Is Meek Weak?

—Pastoral Reflections on Gentleness

What’s the first word that comes to your mind when you hear the title “pastor”? My
guess is it’s not “gentle.” The Iron Giant notwithstanding, our popular heroes are not
known for their meekness. They tend to accomplish great feats through sheer might,
skill, and force of will. They excel in hubris, not humility.

I always thought I was gentle. When reading through lists of virtues in the New
Testament, gentleness never caught my attention. As a young man I prayed regularly
against lust. I fought pride. I strove to ward off sloth. These deadly sins comprised a
three-headed monster I knew I must oppose. But somewhere along the way, while I
engaged in a frontal assault against my Cerberus, a sneaky little sin slipped out of my
heart and attacked me from the rear. He goes by many names: harshness, brashness, and
domineering are some of them. He is neither meek nor gentle.

So how did this sneaky little sin catch my attention? A dear brother did something
brave; he told me I could be harsh and intimidating. So harsh, in fact, he wasn’t sure he
could serve with me on our church’s elder body. His words stunned me. I couldn’t
believe it. Yet I couldn’t not believe it. This brother is wise, godly, and I knew he
wanted the best for me and for the church we both love.

MY SIN DECEIVED ME

We needed to dig deeper. I asked him to pick out a couple elders from our church with
whom he felt comfortable sharing this information. The four of us sat down to talk and
pray. He told them his concerns. He did it humbly, confessing his own weaknesses
along the way. But as we talked, I better understood ways I had led conversations that
made others feel little. I realized how I often provided minimal guidance while
expecting maximum results. I learned that while, for the most part, my lust, sloth, and
pride were in check, harshness was having a heyday.

I wondered how I missed seeing this sin for so long. After all, I prayed regularly, read
the Bible daily, and preached at least once a week. I had been set apart by a local church
to address the sins of an entire congregation, so how could I have so carelessly missed
seeing my own sin?

The short answer is, I don’t know, my sin deceived me. The nineteenth-century
theologian, Archibald Alexander, noted: “In all sin the mind is under a delusive
influence. Right thoughts and motives are for the moment forgotten or
overborne.”[1] He’s right; I’d been deluded into thinking directness (a more palatable
word than harshness) was simply part of my leadership style.

As the weeks went on, the Lord reminded me sanctification is a process, even for
pastors. Not only this, I found in the sharp words of my dear brother the power of
Hebrews 3:13, “exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of
you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” His exhortation led me to examine
my heart afresh.

SCRIPTURE REFRESHED ME
Just as important, his rebuke led me to read the Scriptures with fresh eyes. For example,
when I remembered Moses previously, I first thought of a profoundly bold leader who
overcame deep insecurity to lead God’s people out of Egypt. This is true. Moses was a
fiercely intense defender of justice. But that’s not all he was. As I came face-to-face
with my own harshness, I saw Moses as a man personally and powerfully transformed
by the glory of God. Thus, Scripture describes him as, “very meek, more than all the
people who were on the face of the earth” (Num 12:3).

Before, when I meditated on the fruit of the Spirit, I fastened upon my need for joy,
faithfulness, and self-control. But now, gentleness called out to me from the text, urging
me to set my heart on this particular piece of the Spirit’s fruit (Gal 6:22-23).

Previously, each time I went to 1 Peter 5 to examine the role of elders in the church, I
especially observed how they need to be willing servants, not greedy for gain. But now
what stands out to me is the fact that they must not be “domineering” over the sheep in
their care (1 Pet 5:3).

How many times had I read 1 Timothy 3, pondering the qualifications necessary to hold
the office of overseer? Faithfulness in marriage, sobriety, and respectability each
demanded my attention. But I can no longer read this passage without seeing the phrase,
“not violent but gentle” shining forth in neon lights.

OUR CHURCH DOESN’T NEED A MEEK PASTOR

Leading a church, even with a plurality of elders, isn’t easy. A good pastor has to be
prepared to receive a barrage of criticism. It goes with the territory. Moreover, there can
be the expectation that pastors must not only know where the church needs to be, but
must have the vision, confidence, resolve, and tough-mindedness to get it there. And
sometimes, because of our sinfully-clouded minds, we pastors fail to see how fostering
the virtue of meekness will further this cause. We know America doesn’t need a meek
president, the army doesn’t need a meek general, and the company doesn’t need a weak
CEO. So, perhaps without admitting it, we resolve our church doesn’t need a meek
pastor.

But the church isn’t a country, an army, or a company. If God wanted it led by
politicians, generals, or CEOs he could have made that happen. Instead, in his wisdom,
he entrusted the future of the church to elders whose distinguishing mark is a personal
recognition of weakness: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the
surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Cor 4:7). If Jesus saved the world by
making himself nothing (Phil 2:7), then surely it is incumbent upon every elder to take
his posture.

As a husband, I so appreciate Dave Harvey’s words about meekness in marriage:

“Meekness has nothing to do with being weak or passive. Meekness is power harnessed
by love. . . . In marriage, to be meek is not to be weak or vulnerable, but to be so
committed to your spouse that you will sacrifice for his or her good.”[2] These words
are just as apt for the pastorate.

Meek is not weak. The pastor who feels the need to power his church to greatness
through the exercise of his own gifts underestimates the power of the gospel. The pastor
convinced he must be the most insightful, the most incisive, the most forceful, or the
most commanding has missed the most basic of spiritual truths: God delights to use the
meekest of men because they are the most obviously dependent upon him. This does not
mean a good pastor is quiet, reticent to lead, or skeptical of his own judgment. Not at
all! Yet it does mean a pastor is “quick to hear, slow to speak, [and] slow to anger”
(James 1:19).

I’m still not as gentle as I ought to be, but I’m aware of my temptation to be harsh, and I
know such awareness makes me a better husband, father, and pastor. I know one day
soon my ministry will be over. People will gather at my funeral where I hope they’ll
talk a lot more about Jesus than about me. But to the extent that I’m remembered, I’d
like to be remembered as man who modeled meekness.

MOVING TOWARD MEEKNESS

None of us is as meek or gentle as we ought to be. But what should you do if you think
you may have a real problem here?

 Find someone who will speak to the truth in love to you, and ask him or her,
“Am I gentle?” It helped me simply to know this is an area I really need to focus
on. Knowing may not be half the battle, but it’s a start.

 Meditate upon some key texts of Scripture: Proverbs 15:4; Matthew 5:5;
Galatians 5:23; Ephesians 4:1-3; Colossians 3:12; 1 Timothy 6:11; James 1:21.
Even more than that, consider the character of Christ. Paul said every Christian
is “being transformed into the same image” of Christ, “from one degree of glory
to another” (2 Cor 3:18). This means we are coming to share in his meekness,
too (2 Cor1 10:1; Matt 11:29). It’s hard to spend time with verses like these and
not walk away with a greater desire to be gentle.

 Consider how others perceive you. If your words, tone, and countenance come
off as harsh and unfeeling, reconsider how you communicate with others. Part of
loving another person is going out of your way to make sure they know you care
about them. Sometimes a lack of gentleness is simply a failure to make clear
how you truly feel.

 Pray God would make you gentler. Surely this is a prayer God delights to
answer. He loves his sheep more than you do, and for love of them he will work
gentleness in the hearts of under-shepherds who truly long to exhibit the
meekness of Christ.

*****

[1]Archibald Alexander, Practical Truths (Harrisonburg, VA: Sprinkle, 1998), 59.

[2]Dave Harvey, When Sinners Say, “I Do,” (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press,
2007), 130.

By Aaron Menikoff