Segourney Smith

Professor Batty

English 102

9/18/18

Shattered Reflection

Love is torcherous; for many, it is the equivalency of being shattered beneath glass.

Unrequited love is the unfathomable fiend in every tragic hero’s daunting quest for reciprocation,

however, is it possible to presume the eerie villainous being transfixed on provoking havoc has

the potential to derive from within? This notion of unrequited self-love is one 16 year-old singer

and lyrical genius, Billie Eilish, adheres to well. In one of her more recent songs titled

“idontwannabeyouanymore”, Eilish isolates herself in front of a mirror, and condemns the person

that peers back at her; she is compelled to believe that the lines separating her from societal

expectations have blurred together, and she is slowly becoming her own rendition of a

nightmare. In an attempt to regress from this transition, Eilish is convinced she no longer herself

and is merely the distorted image of another. Many of her songs are very intimate in the sense

that they deal with personal matters, such as the reality of her mental health and inability to

accept herself. The verses she creates, stylistically, are poetic to the root, which is why her

audience is able to empathize and use her experiences as fuel to battle their own demons.

Although one could potentially argue Eilish’s music is mainstream and capitalizes off of

exploiting her mental health to a specific target audience, her song “idontwanttobeyouanymore”

demonstrates a more vivid understanding of Eilish’s infuriated distaste towards herself because
she is able to vocalize her true feelings through the internal structure of the song, convey her

distraught behavior from a compressed scope of intimate language, and she recognizes her

mental health and aggressive self hatred is beginning to affect her viewing of society causing her

to be unable to differentiate who she was and what she may become—making this, arguably, one

of Eilish’s most personal songs.

The structure of Eilish’s song mirrors that of a poem due to the unique rhyme scheme,

annunciation of stressed and unstressed syllables and calming lullaby-like melody, and in

structuring her song as so, she is able to stylistically disclose her thoughts in a creative, well-

received manner. The scheme Eilish chose to utilize throughout the first and third stanza is

referred to as a triplet. In poetry, a triplet is referred to as the rhyme scheme ‘AAA’ followed by

‘BBB’, therefore instead of two lines rhyming, a triplet’s scheme has three lines that rhyme.

Eilish does so to put emphasis to the importance of the first and third stanza, along with

recognizing that syntax-wise, the pattern of each triple follows short line, short line and long line.

The shorter lines concentrate on starting off with higher range with more stressed syllables while

the ending of the line, where the rhyming words are, tend to be of a lower range. In a similar

fashion, the third, longer line is dragged out. This is due to it containing more enriching language

that depicts how Eilish feels about herself, such as when she reprimands her distorted self for

having a “...mood that” she wishes she “...could sell” (6). This line alone personifies Eilish’s

distaste towards her behavior, and demonstrates how she wishes she could find a way to rid

herself of the burden of carrying onward with it. There is part of her that demands she “could

feel what [she says]”(3) rather than blindly speaking without cultivating her thoughts. In this

sense, it is evident Eilish does not possess authority over how she feels, and this conflict she has
with herself is dragging out, which again, can be interpreted based on Eilish’s stylistic choice of

dragging out her syllables. However, the second and fourth stanza lack any form of a rhyming

scheme, though they remain consistent with the use of a high to low range to put emphasis on the

stressed and unstressed syllables. In doing so, I find that Eilish is isolating her thoughts, and we

are given a first glance into her stream of consciousness. She purposefully makes the second and

fourth stanza the chorus, and truly puts forth as much force as she can vocally, so that people are

able to focus on their meanings the most. The overall melody of the song is euphonious, but this

is a deliberate tactic to mask the distress buried beneath the lullaby-like tone; because Eilish is

confronting herself by externally displaying an internal battle. Hence, her consistent use of “you”

throughout the song, though she keenly avoids any form of “we” making it evident that she does

not recognize herself to be the same person as the one peering back at her through the mirror.

The overall structure consistently demonstrates poetic approaches to develop a more personal

narrative, and permits Eilish to confront her mental health by verbally recognizing her depressive

and pessimistic state of mind.

In nurturing the importance of the song’s meaning, Eilish wisely conveys her thoughts

through a careful selection of compressed devices that showcase her well-rounded awareness of

the person she has become as society continues to influence her. For instance, in the second

stanza, one of Eilish’s most notable lines “If teardrops could be bottled / There’d by swimming

pools filled by models” (7-8) is a metaphor used to directly address the harsh reality celebrities

face when living in the limelight. Majority of the time, models are directly linked to society’s

interpretation of perfection because they are similar to moving mannequins and are constantly

being observed. Eilish makes the claim that because models are constantly being overanalyzed
and adjusted, they can never truly be themselves: this forces the notion that models could,

potentially, be the most broken individuals internally while externally they are as close to god-

like as possible. This particular line from the song is an underlining analogy to how Eilish feels

being in the public eye, she is constantly being watched and intruded on, which forces her to put

up a very lighthearted, bubbly persona, when in actuality she is beyond just that. Another

instance used to convey society’s expectations is disguised by a repressed, almost breathy “Told

