Miss Phathupats

by: Juan Crisostomo Soto

(1) The face of a young woman named Miss Yeyeng is full of lipstick and make-up. They say his
parents were born in the remote part of Pampanga, in its smallest town. Thus, Miss Yeyeng is a
Filipina from head to toe, and even the extremity of her hair, she is a Kapampangan.
(2) Because of poverty, they sell cooked food to earn a living. Miss Yeyeng could be seen with a
load in her head some “ginataan” or “bitso-bitso” or donut in the gambling dens. She turned into
a young lady with no chance to change her life’s condition.
(3)The revolution was over. The military government of America opened a school and here, the
American soldiers were sent to teach. Miss Yeyeng, not yet a lady at that time, happened to
have a regular costumer who is a soldier. She was enticed by the soldier to attend his class so
that they would be able to communicate better. In their conversation, the soldier speaks English
while Miss Yeyeng speaks Kapampangan, so she was forced to study.
(4) After a few months, Miss Yeyeng already speaks English. Over eight months, with the
encouragement of the soldier, she was sent to teach to the other town.
(5) When she was teaching there, the town’s folk were much amazed with her because she
speaks English better than them.
(6) That was how time passed by. Then, Miss Yeyeng seldom spoke Kapampangan because
she said she forgot the language already. According to her, Kapampangan is stiff and her
tongue is twisted whenever she uses it, so she could never speak it straightly anymore and she
stammers when she does so.
(7) People who know much about her shrugged off their shoulders upon hearing her. And so,
they changed her name into a lurid and stinking "Miss Phathupats," a name derived from her
wide hip which is forced to fit in a very tight pencil cut skirt that made her no less than that of a
“patupat” or “suman sa ibus” tightly wrapped in a banana leaf.
(8) Since then, this is the name they branded her, forgetting permanently Yeyeng, her sweet
nickname. Her name Miss Phathupats became so popular.
(9) Life went on as usual. Soon, Ing Emangabiran, a highlander Kapampangan newspaper in
Bacolor circulated. In a festival or entertainment program in town X, wherein Miss Phathupats
attended, this newspaper was read. She came close to the reader, but when she saw that it is
written in Kapampangan, she pouted slightly, and said.
(10) "Mi no entiende el Pampango." (“I do not understand Kapampangan.”
(11) "Mi no entiende ese Castellano, Miss," (“I Also do not understand Spanish, Miss.”) also said
by a prank, varying his tone.
(12) All folks in the crowd smiled, and because they are refined, they did not show wariness to
the lady. However, this girl, even though she feels that they are already teasing her, went on
and said:
(13) "In fact, I really find difficulty to speak in Kapampangan especially when I read it."
(14) With these few words she uttered came all different vulgar words from English, Spanish.
Tagalog that she mixed without meaning. Those who heard her had not prevented themselves:
they laughed out loud.
(15) Miss Phathupats became angry, she faced them and said:
(16) "Porque reir?"
(17) "Por el tsampurado, miss," said the first to respond.
(18) This made the laughter even louder and Miss Phathupats felt warm.
(19) One of those who are standing said.
(20) "You should not wonder if Miss Phathupats doesn’t know Kapampangan anymore: First,
she has been with the American soldier for a long time: second, she’s not a Kapampangan,
anymore. In fact, Miss Phathupats is her name.
(21) This was when the volcano exploded. A very loud explosion, Miss Phathupats was so
angry that from her mouth came the flames of Vesubiyo or all the filthy words in Kapampangan
brought together in a burning crater.
(22) "Shameless! Thief! Poisonous! Son*#@!," said in the Kapampangan language.
(23) "Well, she’s a Kapampangan anyway!" said the listeners.
(24) "Yes, don’t you know?" Said someone who knows her. "She's the daughter of Godiung
Pakbong who is my town mate."
(25) There was again another loud laughter from the listeners. Miss Phathupats wept and as
she wiped her tears came along the thick powder on her cheeks. Her natural color was
revealed, darker than a “duhat” (Black plum or java plum). When they saw this, the more that
they laughed at her and said:
(26) "Oh my, I can’t believe she’s black!"
(27) “Your right, she’s an American Niger!"
(28) Yells, claps, laughter was heard. Miss Phathupats was not able to endure this. She
stumbled as she went out and said:
(29) "Mi no vuelve en esta casa."
(30) "Goodbye, Miss who doesn’t know Kapampangan!"
(31) "Goodbye, Miss Alice Roosevelt!"
(32) "Goodbye, Miss Phathupats!"
(33) That was how she was humiliated by all of them, and poor Yeyeng left mumbling like a fool.
(34) There are many Miss Phathupats today. They do not know Kapampangan or they are
ashamed of Kapampangan because they can already speak Carabao English.

