Principle 54: Keep Your Agreements: Introduction To This Principle

PRINCIPLE 54: KEEP YOUR AGREEMENTS
Introduction to This Principle

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"Your life works to the degree you keep your agreements."
Werner Erhardt,
Founder of the EST Training and Landmark Forum
"Never promise more than you can perform."

PubLilius Syrus
It used to be that one’s word was one’s bond. Agreements were made and kept with a minimum of fanfare.
People thought carefully about whether they could deliver on their promises before agreeing to anything. It
was that important. Today, keeping one’s agreements seems to be a hit or miss affair.
“Success Principle #54: Keep your Agreements” is designed to teach, in an intentional way, the cost of not
keeping agreements. Setting up guidelines and agreements for a training session also helps keep order and
sets expectations of behavior for the training.
In This Principle
Concepts
Tips on Making and Keeping Your Agreements
Demonstrations
The High Cost of Not Keeping Your Agreements
The Rules of the Game
Exercises
The High Cost of Not Keeping Your Agreements – Exercise
Worth More Than a Million Dollars – Exercise
Broken Agreements and Promises
Donkey Demo
Worksheets

Copyright © 2018 Self Esteem Seminars, L.P. All Rights Reserved. Jack Canfield and The Success Principles
are trademarks of Self Esteem Seminars, L.P. 7/19/18

Keep Your Agreements – Concept
Context
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This exercise illustrates the importance of keeping your agreements. When you do not keep your agreements,
you pay both external and internal costs. These costs are high and can lead to loss of one’s self-esteem, self-
confidence and self-respect.
Overview
Every agreement you make is ultimately with yourself. Your integrity and self-esteem are tied directly to your
decision to maintain your agreements. By understanding the value of your integrity, you won’t make
agreements that you don’t intend to keep, you will make fewer agreements and you will do whatever it takes
to keep the ones you do make.
Objectives
Participants will identify the importance of maintaining their agreements.
Support
PowerPoint Slides

The High Cost of Not Keeping Your Agreements
Introduction
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In my seminars, I ask participants to agree to a list of 15 ground rules that include things like being on time,
sitting in a different chair after every break, and no alcoholic beverages until after the training is over. I even
have them sign a form in their workbook that says, “I agree to keep all these guidelines and ground rules.”
This lengthy list of guidelines will not work in a one-day workshop, in order to really make this land it needs to
be in a multi-day agreement or an ongoing group. In a one day workshop I might have a few key Guidelines
and Agreements such as no side talking, come back from breaks on time and wait for the microphone to talk;
you can determine what guidelines and agreement are best suited for your audience, length of workshop and
purpose of the training.
This exercise takes place over the course of a few days. The first day of the training, I have each student agree
to the set of agreements for the remainder of the training. Here is an example of what the list of agreements
looks like in my average seminar, complete with a line for each student’s signature:
Example: Guidelines and Agreements

1. Be on time to all sessions.
2. Attend all sessions and complete the seminar.
3. No alcohol or drugs until the end of the seminar.
• Keep taking doctor’s prescribed medications.
4. No smoking in this room. Go to the bathroom only on breaks.
5. Don’t bring water to seats in an open cup; closed containers only.
6. Wear your name tag at all times during the sessions.
• Wearing your nametag in a visible place allows others to learn and call you by name.
7. No side talking.
8. Turn cell phone off or put on vibrate.
9. To share, raise your hand, stand, say your name, talk loud, use the microphone. Applaud after each
speaker has spoken.
10. Rotate seating after every break.
11. Follow all the facilitator’s instructions.


