You are on page 1of 4

12/4/2018 Memo to Our Sons and Grandsons: The Future Is Female | Psychology Today

Find a Therapist (City or Zip) Verified by Psychology Today

Mark Sherman Ph.D.


Real Men Don't Write Blogs

Memo to Our Sons and Grandsons: The Future


Is Female
Our boys struggle, but the nation’s attention remains focused on girls
Posted Mar 02, 2017

SHARE TWEET EMAIL LESS

SHARE SHARE WHATSAPP SHARE

I must say that when I read of Hillary Clinton’s recent video proclamation to MAKERS (an AOL-sponsored group
where trailblazing women tell their stories) that “the future is female,” my mind immediately raced to my four
grandsons, ages 3, 7, 10, and 11. What would the two older ones think if and when they heard or read of this
statement, which emanated from someone who came very close to being our president (and for whom I had
voted)? In fact, what does this say to Clinton’s own grandson, Aidan, who is now eight months old? The message
to her granddaughter, 2-year-old Charlotte is clear and encouraging. But what about Aidan? And all his baby boy
peers?  

I suspected I was not alone with these feelings, and when read this, I knew it:

"Imagine, if you will, an audience of little boys—let’s pretend they’re second- and third-graders—forced to sit in
an auditorium and listen to Hillary Clinton’s short speech. They swing their legs. They fidget a bit. ‘The future is
female,’ Clinton declares, beamed in on a giant screen. What are they supposed to think, other than that girls
matter more than they do?"

Can you guess where that quote is from? As usual, when something is sympathetic to boys, you can be pretty
sure it’s from a conservative source. In this case it’s Heather Wilhelm writing in The National Review.

But it’s not just conservatives who voice their concern about boys. Writing in the Denver Post in November 2014,
shortly after the birth of Clinton’s first grandchild—a girl—columnist Dottie Lamm, who is a leading feminist in
Colorado, penned a piece titled “Our Boys Are Now at Greater Risk Than Girls." Lamm quoted Hillary Clinton as
saying, “My granddaughter has just as much God-given potential as a boy born in that hospital today.”

But then Lamm writes, “Let’s focus on that little boy ‘born in the hospital’ that day. Let’s say he is an average little
boy from a working- or middle-class family. What are his chances of living out his God-given potential? Not as
good as Charlotte’s, even if she had been born in his humble circumstances. For in childhood, adolescence, and
early adulthood, our boys are now at greater risk than our girls.”

This is a simple statement of fact, of which anyone who studies this field or works with boys and girls, or young
women and young men, is well aware. Unfortunately, because girls and only girls have long been the focus of
feminist interest and concern, these facts are not well-known to the general public. And as long as the needs of
young males are not also front and center in our national dialogue, there is no reason to doubt that the future
will be female, whereas it might be better if the sentence could be “The future is our children of all genders and
races.”

“The future is female” is actually a holdover from the extreme side of second wave feminism. According to a
recent Washington Post headline, it “began as a 1970s lesbian separatist slogan.” The article states, “In 1975,
photographer Liza Cowan captured an image of her then-girlfriend, singer-songwriter Alix Dobkin, wearing a
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/real-men-dont-write-blogs/201703/memo-our-sons-and-grandsons-the-future-is-female?page=1 1/4
12/4/2018 white T-shirt that bore the slogan Memo
over atopowder-blue
Our Sons and Grandsons: The Future Is Female | Psychology Today
turtle neck.”

The slogan didn’t continue to be a big part of feminism until a couple of years ago, when it was revived in T-
shirts and buttons by a company called Otherwild. According to the Post story, “In some ways the message ‘The
Future Is Female’ is, if not lost, then certainly understood differently than it was in the '70s,' Cowan told i-D.
‘Feminism has changed, the world has changed. It is difficult for many younger women to imagine the power,
the excitement and the urgent need for women to come together to change the world.’”

Yes, due to the incredible energy and persistence of second wave feminism, the world—read, the developed
world—has changed positively for women, and especially for girls and young women.

Just one example: Education. In 1975, men slightly outnumbered women on college campuses, and vastly
outnumbered them in graduate school, medical school, and law school. Today, women substantially outnumber
men on college campuses, and are essentially 50 percent of postgraduate programs. In fact, in the last several
years there have been more doctorates awarded to women than to men.

