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June 23, 2018

Dear straight men at a loss,

You want to spoil your girl. You’ve tried your best to pleasure her in bed, but still do not

know where to turn. Well, as an unsatisfied woman, I am here to give you some tips on how to

make your sex life more fun and interesting. Sexual intimacy is a journey for all parties involved,

thus for your sex to be ideal, it needs to have a beginning, middle, and end. However, a lot of

men mistakenly only consider the middle – the almighty orgasm – and that is because that is how

the male body works. Women do not share that in common with you. With a goal-orientated

mindset, your sex starts to become dull, fast, and boring, most often leaving the woman

unsatisfied. Do not misinterpret. Women love the middle part just as much as you do; however,

there is so much more to sex than the orgasm. Here are five basic steps to ensure your woman is

happy in bed because good sex for her means more sex for you.

The first step is to understand that women are complex and are not as easily turned on as

you are. We require foreplay- a beginning to our experience. We want to be held and cherished,

maybe even teased a little bit. Our vulva (The entire female genitalia, not just the vaginal

opening. This includes our clitoris, our lips, the vagina, etc.) needs to open to you because,

unlike your penis, we can’t just have an erection and be ready to go. We need lubrication to be

built up, emotions to be sparking, and the feeling of love rather than just lust.

One way you can achieve successful foreplay is to take your time. There is no rush.

Building up the intensity will make your girl crazy for you. On average, women need about 20

minutes of foreplay to go from aroused to orgasmic, whereas men only need 3 minutes (Wilde,
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2011). Start off slowly, and don’t go for the vulva straight away. In other words, start outward

and work inward. Make sure to ask for feedback as to ensure she is being pleasured.

The second step to ensure your partner is happy in bed is to break out of your normal sex

routine. I’m sure this isn’t your first-time hearing about foreplay, and you may have been

successful with foreplay in the past but now it is not as successful. I am here to tell you it may be

because you have a similar (if not the same) routine every time. Remember that too much of any

one good becomes stale at some point. Your girl needs to be surprised and have a feeling of

excitement. She wants to know that you want her and are not just doing the moves you know

work to get her to have sex with you.

One way you could break out of this routine is to simply talk with her. Ask her if she has

anything new that both of you want to try, or if there is anything that isn’t working for her

anymore. Possibly even, to keep with the surprise, ask her to tell you things she is not okay with

and then choose something to surprise her that follows her wants. However, after having this

talk, make sure to follow through with the things you have discussed. If she said she wants you

to do something to her, make sure to follow through with it.

The third step to ensure your partner is happy in bed is understanding the most frustrating

part of sex for us: just because you are finished does not mean we are finished. Yes, this often

come as a shock to men, but sex is not over when you orgasm. Women orgasm too, and once you

get their engines revved, it’s rude to leave them with “blue balls.” They want you to keep going.

Make sure they are satisfied too.

However, please do not rush this step. Do not make it a goal to get her off as fast as

possible. If you know that you will be uninterested after you have orgasmed, then make it a

priority to make her orgasm before you do. She wants to know that her needs are important too,
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and you can show this to her through your actions. Let her know you care about her pleasure and

will do anything to get it for her.

This then brings me to my fourth step, which is to do your research on female anatomy.

When it comes to the female reproductive system, things can get complicated fast. Yes, the

vagina — a term often used when people really mean the vulva — can be delicate and complex

and yet also be able to take a rough pounding. A lover’s understanding of their partner’s genitalia

can dramatically affect their love life. Basically, for your sake, if you’re well-versed in the vulva,

chances are your partner will want to have sex more often.

For example, a 2009 study revealed that about 75% of all women never reach orgasm

from intercourse alone (James, 2009), yet another study shows that 63% of men absolutely refuse

to give oral sex to a girl (Scott, 2016). This leaves 10% of men not refusing to give oral sex but

never actually performing it on their partners and the remaining 27% of men actually going

down on their partner (Borreli, 2016). Foreplay and external stimulation can be far more

important than penetration when it comes to women achieving orgasm, and knowing that can be

key to improving your sex life.

After all is said and done and you’ve given your girl the most blissful orgasm of her life,

then comes the fifth and final step which is to ensure a happy ending. When you are both done,

make it a habit to bond with her. Cuddle her, love her, ask her how her experience was, etc. She

doesn’t want to have this amazing experience with you and then disassociate like it never

happened. Women are open and want to connect with you afterward. Do not disconnect- stay for

a while and cherish your time with her, even if it’s only for a couple of minutes.

You may be asking yourself if all this effort is worth it to make your girl happy in bed

when you can just stick to what you know works for you. I would say yes, absolutely yes, it is
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worth it. Good sex for her means more of it for you. She will brag about her sex life with you,

you both will feel better about yourselves, and you might even surprise yourself with things you

enjoy as well. It’s a win-win proposition. Now take these steps and blow your partner’s mind.

Sincerely,

An unsatisfied woman
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References

Borreli, L. (2016, February 26). Oral Sex Gap: Women Twice As Likely To 'Go Down' On

Partners, Half As Likely To Get Pleasure From Receiving. Retrieved from Medical

Daily: WEB

James, S. D. (2009, September 4). Female Orgasm May Be Tied to 'Rule of Thumb'. Retrieved

from ABC News: WEB

Scott, E. (2016, March 12). Female students are giving much more oral sex than they’re

receiving. Retrieved from Metro: WEB

Wilde, R. (2011, July 29). 8 steps to great foreplay.