Counseling session

In the initial contact, you as a counselor must aim at establishing a counseling relationship. This means
that you must make your client feel that you are someone who can be trusted to help. You must inspire
confidence and hope.

The first and other successive counseling sessions should generally last 50 minutes to one hour. This
hour can be sub-divided into five stages as follows:-the social stage, problem exploration stage,
interaction stage, goal setting stage, and closure/termination stage.

Social stage- 10 minutes

This includes the greeting, making the client feels comfortable e.g. showing them where to sit. Talk
about social things like weather and what might be of interest to them. If this is successive session you
take time for introducing/checking in and connection with previous session. The important skills here
are connecting and engaging, when the client’s appetite. Make them want to pay attention and desire to
keep coming.

Problem Exploration- 15 minutes

If this is the first contact get the client/s to tell you why they have come to see you. Let them tell you the
problem in their own words. Just listen. What is their problem? What kind of change do they need?
What are the needy areas? Gather the facts.

Interaction stage- 10 minutes

In this stage the counselor tries to find out how the problem originated or is being maintained- by
observation or by asking specific questions (tracking). Has this problem ever occurred? How was it
solved? Is it a totally new problem? If it is a successive session, you deal with what specific problem.

Goal setting- 10 minutes

If it is the first session, you redefine the problem the way you have heard it in behavioral terms. What
behavior is engaged in that causes the problem for the client? Is there a problem attitude or problem
circumstances? The soliciting of these problem areas will make it easy to set goals and homework. The
number of goals will determine the number of sessions.

If it is a successive session, you keep within the goal that was set ie keep to one problem or issue. Ensure
that you have dealt with it thoroughly. If you notice that there are related areas that are still not dealt
with, then set a new goal on how you are going to tackle it in the next session.

Closure- 5 minutes

Here you wind-up the session. If you have to give homework, this is the time to do it. Get the client/s to
commit to an assignment and to return for further counseling. If it is the first session, determine the
following;-
The cost- who will pay?

Approximately how many sessions will be needed to work through the problem.

Most counseling last 50-10 one-hour sessions. It depends on you and client.

Experience and the motivation of your client/s also counts.

If it is successive session, deal with one of the goals set, summarise what has been learnt, give
homework and end the session. Try to deal with one goal in one session to avoid mixing up issues.

Question for Discussion

Is it possible to keep to one-hour in the African setting where people are generally not time-bound? It
will depend on you as the counselor to set the standard for your client/s. whatever the time you decide
to assign to your session, ensure that you leave your client on a hopeful note.

Termination of Counseling

Termination

Other terms can be used e.g. closure, winding up, saying Good-bye, Ending the counseling relationship
neatly and saying Good-bye. We must prepare the client/s and be ready for it. Premature or overdue
termination can have adverse effects on the client.

A good counselor will know when it is time to end the counseling Relationship, avoid encouraging over-
dependence on you and you alone. Aim at producing people who will continue to grow in health
whether you are there or not.

There is much sadness and grief in saying good bye.

In counseling relationship, the counselor and the counselee develop a treasured relationship which must
be handled carefully at termination. Both of you must be prepared for:

Letting go. It is right to say good-bye and not:

Kick out. Do not eject your client/s before they are ready for it.

These two must be balanced.

What to look for before Termination

1. Symptomatic improvement- the symptoms which the client/s had are disappearing.
2. A heightened capacity for non-destructive pleasure especially in inter-personal relationships.
Client/s has/have more interest in other people than pre-occupation with their problems.
3. Greater comfort with acknowledgment and expression of emotions in relation to self, and
others. They feel freer to express inner feelings.
4. A capacity to even laugh at self. Feels comfortable with the facts of why they are. They have a
higher degree of self-acceptance and a sense of responsibility.
5. Has a more objective attitude towards the counselor. Is more cooperative in doing assignments
and feels a sense of freedom with the counselor.
6. Is more flexible and tolerant.
In sum, they are in apposition where they are coping better with self, others and environment.

10 Techniques for Termination

1. The counselor introduces the idea of termination. The counselor gently encourages the
client to rely on themselves instead of the counselor. Gradually the client/s separate from
counselor but keep an open, friendly relationship.
2. Counselee/s inquires about termination. The counselor should not feel threatened. Discuss
with the counselee/s issues that still require work. Agree to reduce frequency of counseling
sessions. Deal with issues that require attention and then terminate.
3. Interminable counseling- this refers to counselees who need much support for most of their
life. They require support counseling. Where this is the case reduce frequency of counseling,
and as in 2 above, deal with issues when they come but gradually encourage termination.
You can give permission to keep in touch with you if when need arises.

