Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Introduction......................................................................................................................................2
The Dangers of OCFAD..................................................................................................................5
My Chickens Aren’t Chicken........................................................................................................10
Horses Canter, Pigs Galumph........................................................................................................14
Chicken-In-A-Box.........................................................................................................................15
Egg Phrase Reform........................................................................................................................21
LGW: Many Followers, No Tax Deductions................................................................................23
Hairy Tales.....................................................................................................................................28
Fresh Bread Nouveau Rural Style..................................................................................................33
This Little Piggy Went To Market….............................................................................................37
‘Til Death Do Us Part....................................................................................................................45
You Are What You Eat..................................................................................................................52
In the Garden of Good and Evil.....................................................................................................58
Fine Print on Rural Recreation......................................................................................................66
Don’t Call Me Frugal.....................................................................................................................74
What Did You Do This Weekend?................................................................................................79
Neighbors.......................................................................................................................................92
Wheelbarrows I Have Known......................................................................................................101
You Are What Your Chicken Eats...............................................................................................109
Subaru To The Rescue!................................................................................................................114
What Doesn’t Kill You Probably Makes You Limp For Life.....................................................122
A Qualified Success.....................................................................................................................125
Liar! Liar!.....................................................................................................................................132
Poopology....................................................................................................................................139
Intermission..................................................................................................................................147
Santa’s Sleigh is a Ford 250.........................................................................................................153
Does Rule.....................................................................................................................................154
Luck and Two Sticks...................................................................................................................160
Change.........................................................................................................................................173
Introduction
civilization.
them at home even though we had owned the acreage for over a
feet from the well within the month, but necessity made for an
hay.
every area over what was offered in a boarding stable. The hay
I bought was much better than what the local stables meagerly
were never stalled up, frantic to stretch their legs and roll.
rural setting. By the time we had moved onto the land, I was
tomato, field dress a deer or kill a snake. You can stack hay
Whatever you don't know, you know someone who does know. You
take all of the above for granted. You learned by osmosis. You
denizens.
I don't know any of the above. I'd like to know all of the
history.
with hay stems and drive vehicles with mud splashes higher than
How else can I explain an impulse buy of two milk goats last
fall? A year ago I would have told you I didn't like goats.
After all I knew I wasn't partial to sheep. Sheep and goats are
asked yourself what people did before TV? Well, I know now.
They had goats. Goats are like having George Carlin and the 3
and high kicks. You probably don't believe me and that's a good
inflicting it on you.
and proceeded to round out the herd with a buck. Come spring we
is exponential.
4. We don't call the white one "Baby White Elephant" just for
we hoped would have the side effect of eggs and the guineas were
And let's not forget the two feeder pigs. One guy asked me
if feeder pig meant that we fed the pigs or that they fed us. I
replied both.
said it was too hard. Pigs smelled. Pigs are mean. We were
too soft to pull it off and that should we slaughter a pig we'd
choke up before we could eat it. We'd be giving away pork chops
in no time just to get rid of it. One person tried to name them
to force them into the pet category. I can only reply to this
steel my resolve.
and total exhaustion from the care and house construction for 2
held down full time jobs and milked the goats twice a day kept
desires.
with my latest pursuits from cheese making from our hand milked
cheerful replies.
off the deep end with no real hope of making it back to shore.
Disorder.
My Chickens Aren’t Chicken
are more into Extreme Sports than any concept of safety first.
They may be a mite wary of me, but still we daily pick them
the feed can. And our chickens are so spoiled that they raised
backed out the Subaru. They seem to regard moving vehicles with
only inattention.
Later I was about to step into the truck to make my own way
into work when two chickens popped out from under the cab to
grass growing out from the dog paddock fence. Little feathery
bobbing heads millimeters from the dog fence near the dog door.
found a chicken in the dog paddock. Only the first time did I
recent chicken victim went quick and didn't suffer long. My dog
corpse. Not like the last time when feathers filled the paddock
haven't seen the neighbor cat before chicken bedtime since the
the progression, I'd have thought they were being lined up and
flapped my arms.
least 6' under them and 15' away from them. One Guinea got so
rattled it flew with speed into the wall with a big clunk and
is rather wary of the hens. The hens of course give wide berth
The hens give a wide berth to the goats. Why they have any
feline. Once it was the vet's head, but that's another story.
Just remember Dancer does high kicks if you are ever lazily
chief chicken killer dog, were I honest. I'm sure that we will
raise the dog paddock fence only to belatedly discover that the
chickens are using the gap under the gate to pursue their dark
destinies.
Pigs teach you patience. Pigs don't have any when you stand
particular reason than you are lazier than any 3rd cousin has a
right to be, be prepared to see the gate torn off its hinges and
he can get the pig back in the paddock. The gate isn't anything
Cluck? There you emerge with the delectable aroma of hot grease
last batch to see for ourselves what breeds work for us. We are
sticking just her head out of a woven wire fence. Not too
effective, but that's chicken mentality for you. She flew into
Traumatized and shocky she was rescued with a minor limp and
Jane. If she had lost status in the chicken community, she true
smallest Guinea who had barely tolerated status. And with much
deliberation, with wobbly balance on one leg, she drew back her
pity on her and scooped her up and took her back to the chicken
hut.
to keep tucked up. On the third day when she was just miserably
intervened.
else. I yelled out that I wanted to check her bad leg for
stickers.
he had checked her out and that wasn't it. Right as he tells me
this, I pull 3/4ths of an inch of cactus spine right out of the
underneath pad of her foot. In fact, her leg was covered with
the nearly invisible, hair thin, little red spines that lie in
and I hope you stay that way. They are red because it feels
like fire where they stick you. And if you are right at 40,
like me, you can't see them until you break them off right under
the skin.
has many talents, I love him, but some times... He took the
chicken back.
That was the day that we discovered this chicken had not
only been suffering with multiple spines, she had managed to hop
up into the nest box and lay her first egg. I didn't so take it
upon myself to name her. I just starting using the name she'd
earned for herself. She's every bit as gutsy and accident prone
as her namesake.
old Calamity Jane safe in the broody hut during the days and
returning her to her flock at night. We'd let the chickens out
for the day and they had made their usual barn invasion, but I
Finally as I walked down the barn aisle the ruckus went off
take on chicken-in-a-box.