Si Miss Phathupats
Isinalin ni Lourdes H. Vidal

(1) Punong puno ng kolorete ang mukha ng dalagang si Miss Yeyeng. Sabi nila ipinanganak
ang kanyang mga magulang sa sulok ng Pampanga, sa pinakamaliliit na bayan nito. Dahil dito
Pilipina si Miss Yeyeng mula ulo hanggangpaa, at kahit sa kadulu-duluhan ng kanyang buhok,
kapampangan siya.

(2) Dahil mahirap lang sila, pagtitinda ang ikinabubuhay. Nakikita si Miss Yeyeng na sunong
ang ginataan o kaya bitso-bitso na inilalako niya sa mga sugalan. Nagdalagang walang
pagbabago sa buhay nitong binibini.

(3) Natapos ang rebolusyon. Nagbukas ng paaralan ang pamahalaang militar ng America at dito
pinagturo ang mga sundalong Americano. Nangyaring si Miss Yeyeng pa noo, ala ang binibini,
ay nagkaroon ng suking sundalo. Inakit ng sundalong mag-aral ang dalaga sa paaralang
kanyang pinagtuturuan upang magkaintindihan sila. Sa kanilang pag-uusap, nag-iingles ang
sundalo, nagkaka-pampangan si Miss Yeyeng, kaya napilitan siyang mag-aral.

(4) Pagkaraan ng ilang buwan, nagsasalita na ng ingles si Miss Yeyeng, paglipas ng walong
buwan, a amuki ng gurong kawal, ipinahatid siya sa isang bayang kung siya pinagtuturo.

(5) Noong nagtuturo doon, pinahinga niya ang taumbayan dahil nakikita niyang mas marunong
siya ng ingles kaysa sa kanila.

(6) Ganyan lumipas ang panahon. Halos hindi na nagsalita si Miss Yeyeng ng kapampangan
dahil sabi niya ay nakalimutan na niya. Matigas daw ang kapampangan at nababaluktot ang
kanyang dila, kaya kalianman hindi na siya makapagsalita ng tuwid at nauutal siya.

(7) Nagkalabitan ang mga maalam na nakakakilala sa kanya pagkarinig nito. Pinalitan tuloy ang
kanyang pangalan at pinangalanan siya ng matunog at umaalingasaw na “Miss Phathupats,”
pangalang hango sa malapad niyang balakang na pilit na iniipit sa pahang mahigpit na ginamit
niya, kaya ala siyang iniwan sa patupat o suman sa ibus na mahigpit ang ballot.

(8) Magmula noon ito ang pangalang ibinansg sa kanya at nakalimutan nilang tuluyan ang
Yeyeng, ang malambing niyang palayaw. Ang Miss Phathupats ang naging palasak.

(9) Ganito nang ganito ang buhay. Hindi nagtagal lumabas ang Ing Emangabiran, pahayagang
kapampangan sa Bacoor. Sa isang pista o belada sa bayang X, na kung saan dumalo si Miss
Phathupats, binabasa ito. Lumapit siya, ngunit nang Makita na kapampangan ang binabasa,
lumabi ng kunti, umiling at nagsabi.

(10) “Mi no entiende el Pampango”

(11) “Mi no entiende ese Castellano, Miss,” sabi naman ng isang sutsut, ginagad ang kanyang
tono.