By comparison, boys and young men have, at best, languished. Some educators and parents of sons look at the
current situation for boys as alarming, and the revival of a feminist call to arms by one of the most powerful
female voices in the country is certainly discomforting. (In her message to MAKERS, Clinton said, “So please, set
an example for every woman and girl out there who’s worried about what the future holds.") But others see the
slogan in a different light—that it can be an enlightening message for their sons.

For example, there is a blog post by Rebecca Woolf titled “The Future Is Female and Our Sons Are Watching.”
Seeing this, I thought, "Aha, here comes someone concerned with the exclusionary message this is sending to
our sons." But I was wrong.

Woolf’s point is that the message that the future is female should be embraced by boys. She writes, “The truth
is, a more female future should in no way feel threatening to a real man in the same way a "future is female" T-
shirt doesn't threaten a boy who understands his privilege. GIRL power doesn't mean BOY UN-POWER.”

In fact, Woolf’s 11-year-old son has a “T.F.i.F.” T-shirt, as does his two sisters and his dad.

I have particular trouble when Woolf says, that the T-shirt “doesn’t threaten a boy who understands his
privilege.” A boy’s privilege? When so many cartoons feature female hero figures; when teachers are
predominately female; when everyone is aware that girls haven’t done as well as boys in math, and so many
have worked hard to change that, but so few are aware of the larger gap in language skills favoring girls, and
so little is done to change that; when far more young men are incarcerated than young women—is all that his
privilege?

The past is not the present and it is even less the future. To tell children who are members of the group lagging
behind that they should applaud the continued successes of the group that is, by the time they get to college (to
quote a New York Times headline from more than 10 years ago), leaving them “in the dust” is asking a lot.

SHARE TWEET EMAIL MORE

105 COMMENTS

About the Author

Mark Sherman, Ph.D., is a professor emeritus of psychology at the State University of New York at New Paltz. 
 

View Author Profile

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/real-men-dont-write-blogs/201703/memo-our-sons-and-grandsons-the-future-is-female?page=1 2/4
12/4/2018 Memo to Our Sons and Grandsons: The Future Is Female | Psychology Today

More Posts

Boys Are In Trouble US


The often justifiable anger of women toward men has left boys in the lurch.

Intersectionality and the Tragedy of the Black Male


Feminist ignoring of male issues has especially harmed the black community.

Left Wing Intolerance on Campus Is Meeting Its Match


A far left bias on campus has led J. Haidt and others to argue for free speech.

Continue Reading

Most Popular

10 Things Mentally Strong People Give Up


to Gain Inner Peace When Sex Is More Than Just Sex

12 Things an Unloved Daughter Gets The Magnetic Power of the Narcissist Can
Wrong About Life Easily Draw You In

Find a Therapist

Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.

City or Zip

Cities:
Atlanta, GA Dallas, TX Louisville, KY
Austin, TX Denver, CO Memphis, TN
Baltimore, MD Detroit, MI Miami, FL
Boston, MA Houston, TX Milwaukee, WI
Brooklyn, NY Indianapolis, IN Minneapolis, MN
Charlotte, NC Jacksonville, FL Nashville, TN
Chicago, IL Las Vegas, NV New York, NY
C l b OH L A l CA O kl d CA
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/real-men-dont-write-blogs/201703/memo-our-sons-and-grandsons-the-future-is-female?page=1 3/4
12/4/2018 Columbus, OH Memo Los
to Our Sons and
Angeles, CAGrandsons: The Future Is Female | Psychology
Oakland, CA Today

Omaha, NE Raleigh, NC San Francisco, CA


Philadelphia, PA Sacramento, CA San Jose, CA
Phoenix, AZ Saint Louis, MO Seattle, WA
Pittsburgh, PA San Antonio, TX Tucson, AZ
Portland, OR San Diego, CA Washington, DC

Are you a Therapist?


Get Listed Today

More Like This

We Owe to Our Sons What We've Given Our Daughters

Fighting For Our Sons

Our Children, Our Future

The Google Memo: Race and Gender Gaps and their Solutions

Designing Our Children’s Future

Recent Issues

Subscribe Today!

About Privacy Terms Australia Canada United Kingdom United States International

Psychology Today © 2018 Sussex Publishers, LLC

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/real-men-dont-write-blogs/201703/memo-our-sons-and-grandsons-the-future-is-female?page=1 4/4