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IS'BN 0.-8021-3180 .. ·8

51.30.0

'y'IA' " N' 'IS-II A'TED' 1ft! D" II C"-"O'-"S'TEL1"O""

~"~,,','" ",J:'IILI'\I_: '1' 'Dli '! .. Ir,.,~'_ i: I_ -:I_,IJ,',

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G~ovle Press New'York

..

,·C·A'.'V .... I.~O'Il;,,'t~, l-~~\I"! ~v IJ 'a'-b-n-- C··-· <sld-'c- or ('·PU'I!i',iI.ci""I-hii~ii"'~\ L'''d

. ~ '='r . .1.!;I!lIl1-tjI_I'- ~ - ~;;;J!,I ."., '", Y - .. '. - ~.IJ"" Bini, - <~IJ'~~rlJ '11,1.

AD, 'F,iglilts r'estel'V'ect ,NIl) part JI}II'tb'is, b;f1Jo:k. nUlY' 'be ~ep\r,adueedl bt

y I 1- . "\ (iii I" - , '11;--,' ,-, - - :. d'ii ~~I ~- ,"':" '~A A=r 'ii'Ha-~'b.}IIII-n~I~GI m'4arH-tI.'i . ~D,~ilUld- m~' ,0' aD3?d),~ me 0,1" lOy aoy ~lIJe~Il['O,OI"" ~" IIIIII,~"" A .t~R! . ~ . Ui<T't II ,~l ,_ ,_'

iul'ir.atiOll ~smr.a.oe aud rekieval sL1lJM,eml wifhou't 'p;eriID.ilS,tdOD, In

,~. 0".. W • _. , - J , - ;e,. - .. - - ,-;~ , - -- - - -- - _ - --- ,-- - - --- -

W:rJ~itlnl II-Oim 'lhJe po blisher;" except 'by' a :re:v,iewlef'" w,bo' mary quo",!, 'brit" passages, In a reliew., An,f :melDb en .1 edu,e.tio.na] :~Ds~itufi8ns .lIl1iD,1 1t.01 p:lltTdOe.p', ,9,ft or a' II olf the 'wor:t, ")it ,elals\f,oi!lIDl ule, 'Dr ,pllll'b~isbers 'whoi 'wouli like- to lobtain pST,miiSsio,D 'iu m,clud,e ihe 'w,ork ,;n, -ad antbl,logy,; Ihould srl(Dd ,tb,tdr iD'quiries

'~ '" GC""' -'-' I ,~~,--:--,J A ':U- " J .fj...... 1- - . ..Al:'i B: - . ·,,,~l c' :' -N' .'. ' U,I' 'I'.. ~ 10D0l1,

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Libra,I7' of 'Ctulg'resl Ca,tallt,1 Card 'Nrq'mber 51-6"710'2;, ISB1S" fJ.8I.Z1~3IBI-8'

Grave Pr,ess

a:n imprinlt olf GI'DvelAtJlantitJ lIIe:., 84'1 BrQ\ad,way'

Ne:w' Y'e:rk, NY' lOOD3

I

. I· L' h 1- 'I ...... ~II th'- til, d

, ,,:HE"RE, are sores WJfIJ,C",~_ S\_,O~W, Y erode '~' e lIIU'D:,::

in solitude, like' a leino, of canker.

It is impossible to con:ve'y ajust Idea of ' the 1I0n,y'

, hl h th ~ ....Ii!!I' ;j;nfll" , -I I I

wme .,', ti-,IS ensease can, I,' :i'll,ct~ m genera :,' ,peop.e

~"p.~, !lIP-'-' t" to relezate fi.'!· .. uch inco neeivable su ,«''::'''n-'!iI!oatJ

a;:L.'~, ~,,,,, "",' '. ,'D, '_ ',- g.u, , , ~ " _"", ,I ~', '. " ,,01:;, ---, e;-I

to the category of the inc-edible. Auy mentiOn of them in conversation 'or in, writing is, censidered in the Iight 0:£' current beliefs, the: iadi .. ' vidu al's P ersonal 'be·,'" ,',li'.,lIje','("i! 11i~_ P'~ artio 'u-"'II:a::r-' and- '.~"'~l·

, " ' __ '':'' '"I I, _, ,I':' ~. "',_ ~,......:J_ _ _ ",~, , ' "I;:', , '.1.1, ~' Gc_ LJ"" 0" '.' , q;.I,I,,',. ~;II.UliI

'to provoke a smile of incredulity, and de'rision,. The reason for this 1Dool,m,pre.hensioD is that mankind has not yet discovered a cure for this disease. ,Relief from : t is to be' found on.l'y in th1e o,b'6vioR:

b -QU' zh t - b 0- _ -t bl -'- ,.. - nd I in th'- - ..,.;,c: .. , .... ,1

_ r:;i:_<g __ '_I ,ai,', ,_'U,!; l'::'y WIDe, ,a, '/1:, .: i, 'I:I! :,_" 3 .. utilel .. ,

sleep Induced b,y opium and similar narcoti!cs_. Alas, the effects of suel I: medicines "are 100l.y temporary, ,After a certain, point, illltead, of

I " w," th- ilil h 1 ,Ii! • .1::' .'

a ' eviatmg tne paiD" t -ey on ,y. IDtenSI1Y jlt.,

'Wi~ll anyone ever penetrate the secret or this disease w,bic:h transcends, o'rdinary' experience:" this reverberation of' the shadow of the miDld,

hi h .£t;. .. lf .' c- :1'';:''... tb'

W.,'I,C; mannests i,me"1 in a state 0 ,- ,co,ma 4&e' '1.~I.,t,

between death and resurrec,tion, 'when: one ,~I 'neither asleep nor' ,awU,e?

I

'1 propose to deal wilh. on~'y one cue 01£ this disease. ·1 t concerned me personally and it so shattered m~y entire being tha t I shall never be: able to, drive: the: thought 0:£ it out of' m:y' mind, The evil impression. which it le~t. has, to a, degree

'to h tat surp a sses h ':-11"1-1 man '.'1'0'" d .erstand 1;'O'I'g'u p~'O'-'-"I~ soned

._' ~a, _:_._., ,'" ··il~~!!JI' . I I ~.~.Il.J -.~ __ --' ~___:,_:'.' -- ~J/~i\,..ft-jJ._~. '.:_4, :> :,; .,.:.. ·,oVl..I;. ...._

:m'Y life for all 'time tOI come. 1. said "poi;soned";, I' should have said that I have ever since borne, an:d will bear For' ever, tb,C brand -mark ,Q,f' that

cautery.

I '_ 'b' all tr .:'; to set d'~IO"'" .... -~ )\···-jL.:3,,·:t: 1- can remembe '.r·-__ S,___:._cft·· ~ryll;l s.< .. 1. wn Wl'l_-_-". _- -.' . "'_: __ ~'~_'" _~_ ," ._", __ .,

wh"a,t, has remained in m-')" mind of the seqcu.ence. lof' events, :I, may perhaps be able to draw 18 general conclusion from it all-e-but :00", ~ that is too .much

. '1' h b b l' lI!I . ..3 b th

to expect, .1. may nope to be .•. e !lcvtu. _,IY' ot iers er

at least to convince m.y,s:el-C;, for', after all, it. does not matter to me whether others believe me or not. My one fear is that tomorrow I may die 'witil:ou;t having cHime to know myself: In the: ""'··O·,''''1II~',g: 'D' .. cr':' m ~'V' 'I"'~~ 'I hav .'A diseovere ··--·d;, that a ~~a"'·.""~u"-;-I ~,_.'J!A."d:Ji~,--, _ . 1" . .I.li~ . I~l,~.", .. _' '~~'._ .1.0, LJI,.,~_ ',' l·b __ I~~I'L.,

abyss lies, between me and other people and b18Vf! realised that :my' best course is to remain silent and .keep I_nY thoughts to myself For as long as I can, If' :1- have now' 'made up .my mind to 'write' it . is only in ordee t,o reveal :myse:lf 'to my shadew,

. that 's-hladQw which at thia moment is stretched aeross the wall i'n th,:c attitude of one devouring '., '-I~th"I- I~M_Q"··t-~l-"a.· ble -'. appetite eac h w .~n,r;·dl I' ·W; :~~:t'-'e'- It -;~,

w, .' ~.Il,~a_,·' .:- _!.Ii.c "1_~~~.I.'" ,,'g,). '.~.' g .' "~"" ,~- .. ~_'- .II~

for his sake that I w.ish to make the attempt, 'Who knows '?I -We' {Qiay' per'ha.,ps come to 'know' each IO-O··th· ier be __ tter .. Ever-since '1' broke the 1~1~'t'~ ties wh '~)"'~

.1, -,', "', ' . '.' ,IL!., '*' _.' '.'-' , .,1 I. ,~~, " , .""', 1Ll1· .,~. ',~ '_ .. _._:l:.~l~.~'

..... _" ... ~. . . -- - ~~. -- -

'b- ld h f' '- k'it d . .J; ,. h-

•. ·e~_:~,· I me to t '- e rest 0'" man _~l'n,~ :m'Y ene u,eSlre _,_las

2

,3

cruel world. No, I must not defile her name by

contact with earth lv thines, _

A· fter --:[h"~--h~' - '-d'~-- ."~ .. ' 'I ,',e:;'th~'d'--~' ".- .. , ,C, .-. - ... th·,

1"V':',1 s,~[e·---,_.,a". gon,e " WI .1' M'W rrom 'I:,.;.e tcam-

pillly ofmal'J,from the eompanyofthestupid and

. 'L. R:C l~ d·I·' -. _

tse suceessru alt·.·" m ordee to forget, took 're£u,ge

in w,ine, and opium, M'y' , life passed, .aad at'ill

- - j ~

1 • • •

passes, within. the four walls of my room. All my

li'f7e has passed within four walls, .

. I USM to work throngh the day, decorating the coveraof pen-eases. Or, rather, J spent .on

m trad f decor tit _. til 'I 'Y' Lli·a·. eo' ,pen~cas.e' '.- eeorator :' .. II:l.e '~D1[e that '

d'id not devot _". to ',.',~'., ','. id ~"""':-'-', ':'[ 'I' had I ch :;.,-'-,; ..

.' ... " .... - ·>vo·eo WIne ,an, 'OlP1U,Ql .. , :', ,'baL.: ',/,osen

.. L,· 1 di .-. -.

t"1U;, ; ,'U-~_lcro'us trade of' pen-ease decorator o,nly ,in

order 'to, stu,pefy my,self;; in order somehow or other to' kill time,

I am, fortunate in, 'th,at: the house 'where 'I live·

~- _. ,'...;II bey d th d r-:-' th ..., ·

~s ,S1,t~at~u 1:";':09~: 1 ~' .. .'e e .·-ge 01 : . ': ~e" Cl·ty' in ,a 'qul,et

dis,trict far fr'o:m 'the noise. and bustle -of'life., -It is' completely isolated and around it lie ruins. Only

.', n t--h" "," ,i!, ~, " :~d' ~.- ·~f;·~· ,L. ". . ". '11- . . -. . . ~- b .

'0 __ ..... :c tar Ill, te o~ l~le gu y one can sec a nUIJI"'er

ofsquat mud-brick " ~-.GUfeB' which mark the' ex.trem,c' "J~idt of the city. They must have been built by

S'· ._ , .' .' 11'" .1 ~ , " d; I '... h -. ~ _. 1",,' -'- how 1 "

om,e, ',001 lo,r. 813" man neaven A'OOWS L_'ow . long'

ago. Whcll I shut my eyes, not only can I see ncry d~etail of their structure but I seem 'to feci the weight .of them pl'eSSing on JtJy shoulders. They are the sort of houses which one finds depicted only on the covers of ancient pep-cases .

'- b '. d .' 11 ... 1....: d' .'

;:~' am ot uige .'~ .. ~ to set a_~~ UDS, ';'~' own on paper 'ID

order to dise'ntang'·.·'I;.' the various th read s O""£IL,: ~Iy":'

_ ••• _ <,,"_. '_'_' ,--1._' ~ "~' _.,,' ~¥' _, _._ .,' __ .. I I. _.._ ••••.. _) _.' _ ".&"

story. lam ·obliged to explain it a] for the benefit

,nf" . '" . h 'dl . _ ',' the'~' ~ 'Jill

",;; ,my, s.a·:t[,o[w· •. r O'~D' ,i-.·. ,'.". w'·,·.-a:: 1 .

-. - -''-,' [.'; '.~ _" •••. . ~I . - ~. -.- . • I~ .. '~'!lil

.II

IN this mean world. 0 . wretchedness and misery I thought that for once 'a, r,ay of sunlight had broken upon 'm,y life. Alas,:, it was not :iunlight" b'ut apassing ,gle am, 'I a, falling star, w:hi[ch~ flashed U:POID: DIe" in the' fo,rm 0'£ a woman'-o[p of an aagel, In its[ light in the CQu'rI1e: 0:(' a second, of a, eingle moment, I beheld all (he wretchedness lo:f ~,y; ~exis'teJlc,e and apprehended the glory and splendour o,f the star, After, tha t brightnessdisappeared again In the whirlpool of darkness in which it was bound inevltably' t-o Elisappea,r,. 'I was unable t\OI retain that passing' gleam,

It is, t tree lR[OIDth's.~n'o[, it is two months and, four ,d,a:y:s,--:-st.nce I lost her from sight but the memory ot those magic eyes, of the fatal radiance of those eyes has remained iwidt me at all times, How can, ,I forg'et her, who is SOl intimately bound up , .. ~;,J:th·, .. · m·,·· ry-: o' "[W"'~ ·n··, e-·X]'· .. ··s·:··t· 'e"· '''n~''Ae'~

_' _. ft'iI .. ·~, ~_' ...... :....' _." I "_."" : .• ! ... ."" I' ,,,,,"-.: iii

. No, I shall never otter' her .name. For now, w'ith her slender" ethereal, misty form, 'her great, sh 'l~nl!l!i'Dg" wenderinz e "a- ., the d epth I~I' 0-'£":" w-" hich .

;.~:;. ,;';:.,.;,.V,."tI;,· ,>.I ,t" ,ey~~, I'D, .: I:'''~ :::'.eU : ,.; ,.,1; '.,.::'.,.'_,[ .. ';_,

my ife has slowly and painfully burned, and melted away, she 0 longer belongs to this mean,

4

,

.

me in a remote, comical way~'~' like a refl e ctio n I'! 'D'- a

, -. _. ,- " .... - '_ ._ '. '. ~L~.L..· '.' _' .

distorting mirror. I bad .alway,·,csr n'ictured m';-Y:7'

, .. ',' '". "'-, .. " '-', " . '.' •• - ' ~.-' .. ' .... : .. :"< "", " :":,-" ro"" ':~"'. ,'~.-', "-', ,_:'.

father SQmetblD~,,' It,k,e: thll'~1 iO:O enterme the room

he. walker- stra~l\t across t'>n ,t::h' re :A,pL~'p~~;t' p: 'i:·~a··','111

,," ,_ ' . ..' ,~, " '. - .. ' ~,e!' - ., .', ','_, /," .. ';V ',' .',' U~_., .U-~\I," i~ "i ',' l, 'y

>B1'Do d Glf1'"U"~ t +iit:lid·-· 0'-' -'. th 'e 8,'" I,MO'" 'I,t·-··· , ,- ~.,' , ed ~t-· .:-," i ". "I' hz , '-

'Q. '_ ~" 1 _A. ,~L:_, "n .I "" ' 1 lV' r j I" occu,rre. 'I.e me '. ".,a,t

I 00, --t.· tOI ,offer hl'~'m' ;'1'( ~"""m''';'' r-~pif~~~'~b:'·,'1t"Ii1j,a~n.; ,to I"'n'" h'O"'DO':"U' '!I't

• • t_ ,".. _ '_ • _ --=..1 _', ~ " , .-'.':_ ... ',.' au ... ~ ~l-l,)~.,. 'J' 'aI..11!.~1 I ._":_.r :___ __ ._' I •. I ... '_ ,',' ~.' ," . _ I.,

of bi~1 arriv-l I lit the l\il":li"m~' "P~I' and 'l:.lif;D:t"t'· into th ~

", __ :. __ '_._ -. ,_. ,"_ . I • '.~. A '~I . _-. ) .• _ :_ "_'~Ii" ; •. :0 '_,_ Qi __ '_:, .... ~~~~~ J ,_c<&~ ... ~ ~." .~ ...

Ii~~~e' da'tk elose et whi ~,L 0'-' p" ens o"~ mv room - 'I'

r ilLJ,.. . ,~~.'--_ _ ~I._: __ '_, ,_~ [;,(1, ",:' ~ I ,~.<,n "'_111 \\:,:flVi' ,I I,., '_

L, d '_, he, L, r- fj--:' ~ •

searene '. e~'~ry comer m 'tl ae nope 0: '1~lnulllg some-

thi'ft"g suitable to roffer hi:m". _Ithough I' k,ft,e'w there' was ,n,othi-A,~ of the sort in the house- I had no

,D . ~

oJiium or drink left. Suddenly my eye liglhtttd on

the t~pmost or'tb,e' shelves on' the wall.. It 'was as

",L L'I-'h- d had Q L e: · ,iii 0" -

Lll,(j'Qlll ,,'. ",a,;, ,I:'&:"'!, a 1,lal~1 01 lns,p,ir,at110ftit,,!~··n the'

·-·bl_. '~Ir' . ,.,' ·d - \..:.: .. , -~1·. "f' "ll_.ll . ~~, .. :L.~' zh h ,'. d- be. - ,

1:: e ,', ;S'''~'' a uot,tI,e 0: DIU wme Wlt.IC' ~.' .. 8' _ neen

left me ~bly Ift,y parea 'b. I seem to remember

h- ,Ii< ;;Ii.,L - '. - had L._ I 'Ii~ d '-,

.. ea'f,I.D,I'UJat It tUl~,' DEeD l,aJ'iI~j_OWR on the oeca-

d'OD o· 'f mv' b'irth There li1!,t'" ''IIj;:r,Q(r~ on '~'~,- top 'Obi -e1'llf

"', ~':_,' ',__:, ,.'IJo~, ,'C __ '. A1'L'_'""" ~ __ ",y:u~ ~L; "U:""""~,,' ~ .. ' ~ .. '.' IL.

I had never so much as given ita thought and had quite' torgo,tteD. there was such a thing in. the hOuse. To reach the shelf I got up onto a ItoO! 'wlU,dh happened to be there, As I:' reaehe d

, _, ". I ~.. .. ". . • ..... ,... ,iI, ""'c:&~. . ., ,. _:

to·wards,. th~ bcttle, I chanced to look out through

.;Ii} .... , ""1 ~"II' h···l b' L, helf 0 - -

IU~le ve~ltt"aall!Jlb-"Olle' aoeve ~t.ie I, :-:r:I,~, ....•.. ' D the: open

gro --"'u'ft-d::: outs ,"'d'liIA mv ;p,n::', ·····1 1 "'a"';:-':-' be ·t· '''-1-:0' " .",

' .. , •. "~ , c, I, ~,~, ~ ... ,y... &.vDID ~ I,·; ',:. W·" a··. L ".ani,. 0, . -I man

• ,. - ,~- ",.': ~:Li' - ~ ','. f" . ,'" '.. ..... --~::L' -,.:_' "~, IA~,~

Slt,tiD,1 at tne ',:001 or a eypress tree 'WINI a. 'yeung'

iii ')1 ,AI .c 'h . -,-

p'l ~no" B'D laR~m "mID: _ If!1eaven___. •. tan,din:g' beCOf~e:

'h- JI S' -'L . 1 • l!l,,' d d Ii, -b- L,' • b'

nm .• r:''''ilt,16'· was ~,eamng IOirwaz::,~ ,a'JII.=_, W:].t'JI ner ri~g"t:

hand 'was o'tren'n,,,; him a blue flo<wer of m0Fnin,a' -)o:,rv . 'T\<e.-, . 0' '"ld··.·-~-ma···"an·;··· - . :W.",Ia'b';l'l-t'--l'ln• .•. ~. ··~L~ 11, ~I;I·· .,~~ ~L:

at '~'l/lj .1..1&. .1 . ..... . .... ~--." ~ IU'I~ ',A\;,I., UI,u:te

,.~~" ~ ,fi' ,. Co" ·-~:"bi·" 1- .... 4 L, . d" -

,IIIU.'CX ,11.Dpr ~Os ,.·'1 ,llg" nann,

Thl . iii I d ill '1'1 Ii· b b

_ ne p,r', was'='_'I_f1eCIJly IOppusite' me ,~I'ut II :,I,C.

8

.

apart from ordiaary mankind. Her beauty was extraordinary, She remind1ed' me g,f a v isioD, seen in. an opium, sl,eep~, She aroused ill, me' a, heat '0'£ passion lik.e that w',hi'cb is, kindled by the mandrake root. It seemed to me as I gazed at her IODg, slender £o,r'm" with its barmonieus lines .(J,f shoulder, arms, breasts, waist, buttocks and legal, that she had been tom from h ,e;,'I1' hu '~;b'-:-'iil!l·n-·d'--;;'I'Q

IL· IUI'-. .'" 'IU, I,QU, _ ~u' , ' 'L'.,.,,",_I, Il·.·:J,,1l1. I, ~,ar , ,I, ,a '_:.-'~'.' ~

embrace, that she 'was like the female man,dr;ake w:hi,cb has been plucked :ftom the arms ,of its mate;

! - - _ ..

