Professional Documents
Culture Documents
ROBIN LAKOFF
LANGUAGE
AND
WOMAN'S PLACE
"Our use of language embodies attitudes as well
as referential meanings. Woman's language has as
its foundation the attitude that women are marginal
to the serious concerns of life. which are preempted
by men. "-from the book
.
60
·ES
1 50
L 192
LANGUAGE
a11d
Wo111ar\s Plc1Ce
2. Form' of Pohtl·nc:" M
l Women and Pohtt:nL~s 7J
4. Condu,1on XJ
Bibliography 85
r--· "".,.. . .. ~. -.-...~
Preface
One can look at woman's position in our society from any number of
points of Vlew a.JJ•d gain enlightenment from each. In thts book I have
tried to sec what we can learn about the way (women view themselves L.
and e~one's_!ssuml?tions about the n~ture and role of W..~.'l!enfr~~
the \&Se oi'li'J'!i!!~e in <?'!!' cultl!r~Jthat is to say, the language uSed
by anci ahOuTwomen. While my reasom; for taking this particular tack
are based on my training in Iingu•stie3, I feel that such study is quite
justifiable in its own terms. Language as more amenable to precise
reproduction on paper and unambiguous analysis than are other
forms of human behavior; if we tell someone he has done something
sexist, we often don't know how to describe exactly what he's done
so that we can ar~ meaningfully about the truth of that assertion:
the evidence vanishes before it can be studied. But if we say to some·
one, "You said ... , which is insulting to women," provided he agrees
that be has made the statement. it is available and open to close
analysis. Often, as psychoanalysis has shown in such detail, we say
things without knowing their significance, but the fact that we have
said them shows that there is more going on in our minds than we
consciously take credit for. By looking at the way we customarily talk
if we B.R women, or talk about women whoever we are. we can gain
insight into the way we fed-about ourselves. about women-
through close aHla.lysiS of what we say and how we say it until in the
end we can ask and perhaps even answer the question: Why did I say
it? It is my hope, then, to look at some of these linguistic issues and
see what they tell us.
The ideas th:1t are discu$Sed in the book are the result or many
2 I Language and Wc•man 's Place
i'
I
PART I
Language
an<:l Womaris Place
1 / Introduction
Language uses us as much as we use language. As much as our choice
of forms of exp,ression is guided by the thoughts we want to express,
to the same extent the way we fed about the things in tbe real world
governs the way we express ourselves about these things. Two words
can be synonymous in t.heir denotative sense, but one will be usc:d in
case a speaker feels favorably toward tbe object the word denotes, the
other if he is unfavorably disposed. Similar situations are legion,
involving unexpectedness, interest, and other emotional reactions on
tbe part of the speaker to what be is talking about. Thus. while two
speakers mat...t!C.!alking abou_t til~ ~~.!bin& qr rcal~QdQ situ_~tig!!._
..11u:ir.dcscriptio.ns may end up soundin& utterlYJJ~. The follow-
ing wcll-knowm paradigm wiiJ be iUustrative.
l
,I
ica might condone the use of (b) for men, they would still disapprove
of its use by women. (It is of interest., by the wayfo note that__ men's
~gLJage is i11crcasingl.y bci.n& Lli«!~ w.gmm.•J_,~_t w<>m~'s '-"!!!!-I!Sc:
is not bein& adopted by men. apart}om those who reject the Ameri-
can m.as.culine image [for example, hom06exual.s]. This is analogous
to the fact that mm'i jobs__are being_ sought by women,_but f~ It1en
rare rushin& to become housewives or secretaries. The language of_ the
. ~-v-~up_._!h_e_goul>_!_hll_t holds t.tJe power, aJong with its nonlin-
guistic behavior, is generally adopted by the other group, not vice
versa. In any event, it i.'l a trui&m to state that the "stronger" expletives
are rrse:rval. for men, and the "weaker" ones for women.)
Now we may ask what we mean by "stroD&~~.Jm~L~~~··
expletiv~" .(If these particles were indeed meaninglc:ss, none wouJd be
stronger than any other.) The diJfereoce between using ··~it: (or
''damn," or one of many othen) as opposed to "ob dear," or "good-
ness," or ..oh fudge" lies i~b.ow f9!~fuiJy Qtl~ ~y~_h_o~.o~_f~
perhaps, one might say, choice of particle is a function ofbpw strooaly
one a1)9ws ()!'~f to fed about someabins, so that the stren,~th of an
emotion conveyed in a sentence corresponds to tbe strength of the
wrti&le,_ Hence in a really seno\LS_sitlUltiQn.. tlte ~_Qf "trivia\izi~"
(that is, "women's") particles constitutes • jQke, or at any rate, ..
highly inappropriate. (In conformity with current linguistic practice,
throughout this work an asterisk (•) wiU be used to marie a sentence
that is inappropriate in some sense, either because it is syntacticaUy
deviant or used in the wrong social context.)
(4) (a) •Oh fudge. my hair is on fire.
(b) •Dear me, did he kidnap the baby?
Language and Woman's Place I II
li:i1en with more attention the mor~ .s\l":ong.ly Jllld formully ~m..t;<m_!:
CXJ'~ opinions, and a speaker unable--for whatever reason-to be
forceful in stating his views is much less likely to be taken seriously. 'I
Ability to use strong particles like "shit" and "hell" is, of course, only
incidental to the inequity that exists rather than its cause:. But once
&pin, apparently acddent.allinguistic usage suggests tha(~vomen arc
denied equality partially for linguistic reasons, and that an examina·
tion of language points up precisely an a.rea in which inequity exists.
Further, if someone is allowed to show emotions, and consequently
does, other.~ may well be able to view him as a real individual in his
own right, as they could not if he never wowed emotion. Here again,
then, the behavior a woman learns as "correct" prevents her from
~ously as_an individuaJ. and further IS considered "cor-
-~ .. and necessary for a woman precisely because ~iety does not
-~~her seriow;ly as.,AD individuaL 0
Stnular sorts of disparities exist elsewhere in the vocabulary. There
iA. for instance, a group 9f adjectil!.~- which have, besides their specific
.llld Ji_t~ m.eaninp, another use, that of indicating the speaker's
12 I Language and Woman's Place
I
'I
divine
As with the color words and swear words already disctwed, for a
I _IJ!Ill to stray into~be_·~~~~·s_:• _e:o_lum_n is apt to~_dam~___&__!o his
reputation, though here a woman may freely use the neutral words.
But it should not be inferred from this that a woman's use of the
"women's" word.'! is without its risks. Where a woman has a choi~
between the neutnsJ words and the women's words, a.tl a man has not,
she may be suggesting very different things about her own personality
and~ view oftbe sub~t_matter b_y h_er___choioe of words of_!he~t
set or words of the ~nd.