You know how kids seem to play with the boxes more than the
toys? Well neither my husband nor me must have gotten past kid
stage. We bought a smoker we've used twice, but the box it came
Calamity Jane is now its occupant. I was hoping she was going
housing and fencing requirements for all ages and sexes in any
with two fingers to avoid the grease while you weave your way
meat type rooster and hen. (Add 6+ months if you plan to really
start from scratch.) You can eat your laying chickens, but they
are not quite as plump. The rooster and hen would collaborate
feathers, clean and cut the bird up. Now you can get out your
deep fat fryer (ours just stays out) and your secret batter
recipe and go do up some old fashioned fried chicken straight
long as we keep naming our food things like Calamity Jane, all
You hear that and you know you've blown it. It’s a quick
of the 10 minutes I was late for work looking for eggs in the
eggs.
If you were the kid that got scolded for wanting to hunt
Easter eggs past the unwritten age limit (me!), chickens are for
you.
opportunity to play hide and seek and hunt eggs hid by the
masters of egg intrigue. It's like a rule you must eat dessert
used those two hay bales that were their previous preference,
All in all, I'd have to say that the occasion for "laying an
marginal side, so I'll leave egg phrase reform for someone else.
LGW: Many Followers, No Tax Deductions
the same.
of worshipping the Lawn God and not even realized it. When you
Lawn God.
St. Augustine while not the only road to Lawn God heaven is
heavy water hog for our semi-arid climate. And the more water
broadcasting.
treatment and they are edible and have yellow flowers. Now I do
look in a plant.
famous for her support and seeding of the highways. But this
spring I've noticed that frequent mowing has left mostly just
traveling. And most of the fields are grazed down to the dirt
thing.
noxious weed list as well. And I'm not talking about poison
He now owns a flat plain dotted with a few lucky oak trees. All
the decimated plant life went into a bonfire upwind from us.
Judging from the smell, half of his trees were once made of
plastic.
chippers/shredders as profane.
those that abstain from LGW that are fined and objects of peer
pressure.
and required to cut down the "weeds" in his front yard which
blooming extravaganza.
left. Nope. The time has come to whisper into the ears of the
Lawn God Worshipping public of xeroscaping, habitat preservation
think that they had issues with the Two Nanny Goats Fluff. They
were thwarted by thre feed bearing chums returning from the feed
engagement...
Well the pigs now had their freedom and wasted no time
and puffed and snorted and snouted, but could not break into the
barn for rainy days. They deserved to be taken down a peg and
these were the pigs ready to do it, but were better at finding a
rejected.
They grimed up the goat water, but felt sleepy and climbed
into the goat hay beds for a little Goldilock-esque nap where
By the time the overhead door was flung open and the truck
drove in, the pigs had raced out of the barn. They quickly took
free themselves.
My husband and I with a friend put up the feed into the feed
room that the pigs probably cried outside of for a while before
stupidly kept repeating THE PIGS ARE IN THE CHICKEN HOUSE! Not
200 lb pig by the back leg through brambles for about half a
else.
bloodshed.
At this point there was some interest into driving them into
the pigpen was designated the future buck pen and it happens
left the pigs to find out how they escaped, seeing that we only
wanted to catch them once. It seemed prudent not to drive the
pigs back into a pen they had mastered escaping from. The
pigs over the fence were found. I'm just bragging of course,
board the pigs had pushed out and had snapped back leaving no
obvious trace.
Brian offered to get a rope to lead the pigs back in, but
cunning plan.
rations was filled with a noisy corn bribe. Brian being the
daily feed can carrier and fastest runner was voted by 2/3rd
time.
Bravely I opened the chicken hut door and jumped back out of
pigs, the Ph.D. leapt into the chicken house to chase the pigs
out.
Looks like he didn't need any prior experience; because the
pigs ran out, saw Brian and kept running towards home. They
told.
The End.
Fresh Bread Nouveau Rural Style
singing a hymn slightly off key with verve only I'm singing Hymn
#143 while the rest of the congregation belts out #144. It's
the second stanza and I'm only just catching on and might as
the ingredients at whim and the jumbo sized loaf is the result.
to cool.
assortment out there on your grocery shelves, but they are all
But before the bread machine, I think you could have used my
bread for skeet practice except they were too heavy for lobbing
eggs, fresh whole goat milk, Nouveau Rural farmer's cheese and
whey, and you have a new dimension of bread. When the Advil has
another loaf that even the chickens avoid and restart the bread
machine with a bit more flour. Twice. I increase the loaf size
on with my evening.
of two of the four dogs we are currently owned by. (No one
at your bread".
the bread pan to the top of the window of the bread machine
since we got an 8" tall loaf out of it. The window seems in
I snoozed right through the part where my husband stood over the
about to review his fire safety procedures and douse the loaf
when he figured out I'd slopped flour down onto the element
below while trying to turn bread goo into bread dough. The
But at what seemed only moments before dawn, the bread was
done. It totally obscured the handy handles and I now add hot
metal juggling onto my resume since I managed to extract the
crust and succulent innards without the one big air pocket we
expected.
sandwich-sized Ziploc.
We had bought two feeder pigs from a local show pig breeder.
An ugly ear, one feature not quite up to breed standards and the
pig goes into the cull pen. We had zero prior pig experience.
years. I didn't actually get close enough to see the pig they
show pigs. I couldn't find anyone who sold feeder pigs and I
everything helpful and took us out for our first look at a real
and it was his idea to get the 2nd dog. He just enables my
eat it! I was afraid the deal was off, but Brian was all go.
When we returned, Judy was out, but her dad was available, a
us up a couple of pigs.
you, but likely I will never forget the fun of watching those
pigs give Brian the slip. That was worth the price of the pigs.
to take home. The slow, not-so-bright pig will do just fine for
me.
However in the course of the entertainment, knowing zip
uncastrated pig. And according to the pig book, you may not
decided that one pig would go to the processor and the other
Now comes the tricky part. We had to get one of the two
two stock panels to narrow off from the gate of the pigpen to
the trailer.
to the side and enough room for a kitchen table between the
the trailer.
Anal to the last I insisted on a dry run. My husband who
explained that "dry run" did not include the pig. (I must look
We several times mimed luring the pig into the trailer and
when we got up, dressed and reconvened. (This took 1.5 minutes
separated the pigs. The black pig remained in the pen. The red
pig made his way into the chute area outside of the gate and
the trailer.
Brian started out the back of the trailer and the pig
Brian could not believe he had just let the pig escape.