S>:~e,': 'W·'·'--;~I~ wea rinea b ,,'AI·~!!IlPk:··' plea t_'-~,e-,,)..JI d ress w,-:·;L'tl~'1L ,_,Iii -.' - "-~ .- b. . .,tli .... . ." .. _~ . _:."."" .___ a '''''''11:1'· ·I'I.I.~II

1- '!Ii b' I h bod ~!., b 'I'

e ung tjg' rt "f t,o' t er I.ICI~ y~, y,azlng at _Ier'" '_ was

certain th at she wis hed to leap 'a-'~'-r:AI'IE:!I' ,~LA stream ~~L~"' I,"! Q ~t '_ G~._ ,~,c. 'u" I ~;-= .Jl~:Q,1 :< '~I; '~ .:~ U1~' Q ~ . '\:.o'C;C , ~ ,

whicb separated her fro:m the old man but that she 'was unable to do :10. All at once' the old :1,D,an burst into laughter. It was a hollow, gmting laugh, of a quality to make the hairs of one's body stand OR end; a harsh, sinister, mooking laugh.

AUld y_.~tl' 1'"~~ '~p··:>·rA~.i:i!'S'jl·.liI!'D-'·-D- lo·,·r·' h I'~C! .t'n~rp did D'-'":O·;;t' eha n g .• ,.~,

, ~ I • • ~l .• Ull~' ~..l'k,._ ~ ,~_, _ .. ~~, "', ~. ,'"l I a l~&'ki~ . '_ :." .~ .,'. "," W·,l,.~ ~ ._, .. _ .~,~

l~' <:___: .. _"'

It W8,S as 'thoug:h', the la'tlgh'ter' was le(!h;9ing front

so mewh ere deen " .... ll'l .. h·,·,I('~ his t, ...... d··';·y····'·c

i;1 ... ~ . ~ __' __ :~, _' o~ D,,,,,". r'YI" . l; I I" .1.11 '!~ ,LItJ . _ C.I ,j;

In 'tenor I ,SI(Jfoan,g' down from the stool with the bottle: in li1fY hand, I W,IlS tf'e'mblin,g" 'in a state of 'ID! ..... ,1!:'n'··lrlet.:,_,J~ ho rror a nd ,d' IA)-iIi! .h-·,t·- such QJ~ ~1'lig"'-h:' t have

-- ~- '~!__:~I, ,.' -,',g, ',' '~.'. I! ... ' "- _ '.' ~.I;.oo b' - ': ~ . - ,'~ 'I,;:I,.~' .lLJi! _,'. .". '; ,,_ . '. I' '\.;

bee "U- 'p' ~'O"'" du . ced I b--;'·IY·1. so 'M" A, d· e - -II· eiou ~[~ fea r-Cu2,,--- '1'- drea 'm-"--

""""I, " . ·,f.-, .. - ' ......... " , ,_:_, .. ' I@'_ ,..'_' ...... '.' ,'··.,~Il~,'·i.::IIl" I~_ J"ill, .,." '., .• '

,[ set the bottle IOC' win~e ,do'w,n on the ftoor and held my bead in. my hands. How manyminutes, :how many b,E)!urs ,I' .remaiaed thus; 'I QO' Dot kno'w'.

When I came to mYle,lf I: pieked 'up tIt'e bottle and, went, back in,'tio Dly room, My'u'D,cle had gone and had 'I!·ft~'- th \ e room doe or a ,«QI-P' ';1:1 like t· ,-:h·-Ie m - .-: 0: '0" th ,0;;0("'-' a

- -}~_~.~.~~. ,.:......:.~,~~. . . -_ .. ~' &/ ... ~ 1 '_._.' ..: •••••• _. , - -![O!~ ~ ... b . : .. '~, . .. .:....." ~--.- .. - .. . ... -.-::. _:-~'

'.~. .. I

dead rna n Th e C!:O"-:- 'UI "'rDI d,~' nfi,' the old I m ~ ans h~·occ.1I'IO·'·W-'···-·'

I __ '~~ .. ' . ..:._ &.,._..: '!I!' I., .... ' '-'-~. ~~~.-. • .._.:. I r- ~~ v~· I:.' _. ,:7- •• ,." '_ I [~ ~I '-)" "~II.I, _ ..... _._.

fa ughter 'Wall I,till ,ech,o,i:ng ill 'my ears,

It was gpo',wing dark. The lamp was, 'burning smokily .. I···· d,ulc1 st"il feel the . af\~rmath· octile

delicious, ,bQ,rrible. fit. uf trem bli~ng 'w'hicn, 'I' had experienced. From that moment the course of m'y ·Iife had changed. With one glance that angel ,oC- heaven, that ethereal girl, hl;s,a 1c,£t on DlIC tille'

:iDlprin:t or her being, marie: de~ply marked than the mind of man can conceive,

,A't that moment I, - w:as In a state of trance. It seemed 't,o, me that, J had . long' known, her name. The ,r,a.d.iance: ,o,f her' eyes, 'ber complexion, her

perfume, her ~oyements, .all _ppea~e~ fam.ili~r tQ me, as though, ID sOlDe: ,p'f,e'YIO'UB, lexistencle I'D a

world ofdreams, my soul had lived side 'by side wlth hers, had sprung troM the same root and the same stoek and it was inevitab,le that 'we: should be brou_ght together again. It was inevib\l.ble that .I ShO'Uld, be close tOI ,her :in this life·~, A,t, DO time did I desire to' touch her. The in'vi.m,blle ray& which emanated from ourbodies and 'mingled. tio,gether were sU'fti1cie'Dt, £olltact. ~I Cor the strange' fact

- :L. d ~ "I' .. l: th Ir to

that sne a,p:pe'are·, l~aRU'_Ja'r to me trom: '._:~, i '. e '~:rsci~'

glance; do BQt levers alwa.ys experience the feeling that they have seen. each other before and that a - . -- teriou Left' 'd',-I h ',-'.- '1' '--'g- .. -,. '''t\pd b etween th -m-··· ,

'mys !erlOUl, QUiD':, _.laS ~on)':' e.8Js.~':.' _i.~I ... ~_'.·,,",~I ..• _--:_~' ,. "~

- 'I th-· JI; tb '" Id h" h I

Th,e O'D_'y' • ':x~lAg lD~:- U me_fl 'w,or! I. ", 'w~,_le I', .,

desired wa's, her lov'e; :if"that were den'led me I 'wan"t,· ed the .Io:ve 10i( :uQbody'. 'Was, it p;ossibl,c that anyene

other than she should make any impressiolo UPO'R ~y heart? But the hollow grating-la~ghter" tbe

II

10

,sini:s:ter' laughter ~o·f'·the old man had breken 'the bond which united UJ~,

AII)I- 'h- .. ~ '~'ht- I' t,Ch-' ., ht b-' ' ;iii;,L - &.'L.~

__ . t'l,at ml.g:.,.l' .. '. jO"U,g- at al~.-o:utIU:le,e. :tJ]I1U,p ..

. Aga·i:n and again I was 011 the:' point of goin.g to look ·tIt·rough the' aperture In the w;all, but fear of the eld man's la.u,gbtcr held. me back, The n€lf't day ,a'ls,o I could think, of n:othi~g else, Wo'uld .1 be: able to refrai'J1 altO;iethler; 'ftom going' to look at ker? .F-:inally 011. the 'r' ird da;y I decided, despite the dread w.hich. possessed me, 10, put the bottle

of .. ,,,-'~ -.~ t:Ii' b ·'a·.,··t:""".'··~k': l'!'-nl·· its pl ace. B-<u· t'; (II"li .. rhen I ,;~.' rew t he

w" WI.D."" ,~._.b ,.:' _#"11. , ·QI~ ___:Q. _.:: ~ ,0. -Y¥~---'r- -,_._c . 'Cil, ew .. ', Ie

curtain aside and c lo-oked in to the closet I saw in

-.

ftont o,f me' a wall as bla:,nk and dark as the dark-

ness which has enshrouded m'y li~fe·. 'There was no trace of aperture IO~ wind~Qw. 'The rectangular 0P' '_n';:n'i£r b':: i"li· . ...J1 ~~-,a~H, filled I~lril ha 'd<1 m-,,---;-,p'~"'~\d'~" 'w;lt"hl-:' th ....

1~.tl:~I&_·!IJIl' II. ".0 ., AltllUOlltiii;,l,l: .' ,I ':__;,,:' ·,-,'1;:1),' ... " 1'·'''"''~'l!Jti,:··. '. 'J1-< .1, :' I, ,"'",

wall, as thlough it: had never existed. .I stood upon the: stool but, alth'fJi-ugh I, hammered '0'0, the wall w.f.th, ·my filts, li~s:teniDg inten,tly" althou.g,h, I held 'the lamp to 'it and lexa:min,'eid :i t with care, t~hef.e: , . ,':'~;~, not the :&li\g·.·.b·~st. trace of an-y' ape .• ,\rt~l-r~, .M.:.~·.~

wa~ lIu UI. ~_. t.;,~", - - -- ... - u--,._,~ . , y

blow,s had no more effect upon the solid, massive fabric 10:£ the 'ytall. than if' it. had been a :sin.gle· slab of' lead, ~-

Gould I abandon the hope of ever ,seeing her ,again? It was not within ,my power 1'0' do SGl~ H'eneeforth I I·iv,ed like 8, soul in· toement, AII'my w.ai tin_g' " watching and' ,seekin;g wlere in v,ain .. , I trod, every ha{nld"'$-,b,r~ead~h, of ground in ehe ncighbou'rhIOQ_d. o,f :my house. ,I 'was, like the murderer who 'retuI:JJI, to the scene of his crime'.

. . .

NOlt one day, .n,ut two days, but ev-ery ,d,ay for

'19

,Eve'f since ·1 had lest her, ever since the aperture had been blocked and I had been separat Ad" .er:o«m-······, her ~'y'" a h e",QiV"V 1:·;"a··')'1· a,' dH~la-"n'k'

'_':..:.;_:~&,,_~,,~~.,Il.:.." _ ~_,I U,o' "', ,,1."""'111,1' "'JlI~' " ' .. ~!_<,,: _ _:"

barrier [a's massive as, a wall oflead, I '-it that

. • - .. . • _.. - - - - _ r' • • - . '," " .. , . , ;e _ . ,,~ _ a _

m-"y- -¥'';:'I!·:an~~e' had become pointless tb'i"iIo· 'J' h -d"j

I ~ '! .. "', ~JLG·I.I !~J ~.'. ,- ~'.~ .·.·.l .... '~.:~.: :~~, ,,- -: I, .·:.UJ.~ . '.", ': -;,~ ~'. I. I I ,A.J.. :- I~I ... : I

- - -, . - ,_ - _. .. - -- _ - -'"", - . , . . .,' . . , , -- '- - ~ ,

loSt my way· {or aU time to come. Eve n theugh.

the caress ofher gaze and the ptofound d.elight I had experienced in seeing~ her had been ,0'Dly' mo,m,en,tary and devoid 10i£' rleci,pr:ocity, ............ ror' she

had net seen Jne\~yet I felt the Deed of those eyes,

O I ~. h Id h b m' •

_,D,C' I-ance I,~o\m ner WO'D 'i'~' nave neen su'iilcleo:t.

to make ,plain all the problems of p,bi.losLopb" 811,d the riddles of theology. One glance frem .her and mysteries and secrets 'woum,d~ '0:0' longer have existed, (o',r' me,

-;> - -,-- -,- -.-

Fm,m this time ,on I increased my doses ,of'

-WI-' ,--~ ... , and op '1'~I~lIm:'=-' but alas ,tho A1:!I'. rem ed i.al nr'~

.. ', .... ".,~ _:.:.._. 'u'l,_!, .~: .. , ,:"''':' .:,:' .4.,,_: I~W"~ ,_,.~._---,_, ... ~ .II;~ Vi,

d·' I!!. '1'1 ...... ·....:11 L d- al Ii' d

espasr :Ia:t':m to Ilom,,' ,an:'_, para :y,se 'IDY mmo,

'I was, unable to fOBget. IOn, the ,ceD,trar-y, ,d~ay 'by day, h:oor by hour" minute by minute, . the

RlID7m',;o=,ry'_ ~'f' her, ef her b~·~~'..l,y,,·, of her face ,t_r"o,:,o.-,~:"

__ ~_.., ~ .. __ ,,;,.. , v_ __ _uti,." _ .__ ~I_ ~" .A

sbape' .in, my mind more c;lie',arly than before,

H:ow' eo~l,d ,I have forgotten her "Pi Wh,e~the,r ~m'y eyes werriop,cn or closed, whether I ·slept or woke, she was alwa.ys; before me, Through the opening in, the, eloset 'wall, like the d?ark 'night which enshrouds the mind and reason ef' Dlan, throug:h the. rectangular aperture wh'ich Ieoked ,onto the outside world she was 'ever 'before my

1t:.y,e'I., ,

'1l,f:P08C was utt.erl'y denied me, How could I L,'""V··,,·',·:'e·.·.· 110'·:,-,'0". I'D'. I'~' repose p,

,I!,g& .._ '_.. .. II, "'"I,." '. 'W

had withi~ her fiomething that transcended humanity. When I looked at her face I experienced a 'kind of vertigo which made me ferget the faces of aU other pe~p~e. G~(~ing'-at h~,i'h~ga~

to tremble all over and my knees felt weak. 1ft the depths or her immens,e' eyes I beheld ill one moment all the wretchedness ef my life. Her eYC$ ~ere w~tand mining like two huge black diamonds suffused with tears. In her eyes, her black eyes, I found the everlasting nigbt of impenetrable aar,kness fQr which ,I' , had.·· been

leek ing' and I sank into the awful, enchanted bla(!k~ess of that abyss. It was as though 'She was d,raWIDg some ia,tlllty out of my beitlg. The ground rocked beneath :my· feet and! if I had fallen, Lsheuld have experienced an ineffable delight,

My heartstecd stlll, I held my breath. I was afraid that if I breathed she might disappear' <like

1 d k H" 'ii"ll .

ClO,U'·!, or ,sm,o,~:_e~ ,:-- er IJI1enoCie seemed som'e:thi'n,g

supernatural, It was as though a wall of crystal had risen between her ana me, and that ,second,

that hour or that eternity was suffocating me.

Her eyes, .. weary perhaps with looking upon' SOllie

supernatural ' .. ht hi h it .. ..:. '. tho

:~'u,,:'~,I:~I_r)M';b""~ia, ;Slg:,-.· _W~,_cl'C:~, .1'" IS ,n'of _gt,v'e:n, ~ Od~'_,!er

people to see, perhaps upon death its,elt:;, slowly closed. Her eyelids closed and I, reeling like a drowning man who after- frantic struggle and effort has reached the surface o:fthe-water, realised. that I was feverish and trembling and with the edge a,fmy sleeve wiped away the~weat th·,at was streamin g'.- from o1-'::'-'Y" forehead

_., ,j,. ' • '! ','" .';_ --'_ "_. l.il" . '_" . ",' 1'1.~." I IIeo., I,.,

Her faee preserved the same stillness, the same :18,

20

.' I., '. h-;111 d b d I d" d d I

spmt mto ner luea'.J..,~.'o,l"y. ,'-, unl" resseo ana 'Ia'y

do wn b esid A hei A'D{" the bed W' " e were lee ~k"'e-"d"

~ ,_", .'~: . : ',.:1 .. ~ll[~l . ,,1'~."·t ~ "", _:' I .• ~ ,:_, .~.' _.~.I . ..",I ",_".' •. -~ I...... . ,: . '"J . r ____:. ,

t,o'·I·lg:--p.,th·'-1 'e"': like ·h'·e', male and female of .. '· the m a-I'D"'-

, _ ,"'"' -', , ' ,,~'-I ~,-, ':_c."'.." ., , "_: Ie .1,.1,11., '_ ' '_: _ I • .) ,,;:, __ ~

drake, Her' 'body 'was like that of 'a female mandrake which had been torn apact from its, mate and she aroused the same burning passion as the' mandrake .. ,~'Ier' ' .. nouth was acrid, and

bitter and tasted like the stub-end of a cucumber . Her whole body was as cold. as hail. I felt that. the blood had ,froze'D in: my veins and that this cold pen etra ted, to the depths of ~m,y heart, All my e:flortsl 'wer-e useless, I' got, off th'e bed and put OlD m'y clothes, N[o" it was 810t an iliusinn, She had h· "b-Id d

alU come iere lDtOI my room, mto my I oee aOJ

• I .• __ _ '_ _~'. (_.. 'I .' ~ r ,I. 'i' - ,I' __ '. . ,,:'_ .,' _.,',.'. 1 I·.~

had surrendered her body to me, She had, given me her body and her soul,

So ·lol!ljg as she lived" ISO ,loDI as her eyes overflowed with: li'fe, -' had been tortured by' We mere memory of her eyes, NOIW, inanimate and still, cold" with her eyes, closed, she had surrendered herself to m[e'~with, her eyes closed.

T-- hi ,:",s,' I 'W" i a: ,'5:, she wh ["10····, h'·- a'; d - poisoned m ·~Iy:.:~\ W" h '. 10'" ··Iie: life

_ 1_ '_~. •• •• I -1111. . 'r~' _:' 'r:-'. - '~__ •• VI ~ :. ' .. ~., .1, ! l .' _l,~"~. l_'." , 1=1··-

, ,

from the moment that I nrst saw her-··un_ess .my

nature 'was such that fro;m, the 'beginnin,g it was destined. to be poisoned and any other mode: Qf ~'X' .istence w,-· as lim' rp-- essible for m 'e' N,;-- lo ""w< h iere I~·D

'-'_H "':' .. ~I[LJ· ':_, '~".'" -r Q,_ .... '_"': :'<:" '.' -::.Jt _'_ .. ~~ I,~v., _ ~ ',' .: ill :__:__ T ... , -" .. 'I l., ~l&' .'-)' [' _, '

'ro:y' 'r,oorp,she ,b,a.d ;yi,e'lded ta ~me herl body' ,and, beJ" ,shadolw ii,Her fra.gile, s&lo,rt~Iived spirit" which hlad :n[o ,affinity wi.th th~e: world oi'e,arthly Icre;atu,resl, had Isi-len,tl,y' d,e'parted, from u'nder 'th,e blacJc, pleate:d, 'dress" 'fr:o,m th,e body w:hic __ , had tor,me,oted i,t, and ,h,ad gOB,e ·wand,€'riD;lg. in, ,the' W'Olrlld of

'2.1

a sensation of peace 'took p·'-else, .S"~~II'I!!IO·'.'R" of:,,·-:-·j me As-' II'

-. __ _L___ . [~.- " " ". ". __ "._. ,_.,_.,,'.B'l_" ", < ~.:":":'.' _l"':_. '

"10' 0' .1l~[el-",d·-· upon those c ,I· '~·~·-'d·'l "C".,:."'-~: it ... '-;tII!j,a :- th ··'·-'--'-"·h':-·, ,-",,,'.I~,A;._' .. ',.,1", ""~~"'_'~' __ ,,~u., Ie yes, II was as 1,I'tOUg"

th de hjl'!J!I'hhd'b ... '

e aemon W, t,_J nao neen to:rtunll;g me, the.'

incubuswhieb had been oppressing my heart

· th ." .' ,-'. ,-,,, . .

wit Its iron paw, had fallen asleep fo~ a while. ,I

br;olu,gbt 111Y' chair to' the side olf the bed and :gazled fixedly at: her faee, 'Wbat a childlike face,

... ' II 'W':' "h- 'Id) ....'

It 'waSJ1l,: rat an unw:Qr,:, Y' expression it werel

W" '''t' ,,- " .. " ib II .. ,IL,·- .'L,· ". th '. ,II 1-' tb' II!

as 1;,:, ,p'OiSSI1:, .. ~,[e' 1Ullat lUllS WQ'm;aD, ·1 ns gsr or I_~_',il_

angel €I" hell (for I did 0,01( know by 'what name' toeall her], was it possible that she should possess this double D:ature' -? She' was' so peaceful so'

,Ii d • unconstrained ,j

I could now feel the warmth of her bedy and

.'-,' ",". '-'-11- th od '-,' ',- 0 "f"" d'" .'," ,-",~ ,- ",c·.",- tha L -.,.' ". ,e-" ". her

sme 1,_- ie oaour 0 ~.' ampness ... I.a,t rose .Irom, ~I~ er

b k h "C\"

.. ac "':, neavy tresses, £~·or some ,lleasoD 'unknown

to me: I raised my ·tr~'m,b,ling' ,ban,d~my hand was nor. under my control-and laid it upon a strand of her hair, that.~ock which alwafS·~lung

to h er tern 'p e T'h,I,D,O···· I "'::L'r~""I:!IIS~"iti' J-,- -" .. ' fi'~- ,c "'~'I :-, .:. to h .,-",

._. -~<'~~.' -'-'- -,r"""~' ,I",~ .. , ,_, U!'_' __ " m,y :,ngers ,ID,~O .,er

hs 'j, . j 'It,·, "C"'.', '-.' ,-..;:J, rd d[ ,,,,:,.- , .. , C''- , 'I-'d'[ ... , '1[' - '-(d'

'. aIr Ii "I.:. was [cO"U lan,,~._, •. ,,8,mp. ._ O~ .. ', utteriy ICO, "~ .'