Ja this esse, the suggestion really concerns only her, and the impres-
llon she will make on people. In this case, she nu.y use (b). from the
M•oman 's language." So the choice is not really free: words restricted
~J)ID~'s l.angwlgc;.'' S'Ug~t that c:oncep~ _!I) whi~tl ~~e_y ¥e_ ap-
~ ~not relevant to the real world oj{rn_a)e) inOuencc_a~~~wer.
One may ask whether there really a.re no analogou,; terms that au
available to men-terms that denote approval of the trivial, the per-
101181; that express approbation in terms of one's own personal emo-
tional reaction, rather tha.n by gauging the likely general reaction.
There does in fact seem to be one such word: it is the hippie invention
"sroovy," which seems to have most of the connotlltions 1hat separat~
"lovely" and "divine" from "great" and "terrific" ex~-ptmg only that
it docs not ma.rk the speaker as fenunine or effeminate.
(6) (a) What a terrific steel mill!
(b) •What a lovely steel milll (male speaking)
(c) What a groovy steel mill!
~I Another group that ha.'l, ostensibly at least, taken itself out of the
search for power and money is that of academic men. They are
:I\
,'1
I frequently viewed by other groups as analogous in some ways to
I
women-they don't really work, they are supported in their frivolous
pursuits by others, what they do doesn't reallly count in the real world,
and so on. The suburban home finds its countterpan in the ivory tower:
one is supposedly shielded from harsh realities in both. Therefore it
is not too surprising that many academic mten (especi.ally those who
L'1llulate British nonns) may violate many of these sacrosanct rules I
have just laid down: they often use "women's language." Among
themselves, this does not occasion ridicule. But to a truck driver, a
professor saying, "What a lovely hat!" is wtdoubtc:dJy laughable, all
the more '10 as it reinforces his stereotype of professor.; as dfetc snobs.
When we leave the lexicon and venture into~tax._we find that
syntacticJllly too women's spoocb_i~_pec'!l!ar. To my knowledge, there
is no syntactic rule in English that only women may use. But there
i.s .11..l.eM~. DO( r:t!l~. th.at a ~oman W.Lusc~ !n more ronver.l.ational
Si!.!!~ti_~n_s_t~ a man. (This fact indicates, of ooune, that the applica-
bility of syntactic rules is governed partly by soci.a.l context-the
positions in society of the spealcer and addressee, with respect to each
other, and the impression one seeks to make on the other.) This as the
rule of~:-<JU~!iQI! fo~a.tion.' ®
I. Within th~ lexicon iiAelf, ther~ ~to be a poraHel phenomenon to ~&&-question
usag~. which I rcmun from diiCUUina in the body or the ta.l because the f11Cl5 an-
oontrovenoial and I do nol understand llac:m fully. The intensive .to, woed wbct-e purist•
,.,ould insist upon an abltllut~ superlative, heavily stressed. sccma more characteristic
oi womm'a la.o!JIIllle than of mm's, though it is found in tbe latter, part.icularly in the
,. Langu.r~ge and Woman's Place I 15
....
j
16 I Language and Woman's Place
declarative statement. A_ tag question. then, might be thought of as a
ck!.:larative ~ta~J!!eflJ wjt_b.out the ~umption that the statement is to
be ~lie_vefl_lly_ the ~ddressee: Qlle has a.n out, as with a question. A
tag ~~«Way,. not forcing _him. to go along with the
views_ of~be speaker.
There are situations in which a tag is legitimate, in tact the only
legitimate .sentence form. So, for example, if I have seen something
only indistinctly, and have reason to believe my addressee had a better
view, I can say:
terms for that group that ace no longer in general use. One can only
' c~nclude that ~_!.!Phcmisms vanish as they are no longer need~. The
i example I have in mind is that of the words used to describe Jews.
Aside from the uncomplimentary ep1thets which still exist today,
though not encountered very often. one find&. in reading novels writ-
ten and set more than half a century ago, a number of eupherni.'\ms
that are not found any more, such as "Hebrew gentleman" and "hra-
elitc." The disappc:1ran~ of the euphemisms concurrently with the
derogatory tenns suggests that women will be ladies until some more
dignified status can be found for them.
It might also be claimed that lady is no euphemism because it has
exactly the same connotations a.'\ woman, is usable under the same
semantic and contextual conditions. But a cursory inspection will
show that this iuwt always the case. The decision to use one term
rather t.han the other ma_y_cp,~iderably alter_the ~-Qf a. sen~n~.
The following are examples:
( 15) (a) A (woman) that I know makes amuing things out of
(lady)
shoelaces and old boxes.
(b) A (woman) I know works at Woolworth's.
(lady)
,, (c) A (woman) I know is a dean at Berkeley.
(lady)
'II (These facts are true for some speakers of Englillh. For other.-;, lady
I has taken over the function of woman to such an extent that ltJdy can
II be used in all these sentences.)
In my speech, the usc of lady in (15) (c) imparts a frivolous or
nonserious tone to the sentence: the matter under discussion is one of
not too great moment. In this dialect, then, lady seems to be the more
colloquial word: it is less apt to be used in writing, or in discussing
serious matters. Similarly in ( 15) (a). using lady would suggest that
the speaker considered the "amazing things" not to be serious art, but
mcr('Jy a hobby or an aberration. If woman is used, she might be a
serious (pop art) sculptor.
Related to thi~ is tbe "u~ of latjy in job termiJ1ojogy. For at least
lAnguage and Woman's Place I 2J
-~.-:1lJIDe speakers, the more demeaning the job, the more the person
;{J»ldi!la..it (if femal!!, oCC9l!J"Sel is likdy to be described -.~a lady.
-.:nus, ~ngjad~ is atleast_as COIDIJ!On as clea_nin&_woman, sales-
"( W1 as saleswoman. But one says, nQnn~y.__WQ~-" c!~tor. To say
/....-Jy doctor is to be very condesoendin~: it constitut~ an insult. For
,J men. there is no such dichotomy. Garbageman or sak.t~n is the only
'*
jjtllous: they suggest that a "lady" il' bclpl~-..II.Jl~-~~1 d~_t!t!~p
k;niclf. In this respect the usc of ll word like lad_v is parallel to
. . act of o~.i_ng door:s for women-or ladies. At first blush it is
llaering: the object of the Hattery feels honored, chenshed, IU!d so
~ but by the same token, she is also considered helpless and not
ill control of her own destiny. ~omen who _pro~t _that they like
~J-tbcsc little courtesies, and object to being liberated from
lllem. abou.ld reftect a bit_on their deeper meaning and see how much
l!g___~ dwt
11lis brings us to the consideration of another common substilute
._ WMIDII, namely girL One sddom hears a man past the age of
"'o'aoenoe referred to as a boy, save in expn:ssions like "going out
nil tbe boys." wh.ich are meant to suggest an air of adolescent
lli•<Uy and irresponsibility:_But women of~~ are~ls": one
• ba"e a man, not a boy, Friday, but a girl, never a woman or even
•Wy. Friday;_1J~et1 bl,ve_gjrlfri~ds. but ~c;:n do ~ol-in a non..o;ex.-
1&1 sense-~ It may be that this use of girl is eupbe-
Distic in &he liellse in wbich lady is a euphemism: in s~ioa the idea
al jmmaturil}', it removes the sexual connotations lurking in woma11.