We tried leading the pig back into the trailer, but pigs are
he really hurt the pig's feelings, but definitely not the pig.
Pigs are smart. And they are able to relate and draw
off of all this hubbub was that in no way did he want to get
into the trailer. Round and round they went. Around the tree.
Perilously into the flimsy stock panels. Until the pig decided
comfort and safety was back into the pigpen through the shut
gate.
I've never seen metal bend like that. The gateposts, both
stuck in a rope loop once, with my ankle over my head, where the
and unskillful, I was taking notes and realized that were Brian
successful of getting the pig out the sagging gate, most likely
the pig would still turn and bash back through the useless gate
heavy 4'x8' brother over about two acres of mud back to the
one end, loaming 8' into the air. This was supposed to be
dropped instantaneously back behind the pig, blocking his path
you must love your husband. He had let the pig escape, pulled
your arms out of the socket hauling useless lumber and has not a
anything smelly enough to anoint our shoes to lead the pig into
seemed obvious that the pig was smarter. What did I have?
I came upon the idea that I could attempt to be more
appealing than the pig! I could put all that TV cop show
reluctant pig.
the pig to have Brian make some premature move to send the pig
running.
Bit by bit I lured that pig with many do-overs out the gate
that the black pig decided not to go anywhere near the gate and
Seems that when Brian closed the trailer door, the ramp
latch got stuck. Twice he had to open the door to extract the
ramp latch while the pig just looked on, not even tempted to
I guess Brian's Bad Farmer really saved the day after all!
‘Til Death Do Us Part
this morning and I was running late. I was pretty sure I left
the leaky hose in the dog paddock on and the unseasonably cold
clank that all was not right. I pulled over, jumped out and
wrong with my vehicle. I had no idea. The grass was too tall
to see the tires clearly. I told him in Frantic Female, Get
call him back. " Uh? Didn't I have a wheel cover on that front
tire."
He wanted to know what was causing the smoke, but I was too
TMI. (too much information) I told him I was going to call AAA
that a skinny footed person with chronically sore feet can wear
imminent.
whatever was wrong with the truck didn't seem so bad. The book
category.
do it. (I don't think I can explain it, but it works for us.)
He told me he'd figured out that my bearings exploded. I
nodded like he could see me over the cell phone. Made as much
truck and driving it. And it took me 15 minutes to get the gas
offered me assistance. I could tell they were nice and safe and
still had I no other aid on the way would I have said anything
the road."
it. And sometimes how he would fix them up get them going and
then run them off the road later. If you don't have a cell
house.
told me via cell to stop pulling the bad wheel off the road.
I let him know that my brakes seem pretty soft, but he just
fright.
I have speed dial on the cell phone and still it was not
again.
We are almost to the turnoff when that right wheel starts
have fallen off, but I don't think I believe that now and then I
language, verbal and non. The only man I would hug at this
He said he was sorry for not having the truck towed back in
and making me drive it. I asked if he would have said that over
my grave had I not been able to make that turn back there.
Well all's well that ends well and Brian limped the truck
HIS stress? Who was driving when the bearings exploded and
nearly jerked the truck off the road? Who was driving when the
brakes went out down a hill? Who stood by the road and wondered
dream. So I've had about two decades total in the work place
and in all that time, I've never had the big corner office.
I might not always like my cube wall mate, but never had any
known to joke at some high saturation points that the only way
desks.
made an urgent trip to the hall, where my eyes were gasping for
project at hand, the air in here feels a bit stale and lifeless.
I've got an air purifier going for simulated wind now. I've
have this job are readily at hand. But the restlessness and
unease prevail.
Could it really be that "You are what you eat." actually holds
back to the chicken named Goldy that laid it, only tastes as
ranges and I have seen her chase down a bug with abandon. The
June bug population has really taken a hit. She likes goat milk
like goat's milk, the pigs are wild for it. Twice a day, every
day they lapped up their milk or whey. The pork turned out as
Our homegrown pork and eggs tastes so much better than what
production.
Commercial animals are likely to be tightly confined and
applications.
pesticides.
arena. I've just read a very serious article about how you can
industry and I don't know I'd agree about calling this waste
inputs.
animal ate in the first place? That's what I'd call a system.
at work.
items you can buy, but twice in the last month I smelled some
the lack of a breeze down the office corridors coming from the
the other shoulder. This weekend I was of two minds about our
hope her show runs longer than Gunsmoke. We tape it every day.
it". She's rounded out from eating her own cooking and reminds
category?
better than the expert on the current segment. I'm waiting for
Martha Stewart always uses crème fraîche and never sour cream.
camera and show how they don't cook, clean or iron up to her
dollars.
The Colonel wants her fried chicken recipe. She can get
stick tent stakes into the ground and be picking fruit off of
them in the next season. She remembers what it was like way
back when and can tell a story about it that makes you snap off
the TV. She can crotchet, quilt and make your wedding dress.
My husband once told me that I was more frugal than his Scottish
grandmother and I'm afraid I still beam with pleasure from that
new raised bed garden. Martha was appalled. She said it was an
home and all those in a one-mile area. I tried to point out the
approval she noted that other than 10 T-posts, some small pots
for starting plants and the seed packets, all materials were
machines. One end takes the hay in. The other side spits out
compost material ready for the aging process. You guessed it—
horses. I have to pour hay down the first end in any event. By
into rich dirt. The only thing I could be sure of was to avoid
too many wood shavings as wood can leach the nitrogen out. Our
surprised when it didn’t taste just like what it was made out
safety--mine.
rare and costly wood, I was more concerned with the cash outlay
My first thought was to put the caliche dirt from where they
dug the septic tank into empty feedbags and create a container
insisting that we put off the dire task until it was imperative
that I get my root bound plant starts into a garden of some sort
or else.