It was as though she bad been dead, fOlr several

da ·'-:-.-7'i(! 'I[ C':, ".-: r,' not ,", ii* 11""_.,, S: "hi. ,,'1 '".', 'I') de id 'I

- ,:. ... yl~I'.. l__ w,a;s, ,0[0.. mls~~aAen. I.:=',_):c was .. ~ .. Iea· "'~ ,~,

in .. -", ·t" ed ,!~" 'hi '.' . id '~" ,t·,.' th "-,, ,',' £" '.' " .. ' ··,fl"" L,,_·, d -- "- . ,. - A 1--, ser te my nam I I,Q .. _,,~ me trent '01', ner 1,[, ress ana

'1-',1 id '·'t' ,,' '. ,~,;-, h ,-,-, b ,': .. :-, , .. t "L_ .. : ,.~. '. -'L.,- ~. I ,-' T' h - .'-, 0' , !al ., I" D"POIU '. ,e:r I.' ·,reas., ,~,wuve tl'le neart. , ... ' ere

h t"!- .. b I' k ·

was DO! t te faintest ]; eat, ' , too, a mirror and

~. Id I. 'L~' h- -Is· . ",-

.lIe:, ,'~I_ 1ft IOelOlre 'er n,ostr. i.~" but :OiO trace .Iof life

iii, -.. h

reDlaJD,ed In l~ er ii'

I, . ,J... .- 'ht' 1. -' I - '. h I b- Ll' . h-I

-, t"iJ,OUg~;.:_[' tll:lat ,. mlgil:;·1 ,~,e' ·a,t; e 't[o w,arDll ,'[er

with th.e heat of my' Qlwn bodYit to give mY'W'afmth to her and to receive in exchange the coldness olf dleath··· p.:erhan~ in this way~·- I c-"o,uld infuse 'my"

- -' ", '-"'-'" " _;, ':__" "-',r- .'~" '-'':'__''''" ~""""',.,"- . ",',','" ',' "'_._',','.""-' ---'.>:

together and fused ~1'l the life of my mind.

At such times as this every man takes refuge in some firm y established habit, in his own particular passion. The drunkard stupefies himself with drink. the writer writes, the sculptor attacks the stone, Each relieves his mind of the burden by recourse to his own' stimulant and it is at. such times as this, that the real artist is capable of producing a masterpiece. But I, Hst-

" ess an d [ LI~il'p-- ·1-s··,,8····· i~S" I' wa '~s - I the deeorator of p~ien~

..... iJI. • b,h 1~1'\.o;1 ','\";;" . A" "'. ' '. ')'1 ., " i . ~' . ',," .. . ." ~- .

case covers what could I do j)' What means h.ad I ~f:' ~~~tin~ a JDas~rpiocewhen 'ail that .: ~d

k 'li-·r_, 1 sh·-·' 1 ...... 1 .... t - h r'-

rna e 'were my' _:,.Ie_ eSB" :'_,~_J'lly ,ltlUC P1C:. '::UJjCS, eacn "i .

them 'identicalwitb all the rest? And yet in my whole being r. felt an over owing enthusiasm, an iBdes .. cribable warmth of inspiration. I desired to record on. paper fhose eyes which had closed for ever; I would keep the picture by me always~ The foreeof this desire compelled me to translate it into' a6'00·0,. I 'could not resist the :iJl'lpui;slloln. How could I have resisted it, I, an artilt shut up in a room with a dead body? The thought a~~ed i~ m~ a pecu~r ,S;llsatio~ of deligbt.'· .

I extinguished the smoky lamp, brought a pair of c~dl~, lightedthe;~d ~tthemabove 'her head. In the flickering candle-light her face was still more tranquil than before; in the half-dark .0£ the room it wore an expression of mystery and immateriality. I fetched paper and the other things necessary for my task and took up. my position. beside her bed ~for benceforth the bed was hers. My intention was to' portr,ay at toy

B·G f.IiIj~1

shadows and, ,I Ce·I!, as: 'though it had taken m,y spirit with it. But her body was lying" there, inanimate and ati'l Her softo relaxed muscles

~~ -~ _ __ ., ~' _ ~. _ _'~', • .._ ' .,- -' ' •. I ," , ':_',' c • • " ~ ~ ',,'- ,

her veins an.d SInews, and bones were awaiting

burial, a dainty meal for the wo~rns and rats Of the grave. In this threadbare, wretched, cheerless room wh'iCh'itse,lf"w,as[ like' a tomb, in the darkness

~r d~"h~erl~~~ ~ightw~~h~~ envel!ped me ani , w.J~lc.h: had penetrated the very' fablle, lof the:

'walls" I had. 'before "me a long, dark, cold endless Dight in the company. ofa corpse, oCher corpse. I felt that ever since 'tbe 'world had. 'been the' world" so long as I had lived, a corpse, cold, inanimate . and still, had been with, me in a da:r'k FOO'ID.,

,At that mement DIy thoughts were numbed ..

Within me I felt a new and singular form of life. M:,' being was someh.D'w' connected ,with tblat of[

aU the creatures that existed about me", with all the shadows ·that, q"uivered around me, I was in intimate inviol ab ')1 :e" comm '. U-"'-D-'~ ion WI' .~Jf. .. :L< .. :L. O""U' ts Id e

_ . _ _ .. ' . " ' .• ,Ii:' ,._ ... , '_"";1.&1..',. ' .. :___.> _._ .. ·,P.1U111!.i ... ' ... '. ,. i,l .,'".

world .and 'with, all created things" and a CQ:D1,plex system of invisible 'conductors transmitted a restless Bow of' impulses between ID,e ,and all the elements of nature, There was no coaception, DO[ noti:oft 'whi,ch I' felt te, be' for,eign 'to me .. - I' was capable of penetrating wi.tIt ease the secrets of the painters of the past, the m)'$.teries of abstruse

hil hi 'b II r.: ,_. rt! - ,

,~ __ ,OIOpl i! 'Ies,'" t ~.e ancient iOtly' 0'" ideas and species,

At that moment I participated in the.revolutions

f arth d h I,' th liI!'.' f' ,-

[01 ~ar I_:_ [_:n, __ .. ~ea,ve'n" In 'I I' e gernnnanon Or f plants

d '. th .. - !iii, ti[ r-' iii

an _. In. Lie instinctive movements OJ" a:Dlmals,,~

P:ast: and future, far and near bad joined

'22

,n'5---

~I

\ '".

moment .8; cock crowed somewhere iu the dista mee

Ji."t -', .I&~ ,'til'

What was 'I 'to do with, the: body, a, body which, had alre.:a,dy 'helgu» to decompose? At first I' 'th,(Jog'ht 10£' burying it in my FOO,:m" then ,o,f'talii'D,g .it 1a',w,ay and thro'wi~g :it, down some well sur-, rounded by '8o,wers of 'blue morning glo"ry ~ Bfut how muchtbougbt" bow much effort and ,dex:t"eri.ty 'wou~d be necessary :in order to do 'these things. 'witlto,,"t a!,tracJti'Dg ,a'ttenn,C)'D! And then, !I did D.ot. want tilt eye of an.y strang,er to fall upon ,bCF_ I, had· to do ,every'thiDg "alone and unaided, lYot that I, 'matt'eEed,~ What poiat was thete 'to :my existeDce RO'W' that she had ,gone? But sh,e'~~,

. d'-

'De¥e~r) never 'must a'ny O:f~~~,tnlary p~.r;llQD., anyone

but me, look upon her dead bedy. She had come to my room .afttl had surrendered: her cold bGdy and her sioa,d,ow to :Rlt in erder 'that ,0.0 one else

ihoo'lild see her in, order tha t, she sb'ould, not, be' defiled bly' a stranger's, glance, F'inally ,an Idea came to .me.1 would cut up her body, pack i.t in a suitease, :m'l' old isui,tease" take it a,wa',y' with :me tQ some: plaGcfar, very far from p,eople'I~, and 'b'u'r.y it there,

This 'fi:m"e I did not ,hesitate. I, took a beneL)a'_'i'~ dled l111i·~:'~e·'···· '·~"-"a',"'\t'-, I' kept I·D-·· ~LI.: ~l~I!,-,4; beside m.~ 1,1 D.I,Co;·lUUI~-, 1.11 __ ".~". __ ' :., ~U~l~ \i.LUO~": LIC_.'U~ "

r-~m- ·~~""',d,'·- L .... ,._ •.. '; U·." b .~.y~-' cu '~~'~'a' ep ... en 'liM'th,--' -. Dt"1e-:8,:t., care

"'" . ; , ...... -' JD~ . - --' , '.. ~- -,1!,1¥1'La, . , ,- ~""""'-- ,m,~,; - - -

," ,- ('I 'ft"" 'b"l ck .. ' "It 1'- 'hi I .' 'h'-" th , __ A

the ,d.~"'P.~"'~I, 0:· ~'~'nl~'~ i:.8··'-0-), materia ',. 'W,i'CC·~"-, C!:w,a~,:·.··',lcu

I'llii .&I.~a" .. i ~!~ .. 1 .. '~ ~.. . ~. t ,~~&, . ~ . __ - ~__ liD - - r·- _. ., -

her ,Uke a spider's web, It was~ the 0:,011" coverin,g. she WOEe~ Ion hen body',., ~Sh';G seemed to have grown a little': her body ap,peared Co: be IOllger dian it

b d L_ .. Ii·~ -rrL.' 'I d L': h' d n

. a,_,_ ueen III "-"le~ -~,-,II'e.n ,- - severe--_ tiLe "C'Il':= .• ' ~ro,ps

27

He roared with laughter, so that his shoulders shook. I pointed in the dirootion of my house but he said... before I had a chalice' to utter a word, . 'T- :-h-·,~t~'[--;-I a: 1'1 n'" ""g··h·t. '1 knew where you live ,1:")

___::, .:_.a,~.. S" - . -. c-,,'-:' ",.;i;'_ , , -" .. . __ " ., .'- .:' -.. _

be th iere r;-llg.~.~hc··t- ;8-:· j'-w~··· .. a 'y .. :.'-"

-~H' ".',·· .. t.-'~,··d·~" L'_. a·I,·-od'~· ·'1 ·w·:~':a--I!·'k-:-·e· :d: back to m .. y····'·-·· h r. IO··.·.u··~:,·,

e IS 00_· , up . ,D.-,·:::___ '" - _., ," --' ILl .. '- -~. . --, ... r~.

I went into my room and with difficulty got the

-." it --, '~j"-' - .. c'· ...... 'L. the d .~ ... - d bodv across ·0-;'1 tho .. C" doo ;'r-~

suitcase WIIU,I, I .. · •. e I,·ea,·~·~ _:."- y a·:_;.·····~, I~ .. / -_-'~ '_ ._; •

I . -I) . - 'd" .". - d "Ii!. ~ -.' the r u " .. - 't'e" :- tsid ,., th

',. ('" .. _- "".' ...•. ":, -, •. , ." '1,. . '1''''''- .'.~ '. ~.'1, ,R' . e;-.

_ 01.- se.rve:,. stan, .. lng lR I." t, e S ._,ree·, IOU.-:~&.· .~~~.,-,._;

door, a dilapidated old hearse to which ,!ere harnessed two black, skeleton thin horses. The b Id .' iI! t h" d -, - _.,. . t t· bent 0. __ . man was slttl:ng' ,on tne « .. 'fIV'Cf IS sea -. a I:

th -.c . .- f" .i-,L - h - -. -'. .... ·h·· ".'1- d .•. . -'. . . ·1···.. ...- - ." . ,- hi:, . '!' P': . ,. e tne .,J:ont IOIi_i, IUJC , ... cane, ~ ,0,: .. ID,g a ·.OI,D,g W.· III'·' - ,'-

did .... " .. ,. :' .. :-,- -.;. .' .:-. '1-:': ·k· ;--" ." diree tic .- :-W··~' .. ith a.:'1

_ 1,. net turn to' ,00', .I.n my .,'_lrec.-_.o~. .. - '.. '.

great effort I heaved the suitcase into the he~ie, where there was a sunken space designed to hold

th-'··· '- ... : m:-I -.: > .. ~ .' .. ,Et:A; .' -:- .r.' .' . ich I' ",- 'lll~i m" b· ed .A;ri 00' ~-', ··a:·: rd I .:; 'm-' - Y",:@!j,

_'_.e co .. Ds"all~;r W __ lC_[.~ !. Co .. , ··ul,I >:--·'--- .'

. . -' m •

self and lay down in the COllin-space, resting my

. aead ,a.g~-,ainst. the: ledee :80 as 'to be able to see out

as wedrovealotlg. i slid the suitcase onto my

ch -. .( ". -'d b "I-d"- .. ~-- 6'~ -'-. '1- ·,-~th· b .. · ···th":· 'h", . ds chest an '. ~~' Ie .. ' It. 'I·rm.y WI __ ,_ ._0·' :_ao, s",

Th . . . ·b·i,. . h ' •. - ':1" d .1..... ,- rh th -,- ,.. . .z , ,II' the h ·ce. _ ..•. , .-

. e w', ~lP W_;.J.8t ea iUJ.[O_g I~ .. LC air, r._;, e .: erses

set off, breathing hard, The vapQur could be seen througb the drizzling rain, ris.ing from the· r

,' ... :; ~'·_-c·l; t:i;k'·--:··· ,'" ,I'., .. , .... ,., · .. ··lfL -'."-""1 ... 1 ... - IT'h-' :-- -. roved '. ,l· ... '~·

nestrt [S I .. ·e a IJI.~a.fIl. 011- s.m,o.c[ .. c ~_ .. ,ey move· .. ~,~, w· .n-I

h,II .. ·h-I_. ~,~- ..... th -. . ...... ' .~ ... " T·h-· eir tho ::"1";0'-' lees, w···· h,~ph::;' m-~'" a· :d·:II-

'g 1.1., IDlOOII... paces.. ~. ~_ ,.,l.. c' '~ _ __c _'~~[Y." ,/'" ;J.,,",,'_ "_, .... ~.

me think of the arms of a thief whose fingers have been IC,g t. 9:ff' in accerdanoe 'with 'the law

. . , '1- d .. ' 'bc 'ilil['.' .,.]- d

and the stumps p,_,un;ge.'~_: ;Into' '-D'11IR,g 011':,1 rose an. '.

feU slowly and made no souad as they touched the ground. The bells around their necks played ~i stran .g:' '. tune 'J'I!!"o-'- the damp , air, ,.A. P'-I;:,ro[o,un,d

_ [",1 '~""' ... ' ~_ ':. ;'1~ -' ]'. .,' ... , ',' {.' _. --" ~ '-'Ii; -..... - _- - - _'_

'291

,sensa'tiQll, of cQ,mfor·t to whic,b :1 can alSip, no

", 1 -',' c - ""-,, trated '~~" ,c~, ,,-,::- he ead '",' £'J._", ~ .' -"d',' - h ,

eause penle:tra,~!_,_ me Jrn'm~.~J- an LO IOO~, ,an,12~' tne

, ,'- :i!lJli' ~ '- -~ -, .--:.' .' ~"f':-- t'- he h-, ea ;~'flfe' -, d,- ;d': ~ 'BI '0' 'It" I""·~'~ -,~,,-,; - t .'·',".i!"iirAl:li.IIC" r= ;~""

mO'wC,D1811[Eo O_,_::_,I,L , ,~_'~0', ",_ '''"'' , , ,--, mpar -, 1.1La~1 ID

~i!DI'n"y,"::' degree 'tiD my I,> bedy r All 'that I could ~""'~'I ·:·"~·S·""I

___ , '. ~", "_:""', '--, ,I _' c......', I ",'- _ .... we' _ ".",-.

the weight of the suitcase upon my chest. I felt

e e .... ··f',·-,tb:l, ... , ,·_-,:,---_·,;'h--"t- of ~-, dead ~-..J:. and .. :L.-, ... _"-,ft:.,

,al I.. _,. .. Ie wlel,g._, _: Wi, IlCr ' .. ' '.,.,. guuy an .. 1. iUle 0.0'1:11.0

.,-. ~"'~~I':"h, ~~t~' -l·~··· h ~ d I ~"I '~' II: ·t", 'I·, ~., 1-: -'. --::~ -,- :' ,. ,~;--;",-,

I.D, W,I:aC.:.... I}_: ay __ a '., 1,lor aJi nme aeen pressing

h-

- - I •..•. j-. . I ',,-" '1' ~.,: I' r _ "1- ~ ~L!C" .-1

upon my c est~

The eeu n't'ry--" on 1~'!.1II~"1 sid e oL·f·····~ th C"'- road "w"(:'a': ~

- ~~ ~:_:, - -- , ,,_:_, '_' ~"",'Li!,JlI ' -'. ,._: .... ., I.., Ii.' :::. A '_ .. ... ~tJ.

)' d iii d'- . 'i!!' -- w,- '--:iith" ;I;

enve ~IPI·t8i~- In ' .• ~nse-: rmst "-""1''--' " extra 'Q..,d,' I'ID' ,:& 'nT'

. - __ ... -' ,VI:-!~I__ . ,_,_, . '~_':__-' ,lIo'.l;D--.,!I! _' _,,_,_-' ..A.1Ll,,:__:,.iI.", ':;iI!,' Ci4¥.K',J'

,', -,-" ", '-d-'- and -:"""1""- "·th'_:·-,-",-,,, ,',:-, th .. , L ~--,--~,-'-, oassed bv h ~"II~'

speee anc smoo I~ mess . ne nearse pi4Sle,~, ·'f· I,. It

1_- ,,-J " . . d" ,- nd '"' •.. ,....- ,_..:I .' _. , '----- - A - i!!i'.. '- - '1- "

__ ,evel grOUD.· .. , an.:i, SiUea.ms, all,Y ,a, ne'w ,ao,U, Illngu .ar

.~I '-:;-'.- dsc ~ np -'£-Id'~ .... d ~_D_,-,. - - .' . -; .... '" . L· -; ~ -I' L~ . d'" wan,:.,Q:ca,_" UD,Q.-.le.,I. ,~lOre me, one !,UC:j;1 as . Illa~_

1!'~ -. 1'_,~ n_ h-' id f'

'Dever' seen,: Jlleeplrng or WilJQo_g',. IVII eaer st,"~_;' ~~ Q'-

the road was a lineef hills standing quite -cIGar

',-·c" ,."" ',,' - ,'" - eh '.--: "- A:"" t, t'- b' - r. ot c" th '- ." h ,~11-1' L. - , - - --,

Ou_ one an(JI-,I, cr"'l " ._.', __ ", e~ lieo·" 011 .:~' ,e _,~_tJllS, (I;tere were

num ab 'e~ of f'W\~I~~~1 crouching a ceurse d-II ·t",P'P."-'

1.,[", .. 1_ ., -~,a, v' "'''',ll'II,:, < ~._,}u;1 ~Ul :; l_r,~:~_, _1,-"" '.I,<O?,~J, [,,:,I~~I,

'b hi .-;L L:'~ Ii! h- f'- -

, ;-ct.w,een WI-l'ClI, one c~aug'I,lJt Sl"g~ "t 011 r' ,ash~,grey

houses sba'ned like' p-vrantids, cubes and;' 'p~ri';m:-'s-'

::1 .' - ,'.- -. " .. 'r . .:_ .... '._: '_ __:_r·._.' . f' , '_' .~ ..... 'J',. to'_,1 -,_' ," ' .. ' 0:; •••••• ' '_.":,' ,I.:... . ~ ~"._,. '.' "~I"

, ", ith 10" "" - da , __ ~f .. , " ,- c-.~, d ," ,'-, ~ ,-,0 ithc :-I-'t" -,' ," - '- . IT' -, h ,- ,,',

WI-I, I,~W " ar:JII._, " W1D<OWS WI~-,OU' I, ,palles~ , 1[' ,e

U"lldl [0' ws- - - ~ - - 'l-IiiI'k-' " t- -bl, ,,·1d - - r f' , ..

~'_.lilr., ,~,I">.,,: were l'G; rne WJI!_:I' .C-Y":,''-C·--S" 0,: a man I,~, a,,'

< - ~ ~ .1 -- • ~ -~ ~.~ •• • • . _I ...., . _ _1.---,' ,~_ I I ~;. ._.

state- of dleliriumThe- walls of the houses appeared

-, - 'h- f'" • '~ll~ · - Id-'

to P,O_C,IS, "~t . e pFope'rty 0_" Insu-ll~g mtense 00 :~~~!.

into th '. b---'C-:8', rt Br"" the passer-b r~"'- O-:',D[-':Ie' ~e:J-c~"t ..i;L·a',:'t~' '0::0':-'

I • Lv "-r' ~, • I •••• ~'" "'I~ .~ __ "~~,_I •• ';". t;._:_'~c.._' -,·,1,:[1.;1) tlJd:1 '.~~ .. , .. ~ .. ,

'I-Ii' 'Ii ild-'- L;" d 1-" th

,lYIng 'C.rt,.tare ~Ct)IU:",_:, ever JJ:8',ve", 'w:e, t tDI':'_:~ose'

bt"OI'I;C!I-S' n /"h">""'- I,,' 'th-'-",-- .. - be, '. d" 'b-' --','-,- .. b', ~'·'·I,t'- ;00"".', ·h",·, ',,- ". ,', t'--h--" " ,.'~ uq(!:,. oce.r "aps~~_~y ~_·a,. I,eell _~IU1, II ,louse I_~_e

b ·ts F- th' al b Iii'

j"" r • '," I." : . ~ .. ( . h. ',l . . . " .,- ,_ I -.. ',--

I IOI,,_~ ;0, I. ,e. _,I 11e,f1e,-,·,-:. I .• ,ao,gl,.