~of the ennobling present in lady. girl is (presumably) flattering
llit-"'-acu because of its stress on youth. But here again there are
iD._recalling__yQ!J~Lfri~olit}', and imrDAturdL.lirfJnl.n~ to
p.IIZJ:II(&Imtl!iJit~~ .YQY Jlon'_t J!@9 _a, gid ~Q...d~Ul_jV_QIDMl'}_ ~mmd
for that matter, a boy's errand). It seems tbat again, by an
ic) feminine vanity (about which we shalJ have more to say
\l&erl of English have assigned women to a very unflattering
16 I Language and Woman's Place
h may be. finally, that the reason the use of lady rather than woman
in a sentence creates the impression of fri\l_~?lity discuss¢ a~ve pre-
cisely becau!OC: of the euphemistic nature of lady. In serious discussion,
one does not typically employ euphemisms. So, for instance, a sen-
tence like ( 17) (a) is more suited to cocktail party chitchat by return-
ing tourisl1. than to latrned discus..~on by anthropologists, who would
be more likely to usc a tochnicaltcnn, as in (17)(b):
(17) (a) When the natives of Mbanga want to use the little boys'
room, first they find a large pineapple leaf....
(b) When the natives of Mbanga wish to defecate, first they
find a large pineapple Je.af. . . .
term wiU not obviat~ the problem: the rooto; lie d~~r. in tbe social
nature of the relationship itself. As long as it is tbe woman who is
de~ndcnl on the mun. ~ociaJly and economically, in such relation-
ships, thc:re will be no possibility of coining a parallel term for mis-
tress. Just as we will have the sorts of disparities illustrated by sen-
tences ( 18H 19), we will find fun her disparities, for the same reasons.
Note, for instance, tb~ difference in the acceptability of: He's a real
stud! as contrasted to: •She's a real mistress!
So berc we see several important points concerning the relationship
lxtween men and women illustrated: first, that mer:a a.re defined in
tenns o!. whauhey __dQ jo .tht. w_orld, women in_ _t.mtlLQf the _!Tl~!l wjth
w_llo~_tbcy are associated; and second. that the notion of "power" for
a_JD!!Il is .4i!tc;r:~nt fro_m lhat of "power" for ~ _woman: it is acquired
and manifested in different ways. One might say then that these words
have retained their princtpal meanings through time; what has \
changed IS the kinds of interpersonal relationships to which they refer.
As a sa:ond example. the examples in (21) should be completely
paralJcl semantically;
l
he reaches marriageable age: tp__bc ~bachelor iolplia tWtlQne b3S the
dW-ice_QL.!!lLruUI.l& or _not. and tha is y..hat .aaakcs. tbc idea o{ a
blchelo( eltistcoo:; attractive, in the popular liter-ature. He has been
pursued and has successfuUy eluded hi!! pursuers. But D spinster is one
who has not been pursued, or at lca.'lt not seriously. She Lo; old un-
wanted goock. Hence it is not 1urpnsing to find that a euphemism bas
ari!letl for spimter. a word not much used today. bachdor girL which
attempts to captu1re for the woman the umnotations bachelor has for
a man. But this, too, is not much used ell.cept by writers trying lo gh-e
their (slick magv~ne) prose a "with-it" sound. 1 have not beard the
word used in uns.e.lfconscious speech. Bachelor, however, needs no
euphemisms.
When bachelor and spirrszer arc used metaphorically, the distinc-
tion m connotation between the two beccmet5 even clc.arer:
ruunc or first name) connotes a great deal about the relationship of the
two participants in the discourse with respect to each othcr. To in-
troduce yourself, 'Tm Mr. Jones" puts the relationship you are seek-
ing to establish on quite a different basis than saying, "I'm Jones,'' or
"I'm John," and each is usable under quite different contextual condi-
tion~ socially speaking. A.-. long as social distinctions, overt or covert,
continue to exist, we will be unable to rid our language of titles that
make reference to them. It is interesting that the French and Russian
revolutions both tried to do away with honorific titles that distin-
guished class by substituting "citizen(ess)" and "comrade." These,
however, are not purely empty like "person": they imply th11t spealer
and addressee share a relationship in that both are part of the state
and hen~ by implication, both equal. In France, the attempt was not
long-lived. (Although tovarishch is nonnal today in the Soviet Union,
1 don't know whether it is really usable under all conditions, whether
a factory worker, for instance, could Ulle it to his foreman, or his
foreman's wife.)
Although, in our society. naming conventions for men and women
are esscntialJy equal (both have first and last names. and both may
have odditionaJ names. of lc:s..o;er importance), the -~ial...£O.Jlvc:nti~uls
&QVeming !b.e _c_.l!oice Qf. (orm ofa4~ i.~ n9J ~aUel_in both sexes.
Thus, as noted, ~ .ID!lflJ Mr. John Jones, may k_~r~'led as Jobn,
as Jones, a.'i ~r.: }.QDes. and a..~ Mr._ John Jof:!~· The first normally
implies familiarity, the second intimacy coupled with Jones's ~nfcti
ority (except in situation~ of nondirect address, as in professional
citation; or among intimates, as a possibly more intimate fonn of
address evc:n than first name alone, without infenority being implied);
the: third distance and more or less cq~_ty. The last is never used in
direct address, and again i~~ca_!_.es C01!s.L~ble 4istance. To address
someone by first name alone is to assume at least equality with tbe
other person, and perhaps superionty (in which case the other ~n
will respond with Mr. and lllllt name). Mr. Jones i..<1 probably the
J~st-marlccd form of address, a means of keeping di&tance with no
necessary suggestions of status. To address someone as Jones socially
or in business may be an indication of his inferior st.atus, but to refer
to someone that way profell.~onally (as at a liogui'ltics conference,
4 / Conclusion
Linguistic imbalances arc worthy of ~rudy because they bnng into
s_harpc:r focus real-world imbalances and inequities. They are clues
that some external situation needs changing. rathCf' than items that
one should seek to change directly A compc:tent doctor tries to
eliminate the germs that cJluse mea.~lc:s, rather than trytng to bleach
the red out with peroXIde. I emplut!>ize th1s point because it ~oeems to
be currently fJlShionable to try, first, to atlal'k the disease by auempl-
ang tu obliterate the external symptoms; and, sccood. to attack c>W!ry
instance of linguistic sexual inequity, rather than sele£ting those that
reftecr a real disparity in soctal treatment, not mere grammatical
nonparallefism. We shouJd ~attempting to single out those: linguistic
WICS that, by implication and innuendo, demean the members of one
group or another, and should be ~ing to make sJ'('akers of English
aware of the psychological damage such forms do. The problrnt, of
course, lies in deciding which forms are mally damaging to the: ego,
and then in determining what to put in their st~d.