12. Complete all the homework.
• The homework is an integral aspect of the seminar. In order for you to receive maximum value we
request that you commit to completing all the homework.
13. Confidentiality.
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• Whatever anyone says during the seminar about him/herself is to be held in the strictest confidence.
You are welcome to talk about your own experience, the processes and the seminar itself. Do not talk
about exercises that have surprise “AHA” endings.
14. Communicate any upsets about the training to Jack either verbally or in writing.
15. No new sex.
16. Do not wear perfume or other scents (essential oils, aftershave, cologne) to the training.
17. No new major decisions for two weeks.
18. Hand in your completed evaluation form by the end of the seminar.
19. Write or email a letter to Jack Canfield by XXXX (30 days post-event).
We really want to hear from you, how you are doing and what results you are producing from the seminar. We
also want to know if there is any way we can better serve you.
We very much want your feedback about the seminar and support in perfecting the effectiveness of the
seminar.
Send your letters (or an email) to:

Train the Trainer
The Canfield Training Group
P.O. Box 30880
Santa Barbara, CA 93130

Or
TTT@jackcanfield.com

________________________________________ Current date
Signed
Review the agreements you set in place with your group. I ask my students to repeat each agreement out loud,
and to stand when they agree to the entire list and sign the page. This is a way for them to physically
acknowledge that they are making an agreement, and a way for them not to be able to say later in the week
that they didn't hear me when we went through the agreements together.
On the morning of the third day, I ask everyone who has broken one of the ground rules to stand up. We then
look at what we can learn from the experience. What becomes apparent is how casually we give our word—
and then how casually we break it.
What I find even more interesting is that most people know they are going to break at least one of the
guidelines before agreeing to them; yet they agree to them anyway. Why? Most people want to avoid the
discomfort of questioning the rules. They don’t want to be the focus of attention. They don’t want to risk
confrontation of any kind. Others want to take the training without really following the rules, so they appear to
agree, but they don’t really intend to follow through.
The real problem is not that people give and break their word so easily; it’s that they don’t realize the
psychological cost of doing so.

When you don’t keep your agreements, you pay both external and internal costs. You lose trust, respect, and
credibility with others—your family, your friends, your colleagues, and your customers. And you create messes
in your own life and in the lives of those who depend on you for getting things done—whether it’s showing up
on time to leave for the movies, getting a report done on time, or cleaning the garage.
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After a few weeks of not following through on your promise to take the kids to the park on the weekend, they
begin not to trust you to keep your word. They realize they can’t count on you. You lose authority with them.
Your relationship deteriorates.
Every Agreement You Make with Others Is Also Made with Yourself
More importantly, every agreement you make is ultimately with yourself. Even when you are making an
agreement with someone else, your brain hears it and registers it as a commitment. You are making an
agreement with yourself to do something, and when you don’t follow through, you learn to distrust yourself.
The result is a loss of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect. You lose faith in your ability to produce a
result. You weaken your sense of integrity.
Let’s say that you tell your spouse you’re going to get up at 6:30 in the morning and do some exercise before
going to work. But after 3 days of hitting the snooze alarm, your brain knows better than to trust you. Of
course, you may think sleeping late is no big deal, but to your unconscious it is a very big deal. When you don’t
do what you say you will, you create confusion and self-doubt. You undermine your sense of personal power.
It’s not worth it.
Procedure
A day or two after the agreements have been set up in the classroom, ask the group to stand up if anyone has
broken an agreement. Walk around the room and ask students the following questions. It is helpful to have
these questions visible on a slide.
1. Which agreement(s) did you break?

2. When did you first know you would have a broken agreement?
3. What did you make more important than keeping your word?
• Comfort
• Approval
• Rebellion/Control
Every answer that a student will give you, will come down to the three reasons states above: comfort, approval
or control. Remind the group that it is okay to ask for an exception, re-negotiate when an agreement cannot
be met, and to now make agreements that we know we will not keep.
For someone who cannot come to the conclusion that they broke an agreement for comfort, approval or
control, I like to lead them through one of the following scenarios. For a million dollars or to save the life of a
loved one, they sure will make a change in order to keep the agreement and their word.
FACILITATOR TIP: Sometimes participants might tell you they feel guilty when they admit to breaking the
agreements. Remember to tell them this is not about guilt or shame, it is about awareness and to look at
where else this might show up in their life. Where else do they have unmet agreements or do they make
agreements, knowing they will not follow through.