A- p" ~ ~~,' . i·)tl-I- - ".,~ d--' ": .... ' (''--:-'' 't,L h-' ,-, ~ -, , -, tak' -iII'fti--

,:,'p_reID,oIYUle;'nver O,'.,I:le :__~~anel 'w,as 1~:';-,,'IIJlg

me by a by .. ~oad or by .somespecial '"(lute of his

O:lil;:"". I::n'~" s-r.!'&m'-·' A, p-,l~Jc-_a •. :1" ~""~a,,·'t' 'W··-~Il" t"D',-,- 'b""e" se' -- '0- .. '01 ....

.~ 01".;-'''&1. ~~'-' "·w- ,\} _~ ·_.m.··~~gl . I. ·Jl -LlI_'~ I. • ~CIlJ ", ,".: _ '. --.~ .>· ..• =~1~1&:_1 ._ >I.:_~';

-th' I 'd' . r '- ~ , - ,

'et~ - ," [Ier' Ill' e ~o; I' th~ road were ~tu'mJ\s aDa 'wry" ,"" ,: ,- :,'

_. J - • • _J_. _'""':' •• _ '-',"._ '-r __ '~'."'~ ," .'~." .~_. ..~.'r .. ",' . I 'Q .,.' '_ " l'r···. ..- I I :_~Il .. _',_ .. ':','

'twi,,",ed~· .• · t-·-,re··,-~D.- 'b~,py·':ft'D··lld" wi···',:h::-"I-'C;~~ 'w'-·"'-c-¥le' h·o·'iil-e·~· -ralol"m'-': e'

, , _~,L. .. , .. ,oUQI, ' III!i.\I' _' 'V,'., ., ' __ ,_,...:11. ~.~ 1- .,,' 1U;a!:. ." -a ~ .. ~, .:_

5~ 0"-

I

"

squat, some tall, of ... eometrical ;shapet___;perfect eones, truncated cones=-with narrow, crooked wind~ows 'fro,m 'which blue flowers ,or morning ,glory protruded and twined over the doors and walls, Then this landscape disappeared abruptly' in, the dense mi's,t .. ,

The Le-"a'Y:y"- pregn ,g ... + ';10-""u' ds which covered the'

J.,~ .'.' Ill:.-· ,-'.:: \~, ..... '\ii1i:~' . ~;I,'1t ,~,:I. '. ~ __ :._' .. '. [. ·;I;~.J,I "'..: .. '_', -'. <,'

top' ·of the hills sagged oppressively. The wind was blowing up a fine rain like aimless,. drifting dust. We had 'been travelling for it. considerable time when, the hearse stopped. at the foot of a stohy,aridilill on which there was no. trace of .. '-- -,,~: -. -, 'I'" -J' ·"d~ tb ,', e- S--' ,- 'tilt· ".r,~ C'li1·C' - I-Oi~ m .'~ "'Y"· eh est and

greenery, - , .... 1-, J, __ ," Uc_'_~~,,-.lJ[ c_,,-,---,_ '~, ~~ , ",.'

go;'t out,

"--- ,0' .... -.--: .:k-,~_ . ~~",::,.;~- IR:f" ,t;h-~ 'e'- h ~il, ,]"-1 was an .. l, 'l";DIO· i:'}a,,'- te . ..ll

,.,_ .. ·0 ~U,I:e OUilcr ,8IQ'"-', u, ,C_,_, _ ,,;I, ' .,' g,g .. _ .. I;J .,,' _ .,. _ a

enclosure, peacemland green. It was. a place 'w:hich I: had never seen 'before, and yet it looked, 'Camil'ia'f to, me, as though it had alwla·YI been present in some recess of my mind, The ground

~~8~~e~d"\'Iiili' vi~~s ~f bIlle, I~e·~tle; 11l000ing

glory. I felt that 00 one ·until that .momcmt had -ever set foot in the place, Ipullle:d the suitcase

out. and set it down on the ground, The old dri'ver tu'ro,led ro,und .a~Dd said,,1

i'We?'te ft'Olt ,far from S:h,a'h Abdo;'~ A~im,,~ You,

won't find! 8· better pIace··tbanthis for what. r6U

-!IIi b" . ...;1 all ill' b h NI'frrt t

want. There~lsl :nc'ver a ,-"'Irg '1~,Jll,es ,::Y' >C;fl:'. ,:_I~;.'

I. put my. hall~ i~to my pncke.~ .h,~~~~n~inhg ~,O pay the d.Flver lils fare. ~l that_I, au. Wit me

were, ,tw:gl "~atu and, one: t,lJ'.i(Ui., '. The dl1v,c;[ b'u,rst

~nto a bollow ,grating laugh and said,

• ,ComB worth ~MipldivCl,· Sd'il and 'I~d .. ,

,31'

ja ·r·-' tho ·~a·-:·:t;111 d '0'-:"1 m . liD;, l~ "S'I itead e 1,£7 p-;>a·':y··'. It's a .'. n'l-.:t .... r-vase .

/ __ ' ~ _:. __ ' .~ .' I. '] '] 'l~ ·J.l~"·_.~',.' ..... -," ,_'_... ',' '. 'llil ~ - l_ '-._: ',. ,,~-.'-~ ."~

. .

:r... . .... D 1:.., .--. - .... ' . .£...- ·thi I . - :__ ' ... -.-,. t .' ·t·.. .' f' nco . . .

rrom ~llag' ··es,. comes trom i file aneiem GI y: .. 0,· ,~ev.,

_ ,'_.1__ ··.I~~.J·-- ::_J ' __ ' __ '_' -' l I .. '_" ~-, . • ~ ~ . .- _,l '- "-- -I"!I!!'

'·Y· .. ·I:"'" ... ,. " eli.

'Then, as he stood there, bent 'and stooping, he: be~an to laush ~ag-~ain ISOI that his sbo'u.I,den

D, r:J r c., .

-;h1 I, 'I-)iii H'· "., t ,,·II···k··( d ... ,L(-:. "'C·t- ,'- .. , r. . ... ,. 'd-: .i11I.. the dir ·t:-

,SI'I.cO·C) •• , . .e rucxec me Jar~ wrappec 10 .. e uJ_ -y

h d;'.. bl .,_,Li' d b· dl 1'1 __ .1: ff-;-

aanc .&;e:r;c~1 lb." uaaer . ·IS arm an I. w'atiw O~" to

._'L h '1,I.,··th ... ... • 'bll h

tne . e.a'ne~ '1rY'1'~-_-;-1 su'rprlS·IDg DI,m, ·.·11 eness . "e ;spr,ang

- ,-- ... - d took his -~"ll- -- ..... .L .. d·' _. '" . '. - :".. .' .. ' ." ·t=: 'Th' I - .' .

H.p .. anc ,JODI ~IS~ p_;ace' OD me .1. rrver IS seat, ' .: .Ie

. , .

whi ... ,·- vhistl ;.~ th - .... Igh .. ·.-· ..,:,L ..... "'1-" the h ...... ,---: ... - ·.,.. .. ·t·, a' WI,lP W_~_S aeutnreozn tne a·lr", .'1 lie '. orses set 0,11"

b;rea:thing' . hard, The bells around their neeks

, , .

played a straaee tune in the damp air C'radually' '.'

_~I _" __ ,i:. '.' " ~~ -. .. " .. 10' _' .. _.I.··.~, ,_. :____ "', . -:. ,-,I "-., 1_ r' ~_:- J.' '.' .... - :_:,_,", I,_~:'

th e':y' d . ·I .. ~"(~ 'np-: eared :"'01' Ii m th e ", 'd-' I_nl''-''C' ~'. lDJi fl'ii·S_ t· '.

,'_J.J. ,,( .... J, 1:_Pc.r. ~'.,. >~ ,.~_._ &_~l~ ," 'I~. ','-'. ,-,-a~ .. ~ .~ .. ,~ _-. "

As soon as I was alone I breathed a deep

I ",:L £. 'Iii [.- I' £; . h- h k. • h

breath .Q; re .Je.L.. ~. te t as t~l·ou,g". a neavy wag' at

hi d b ' .. '1·£ d' I!' .. , - --, h-' .. -_:- .'. rd '. -. -. ·-d-I·..;c··1

nac neen .llte,. rrom my chest, an,;, a wonnernu

sensation ·of peace permeated my-·- whole hein.. I

I~~_.· '. :~' .... " . __ ; __ '. _ __: .1._' '. ','<".",'-. I~ .' ( ,_-._- - ."' ..••.•• -'~-_~_.. . .,-:'._." ;~. _!9'"~ .• I_~~ ••.

looked around me .. The place wbe:rle I 'stood, 'Wasl

a I-'m" a.:.: '1-:'1 e' D·llc···:·o·I""1I;p;e~ ,e'u" 'm·-··-·o·:·un4e· :d:: 0":0-:-" e-:,·re· "'ry--';", s-:'Iid":rl~' b.····¥·····

_ _ I~ II '_ ._' _ '." '_ ••••••• " ,1IJ11Q-JJi I . IQ1 .. I I. . u .. ,·, : .. ,'.. . ~ .J'Y ,,_,.(" ." ~~, .. ~ .... :.'

. ,

- I ·'1 ·"I-Is" d d- AJ" ~·d d' d'"

bl,lue hI ,Ie; an: IDOIUDI. __ S .• ,_ ,~~IDng ODIe' n .. {.,ge e'x'teo,'e,'1

,th-' , .. : "~'. f····, ' •. ' ; .. ·t .. ·· b" e._ ,-' i·ld· .!- ,-' '. '.°1 - .~,': .. -<. ~,t' , - d'" of· c' _. ,-'

._,_e rulDa, 01'> ,anCl.en.· : .011 ... lOgs.1 con,s ruc"e· . ..1 ....

I. _,

,. b·' k N' b ·tlill 'b- d - .'

massive I ::rl,C_c-;,SI. \<,1 ear·' Iy w,as la IU:ry' 'nver,-i 'e.· .• , _ it,

·····'·~·'I·I ,', .. :-.---.~ ··t· .~-. ·-:-···-·t·- ". ······t' I:!a······ £'''''0'' --."' th" -:··e no·-·:JlliIJ"'e'o'" 'an'" 'd'

was ,a qU.1e "1 ,&'cm,o:,e l,pO., li-Io 1,11'] 'm, 1.__ _ :~ _":.' .,~ __ •.•..

tu:mu)lt ,of :men~ I Celt pro{ound,ty ha1ppy and

. a· ." ". d' th- I . .' th·· '-- .. - .- . ',' . . . . - - E; ,h····- tb,:· -,. . - ... ~ .. 'It •. -

:relilecte- .... '." ,at. ' ... IOISC great eyes." W· IIc:n.',:, ,ey' aWO.BJe

fi·, -' .. '.. " h'-" ·1 " .. -.-:-, ". f' .- ,:~LL .". -'.. ··d 'b' ' 'lh" ·'1 I-d'i'~ ··'Ia- ",- .-;-. ':-_:'.

r'om t:,.e.: ,I.,eep 0" earUl, wou .. 1 _·~.e. 0 .~:, ,a p ... ce

hi. '11: • 'b' _ tb' tho ,. . d

·w 1.C·ll\ w,as. :tn . -;- arlftony WI'I~ " '1' 'fe~tr' own :o(ature ,an.·~ ~

·· ... L ... ft··· Iii, tb

aspcc,~,. And ,at 'IU~le same '~DlC it was, 111'ltting' '.~: lla.'t,

just as she had been far removed from tlie ute

. # . ·th" . -- - .... -'1-' 'h'- . loll _. L" .-. .. . Ii"!'" .. ,- k-. h'- ·o'uld"

OI0',i.C .• ,er peop, Ie' WII'rl e' S.ne' was l\'.c...ve,,' ISOI IDe S:_~ •. :._~.;·

ii, ~'fi" - . - f" :l·:',-'d- ~ fj"I"

rem,aln 1;3:.r : !'r:om the relit '0'. manU:I'-, lar' .:ro'm

th· .. "'hl- . -. d-' . d-I

IC:' ,ot .. ',er :.~I ,e,a,, __ ,~.

Jl'T-h ,', ]-]' .1 It D .' - - - . -.

.,. - •. , .. ~! 1 • . .=- _' ,-I •. _ '-I., '\ .' '1[1' ,I. .'"

. ', :1,a~:8 a~-- ·ng~~t.. 0.0. t bother .. , 1'.11 get. It·. f[!UD)

I· ·1" k b 1-'· --, . .

yo,uate·r..~ow W' iere you uve, ¥eu haven't got

anv othe .. ·lr· J·o>b',o '£o::r'-- m' e': D'I'~I t' '., kn O"W-· ',' s·o·· ;.--:- " :t· h,·· ~i~;1 :_r'

~.l - U~l. ' - ~ II. . .', .. ,., . ,:u • " .,_c,' '._ . '.'" ·me I.lI1D,g

aboat H,r,av'e~d'!-:a:a;:.Dg··~i,,- I can tell -Y'-OUw, Yes N,othing··;· .. - 1Q be ~amedl:);r. ;'Shall we go? There'; a stream

h b .' 1'111' '.. ~

near ere~_;y' a cypress tree, ~ '-I! [I Idlg' you a hole'

!II he.ri h iii, ~ thesui d tho ')-'

JUSlt the n,g,-tslz,Ci;o,r i' __ iesuitcase an .. ···, u ien W~:i' Ige,

The old man spran~g' down frOID his seat ·w.itk a.nimbleness ofwlUch I could not have imagined

him to be ~a' oable I teok "". th··[-·· .. "" .... [.~ .. ': d -

.. ~ . tv· _..... I~" _[~l ~ .. _-.~~ ,. _, .~:, ~ .. p . ~J!e case an·.·. we'

walked side by sid'e 'until 'we' reached a dead tree

h ieh d 1..- id d ii, b d M

W __ I'.:. '-'. stoo .. ~·_ jLJljsl.~~._e a,-:Iry' ,Avc:r'~ -.e·· •. I',,~ ~ .. ,1·Y com-

i ,ad

• , I.' 1"-'-' .,' . I 0: ( z; , , I

paD 0.0 sal :.1--:,

'Thi~' ii' ... ,., d 1- ,

.. ~ 1[· "S', I-"S~' a·'-' goo .. 1 P'I' a· ·'·ICA, ...

-, _.:__" J p' •• _ _:'.1 1_ ,_. -:_'" ~, . :_, -". ' •• ~, ,~.

W' ~ .•• ,:.... .... . '" iii,' e. h- b

·,,·I:IUiout W8lltlOg' lor an answer, _I)I:e I : .. ·,eg;an, at

enee 'to dig, with a small spade and··" a P-~II;-'<'~~' -,w:' . h dch

J _-C.... .. ,.' '_'[.' •... . : -'.,. .. , .. ~~.;~ 1_1, )::. ... ..:_ .. ' .. '-; _,' . ",:,~~ ,.'. ~_,!.,:.

he bad brought with him .. 1 let the suitcase dOlwn

a-'DI·d" ·'tr·· .. ···d··1 b-~····· ~d-' !j·t·, I ,·w_ .. ~. k"'-: ·d·-I -·f-;"· t· - .... T"h-I 'Id' ... ' .. 191.·00~., ,:.·.eSI'.'·.e I", In a,_~ln···, o. I.o,rpor. ,. ~.l~: 01', .• 1 ..

ma:D, 'bell't dou_-le, 'was wlor'kiog aw;a,y with, the' deftness of one who was' med to the joh. In the

- fl hl~' d· iii! b' bl'

oDlurse 10;' .-:lS ,. lcrfl10a' -e' came aCirOSI an 01 ~·.1'ect

- .. ~: . _- , . __ '-_ . I ' -- '_IOit)"i"" -- 'e." .. '. "'i11 ." .. -~ ... - .. ".' I_':_, .. -;JI ... c. " :.-

whIch looked bke a glazed Jar. He wtapped It D'p .. · in ,a dirtv ba'" d'kerchie[' stood urp':. an··'I-·'·d'···-· s,~:d··:·1

. I. -' '-- -'''1 :-- .. .- ... I, _ .. -: .... - ... ", _: I"'CLJ;._"

'There's" your hole. Y·es. Just the right size for thle~ em.I'·· ... ' ... g·.~e·: TI-:'h~~· p--A,~.C····t· fi"t·-""V'·sr' :,

.:-~' • J 10., ., .. ~~~ :-:. ['~"~ ::_" -~~:II~. '-. ~ II" ,_jj; r •.. ,Ii

I,I' 'P"ut--' . '-:-:.:' h!II,'·;'·d·~1 ~'i I·tll;'.w.·, : ... ck:il., .. t:· .,.~ .. -." .. ,. h··-- r. .. '.

. '-~ .' .. : .. m.y . ·'c..'alle' ., In ~O .I,I.IY po ._ ... ··e _ ",0 ,pa.y _,l;m lor

I !I!I' k Alii . h --:'h d ·'th· .

]IS, war' ·.c··'_ . ~ ·tl.~ ,,rat .: ~a=w' wtl:.!~1 me' "wer~ two llTora'

and' - .. ~.. ,1..,1. ..... ~ I-Tlh···· - .' '"Id" '. . b' _..".- '. .- h' ~ 1'1'

----. Ie. o,ne a~flrJlUI. . _·.e 0 11 __ . :man .. ~,unt Into a .101.1 ,ow

I ~. '. ,~~ 'Ii:&'~h'-;- ~'-h-' b·', -,._.... ... [' .. ~ht· .'. I't·· ". . .... ~.~. - ft: ""-"'IL ·""·11 . - .. ' -,' .,

_.a,u,g;rl.Y~ .IC~_~ .,:"fiOUg, ,11- ou .. goosel.'IGHI, a [_ over my

bod d "d Y' an~' sal···· I

- " w~·.··· ... ' . ,.,-- I .. _ .. ,~ _~,. ..' . I .,'. .". ,~ •.. '. , _ _ .' __ -I.. ~

Don t worr.y about that. That s al nghit. I

kn""· :,. ~h~' .:;-./.; ':"""1 I'-'~'~'~:-, v I'" .'.- :: .. ~I'-'; .. - .- .• ',:."~-~.' '-','1 '~I

ow W· ,_ ·;.re you .lve,. ~Ies •. ,0 ·&oy case, ,I ,[olund a

g·2'··

;J'

:33

,lli.ft:ed the suitcase 'with great care and lowered it into tlie ~ncb; which proved to be of exactly the right dimensions, a perfect. fit. However, I ,felt that 'I m,Dst look iota the case' once more, 'I' : ooked around. Not a, ,810ul was to 'Ie seen, I took the key from .my pocket and opened the Iid, I drew aside a corner of her hlack dress and saw, amid a mass 0f coagulated blood and swarming

m~'!il:a,.or-:~I. two .t"".I~I't-L, h- ·]-1 a: ~Ik·' ~'Y"'A-S'-IDt.g·II7I'~nlO' '~-"!!-\id··~~ly"; at -_. '--'.'r:J(~J'~" ,_;- .,' b,Jj,'bA, - ~'-'-' :'~~ '- I:"i> .'." ~.: bM~~ '-'l) ,1:1Jl'~":_ ",,-, '. -_-,~

me 'with 0,0' trace 'o,e ex,pression- in them, I' felt

that mJ entire being was submerged i.D the depths

f h H' - il '-I' _L h ]\I!d~IG h -

o these eyes, - - !,astl~'Y ,- shut tne n ~~' or t ",e' ,case

and pushed the loose earth in on top ofit .. When

'hi . h fi· ·'n~-I d' ., 1- I d iLL

the trench was ,;I.I,\e":, In .• _ tramplec "Iuie earth

fi:rm" 'b,r,ou,ght a number of vines of' 'blue, scentless m.omillg glory and set them in the ground above her graveo·Then I collected sand anclpebbles and scattered them around in order to obliterate the traces of the burial so completely that nobody should be' able to tell that it bald ever taken place .. I perfQFmed this task so wen that I myself was unable to distinguish her grave from - the

~su.r,ro'undi~g' ground, ~ -

When I had finished. I looked. down at myself

~"D· ·.Id- saw that m~-I;'y·-·' cloth ie a., W,····PJr--- .n.~; and smeared

I~ _, , I .. ,. _ ~_. __ '". . "·.1 ... · ~l·;"".·~·, I ~.~~ . ~\ J ~ ~~.& a... I ,~ I@i_, _ ;~ ... ~_~ .'_

w,j,th Iclay' a'od, 'b'Ja,c:k" c]:ot:t,c!d 'b:lood .. , Tw'o 'bl'ister.-lIie;s

'I 1· d ell b r·' ill

w'er,e ICIT,elI D;g. ,arou,n .~~ m,l~ am) .. ~~ a :n1u:m· I~eir 10' 'G tln:y

'mra,ggo:ts, w'ere wr,ig'g:lin:g;, stu,c':k to ~y cl,o,th,es., In ,1.'0, atte~mp't to, re!mov;e' the 'bJood,5ltains (rom, th,e skirts of my coat I moi$te:ned the edge of my meeve with saliva and rubbed at the patches; but

~L L) dO, t ii, 1 k d iii 'L __ - !iii I

'Ul,e Li" ,00:- s: -atn,s, a;nJrY soa, _:,ej-_c loto, tI,I'C m,afCeriJa'" .so,

Q~: ,aT~

that 'th',ey penetrated throughto my bedy and I' felt the abimminess, of blood. UPPIl1 my skin.

