1

00:00:02,735 --> 00:00:04,669

[ Announcer ]
From television city
in Hollywood.

2
00:00:04,737 --> 00:00:08,006
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

3
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:11,710
♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪

4
00:00:11,777 --> 00:00:15,580
♪ guys like us
we had it made ♪

5
00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:18,783
[ together ]
♪ those were the days ♪

6
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:23,287
♪ and you knew
where you were then ♪

7
00:00:23,355 --> 00:00:27,325
[ Archie ]
♪ girls were girls
and men were men ♪

8
00:00:27,392 --> 00:00:29,327
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ mister, we could use a man ♪

9
00:00:29,394 --> 00:00:34,666
♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪

10
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:37,568
[ Archie ]
♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪

11
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:41,106
[ Edith ]
♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪

12
00:00:41,173 --> 00:00:45,276
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ gee, our old lasalle
ran great ♪

13
00:00:45,344 --> 00:00:51,683
♪ those were the days ♪

14
00:01:01,593 --> 00:01:03,528
Gloria,
I hurried back.

15
00:01:03,595 --> 00:01:05,964
Good. You can
take out the garbage.

16
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:08,967
Garbage is not exactly
what I had in mind.
Come here.

17
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:10,969
No, not now, Michael.
Why not ?

18
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:13,972
I want everything ready
for when the folks
get back from church.

19
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,474
It's different, isn't it ?
An anniversary brunch.

20
00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:19,477
Your mother'll love it,
but your father, he doesn't
care about anniversaries.

21
00:01:19,545 --> 00:01:23,481
You had to pick out the present
for him to give to your mother,
I had to get the card,

22
00:01:23,549 --> 00:01:25,984
and he doesn't know
about any of this.

23
00:01:26,052 --> 00:01:28,987
What do you think he's gonna
do when he finds out ?
He'll have a fit.

24
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:31,823
But then,
he wouldn't get her anything,
and it'll make mom's day.

25
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:34,826
What are you
running away from me ?
Come here.

26
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,828
[ Giggling ]
Gloria.

27
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,831
Gloria, we have been
living with your folks
since we're married.

28
00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:41,866
We don't get the house
alone much.

29
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:44,669
Oh, we're not alone.
Lionel's upstairs.

30
00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:47,672
Lionel ? Why ?
He's fixing the portable tv
for dad.

31
00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:49,674
[ Groans ]

32
00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:53,678
He's gonna take the present,
get some fresh-cut flowers
and deliver them together,

33
00:01:53,746 --> 00:01:55,680
just to make it
more romantic.

34
00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:57,682
Set's good as new,
Gloria.

35
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,684
How's it goin', Mike ?
Hey, Lionel.

36
00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,686
[ Gloria ]
I'll get the present.

37
00:02:01,754 --> 00:02:05,190
So what's new on campus
with all you angry,
white social democrats ?

38
00:02:05,257 --> 00:02:07,291
Oh, we're
shakin' 'em up.
Okay.

39
00:02:07,359 --> 00:02:09,293
Hey, uh, where's
your father-in-law ?

40
00:02:09,361 --> 00:02:11,295
He's at church.
Good.

41
00:02:11,363 --> 00:02:14,298
Why ? Is he still
givin' you a hard time ?
I'm used to him by now.

42
00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:17,802
You know his latest kick ?
Askin' me what I'm gonna be
when I get to college.

43
00:02:17,870 --> 00:02:22,040
He likes to hear me say,
"I'm gon' be
a 'lectrical engineer."

44
00:02:23,408 --> 00:02:26,344
-You say that for him ?
-Give the people what they want.

45
00:02:26,411 --> 00:02:29,013
How else do I get to become
an electrical engineer ?

46
00:02:29,081 --> 00:02:32,016
Okay, Lionel,
here's the present
and the card.

47
00:02:32,084 --> 00:02:36,121
And mom likes just about
any kind of flowers.
Will a dollar be enough ?

48
00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:39,423
Where I get my flowers,
this represents
a buck profit.

49
00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:41,926
Hey, see you.
Yeah.

50
00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:44,595
Bye, Lionel.
See ya, Lionel.

51
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:47,598
All right, now, Michael,
promise me something.

52
00:02:47,666 --> 00:02:50,101
For today,
for their 22nd anniversary,

53
00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:52,603
no fighting with daddy,
okay ?

54
00:02:52,671 --> 00:02:54,605
Okay.
Thank you.

55
00:03:12,724 --> 00:03:15,193
No, not now.
I don't have any time.

56
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:18,329
They don't get out of church
till 11:30.

57
00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:21,332
It's a ten-minute walk.
We got time to spare.
Not now, Michael.

58
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,334
I've got too much
on my mind.

59
00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:26,337
It's one little thing more.
It's not gonna hurt.

60
00:03:26,405 --> 00:03:28,840
We have to be downstairs
to yell "surprise !"