Faced with the actual fact of dragging 50lb sized bags of
had to take the loppers to the brushy mess that entangled it,
but the goats were only too happy to take over the recycling of
that by-product.
fastened to the t-posts. Even the prior nail holes were put to
use. The end panels came from cutting the third panel into two
pieces.
service. I used the plain bags for a bottom liner and the ones
hopes that it will last out the current growing season. And I
empty another bag about every other day so I feel like I can
top edges of the raised bed but the wind flapping them back and
transferred the dirt from the compost piles into the garden bed.
pile. Brian thought he saw a rock in the front loader and asked
what will invariably be the site of the next garden plot. The
enclose the garden bed. Back Brian went into the bushes
hideously ugly chain link gate. The gate will put some biceps
the fencing to the t-posts and even made the gate latch. Baling
picky goats pitched in. All that hay that they love to throw on
showed how she imports Salt Grass Hay because of its natural
lack of weed seeds kept popping up while I was mulching. Martha
kept murmuring Salt Grass Hay in my ear the whole time. I’m
that point. I may be feeding the bugs more so than Brian, but I
haven’t had enough experience to know any better or feel too bad
close on the tomato front. You may be the ace of tomato starts,
people who’ve bottle fed an animal. I can’t find a soul who has
started a tomato plant from seed. I know they are out there but
going to reproduce true and the plants down at the garden center
are all the same old hybrids everyone plants for salad tomatoes.
creating quite the table incident and have never let one pass my
lips raw since. I like tomato sauce, but make sure that you
raise some salad tomatoes for Brian, but if I’m doing it, it
Third and probably most telling, I’m just too cheap to call
would have cost me and I’m still freaking out for paying ten
the back of the seed packet make any sense to the ultimate
But to give the devil its due, Martha was quite the inspiration.
Fine Print on Rural Recreation
Before you sell the townhouse for less than you owe and move
out to the sticks so that you can out-brag me about farm fresh
eggs and eat your own homegrown bacon, there's a little fine
print I should share with you. You have to surrender your free
weekends you are running the errands you postponed through the
week. You only have the time between morning and evening
that sucker fire off. Raising farm animals just happens to trip
my switch.
this concept.
impression that I was rather mellow and laid back. Well, both
accurate statement.
was probably right when he said resting was productive and that
muscles in his body to build the first chicken house wasn't fun.
fun to me.
argue with my husband. But I can attest that neither did I have
"fun".
is no one to leave the animals with. Assume that the goats are
all pregnant and none are being milked. I’ve rarely found a
friend that can feed and water my dogs, much less my dogs,
horses, chickens, goats and pigs. The people that can do this
than any pig and probably thinks that eventually he might get
some chores out of them. I’m thinking that the kid might resent
kids.
Well, what does he thinks those road trips to the feed store in
less pigs. Many places will welcome a horse or two, but close
and the nearest edible Chinese food without the word “Buffet” in
the name.
out loud, you will instantly find three people who commute twice
When you aren’t locked in the life and death struggle of the
I read all the time where this couple in Rural USA found an
share that other than sweat equity and $3.47 of hinges and nails
that I don’t have time to scout around for good junk free for
work and the round trip commute back home, now all you have to
find all the eggs, milk if it is in season and make sure you
have enough clean, dry clothes to get both of you back out to
start all over again the next day. You are holding your breath
one has bitten or kicked anyone else and reasonably good health
is shared by all.
The minute you take one step toward the feed, just cover
your ears. The dogs are now barking furiously. All the goats
start bleating piteously like they are very weak yet loudly
The horses are neighing because you looked at the goats first.
The chickens see the bringer of eats and rush to surround you,
whip out the magic feed can. The pigs are banging against their
gate. This is the same gate you patched with baling wire after
This will only abate during the time that they are actually
that I'm in denial and that any accolades of frugality are only
partially deserved.
of the tub. He now will join up the old and the new so that
routinely lets their soap air dry into a latherless rock for at
have been told that the jar of kitchen utensils is just born to
hold the bag turned inside out while it dries, my counter top
goes unadorned.
five acres where they grow all their own food organically.
the only ones who didn't purchase your acreage for a hog and
we don't want to throw out and we don't want to bring with us.
just hated that house and can barely stand to go back. No real
I've taken my lunch the last 3 million times. All this belt-
laid off half of last year and we still made too much money to
research and frugal folks are proud of how far they make limited
accurately over-mortgaged.
get any fresher. The yolks are nearly orange. They taste
fourteen who made it the six months before they start to lay.
equipment. For $50 I can buy a dozen eggs a week for a year.
Let's talk milk. You may not know this, but the truly
acquire milk goats. Becoming your own dairy is not only labor
you don't know the following until you commit yourself.) While
the books all swear that pasteurization is the one true way,
everyone you will meet who knows anything about goats will laugh
carefully about this question, and while the book has omitted
many things, never has it taken shortcuts that shrink the safety
business the following year. Not frugal when you count up the
mall and can find something that fits. The idea of trying to
clothing purchases.
Someone just asked me what I did over the weekend and they
things work out. Lately the company he works for has been
wanted to tour the facilities where the actual machines are co-
Brian.
little horse Pico PoQuito had been found to really need some
escapades, but I think that was before I asked off to meet the
equine dentist.
is always tense. Quito comes from Mexico where they worked him
him badly. This horse is extremely shy around both people and
anything medicinal. I can fly spray him until he's toxic, but a
We had to drug him to get him into the stocks where the vet
horse has its jaw wired open and the horse is just as
The vet found missing teeth and teeth so sharp that he was
him finally out of the stocks back to his stall in the run-in
shed.
up. He loaded into the stocks with no issue. He's a sweet guy
that way. Even though vets had seen him periodically, the
equine dentist still showed me the many sharp edges on his teeth
with a minimum dose to take the edge off. Dancer was snoring
away with his mouth open, but still managing to fight the doctor
tooth and nail. The vet upped his dose to the standard and
Dancer collapsed in the stocks. Fortunately these stocks allow
the sides to swing away or there would have been little hope to
cold.
With the sides swung out, Dancer was out on his side. He
assume was Dancer's heart with a closed fist and calling for
the pain of the procedure that was only half completed, he was
like the road with signs proclaiming Uneven Lanes. Hay chewing
was all but impossible and I am glad they put a bunch of fiber
That vet had left him with his head tied up and struggled to
free him. Dancer was quickly released because this vet was
But when she dons her alter ego of J.D. Robb, I am enthralled.
Brian went out to buy some spark plugs and returned with a
sure.
How did a parts run for chump change turn into car shopping
in the big bucks range? When he left he had outlined the total
$500 budget for the overhaul of our old Subaru. One loan of
this car and the loanee had totaled the front in with an
accident with a tall curb two miles out of our driveway. It has
And how can Brian just spring "new car" to me like that?
that he took his lunch a few days last week. He does bear
watching.
current low finance rates isn't bad in itself, but it’s a shock
moved heaven and earth to get the network servers moved to the
room, and it did my heart good to see that his boss appreciated
it.
getting back fairly late for farmers. Then there is what no one
But we were tickled that Brian was recognized for hard work.