It was not long before Ill:nse:t and, a, fine rain was falling, I ban to walk and involuntarily 1::,. "['1-· .~, -. ed ""L,,· ,-1., ~ ... ~ I t-'-'-' ~ ".,11 ... ,,",", o· ··'·r:' th ,6, h ~rs~,; e tl:rL:\el'~-" I,oc~owe':~_ l],J[C Wllee_~,~f;la,~.lUi ,,~ _;_; .. :~, ,,__I~,u -_ '~'.~ ",I,I,?,D,

,~- ,'!I!i h· 't- - .~ 'a.'; ~,- 'A 1- 1- 0 :'t- the - t .ra c-·k' '. 'iI:'!i b mt eon ~:jI1" "U" ed 1 to

,IDli ,- ,c'~mle, '-'Ill. ,_I - S"tJ~-l: _:--_ ,~-,i,1i, _:_~ ,~, ,",iUI"IU ,~- '\;;o:_:_::r

'.:.ralk Ion in the profound darkness lJ.owl'y",,~ and

y'~.r-.. I] . 1_ _'_ "_' ," ~~. . . ~ 'I .. ~. --.. ~ ~-. '.: ~

aimlessly, with no consciQus thought in my mind"

':-lj,'·'k- .. , .-.. - ..... - ·'r ,'Ii, .~. ".- d I· .".- I' ,.. ':-1-: h ad ,- ',._, ~., .. , idea "1·;0·' :w'·· ha 't-

__ ,_,~,e ,8 man In a ,~re,ami. .,,1 ,B" :. no ~_. _, ,M __ L ~; ', , .~.

di -,--,jI!'~.j. 'II .".-., 1:;- - :-'~, .~,- Sine e··-' she 'h .. a d 'g·'·"O'-"'DC &11!1ii'O'· ce

. ,lrl:tLl0n . - was gOln,g~ ~I,nl~: _' D',,,·~ ',I,,·.!, '," ~ " " iJ·', '-J~

,- d h- ' id f

1'1. J- '-.' ~'", ',- ,.·····.·,·".I··· -. =- "'-_".(~' .. -:..,.-~ ... ,. ,",'"j -, -·"I··"'_· .. -: . ·_.-'·~I·I. . , .....

I ha a seen t" ose great ey"s amn , ',8 ,mliSS 0

11 d b'l-' d I' h·- d' C'-II', th , .. " 'I' ._ - - ~. .1-111.: ~ .

icoag.u.l,ate,~ ,~ :oo~-'" " _,~a~_, 'l'e I't ,1,8't . -r was, wal I'&'~'g

in QI p·,-p,o·~,e.a·'·-· und Id···:Qlr"-k-·'-'-'D·~.S;-1 which h-··,~,~.JI c o ·'m·'· ip iletel .,-y",-:'

,~, 'A . < .. ' ,~lIJ . _." , '__: I.", " _ _:_ .~a_~' .. _ --;,_ "~',,~', __ a:U__, .. ,. ' ..... :L - "_

- -·-,','h···" ~, . ded ~-.::- .. v .. -:,-, 1:'~:Il: T-L ··"r:· .. c",,!II',L~;·~-'h'· had been

ens",rcru,· ,Ie·· ~ my . Ile. ",,}IIQSe .eye~w 11K] .. , IT::. ,,' . g~b,' .

I Iii' 'h - .' 'h ...;]' b ... , . .. L- d

a antern . :lg_ f tlo:g' :my waX' ; - .. au: een ex,tl'ngUJlll!e! .-:.

r.~,_, _' . . ,;-,' ..... ,- d .. - ; "-;-",''.' 'I d ·~r, . - ··t ,'-.::: - -, .. -, ", ': rh i ,-- ·th, -'-I·· .. -. ernot

tor ever an"" now -,~ l.u, no .. c,are, w,~_~e,_- :,~r O~ ,n,.: ...

I ,i d _ 1

, .• - 1.-.[.-<;,...· :_, t. -~. ,",:--._",,-h.. - -, I .• ~.;,. ---: ", •. , ~:(

ever arnvee at any Il:ace,~

-~., ,. ,-- 'll!i. "-l --. ~ I' P_'I-

There was complete silence ievcryw'here~l .' tett

,- l't Id- .'_....1, L_~I ~~ d I" 'k

'that a!,', m,anl_:_"~IKl l~tJ 'rr,cJeGt,e~u, IDe: ann ,- -, too ,-

refuee 'with inanimate thing. rs, I w-as conscious ef

-'--'-e~~II:r~~~', j ~ _ -L'~ .. - 'b-- -- ,~~ -- - . - .r- ~ - - ~': "~~ d 'h··-·' ,' .. ', , 11- ,- t--~' .-- of

,8 relanonsmp aetween me an' .', the ,pu sanon 0,.

nature, between me and the profo,und n'igb.t which - had descended ",'-~.,. '-, '~.-.'~': ;,'p,rl-' __ it I-ThiJ~'

W~~,IC,_,I, ,~·,a,··1 ".,.escep.,,·e,·,_c upon my S"r-Ifl .. ,--, ~,~

silence is a language which we do Bot U'ItICle7<f'-:,

st .. -.£1 M:- .. , '. I head bes -',,- to swim in 'R kind ·0'1 If I -

S l-an,Ai:-I·;Y ",e,a_,-egan _-', ~r.l,W.JJ.I_" ': -:,1_", .:I.II~'" '~_

~. - Ij _-J~_ A·-'·- ·-t' .'. - --- ,-.,('-' --. -.-,- -" .. - .. I,. - -- ~ ,'.'J '. ~, m'-I/!!!!,

.Iot,oxlcatIOft., ,,', sensal_3on '0, nausea c"ame over ~'c..:~,~,

and my legs .felt weak. I 'experience(i a se:nse_ of :inJinite' w'eari'nes;s~ 'I, Wle'D't into a ,cemetery bes~,de'

---h-l-- :---:-I...J ,:-:; ~ ·dl·"t-· 'd:'~ , .. -1'1-- I' -·"1-:' .·,Iv -:c." .,.i~_ '-It'-' . .'.,~---., '.. 1- 'h· t'ld

,t, 1 _ e rg8u, an "- sa;, ~~ o,wn, upon 8, Ira,velsone,.,~,\"

, h·'- d-' 'b'-""-' .'" ,',' 'b'---~·'d'·'· ·-'~-d·- t-'·n··'"d """,.1 ,·th-'·"'~kk

m'y::i ··1 pia-: 1.1. • .• ·e-- t~w· ·····,~~n'· m' -I y'" ,B;c n,1 :-1 ,S-, lID,·" I, ,e-.. ILO - 1c__J.D ".

\_ _ I· I 1'-' . _J ••.•• • '_.' ~lj~_ 1 1 . [ r - ~. ~ ~r---'_ ~ -

~dily oftbe situati'on I was in.

Suddenly I was brought to m:ys1elfby the sound

3··:·:'5

", .". " \~~ : .'

0-"0---' the dr-··I'·v·r·'~ seat 1'1 climbed onto th e'" V' ehicle

_:"1"] :.1:1.,':- 1,1._.,':" l····.'·~.~-·:O- ' .. t~"'.~II. I r., .. ': ;'l -:' .I,e; t. _:.'~I ... 1:.1 ~ .• ,::_' .• ~' 1.·--·, .... '.::~." .. [.I>'l~

and stretched :mY'self out in the sunken space where they put the coffins, resting my head

.. th bel 'iI[ h-l I d tho .- - - b Id b bl )-1 -

against ,-' ~Ie II 'rlg -I I ec g'e' SO-I'- at }I ~ OU ~ I be a ~. e to

1~6k o~t l1S~ed~ov~ alo~.'-iaid'dlejaro _: ~y chest, and held it in place with my' . - and.

'The wh·ip whistled through the air ,; the horses 'set ofF~ 'breathi~g hard ... , They moved with. high, smooth paces, Their hoofs touched the :Ifo·nn.:d glentlyand silently, 'The bells, arounc their necks played a strange tune 'in the damp air, In the gaps between the clouds the stars gazed down at the earth like glea:ming e:yes, emerging from. a, mass of coagulated blood, A wonderful sense of tranq.uillity pervaded :m'y whole being. All that I' could feel 'was the jar pressing against 'Ol'y chest with the weight of a dead body. The in£erloduog trees witb their 'w,ry, twisted branches seemed In the darkness to be grippin.g one another 'b1y' the hand ,for fear they should ;s,]lp .and crash to the ground. The sides ef the road were lined with, w[ei:r:d houses olf jndivid'u:a. geometrical shapes, with. fOF'iozn,. black windows, The walls of the RoU$t:S, like glo,w-worms, gave forth a dim, sickly radiance, The trees passed by alarmingly ~ in clumps and in rows and field, awa.y from US, 1 But it appeared to me that weir feet became en.A ·n·ftI']- ... d in vin es of m ~ 0"- rnin go. - g: ;10' "'ry-:.~ ·w·: ·h··· ic h b ·'~.n;uah,t·

LiA,-_je-,I~ _ _!_ J 1 !y.,;.J .!. ,a' .1 ., ,- ,1;-,1."". I, , '. ,.". J.~,' --'.',' [ '.~ ~ 1::).'-'

them to the ground, The,mell ~f death, the

~mell .. of! d~composing~~' pe~~~edl _,me~ ~ody

and .soul, It see me d to! me that I had al,ways been

saturated with the smell of de:ath aDd, had slept

,3,7

of'a hollow grating laugh I turned and saw a

'fi:;~1 -: r '-,,~_' . ii, -h,'1 ,.".' [~'...' '1 .... ,-. :..:-_:~, ~ -1_,,:" _. .. _ -- ~\< _ _I Y. \ ---'._

, gure ~.t~ ~ ItS[ race concealed by a, scarf muffled

around its neck. It was seated beside me and held under its arm something wrapped in a h~ndk~'-'

'~'h·"~':" : ... ,~ II .~. ~I: r ~ ., ~.- .~I - -_--- "_ , '".~ __ . _- ~r.,~. -.I .. '.'! l_:_.~ I '.11 ·er~·

e ... ,~l", - t turned to me' and said,

'I suppose ro~ want to get into town? Lost

your ·w·:,···."a:-'v ·e···h·;·'jM)[ S::· .p.,'- , ; ~"- " -. ,",-',.'.' ideri , 'h- ,'.

.. _,' .. ~. _ ···.,- .. r» .,.j I. 'Ii .. g,lpose ylo-u r'~wo'n:.e~rID'ig W ':i at

I'm dOing 111 a graveyard at this time of llight?

-"T 'd t L........ ~ [."'....J D'" d b d-"

,1,,.0 ~ello 00 atf~. ;,ea:. ~O.lles" are ~y regular

busmess,.Grave dJggm:g's my trade. Not a bad

trade, eh? I know every nook and cranny of this place. Take ,~ case in _point-today I went out

....JI·· • 'b F d - - -

on a gr,a'y~e:~'lllggJ.ng J'O, .. ~~, -~ ~:1 ODD', this jar j/o 'the'

g- zound. ICn,ow' what :it is ~ It's a fil- ow "'c"r', va se f .. ~o·- "'~m'l

It-- h -' g'~e- ,,-. ,.- ...... -- -.-'-. ,;1 !J_.':', .... ~.~~: .. ~ he a . '~l~c _:... .' ~. , .. '-f"~ R·~.,·'-J' - "' ' ... 11,1_.

. ,. ,.., .." I 1 '. . '1 1'1 ,. ... .•.. ' . I. . ... ' '.,' -. . .. - - .

I .. ~~~·a.~s.,.~o~es arom the .an~llent lelty 0·1. r·,'CY. Yes .

That's all right you can have the jer K· _ +_

I, ,>," , ,-"." ...., ~ ···/cd'. • 'ttp 1

to remember me by ~

I put my hand into my pocket and took out tw{) "Tans and one tdJlJrui. The old man, with a hollow laugh which brought out gooseflesh a1 over ,m~y' body, said,

'No, no. That's all right. ,I know you, K.now where y~u live, too. I've uot a hearse

di 'Ii __ . Q

stan . In~ Just near .here. Come and I'll drive you

LO_"m'~'~' y·.·_.CI I;t'~ - ·";1 ''C ;t· . . ..t' .,--- - ,. -_.. , -

fJl,--:·",:;~~ .. ,,","113.[~ ' __ ' ~, ol.n~ y'WO S'[:.leps away .. '

Be put .,the jar into my Iap and stood up. He was laughing so violently that his shoulders shook. I picked up the jar and set off in the wake of the stooping figure" .By a bend in the road was st_:nding' a, ramshackte h ears e with two gaunt

bl cl(1 h .' ,-;--

ack nerses harnessedto it. The 01 man sprang

up with sUfpming n'mbleness and took his place

316

)-1 1- '.' I!';. [!!!I' bl k m hi

a .I! my' . lie m ·al~.,ac_·~, ICOIIID w __ IIe .a bent old :man

whose . face I. could Rot see transported me through the mist and the passing shadows.

The hearse stopped. I picked up the jar and

, , th'''l d I" dill." .

sp,ra:ng tothe po'u·n,-'- .•. 1, was outside the door of

my:--!,;' O':1:·TI"!Ii, house '1 L1:,····· .. edl went .. ', .... ," rd c. .... " .. ,....:1'

I' ", ',' ~"!:"~ I. '," .. '~"ii ,~lurr,le '_''''!JY w1en _ 10. an" entereu

my: :~oom0i' I put the jar down [DID the table, went

.,1 • h [iii ~'th 1 ,_,j - ' .. -' •.• """" •• ~ ,,'

stnug t mto tne closet and brought out from its

~itlinl-place the tin 'box whic,h served me as ,8

. - r. . II... - ,..... th d ij.. d .' [.. ",

sate. . I, went '~,'I :Ie, oar" lD'len, I. ):nl' t'OI IgJV'iC 'It to the

Id h d · Ii' - -. -

o ... . r earse-dnver In lieu of payment, but be had

d···· . . ..... d th - - "C" '.- • '-. ''',

- lsa,ppel.are·:.,; tnerewas no Sign 0: mm o:r 'o!r his

h e";:- "--;'. ''1:'., ,I~~·,. . ....J I" (,. , 'L_:. 'k'" ,,'. ,-..... . _. ~ " I'

,." arse, .r~r.U·I:~I,a~,eu". w[ent uaL(; . to ,mlY room ....

Ht the lamp, took the jarcut of the handkerchief in which it, 'was wrapped and ~W'··::I·th.'· ~- my I,,·l".v··"e···

rubbed away the eaFtb~hich~ted 'it. It W:-"a~

ancient vase wirh a-' tr .>.,--J ..... - .. :-' :--·/·t -:·'"I .. t····!·· _ .. hi ...... L :., ,,~ "_" !, .-~.'.-~~~.-' ~- .' ~njsparen VI'O" et g,az[e: W~'~IY,Ji

had turned t .. o th .. ,,··· "·.,1 .. ,, ,'-' · .. ··f·"· 'L h d b6·· 8"-,1

'.,. r.:..!~ ,_I .. _' , .... '. '( , I_ .. ~~e 'COlour O_' a c,rus,':· .[. ister-: ': :'Y,.

O· "'In, D"'ne sid •. ,-~ 'tb' ,-.,'.' 'b""'-'l-'I' , ';: the , "," .... .. -

'.~. ·Ii;&. .' "-~ 1",_ ,'}.' ["" '011 '" [,I,e .·_,Cr 'f 1011, .. _~_,e v'ase was ani

almond-shaped panel framed in blue flowers of

m---·o·im"""·l~n':·."g""" 'g·.~'le"ry·:'·'· 'a'D-"d, 1'1'0" t'-"b'", ,,', ..... - e'l

. I I I , J' - ..:_, ., ". • - II - I . ~'. . I f--

- '~ .... '-~: ' : .. ',.. "',, .'" .. ' " . -. ", -'_ ,e p~,n" • '" iii

In .thc .almond-sltaped panel was It;r portrait 'I II 'Ii the, .[ac,e ,of a wema'ft, with ~,eat blac:--~ ~[., e'" y~ "e' '·'1,··1

.. . - ---- _ .... _ 10("""" .:_' ,,'. . ',' ,.,

e-V:~ th·· .-'.' ·t·, ... ", '. .' ·b"Ii. -,--'.' ,':, th·" ,.. -h'- - . ~)., 'Th' ~I

1''-'0' 11 .... ·a·,I., ~e,re .. :.llgger '. "'!a:n at ·~,er' peopl ,e's. '. ·I!.re'y'

wor,e [a ([oo,k [Qfrep-;··roaeh, .. ,as, thou;o-h. the.y"· h"; oad~··I··~·.· ~\~n-I"'[

If .. ~- - "cb' _'-_ "_'.'. __ ' 19~~,

m' e" c·o',-·'m·c-··mc· ·I~·t··· so·· "m' e'" l~n.v·p'I'·a'b"I' '. •. '~. f'-' - hi""'~' h 'I' h'~ d-'

.' '.' .. ~> . I" .. , ~ ,>.', •. ;::::= . -.-~~.A.i 1'.11 '., ::",e SID 0 W~~_ Ie;,., ~ ." ITa ~"~

no knowledge .. They were 'fria.hte·D'iua 'malric e'y' es

•.. I ' . -" . ' .. ,,' ,_. '~. ,-:'- ," . ' .• 0"-" · . ,. ""~I" ' _. ,o'_' .- ") .'. [,>- >

WIth an expresSion of 31lX1ety and wonder, of

lDenaC'6 an:d 'p'fOlmise. The:y' te'rrified, m:~ and a'traeted me and an intoxicating, s,upematutal radia'oee sh[olne frOID th1e:ir d'···:ep. ,.c:·tLr.... H·~ .. :e··irl c"'h(e-.lk·',-

• • • I • _ 1_ ",_ , __ J _ -', -. ~., .I~II.. I ," a ' . ....:._/_:_.:._.~~_:

hoi ... ne,1!!! .,iflC... - .. - _.. t d h' £':.' h d h· h-' :"._'1. _:~.f[·:'&I~ p_[o,mloen: an-, . ,er' ',llo'rel' .ea:, ... ' tg' I' '.

Qa','IJ:

al'~-

H,','" eveb l'li,t&Jai :-.' ~ ' .. ,,} ad ,-. and m":' ·,t'· ~:, th ' ,

er . .:Y=-,.;..J,&"<W".'I131 were sen,~~. ~;",I:, net In me

.. - - ~dd''']' ;8" . 1"- - - ... - .c JIll-I - d-' half - - H','"

mlr~: .. ' e. ,_er .1p[',S were ,lUlL ane .. _;~al'I,~ o'~n,~ .·~e'r

hair was d,jsh~lled and one stra ,ad IOI~rit .. clune

" ,_~, .' .,' -' _ J' ,.", , .. ,.,I:!, .. , ..:. _ ,'. _ ',' ..... I', ,''''.' ',".' ~. " _ . ;~!),

"A h.' er temple,

'Lv. . _ i~"- ~ I' '\.;.,1 ~

I t"oo·:,·,,:-:,'klc 0: ·u't" ,,cr:'~,o- ;m: "','. m"- • tin bo .. ,v' the por .. trait 1"1' h ad

I ~ Jli .. - r ' : <- __ "'._ I] -,'\'.,,1__ ._' [~ .:U.'. ,.-,; .. ~ ._ .. .>~ '_. .~ .: ," ... '" ...... _. . n " I. ..'

painted of her the night before and compared

the tv '0" ITh' t , c' .,.a .. ' ..... '.' , .... , · .. ·~··IO··t a·,_.' o· ~tl -II :·····1 i':"lf"'" Id:·"'·,~~,_=--" ~,'-: "

. I. _:,w ... ' "e\l'~ w[as n, "___ ,",~,ODl 0 . ..:._Inerence

b ictureend th,·· the j Th

~,:ctwe~lI my picture al:l" ',',at ,?:n .' ;,_,,~ jar, ~"'Ie

. -_. '.-<- :I; - ht L . 'b' . th ' .. fl' . "' .. ~' , f'" till, . th -,,-

Doe '1Ulg',·.i: nave ..:. .. een me re ecnon 0 ,J ,e JO ~[~[-er'

· · ITh' identi :111 d ....