61
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:31,843
They'll be downstairs.
Let them yell "surprise !"

62
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:33,845
For their own anniversary ?

63
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:35,847
Come here.

64
00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:39,350
If you don't like what I do,
what do you bring me there for ?

65
00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:41,853
I'm not gonna quarrel
with ya, Archie.

66
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:45,857
This may be the fourth time
in 22 years you've
been to church with me,

67
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:48,860
so I'm grateful
for the half a sermon
we sat through.
68
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:51,963
Half a sermon
was plenty.

69
00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:54,465
He said
all I wanted to hear.

70
00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:58,236
And I been to church
more than 4 times
in 22 years too.

71
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,238
Well, maybe it's six times.

72
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:03,474
Seven, if you want
to include the time
we was married in church.

73
00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:07,478
Look, I don't wanna
make no world war III
out of this.

74
00:04:07,546 --> 00:04:09,480
What do you call all this ?

75
00:04:09,548 --> 00:04:12,984
The table's all set,
with the good glasses and all.

76
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:15,854
Oh !
It's for our anniversary.

77
00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:17,856
Look, Archie.

78
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:20,358
Gloria and Mike,
they've made us a brunch.

79
00:04:20,425 --> 00:04:22,360
A what ?
A brunch.
80
00:04:22,427 --> 00:04:25,363
A brunch. It figures.
She's readin'
<i>Cosmopolitan</i> again.

81
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,904
[ Giggles ]
Hi !

82
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,839
You're early.

83
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:40,011
So are you.

84
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,148
We were just gonna go
sit down over there.
Yeah, I'll bet.

85
00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:47,285
11:10 on a Sunday mornin',
Edith.

86
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:52,190
[ Together ]
♪ happy anniversary to you
happy anniversary to you ♪

87
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:55,593
♪ happy anniversary
dear mom and dad ♪
♪ dear mom and daddy ♪

88
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:58,429
♪ happy anniversary
to you ♪

89
00:04:58,497 --> 00:05:01,933
oh, my.
Archie, ain't this nice ?

90
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:05,603
Yeah. Five minutes more,
we woulda got it remote
from the bedroom.
91
00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:10,775
Gee, mom.
Would you tell him
it's normal ?

92
00:05:10,842 --> 00:05:12,777
Oh, Archie.

93
00:05:12,844 --> 00:05:17,282
Why do you wanna pick on 'em
when you just had
such a nice surprise ?

94
00:05:17,349 --> 00:05:20,285
They was the ones
that had the surprise.

95
00:05:22,687 --> 00:05:26,757
Used to be the daylight hours
was reserved for
the respectable things of life.

96
00:05:26,825 --> 00:05:29,760
Certain things
are no different now
than they ever were.

97
00:05:29,828 --> 00:05:32,263
What are you talkin' about ?
In my day--

98
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:34,432
get your feet
off that furniture !

99
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:38,602
In my day, we was able
to keep certain things...

100
00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,305
In the proper
"suspective."

101
00:05:42,374 --> 00:05:44,309
Take keepin' company,
for instance.

102
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:47,812
When your mother-in-law
and me was going together,
it was two whole years--

103
00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:51,049
we never-- I nev--
I mean, there was nothin'.

104
00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:54,052
I mean, absolutely nothin'.
Not till the wedding night.

105
00:05:54,119 --> 00:05:56,587
Yeah.
And even then--

106
00:06:05,730 --> 00:06:09,167
here we are.
We have orange juice in here,
then go in there for brunch.

107
00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:11,502
My, my.
How fancy.
[ Chuckles ]

108
00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:14,505
All right, all right.
Leave it there, huh ?
<i>Cosmopolitan.</i>

109
00:06:14,573 --> 00:06:17,508
Oh, daddy, stop it.
I think it's very today.

110
00:06:17,576 --> 00:06:23,014
That's right. The in crowd
never has a whole meal
in one room anymore.

111
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,351
Well,
that's what they say.

112
00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:28,353
You're a pip.
You know that ?
113
00:06:29,421 --> 00:06:31,189
A real pip.

114
00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:34,792
You're married
22 years today, daddy.

115
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:36,794
So talk real nice
to mom, okay ?

116
00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:40,798
Listen, little girl,
you just go on and mind
your own beeswax.

117
00:06:40,866 --> 00:06:42,800
Heh ?

118
00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:44,802
And pull that skirt down.

119
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:48,339
Every time you sit down
in one of them things,
the mystery's over.

120
00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:53,511
What the hell is it nowadays ?
Will you tell me ?

121
00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:57,015
Girls with skirts up to here,
guys with hair down to there.

122
00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:59,517
I stopped in the gents' room
the other day.

123
00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:02,520
So help me,
there was a guy in there
with a ponytail.