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Script
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Can I see a raise of hands of those of you who did not keep all of your homework
agreements?
Pick someone in the audience and ask them:
What agreement or agreements did you break?
When did you first know you’d have a broken agreement?
What did you make more important than keeping your word?
Discuss the following reasons why people don't keep their agreements:
Convenience
Comfort
Approval
Rebellion
Control
Ask: “What is the price you pay for not keeping your agreements?”
Integrity
Respect
Self-esteem
Confusion
Power


Discuss Typical Excuses: www.getwsodo.com
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Couldn’t do it? -- $1million dollars – most loved one’s life – pistol to the head demo

Tips for Keeping your agreements:

1. Don’t make agreements you don’t intend to keep.
2. Re-negotiate agreements as soon as you are aware that you can’t keep them.
3. Write your agreements down.
4. Review them regularly.
5. Let person know as soon as you know you are going to break an agreement.
6. Don’t over commit.


Donkey Demo

Ask for a volunteer from the audience to do this demonstration
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“I am going to pretend that (your volunteer's name) is my inner self, and I'm going to make
an agreement with (volunteer's name). Do you all know what a Donkey is? It's an animal,
like a horse, that is a little bit more stubborn. I have to train myself, and in this case the
donkey. (Volunteer's name) will represent the donkey.
I'm going to teach (Volunteer's name) how things work.
“This is forward”
Show (your volunteer) forward (move forward with your volunteer)
“This is backward”
Show (your volunteer) backward (move backwards with your volunteer)
“This is right”
Show (your volunteer) right (move to the right with your volunteer)
“This is left”
Show (your volunteer) left (move to the left with your volunteer)
Repeat again
Let's Test
Ask (your volunteer), what is forward? (your volunteer moves forward)
Ask (your volunteer), what is backward? (your volunteer moves backward)
Ask (your volunteer), what is left? (your volunteer moves left)
Ask (your volunteer), what is right? (your volunteer moves right)

“So now I have trained myself to know what forward is, what keeping my agreements looks
like, what getting up on time looks like, etc.
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Then we have something that looks like this.
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Say your volunteers name, “ XXX go forward”. (Your volunteer tries to move forward, but
you pull them in the opposite direction so that s/he can't move.)
“Go forward, go forward. Come on (say your volunteers name)”.
“Now go backward” (push against your volunteer again in the opposite direction)
Stop, and ask:
“Now (state you volunteers name), how do you feel?”
Your volunteer may say he feels tired, confused, lack of energy, and unmotivated.
“So how many of you have ever felt lack of energy, tired, confused? Not all of it, but a lot of
it stems from not keeping agreements with ourselves. You stop believing yourself, and lose
your integrity.
Have you ever met someone who comes in with a sense of power, charisma and when they
say something, you trust that it's going to happen. And there are other people, where you
don't get that sense of certainty. That sense of power and certainty comes with keeping
agreements with your self. Certainty is clarity; If I am absolutely clear about something, I
know it will happen. Having integrity with your word is the same thing. We want to get to a
place where our words matter, they have power, and where we can trust ourselves to keep
our agreements.
In the outer world, what is the cost when we don't keep our agreements? We lose trust. If
you are not a model for what you are expecting, you are not going to get that back from
your audience.
Thank you (your volunteers name), you can sit down”.