10, a mirror. ,I ... · e two were l"~II,en Dca.. an ... · were, l,t

d b 'Ii th 'k f ·'1'

seeme O-'VlO'DS,~,,' .he war I.: ,0 i: one mao, O;D~e I~._-

fated decorator 0:£>: '-""en- " cases Per .... haps the eo .. !·~ul.-·- o'·,··f':

I~i 1, __ " -._,- _: .. ~-' ',', '. _ .••. ;.1.,." ';". ", '.~ ... ,. - ~"_. .. . _ .. 13 .. _" .• l' ".~ .. _ "," J, .. ," -,_, "._ ',- • :.~

. . ,

the vase-pain ter had taken po ,t!!",~~('i!I'O'['D- . of m:-,'I"If!JI[ ,w" ~b· 'e' '.':0

,I~, : ~- .• ~~~ _1 ~.. [J-:f ~. ~. .~ ," .i:tp~~I3D .:/ ... _ -. _'_. ',' '~' '.' ~I : .. -_" __

, -

I . .... - d I . -' - . .- t }I' t " 'd.'· . ' r hai d h . ' d r.. 11'1 _. . _,', ~ . "d" ,

maae my por.:,ral .... , an:_ my nanc 1:13.:'[, ,1011:"owe

hi id 'I '., ·'b- I . "·I1'· .. L

. ~lSJ guJ.~.' anee, _t was lJl\pOSS1.~,[e to teu tne tWOI

apart, except, that my picture was on paper 'while,

... L 'iI'~' ... :'L. d " .. L

me 'p",C?atDltlD,g';' [on IU~l.e vase was coverec 'WllI:l an

... ~ )

!Ii, ' .. II bii h "

ancient transparent g,~aze W'L:JIC'l··· gave: It .a mys-

terious air ~ • .... 'B"n·me· .. supernatural air .. "I"D: th [~

._)~\ ' : ,,", ,I"";t ! ~_ .. .I., .~ DIU r. __ • ~t::I' _." ) . -. " :~.. . . .~:_.' ~ ~ .' '- .. _:. .. '.: _ . i111 ,._ ,'"_,,U-

de .. sth ·:,f,;·:,,;i·:Lj.-,.,_ .... :-,-', , b . I [D' "e' ',d·· a"" spark ofthe spirit 0'-:'("'"

cp, - 1,S 'O~,U·le ey,eB ,_~.U·. [I ~,_ ' ,_ ~ I_:",..'.J..· 0 I~, .' ('I.: .. ~ .. '.'

·1' N .:L tbl '. 'b "1'· f L_~~. ..

eVJ· '.' 0 '1L!';le . -: lng .. was p··.·ast. ~ .'e" .le' :. uQ'U,1 PI:lctb,r[es

'. '. .. . . .. , ,-' '-' .' ,. . [. '. ,I .' . '. .' ... -,~ -.. - -," ,. . . -- ." -

depicted, the same :grea,t e'ye:s1,! v'oid of thollgllt"

til.. d' • d ..

. Ie sa'm,IC, rleserYfe'[, yet 'un~con's!tralDe.~, ex;p,r,cSSJOD

r- ~ I' '... [!I'b"l 1- ,~ ,i! th'·- 'ill

o~ l~aC'e:, .. ',t ,IS Im'polsli -' .. 'ie: to, :Ilnagtlle ,:. !fJ ,sensatl'ons

~'L··t· ":';-":",'·i,·· ,- ..... I' ····'~;[,~·h:;-,.,d",.: :th":"B··,·t I ,,rrt.4'--·ld·· 'P:'I;I'n .. ··'

L),I .. a. arose In Ole. W!,1'-'10Lc' ['. I. , JU·UU i.,. .J; u_ .

__ . -.., ~~

away from Dlysel£ 'was s'ue,h· ·a eoiuciden,ce "'o-"nc,~,e'~l~'1lra".'··b·\l'~ ~ AI-'I' ... ,ltc,··: 'w .. ,·~t'~,;-:'Le,-~d" n··~I,-s,IS>;' ~f: m:i"'Y,,:,'[ Ii'···'~e":: ~AC!\e"

",,;" __ ,,, .: " y [.' ,< ~ '.. :.... --. UJ.". . iI!'''''' _Lt.),~ " , ,~. _' u ,. ", . _~-4, UQ,_

ag" ain beforTe my'~"'~ ~'es W[as, 'it, Dot [e:- ··.o'ug··h that

1 >:_.:-:-' ~1 ~_ .... ._ • \,! :.... """~l' - !II .. .. ~ ,c -- -'. ...._.) - • ..,. _ .-'_ - ..

in, 'tb[e COUD.e ,of my .life I :m'oiuld encoun[ter o'[ne

persollwith such eyes as these P ADd now two

Peop":le 'were g·:',~az-ing.~ .• a:t me from. tb·e same [e~,,[

_. _ _ ;' .:l ,I <' ,] ~lIi!II.

1.._,., '_", '~. 'Th" --, thi,:-""Da',·,~as' . ha.J!'o·· "D'I d .... I-'n"~'d~" 'u·"r·a·" ·D···c·,·e·" T-l &"1., 'o-'."e

,,,,- ,eyes". ,_ ·e II.. _'---"O w' .. , ~1··'" .. , ~ ... _'_'," '. ' ...... '" ~ ... ,',' ... ·o~ •• "

39"

~ ! .

, ....

·'-,~·c,·'·' > '.- 1 .s ··· .' ·'·r'·~ ,- c"'. ··d··'~·· "'. ,>~·.I*~ .. " .. di . ,,' ths t h .. · .'.,.... l!llor. .. , '.' .)- .... _'" h'· .. " ·d-·

ca.,p[a - .I_£ 0 ~ un _,ers·,,,an ;l,ng,j._'~ la, I. ,.1 .1S, ~ll,e, a ,so' . ,a: "

burned and melted away in the depths of two ar-·e"a-'t'·, bla ck eyes just '8""S" mine had done The

0,1, -:····.':·,I'-,····[j':,· I.'.,' :, ' ...•........ , .. lLIL1I._~I:~ '1,\"'. '.,' .I~,., ... !.f~

h hi' 1 'Ii

.~ 'O'"g:t ,gav'e me GgOSO .:aUo:tt.

-1- .. ' t·, " ., ,_ .... :i!!I 't··, .. ,- - b - .. ' - :"d-'- - th '.' "t - C" ... -. . th .. -. "-.-. -', ,. d

.1 . set my paIR1_:.lng oeste [e u ' at UPQIIlIII e ,Jar ana

: ... , ...... :. ·:t and 11 .. ,:, ·'d-\l~···dl'· the :,,4., -t •... ,. ['",,'1 li'l .:,';:':."'. -1;""'" .:

wen. "R ~.. IUD :_',.' e I, I>. ,e CIJ.,arcoa·, 1ft my opmm-

brazier. . 'When, it· was 'burning well I set the' brazier down '~D front €Ie 'tile' two paintings. I

d --".'-, '.- C:.",-, whiff "'f'- ,.,:L· -..~, c ,'!Ii!. . - 'd' .. ~, the

I • rew a tew w .•. 11118 erme opium-prpe ,an,'· I, as, ;'. e

I II~~: I •

drug began to take effect, gazed steadily at the

pictures~ I felt that I had to concentrate my thouzhts and the nnlv thii that tabled - .. ~. t'l 'IUl:0ug'·.~', aD,. '."_.'. Ie [OH'y .: , .. 1D,g' '.~~La[~ ena .. 1 en Bl.e '::0

,...;11.0,-", S···.·'O··· and t·"'O··g'C··"hi-,,'iI~V'.IA tranquillity of mind were

U[.. [ __ . '_ - ": >' '~':," ,~, .~' ,""",' ... ' .'- .' ... , . c._'. ',/ .•..• : - '.:...~, ::_.., ,~__I, '.

the ethereal fumes [of' opium;

I smoked my w n ole stock. of opium, In the hope that the wonder-working drug would resolve the' problems th , at vexed me- draw aside the [curtain

J, <:_"'~.' .' _I.,,~ _: .~. _',.:, .. ~~ .. , 'C .:: • '_:. <. '., ., .. , - [~." .' ,'., '.,' ,' ,.': - .

that hung before. the ey~~,e of my mind and dispel

... " .. ' _. ,. _ \_ . ' ' ... ' - .. ' .,. ..'" 1- ~

•. ~_. • ~ I

I Ijl £" dl h iii I

my accurnutanon 01:' distant, as_~y memories._l

ill, d th '. iii, )-1 c. hi '!Ii' h 'I

attained ;- ·:-i.e sp[lrit'lla. state ror W'~.:...,~C·I. ,I, was

.,- ".' ·t·'·-~'· -'g' ._.". d I th iat t '" hishe ·r··· de .. ree th an 'I' h ad

wal. liD,." an. _, '., a.' _:0 a :' ),g .. I.··,,·:o.~~··· .- ::_ . , u:U,

iii d'M' tbl - .' d L 'b-tl

anticipatec .. ,C·Y'_Qughtsacqulre' tile subtlety

d d 0·' h I ill' f4' d

r" ::-. ";-' ..... - .-"., .... - ~. . .-:'.' ... '_. ..... '" ' .. ' .' ,- I" .... . •.. u ',' .. ~',,:' ,. '1 .' -.

an. _~ gran: aeur w; klC_, , on y opium. can con. er an - '

I s a n k-·: in to a conditio n·· b - et w' ... ee ·n·· sleep and coma

'_ .;. , , '. . ,. _ ~,,< U,~". ee- ',' ._ ',.,.,'. . Vi· _' .. ~ _ ,. [u, """l.:, ,1.,10.11 . ""

Then I telt as though a heavy weigb:t had been removed from my chest, as though the law of gravity had ceased to. exist for me and I soared

6- I' .1 .. f' . ~h ~. . h · h h d

, ree y III pur,slUl1t 0 .. '. my '1:' ·.O'U,gl,lts:, W ·~l.C~.~I:'!__,a,·~·_

grown ample" ingenio\lS and infinitely precise. A

.-: - .... .I'l. ' ,- ,-: . d·· 1 ' . d,"1 • " _, 'm[·:· 'b" '1····· d·, ,'1' '!ii' ~ - h,t', t" ",:,,"-.c.~'J .. , - "', . J. 1.0"'- • '. '-'.' :'[' •• ::" f' , .

prolOlun ... an. o. ln'l ,.Ia._,.e .·'e_I,g,l, I. 1.lft3A posses Sl 0111, OL

me·_ I ha,d. been "r,elease)d 'fro;m thee' bIU'l!d€7n ofl m,y' body·· Uy· 'wbo- e being.·~; 'was 'sinking.·~,~ inta-the' ,torp' .·.··OIF

. .:... ._., .... "~:' 'Ii .' .. ~. :,.' ;,-' '. . ',_\: i :,~,' '. ' ... ' I'~" . I .. .; _ .'" . '. ',.' ", -:-. ~.

eyes to which I had given burial there, b¥ the hill, at the' foot of the dead IC'Y,plres!, tree, beside the drv river-bed under the - blue ft' ,A'W·~'I ers of

. ~ [1 - ., '. ,". - .. ,-' ,'~ '0;1., .- ,- '. ,.", ':, ··.I..a 0,...:

morning glolry,ami[Q thick blood" amid 'maggots[ and foul creatureswhich were holding festival around her" whit ~ the plant-roots were a_ready reaching down to force their way into the' pupils

- - d-I ' 1w. fi"" rth I th '. ' .. "".I .. ~ ';--'

~":_ IS~~CA ,( ,0·'.-' '-1. . ...• eir jtuces=-tncse same eyes,

brimfJ1l of vigorous life, we e at that moment

.,

aa~··Z·'·,'I· D···g'. ·8,'·' m ·A·

ID: - ' .:... _'. . ." .,:, ' ',' .,.::;; ,iii'

,I had not ,Im,own that I 'was ill-starred and

accursed to such a degree as this, And yet at the same time the sense ofguilt that lurked in 'my ~nd Bllve rise to ~ st~ange, inexplicable feeling of comfort, I, realised that .I had an ancient

partner in sorrow. Was not that ancient painter who., .hundreds, perhaps thousands, of years ago"

had d ecerat ed tbi. e surfa ""e' '. n:f'" 'tho [.' , •... '.,.- - . tne

; __ ~:,a ,. "~}U" :_"",_",," .. ,.~ .. ':: ~ I.-~i~t.:', ~J'~~IS Jar my partner

m sor~olw? Had be' not undergone th.e: same spiritual experiences as I? Until ROW I had regarded myself' as the most ill-starred lof created beings, Now I understood. fol' a space that on thos~ hills". in the houses. of that rninec city of massive blnck, had once Jill'ed men whose bones

had Jeng since rotted ,away' and the atoms of'

- h' 'b di !O' h-I - h ' ~ i '

W;_OSeOIeB Img~l_t now pernaps be living

aDoth~,..life in the blue flowers of morning glory; and that among those men there had been one, an unJoeky painter~ an accursed painter, perb:aps an unsuccessful decorator of pen .. case c09£n, wb:o had b~en, ,a mail like' 'm,e',1 exactly' like m1e. And now 1 understood (it was all that I was

,AIIO[ -z'

each moment that passed I grew smaller and more like a child. Then suddenly my mind became blank and dark and it seemed to me that

. sl d h k ,ill h

I was suspended from a, s en : .er " .. 00,'" ID t ne

,I ',' _[,"":'-' ... .::,' .~ .. ' .. ~.~ :.: ,':' - - . _, .--'r' ' " '.1 - . . ":J . '", .' - .. -h····· 'k

shaft of a c ark wen. Then I broke free of the ..... OQ •..

and dropped through space. No obstacle inter ..

rupted my fall. I ~~ f!,lling .. into . ~Il .. • ~finite

ill' 1 ti tht A.,~ - ,- that a long

a~,!y~ss In an evenasung mgnr, Arter I~J'J_,~ '~. '~i '_;';: ..

. series of forgotten scenes flashed one after another before my eyes. I experienced a memen ... of utter:

'b'I'· '. '1.'~. I "., to nn '£ I e: '0'- d·· m vself

'O:,~,J,vton ~ IY:IJen (' eame to myse'" ,IOU. ' "" ,: 1"_ .. ,, .

in a small room and in a peculiar posture which

.d .. L ,I.

struck me as strange and at the sa,111'e, time

natural to me.

r b Ii • . Th )-d iii· h · ,L I

o vegeta .. re existence, ,~', ae war.· m w I'licil ~

fou'Dld lD¥Self was a tranquil world but one 'filled. with enchanted exquislte ~-'>m," ,0 and "I '·I·'''":··'u:-~''~·' [T-I h· ... ;-.

" _~.'-" .. '., ',.'_. ~_ , ,I _ "~'" A . ~'~ I,Qr_, r.1J ,an,.~-, co' _0:: Q., .len

the thread of' my th o'ug·~h·'ts· sn apped asunder and

_ __::_ _.: . I.~\. '. .'. _ ,_:' " :;' . ~-:- .,...J,. .~ _:../" .1' '. "._1 ...• , I-'"I~ I I .. 1..i;1U ~ll~ 'f) 11, I,' : I I': . ]1, ._

di ... II , d" - .. ,> id ~L -II . d' th sh I'

_ISS·Oi've·:. amu tne COlOUrs ana "~"·,le~I~,,a,pes.

- ... . ~,. _. - - -,' ,...l" < . b C--' 11'· "'h b

was Ilnm,ersei~ 1D a sea t ae waves 0, ". W: " ~. ,.C,'.!'i,::'e-'

stowed ethereal caresses upon me. I could hear my heart _ beating, could feel tile throbbing of my

t· [ f'· h- d iii

ar en;es. t was' a state (). existence er argea with

significance a': Did delight

,'.1 • - - _J - - '. '. I.J' I"]

From the bottom- of my heart I desired to

SUrrender myself te the sleep of oblivion. If only

'bI'· · .' bl- if iii, 1 -

or l.Vl0n 'were attama _'-', e, i'r' ,It Cd91U,d last forever,

if 'h 11 d ld zentl . :1- my eyes, as, t·~- . .'ey Close." COLl :'L gen,t,:i'Y transcend

"'1- "':" "-,.- d 'I d <:""",1" .. ' '!!i, ,t'" --. -.". be .. -·· -. and ~·h"· ld

11_,eep a.n _~ I ... ISSOlve· In,~cO nO'D- . ,elD,g an~. ,[s· .. ,ou, i,

lose conscio usaess of :my existence :fOF' all time. to'

"'£-' .' ·hl- £". bei ' ' ,

eeme, it' :It 'we,re PClSS.1".'i:e ior D1:)! .-::eing to dissolve

~' d f" k" ill b ~ '., . ill ill,

,I,D one .~ rop 'Oq; In·'·.,. I'D 10'D'C: ear of music, ID,IOD!e

:,',,-',,;~ ~"'f~' - -1 ,.C" -,- .' ··d" ," ·-·-'11· ,t'" '''C,' d· I th '. , .. --- th'" - , -.', - ,- '-, d'

r,ay 0, __ coioureo ,~I,g., anc tnen 1- ese waves aD!.

forms were to g~ow and ,grow 'to, such infinite size that in the end they faded and disappeared-« then I should have attained my desire,

Gradually a sensatien [of numbness took bold of me. It resembled a kind of af!Teea,ble weariness,

I" h d th II! .. ,.', • e-: '

_~ . ,a." , t· ,[e impressron that ,a C:'O~D'tl'DU!OUS[ succession

of. I , subtle waves was ClD an atinOt from my:': 00'· """d" 'Y'" Then I felt .~. though the 'cou~ of~y life had 'been reversed, On,e by one past. experiences, past :S' :'ta',' ~[ .. 0'" f:'" ,-::->-.~ . d ','.: "d--I .- bliterate ,...] los t . ~, ::- ,- ",.' ;-._-; . Jf':

I '.: '.;'~"Q' ~_, ':mln~·~ a,D~~, o." .. rteraeea, JOS~· memones 0,·

childhood recurre d to 'N' 1.. I' did I'

L!iIU.' .. ",I:~>' .I.'~::'./ I~,.a:-e'. , .. 1[':,' :me., ,:·O~ OD~y':.;_l. ~ see'·

'bl thi b '1 'k ,. th b tl f"by

t ' ese tn .ng,t ,;-ut _ tQO: ,~~ part .1ft .', I !e-. USi-~ e 01_ '\ ::' ._

'g'lron,e ·activi'ty'_::: was who-::llly· immers ... ed in lit"~ ,w,.'~··_]·:th:li:-

',_" ' ,_.. . _ '.' , '. [ . ._ .. __ .... . :_. ',: 11. ...... '.. .'. . ... : '; , .I. ". .' .'" _::.......J

41

43~"

,~. ,I ••

than the thought that the police would come and arrest me, In all.y case I had been expecting 'Cor' some time to, 'be arrested and had made up lOY'

- i!Ii' d" sho lid I th·-···- ., .' .. " .. - '. ,'" .. ' . '1- -'. d .-.-: .... ' - .... . __ .. J ,"['·.1'1 ... -f[:--

mm .. :t." :S,' "0[0.1'-,, tney come, to gu ,P nown a glass OJ

the poisoned wine wllich I kept on the top shelf IThI"l"e~"-s;)o':I'u' rce "':'c ofrn .y,,- excite m ~ ... ,-t- w, .r - .-a:;·" th c·' need to, write

, ~I. ,I: .. ~: _' l.I,_ '_ •.. ~. ~ •. I:"'__' • .; ... ',' ' •. ~.r .. '. ~.,:........:_~&.~.'.- . .:"~, .-' ,a . '-' -, . .', '._:~.' , ..... ' I ' __ ":_ '. ~ -_"', ','.,

hich --, '£.1 I" . - - kir d" . -r-' 'bI-' .c-.' ~ -:-. -. ,'IIi '.-- - .--.,' . ·d· '.' .. :

W, rcn ~_ ICJ-t as a,"ln", ~Oll 0 -;I,_l,g,atlon rnpose ... on,

me. I hoped by this means to expel the demon

h ~ ah h .. ' d }I - beer 1,-' _ ..... " ,::- t··' .. - ,---:-:" I' '1' '.' itals 400"

W . le,[ : I , '. '_J. I iong .. ~. een ' .. acle~ra'ln,g ,my VI, w&, LUi

vent onto paper' the horrors '01£ my mind. Finally,

hesi ill' '1 d h ""1-1)- d

,aft,e~' some ~esltatloln,., ,1. drew t_:~e' oi I-~ amp' tewar :8,

--- . '[ d b-I:;-.". ~'y < '.' as' I 8'.0'·· llows .,- ~,

m.e' ,aRc _~ e~g,all. " I .1':' .... ". I

I, 'k '. Id h ,~

, _ HEN awo se m a :n[f:'W world everytmng

that I found there was perfectly familial!' and near

tc '-. .' :.~: -:-'1 .- nch '~. '-". th --: .t = 'I[ "'~·I-[··t - - .. ,.' ",- If!& a," t·-, ·hl-. [0': -. "e i ~ I''''·t

,orne, so mu I., ,s,0 __ I;.~a.- ... l:e,_c tDor~ .' . .'. ,.,.,. ,- In :I~ ..

- iii " dil d

than. In my previous surroune mgs ann manner

.• • •• ~ ~1 I , ,', ," 1 • _-_ ~ I I J • • " ,I I,. ,_~ _. 1 _~ _

f Iif h·'" hi '. Iii d "'h- d b I

or ure, W'llC_:~, 50 it. seemed te m,e,_,.a,1 seen onry

the reflection of my real li'f:e:" It was a [diffe'ren' t

I _I~ .:...._" l' ,v- ',.~ .... I" ~_'~"" ~I .,: :.._!I.' [Wi ".' .. _' ,,:,._. I I _: ".' ....... J. '~" •• ':..._.,.