124
00:07:02,587 --> 00:07:04,522
My heart nearly
turned over in me.
125
00:07:04,589 --> 00:07:07,191
I thought I was
in the wrong toilet.

126
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,828
Why fight it ?
The world's changing.

127
00:07:10,896 --> 00:07:14,298
That's right. That's
what the reverend feltcher
was sayin'.

128
00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,667
You two shoulda heard him.

129
00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:21,272
Of course, Mr. religion here
wasn't seein' eye-to-eye
with the sermon.

130
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:24,275
What sermon ?
That was socialist propaganda,
pure and simple.

131
00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:27,278
And don't give me that look.
You didn't think
it was so hot neither.

132
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,280
I said it was different,
that's all,

133
00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:33,051
but I didn't curse the reverend
from right in the front pew.

134
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:37,288
He never heard me.

135
00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:40,291
Besides, I ain't sittin' still
for no preacher tellin' me...

136
00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:44,529
That I'm to blame for all
this breakdown in law and order
that's goin' on.

137
00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:48,566
Why not ? We're all to blame
for not paying attention
to the cause of it.

138
00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:52,070
I'll tell you the cause of it--
these sob sisters
like your reverend feltcher...

139
00:07:52,137 --> 00:07:55,073
And the bleedin' hearts
and weepin' nellies
like youse two.

140
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:57,075
Like us ?
I think
we'd better eat now.

141
00:07:57,142 --> 00:07:59,910
No, no, wait a second.
It's you.
Me ?

142
00:07:59,978 --> 00:08:01,912
Yeah, that's right, you,
the property owner,

143
00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:05,916
with your 24-inch tvs
and your four-slice toasters
and ice-makin' refrigerators.

144
00:08:05,984 --> 00:08:08,919
That's all you care about,
Archie, is what you got
and how you can keep it.

145
00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:12,923
Well, you'd care about it, too,
Sonny boy, if you had anything,

146
00:08:12,991 --> 00:08:16,961
if you wasn't livin' off of me
without a pot
to peel a potato in.

147
00:08:17,028 --> 00:08:18,963
Wait a second.

148
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:21,966
You're the one who said
I could stay here
while I was in school.

149
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:24,969
I thought it was gonna be
for a year while you learned
a trade or somethin'.

150
00:08:25,036 --> 00:08:28,973
I didn't think you was gonna
wind up in college learnin'
how to be a subversive.

151
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:33,777
That's ridic-- I just wanna
learn a little bit about society
so I can help people.

152
00:08:33,845 --> 00:08:36,280
People ?
Your mother-in-law and me
is people.

153
00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:38,749
Help us, will ya.
Go to work.

154
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:43,387
I know
what's bothering you.

155
00:08:43,455 --> 00:08:46,657
You're upset
because I was nailing you
on that law-and-order thing.

156
00:08:46,725 --> 00:08:48,659
<i>You</i> nailin' <i>me ?</i>
<i>Yeah, that's right.</i>
157
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:51,162
Now I'm gonna
tell you something.
Michael.

158
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:53,831
I know I promised,
but I gotta say this.

159
00:08:53,898 --> 00:08:57,335
You know why we got
a breakdown in law and order
in this country, Archie ?

160
00:08:57,402 --> 00:09:00,338
Because we got poverty.
Real poverty.
You know why we got that ?

161
00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:04,008
Because guys like you are
unwilling to give the black man,
the Mexican-American...

162
00:09:04,075 --> 00:09:07,945
And all the other minorities
their just and hard-earned share
of the American dream.

163
00:09:11,583 --> 00:09:13,851
Who said
he wasn't smart ?

164
00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:17,888
That's beautiful, Michael.
Beautiful.

165
00:09:17,956 --> 00:09:19,990
Oh, that's <i>gorgeous.</i>

166
00:09:21,059 --> 00:09:22,993
Now let me tell <i>you</i>
<i>somethin'.</i>

167
00:09:23,061 --> 00:09:25,996
If your spicks and your spades
want their rightful share
of the American dream,
168
00:09:26,064 --> 00:09:28,999
let 'em get out there
and hustle for it
just like I done.

169
00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:32,503
But you're forgetting one thing.
You didn't have to hustle
with black skin.

170
00:09:32,571 --> 00:09:36,006
I didn't have to hustle with
one arm and one leg neither.
So what ?

171
00:09:36,074 --> 00:09:39,510
So you're admitting that
the black man is handicapped.
Oh, no, no more than me.

172
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:41,512
He's just as good as me.

173
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:44,515
I suppose the black man
has had the same opportunity
in this country as you.

174
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,517
More.
He's had more.

175
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:49,687
I didn't have no million people
marchin' and protestin'
to get me my job.

176
00:09:49,754 --> 00:09:52,690
No, his Uncle
got it for him.

177
00:09:59,831 --> 00:10:01,765
All I'm sayin' is,
don't blame me !

178
00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:04,268
You and that reverend
bleedin' heart feltcher...

