Leave a space between words

 Word form
 Present Perfect

Tips on exam day

 Read the case notes and task question carefully and plan your letters
accordingly
 Remember, cases notes do not follow grammatical conventions (i.e articles
& prepositions are often omitted) but your letter must, so always expand
into complete sentences
 Double check your sentences for article use
 If the case notes words describe the condition clearly, then there is no
need to use synonyms
 Take care with singular & plural forms and associated grammar
 Make the focus of the letter clear
 The most important verb structures are simple past, present perfect and
passive voice so do a final review
 Use time markers such as for/since/ago correctly
 Include social factors if significant
 Make sure word form with nouns, verbs and adjectives are correct and
your sentences are balanced
 Write in a pencil so you can erase any errors or change sentences if
needed

Good luck  !!

Grade: This letter is B