A good example. which troub~ IDl! a lot at present, as that of
p!__ooommaJ neurf'alir~tion. ln English, as indeed in the great majority
of the world's lAnguages, when __r:_eferc:nce is made individually to
_~bers of a sexually mixed group, the normal solution is to reliOI"'e
the tl)deci:ilon ~ topronol.LQ_ ch01~ in favor of the muculine:• the
• Wal!A.:.e Cbaf~ has fi\'en me an antcremng uamplc rt'l~tiv(' to tllD docussion of
pron<muna.J ncutralir.ation and sc.uun. In lroqliOian, na.tralu.atwn •s tlu~gb the usc
of lhc: fcmtniM pronoun. The lroqttOtan S.."Ciety is 'IOmetimes (inaa:un~tely) refc::!Ttd to
» m~~trian:h.al; in any case. •umco play a ,pe.,al n>le. 'J'hQc:: IW~O bcu together "'ould
..eem ro be a vindication for tho8e wbo cl.alm th»t lle\ltrai~IIOD 1n 61vor of the
tn.uculinr pronoun, u in F.ngli!ll\, ~~a mark. ,,r the 'IUI~m rampant tn our culture. But
~L'iC'Nherc in lroquoian, rhis claim i! belied. llterr arr flllmerou., prcfi'o attached h>
noura. distingUishina number, gender. 11.nd CLY Wb~ th<" noun rden to maJCuliue
hu.nan beings, thoe prefilles are lo:r:pl separate nf one anorh~. But m rdl'TTlng ttl
fcmmmc human bemp, animals., and uumimale o~jecu, tbaor numerous pn<liaes m.ay
he collapsed. 1lus suggnts th.tt here women arr consid~red in the category of aaimak
and thlfll\o. and W..er or )eM important than men. cootllldJcting the impll."£llona of the
pmnomuaJ s~lem. SQ thts sbo""J that even 10 a nulrlan:hal so.:icty, ~lUSCft t:U!IU and
44 I Language and Woman's Place
J_nasculine, men. is "unmarked" or "neutral ... and therefore witl be
found referring to men and women both in sentences like the follow-
mg:
That IS, although semantically both men llfld women are included
in the groups referred to by the pronouns in these sentences, only ht
and rebated masculine forms are commonly possible. An ~aJogous
si_tua_tjon occursjn many_languages with the words for human being:
in English, we find _"!!l'' and t?J(!_nkind. which of course refer to
women members of the s~ies as well. This of course permits us
innumerable jokes involving "man-eating sharks," and the wide-
spread existence of these jokes perhaps points up the problem that
these forms create for a woman who speaks a language like English.
I feel that the emphasis upon this point, to the exclusion of most
other linguistic points, by writers within the women's movement is
misguided. While this lex1cal and grammatical neutralization is
relataJ to the fact that men have been the writers and the dcxn, I
don't think it by iblclf specifies a particular and demeaning role for
hat. ~BJ~Un&Ucal rdluea. It also sugesta lbal pronawt ncutmliz.allon is DOC rea.lly the
~ i!&ue: tha-e llR: other upa:1s of J.D~o Eopisb u well u Iroquoian--
,...tricb arc bcner indicalon o( the rdatiUII.Ibip bc1'01cet1 linguistic: uaaae uc1 cukval
U1Umptio111.
Language and Woman's Place I 45
but also the sociaJ c.ontext in which the utterance is expressed, and the
assumptions about the world made by all the participants in the
WSC(IUJ"SC. It is sometimes objected that this is the realm of"pragmat-
ics," not "linguistics," that it reftects "performance." not "compe-
tence." My feeling is that language use by any other name is still
I
I' linguistics, and it is the business of the linguist to tell why and where
a r;entence is acceptAble, and to leave the name-calling to the lexicog-
raphers. If a linguist encounter.> an example like The WO)' prices are
rising is horrendo&~s. isn '1 it? and feels indecisive about its acceptability
in various situations, it is his duty to teU e.x.actly where his doubts lie,
and why. It is as important for him to catalog the contextual situations
under which a tag question like this (or tag questions in genenll) may
be used as to determine the syntactic environment in which the tAg
question formation rule may apply. To stop with the latter (as is done,
for example, in standard transformational grammar) is to tell half the
story.
Or to take another instance: we have discussed a wide variety of
problematical cases. Why can't you say: • John is Mary's widower?
(And this s.enten« is bad under any conditions, and hence is not &
question of ..pecfonnanc~. ") Why have the meanings of rna.ster and
mistrns changed in a nonparallel fashion over time? Why does He'l
a profational have ditferent implications than She's a professumal?
Suppose a linguist wishes to avoid making reference lO sociaJ conte.lt
in his grammar. How can he deal with such cases? First, there is the
problem of the nonparalldism in the use of widow and widower. He
might mark the latter m tus lexicon as [-NPgenitive---] or a simi-
lar ad hoc device:. Or one might say that widow bad underlying it a
2-pl.aoe predicate. while there was a 1-place predicate underlying
widower. That this is ludicrou!l, in that it distorts the meaning of the
latter sentence, is evident. In the case of professional, the theorist who
excludes social context would have a slightly different problem. He
has to indicate in the lexicon that there are two words profes:JioTUJl,
presumably accidental homonyms. One is restricted to women, like
pregnant: the other is restricted to men, Jilce virile (Of course, there
are obvious semantic rea'IOfl.S, going ba.clc. to facts in the real world,
in the ca.~ of pregnant and virili'! that m.ak.e their gender restrictions
I
Language and Woman's Place I 4V
non-ad hoc. Since this is not the case with professional, he has already
introduced arbitrariness into this lexical item.) Thm one sense of
professional, the one restricted to womm, is defined as: "lit. or fig.,
a prostitute." The other sense, specific to men, is defined: "engaging
i.n certain business activities . . . " or whatever. And similarly, he
would in the case of master and mi.str?ss have to construct a very
strange theory of historical change in order to allow these words to
diverge in sense in the way in which they have.