179
00:10:04,336 --> 00:10:06,270
Up there
in his ivory shower.

180
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,607
Now, that's enough,

181
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:12,610
talking about a man
of the cloth that way.

182
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,612
God could punish you
for that.

183
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,081
- God ? What God ?
- Yeah, what God ?

184
00:10:17,148 --> 00:10:20,084
What was that ?
Did you hear him ?
Did you hear her ?

185
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:23,087
What was that remark,
Sonny ?
We'd better eat now.

186
00:10:23,154 --> 00:10:26,591
I wanna know what you meant
by "what God ?"
It's nothin', Archie.

187
00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:28,593
You need God.
So forget it.

188
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:31,596
That's no way to talk
on the sabbath, Mike.

189
00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:34,599
Stifle, Edith.
That's no way to talk to
your father-in-law either.
190
00:10:34,666 --> 00:10:38,102
Edith, I told you--
I mean, Sunday is
a day of peace and rest.

191
00:10:38,169 --> 00:10:41,105
Edith, will you stifle.
Archie,
we're all hungry.

192
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,107
Will you stifle !

193
00:10:43,174 --> 00:10:45,610
Don't touch nothin' !

194
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:49,113
Nobody eats nothin'
around here until we get
this thing straight.

195
00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:52,216
Now, Sonny boy, you made
a certain referential
remark there...

196
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:54,218
A minute or so ago...

197
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:56,220
Along
the following lines--

198
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:58,222
"what God ?" You said.

199
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:01,225
And I heard your wife,
my flesh and blood,
repeat it.

200
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:05,129
So let's hear it again.
What did you mean
by "what God ?"

201
00:11:05,196 --> 00:11:08,132
We just don't see
any evidence of God,
that's all.

202
00:11:08,199 --> 00:11:10,134
That's right, daddy.

203
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,704
[ Mocking ]
"That's right, daddy."

204
00:11:13,772 --> 00:11:16,707
Well, I knew we had
a couple of pinkos
in this house,

205
00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:18,709
but I didn't know
we had atheists !

206
00:11:18,777 --> 00:11:21,712
Did you know that, Edith,
that we had a pair of
atheists under this roof ?

207
00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:24,548
Well, maybe if we could just
eat a little somethin'--

208
00:11:24,616 --> 00:11:27,551
will you stifle,
you silly dingbat !

209
00:11:27,619 --> 00:11:29,553
I don't want
no more arguments.

210
00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:31,555
We are not arguin'.
We're discussin'.

211
00:11:31,623 --> 00:11:34,558
I don't care what you call it.
It's still arguing.

212
00:11:34,626 --> 00:11:37,561
We're having what we
always have around here--
a discussion.

213
00:11:37,629 --> 00:11:40,564
I don't see the difference.
That's 'cause
you're a dingbat.

214
00:11:41,733 --> 00:11:44,669
And get that ridiculous hat
off your head !

215
00:11:44,736 --> 00:11:47,338
Will you
stay out of this.
So long as you don't argue.

216
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,674
Edith, stay the hell
out of this !

217
00:11:49,741 --> 00:11:51,676
Aaah !

218
00:11:51,743 --> 00:11:54,178
What's the matter ?
Get away from me,
you meathead !

219
00:11:54,245 --> 00:11:57,181
It's all your fault !
You nearly burnt
the hand off me !

220
00:11:57,248 --> 00:11:59,183
Well, what did he do ?

221
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:02,687
He helps himself to coffee,
then he turns the handle
around the other way.

222
00:12:02,754 --> 00:12:05,189
Oh, daddy,
he didn't do it
on purpose.

223
00:12:05,256 --> 00:12:08,526
Well, let me see.
It really hurts, huh ?
Yeah.

224
00:12:08,593 --> 00:12:10,528
Right about in there ?
Yeah.

225
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:13,531
You know what I think
we oughta do ?
What do you think ?

226
00:12:13,598 --> 00:12:15,533
I think we oughta eat.

227
00:12:22,273 --> 00:12:24,542
Give me over
the ketchup there.

228
00:12:24,609 --> 00:12:26,544
Ketchup on eggs ?
Daddy, really.

229
00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:29,547
"Daddy, really"
has been eatin'
ketchup on eggs...

230
00:12:29,614 --> 00:12:31,882
Since before
you was born,
little girl.

231
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:34,885
So don't let it
concern ya, huh ?

232
00:12:34,953 --> 00:12:36,887
[ Burps ]

233
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:51,635
Oh, Archie,
that's terrible.

234
00:12:53,605 --> 00:12:56,039
Well,
who's for more eggs ?
235
00:12:56,107 --> 00:12:58,041
Sure I can't
help you, dear ?

236
00:12:58,109 --> 00:13:00,043
Not today, mom.
Today you sit.

237
00:13:00,111 --> 00:13:02,813
If I need any help,
Michael can do it.

