Pillars of a Muslim Home

Part I

Introduction
Islam gives great importance to family life and laying foundations of a ‘Muslim Home.’ A
Muslim home comprises of family ties based on nikah, parentage, siblings and the helpers,
certain societies also have in laws living in the same home as well. The Pillars of the Muslim
home are ideals, values, norms and legislations firmly founded upon the Book of allah, the
sunnah of His messenger, the practice of the righteous predecessors and the implied Islamic
culture carried by them all.
Pillars of the Muslim Home
1. Husband as the head of the family.
Although Islam defines the basic family unit, beginning with the husband and his wife(s) and
their children, other close relatives do play an important part Islamic household. Islam gives
authority to the husband, who is the man of the house, the imam and care-taker of the affairs
within and outside the house. Henceforth he is the foundational head of the family and Muslim
home and the rest are under him in status and hierarchy. This is the prime concept, the only
familial dogma for success of the family in Muslim home a moral patriarchal system. Other
alternative systems are bound to fail, collapse or meet declining ends.
َ ِّ ٞ َ ٌ َ َ ُ َ ۡۚ ‫ى‬ ْ ُ َ ‫ٓ ى‬ ‫َى‬ َ ُ ‫ٱلن َس ٓاء ب َما َفض َل ه‬
ِّ ‫ِّ َ ُ َ َّٰ ُ َ َ ى‬
‫ض َو ِب َما أنفقوا ِم ۡن أ ۡم َ َّٰو ِل ِه ۡم فٱلصََّّٰٰ َِّٰل َح َََّّّٰٰٰت ق ََّّٰٰ َِّٰنت َََّّّٰٰٰت َح ََّّٰٰ َِّٰفظ َََّّّٰٰٰت للغ ۡي ِب ِب َما‬
ٖ ‫ٱَّلل َب ۡعض ُه ۡم ع ََّٰل َب ۡع‬ ِ ِ ‫ٱلرجال قو مون عَل‬
‫ه‬
َ‫ٱَّلل‬ ۗ‫َ ا‬ ۡ ‫َ ۡ ُ ُ َ ۡ َ َۡ ُۡ ََ َُۡ ْ َى‬ ‫ى‬ َّۖ َ َ ۡ ُ ُ ُ ۡ َ ُ ُ َ ُ َ ُ ُ َ ُ َ َ َّٰ َ ُۡۚ ‫َ ى ه‬
‫ٱضبوهن ف ِإن أطعنكم فَل تبغوا علي ِهن س ِبيَل ِإن‬ ِ ‫اج ِع و‬ ِ ‫ٱَّلل وٱل َّٰ ِ يَّٰت تخافون نشوزهن ف ِعظوهن وٱهجروهن ِ يف ٱلمض‬ ‫حفظ‬
ّٗ ‫ى ِ َ َ ّٗ ى‬
٣٤ ‫كان ع ِليا ك ِب ريا‬
34. Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others
and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding
the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish
them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not
seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great.
Surah Nisaa 4:34
The verse speaks on the backbone of the Muslim Family, the head of the house being the
husband or the man in general. Men are made superior, hence authoritative and more power is
vested on them due to their responsibility of earning livelihood. Men are maintainers, mentors,
leaders of women and those who teach, instruct and discipline their women for the running of a
family smoothly.
Men by nature, physically, sociologically, emotionally and financially are more capable then
women. All matters of livelihood, progress and achievement be it business, politics, medicine,
engineering, warfare, economics, education are governed and run by men predominantly.
History stands witness, that men have dominated, led and progressed in all these spheres in all
human civilizations till date. Although women have made contributions to these fields, their
contribution is limited, confined to a few demeanors and cannot be considered as a noteworthy
substitute for their male counterparts. The reason is because women have other roles to fulfill,
mainly being the helpers, supporters and deputies under their menfolk. These roles are defined
by the Islamic law, sanctioned by the innate nature of human sociology as well as accepted by
human logic and testimonies from human civilization.
The Superiority Dilemma
The feminist outlook of today makes one dart over the oft pondered question “who is more
superior- man or woman? welcoming an answer of ‘equality of the two genders’ at the least. The
answer to this question should never be problematic for a Muslim, since ultimately the status of
person does not depend upon gender, but upon his faith.
َ ٌ َ َ‫ه‬
١٣ ‫ي‬ٞ ‫يم خ ِب ر‬
ۡۚ ُ َ ۡ ‫َ ى ۡ َ َّٰ ُ ِّ َ ى َ ُ ََ َّٰ َ َ َ َ َّٰ ُ ۡ ُ ُ ّٗ َ َ َ ٓ َ َ َ َ ُ َٰٓ ْۚۡ ى َ َ ُ ۡ َ ه ى‬
‫ٱَّلل أتق َّٰىك ۡم ِإن ٱَّلل ع ِل‬ ُ ‫َيَٰٓ ََّّٰٰ ىأ ُّي َها ٱلن‬
ِ ‫اس ِإنا خلقن ََّّٰٰكم من ذك ٖر وأنت وجعلن ََّّٰٰكم شعوبا وقبا ِئل ِلتعارفوا ِإن أ كرمكم ِعند‬
13. O you men! surely We have created you of a male and a female, and made you tribes and
families that you may know each other; surely the most honorable of you with Allah is the one
among you most careful (of his duty); surely Allah is Knowing, Aware. Surah Hujurat
Allah is the Creator and He cannot be questioned but we are accountable for our actions being
fallible creation.
َ ُ ُ ۡ َ َ
٢٣ ‫َل ُي ۡس ُل عما َيف َع ُل َوه ۡم ُي ۡسلون‬
23. He cannot be questioned concerning what He does and they shall be questioned. Surah Anbiya
Henceforth we realize that Allah creates what He wills, amongst His creation are things better
and superior and amongst others are lesser than that. The classic paradigm being the creation of
Adam. Satan took objection to prostrate to Adam considering himself superior than Adam.
Hence, Satan fell into disbelief, sin and transgression due to his attribution of fault to Allah that
Allah has bestowed honor on Adam which He didn’t bestow on Satan. We are not followers of
Satan in his footsteps but the servant of Allah humbling ourselves to His will and subservient to
His commands.
2. Remembrance of Allah at Home
The Home is the place for thriving of the family, the soil in which plants, sprouts and seedlings
grow and mature to bloom into sturdy trees. This soil should be fertile, maintained well and
protected from weeds and the like. The home should have remembrance of Allah in all its
proximities. The values, virtues, behavior and daily habits should be centric to remembrance of
Allah. All that corrupts, invites displeasure of Allah, breaks his commandments or leads to doing
so should be blocked.
‫ح‬ِّ َ ‫يه َم َث ُل ْال‬ ُ َّ ُ َ ْ ُ َ َّ ُ َّ ‫ال َم َث ُل ْال َب ْيت َّالذي ُي ْذ َك ُر‬
ْ َ ْ َ ‫اَّلل ف‬ َ ‫اَّلل َع ىل ْيه َو َس هل َم َق‬
ُ ‫ت َص هَل ه‬ َ ‫َع ْن ىأب ُم‬
ِّ ‫وس َع ْن الن‬
‫ي‬ ِ ‫يه والبي ِت ال ِذي َل يذكر اَّلل ِف‬ِ ِ ِ ِ ِ ‫ِي‬ ‫ْ ِي‬
‫َوال َم ِّي ِت‬