This is not to say that these facts cannot be handled in some ad hoc
fashion; my point here is merely that to take such a course is to violate
the principles of valid linguistic description. First, the linguist taking
this position has been forced to resort to numemus ad hoc devices
purely in order to avoid generating impo!i.-.ible scnlencc.; while genera-
ting those that are grammatical. Second, and perhaps more seriously,
he would be overlooking the real point of what is going on. Each of
the non parallelisms that have been discu.sst:d here (as well, of course.
as the many others I have mentioned c:hewhcre, and still others the
reader can no doubt supply himself) would in such treatment be
nonparallel for a different reason from each of the others. Yet the
speaker of English who ha..'\ not been nuscd in a vacuum knows that
all of these disparities exist in Enghsh for tbe same rea.'l(>n: each
reflects in irs pattern of usage the difference betw~en the role of women
m our society and that of men. If there were tomorrow, say by an a.ct
uf God, a total restructuring of 'iOciety as we know it so th.at women
were in fact equal to men, we would make certain predictions about
the future behavior of the language. One prediction we might ma.ke
i1i that all these words, together, would cease to be nonJI&rallel. If the
curious behavior of each of these forms were idiosyncratic, we would
not expect them to behave this way en masse. If their peculiarity had
nothing to do with the way society wa.c; organized, we would not
expect their behavior to change as a result of social change. Now of
course, one cannot prove points hy invoking a catAclysmic change that
has not occurred and, in all probability, will not. But I do think an
appeal is possible to the reader's intuition: this seems a likely way for
these forms to behave. In any event, I think this much is clear: that
there is a generalization that can be made regarding the aberrant
50 I LanKuoge and Woman:~ Place
behavior of all these lex.ical items, but this generalization can be made
only by reference. in the grammar of the language, to social mores
The hngutst must mvolve himself, professionally, with sociology: first,
because he is able to isolate the data that the sociologist can use in
determming the weaknesses and strengths of a culture (a.'i we have
done, to some extent, here); and then because if he does not examine
the society of the speakers of the language along with the S<H;a!lcd
purely linguistic data, he will be unable to make the relevant generali-
zations, w1ll be unable to understand why the language works the way
it does. He will, in short, be unable to do linguistics.'
5. llus i.\ not the only k.nown ~ilualion in which the hllKUISt must wurl.. with th~
oonCC'Jll~ of !IOCto!ogy To gi,·e another ~xampk. m hi!> paper .. Anaphori.: ls.IMds .. m
Binntck er aJ , <ds., Papers {rom tilt fVth Regi<lttrl/ MeetiPIJ( of tlte Chicago Linguutic
So<:iety. May 1969, Posul discll.'lSC:S the disrribution of term.• like tkgmeat. wombut-
meat. pigm~t (11.5 opposed to d~ rhicbn. pork). He ~uggesu I hat -mf'OI must appear
1f lhe item ~ not ~larly ea~n by the spc:den of the Lan~ge, Th~ ~ another
eu.mple in wh~eh merMu:.e must be l'llJide Ill purely culruntl, eJttllllinguistic facts abnut
11 sociery tn .uder to Judge the well-f<1rmedna~ of luical ifcrn.q .
•
PART II
~·'~
,--..___~,........_.___..;,_...-....,
I/ Introduction
, In the preceding discussion. I talked at some length about the linguis-
1 tic uses that characterize traditional "women's language." as well as
the ways in which we speak differently of women than of men. I tried
to give evtdence that the discrepancies that appear to exist arc harmful
to women's self-image and to the image people in general form of
women's character and abilities.
One of the problems I have run into in presenting these ideas is that
often, ,!t'hile everyone acknowledges the existence of nonparaUel us-
•B~ s~ch as the ones I d~ribed, people also fed that no inequity
exists~ mrn and women are "separate but equal," and no redress need
~made; vive. in fact, Ia difference. In addition, people very often feel
aftTonted at my criticisms--this is true of~th men and women-
because they have bt."CTT taught that the disC~pancies actually favor
11iomen, and here I am trying to change them; I am striking a blow
against womllllkind and maybe even mankind, since it benefit'> women
and everyone else to have these distinction<>. The argumet:!t m~t ~ften
~~!!round the notions of "politeness" we were all taught a.o;
!=hi~drm: y.romen's speec.h. diffl.'"TS from men's in that women are more
\ ~_which is precisely as it should be, since women are the presc:rv-
~rality and cwibty; and we speak around women in an espe-
5.2 I Language and Woman's Place
~tl ~·~ :f~
cially ''polite" way m return, eSCtlewing the ~ess of ni"'tllanly
men's language: no slang, no ~wear words. no off-color remarks.
further, many of the ways we ch()()Se to speak of women reflect our
higher estimate of them than of men. and exalt and flatter, rather than
humiliate. So. the argument runs, my pos.~tion, that women should be
aware of these dtscrepancies m language and do what they can to
demolish them, is the one that denigrates and degrades women.
l appreciate the superficial force of that argument; &nd certainly,
tf a woman feels !>he has no other strength or starus m the real world
t_han ~"lady," arbiter of morality, judge of manners, she might well
be affronted by the comments I make. My hope is that women will
recognize that such a role is insuffici~t f9r a human being and will
then realize that using this language, having it used of them, and thus
being placed implicitly in this role, is degradin_g in t.l}at it is constrain-
ing. There's nothing wrong, obviously, with having a natural sense of
rhythm; but to impute this quality, sight unscc:n, to all blades and thus
to each black in tum that one encounters is insulting. Similarly, if
some women Wlllll to be arbiters of morality, that's fi.ne with me; but
I don't like the idea that, because I came into the world with two X
chromosomes. f have oo choice but to be an arbiter of moralny, and
will automatically be treated as though I were.
Hence this discussion. What I want to talk about is precisely the
relationship between women's language. language referring to
women, and politeness and to reflect on the reasons behind this rela-
tionship. The question is complicated by the fact that politeness is
many-faceted. just as there are many forms of women's langllA8e and
many distinction.<> among the uses so identified in the preceding part
of this book. For instance, almost no one I know of my age and
general educational status wouJd be caught dead ~ying "divine." and
some even claim not to be able to identify "nutgenta." while knowing
what a universal joint is (in their car, rather than tbetr roach clip).
But question intonation in declarative-requiring situations is very
common among us still, and much as we feel the need to extirpate it.
it flourishes as long as we don't have perfect self-confidence. Using
·~!vine" is not a mark of feelings of inferiority, but rather a mete
badBe of cla.ss.-female class.. Using question intonation inappropri·
.. '
though toward the taU side: 5 foet 9 rather than 6 feet 5, say). There
is another JUStlfiablc usc in which the hedge mitigates the possible
unfriendliness or unkindness of a statement-that JS, where if's usc:d
for the sake: of politeness. Thus, .. John is sorta short," where I m~:
, He's 5 feel 2 and you're 5 feet 8, Mary. so how will at look if you go
· out with b1m? Here, l know ~xactly how short he 1s, and 11 IS very
' short, but I blunt !he force of a rather pamful assertion by usmg the
1 hedge. What I mean is the class of cases in which neith~r of these facts
, pertains. and a hedge shows up anyway: the speaker is perfectly
c.-ertam of the truth of the as.~rtion. and there's no danger of olfense,
but the tag appear.> llllyway as an apolog}' for making an assertion at
all. Anyone may do this tf he lacks sclf·confidcnce, as everyone does
in some situation..;; but my impr~sion is that women do 1t more,
precisely because they ar~ ~iahzc:d to ~liC\·~-lii31'"~ii\g them-
selves strongly isn't ruce or ladylike, or even feminine. Another mani·
festation of the same thmg 1s the l!SC of "I guess" and ") think"
Prt:flu:ing declarations or "I wondd' prefacing questions, whtch
themselves are hedges on the speech-acts of saying and asking. "I
guess" means something like: I would like to say. . to you, but I'm
not sure I can (because I don't know 1fit's ngbt, bec3usc I don'r know
if I bBve the right. because I don't know how you'd take it, and so
on), so I'U merely put it forth a'! a suggestion. Thus, if 1 ~y. "It wiU
rain this afternoon." and it doesn't, you can latt.'f' take me to task for
a misleading or inaccurate prediction. But if I say, "I gu~s it will rain
this afternoon," then I am far less vulnerable w such an attack. So
these hedges do have their US(S when one really has Ieg~timatc need
for protection, or for deference (if we arc afraid that by making a
certain statement we are ovenotepping our rights), but '!~ to excess,
b~!es•_ ~e ~estiort i~to~atio_n, give the impress1on that the speaker
lac~llu~~ority or doesn't know what be's talking about. Again, these
are famlliar misogynistic criticisms.. but the use of these hedges arises
out of a fear of soemmg roo masculine by heing assertive and saying
things dir~tly
5. Related to this is the usc of the intensive "so." Again. this is more
frequent in women's than men's language. though .;crtainly men can
use it. Here we have an attempt to bc:dge on one's !itrong_ f~hn&s.. as
Why Womert Are Ladies I 55
~that
bough to say: I feel strongly about thi~t I dare not make it clear
how strong. To say, "I like him ve-ry much," would be to say precisely
you like him to a great extent. To say, "l like him so much''
' weasel~ on tba! inrensity: again, a device you'd use if you felt it
unseemly to show you had strong emotions, or to make strong asser·
tions, but felt you had 10 say something along those lines anyway.