Brian, off to the chores, opened up the door from the bedroom
into the barn and then jumped back in, slammed the door and
at each other.
Brian ran out the other door and yelled to me not to open
the door. I pulled on baggy shorts that are hard to keep up and
door, the snake has slid under the welder. I am reasonably sure
While Brian stands guard with the hoe picked for its long
arm myself. I bypass the scythe with its sharp edge, as its
pick the rusty shovel. (Alas, it seems that all Martha Stewart
deaf ears.)
Had this snake been sidling along in the woods, we would have
with a win-win for us and the snake, here comes every hen we own
wonder how often I had passed unaware just two inches from a
snake in the barn. Uncharacteristically I began to get a yen to
When a tentative poke with the shovel had the snake landing
an enraged reptile.
the snake to leave the welding unit and Brian started gumming it
to death with the dull hoe. He was apologizing all the while he
sure it was dead or not, so I hit it with the side of the shovel
and nearly severed it in two. That was dead enough for us.
don't understand why anyone would pay $100 for two dinners. It
was loud and crowded. I told the server that only telepathy
what the special was and she assumed I was kidding. The smoke
from the bar was invading into a fair part of the restaurant,
but I seemed the only one who didn't want to smoke Lucky Strikes
second hand.
To be fair, the cut of meat was excellent. The service was
had obviously sat too long under the heat lamps. Our meat had
rare in the middle. They did manage not to let a wine sauce
small. And doing the math I can tell you that they charge $1.50
to say that the company website is down and that the problem is
sharing! Like Brian can affect what the ISP does especially
after midnight. He's good, but long distance mind control over
free to call us anytime, like you already do, from 10PM until
cell phone went off. If they didn’t call so much, that might
even be noteworthy.
laundry totally. Brian may or may not have had to buy underwear
bugs that have taken over my raised bed. The bugs have this
could squash these pests in a moment with poisons, but I can buy
why go there?
sprayed the raised bed denizens. And not a moment too soon.
much smoke from the burning it has blown up our way. Why it is
the worst air pollution quaintly described as “haze” in five
wonder what the effects on my two pregnant goats will be. The
what do they think all the animals we depend on for food and
some snacks and gave them free run of the place and let them
fact, the spray bottle itself was covered in fire ants. They
put into a garden for the sole benefit of fire ants. Further
research suggests that some ants like soap and oil. I just gave
was about to ask me my plans for next weekend, when the guy who
asked me about last weekend grabbed them by the arm and hustled
them off rather abruptly. He looked a little wild-eyed and
know any better I’d think he was warning them off, but surely I
am mistaken.
Neighbors
He's only ever been seen glancing nonchalantly over his shoulder
Rarely does he venture out, but when he does we know we are just
riff-raff to him.
long measuring gaze at the chicken coop and returned back to his
coop and prefer trees instead, now select trees in the dog
last week, but this time, this tiny brown bunny was almost
into brown leaves and grass dried out from our rainless state.
About six months ago we saw our first snake right outside
the barn. Since the barn ramps and floor is about one million
out of the bedroom into the barn, we finally had to dispatch the
their way around our barn shoes on a daily basis. Two days
snakes meant two more near heart attacks apiece. Snakes in the
And that the minute I relax, they will slither out and hand me
only are they ornamental, you can learn all about the facts of
life from conception to birth just hanging out in our goat
paddock.
will welcome you and pace your progress down the access road of
torture. They will flit along beside you and impatiently note
your slow progress from the power lines beside the road. I
woman owns it. They originally had 100 acres, but split it into
mission. The tortuous road does not enhance her business, and
she is always trying to get us to kick in for its repair. She
hasn't had much luck as I bet that the widow woman has more
have a right to use the road, but not wording to entitle the
if I had said yes, she would have enjoyed inventing them just
prior to dropping them off. The laser printer ink would still
later that the widow woman had never heard of this plan. In her
rosy world, the widow woman was sure I was mistaken, but it is
information.
There was the time before we moved that she came uninvited
lecture him about how she wanted that access road fixed. When
we first moved out, she welcomed me the first chance she had by
how much her "need to know" is thwarted by the trees. She can
hard to get much of a gist of our purpose from the access road.
doesn't care, she has to mutter uselessly from her side of the
fence.
The businesswoman has lately determined how much of our
the area had made a mistake with our trashcan. The widow woman
without our having to deal with anyone but the pleasant widow.
Brian had to take one of her trash bags out of our can to get
something had torn into her trash bag later before pick up
because when we came home the road was covered with trash not
know why we had thrown her trash around just because she had
assume she was using our trash can, but we never expected to
have confirmation out of her own lips. I was shocked that she
would do it without asking and shocked that she would admit it.
I assured her we did not maliciously strew her trash around
and I think she believed me. And when I explained that since
Brian likes to put trash out right before the pickup time that
think she has kept her trash to herself, for which we are much
obliged.
they ride around in. I know that they must be goat enthusiasts
from the golf cart for a second. I honestly thought that anyone
riding around in a golf cart ten yards from the house must be
disabled.
festival I've been playing with that bamboo flute I bought for
flute while I enjoy the great outdoors that the neighbors will
music lessons.
Wheelbarrows I Have Known
Century A.D.
linguistic skill and in the past month we've probably asked for
the "you-know" and the "thingy" much more often than actually
Libby had just kidded and I'm certain that I was unable to
was making quick with the fork and wheelbarrow to remove the
My mother had her last and best child, me, in the 1960s at
the advanced age of 38. Advanced for those days, anyway. She
good drugs and get your lipstick back on straight before they
let the husband in to see you and the new darling baby. Since I
most likely married one worse than dear old dad, and I'm not
probably would have hurled and then fainted as new goat mamas
the wheelbarrow.
nine of them, were even better. They reportedly could stick the
it being used that much. First the color was all-wrong. It was
itself.
riding lawn mower. Daddy had already picked one out, but when
we got to the store, Mama vetoed it because she said that the
that she didn't like. She just had a feeling about it and of
About the only thing I can remember using it for was having
joy rides. My dad would tow the grandkids around and as I was
house and she left some mighty slim pickings after she removed
didn't survive. The ugly tan wheelbarrow with the tow-hitch was
alone. That was the instrument in use last night at the goat
birthing.
