Jackson

Kate Jackson

Mrs. Miller

English 3 Honors

4 September 2018

Dancing through distress

You gotta be kidding me!!!

I’m a rising junior and the new coach chose a handful of sophomores and freshman. There is

no justice in this world!!!

Ok, a bit dramatic, but I really was hurt.

Dance team auditions were being held toward the end of sophomore year. I was very excited

because I was on the team the previous year and loved it and I have always been a person willing to

try because, “what’s the harm in trying?” I had to miss the second day of auditions because my mom

and I had planned to see “​Hamilton​” in Virginia months ago. On the way home, I continuously played

videos of the routines that I had missed. When I finally got home, I quickly ran inside and started to

teach myself the routines. It was difficult and exhausting, but within an hour, I successfully learned

two dances. I was proud of myself and ready to go.

At the audition, I was satisfied with my dancing, but knew I could have done better. Results

were to be posted that night. Would my number be on the list? My laptop was on the dance team

website and I scanned the list of numbers. I found mine under the word “Alternate”. Although

disappointed, I was relieved to be included. I received an email the next morning defining the role of

an alternate. Sadly, the alternates were not considered part of the team and would not be performing

unless another team member is “injured, quits or is removed from the team.” My heart dropped to my

feet and I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. After being a loyal member of the team for a year,

not only could I not perform, but I couldn’t even order the uniform. I was devastated.
 Jackson

Kate Jackson

Mrs. Miller

English 3 Honors

4 September 2018

Even though I felt crushed, I was more angry that my love of dancing was being taken away.

Besides being disappointed, I was also embarrassed. Somehow, I found the courage to ask for a

meeting with the coach and expressed to her how I felt. She would not budge. She proposed a plan.

I could be an alternate or not on the team at all. After much thought, I decided to be the best alternate

I could be!

About a month later, I was getting ready to go to the first day of our summer dance camp. With

a shaky breath I told my mom how scared I was to dance next to all of the girls who were deemed

better than I was. As soon as my mom’s car pulled into school, I felt my eyes water and my heart beat

faster. A full-blown anxiety attack was happening. I didn’t think I could do it and all of my thoughts

were telling me to go home. After what felt like forever, I found the courage and strength to get out of

the car. I wiped off my tears and told myself that I could do it and that I would regret it if I didn’t try.

After that day, I started regaining confidence in myself. While the other girls received their

uniforms, I continued practicing. Coach put me in the back, but I danced like I was front and center.

In the weeks leading up to junior year, Coach told me that I was close to being on the team and that

she was proud of how hard I was working. On the second day of school, I couldn’t help but smile,

because I was finally invited to be on the team! I was so proud to wear my uniform to school on game

day.

From this experience, I learned that with perseverance, practice, and self-respect, I can

achieve my goals. I am stronger and more determined than I have ever been. When life hands me its
 Jackson

Kate Jackson

Mrs. Miller

English 3 Honors

4 September 2018

worst, I will always come back kicking! Even though not making dance team broke my heart, it did not

crush my spirit!

Rubric rating submitted on: 10/1/2018, 4:32:07 PM by smmiller@wcpss.net

5 4 3 2 1

Focus/ Exposition The narrative The narrative The narrative The narrative The narrative
CCSS -W: 3a 4 insightfully competently superficially partially minimally
Your score: 5 addresses all addresses all addresses all addresses addresses some
aspects of the aspects of the aspects of the aspects of the aspect of the
prompt prompt Engages prompt Attempts prompt Might prompt Does not
Purposefully and orients the to engage or engage or orient engage or orient
engages and reader by setting orient the reader the reader by the reader by
orients the reader out a problem, by setting out a setting out a setting out a
by setting out a situation problem, situation problem, situation problem, situation
problem,
situation, or
observation and
its significance

Organization/ Plot Expertly creates Creates a smooth Experiences and Progression of Event sequence
CCSS – W: 3a 3c a smooth progression of events are experiences or unfolds illogically
3e 4 progression of experiences or somewhat events may be Does not use
Your score: 5 experiences or events Uses a connected Uses confusing or sequencing
events Adeptly variety of a variety disjointed techniques to
uses a variety of techniques to techniques to Techniques do create coherence
techniques to sequence events sequence events not build on one or build toward a
sequence events that build on one that build on one another to create particular tone or
that build on one another to create another to create a coherent whole outcome
another to create a coherent whole a coherent whole or build toward a Provides no
a coherent whole and build toward or build toward a particular tone or conclusion or one
and build toward a particular tone particular tone or outcome that is not
a particular tone and outcome outcome Provides a weak connected to the
and outcome Provides a Provides a conclusion that narrated
Skillfully provides conclusion that conclusion that may not connect experiences or
a conclusion that clearly follows connects to the to the narrated events
follows from and from and reflects narrated experiences or
reflects on what on what is experiences or event
is experienced, experienced, event
observed, or observed or
resolved over the resolved over the
 Jackson

Kate Jackson

Mrs. Miller

English 3 Honors

4 September 2018

course of the
narrative

Narrative Skillfully uses Effectively uses a Adequately uses Uses limited Uses few to no
Techniques narrative variety of a variety of narrative narrative
CCSS -W: 3b 3d techniques such narrative narrative techniques to techniques Does
Your score: 4 as dialogue, techniques to techniques to develop not use sensory
pacing, develop develop experiences, language or
description, experiences, experiences, events Uses descriptive details
reflection to events Uses events Uses concrete words or Little to no
develop precise words some descriptive phrases with evidence that
experiences, and phrases, details, and limited use of audience’s
events relevant sensory language descriptive details knowledge level,
Sophisticated use descriptive to convey and sensory concerns, and
of precise words details, and experiences and language possible biases
and phrases, sensory language events Some Audience's have been
telling details, to capture the consideration knowledge level, considered
and sensory action and give to the concerns, values,
language to convey audience's and possible
convey a vivid experiences and knowledge level, biases have
picture of the events concerns, values, hardly been
experiences, Anticipates the and possible considered
events Adeptly audience's biases
anticipates the knowledge level,
audience's concerns, values,
knowledge level, and possible
concerns, values, biases
and possible
biases

Language CCSS Uses purposeful Uses correct and Uses mostly Uses limited Lacks sentence
– L: 1 2 3 and varied varied sentence correct and some and/or repetitive mastery (e.g.,
Your score: 4 sentence structure varied sentence sentence fragments/
structure Contains few, structure structure run-ons) Contains
Contains minimal minor errors in Contains some Contains serious and
to no errors in conventions errors in numerous errors pervasive errors
conventions Utilizes strong conventions in conventions in conventions
(grammar, and grade-level which may cause which cause Utilizes incorrect
punctuation, appropriate word confusion Usually confusion Utilizes and/or simplistic
spelling, choice utilizes vague or basic word choice
capitalization) grade-level word choice
Utilizes precise appropriate word
and sophisticated choice
 Jackson

Kate Jackson

Mrs. Miller

English 3 Honors

4 September 2018

word choice

Comments:
Strong essay- could have benefitted from more advanced vocabulary and bit more devoted to the
qualities you have gained, but written and organized well- 90%