Unfortunate endings:-
a) Termination after unsuccessful attempts at counseling. This comes where a therapeutic
relationship was not established. If you find that you are not getting anywhere with the
client, suggest termination.
b) Forced termination- This must be done on account of the counselor’s or client’s illness,
change of location or death.

5 Get acquainted with the art of saying good-bye/dealing with grief and loss.
The Art of saying Good-bye involves 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and
acceptance.

Denial
This involves shock, disbelief, panic, numbness, refusal to accept what has happened or is
going to happen. One hangs on the belief that the lost object has not quite gone but will
return. This is refusing to let go what we have lost or are about to lose.

To help a person in this stage, every effort must be made to break the denial. This is done
through encouraging the client to relive the trauma/difficult event or loss. At times
reminders of the event or lost object must be produced in order to bring to awareness the
acceptance of what has happened.
In a counseling Relationship, the client must be gently told that they are doing well and that
it is in their best interest that counseling stops for a while. You can even point out some of
the positive changes you have observed as a result of counseling.

Anger
Here, the client is angry about what has happened or is about to happen. They ask so many
times why this has happened to them and not anybody else. A client might feel that you are
the only good thing that has happened to them and that it is unfair that they lose you now.
If they were involved in what brought about their problem, they might be very angry at
themselves for being so foolish as to bring themselves to their situation. They may be mad
at any other people who might have been involved in bringing about the problem. At times,
and quite often, they may be mad at God for allowing what has happened or is happening to
them.
This anger can take various forms like: irrational behavior/outbursts like irritability towards
unsuspecting others or objects, even every other person around them. Anti-social behaviors
like refusing to speak, keeping to one self and an insatiable commitment to revenge. It can
also manifest in uncontrollable crying. Sometimes, they set out on a mission to mete out
punishment on themselves or others to pay for the loss they are experiencing.
As a counselor, you must try to help your client manage their anger in constructive ways
instead of destructive ones. You do this by helping them:

Acknowledge that they are angry and it is alright to feel angry. Do not try to minimize this
and deodorize it away.
Lead them to identify the cause/s or source/s of their anger. Let them name them.
Guide them into expressing their anger at these targets one by one. Each person or situation
that has caused the anger must be addressed separately. Allow them to express what they
feel about the offending party. Validate these feelings and do not discourage them. Some
clients might not be able to express their anger in words. Teach them how to write “The
letter that is never sent”. For some clients, it easier to say what they wish to say on paper.
Allow them to do so. After expression of these feelings, you can then explain that they
voluntarily let go and forgive the offending person. Do not rush to the talk on forgiveness
until the client/s are ready for it. If it takes long to get there, be patient.

Bargaining
In bargaining, the client engages in buying time by making unrealistic promises, pledges or
resolutions to change. Some people get involved in good deeds with the hope that God will
be pleased with them and allow things to get better. Some can even become over-religious
and promise to change their moral lives if things get better and they get off the hook.
People at this stage need to be handled very carefully so that they do not make irrational
decisions based on the emotion of the hour. A good counselor should be very careful not
exploit the client/s for their own benefit at this very vulnerable time.
Depression
At this stage, the client realizes that the event/situation has actually happened or is going to
happen and cannot be reversed. When this happens, sadness follows as one realizes that
things can’t change. Mourning takes place at this time. There is a feeling of hopelessness
and despair. They may withdraw from others and retreat into seclusion. They may cry a lot.
Others might find it hard to eat or sleep. If it gets serious, medical care might be advised to
avoid being overwhelmed.

Acceptance
At this point the client comes to a realistic acceptance of the situation the way it is and
begins to work out ways/strategies of how to cope better in the new circumstances e.g. how
to live without the lost object. Healthy acceptance involves trust, hope and not merely stoic
resignation. One resumes life’s activities and life goes on.

Note
These stages may not always occur in this order. Whatever the order, a counselor must help
their client arrive at the stage of acceptance for healthy living.
If it is the termination is on account of the fact that the situation is best handled by another
professional, do a referral