‘a tight dress is what makes you a wh*re’”(9), which, in turn, is the first real glance at

symbolism embedded in the song. This particular line links common culture and the universal

understanding of what makes a person stand out as unique or a stereotype; unfortunately, there is

no in between. For Eilish, possessing uncertainty of her physical appearance led to her wearing

baggy clothing. Many believe her style is unique and is completely opposed to the type of genre

she sings, seeing as it is loosely based on a ‘rappers’ attire, though Eilish has not refuted any

claims; this may very well be due to the subtle fact that she struggling to walk on a thin line

between either being seen as quirky, different or scandalous, unruly. Therefore, it is evident,

through her lyrical approach, that Eilish is recounting the way she—and many others—view

society along with the rules silently embedded into the system. These rules have slowly

objectified her, along with others, who are forced to be repressed under a mask, and fulfill a

certain marketing ploy to be or remain relevant, which in turn, has diminished Eilish’s self

esteem.

By closely analyzing the poetic devices Eilish used throughout the song, we are able to

see, lyrically, how Eilish feels about herself from an open lens. For example, in the second verse,

we are immersed into Eilish’s thoughts, and can vividly recognize her depressive state and how it
reflects on her desiring to be someone else. Eilish creates an image of “Hands getting cold”(14)

and amplifies it by adding “Losing feeling is getting old” (15), which is a direct emotional link

we can relate back to frustration and tiredness. These particular lines use periphrasis; instead of

being addressed in a short, straightforward point, Eilish dragged out the image and added to it so

that it could chiefly be known that her depressive state is something she has been facing for quite

some time now. Her battle with trying loosely not to be completely numb is a point many can

emphasize with; because many individuals that are experiencing similar systems of depression

recognize how Eilish is feeling and understand the cyclical pattern. We then move further into

Eilish’s mind when she questions if she were “...made from a broken mold” (16), which

emphasis her struggle to fit in and understand her place in the world. The line itself is a rhetorical

question, because Eilish has already, long ago, recognized that she is undoubtedly different from

others; her mold was slightly more ajar than most—forcing her to stand out. She yearns to no

longer be herself because she wants to be remade into a perfect mold, hence, why she denounces

her own existence. Though, a clear indication of Eilish’s distaste towards herself is demonstrated

in the fourth stanza when she, almost chants, “I don’t want to be you...” (26-28) and ends it with

a dramatic “Anymore” (29), and this in itself, is a clear indication that Eilish convinced she is not

the same person as her reflection. And, if for some reason she is, she refutes the idea through the

use of repetition; because by repeating her lack of interest in being herself, it created a chant that

she then can use to convince herself she is not the person she wants to be nor should be. In

addition, Eilish’s strategic approach at using these devices demonstrates her capability to craft a

more intimate piece of writing many can also relate to.

 Overall, it is clearly evident that the song “idontwannabeyouanymore” was written with

the intent of conveying Eilish’s battle with depression and unrequited self-love. Although many

could denounce this by saying it is another mainstream classic used to paint society in a negative

light, we can see through the song’s interior, the intimate language and the general overview of

the narrative that Eilish truly crafted this song with the intent of releasing her pent up

frustrations. Eilish, like many other teens, is currently at a point in her life where she may feel

most vulnerable, and is terrified of rejection. However, she also registers that this obsession with

how others view her has distorted the image of how she views her true self, and quite frankly,

she is no longer satisfied with who is and yearns to be someone else—someone without flaws.

And, in correlation to that, many of the youth today feel as though they are struggling to fit in.

We are only able to see and understand things from our perspective, therefore it is challenging to

juggle and internalize the perspective of others, whether it is outwardly a societal norm or

something a friend is doing. In this sense, I’d interpret this song as more of a therapeutic method

to recognize one's flaws and accept them. We are all human, and we all possess qualities that

only we ourselves can understand internally, therefore we do not need to be tempted by the

concept of becoming photocopied replicas of one another. Instead, we should be more than

thrilled to be ourselves, because no one can love who we are more profusely and wholehearted as

we can with self-love and self-appreciation. See your reflection in the mirror and know that you

will never break as easily as glass.

 Work Cited

Eilish, Billie. “idontwannabeyouanymore.” Don’t Smile At Me, Interscope

Records, 2017, track 2.

 Appendix A

Don't be that way

Fall apart twice a day

I just wish you could feel what you say

Show, never tell

But I know you too well

Kind of mood that you wish you could sell

If teardrops could be bottled

 There'd be swimming pools filled by models

Told a tight dress is what makes you a whore

If "I love you" was a promise

Would you break it, if you're honest

Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before

I don't wanna be you anymore

Hands, hands getting cold

Losing feeling's getting old

Was I made from a broken mold?

Hurt, I can't shake

We've made every mistake

Only you know the way that I break

If teardrops could be bottled

There'd be swimming pools filled by models

Told a tight dress is what makes you a whore

If "I love you" was a promise

Would you break it, if you're honest

Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before

I don't wanna be you

I don't wanna be you

I don't wanna be you... anymore