6. HypcrCOITcct grammar: 9;9men are net__supposed to talk rough.
'It has been found that, from a very young age, little bcys "drop" their
g's_~uch!JlQre than do little girls: boys say "singin'," ·'goin'," and
110 on, while girls are less apt to. Similarly little boys are less apt than
ttle girls _to_bc scolded for saying "ain't" or at least they arc scolded
,I less ~vercly, because "ain't" is more apt to remain in thetr vocabular·
\ t ies than in thc.:ir sisters'. Generully women are vtcwed as being the
,\preservers of liter8C)' and culture, at least in Middle America.. where
hteracy and culture arc vtewed as bc.•mg 50mewhat suspect m a male.
(llust is, in cultures where learning is valued for Itself, m~n are apt
to be the guardians of culture and the preservers of grammar; in
cullures where book larnin' is the schoolmarm's domain, this job will
be relegated to the women. Jespersen remarks somewhere that women
~more prone to neologism than men and hen~ more hkely to be
the originators of linguistic change; but I think he was thinking in
terms of European society of the last century, where indeed the men
were virtually alway!! more highly educated than the women, and
education a mark of status.)
7.~uperpolite forms. This is the point alluded to earlier: women are
lUI~ to speak more politely than men. This is related to their
~rrectnes.s in grammar, of course, since it's considered more
mannerly in middle-class society to speak "properly." But it goes
deeper: ~omen don't u_se ~-color or indelicate expressions; women
arc the _experts at euphemism; more rositively, women are tbe
. rcpositorie. of tact and know the right things to say to other people,
lwhile rn.en card.cssly blurt. out. whale. ver they ar.e think.ing. W. o.men are
~~_to.~ particularly_~ful to say "pi~" and "tl!anL: you"
and lo uphold the other social conventions; certainly a woman who
ftils at these tasks is apt to be in more trouble than a man who does
10: in a man it's "juM like a man," and indulgently overlooked unless
_____..........................................~·~~~'~ .....
.-
tcred. and therefore, more or le~s conscinu!!.ly, use voice patterns that
tuavc a dual effect: first, of being v~ auentlon-c:uchmg in the hope
that if what you have to say won't ~ perceived, at least the addre.<~See
will hear how you're saymg it; and then, ~nee pitch and str~s carry
some semantic force, the speaker may hope that so~ of the message
will percolate: through by that mean~. though 11 m1ght ~ lost rf stated
only once, by words alone. II may he for this reason as well that
women arc more prone to gesture as they speak than arc mt.-n. All this
is speculation, though I think interesting speculation.
A first objlX:tion that might occur to these poml'i is that men can
usc '!'irtually ev~ry ite_!llon this list; some mc:n, surely. u..e none, some
U!ioe some. and some maybe even use all. The latter is very often the
case with academic men; and I think that the decisive factor is less
.w.~I.Y ~der than power in t~ real world. But rt happens that. a<;
a result of natural gender, a woman tends to have, and certainly tends
~ feel she has. little real-world power compared with a man; so
senerally a woman will be more apt to have th~ us~ than a man
will. It is equally true that diff~ent women spesk women's language
to differing extents: and interestingly enough. it ~ms that academic
women are among the lea-.t apt to be speakers of this language. But
this may be because women who have sucet'Cded in academe have
m<?«! poYoer than other women who have no outside roles; and that
in determining their real-world power, women usc as a basis the power
of the men they know. Since the men that women acadcmiC!i are m(lS(
likdy to know are male acadmucs. on this basis of comparison, ..,jth
, the rdatively real-world-powcrle.c;s, they seem to have more power
than other women, so they are less apr to have to resort to women's
! laquage. And, in my experience, academia is a more egalitarian
~ct}' than mosa! in terms of sex roles and eApccllltions.
In any event, it should be clear that I am not talkmg about hundred-
~~-~rret~tiO.!l~, but_ rather, general tendencies. If you arc a
•oman, it is more likely that you will speal.: this way than if you are
a man, but that 1s not to say that I predict you do speak this way if
1 You're 11 woman, or don't if you're a man. Further. you could speak
1 this way to some extent: or could speak it under some circumstances
1
ben not othen;. (For instance, in the office where y<'u'rc in charge you
"Vi!%..
4
58 I Language and Woman's Ploct
might avoid it, but might use it habitually at home, perhaps not even
realizing you are making the switch.)
It has recently boen suggested by Cheris Kramer (in hychology
Today, June 1974) that these claims are iJ"laC(..'Ufllk. Her reason is this:
that in questionnaires that they filled out, women did not indicate that
they used .. women's" language nor did men indicate that they neces-
sarily considered these traits peculiar to women. There ~ several
things to be said in reply to this. First. it has never been claimed-
as 1 have said already-that men can't use these forms, Ot" that women
must. What I have said is that women use them, or are likely to use
them, in a wider range of linguistic, psychological, and social environ-
ments-that womrn typically lack assertiveness. for one thing, in
more contexts than men do. (Obviously there will be exceptions.)
Second, the device of the interview in these cases is suspect. Ailing
prople how they feel about linguistic fonns makes them self-conscious
about them; they may feel that if they say "yes," they will be disa~
proved of, Ot" that you're not a nic.e person if you don't answer "right.,"
however "right" may be construed in a given instance. Thi.c> may not
even be explicitly realized but can skew the figures aU the same. And
very often, people simply are-n't aware of what they say; it takes a
trained linguist to have the "ear" for that And it is probably true that
the more potentially embarrassing the questions are, the more distor-
tion (whether c.onscJous or not) can be expected. And questions rais-
ing concern over one's masculinity or femininity, or the proper role
for one's sex, are certainly embarnlss.ing. So it's unsafe to tale such
a questionnaire at face value.