(12) Napangiti lahat ng nasa umpukan: at sapagkat may pinag aralan sila, hindi na nila ipinakita
ang pagkakaali nila sa binibini. At ito namang babae kahit alam na parang tinutukso na siya ay
nagpatuloy din at nagsabi:

(13) “Sa katunayan, totoong nahihirapan na akong bumigkas ng kapampangan lalo na kung
binabasa ko.”

(14) Dito sa iilang salitang binigkas niya, sumama lahat ng iba’t ibang wika na talasalitaang
bulgar ng Ingles, Kastila. Tagalog na pinaghalu-halo niya ang walang kawawaan. Hindi na
nakapagpigil ang mga nakarinig; napatawa sila ng malakas.
(15) Nagalit si Miss Phathupats, hinarap ang mga tumatawa at sabi niya:

(16) “Porque reir?”

(17) “Por el tsampurado, miss,” sbi ng unang sumagot.

(18) Lalong lumakas ang halakhak ng mga nakikinig at nag-init ang pakiramdam ni Miss
Phathupats.

(19) Isa sa mga nakatayo ang nagsabi ng ganito.

(20) “Hindi kayo dapat magtaka kung hindi na marunong ng kapampangan si Miss Phathupats:
Una, dahil matagal na siyang nakisama sa mga kawal na Americano: pangalawa, hindi na siya
kapampangan, katunayan Miss Phathupats ang kanyang pangalan.

(21) Noon na sumabog ang bulkan. Putok na ubod nang lakas, sumabog ang kaldero ni Miss
Phathupats at mula sa bunganga niyang naglalawa lumabas ang lagablab ng Vesubiyo o ang
lahat ng maruming salita sa kapampangan, bigla niyang pinagsama-sama sa nag-aapoy na
bunganga.

(22) “Walang hiya! Magnanakaw! Taga-lason! Anak-!” sabi sa tinurang wikang kapampangan.

(23) “Aba, kapampangan pala siya!” sabi ng mga nakarinig.

(24) “Oo, hindi ba ninyo alam?” sabi ng nakakakilala sa kanya. “Anak siya ni matandang
Godiung Pakbong na aking kanayon.”

(25) Napahalakhak nang malakas ang mga nanonood. Napaiyak na si Miss Phathupats at sa
pagpupunas sa kanyang tumutulong luha sumama ang makapal niyang pulbos sa pisngi.
Lumitaw ang likas niyang kulay, maitim pa siya sa duhat. Nang Makita ito ng mga nanonood lalo
na silang napatawa at nagsabi:

(26) “Aba! Maitim pala siya!”

(27) “Oo, Americanang negra siya!”

(28) Sigawan, palakpak, halakhakan ang narinig noon. Hindi na nakatiis si Miss Phathupats.
Nagkandarapa sa paglabas sa daan at sabi niya:

(29) “Mi no vuelve en esta casa.”

(30) “Paalam, Miss na hindi marunong ng kapampangan!”

(31) “Paalam, Miss Alice Roosevelt!”

(32) “Paalam, Miss Phathupats!”

(33) Ganyan ang pinagtutulung-tulungan, at ang kawawang Yeyeng ay umalis na

bubulung-bulong na parang ulol.

(34) Napakarami ng mga Miss Phathupats sa panahon ngayon. Hindi na sila marunong ng
kapampangan o ikinakahiya na nila ang kapampangan dahil nakakapagsalita na sila ng ingles
na tsampurado

MISS PHATHUPATS
by Juan Crisostomo Sotto
translated in English by Dr. Edna Manlapaz

Miss Yeyeng was a young woman who painted a heavy coat of rouge on her face. They say that
her parents were born in a corner of Pampanga, in one of the smallest towns of the province.
Because of this, Miss Yeyeng was a Filipina from head to foot, a Kapampangan to the very tip
of her hair.

Her family, being poor, earned its living by peddling food; and Miss Yeyeng was frequently seen
selling guinatan or bichu-bichu, which she carried in baskets on top of her head and peddled
around gambling places. Up to this time, nothing had changed in the life of this miss.