Abu Musa reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The parable of the
house in which Allah is remembered and the house in which Allah is not remembered is that of
the living and the dead. Ṣaḥ i ̄ḥ al-Bukhārī 6044, Ṣaḥ ih̄ ̣ Muslim 779
The hadith emphasizes the importance of remembrance of Allah like salah, recitation of the
quran, adkar, islamic gatherings and the like. Fortiori, the practice of Islam and what the book of
Allah and Sunnah legislates has more right to be established so.
Salah & its perfection at home
The most important remembrance of Allah is the salah, for the very purpose of salah is His
remembrance. The salah should be performed punctually by all members of the family including
the young. The Muslim men should perform the fardh at mosque, but establishes the sunnah and
nawafil at home as means of remembering Allah at home and teaching their families. It is very
useful method of inspiring those under them and leading them in Salah instills values of
obedience and respect as well.
Salah should be offered in a place without pictures for they should never be kept in the house at
all, a place which is clean and suitable. There should be no decorations around, no sounds or
other disturbances which may disrupt the salah or weaken the khushu(humility and
concentration).
Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her):The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
prayed in a garment that had markings, and he glanced at its markings. When he finished praying,
he said: “Take this garment of mine to Abu Jahm, and bring me the plain garment of Abu Jahm,
because it distracted me just now when I was praying.” - Saheeh Bukhaari (373)
Recitation of quran especially the surah Baqarah should be a practice as well

