Let's define fun

The central message of the Temple of Fun is Fun. We like to keep things simple.
However, in order to know what constitutes fun, we need a working definition. This definition
will serve as our charter, constitution, catechism, bible and holy word. Notice we didn't say
commandments there. I think Suggestions would be more appropriate.
First we lay the groundwork. The universe, aka god, is the result of billions of years of
evolution, having started with nothing and intent on returning to nothing eventually. Nothing is
debatable - there may be more than one form of nothing out there. We choose to think of nothing
as the prior state of something. Out of nothing came something. This is impossible, but did
happen. We can call this a miracle, and trace our evolution back to this time.
Because this universe/god came from a single point of nothing, we can agree without
argument that all things are descended from it. That being self-evident, we can conclude that not
only have we descended from lemurs, but are distant cousins with toads, helium and the Crab
Nebula. The universe is all the same stuff, and we are little puddles of stuff. Stuff is good.
Since the universe is one, and we are one with the universe, we are one with god. It's just the
transitive property of arithmetic we learnt in grade three. I am god, you are god, pickles are god.
The property of stuff is godhood.
For some reason, we as the human stuff of the universe/god are obsessed with finding
meaning in things. We must know why, for what purpose, for whose benefit. The meaning of
Cheez Whiz is obvious: economic gain, to spread on celery, for no-ones benefit except the
producers who are apparently immune to the five types of stomach cancer caused by the gooey
orange stuff. The meaning of life is not so obvious.
The problem is much easier to solve when we remember that we are one with the universe,
and therefore one with god. The meaning of our life is the meaning of the universe. The purpose
of our life is the purpose of god. Are you with me so far?
I get this warm fuzzy cuddly feeling when I think about this. All those poor religious slobs out
there who feel a need to let god be their 'master' or they'll be victims of the genocide at the end of
history are living in fear and darkness, but know it not. I don't have to let anyone be my king, or
master, or other form of bondage and servitude. I am god, and my only duty is to act in a godly
way.
Fine, says the other guy. What is the godly way?
To answer that, I must have some idea what the universe wants from us. I must know what the
universe invented me for. I get a clue from the behaviour of the hum-ants who surround me: we
are happiest when we do what we are designed to do.
So what are we designed to do? How do we fulfil that design, to be happy?
We start by figuring out what the best thing about the universe is, and learn to 'be' that thing.
If the best thing in the universe is turnips, then in order to fulfil our cosmic programming, we
must aim at turniphood.
I put it to you that turnips are not the best thing in the universe. The best thing in the universe
is...wait for it...here it comes...Fun!
By its very definition, the greatest experience we can have is Fun. I can hear my rabbi
spinning in his grave. "There is more to life than fun, Adam," I can hear him say. "There is
prayer, right-thinking and acting, compassion, hard work, charity..."
I agree, says I. Those are all good things. Prayer is fun. Right-thinking is fun. Compassion is
fun. Hard work may is fun. Charity is fun.
Let me explain.
 Prayer is meant to lead somewhere. The lowest form of prayer is that of the "I want a pony"
type. For a child, even anticipating a pony is fun. In adults, who have a more sophisticated form
of prayer, the goal is fulfilment, strength, enlightenment and unity with the One, among other
things. Achieving these objectives brings joy and happiness. Joy and happiness are fun.
Right-thinking means avoiding evil and depraved thoughts in favour of good and pure
thoughts. There are definitely some people who believe that evil is fun. Those people are a virus
and should be eliminated from the gene pool - more on that later. For the rest of us, thinking evil
thoughts is hard and unpleasant. It feels unnatural. Even when we're mad, we can't keep it up for
long. If Mr. Muckyfoot falls down and breaks a leg immediately after we wish that he would
break a leg, we feel monumentally guilty. We don't really want Mr. Muckyfoot to fall down at
all. Guilt is not fun. Being angry is not fun. Being evil is not fun. Wrong-thinking is not fun,
because fun is natural and wrong-thinking is not. Those of us, and there are more than three, who
spend a great deal of time thinking depraved thoughts may be having fun for a while, but we all
know the end to that tale: addiction, violence, short-life span, a premature end to fun. For fun to
be Fun, it must be rationed and controlled to some degree. As for the rest of 'right-thinking', like
not having fun, that is called right-thinking, but the arguments for what makes it right are weak.
Not having fun is unnatural. Right-thinking is natural. Therefore, right-thinking done right is fun.
The fun inherent in compassion is too obvious to need a great deal of explanation. That which
emphasizes unity is fun. That which emphasizes isolation is not fun. That's why they punish
people with solitary confinement, or sitting in the bad corner. Compassion is the desire that all
should share health, wealth, sanity and enlightenment (I love that word). We should all share in
the joy. We should all have fun.
Now give me a hard one.
Hard work, you say. That's not fun. In spite of the Judeo-Christian work ethic, in which we
are admonished to find joy in tedium and labour, we all know that work is not fun, or it would be
called fun, not work. Those of us, the rare few, who have chosen well and have followed a lucky
path may truly enjoy work. Those people are having fun already, and we drop them from the
discussion. The rest of us schmoes, who peddle pancakes for a living, or haul obese men in
rickshaws, don't have fun at work. They just do it. Why do they do it? Because they must live,
and their loved ones must live. Shelter, food, clothing, a little porn...these are the things all
people require, except the porn, which may be just me. These things cost money. We know that
someone whose entire life is spent just achieving shelter, food and clothing is not having fun. In
order to have fun, that person has to work harder, make more money, and add fun to the list.