That's not the only wheelbarrow we own. We have one from
enough for two horses' worth of manure and has minor claims to
once having been painted red. We keep that one up on the hill
It's the smallest muck cart I have ever seen. It was abandoned
when I moved into a rent house in Memphis where they once had
horses. The preppy doctor didn't want it and the lopsided wheel
for small jobs like a quick pick of the goat pen in the barn.
tired day my mom, dad and I were all out taking a recreational
popular, we are out walking and talking until my mom just gave
out. She looked just ready to sink to the ground and declared
his lifetime. And when my dad saw my mom in such a sorry state
he knew just what to do. He told her to wait right there and
figured that the air conditioning in the car would have gotten
Then he went on and told her that he'd get home quick and
trundle that wheelbarrow back for her and tote her home in no
trip home. I imagine that she found the idea of herself being
big tires to roll over our rocky terrain. But I hate to break
tradition and actually buy one at the store. It just seems kind
call.
You Are What Your Chicken Eats
Nowadays blue potatoes and blue corn are hot organic items
Cheese as well.
nature.
assumption that oats, corn and alfalfa and their ilk make their
This year is our first year to raise chicks from our own
stock. Last year we bought the parents days old and dutifully
raised them to maturity on mysteriously gray crumbles. When the
for me to drag out my very good chicken book by Gail Damerow and
used my goat book from J.D. Belanger to figure out how to arrive
at the local feed store. The local feed store figured anyone
charged accordingly.
feed store not only carried the big brand feeds but also carried
the soybean meal and barley and most of the other whole feeds I
reading off of our feed list from a yellow legal pad. It seemed
so normal to me at the time. Eventually the legal pad was
They still talk about that legal pad though. It made quite the
impression.
show me how feeds fell into nutrition groups. And I bought some
supplement.
threw out that plan. They would no longer eat the old layer
ration.
that chickens must know chicken food better than the sellers of
the drawing room wall, its motto will read, "You are what your
chicken eats."
feed our chicks the antibiotics that come in every bag of chick
too.
research and are validated by sales everyday. And all the feed
neither am I.
At the two week mark, every chick that made it through hatch
realized how much more amenable the brooder coop smelled this
chick feed.
defence. Makes me regret that last year I fed chick starter the
is that the animal in question always gets the short end of the
but if I owned that horse today, it would have had an even shot
trying to figure out how to ask the question I don't know I need
to ask.
So today I have a horse trailer and a good vet. And a good
presentations.
rare or odd, I'd be the one to experience it. I've always said,
There was another vet that had seen my goats, but as he was
alone and your goat is in trouble. But all they said for breech
births was, "Call the vet." Great advice, but I already knew
that.
It is a terrible feeling to be kneeling in the bloody hay
for us, but until the prayer has been answered, the troubled
Some of that prayer was answered as "Plan B" vet had the odd
answering machine when he was vacationing. This vet who had not
tried his number. He was heading out toward another call and
couldn't help me, but he did tell me enough to figure out that
was out of action due to a bad car wreck, but whose partner
delivered.
feel that kid was in a breech presentation, but not exactly what
the delivery had folded the kids back end and the confusing
clinic, 30 miles to the west. But now we were not sure how to
large space. The back of the truck was out of the question
fault of its own, the '95 Impreza had faced early retirement
the room, except for the austerely rocky and nearly impassible
road. No problem. The Subaru with ABS plainly kicking in, was
rural area where the access road was perilous on dry days.
When we got the first rain at our new place in the country,
we found that our gate is swamped with the run off of all of our
July 3rd after a week of rain and our small pet goat kid, Noah,
rescue.
Impreza was the hard ride on the seats and how the shifter kept
of is how nice the hatch part of the Outback would be for our
that look in my eye and didn't say much when I donated his
poor Meg. My only dread was getting this heavy goat up into the
back of the hatch area of the Outback. For all I knew she would
soon be in the back seat making her way to the front. I watched
road. After a few miles Meg nestled down and made no complaint.
right. I was resigned that Meg's kids were beyond saving, but I
Meg gave a terrible scream, and then her stillborn kids were
delivered. It took no time and before you knew it, the vet
easily lifted Meg and returned her back through the hatch to the
waiting Outback. (Yes, the goat herself had to help when it was
the vet. Meg rode in comfort after her ordeal back home. We
drove up into the barn and in her comfy state Meg declined
little wipe up. You'd never know my bloody goat rode back there
I fear that trendy has not gotten more sensible. I've probably
that's what they are. I've seen the station wagon twice in my
life come and go out of fashion and I'm betting that we are
I'd really rather stay totally off the trendy radar. Especially
one too.
ignorant because that didn't make any sense whatever and I could
spell all the words before I heard them put together just that
can't handle.
that thought I was just a master whiner were only half right.
And just when I thought living the Nouveau Rural life was
going to kill me, I find out it may have been key to keeping
After all no matter what ails you, a milk goat with a full
tired if you are doing it while you are filling a milk pail and
trade.
And when you work that hard to produce milk, cheese, eggs
and pork, you tend to eat milk, cheese, eggs and pork. We've
complement milk, cheese, eggs and pork. Like Dr. Pepper and
bottled water. Well a low carb diet is the first, best thing
you can do for insulin resistance. After the doctor lowered the
that milk, cheese, eggs and pork are all low carb. Phew!
turning brown with all the exercise and low carb fresh food
choices.
That sounds really positive, but just between you and me.
World War II (or just The War in our house) made me realize that
taken for granted. Reading Gone With the Wind didn't help. I
really got into the story line where an affluent society's food
today, but probably Scarlett O'Hara would have said the same
manure into hog feed have met horrified stares over their paper
removed from the dinner table, I find that people don't want to
they eat. Few want to recognize the fact they eat animals,
common sense tells me that lobbyists are affecting the laws and
We started out towards our goals with chickens for eggs and
added goat milk to the equation. We were able to raise our own
eye and turns white around the mouth and will only mutter
mind of its own and other than running to keep up the watering
strung some twine around and between the t-posts supporting the
garden. That was effective for about two weeks. I suppose that
the twine still exists down there under the morass of tomato
vines, but no one can really say for sure. Tomato vines have
nitrogen boost and I'm here to tell you that fish emulsion
really smells. I'd like to add more composted poop, sand and
I cant' see the garden for the plants in the wild tangle
trouble getting the roly-poly bugs to lay off long enough to get
with the burgeoning and manic tomato vines. I've got yard long
the future.
garden potential.