238
00:13:02,881 --> 00:13:04,815
It won't do him no harm,
neither.

239
00:13:04,883 --> 00:13:08,719
The last time I seen him
liftin' a hand around here,
he was testin' his deodorant.

240
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:13,457
Mom !
Oh, Archie,
leave him alone.

241
00:13:13,525 --> 00:13:16,960
What do you want from me ?
I don't have time
to do anything.

242
00:13:17,028 --> 00:13:21,331
I'm studying six hours,
I'm in class six hours.
Going to college is hard work.

243
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,334
For you, it's like
buildin' the pyramids.

244
00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:29,339
All that sociology
and studyin' that welfare stuff,
I don't call that no hard work.

245
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:31,341
Oh, daddy,
leave him alone.

246
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:34,645
I think it's beautiful
that Michael wants to help
the underprivileged.

247
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:38,649
Listen, if he wants
to help the underprivileged,
let him start with himself.

248
00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:40,651
He's got no brains,
no ambition.

249
00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:43,353
If that ain't underprivileged,
I don't know what is.

250
00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:45,355
That's it !

251
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:47,357
Mother,
we're moving out of here.

252
00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:51,862
I'm not gonna stay in this house
another minute to see my husband
insulted like that !

253
00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:53,864
Archie,
say you're sorry.

254
00:13:53,932 --> 00:13:56,867
If she leaves here,
she'll be dead
inside a year.

255
00:14:02,507 --> 00:14:05,443
You don't have to worry.
They ain't goin' nowhere.

256
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:07,445
You don't know
what it is.
257
00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:09,447
She can't be cleanin'
an apartment...

258
00:14:09,514 --> 00:14:11,449
And cookin'
and marketing.

259
00:14:11,516 --> 00:14:13,951
Why, Dr. feinstein
says she's anemic.

260
00:14:14,018 --> 00:14:15,953
Don't give me that.

261
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:18,956
For ten bucks, some of
these doctors'll tell you
anything you want to hear.

262
00:14:19,023 --> 00:14:21,959
He's the best there is
when it comes to blood.

263
00:14:22,026 --> 00:14:23,961
My cousin
from the hospital
said so.

264
00:14:24,028 --> 00:14:26,464
Your cousin
from the hospital
empties bedpans.

265
00:14:26,531 --> 00:14:28,966
Don't make him out
no specialist.

266
00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:32,570
I know what
Dr. feinberg said.

267
00:14:32,637 --> 00:14:35,072
Feinstein.
Feinstein.
Feinberg.
268
00:14:35,139 --> 00:14:37,575
It all comes
to the same thing,

269
00:14:37,642 --> 00:14:39,577
and I know
that tribe.

270
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:44,849
I'm tellin' you, Archie,
them kids
don't leave this house...

271
00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:47,618
Until Mike can provide
for her proper.

272
00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,620
[ Sighs ]
Oh, boy.

273
00:14:49,688 --> 00:14:53,591
Four years before I even
begin to make a living.
It seems like forever.

274
00:14:53,658 --> 00:14:57,962
Let me tell you, Sonny boy,
the same thought crosses my mind
at least once a day.

275
00:14:58,029 --> 00:14:59,964
Mom--

276
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:02,566
Gloria, you married
the laziest white man
I ever seen.

277
00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:05,369
All right, it's bad enough
you gotta make fun of me.

278
00:15:05,436 --> 00:15:08,372
You don't have to make it worse
by attacking a whole race.

279
00:15:08,439 --> 00:15:10,173
Who's attackin'
a whole race ?

280
00:15:10,241 --> 00:15:13,243
You are. You just said
I was the laziest white man
you ever met.

281
00:15:13,311 --> 00:15:16,246
<i>What's the matter</i>
<i>with that ?</i>
<i>"White man you ever met."</i>

282
00:15:16,314 --> 00:15:19,149
- Yeah, <i>you.</i>
<i>- Implying that the blacks</i>
<i> are even lazier.</i>

283
00:15:19,217 --> 00:15:23,487
Wait a minute, meathead.
You said that, not me.

284
00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:26,991
I never said
your black beauties
was lazy.

285
00:15:27,058 --> 00:15:31,562
It's just their systems
is geared a little slower
than the rest of us, that's all.

286
00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:36,366
- Come on !
- You don't believe me,
look it up.

287
00:15:36,434 --> 00:15:38,368
There's just no fighting
this prejudice.

288
00:15:38,436 --> 00:15:41,071
There's no hope for him.
No hope at all.

289
00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:43,073
I'm not prejudiced.
290
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:46,109
Any man deserves my respect,
he's gonna get it
regardless of his color.

291
00:15:46,177 --> 00:15:48,378
What do you call 'em
"black beauties" for ?

292
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:50,881
Now, that's where I got you,
Mr. liberal.