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Worth More Than a Million Dollars - Exercise
Your Integrity and Self-Esteem Are Worth More Than a Million Dollars
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When you realize how important your integrity and self-esteem really are, you will stop making casual
agreements just to get someone off your back. You won’t sell your self-esteem for a little bit of momentary
approval. You won’t make agreements you don’t intend to keep. You will make fewer agreements, and you will
do whatever it takes to keep them.
To illustrate this in my seminars, I ask attendees, “If you knew you would get a million dollars if you made it to
the end of the seminar without breaking one ground rule, could you have done it?” Most agree that they
could.
Often there is still one holdout who says, “No way. I just couldn’t do it. I’m not responsible for the traffic jam I
encountered on the way to the seminar this morning.” Or “How am I supposed to be on time when my ride
was late picking me up?”
I then ask, “What if the person whom you love most in the world would have to die if you didn’t keep all the
ground rules for the training? Would you have done anything differently then?”
Now the person who says the traffic made them late finally gets it and acknowledges, “Oh, yes. If my son’s life
were at stake, I wouldn’t even have left this room. I would have slept on the floor in the conference room
rather than take the risk of being late.”
Once you realize how important keeping your word is, you realize you have the ability to do it. It’s simply a
matter of realizing what you are giving up. The personal power that you get from keeping your agreements is
worth a whole lot more than a million dollars. If you want more self-esteem, self- confidence, self-respect,
personal power, mental clarity, and energy, then you’ll make keeping your word more important. If you want
to have the respect and trust of others, which is critical to accomplishing anything big and important in life
(including making a million dollars), then you will take keeping your agreements more seriously.
Exercise Close:
After questioning the members of the group, I like to close by reminding the group of the following (you may
want to have these on a PowerPoint as you talk through them):
Price of not keeping agreements:

• Loss of trust…loss of respect
• Loss of relationships
• Loss of business, jobs, income, money
• Tiredness, fatigue, loss of energy
• Confusion, lack of mental clarity, lack of inner peace
• Loss of integrity…loss of self-esteem
• Loss of power
Here are some tips for making fewer agreements and for keeping the ones you make.
1. Make only agreements that you intend to keep. Take a few seconds before making an agreement to
see if it is really what you want to do. Check in with yourself. How does your body feel about it? Don’t

make an agreement just because you are looking for someone’s approval. If you do, you’ll find yourself
breaking these commitments.
2. Write down all the agreements you make. Use a calendar, daily planning book, notebook, or computer
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to record all of your agreements. In the course of a week, you might enter into dozens of agreements.
One of the big reasons we don’t keep our agreements is that with the daily pressure of all of our
activities, we forget many of the agreements that we have made. Write them down, and then review
your list every day. As I have stated before, a new finding from brain research is that when we don’t
write something down or make some effort to store it in long-term memory, the memory can be lost
in as little as 37 seconds. You may have great intentions, but if you forget to do what you agreed to do,
the result is the same as your choosing not to keep your agreements.
3. Review them regularly so you are aware of what you have committed to
4. Communicate any broken agreement at the first appropriate time. As soon as you know you are going
to have a broken agreement—your car won’t start, you are caught in traffic, your child is sick, your
babysitter can’t make it, your computer crashes—notify the other person as soon as possible, and then
renegotiate the agreement. This demonstrates respect for others’ time and their needs. It also gives
them time to reschedule, re-plan, make other arrangements, and limit any potential damage. If the
first appropriate time is after the fact, still let them know that you have a broken agreement, clean up
any consequences, and decide whether to recommit to the agreement.
5. Clarify that you have agreements with other people. Clarify the agreement so you both have the same
understanding.
6. Learn to say no more often. Give yourself time to think it over before making any new agreements. I
write the word NO in yellow highlighter on all my calendar pages as a way to remind myself to really
consider what else I’ll have to give up if I say yes to something new. It makes me pause and think
before I add another commitment to my life.