The revolution ended. The American military government opened schools and assigned some
soldiers to teach there. It happened that Yeyeng – she was still Yeyeng at the time, without the
title “Miss” – had a customer among these soldiers or teacher-soldiers. This customer urged her
to study in the school where he was teaching, so that they would understand each other; as of
then, the soldier would speak in English and Yeyeng in Kapampangan, so Yeyeng tried hard to
learn the new language.

After just a few months, Miss Yeyeng already spoke English; after exactly eight months, on the
recommendation of the teacher-soldier, Yeyeng was sent to another town to be a teacher there.

Once she became a teacher, the people there naturally looked up to her because they saw that
she knew more English that they did.

That was so how the time passed: Miss Yeyeng hardly ever spoke Kapampangan anymore
because, according to her, she had already forgotten how. She also claimed that Kapampangan
was hard to pronounce and twisted her tongue, which was why she could no longer speak
straight Kapampangan.
When they heard of this, the mischievous people who knew her immediately began to poke fun
at her behind her back. They even went so far as to change her name, calling her by the
clangorous and mocking name of “Miss Phathupats,” a reference to her wide hips, which she
tried hard to constrict by means of a tight corset she wore, with the result that she resembled a
patupat, or tightly bound suman.
From that time, the name caught on and people consequently forgot her nice-sounding
nickname of Yeyeng. She came to be known as Miss Phathupats.

Not long after, there appeared Ing Emangabiran, a Kapampangan newspaper published in
Bacolor. During a fiesta in town X, where Miss Phathupats happened to be, she saw some
people reading it. When she came nearer, however, and saw that the newspaper was in
Kapampangan, she pouted, shook her head in obvious disapproval and said:

“Mi no entiende Kapampangan.”

“Mi no entiende ese Castellano, Miss,” answered a mischievous fellow. He mimicked her tone of
voice.

Those who were around smiled; but because they were well-bred, they concealed their
amusement from the pretty Miss. Even though she knew they were laughing at her, she
continued:

“Frankly, I find much difficulty speaking in Pampangan, and even more so in reading it.”

In the little speech she proceeded to give, she sounded like a fish vendor’s wife, speaking a
smattering of English, Spanish and Tagalog, all of which she mixed up in some sort of gibberish.
The listeners could not contain themselves any longer and burst out laughing.

Miss Phathupats was angered; she faced those who were laughing and asked:

“¿Por qué reír?"

“Por el champurao, Miss,” answered the same fellow.

Those who were listening laughed all the more loudly and Miss Phathupats’ temperature began
to rise.

One of those standing by said:

“Do not wonder that the Miss does not know Kapampangan: first, because she has long
associated with the American soldiers, and secondly, she is no longer Kapampangan. The proof
of this is that her name is Miss Phathupats.”
At that, all hell broke loose. The explosion was so powerful that Miss Phathupats’ cauldron burst
and from her mouth overflowed the fiery lava of Vesuvius, or in other words, a torrent of all the
dirty words in Kapampangan came rushing out of her fuming mouth.

“Shameless people! Robbers! Swindlers! Sons of –!” all said in Kapampangan.

“Aha! So she is a Kapampangan, after all,” said the listeners.

“Yes, didn’t you know?” asked one of those who knew her. “She is the daughter of old Gading
the Braggart from my barrio.”

The spectators laughed out loud. At that, Miss Phathupats broke into tears and as she wiped
away the tears streaming down her face, she also unwittingly removed the thick coat of makeup
on it. Her face then showed its true color, a color darker than the duhat fruit. When the
spectators saw this, they laughed all the more and said:

“Aha! So she is dark-complexioned!”

“Yes, she is an American Negro!”

There was shouting, clapping of hands, and laughter. Miss Phathupats could not take any more.
She stumbled out and said:

“Mi no vuelve en esta casa.”

“Adiós, Miss-who-doesn’t-know-Kapampangan.”

“Adiós, Miss Alice Roosevelt!”

“Adiós, Miss Phathupats!”

That is how they all ganged up on her. And poor Yeyeng left muttering to herself, with her tail
between her legs.

How many Miss Phathupats are there these days, who no longer know Kapampangan or who
are ashamed of Kapampangan just because they can speak pidgin English?