293
00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:53,884
Because there's a black guy
that works down
at the building with me,

294
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:56,887
and he's got
a bumper sticker
on his car that says,

295
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:58,889
"black is beautiful."

296
00:15:58,957 --> 00:16:01,391
So what's the matter
with "black beauties" ?

297
00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:07,932
It's nicer than
when he called 'em
"coons."

298
00:16:11,736 --> 00:16:13,503
<i>[ Doorbell rings ]</i>

299
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,372
I'll get it.

300
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:20,578
If "black beauties"
is kosher with them,
it's kosher with me.

301
00:16:21,746 --> 00:16:24,682
Hey, Lionel.
Come on in.
How's it goin' ?

302
00:16:24,749 --> 00:16:27,517
In a way, we were
just talking about you.

303
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,086
Oh, Michael !

304
00:16:30,154 --> 00:16:32,089
Yeah, yeah, talkin'
about prejudice.

305
00:16:32,156 --> 00:16:34,091
I'm glad you're here,
Lionel.

306
00:16:34,158 --> 00:16:36,093
Yes, sir,
Mr. bunker.

307
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,597
These are for you,
Mrs. bunker, a present
from an admirer.

308
00:16:39,664 --> 00:16:42,099
For me ?
Oh, my goodness !

309
00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:45,168
Oh, I ain't
had a present
for ten years !

310
00:16:45,236 --> 00:16:47,170
Gee, I wonder
who it's from.

311
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:49,172
There's somethin'
I wanna ask you,
Lionel.

312
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,174
Let her open
her gift first.

313
00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:54,177
She's waited ten years.
Another minute
ain't gonna kill her.

314
00:16:54,245 --> 00:16:56,179
Come here, Lionel.

315
00:16:57,682 --> 00:17:00,117
I wanna ask your opinion
on somethin'.

316
00:17:00,184 --> 00:17:03,120
When you first
started doin' odd jobs
around the neighborhood,

317
00:17:03,187 --> 00:17:06,123
one of the first guys
to throw a little work
your way--

318
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,792
by the way,
did you fix the tv ?
Sure did, Mr. bunker.

319
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:11,795
That's swell. Good boy.
Here, put that
in your pocket.

320
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:15,065
Cheaper than a repairman,
believe me.

321
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:17,067
Is anybody
talkin' to you ?

322
00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:20,070
Now, Lionel, you could say,
by throwin' you
these little jobs,

323
00:17:20,138 --> 00:17:23,406
that I was helpin' you
get some money so you could
go to college and become--

324
00:17:23,474 --> 00:17:25,275
a 'lectrical engineer !
<i>Yeah !</i>

325
00:17:25,343 --> 00:17:27,277
You hear that ?

326
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:32,149
- Ask your question already.
- Keep your drawers on.

327
00:17:33,417 --> 00:17:36,020
By the way,
that's a nice suit
you got on.

328
00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:39,289
It's classy.
It's different. It's <i>quiet.</i>
<i>Where'd you get it ?</i>

329
00:17:39,357 --> 00:17:41,859
Up in Harlem.
No !

330
00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:46,030
I got two more,
but one's yellow with stripes,
the other's purple with checks.

331
00:17:46,097 --> 00:17:48,398
You know, for when
I'm with my people.

332
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:57,374
Well, anyway, Lionel, uh,
I would say that
you know me pretty good.

333
00:17:57,441 --> 00:18:00,878
Wouldn't you ?
Oh, yes, sir, I got
a bead on you, all right.

334
00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:03,246
I know you <i>real</i> good.
Good, good.

335
00:18:03,314 --> 00:18:05,615
Okay, all right,
let's get to the point.

336
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,618
What he wants to know is
if you think he's prejudiced.

337
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:10,620
Prejudiced ?
Yeah.

338
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,622
Against who ?

339
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,624
Against
black people.

340
00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:16,626
Against black people ?
Mr. bunker ?

341
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:19,362
Why, that's the most
ridiculous thing
I ever heard.

342
00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:21,865
There !
You see that, wise guy ?
[ Laughs ]

343
00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:24,868
You thought you knew him,
you thought you knew me.

344
00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:28,371
Oh, these liberals,
they're supposed to be
so sensitive, you know.

345
00:18:28,439 --> 00:18:31,875
I'll tell you where this guy
is sensitive, Lionel--
right in his <i>tuckus.</i>

346
00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:33,643
Uh, where ?

347
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:35,645
It's a yiddish word.
It means--

348
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,647
uh, I know
where it's at.

349
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:41,651
Uh, I was just wondering,
Mr. bunker, what's with
the Jewish word ?

350
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,488
Ah, well, I hear them.
We got a couple of hebes
workin' down at the building.

351
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:50,393
Does he use words
like that very often ?
Now and then.

352
00:18:50,461 --> 00:18:53,030
I told ya, I work
with a couple of Jews.