Another problem with many tests that have been made for recogni-
tion of "women's language" is that they have depended on written
samples (one example I k.now of used freshman composition themes).
Not too surprisingly, these tests tend to show that little or no rorrela·
lion is found by the subjects between the sex of the actual writer of
the piece and the sex ascribed to him or her. This finding, however,
is deceptive.
If you look at the list of distinguishing criteria for women's lan-
guage that I gave ear her, you will note that most of _the du.racteristics
arc a{)UQ_~ found. 011{}' in g~Qken. or at least highly informal, style.
•
Why Worntn Are LAdies I 59
2 /forms of Politeness
With these facts in mind, we can return to our original question:
Wby llH:~om~n~!Jl'~ to_~~o~ "~!i!e'' than_E~en. and why is
it ~nsidercd no:cs.sary for men to be more "polite.. in the presence
of~on:!en? And, a related quest1on: If, as is often suggested, politeness
is developed by societies in order to reduce frktion in personal interac·
tion, why do many feminists fed a6ronled by these special women-
related form~ of "politeness," and why do they feel that tbey must be
abolished if true equality betw~n the sexes is ever to he attained?
The fact that diffttent cultura; may adjudge the same act in the
-~me circumslJlneeS polite or rude indicates that there must be more
than one rule of ..politeness"--tha.t is.. that some cultures will apply
one rule preferentially, at a given state m a relationship, where an-
other will apply another. Also we are aware that certain oft he ingredi·
ents of "politeness" may be combmcd with one another, or may
coexist~thers are mutually e.-.clusive. Again, thi:s suggests the exis-
~ce of sevellll rules, working together or separately as the case may
be. ldcajly the J!ules of Politenes~ when fully and corroctly formu-
lated. should be able to predict why, in a particular culture, a particu-
lar act in a particular c-ircum.c;tance is polite, or not polite; and should
also be valid for both linguistic polite bch11vior (saying "please"; using
"formal" pronouns in language'~ that have such fonns) and nonlin-
guistJc politeness (opemng doors for othen; bnng10g wine to your
dinner host). As a first attempt.! su_g~_t three suc_h_rules; I feelthal
at l~t these three arc needed. Although at first glance it seems
possible and attractive to compres.o; them into one, closer examination
reveals that by doing so we would lose the abiluy to make predictions
r Why Women An LAdiEs I 65
of certain kinds about the types of behavior and judgments that occur
The rules arc as follow$:
Tbe fint of these rules is perhap8 the one most prominent in eti·
quette book.'> and other con'>tderahon& of formal politenes..~ We see it
in those languages that dilferent_iate between a formal and an infonnal
Yf!.U." _when the formal you is in use, the eft"ect is to create ~istancc
between speaker and addressee. Legalese :~nd medicalese, for various
reasons known best to their speakers, also utilize this rule in their usc
o( technica.l terminology. This distances ~ker both f[()m ad~
an.d from what he is saying, implying that there is no emotive contf'nt
t.Q_Jlis utterance. and thus thc_participants c11n remain aloof. In this
way, it is wise to Lllk about carr:inomo flltber_than _.:_ancer. which
carries unpleasant emotional connotatium;. By using t~ terms, the
doctor (or anyone who uses jargon, including of course all of us
academics) nwo~ms both distance from and superiority over his
ad~ Another example is what might be called the AcadL·nnc
~~ve: "In this pa~r it has been shown. . . ·• Nrophyte autbor.> are
often advised to u.c;e active sentence!': the reason ts that the active voice
indi~.;.atcs involvement on the part of the speaker or writer. and thereby
invit~ the participation, or sympathy, of the reader or hearer. But if
you !tii.DUo appear cooiMd above it all, you usc the passive, and this
is what academics are prone ro do. Another such dcvi~ is the ac__adem·
~l;:~ulh9rial_ we (in papers by a sing~ author), pBrallel in function ro
the plwal W1u.~ (as opposod to tu) in Frcnc:h. and to be distinguished
from the various other non-first-person plural wt.-'s (the editorial and
royal we; the we reserved for talking to children, II.S m "Now let's IJc
our 'lhOl"ll, Md then we'll rake a nice nap").
H)'JX'Tcorrcct forms and !l\IO~ of colloquial~'!' are another
mesos of acbjeving distance__. and the u~ of titles (Mr., Dr., Sir, and
"> on) plus \a.\t name: still another. NtmlinguiMically, formlll dre!IS,
Which is always uncomfortable and generally .:oncealing. plays just
.....
~ ·. this role .
One final example of the usc of Rule I 1s the 1m~_onaJ _pronoun
...-------,
r 66 I Language and Woman's Place
ia public. Not only is belcbmg thought of this way, but so are sneezing
aad coughing (etiquette manuals warned people to cover their mouths
wbcn performing these acts long before the genn theory of disease was
tnown). Thus you don't remove food from your mouth after you've
c:bewed it, or wipe your nose on your sleeve (where the evidence that
you did so will remain in full view of others). All these are violations
9i RuJe I. Of course, you can violate Rule 2 at the same time, and
!Peke matt.ers even worse: it's nor good manners to spit in your soup
at • dinner party, but it's unspeakable to spit in your neighbor's, thus
dcuying him his autonomy.
But there are other ways of viewing a belch. You might thlni: of
it as an expression t)f repletion, indicating satisfaction "Mlh the quality
aod quantity of the fea."'t, the more powerful because it IS (supposedly)
hlvoluntary. (Of course. in Chinese society, I would not be surprised
tfthe conventionalized artificial belch existed. rather like our artificial
J&vm.) In this case, belching is viewed a.'i an application of Rule 3-
JOU have said something nice to your host, made him feel appreciated.
So how you categom..e a particular act may determine whether it is
to he considered polite according to one rule, or rude according to
another.
Or it 1Jl3Y be that there is an order of precedence among the rules,
dctcrm!nin.&. JV_hich_ is preferentially ~pplied ~t v~ou~ points ~ a
nlotionsJJi_p. and Jhts ma.Y. differ between t:;ultures. I am suggesting
bere that the rules as stated are univet"Sal: in no society, it is my
prdiminary prediction, will there be no reftcu:s of any of these rules;
tNt one society may apply Rule I every chance it gets, to the very
ldv.nced stages of intunacy, and another will switch to Rule 3 with
lllinuginable celerity. When members of these two hypotheticaJ cuJ-
'-es meet, it is analogous to the meeting of matter and antimatrer:
en explosion takes place. This happens s.1l the time: one speaker says
a..ething meant to indicate warmth and friend'ihip; the second
~faker backs away. ending the exchange abruptly, muttering, "He
... some nerve!'' The first speaker wander-8 off, musing, "Now what's
matter with Jum?"