3. Atmosphere of faith at home

The home should be founded on the pillars of obedience of Allah and His messenger. The head
of the family, the man or the husband should take care of establishing the commandments of
Allah and prohibit all that which earns His displeasure
Abdullah ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian
and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for
them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible
for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible
for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” Ṣaḥ i ̄ḥ al-Bukhāri ̄
6719, Ṣaḥ i ̄ḥ Muslim 1829.
It may so happen that close family relatives like siblings, parents and their family may live
together and the ultimate authority of the household may get marginalized. Many a times the
children and womenfolk are influenced negatively by their extended family members over whom
the husband/father has no authority or control to discipline them. The ideal and best way
proposed in islam is to have separate homes if possible so that the man is complete- in charge of
the house, his wife too has complete control over his children to discipline them. Moreover,
issues of privacy, family secrets and other such important decisions are kept within family and
dealt with properly as compared to a joint family household.
4. Duty-bound nature of the members
The members of the household should realize that they have been placed responsibilities not by
the society but by Allah, the Law-giver the Creator to Whom all is our return. Henceforth we
have accepted relationship like nikah as trust from Allah. The fulfilling of these duties is highly
rewarded and forsaking it is means of destruction in this world and here-after. The Muslim
husband and wife are the basic unit of family and upon them rest the legal of their progeny,
hence being dutiful towards each other and their family is crucial for an islamic home.

٢٧ َ‫سو َل َوت َ ُخونُ َٰٓواْ أ َ َمنَتِ ُك ۡم َوأَنت ُ ۡم ت َعۡ لَ ُمون‬ َّ ‫َٰٓيَأَيُّ َها ٱلَّذِينَ َءا َمنُواْ ََل ت َ ُخونُواْ ٱ َّّللَ َوٱ‬
ُ ‫لر‬
27. O you who believe! be not unfaithful to Allah and the Messenger, nor be unfaithful to
your trusts while you know. Surah Anfal

The Muslim husband should realize that he is the imam of the house, the leader and the one who
is obeyed. He should lead more through his virtue, dutifulness and fear of Alllah with justice
rather than expect obedience through mere show of undue force and temper. He should fulfill
his obligations towards those under him with justice and taqwa. He should not fear anyone while
enjoining the good and forbidding evil, never should be fall lax or ‘leave the evil be’ upon
witnessing it, since this is the greatest recipe for disaster. He is given the “qawaama” or authority
to disciple his wife and should do so. Neither love nor weakness should be a reason to spoil his
wife or children letting them indulge in haram or letting them scot free for not fulfilling their
obligations. The man is responsible for teaching his wife the deen. He should look to her affairs
both worldly and especially the deen. The man should overlook his wives’ wealth, and personal
well-being , correct her when she falls short, see to her daily affairs administering them in a way
most beneficial for the entire family. Regular classes at home with books, naseeha sessions
especially every night are a vital means of establishing a good family. The prophet of Allah would
visit his wives talk to them and look to their affairs as well during the day time.

narrated that Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

When the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) married Zaynab bint Jahsh he
offered a wedding feast of bread and meat. I was sent to invite people to the meal; some people
would come and eat, then leave, then more people would come and eat, then leave, I called
people until I could no longer find anyone to invite, then I said: O Prophet of Allah, I cannot find
anyone else to invite. He said: “Clear away the food.” Three people remained in the house, talking.
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) went out and went to the apartment of
‘Aa’ishah, where he said: “Peace be upon you, O people of the household, and the mercy of Allah.”
She said: And upon you be peace and the mercy of Allah; how did you find your wife, may Allah
bless you? He visited the apartments of all of his wives, one after another, and said to them the
same as he had said to ‘Aa’ishah, and they responded as ‘Aa’ishah had responded.
The report narrated by Muslim says: He went around to his wives and greeted each one of them,
saying: “Peace be upon you, how are you, O members of the household?” And they would say:
“We are fine, O Messenger of Allah. How did you find your wife?” And he said: “Fine.” Sahih
Bukhaari (4793), Muslim (87)

The prophet would do that habitually after asr as well. There are hadith mentioning the wives of
the prophet asking question on deen to him and he responding.
The rights of the husband are amongst the most important and crucial to fulfil. Almost all
calamities in families, causing the destruction of this life and here-after are rooted in marital
disputes, mainly rebellion against husband. The woman should obey and submit to her husband’s
command if it is not disobedience to Allah and His messenger, serve him, look to care-taking of
the home and his children , as this is a trust given to her by Allah, the Law-giver.
Epilogue
The Muslim family finds its strength and purpose through fulfilling the legislation of Allah. The
commands of Allah have come to give us success in this world and here-after. Any sociological
system other than Sha’riah is bound to prove a catastrophe. The foundations of a Muslim home
begin from obedience to its leader the man of the house, establishing remembrance of Allah at
home and then strengthening the home with the obedience of Allah and His messenger. Insha
Allah more to follow in the upcoming articles