Hard work is not fun, but we do it, in large part, because the fruits of our efforts may someday
include fun. But what about all those people who are already wealthy and living in luxury, and
are yet driven to struggle every day with the demons that prod their skinny beige asses onward?
They are the funless people, who have given up fun for the obsessions of money, power, or
status. These things are much sought after, but they are not fun. Hard work should lead to fun. If
it doesn't, you are wrong-thinking. So I admit that hard work is in most cases not fun. And you
admit, that for the vast majority of us, we don't get to have fun without doing some hard work
first. Hard work and fun are first cousins, even if they don't always get along with each other.
And charity...that most Christian of values. Too easy again. Charity is the military wing of
compassion. It is force applied to the desire that all may share in goodness. Goodness is fun.
Here's a list of things that are fun: joy, happiness, ecstasy, orgasm, love, satisfaction, peace,
brotherhood/sisterhood, reproduction, belugas, calm, acceptance, food, freedom, self-esteem,
friendship, equality, holiness, celebration, women in black panties, warmth, beaches, beauty,
imagination, music, wit, communication, long walks under a sunset sky, pina coladas and
cuddling by a fire. Every single one of these things is fun. There are many fun things missing
from this list, of course, but the idea is there.
Onward. These things are fun. All good things seem to be fun. Fun things seem to be good.
Some people will tell you that some of the things on this list, probably orgasm, belugas and
women in black panties, are not fun. They are liars. They are people who don't know how to
have fun, or who hate fun, or have been taught to revile fun by people in positions of power who
know that in order to control people you must take away their fun and replace it with fear and
self-loathing, so you can sell them on a perverted idea of fun, usually involving a collection
plate, intolerance and self-denial, and frequently punctuated by violence and stupidity. Cows are
not allowed to have fun - they might jump the fence and not let themselves be eaten.
But we weren't just talking about fun. We were talking about Fun. Let's get back to that. We
know what fun is now, so what's with the big F?
It is my sincere contention that Fun is the sum total of fun in its myriad forms; fun is what we
small mammals can have, and Fun is the sacred aspiration of our lives. We may never achieve
the Buddhahood of Fun, but we may choose the path of Enlightened Fun, and have fun trying to
achieve true Fun. When we achieve true Fun, we are, with every particle of our being,
consciously and emotionally one with the universe. We are small reflections of the universe. The
universe is a large reflection of us. The object of the universe is the same as our own.
The object of the universe is Fun. The meaning of life is Fun. The path to enlightenment is
fun.
The universe, of course, is not conscious in the way that we are. It is a mechanism as well as
an entity - a process. Its wants are expressed as quantum actions and displayed as radiation and
matter. It didn't wake up one Thursday morning and decide that oatmeal is fun. So what? Look at
your guinea pig (what do you mean you don't have a guinea pig). It has wants, volition, goals,
desires. It has a very limited idea of fun. If a guinea pig, a non-conscious creature, can have
wants, so can the greatest of non-conscious creatures.
The universe is a big place. Surely, with all that goes on in the universe, somehow its wants
may eventually be filled. What are its wants? All together now: Fun!
But that's not good enough. For fun to be Fun, it must be experienced. The more conscious the
entity experiencing it, the more fun that entity is capable of. For the universe to have Fun, it must
have consciousness. What a coincidence! We are the universe, we like to have fun, we are
conscious: the universe has invented a way for itself to have fun. We are the manifestation of the
universe's unconscious desire to have fun. It is our job to have fun, that the universe, through us,
can be made conscious of its fun. Have you never heard it said that prayer is celebration?
Celebration is fun. Joy is fun. Bliss is fun. These are the highest forms of prayer. What is prayer?
The method by which humans express their desire for oneness with the universe. What is the
object of the universe? Fun. Fun is prayer, prayer is fun, and leads to Fun. Fun is our goal, our
desire, the yearning of our hearts. And not just any fun: CONSCIOUS fun.
There is a qualifier, of course. Fun is not simply a matter of individual fun. Fun is a
communal experience. Two people having fun is more than twice the fun of one person having
fun. A thousand people having fun is exponentially more fun than two people having fun. A
hundred million people having fun is immeasurably greater fun than any thousand people could
make. Everybody having fun would be like every orgasm in history rolled up into a donut and
eaten by the entire population of earth every minute of every day from now until the heat death
of the universe. If you are not having fun, my capacity for fun is limited. This is why selfish fun
is inferior. Heroin may be orgasmic, but is not fun, and contains its own punishment for those
who use it, passing fun falsely. Breaking things may be fun for an individual, but it is a rude,
boring fun. Leading people astray with anti-fun sermons and false deities may be fun for a few,
but are not fun for all, and frequently lead to misery. For fun to be a path to true Fun, all must
share in it.
When I write a poem, or my beloved makes a bowl, we are adding beauty to the universe, we
are having fun, and giving fun to all. We follow the path of Fun. When we make love, we are
giving each other joy and ecstasy, elevating our moods and making us interact more positively
with those around us. Our fun makes us able to bestow more fun on our world.
Thus my manifesto: The highest prayer is fun. The highest fun is conscious fun. Conscious
fun is the path to enlightenment. The goal of enlightenment is unity. Unity is Fun.
Have fun, and step wisely on the road to Fun. I love you all (love is fun).