Cob8idff what h~tppens when an American, • German. and a 1apa·
meet. Suppose they all want to make a good impression and to
70 I LanguaR~ aruJ Woman's Place
_j
Why Women Are lAdies I 75
,t
The job of people who find themselves, as members of nondominant
groups, ~ing stereotyped is not nec.cssarily to decide that there is no
truth underlying the stereotype and that therefore the stereotype 1s
j bad and must be destroyed (though this may sometimes be true); but
it may a_lso_~Y/Q[thwhil~ to a,<;sume that t}!~~~SQille truth behind
lhe stereotype. but Lhat what itrepr~J}ts -~a gQOd trait rather than
the bad one it had been assumt:d b)' the dominant group to be. Women
sometimes realize this: thus, It had been n1omatic in our \.·ultur~ for
some time that Wamt!D Jacked ~$iveness and that this was a bad
thmg about women, a reason why they'd never make it in the real
world, and never had. Women had two_possible optiO!lS for l,icaling
with this stereotype: to deny it, provinA they_~~rc: just as pugnacious
as men, or to reaffirm it and take nonaggressiveness to be a virtue.
Di!'cn:nt groups have done different things in this regard, but cer-
tainly rhe latter position is a strong one. We must not continue to be
brainwashed.
We may ask how these two styles establish themselve:s as sex-linked
traits. Is it inherent, and thus inevitable? Or is it J~ed at an early
age? Evidence for the latter ss that some women don't learn the
predominant female style; this is a hopeful augury, since we miglll
eventually learn bow to educate aU children to be equally ftuent in
both speech types. The 4i~ti.QctiQ'l1W~.!.t~xe~ly age: psy-
chologists studying children in nursery school have found that little
boys _.ready tend to communicate about e.xternaJ tbings-bualding
garaces. having battles, and so on-while little girls are more apt to
talk about their own and other ~pie's feelings, about each other, and
about tht.."U' socialization panems (who is best friends with whom, and
s.o on). As mentioned previously, other studies have shown that little
lirls are "politer" in speech than boys of the same ag~:. so we may
assume that these two styles of behavior_ ar~ learned togeth~, as we
would expect.
Another question raised at the outset of this discussion has not yet
been answered: Not only are women more polite, but men are !>Up-
~ ~o bemore polite around women t_han they are with ea<.:h otht.:r:.
76 I Language and Womars 's Place
did, but rather each did her tndividual job in the company of others
--diltnm..n~elQJ!J.~b.J!~g)les Qf .wor~!_!l_g !S_a group. Now
obviously, within the male group.~ memhen might be singled out
as, say. the best archers or the fteetest runners: so that within the
&eneral atmosphere of coopenttion you might find competition: but
basically the males directed their efforts toward a common goal;
among the females, each had her own goal iiUld succeeded as an
individual. Of course, having no rec.ords of human life in those primi-
tive times, we have no means of knowing whether this theory is
correct; but Tiger discusses some characteristics of modem life that
might be viewed a& stemming from those habit.; inculcated in tbe
species millennia ago. In this view, it is the prcsent-<lay reflexes Qf
male boodine that enable men r~Lwork tog~t,ht:r in indust~Jit!_cs,
r~ligjon, l~e IJ!ilitary-any powerful group, to retain its power, must
have some sort of cohesive force underlying it, inducing its members
to work as a team. And indeed, in virtually every culture we look at.,
we see that men are in control of all the major institutions. (Margaret
Mead and otbers have discussed a few ioolated societies in whicb
women seem to be in charge. but these arc ml8.11 in siu and few in
number-and indeed, we may even have reason to beheve tbat the
lack of success of these societies is in part due to the fact that women
are in control. Certainty such cultures represent abarations from tlle
norm.) Tiger suggests that these groups work by relying on male
bonding, and that this is in fact \Jib.Y ~Qrnen_fmd JLso hard___!Q_ be
~Pt~ as m~~. why in fact of'tcn they opt out entirely: they feel
they are out of place. Further, this is why men like ro go on "stag"
hunting and fishing trips, and generally congr~atc in all-male groups.
There are occasional exceptions, and of course the more a society is
able to divest itself of millennia-old habits, the more women will be
integrated into the fonnerly all-male groups. If people can become
vegetarians, or avoid war, they presumably can compenll8te for the
...:..• reflexes of male bonding; but none of these departures from the age-
~· old nonns is very widespread in society as yet.
This thesis is viewed with alarm by many feminists, principally
because it seems to suggest that things are hopcles.'l: "This is an
ingrained habit.," such a theory suggests, "and you'll never change it,
7!i I Language and Woman's Place
because it goes deeper than the roots of the human race." Ccruunly
that is the pos1tion Tiger hold~. But it is not necessary to ~pt such
a pessimistic point of view. One can, as a feminist, agree that there
is somethmg going on in the overwhelming majority of cultures today
that can be d<.:scri~ a~ "male bonding," and may want to agroe. too.
that Lhis goes back as far into recorded history as we can see, and,
from primate evJdcnce. perhaps back to the very dawn of mankind.
But man has changed much about himself: from (probably) am origi-
nal fruit eater. he has hecome an omnivore; from a tree dweller, a
ground animal; and so on. We might work toward either of two goaJs:
to reduce the necessity for bonding among men, or to encourage it
among women, and among all people. Or we might try aU these
options, mitigating men's desire to bond, and strengthening women's.
Considering the changes that have occurred only in the past decade
in our views on, say, sexual normality, it doesn't seem too far-fetched
that our views on the ways, necessity, and pleasures of bonding might
be simtlarly altcrcxl, if pc:ople set their minds to it, before too long.
Never underestimate the influence of the media.
We would like, that is, not only for men to accept women as integral
parts of their groups, but for women to be able to group with other
loi(OJl1en as men do with men. As Phyllis Chesler points out, this is_n_ot
at_pr~t normally the case:
Womn~, although :r.imiL'\r to each other in many ways. arc IJ)Qfe 1SQ{at~
frQm c:ach_()~er _i,_tt>mts of groups [Italics hers) than men arc_ Women
are not consolidated into eithc:r public or powerful groups. Women as
mothcn; arc "grouped" with their children (who grow up and leave
them). and only tempon~rily, and supnficiaUy with o~r women: for
example, in parks, at women's auxiliary functions, and at hcterosellual
parties. 1
4 /Conclusion
This. then. 1s finally the point for the reader to ponder: I have g~ven
rCJlSOn to believe that the kinds of "pohteness" used by and of and to
women do not arise by ac6dent; that they are, indeed, stifling, exclu-
sive, and oppressive. But I don't feel that we must maintain the kinds
of social relationships we have always assumed. If we are aware of
what we're doing, why we're doing it, and the effects our actions have
on ourselves and everyone else, we will have the power to change. I
hope this book will be one small first step in the direction of a wider
option of life styles, for men and women.
Un·.-..-. ..,·,_ .• ,
Un1v. CitL '·''t,e'-
~-------·;;. 4Jj
~~····
Bibliography
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