353
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:55,032
Uh, beggin' your pardon,
Mr. bunker,

354
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:58,035
but you wouldn't happen
to be one of them,
would you ?

355
00:18:59,804 --> 00:19:01,739
What ?

356
00:19:01,806 --> 00:19:05,242
Well, people don't use
Jewish words just like that,
do they, Mike ?

357
00:19:05,309 --> 00:19:07,244
No, not
in my experience.

358
00:19:07,311 --> 00:19:10,447
Maybe people don't,
but I do,
and I ain't no yid.

359
00:19:10,514 --> 00:19:15,119
Come to think of it, when your
father was visiting last year,
wasn't his name Davey--

360
00:19:15,186 --> 00:19:18,688
- my father's name was David.
- Right. And what was
your mother's name ?

361
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:22,025
It was Sarah.
Yeah, my mother's name
was Sarah. So what ?

362
00:19:22,093 --> 00:19:25,695
Uh, David and Sarah.
Two Jewish names.

363
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:28,698
David and Sarah--
two names right out
of the Bible.

364
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:31,701
Which has got nothin'
to do with the Jews.

365
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:35,605
Now, you don't want--

366
00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:39,409
you don't wanna get
uptight about it,
Mr. bunker.

367
00:19:39,477 --> 00:19:42,345
There's nothing to be
ashamed of, being Jewish.
But I ain't Jewish !

368
00:19:42,413 --> 00:19:46,349
Look at that.
See the way he uses his hands
when he argues ?

369
00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:48,852
Huh ?
Very semitic gesture.

370
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,355
What do you know about it,
you dumb polack ?

371
00:19:54,025 --> 00:19:56,626
All right. All right.
I'm a polack.

372
00:19:56,694 --> 00:19:59,062
You sure are.
You're a polack joke.

373
00:20:00,131 --> 00:20:02,032
But I don't mind,
though.

374
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,034
I'm Polish.
I'm proud of it.

375
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:07,704
There you are, Mr. bunker.
You oughta be proud
you're Jewish.

376
00:20:07,772 --> 00:20:09,706
But I ain't
Jewish !

377
00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:11,708
I didn't know
you was Jewish.

378
00:20:11,776 --> 00:20:14,711
What the hell
are you talkin' about ?

379
00:20:16,314 --> 00:20:19,249
You, of all people,
should <i>know</i>
<i>that I ain't Jewish.</i>

380
00:20:19,317 --> 00:20:21,751
You <i>are</i> talkin'
with your hands.

381
00:20:23,721 --> 00:20:26,156
You see, the Jews
tend to be emotional.

382
00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:29,159
Now, listen to me, Lionel.
I'm gonna give you this
once more, and that's all.

383
00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:31,628
I am not Jewish.
Yes, sir, Mr. bunker.

384
00:20:31,696 --> 00:20:35,432
But even if you are,
it doesn't change things
between you and me.

385
00:20:35,499 --> 00:20:40,003
I'm not gonna throw away
nine years of friendship
over a little thing like that.

386
00:20:41,472 --> 00:20:45,008
So long, everybody.
[ Gloria, Mike ]
Bye, Lionel.

387
00:20:58,723 --> 00:21:01,658
Well, I hate
a smart-aleck kid,

388
00:21:01,726 --> 00:21:04,661
and I don't care
what color he is.

389
00:21:11,069 --> 00:21:14,004
Well, I think
I'll go lay down
and watch a little tv.

390
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:17,007
Wait, daddy.
Mom hasn't opened
her gift yet.

391
00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:19,509
Open it now, mom.
Yeah, go ahead, ma.

392
00:21:19,577 --> 00:21:22,512
I can't believe it.
Look, my hands
are shaking.

393
00:21:25,316 --> 00:21:28,252
Oh ! Oh, my !

394
00:21:28,319 --> 00:21:30,754
Lace hankies.
Look, Gloria.

395
00:21:30,821 --> 00:21:33,757
Two beautiful
lace hankies.

396
00:21:33,824 --> 00:21:36,760
Is that all ?
Don't you wanna know
who it's from ?

397
00:21:36,827 --> 00:21:38,762
Yeah,
sit down, daddy.
Come on.

398
00:21:38,829 --> 00:21:40,764
There's a card there, mom.
Open it.

399
00:21:40,831 --> 00:21:43,767
Those are
the most beautiful hankies.
That's real lace.

400
00:21:43,834 --> 00:21:47,304
And flowers.
I've just never seen such--

401
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:49,306
oh, my glory.

402
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:51,808
Come on, Edith.
Who are they from ?

403
00:21:51,876 --> 00:21:53,810
They're from you,
Archie.

404
00:21:55,546 --> 00:21:57,480
[ Coughing ]

405
00:21:57,548 --> 00:21:59,482
I can't hardly
believe it.

406
00:21:59,550 --> 00:22:02,986
I ain't seen
an anniversary gift from you
since the first year.