to the house with one miniature white cucumber, two okra and six
appetites and have you wrestling over the last little bit of
fried okra. We didn't know that despised vegetables could be so
can make mistakes. I can learn from mistakes and openly discuss
objective.
realm, mistakes are not allowed. I'm not sure what follows the
I'm not sure how mistakes became taboo. It's not like any
I have only started down the path toward my goals, but I owe
global leader.
simple."
as necessary.
give me a look that clearly said, "I don't like that fishnet
that I almost pause before continuing. But the truth must come
it won't be easy.
science.
trough and line it with shavings and bait it with some of the
located are pricey feeders and waterers. Later you will find out
that they are engineered to waste feed and the reservoir to the
before you get out of the store. Any newbie qualms dissipate in
Out of thin air she can produce an empty box just perfect
for getting your little brood home. Before I could blink I had
how to catch a chick, but she was quite helpful. And while we
filled up the box she told stories about her birds including old
I was all set. I had an empty tub just like the one they
were using to house the chicks. My last question was how long I
window as I drove away. Those birds were over the side of that
little western chick town out there before long I guess. And as
The first house is wired for electricity and has both a screen
put a gate to the run in, so I tend to delegate hopping over the
the maiden voyage of the chicks out into their own rooster-proof
preferred even the most primitive gate, but I guess men are
different.)
large roomy house with roosts they had been sitting on prior to
the trip over the fence to pitch reluctant chicks into the
15. The funny boy actually asked me if I was sure there were
Not in the run. Not outside the run. Not in the house.
never got the same number. They moved and I either missed them
two escapees.
chicks. Brian popped yet again over the fence to see if the
chicks had managed to get under the house. A long shot, but
made way for dark. We spent some time poking away. While Brian
was telling me how useless this all was, one chick interrupted
caught it.
house and more stick poking. Finally I was convinced that the
It was a brilliant idea but the jack wouldn't fit under the
and began an arduous task of scraping out a shallow pit for the
After we pulled the chick feet first from under the hut I
went into the house and pulled out my chicken manual that
Liar! Liar!
Poopology
request to Hollywood.
far to collect any poop specimen in a wooden bowl for the sniff
domes. And one eating way too rich is excreting tootsie rolls.
of how much and what a goat should eat. Until I had some
requirements of goats change for many reasons and the poop has
the ravages of a dog pack. But the dillo was smart enough to
figure out the use of the dog door much quicker than most of our
I can't ask "how was your day, dear?" and expect much of an
where they spending their time and how much time. Since horses
poop evidence it was revealed that Pico PoQuito was not chewing
first goat paddock for our first kids, Noah and Ben, I asked my
coyote scat notable with its chewed but undigested fur scraps
I came to pick the paddock, the manure piles with the most
We did have very few flies while the hister beetles were in
the horses from being on bare dirt. If you've kept horses you
know how much they love grass paddocks and how rough they are on
best friend.
gone from two to seven in nearly no time and when you have to
keep the does from the buck from the wethers, it can sure add up
to a few paddocks.
did the horses, I was concerned about how many paddocks I would
I put the buck in the pigpen. The pigs had rooted and
throughout the pigpen. The next set of feeder pigs will have
and the next week I had two. Reluctantly I put my does in what
some decent grass and I was loath to have my horses miss it and
the greenest and the best. The does have been every bit as good
pellets. And it seems that Nubians eat very little grass and
what I can about compost but mainly it just confuses me. There
composting activities.
is to collect horse poop into a pile and randomly turn with the
applied.
goat paddock. Only when the goat obliges by pooping on hay can
you remove the hay and get some portion of the pellets. Forget
that.
fish emulsion that aged horse poop is the wonder mix for
gardens.
horse poop. You would think that this would produce enough
One raised bed required about six months of aged poop. I figure
see the middle-aged overweight woman who was mildly speaking not
from the parking lot was a trial. By now my chronic heel pain
believed me. State contracts run for years until you die of old
It’s never good when I’m right and I wonder if one day
told me I could work for the guy they promoted and basically
prop him up, doing the work in his job description. They
sure what I should do about any of it. The job market was
marriage?
sugar substitutes just didn’t agree with me. My life long Dr.
Pepper habit had to go. There was no way to fit even one can of
sugared soda into the carb budget and still eat any real food.
caffeine habit.
I started this diet with idea of maybe out living my mother
that I’d lost 7 pounds. I hadn’t lost any weight in the last
back, but my innate need for financial security pushed all these
realize that being laid off might not be the worst option. Many
of the people who survived the layoff seemed 10 years older and
get the “Senior” part of my old title. I felt like I was being
the same energy left over after work that I had working for the
state, and dried off the goats to avoid the twice daily milking.
balance in my life.
lessons. By now I’d lost 40 pounds and the few times I sat on a
horse, it was like I was wearing someone else’s body. I’d have
to start over.
And now the goats are bred and I don’t know how I will do
it, but I’m hoping to squeeze in milking with work and riding.
I miss goat milk and making cheese. I’m optimistic if not
certain.
beard.
such a get up. But I didn’t think to find him on Highway 360,
guard.
sound), the female goat, that has the spotlight. Most of the
but rarely your own as they are related to some if not most of
for a goat. He was the type of goat that would blame us for
rain, which he detested and once stood out in until he was sick
was renamed “no, No, NO! Noah” as he had quite the knack for
Noah and Ben were twins, which is common in does after their
putting together. We had two dogs and two horses and now we had
two goats. Ben got his name based on the Benjamin Franklin we
for pet goats. My horse was a city horse used to the bustle of
with only his buddy horse for company. I was hoping to use the
that the nearby presence of Ben and Noah would count as herd.
whined, and was handy with his short horns that had resisted
in the eye with a horn. Brian healed thankfully, but Noah was
sold off. We’ve had several goats with horns since, but none
moving into the favored pet slot. We’ve always let the kids
nurse from their mother’s until we wean them at two months, but
we’ve never bottle fed them. Our last batch of kids is a bit
They are not pets. They haven’t been castrated. And yet they
off. However having two extra grown bucks does cause its
problems.
They don’t use their horns on Brian like Noah, but they have
broken down their fragile pen fence numerous times. I keep the
does about 500 feet down the hill, but that might as well be 5
feet for the expert senses of a buck. Once they get a visual on
the does, nothing short of brute strength will tear them away.
Brian has his own time proven wrong fencing techniques and
lugging the 150 pound roll of fencing around that will actually
the barn. I used food to get the does in their pen and Ben
being an old friend of the buck, I lured him in to spend the day
with Ben, so I had all the goats penned. However that left the
other buck that did not escape franticly alone up the hill.
