Running Head: A ROAD MAP TO HOLLAND 1

Caeli Welker
10/31/18

A Road Map to Holland - Book Reflection and Analysis

A Road Map to Holland​ is a true story written by ​Jennifer Graf Groneberg. ​ It is her

first-hand experience of having a son with Down syndrome. The story takes place in a hidden

home in the woods of Montana where a father, a son, and a mother had no idea that their lives

would be changed forever. The mother, Jennifer, was a stay-at-home mom who spent her days

caring for her children. When given a spare moment, she enjoyed writing. Her husband, Tom,

was also a writer. For him, it was a full time job. Their son, Carter, was four when the story

took place. They were not a wealthy family, but they lived a simple and comfortable life. The

story began with Jennifer’s pregnancy; she was pregnant with twins. The events that followed

hurled the family into a whirlwind of confusion, worry, sleepless nights, and piles of medical

bills. It happened that Jennifer had to have an emergency c-section six weeks premature, which

lead to the babies having to be placed in the NICU. The twins were two beautiful boys named

Bennett and Avery. It was during the twins’ time in the NICU that Jennifer learned that Avery

had Down syndrome. The book details the life of the young family as they learned to care for

two premature babies, one with Down syndrome. Jennifer struggled to accept Avery, but she

loved him nonetheless. She lost friends along the way, while others remained at her side and

new friends stepped into her life. Through it all, Jennifer developed an undying love for Avery

as she realized the blessing he truly was.

Groneberg’s writing style is unique. Rather than writing in sequential order of events,

she moves from event to event in a sort of wispy fashion, as if she is writing based on what she is
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feeling at the time. Additionally, Groneberg is very honest in her writing. When I read her

book, I felt as though right there with her, experiencing her life through her eyes. Groneberg has

the ability to make her readers experience sadness, joy, worry, and anxiety. The marks of a great

writer. Reading her book is like embarking on an emotional roller coaster without even realizing

it. After putting the book down, it takes a few minutes to process what has occured. The reader

is hazy, and returning to the the real world is difficult. Groneberg also has the skill of provoking

thought in her readers. After reading her book, I could not help but sit awhile and simply ponder

life and its many ups and downs. Reading Groneberg’s book is like entering into a new world,

like walking in the shoes of another.

At the beginning of the story and throughout the duration of the book, the Groneberg

family is in the ​Families with Infants and Young Children​ stage. This stage is concerned with

parents having young children and/or infants of whom are cared for by the parents. In the

Groneberg’s case, they have a young child of three-years-old and two infants. The parents’ lives

became focused on the care of their children, especially the premature twins. In discovering

Avery’s case of Down syndrome, the parents became stressed and unsure of how to continue in

raising him. While the parents did go through a type of “grieving period” where they were

overcome with shock and numbed with uncertainty, they did not ever deny the disability of their

son. They learned to familiarize themselves with the disability and accept and love Avery as he

was, taking into account his specific needs.

One family function that is present within the Groneberg family throughout the story is

daily care needs. This function has to do with the care that a family needs as a whole as well as

individually. As a whole, a family needs love and attention from each other constantly.
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Individually, the needs of each member are unique. Carter needed specific attention from his

parents, as he was a growing child and had to be cared for by being bathed, fed, or put to bed.

The father’s needs in the story were more along the lines of affection and support from his wife

and vice versa. Tom and Jennifer met the needs of each other, while they jointly cared for

Carter. With the arrival of two premature babies (one with Down syndrome), there was a slight

shift in how the family function operated. Carter and his parents required the same daily care as

before, but now their attention was spread thin. The daily care needs of the twins was brought

into the picture. The marriage of Tom and Jennifer became strained. They found it difficult to

be as present and supportive as before, especially when they were both constantly exhausted.

Despite this strain, the couple remained strong, working together and supporting each other in

raising two newborns. Meeting the daily needs of Carter became more difficult as well;

however, with perseverance and love, his needs were never neglected. Additionally, Carter’s

role in the family function changed when he began to help care for the needs of his twin brothers,

even more so when he learned of his brother’s disability, which was explained to him as being a

special blessing.

When Jennifer initially learned that her son had Down syndrome, she reacted badly. She

blamed herself for her son’s disability, thinking about how she had been ridiculous to want more

children. She reacted as if she should not have tried to have more children at all. She looked

back at her life when it was just her husband and her son and thought to herself, ​Why did I want

more? Why did I not see how great my life was? Life was so simple when it was just us three.

Throughout the book, Jennifer had an internal struggle where she attempted to accept Avery’s

disability. She could not help but think of what his life would be like if he did not have Down
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syndrome. Gradually, Jennifer came to realize that Avery was perfect just the way he was. She

realized that Avery was a blessing, not a curse. She found herself overflowing with love for him.

Every tiny accomplishment of Avery’s was met with joy and awe. Then the guilt came. Jennifer

was overcome with the fact that she had not accepted Avery from the beginning. But through

friendships and the life of Avery, she was able to seek forgiveness, so that love was all that was

left.

Despite Jennifer’s uneasiness about Avery, she never neglected his needs. From the very

beginning, she did all she could to make sure Avery was receiving the best care. She sacrificed

her time to research and learn more about the disability in order to better serve Avery. She

called national associations. She sought out professionals who had experience with children with

Down syndrome. Avery’s care was Jennifer’s top priority. When she did find professionals who

helped with Avery’s overall development, she had mainly good experiences. The physical and

language therapists worked so well with Avery, Jennifer found herself grateful for their support.

And through their eyes, she was able to love her son better. However, not all of Jennifer’s

experiences were positive ones. For example, when a female audiologist gave Avery a hearing

exam, the audiologist grew impatient with him, causing him to cry. Jennifer felt strongly that

this woman was uncomfortable being around a baby with Down syndrome, but through the

support of her family and friends, Jennifer overcame the awful experience. When concerned

with professionals, Jennifer’s bad experiences were outweighed by the good ones. Jennifer

learned from Avery’s therapists. They taught her about Down syndrome and how to help with

physical and vocal development. Jennifer found that these professionals were people who truly

cared about Avery.

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In her book, Jennifer does a fantastic job of sharing her honest and real experiences and

reactions to having a baby with Down syndrome. However, her flighty form of writing can be

difficult to follow. Nevertheless, ​A Road Map to Holland​ is a valuable book for both teachers

and parents who have children with disabilities. It actualizes the fear of having a child with a

disability as well as the difficult times that will occur. It also reveals to the reader the blessing it

is to have a child with special needs. Jennifer’s life was changed for the better when Avery came

along. This story made me think about what it must have been like for my grandparents, whose

youngest daughter has Down syndrome. It must have been a shocking and difficult time for

them that also brought about love and acceptance. My aunt (the daughter of my grandparents) is

an enormous part of my life, and I can only be grateful for the strength of my grandparents in

raising and caring for her.