407
00:22:03,054 --> 00:22:06,990
- Pound his back, Mike.
- Keep away from me, meathead.
Keep away from me.

408
00:22:08,859 --> 00:22:10,794
You know
what I'm gonna do ?

409
00:22:10,861 --> 00:22:12,796
I'm gonna try using one.

410
00:22:12,863 --> 00:22:15,299
You know,
see how I look with it.

411
00:22:15,366 --> 00:22:18,302
Some people don't look natural
with fancy things.

412
00:22:21,239 --> 00:22:23,640
Oh, you look wonderful,
mom !
Perfectly natural.

413
00:22:23,707 --> 00:22:26,643
Just don't blow in it.
It'll go right through.

414
00:22:26,710 --> 00:22:30,480
Oh, Archie, I just
don't know what to say.

415
00:22:30,548 --> 00:22:33,150
Except thank you,
sweetheart.

416
00:22:33,217 --> 00:22:35,819
Oh, I do thank you,
Archie dear.

417
00:22:35,886 --> 00:22:38,621
All right, all right, Edith.
You're gettin' me all wet.

418
00:22:38,689 --> 00:22:40,623
Read the card.

419
00:22:40,691 --> 00:22:42,625
Oh. Archie.
[ Giggles ]

420
00:22:42,693 --> 00:22:45,128
I'll bet it's a hallmark.

421
00:22:46,530 --> 00:22:48,465
Well, pretty near.

422
00:22:49,767 --> 00:22:52,202
Oh, there's a verse
inside.

423
00:22:52,270 --> 00:22:54,338
"Together."
Ohh.

424
00:22:55,906 --> 00:22:58,842
"Through all the years
I've been with you,

425
00:22:58,909 --> 00:23:01,845
"we've had our ups and downs,
'tis true.

426
00:23:01,912 --> 00:23:05,015
"But life with us
has just begun.

427
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:07,517
"We've yet to have
all of our fun.

428
00:23:07,585 --> 00:23:10,020
As long as we're together."

429
00:23:18,496 --> 00:23:20,530
What are you lookin' at ?

430
00:23:20,598 --> 00:23:24,201
"And when, my dear,
we're old and gray,

431
00:23:24,268 --> 00:23:27,004
"and life for us
is sunny weather,

432
00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:30,407
"we'll look back on our lives
and say,

433
00:23:30,475 --> 00:23:34,577
it's been
a gay, gay lark together."

434
00:23:43,454 --> 00:23:46,390
All right, all right.
Come on, will youse.

435
00:23:46,457 --> 00:23:50,894
The anniversary party's over.
Why don't youse all get busy
and clean up the mess.

436
00:23:50,961 --> 00:23:54,064
Them eggs over there
is startin' to "foment."

437
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:58,902
Oh, Archie, I--
I just don't know what to say.

438
00:23:58,969 --> 00:24:01,871
That was so beauti--
ohh.

439
00:24:10,148 --> 00:24:13,083
Hey, do you have to
always be doin' that ?

440
00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:15,419
It's as if
she was a hamburger.

441
00:24:15,486 --> 00:24:17,421
Mom !

442
00:24:20,158 --> 00:24:22,259
The card kinda
got to you, huh ?

443
00:24:22,326 --> 00:24:25,929
- What do you mean ?
It got to your mother-in-law.
- No, no, it got to you too.

444
00:24:25,996 --> 00:24:29,933
- I never knew you were
so soft and sentimental.
- You don't know much anyhow.

445
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,436
I wanna tell you somethin'
about yourself.

446
00:24:32,503 --> 00:24:35,439
You are a person
of very little quality.

447
00:24:37,675 --> 00:24:40,610
You got no appreciation
for some of your finer things.
448
00:24:40,678 --> 00:24:43,913
What-- Archie,
we're talking about
a greeting card.

449
00:24:43,981 --> 00:24:47,317
They got some damn good writers
writin' for them cards.
Come on.

450
00:24:47,385 --> 00:24:51,088
Some of your best song lyrics
come right off them cards !
All right !

451
00:24:51,155 --> 00:24:54,091
What are you gettin'
so excited about ?
It's a greeting card.

452
00:24:54,158 --> 00:24:57,094
It's not like
you wrote the thing.
No, I didn't write it.

453
00:24:57,161 --> 00:25:00,097
But who had the good taste
to pick it out ?

454
00:25:05,169 --> 00:25:07,604
Aw, go on, will ya,
meathead.

455
00:25:21,519 --> 00:25:25,288
[ Archie ]
♪ boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

456
00:25:25,356 --> 00:25:29,426
[ Edith ]
♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪

457
00:25:29,494 --> 00:25:32,629
[ Archie ]
♪ guys like us
we had it made ♪

458
00:25:32,696 --> 00:25:36,666
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ those were the days ♪