Until the fence was fixed I couldn’t put the other buck back, so
I let the lonely buck out and with a little food he joined the
one another.
night and the current pen didn’t provide enough shelter for all
three goats so Brian was coming home early to fix the fence.
I told Brian that after he got the fence fixed, I’d move the
does off out of temptation’s way and we could transfer the bucks
stable to ride.
I was almost back home when I got a frantic call from Brian
saying that he was worn clean out and needed my help getting the
hung up.
Brian laying flat on the now very cold ground. When I got
dogs were barking like crazy and the does were still out casting
lascivious glances at the poor buck flattened on the ground.
I’ve seen Brian look better after he ran a marathon. I was not
the goat and exhausted Brian, but I heard anyway that Brian had
learned that he was quite bruised from the horns while he pulled
that Brian was quite tenacious and stronger than the goat to
have performed this feat. I just didn’t know why he had done
it.
saw me. It seems his plan was for me to drive up the truck and
he was going to throw this rather heavy goat in the back and lay
about to have him further pummeled under the hooves and horns of
Now we have a savvy neighbor that can hog tie a goat and
drive away with him lying quiet, but neither of us is savvy and
way was I going to get the truck. Brian protesting all the
while at the waste of effort he had put into smashing the goat
to the ground and waiting who knows how long for me to get home
from work. Instead we let the terrified buck up. Then we put
our pet goat Ben, who gladly follows us anywhere, into the pen
then took all the does into the barn and shut all the doors.
lead rope around Ben’s sweet little tame neck and daintily
walked him up the hill in the now dark. The ornery buck trotted
getting the buck into the pen so easily. I couldn’t help it. I
built into the side of the barn as interior room with its own
load-bearing roof. We had to convince them with strong words
between the wall and the ceiling wasn’t acceptable. This is for
I’m serious in that they were leaving a two-foot gap open to the
air regardless that it was under the general barn roof. Were we
and weather at bay? Why have walls at all if they don’t meet
whole rather than take the loss himself. Even without gaps, the
out miles away from where they should have been shot home into a
stud. Then they painted the outside walls with such a watery
substitute for paint I do believe it was the wash water from the
previous job.
We moved the horse feed into the feed room after the
the ceiling and not just within two feet of the ceiling were a
part of the contract. We were left with whitewashed wood and
we were going to get. Any further delays just ate our money.
We had no sooner filled the feed room with all the things
that would not fit into the tiny house that we immediately knew
we had mice. Holes were in all the feed bags. There were
had a dog door and obviously the dogs didn’t mind allowing
mice were just boldly running through the dog door and over the
open space between the feed room and dog room, which shared a
We still had mice. The little prints in the dusty feed room
looked like they had nightly salsa dancing. Mousey hilarity was
fueled by horse supplements and goat vitamins making the
finally turned the lights in the barn on. We have quite the
well-lighted barn when all the bulbs work; you can read fine
feed room lights off and stumbled around in the near but not
quite dark. Ah ha! You could only see it from certain angles
fist-sized holes giving access straight into the barn. Too big
for caulk, Brian resorted to foam and in some cases short pieces
looters. Not even dust was getting in. The dark dust stirred
up by the dogs cleared out and only the fine white feed dust was
present.
to admit that what we feared had come upon us. The rodents were
evidence we calculated there was just one and that he was now
than sealing out all the rodents we had sealed one in with all
or two but had no idea what hijinks one lone mouse would really
stir up. He liked to sample new feed bags fresh from the feed
store and would put one quarter sized hole in the bottom
quadrant of the bag; just one hole per bag. No lone mouse
sampling of the favored treats gathered all over the rat’s scope
treasure. What my mom should have said was that my hair looked
like a horse’s tail that had been rubbed on the fence and not
properly tended since the previous spring. That would have been
recently, naturally.
kite with the beautiful streamers had been bobbed with each
wood smaller than two inches could be overcome. Steel wool was
pried out of gaps and thrown to the floor with random abandon.
The A/C unit was gnawed until it now leaked into the room and
hunting were a man’s venue and let Brian take the lead in mouse
mouse traps. They were wooden and you put the piece of cheese
The unwary mouse would get snapped and your finger too at least
traps.
it. The poop on retrospect had grown since the early days of
headlong rush. This time large, rat-sized glue traps were added
We hit pay dirt! The mouse hit the glue trap and was stuck.
the floor still stuck to the trap where he drug the trap to a
chair leg where he had traction and left a good two square
inches of fur embedded in the glue trap before making good his
is any example.)
Naturally he never came near a glue trap ever again. They
glue.
dogs, but I thought the mouse would scurry up a beam and easily
encounter one in the feed room and I’m not sure that Brian
changed and his leather saddle didn’t fit. Lack of funds and an
loved it. And it was far lighter to carry. I’ve been sold ever
since.
realized that underneath on the two points where the saddle has
the most contact with the horses back, were two quarter-sized
a saddle.
that the mouse must go down. All previous failures dimmed from
feed room might as well go sit out into the barn at large. If
whether it was the one trapped inside the feed room or the
this mouse.
And a great mouse hunt was enacted. From box to box each
not found. The conclusion was that when we removed the boxes
from the feed room the mouse had been removed along with them
It was on our to-do list to return all the boxes to the feed
room but it never quite popped to the top. A good thing because
and crashing about in the feed romm and know that Brian was
didn’t seem to impair the mouse one bit. I told myself not to
be such a ninny, but time after time I’d see the mouse and just
mouse beating like his propped by the feed room door too. I
The worst thing about mouse sightings is that you are never
A/C water runoff that collected under the A/C courtesy of how
the mouse had chewed the unit when I moved a bucket and was
still the mouse was at either end. We’d catch a glimpse of him
and the chase would be on again. And I’m still yelling promises
towards the insulated piping for the water faucet on the other
yell, I stuck my stick into the gap between the pipe and the
wall and the mouse discovered he found a dead end with and angry
of the worst things I’ve ever had to do. There was no way to
the space with pliers and take it out and throw it in the woods.
This mouse had been such a forceful foe that Brian truly
wished he could take a trophy from it. If the pelt had been any
the woods. I could not bear to even look, but Brian said it had
the most beautiful pelt and not counting the tail was fully
failed us, the only thing we had going for us was luck and two
sticks.
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