-:'. :- ~ld~l' b-' ( . ·ti• ([' "'1' ,' .. ' -, Ii,.. ,.. ,. ,"1 eh .__'_,_- 1: .. - t h 0':-' [--: :-',,: -. , : :!ii! tho I ':-"i ,'-.

wor,.· .. ,u~ r- on,e in ,slue I p1eFleci aarmony WI-_ me

that I felt as though I had retu rned to my

-;-, rtural :·-:!·-·····[.-·,'·, t- idir .. _,~.,-' I had b ._'_ . born '·····,··:·'·-···1·';··[···

,D.a u,ra su.rrOU.n._lngs,~ _. -, laic "een .. om a,galD lP, ,a

'-dc' hieh .. bui 'b' '" h . h

wor ... wmcr was ancient ""I'UI ·t,' 'W":7"l-ril at tne same

•••• ,'. ~ I '.' _'." I "'1 III •••. [. ". ._1. I lr~.· ' .... ,... ~'_'., .~_' ,~-: ",' -:_:. .. \;.;1'[ 1 '.' " , .. _:____,___:,' '. • ~

'ill I' d 1- th h-

time was ctosei ann more natura to me ~~~C an the

-h

on ier.

- -

It was 'still .. wrlight,., An oil-lamp was burning on a 100h-'rPl' f There was a:·11 be d 'UI' nr olle ·'d·~'* In th ··e··'

.. ~ .. ~. '. _.:_': IO,·~,_·~·___:·I.[. I'.' , ',.' '. . :~.: •• ~. '~.'i .'~.-' .. ", ,:.~[ '. -.' " ".~. . ~ .:.___. ' .

... ;,'. ':'.",.- ... (~-", ... .' f: the ' _-,,' ... ; ,-- .. -. 'b-I.,- rt 1- ".:-: ..... [., ':,' ..... ,,~.~, t, k ','-' -M··:i'.. b I'" odv

COiro,er o:_ .. , e toom, I_ .. JU --, was awae[., [,,[¥ ... 0. y

r.<l· bu .... 1·'- ~ .. --;; h .ot T·-h'·'··· "-'. .'." ... , ... - 'b·,I······ od , .. l·t-· . ~~i ;'~'[-. '. I' I-l"-'-:

telt aurmng ,_I~O._ ... I aere were I.", oousrams on my

c oak and 'scarf and m-~'~'y"'_' h an ds were covered witlt

"','~'[ • "".1 r..- : l>'. _,'~ "'1 .. I'J' .. ',_, J['I:', ~ __ .,",.,~' l·U,· y~" .-_ ~ ,~._.~,., ",I _. "~

hI" d B":~ rt '~- - .'. tii;t·· .. ·r-' r..- , ... ,.,-- d . -,·d- .di '.- .,-, 1- i 'x'-:;'p"-r' iIi' !~_: 100,:' '. ~ nn lD spite 0,: rever an .• ,g1. mmess . I. e~ ','~' 11-

.- _ .. ,. '.:, d i " , ;-'-'. ;- ,- '!' '.- -, ," :Iii - .:; t·· .:~-., . ., - .. d '.... ~ t··_] . -::- ~. r ._- .. ' ~. '. h :- '. h- 1~' '-'h-I ...

en,ce ~' .. a pee,D. Jar anImal-lo,n, an .. r,es,I .... cisne,s. W·· IC·"

'w··:'·:e~e stro'ng,' :"c-r than any< . hOlug· .- t 'I mig::,-h't have' bad

of;e~o~i~g' th~~ ~aces~ibio~d, '~Ol"~ p-~werfu1

:. 'ID, ,old Pemia, bedsteadw 'WftR riot used., "Ibl bed""I'OU {ma~t~J theel, piBOWJ an,_Ld q.uilt) wei :stowoo a,way in ,tbe' ,d·aytime. and, 'uma],lcd OD tie BOOr' at niSht.

4_4,

: _I

45

-on paper before 1--:- ·g···:-'o· the torments which have

v," ,:_.,~.. .:__. ..1!' . ,lI. ''\",;I' . 1:.-' ,'" :~,_ '" . -', - .. "I.~ _ ciiJ.!1 , ~_' ~"'" .,1_ . ,'~ '. '~-

1- .. - d 'I'ii!k-

.. ~. \" ,~;':, : .... :-:- ~·,·'~····ll ... '·".~.·., ~'- Ij'" .. j.I.,' .. ~., :"",.' :~""i '1-" --"1 .. ~-,_ .1 .•. ·:-= .. -' "') .· .. l~, 1,', ,.-,' '.

,5 (jW.~.y waste c_' me away nse gangrene or cancer

here in lIl·y,····· littl !.i roo m I T-'h-I'I·'I"I'·: 11·-8' the best m ean "8'-:-

1 ',' ~ J .. ", (._' ',.J, "'.,'. _.l~ ! ,',' . __ . ','. "J!"~. • •••• '- •• ', : •••• ,_.,_,' __ ""_ "" ',_

I have of brin,giBg order and regularity '::0.=0 ,my thou Ia.bl ..•• Is lilt,-· ft"Iiv intention to d raw up a last "Wl,III'I-l'l

.. :".: 11:)' I ;Ii.:a.. ..':', '." .1I .11-' r I .' . .- ',: - ~ 1.'J: -'_',. ,_ -._ _ ~,: _, ". '.__:_ I~,_, ,JJ,It..tD._': _.~: _

and testament '? By '0,0 means .. , I' have D'O property f('lf ... he State to devour, I" b. 1~1",J'e' no faith for th .'t/!Ii; e

, .. v, ,LIly"., '. '_ _ .",-,- .. _ .. I. .~'¥ - J .~- ,~, J J I~_ .. ,_, '. ~

Devil to' take M'" Icreover - -h-- at "8- the - £L-

_ .... ~,'.:; I '- .. '_' I~ --'~. • \~<'~:.Ili .. ~-· ', .. 1.'/.:, W "a _ !-·:'j·j,·'rie OlD iU:le

face of the earth that could have the slightest -'-"'1"" £;.'-:.-- '.- -I' P W"~-'h- '. t iI'.:·". I h ,- d I' have L llowed tc v,a ue· lor inC ,.,'. at lll'e. L~a, . cl -, 'lave a ~.owe, _,10"

. Ii! - " - I· .' . ~ -. ··t·t·· d" II' -, I· - - - ".-. .'. d ii' L ., .. --

Sp.I.1 away .. ~ perm) 'lle: It I even wantec 'It- LO g: 0

. '.-' --" ":': -:.' '" .. - ,._:_- ".".".--'.--" '.'" _.·--'·_····'1 -..:.': -

-,an,d after ,I have gone what do ,I care what

h - ... :." ,: ... ,'~ II' t ~'I . -11' th .... " " .' --.~ '.,~ '0' t .. _-0 - ••••• - - rh '. th . -'.' ..... . . ... -' .'

__ lappeD! 41' - -', IS a :., _-~,~e same I. -.0 me W . lei (Ier anyone

_" '. sd '.1 the "'-'-~'_-::-'-- ... '-J of ."<"-<-. :'-" - 1··-··- .. -···· .-;, .. , b ~'~',. d r- .. -.' . heth - ',': ,

rea _8 me scraps 0 paper ,. eave nenmc or WII,e ~·ci .er

th -.--:- .... - .. -.: .. ,!!I!I" , .... · .. sd -:/:". - .... '.-' '~',:. ad . dav I'Th-"'" - o. "1·-··

, ~!ey remam unreae lot ever an _, a- "ay ii' r ne onry

h · h k III," th d-

t~~ln:g t :;,at mazes me wrIte IS t ae neeo, the over

.. d ... 1 iii -

mastering nee .. ', ,at tms IIlQIRcnt more of,gent than

. ,-.-:. -' - it ,....... ... .. , l.L_, .~ .. ····,t- t·-· '--:-. 'eat - " ----h-' '-.' "- .. ' ·'1

ever I., was _ n u~ pas" .0 create a cr anne

between 'lIr'y'? thoug;: h ~ . ts a:' ad my r UI, 'OI.':_,·U: .b I stantial

.. '1"(1'-' . ,-- '- -' ,'_. h- . "-(1--' .:: - --- h -", -'- 'j.' I. ' .. '- 'h' 'd',~~ --'-- -hL~" ··h··- '-- '~i-'·-~·

se J '" m'y Sea I_O'W, tt at ·SlAlster s '~,a' OIW w, .~IC,·· at 'this

tr '·L d b I') iii! tit 11· h

moment ,1:9, stretched across, t,:',':e: war In 'I' e IJ,g:' rt

II .1

of' t he ,Q'::I'I-l.'··!D·- PI'-:" in th &A a-'- ttitu de c 'If~' ... ne studyi 'licng"~;-'

," :. '-' ._.I.~I, '_ ~.-." ... ", ' ... _~ :, "iU __ '_ ,'_ '_:_ r v---= '':'', [1 --!.~' 'I __ '. ' •.. ,' .:j..

. '. .-'

'. t-·-t .. L '. -:-··u- ,'~:., " 11;. -C-, ,-- d'- ~ d" .-: '.' .~. ". - -, ...• ,.,. - i '. -",··,··'h- . - ,: ,,;". :dl I '.1'-" , . ·• .. t·- '-' .

a :,-'en., ve.:y ·an·. r,~_leVlou_n,ng eae·11 wo;r·-, .- wn C'.

Tltis' ,ahaCl·ow Is:urely u'R.'derstand;~ bettler tba'o :-- do.

I'·' 1-' h- hi I '1'11 .. , I 'I Ii, h

- - t 1,1~ O'D, y-" to -' 1m ,t·~ ;at .' c·an ta: I. p:~~rop, ' .• ,e,r.: ,y\. • t .1'1 ' -e'

. .' 'I r . .: . -'

wll(t ,co:mpels me' to talk. Only' he is ,c,apab.le: or

l 'Ii H-" "1 d - d 1- .,

1:<,DoWlng m,c'. , ... e s'urciy uni·ersta,n~:_s .. ' Ii ~ 1.,( IS DIY'

·wish when 'I have p,~olurcld the J'. uic,e" rathe'r' the

....... ' , '. ,~I._. ~~~! " .. _ '~'., ~:.~ .. ' .. '_ .-,.,., ........ ," ._I, .. _ .. _:. .I, ... "'. _;-, . ~ :_::

'bl'·ttlA~ -., . or"·~· --- I""b 'd"ow.' -- lb'," .- pa- "'"hedtl ·t-h- --0- t

.. ~ .. "." J~~',.I~ Wln.e~<:··: my,II[~ '.-·~·"':·D i: .-,e '_<,:''..r~·,:-J '. II'r~a

.. £1' -, . " ""!L.. :·d·' .' --:-::<:' t'· :~. '-;-'--:1" t 'h,·'" '-T'h"- ;~-:-:I~' .. ,,- y .. ~ 'I~I~~ ,

0,1; my ·",:I.a,· .'OW" ,0 say 0 ",1m, ,- -.\' IS IS m .• e ~

Wh'- .; ... -. ,: .' . '.';-. - -::--~ .. ' .. ;', - · .. -··te-,·-_..il., I~-' -, ',-' ..... '., ,---:-" .. +,.:;.J\ '- :.' ··"k-I· .

_ ·oever saw m;e f'es '. :'Iuay ,saw a, was~eu". Si,e ·····Y

Y--oun17' 'ma'o- 'Todjay····:· h-'"e would see-' a 'be'nt old DIan

_. - .. ')0 '';'' -'" !' -,:_ :_"_ :_'... _:' : .• ~ ",_. L .', "'····l . _'. ~ '.~ .. 1 ''',c".:_:__ - .,' "f'.: ")! _'.' '

47

IV'

IT was always my opinion hat the best course

a:"· m:QL'n' .-: eould take in 1"I~G!e'-: W··:·iQ)S·· to re rna IlD'" silent:

. __ "_A._ .. "'" -_, ~ ,_:'__: . -, . .,1"- .'_ 1M I :.' ~I . ...!, .. -- ~ i3 1- .' -,

that OD'C could 'Riot Ids better than 'w-ithdr,a'w' into solitude like the' bitte·rn which spreads its 'wi,n,gs beside some Ion ,ely' lak~e ... But now 'I since that which should not have happened has happened, I' cannot help myself Who kn,o'ws,? Perhaps In the course of the next few moments, perhaps in an hour's time, a band of drunken Policemen will come to arrest me, I' have not the least deslre to

d- · • ,- .- '.'

save my carease, a,DI __ In any case It 'would, be quite

impossible for me to deny the' crime, even supposing that I cou ld remove the bloodstains, . But before ,:: fall ·int.o, tbe'ir' ha'-ds I ,s,hall s:wa low'

a .. -·· g,la's! fr;o~'~·m···I·': ,t-'·h.: 'e"~" b-~o,··-·:t---,t-ll!e~· 0-"-·(" WJ·-· .. ·i!!I'n· e~ m··· "y .. ' h--:-·e,-·'i!!Ilr-I-,Jo···o·- .. ··'m-····

'. . ~- I • ~ _ . __ .>~. '.' '. '. -- ~ _ . -' '" -- - '. _ . I . '. ". '., _ -._'. _ .. . _ , " . I. ". _. -- ".,..:.-' --. -.<= __ ,

which I keep OD the top shelf. ...

I wish :OrOW t10 squ'eez"e' out. ev,e'ry' dr,olp o,f,j'u,ice :(:bom Illy life ,as fr'om a cluster lof grapes, ,an.d to pour the Juice--the wine, rather~rop by drop, like ,w,ater of &ar;bala, * d,QWD th,e' ,p1avc"hefd thr'O&t of :m,y Sb aid ow .. AII that I .h,o.pe to ,do i'l to r,ecord

'.' T-b L,,,,,":_I pi;Jl>!1!ii f'~ th cn .... ~.... - -H- i! 'W--'" iii h- .• , L 11· ... li

.. , _·c U1IIAI&a ~ClC 0 ,.tl Quq = ' osem. 'a1m' in w;lt ... "(Wle:

,eartJh, hm. KarbaJa .bad been It,~·-. ·,··· ... 1. wallcmployed as, muUciDe'.

46

solid l' and the 'mOIl-tar' were to replIY", 'y,eS'~,. I' de not, kn,Qw' whether I sheuld take :its won:l lor DO,t.

Am I a being separate and apart· from the rest ,o:~'f' :'-~~~~j+~i~O--~"~ - :1-- --d__:_,-'"D '-II~'-O'!i~~~-~~~'~'~- B-:.·u~'t-- w.~~' 'I" 'l',i'oftk,ed:_"-

_-,- _' ~.,-~Mi!~_:_ .. ~~ .. It, '_ .J,_. ]'-t'"'_" ,_~ ~ \.{_. 1iII~~ .. , •. ~I. J" _,;'_ I', I •. II~ •• I" I ~I~. ~i._· _:

i:p,·t,o the RJinur ,8, mOBlmt ago I did, not :r«:egnise' tn,ysel[ No" the' old '1'" has ldied and roned aw,ay, but DO tt.ni,e~F:" D~O ,gul:f, emts be·t1veen, it and the new one,

,I m'ust" tell lD,y :IWry" b',at I aID ,nJot: IUR: atwh'sl poInt to start. Lire is notbiag but a fiction., a mere story. I must squeeze out the juice hmdl.e cluster of,gr:apes and peur 'it, spoonfiJI'by'-,spoonful, down

,.l--~ 'p. "~~h' ed 'lb': .···~AQ~ A1f·-' ':'~:;e: '"QI~rll ~':""i~"d-~' 0- '_.aiii" Ar _; w,:hr'ili'Jlii"t·,·lLa\.; ,,' "_::Il,~: .~ ~ -. '.,' __ .I. 'WM.L v __ : .U:J"JlO ..qBr~ gJm ___: ft,~ ,:., ~ _; .'.,1, 'M<

point shauld ), start '? All the th,Qughu, whj,ch are bu '. 'b' b II' J:~IlI' I' ;;'U--:- m'l iy-:-"-C brain B:,' t· _' ..,L:'~ m ·0-· '··Dl' ,p1I1-;'t·· LI_ .,."110.- 01 i g::- , .• 1'\

_ . .. ,I 0\,' .1, :" I I. .. _" __ ~ ,,' . ,I ,~_. ..__. ," 1U:_1tLIi· ... ~~. _:- '~'_"-, ~11, I~ ...... ' . ~L'-'

. . . . - ~

this, passip,g instant. and know' nothing '0£' hours,

minutes alld dates, }\n, inc~d,eftt !of 'yesterd'ay Dlay for m- ~-~ 1- ~,~rm 1,,;'an1ifi· -~ao--, .'( .. -t t~ ~P..D- - 'I" .... :L,~'D-· C!!Am:--· ',~,

. ,_ . ".,"" ~ ",",,0.0 " ~ '. ~.... "J _~ J.~","",~" ,', UJ,B ,JiJ'U" '""" ....

thin;g thai ,ba,ppened, a dIOUIa.Rld years ago.

Perh~ps 'folt 'title v'c'ry reason 'that ,all the bORds "I,1I.·'''h·- I'''c~h·· "r ....;'d'~ . m'- \~ :~\A. '·~I-' -W· : 0-1 d''- ,0-'-: f'··" 'li- ,. ",,.;: 'I1'ti'8' ''A!enp' ;1., b'l, a·~-;If'l;'e·

",_ . ' .. -~'- ,.ilr-l~'_, ,~~ ~ ~ UIlJi,.!. .. :._., '_ ,-'. , -cY&&,lJ,b r'¥- -' "'", , . .' .. ¥"-,

bee'u broken the memories of the past take shape before DIy e,es,. Past., future, hou'r" da~y',\ mouth,

y::A'g,;r ............... :t~·'b,;-,~p ~'\-l~D-;;OJI gr.- ~'Irll .Le··· -agl'l¥ll_' .'0'·' -m':- ·e-· ITh· .-'-,._ .' ~Q\I;, .. 1,,....iJI~ IW_' '-,bj!!! ....... ""'" I,," lLl.,.' ,gu..u .• ,.... ,1)." .__.'--'._I__:_,._., _,~

'L"'-""'n;'~o'u-:;~QJ p' hl"::~,,~ o··-,f,f·"ch·-:·I·ld-','h·-I----~ 3. ..• Rldi·~· ..,.a····ltu:-'·n·"'ii:,Iv, ....... e tn.:

"'R, " '.' - Jl .-. ''AiJ~ .. '. , ; ':._.' . _I. ,!(IItIIJ, . '.~"_ .~)I.;.iI!' _ . ~ .' ,_' I .• ,1 p.J,C I... I~

Irme D,olhin:1 'btl:! 'fD'Wle worde,., TIley 'D1,ean somethi_gc only' tOJ ordinary' ptql' c, tOI the rab;bl"e~

vas I th· '- ;';~I't" I~I· ''''~~e·· ~ •. tApjd· " I~ -Wi ;,011' 1~ .... l:"";:::~'g" . ,i"~F .............. ,,·kIA i.:abf 'b--·l-I~,

,,,,,,.'" .. ' .. - .'.' 1Id:1 . .' ""V.I,I .. " ' .... ,g,g .~'I_.~ ,[b; --u .. (~ a'u .~.I_,. .. ~J~

whose lives, 'Ii'lce the, year, :h.2lvC th"mr defi~niite. 'periods ,ao:ds,euoas aDd arc cast, ':m, the' telD;pera'te ZIOllle of' exis~m,ce,., 'BDt 01,' life 'has al'ways ,blown olQ,ly on,,: season aDd, one state of bein,I'., ,It is as

49

lth 'i'\.-.·~t-' h .. b . - t - . t -. e·'s _. d fil, h - l~ ~ W:I·, ... I·. 'W;J:ll"le ':-~al"; ournt-out 'CY:'-;' oao:_ a .1·~Larelllilll'p ..

I ,. ~ - ,", .-fj:- raid tc 'lA, 11,... ..... ,'~ -'t" .' -"r' th w Y.lii[j!'I!!!' ... d .,' -. -- " "r:: .. ,. c- ... - ;:;, - ..

am a rain -01 •• I~OIK, out or ~ __ e wme ,ow 0, mry room

)- k 'If '., th 'Ii f b

,',,' .-: "," ..... ~. '.'" ':':'.:' _' -_' .. -.~!. ,:-;:- ,-'J •• - 1-:- .' -'. ' .. ~ 11-' I .•. -:...[~ "0-: . y" ,-' 'I [.' if .• ~ .. _", ,",' r ' ,-1.·..-. ,'.1 .-' .... ~

lor to ,0·0 .. at myse; m ..... e rmrror ror everywr ere

'-I' -,- ,- - ~ , -,'.: t,--, ,.'. " --., L.;;::· ...l, = .. --J" -- '-l't· -:~ ,_, :6' ' .. ·d';' ,i; -- - d·'· I .. fil' I ~: -. t- . - ·I;-~ ( .