Rules of the Game Story
One of the most powerful trainings I ever took was one called “Money and You,” created by Marshall Thurber
in the late 1970s. It radically changed how I related to money, business, and relationships.
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Everything that you want to accomplish requires relationships—with your friends, family, staff, vendors,
coaches, bosses, board of directors, clients, customers, partners, associates, students, teachers, audience,
fans, and others. For those relationships to work, you need to set up what my friend John Assaraf calls “the
rules of engagement,” what Marshall Thurber, D.C. Cordova, and the other folks at Accelerated Business
Schools call “the rules of the game.”
How are we going to play together? What are the ground rules and guidelines for the relationship going to be?
Marshall taught us the following guidelines, which I have endeavored to live by ever since. If you and all the
people you interacted with were to agree to the following rules, your level of success would soar.
Be willing to support our purpose, values, rules, and goals.
Speak with good purpose. If it doesn’t serve, don’t say it. No making people wrong,
justifying, or defending.
If you disagree or do not understand, ask clarifying questions. Don’t make the other person
wrong.
Make only agreements you are willing and intend to keep.
If you can’t keep an agreement, communicate as soon as practical to the appropriate person.
Clear up any broken agreement at the first appropriate opportunity.
When something is not working, first look to the system for corrections and then propose a
system-based solution to the person who can do something about it.
Be responsible. No blaming, no defending, no justifying, and no shaming.

List below all people and institutions with whom you have broken agreements or lapses of integrity.
Decide when you will communicate your acknowledgement of this broken agreement to them, or
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communicate that you no longer wish to keep this agreement, or negotiate a new time by which you will
complete it. If it is a lapse in integrity, communicate the event plus anyway in which you would like to
balance the situation. Check it off as done when you have completed the action or the communication.

Person Agreement Date Done

Trainer Insights Worksheet: What Did You Learn?
Part 1: Module 5: Keep Your Agreements
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□ Practice the Donkey Demo □ Watch the Module Video
□ Fill out the Broken Agreements & Promises □ (Optional) Read Chapter 54 in The Success
Worksheet Principles

From the perspective of a participant:
1. Reflecting on this entire module, what was your most significant learning? (It is important to understand the
impact it has on you before you facilitate it with others.)
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
2. How did this module increase your self-awareness?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Which activity, demonstration, or exercise provided the most significant learning?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
4. Why does this matter?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
5. What difference could this insight make in your life?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
6. Did you notice any internal blocks that stopped you from fully participating in any of the exercises?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
7. What, if anything, are you still wondering about?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________


Trainer Insights Worksheet: What Did You Learn?
Now thinking like a trainer:
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1. How do you think this could affect participants in a workshop?

__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
2. What emotions might come up in a workshop? (resistance, fear, judgment, elation, excitement?) How might
you deal with it?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
3. Did you notice any internal resistance to any of the exercises, if so, what resistance did you have?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
4. How might this impact your ability to facilitate this exercise?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
5. How could you overcome your resistance to effectively facilitate this exercise?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
6. What parts of the video do you intend to review to deepen your understanding of this module?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Notes:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Keep Your Agreements 17

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PRINCIPLE 54: KEEP YOUR AGREEMENTS

Introduction to This Principle

"Never promise more than you can perform."

Example: Guidelines and Agreements

Send your letters (or an email) to:

1. Which agreement(s) did you break?

Pick someone in the audience and ask them:

What agreement or agreements did you break?

When did you first know you’d have a broken agreement?

donkey. (Volunteer's name) will represent the donkey.

I'm going to teach (Volunteer's name) how things work.

Show (your volunteer) forward (move forward with your volunteer)

Show (your volunteer) backward (move backwards with your volunteer)

Ask (your volunteer), what is forward? (your volunteer moves forward)

Ask (your volunteer), what is backward? (your volunteer moves backward)

Ask (your volunteer), what is left? (your volunteer moves left)

Ask (your volunteer), what is right? (your volunteer moves right)

like, what getting up on time looks like, etc.

“Go forward, go forward. Come on (say your volunteers name)”.

Stop, and ask:

“Now (state you volunteers name), how do you feel?”

Thank you (your volunteers name), you can sit down”.

Price of not keeping agreements:

Be willing to support our purpose, values, rules, and goals.

Make only agreements you are willing and intend to keep.

Clear up any broken agreement at the first appropriate opportunity.

system-based solution to the person who can do something about it.

Be responsible. No blaming, no defending, no justifying, and no shaming.

Person Agreement Date Done

1. How do you think this could affect participants in a workshop?

Keep Your Agreements 17

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