Mod C Feedback

General:
o If this essay was for another question talking on how texts reveal the truth
behind political motivation it would be perfect! There is focus on revealing
the reality behind situations, and dispelling myths
o In terms of relating to this question it is linked especially with WWWT,
however definitely could be stronger links --> particularly the control
ultimate goal you talk about control but not as the final end point (to
get around this if its not mentioned explicitly in your texts you can talk
about it in terms of universal human values  ie all politicians want
control, its within their human nature)
o Do not restate the question!! If anything substitute different words but
never just word for word put it in !
o In terms of ambiguity If your texts don’t mention or show WHY the gov
wants to keep refugees out, etc then that is ambiguous in itself! They
choose to not reveal any information.
Intro:
o Various modes such as texts sounds a little off, various mediums?
Through a variety of text types such as novels?  try rewording
o Your 3rd sentence is very clunky!  “ Thus composers whose texts argue
against the established ideas, addressing this ambiguity, allow clarity on
these political issues.”
o “ which deals” not who deals
P1
o Try another word other than ambiguity the erroneous representation?
The misrepresentation of Indigenous Australians
o Credibility, and as an ordinary
o There is a technique for him admitting his own ignorance!  anecdotal
the readers learn from his past mistakes
o I enjoy this paragraph!
o However mention control!  why was there a motivation to control the
public view? What policy ( white Australian policy)
o If you want to cut: Take out:
o “as a result….. in schools”.
 o Condense your Anzac example there is a lot of examples and
explanation here which is not needed  so long as you acknowledge the
significance of ANZAC and the difference in remembrance it is enough
P2
o Find another word other than ambiguous!!  already popped up too
many times 
o The 2nd setnece is too long. Stop it at terrorism. The control aspect talk
about separately if people are afraid they are easier to control this is
the point of view you will have to take which will need another
sentence
o Good use of example and technique!
Conclusion:
o Reword!!! Don’t copy the question
o Good 2nd sentence
o Again a 2 sentence conclusion is pushing it  expand a little more on it
Overall this essay ( apart from the conclusion), is quite good! You should be
proud of it especially if you haven’t thought about texts in terms of control
and power. If you are looking to cut, cut examples/ words in the body
paragraph  the introduction although is long is very solid 
Mark: 18/20 (