. seemy own~ s~la8:~w mu ',I"p~,. ,e,· .. In rer '0:11 ;e1 .y~1

H·· :., , ~ .' .. ;'IHr=,-.,"';, - . -~'d" -'r'- t -;:;.'~ ; -,~:;1:-1'~ -- ",:-ru' 'l:~. .._, ,~"

_ ~,oweJver, m or ae .'0' eXp~JLa]n ,IIIi UI-'C ILU ,1,IElry

stooping shadow I am oblieed '1;0 tell a: storv

-,,'. /'·--"_·-·'-··-':0 --~\.',. -'-._.' '-j ---.-. ---,1,1 .. 1, -t.-.I'~I-I··'b:->I .. -' --.'-- .. ".,- '.C-·_-·_'~7'i

U' h' 'H-· -, 'b - 'I I iill

0_. g, n: . now many stortes B bout rove, copu :R,tlfOh"

marriag e and death alre adv exist not one of

1" ·,,,-,_I_'·'-"·"--.-.t .. , I\-\~, c" -.'.",.-",_,1,",:1 I,.~.__ -, ... ,' .J' .- .... '~ .. ~-',' ,_,-.:-_.,_ "- __:__,I"c·' ' .. ,.

, - h ich 't,· ,.)] tb'·I_. tr ,- rh- tH-~'· . -. k I - - - - -f·':--'· ·1-')- ..

W, ,1111;, c. -e'.·_SI:-C~le I __ ~,U'·· .i,~ .. , "ow SIC\~, -' a:m 0' we~._:-c,oln-

C!!1,t-"'I"UC",-,tJ ed p--'II,oc~"J~1 a nd bl.···n·~'lili·Ii!!lg~'n-·-·'t·_ w-··.····'~i";:D-~'lT III

~ ...:111. __ , •.. 'V,.I . ," .. IL~. .,.<,'" - JL u,.. .. ···c .' ~,Ji.Q. 'b.

l shall try to squeez~ o;ot the juice from this cluster efgrap es [jut whether or "Dot the result

- .- - ~ ~ - -' . - ,it)' -, -- -.., - - ,,~- '- ,- - '. '- .. -" -' -."'.' .' -. - - -- '-- _'

:' '1-'1' 1- contain t- 'h·' -', ''''-,1-'·'·'· 'It- If,', t ' ..... -, It-,,,l_I'. Air' -. "t- c, ..:i..,1,.., I'~ d'·· -. ,.,

w:_ : ~ '::_ ,i_:.J.J.' _ ~JI ,,:,,,.'if! Sll,g_ic-~es,~ pa, LlJ&.I!I v. ! rUUl L.O

nOli' y.'.',,:~,t··' 11"::'0'" g. ';tA ... ~ 1-; d D···· n,~ kn "O~,j;'_'" "i"*~h-···i~'''' -I~ am ''41.' .... hls

, '. ': :.~. .". 'Tr Iii _:_. u - .~ ... -_ .• ,_,UJIi- . ~·~W-"· ."~ __ ,,,,&,;~ . ..~-_ I!_' . '!A!:irtIIJJ~ ';

m,Ctjlmreht whether 'the' patch of sky~ above m'y~'

! ',,' . " __ . _.I' • .',.: 'L .. ',.' :___ t: " .. _:_-, _, '_ .. _' • c,. ," . ~ • ~, ,J. ',.' ',:__,. '~~.:____: ;_, __ <." ' _,1, 1:-'. ~ ~ " '>, I , " , ,>'

head and these few spans of ground on, 'wihich I am sittl'Og bel 0:0, g' to Nisu,a,pur Ofr' to B:alkh * or '10' Benares, I 'feei,lu:re ef ,not~hiu,g in, the world,

I have seen 80 ma DY·'·: eontradictorv 41':,L'lin·trtA a ¥ti,'"

'__ ~._, - __ - ' • ';- I' '-!I,.,;!-.'_:", c_·' _."", _ __< ., .-' ,--'_ ,1_._,;! 1,,,",,,' .,t"', 1 IU." c_ -,t)1Iio!I' ...:_ .I1.1.tJ.

baYf!, be'ar,d so mJlflY wp,rdll of' difIe,rent I,OJ1l,! my e'w-e,s, h:a,ve: se~cn, 'B,O much D'if th,(I! W'Oltntiilout iu,Jace

,I.' . '" > • I :~j

-··f~- '-c,.,: c·'. ".-'. ··,\b,,··-···,-·t·· th--····· 4@LiIi-~ t·",_·, . h!i_"'c-~dl L-h· -"d·

IQ., var,lous o_-,~eC'.-SI--"'." ,e: ull~, .110U8',I'" no:'. ~C'In"

.' \L ~ ·'h th·····,· ." .,,'i ···l·\"t'~' ,~"." b·,1! Ad' ,,-- ;lIi,,'L: - 't·· n··'-, -, I'· b·I,=:. "'-,-

Wl':1l1CI '_I :_! :~' sn.lrl lS, .-Iuv eD-lula .' I :cOIW .' ·eDCf1le'

".,O·-: .... ~l"~ .... 9' . A·-,·:tY Jt-~~Ij O" .. '--.-e·· ? .. ~ I:---'--in i~-'--lle'D· "'t'" l' A 0-"- I 'b- :··t .,:"Lp.

,-;Jj. ,_ 1.£1, ""',o.,~ ._ '- .. ··_-11_ ~ v.-,ry m,uUl·: c,. -, ' . W'-,tI, "\.. 'Ul~

.. . f- . ·'L:'I . 'I~.JI . L,j I" d' b' l'

eX:lsten,ce, 0__ tangllJ~,e:, so, ,]ltI! 't1~llDgS" . .'-_ O'U, '!t ICJ;ear '(

Rlan:ifest truths,_ I'f I' were 'to; s'trik,e m'y hand, ,against

th·, c'to· '·"n~' ''m'"&A'r,t-~a''''' ,·th,: -'C'. a·· t-' 's,t,"a···· -I ·d:..:'o ;;:-7' ·th:· -~ ., .. -",.",.,-; .. --_. - .. r-· ··--f~'·-~·:.-- -,--;, __ J"" ~ _ ,..: ' __ '~ ,~. ~VJV_:"". I, 1'.0 '- _, ~.11l ,\~, ~.D I '; ,CL CQ,rac_ 0 _ our

IC1o,u:rty'ard ,a'nd, w@·re t,o as,k, it, ',Ate'V;oa real ,a'otl

able to ·d,'is;pel. these 'deose'J clinging, :s,t.a,gnant odours: the smell of sweat the smell elf by-gone illnes:Bes, the smell of people's mouths the smell of feet, the acrid smell of' urine, the smell (I,f rancid oil, the smell of decayed straw matting, the smell of burnt omelettes, the smell Olr "fried onions, the, SIDell 'air' medicines" the smell of' mallow, the smell or'd'iny'DA,pki,n;s',L tbe smell which 'you, find in the :reD'ms of. bOfiSl ,lately arrived at puberty, the vapours which have s-eeped in from the s~t and .the smells of the dead and dying~ All. of these odours are ,still alive and have kept their In,d,ivid,Qlaliity~. There are, besides, m1any other smells of ullkn,owft, ,origins which, have left their traces there,

Dpenin,g loffmy room is a dark-closet, The roem itself has two w'indows facing' O"Dt onte the werld ,of the rah'ble~, One: Olr them loolks· Dat[e our OW,n [c' -'0'" urt y~-·-a·-;-''P.id:-',-':Le-- o· ... her g-:-:' nto ,t' ·b-" . e' -. stre -,e-~It" fo "rm-·-' nin I •

. '.' - IU,,-.- .'; , .·.~:i ',,' UJ·· .. ···lLJI~ .. , :'.1;1 . - . '.'_,_i --, '~'U'~ '. ""._" I,t - I. : I, - -' " ,D

there ". a link between me and the city of Rev, tbe ,city which they' eall the 'Bride of the World', with its .theusand-fold web of' 'win d-i a,g. s:treetl" ·its host efsquat houses, its, schools and its earavan .. serais, The Idty which is aeceunted the greatest ei,ty-' in the werld is,- b~eathift~ aad l'i,Yin:,,' i.ts life,

I III! ~:~

there beY(JD,ld my rcom .. W,h,c:n, .1 close m:y' e:y;es

here In 'm,y ,li~tl[e room the va,gue". 'blurred 'sbladows, ofthe city (of~whiGh, my mind is at all ~tiines.,aw~a~e, whether cODsciouslyor not) ·all take substantial fOlf,m and rile 'befo]}f!: me in the Iba,pe' of pavilions" mo,squets and gardens.

IThese two 'windows are my li:nks wi:th 'the

,51

tc L,II!, ,,' ,'~ to' :-', ", ,.- H" -'" - .. ' ., ,.- h .' ··'1 ",'," '" ,",'." he dei ~ '.- ':

·0 .,nll CQS,:.,~ mers, _ ~ ow mue _ ,:peasurc ne [J:cn,v,es

11 Il fh .. '·'1 _Ii' dth

rft,m' :,~ a',::" 'I" 'e,··Ole'-· operations ~ , a'::"m-', convinced . "I at

~ ..... t·· ------l ,_.-._ •••.•• ~ •• : .~. I; ·_,_I.·_. u' • _.-, _". . _ .. 1 . ~. ":1 I. _ 'I,_·J· " __ .. ',.c. '.

t· h :-,., :-. - ',' .-.-:-: -,' "', hin th :' , '~[ ,[··,;t '-. -"1-' -:;:~ t"·· ". -,- .(. -', ::-, ':-1'. ,'.- .-. .', . ",' .,.

I. :ey give lID.. I.e m:OI., exquisi .. e p .easure, even

. -

d""I,Ii, ,elt' 't;_, E"·· ,'. ,,"-,' ,,'.:'., " .. ,'., .. ,. "C'. 't'h:-""'~" t~:'-,· th .,-, th: '·:·k

!C.' igl J 1,1.- ,_',v,ery ~110,rnln,g ,a,1i. .. , [,S' ,lm'e , fe' '_ lC··~~

n ecked vellow doewh ich h-! ·'~CI· mad AI AU'r' distriet h 'I-'ii!

'''''''<: ...... ,~ r :i~'-' ,,-' "i'.I'e--'._L- ,-_ I IDa ,.:,,1 II ... : .,.1 ,JEi" Ul" , ,_' .11,..1.', ,Ii,.,,: I J,j 0'

'" ,:': """"'--11'-" 'j'[:. t·",h··· ,,"".,-', r: .. ,'-,.:.'t"·d':I- .. the bt tch . , __ ,"'" she '-' 'H""':·-

preserve ,lS, ,_~eFe oUSI __ e ',,:JC ',_U: .. C .er s s ,OP'. :" ,II,

head .~,,',-, "'['. "") . ~·d'l' b'l, _-' ['·;······';-'8: r-~'gc'r-",-:;, .... ·~I<~ ,11·,·-·· with I~ his

near on one 51 e, .!I e g,az,e-, I: a , · .. reuui y wun- .IIS

Innocent e,y-.-:es, at the butcher's, hand, That dog

-. r I

. .

'.'11118' ".-- d~' I - -, -t·, --: nds H" -", -' II ",' 1: ... _- c- ,'L,. ,t' ,t' h'· "", 'b-~' "t,· "b-- , .. '

agO un ers ail,. 'I., ' ae a so ,M'IOWSila',~I'e .. U ,C aer

e~~joys his work,

A fi,,~t·t··'II;-, £'.. .. rth 1-' ""." :---:":'-:-:-' rd 2,_., :-:-,-' .arch " .. _:."",., '," strar ,-",,

_,-,,' me run ·er awa.y unc er an arc ,.lw·a,yas,.~,,~D.IC

old man is :sit.tin,g 'with an assortment of wares

," "'--:""~:'I'd'I"- our ! ,ll·., n of him '~' ">~--;,'. -:L,···,·t

Ip,~ea!:_._ OU, ID, rron .. 0" .lm on a canvas ,'J.v.I~,I:ee.L.

eThI '-. ,. 11i""'·']:I'1 d·-1- 'a "~'-kl-'I-" .: .. ,' h r-' ': .... ' ,"hl, .' .. ". . ... :., rted

, . I ley IDle UI ... Ie·,. ',SI.:c'e" tWO .' .917Be-s~ ,oes, assorLe".

·,····,··,1 .,_._. -, 'd- b .-", , . .....l'.~- ."" . ,'- .. ',,- .'c;"' b·1.· d led 'I,:;-, __ .'ii/:"., '-"'" 't·, t'I" .,' '-,

co ourea L eaas, a ",on,g'· .. ia eo cmre, a rat-trap,

a rusty' pair of to'D/p"·· p-art ora writing. I' -set a gap-

: ~'.-~.'- 'IJ,,· :_____~~-~.~' "'_:'.[ ,._.\.>: r.,'" ,1'.-.-_', ... :' .... ~.-.~--- ~._·I _ ..•• <,. ib\,",-:__-r-

"" - ·· .... L ·d'i '. L- - ad 'I .. -_. d '. 'II. . d .,.. - ..

tootne .", IC,Q'mltl" a spa ,~', Ie;, an~:!" a ,g,--,az,e .. , Jar. DVJe;r'

:--, ·-h· ,-', : 'h",· 'h" ',', h-': I", th 'y". ," .:-- d '~:I ro' ·hl,." adke " 'hc'! ,:'G- I

w. Ie· I.. ,_,e J as l:l,f:OWO ,a, ,. lr~,1'--' an . ,,~~erc_ ~J~I". '

have -w" 'a- tehed him from behind my window £:'0"

1.1 .-'[.-"'" •. ...,;__'~:,>_ _ .. - I,i.:~.... , '." ,I i'l[ J,:...:....""_I)_' ... ,.,('.'I,,

days, hours and months, He' alwavs wears a

• - J' '-[_',' ':, "I". t.·.· ~. '; ... ,_...~'_ I r '11 I', . ·1,· •• , [.... .... : .. , :-.' _'-,_._, _ .... "_ ',1-' _ " ' ",. J"_ '_:.

di t, - "I'!Ii.,,.,,r , "lh-' '.,' ,- - I ' - kl- , ~. d , . ,', - hirt

I _IF:'I SC~I,;, a ,S(i.U;stC'f ~"o,a,,' an - am, open S,~Ll:,-

from .. ', wh ieh p" r 0" trude the W'-'h'l'~·"e' hairs 'Bft'l h is ph' est

IJ,,' " " J '.1 I.__:__,,_:, :_;' '1_, _. , ._' _ "'"', . I,[t;;. 0',' .. ,LJ',,~ ,~_ :. 'V'I" I. ~,I .' """:~ "' ... <.

H' -. ha · - - fl" .,,' ' .. '. d . , -. '1'" d . -h' .'. h . . " e . ',,' . -'.' ('1-'

e .! as mnamen eye 1[, S wmon are a,p,pare'D, __ Y

being eaten aw,ay by 'some:' stnhbom, obtrusive

. ...J~- :-1 .. ' . "., '"6.···· o· "",', .,"-:-.; t'; I~I.", ... ,- .. ~ .'.-,,-,--" tied :t '. h-I ,. ,I .:.-- 'I~" , .. nd

aIse,ase.. ·,.e wear,s, a, .,8 <llman, ,Jew. ·,0,· ,lS arm an, _ .

h '. - .... '1 ,-, " ~', ,,,jts:-' ,., , th '-', ,-.:-, .-",-, '-, ."', .. ', :t~- : ".,', [0" ":'" ',,', Th" rsda --

I, e away[s IJ "_" 1:0 I:, Ie [s,am,e' pos,-ure .. ,~ ,.n ",,\;Irs .. ay

Ii'h d I df 'K': u

evenings ,: ae reans ao,u~ ,rom t,',e, ,.~,O:~lan" r'e'vea '~g

b~·· 'II' _ - .. .!,' "'h'[- . h' d'i... . 0"", ". " ,iii', ht', , IS, ye, [I:OIW;, gappy te'e't,,_, ,as ,'e' ;_~,oes, ;so., .'. ,I'R,'e 1D1,g~i, I~

s:u'p~,lpose tltat h:e earnleld his living, -.' by 'this Ko'ran,~

I I· .

diilc £!,' 'I h b

r,e'a .1ng>~'"o IOlf,~ ,I 'I,&,ve :n,ever seen, an,yc,:[o,oe ,--,u,y'.' aBy,I',.'i!i!1

.. , _l' [ 1

th-" . .l!" -,.,', h-'~ - 1',·"',····· ' .. '.' ~i .n . ," -. t·· 'hl- ... "t lb'" ,.- ---'.. - ."1,

'I.ID.g lrO.m. " )'m"!11 .- t s,eelftl Wi m,e J ~a I .. ".!, ·1:9, .ll1lan, ~

faCie' has :figu:red .in 'mos'l '01£ my nightma,~es. W,hat

53',.'

?" '/

eras' s o' :··b' '. 's" tin . ate id e ·as::-···' h' ,.' .','I.r:., 'gr'1'O'-: \I.""'" il' IIp- - w-,· . ··e·· ·e· ~ --)·I·'k' . e'

I ,'. .., '_" 1._ .';; .,. - '_~ ,_' _:_~ .I,_l.. I ,,: . "y."I~1 ~.: .·.·n &,& )'"4 ';.:t '." ,_~U~· . ",._"

ins Ide ·thi - at sh - ave"n zreenish skull - der 1""8

' .. :,' ,-,.~'~ '.I:" ,". ,~.~.":.,'_~, Ib~"'-~' .~::I.1 :~l:' ' __ , l:I,n:, 1:~': - ,:IL,"

-m .. · .. ib roidered tu .... b an""" behind that 'I-IO"'W''-- forehea ·d·,,1 irJ

"-'._: 1,1.> ... ",~.t~. ,.:_. ".Il.,_:~ , [.', :_, .. '. »1._\- .1. , :lyl.l,1 .. _ ,~' , .. ~I. 't.

0- I" .', feels th at th -, ".'>"".,:' , ,.'.,' ·'·h·' :t, ,~",- fi-"- .. ' . ·t· ·,'~"th,:I .. '.' .' 'l~ ne lee '. II ..• ,a. ., ie canvas, s.· eet In tron 01 ~: .e 10,11.1,

man with its assortment of odd' sand ends has

. " ': " " "._ . ,'.',' " ' __ .' - .:\,' ''',1..,.,' .", I .. '_ . ...:'- '. . 1,_, > ,._: """.-;, ";.'- •• ,

.' .leI ,jI' ..,.'L It'r. C· 'L<-i Id' I

seme cuneus alllDity to me . ,t'le ot nte ()~~ ~. man

hit ,".' ~I~' MI .. ' . -". ,"-, th .. " ...... '.' ,..... '1 ha '.:- .-.- ...... ad "-, .', -," ;. ,,,- .--"

ImS.Cn. ~ .. ': ·.orlt: .... ,an once _. ,_ ~a,ve mal '.' .,e, D,P my

'. .' : - . -- . ~ "

mind to, go up and exchange a word with him er

buv '.1 ... - ...... ,-, thi [~ . £:-" . hi .. 1 ,,'.,'. )'1::. -;: .. : :-'''.- b -_- ... :. rt I h ,'-:'J , ..... I.' et

D,Y sornet .. Ilng-tram, ,1S c,o .. ecuon, .-.u·~ . ,~,ave ,DD.;

found the co ura ge "t .. o d 0" so

I"·· 'U ',,', ,', _. ,' .. ' '1 ' ~',~·."v .~,._ .. I , oj· .' .. :'.'

According *0-' m 'I'Y'" nurse, the old II man was, a

< • • :,.'. ~ • _.~ ,_.. I _ ~ ~ _ . 'J It.;,.) r AI ,_. , _. ,) ~. - -, - l _ 1 ;. _. 1" '." _ _ __,. _: .. '_. .'

cotter '!.- 'h~" '!:·.I ... ,"'.-,:-' ,.:" ·i·· d'l, ~.~., ,A.ct:·~·_, .. , I' ;'~ ... ,.~.-,' .. - ths t

po . ter ID _I yOlu-ager '.1 ,a ~'.! Arter givmg up J ,a I .•

trade he kept only this one Jar ft)r himself' and

L, d hi I'" '" b d d-'11,'1!

now I,re: earnen Li' ts rvmg II-;:y' :pe 2_::-:~ll __ ,g'.,

Th ese W'·' e r -'e" m 'y' :'. 11-!I'in'I'l~I""k Wl·· ,-:!' .... ~ th '-.: 'Ie:-' o ',U· ~"JI!III'I'·d·~j :_, W·':-:O- rli d I

- , .. ~ .' ..... ' '.1 __ .'~l.. . '_'; 1.,.A!ii . ,.0'1 ._:_. __ y .•.. - .,': .: ... I~ ~~ ':'.' ,,· .• t.· :.- .4!!'

Of my' private world all that 'was '~'eirt to me were' m,y-·.· nu rse a nd my bitch of a wife'. B . t Nan' ·iIlY· .,: was

.. _.' I J J _l _' _ • ...-- _ .. . _ _ . _. _ .. I I ""'r' • _ _' _ II _ .. _ . _ '. ...

r • '_ .' ~'

her 'DU' rae too; she 'W- vas nurse to ~ b oth o-"f"'~' us, My··'"

I' -.' " i'·r- I ~ _. .-';, 'I ',.1,. _- .... :, ".1 • .1 " ' .. ':'_.1 _." :'. _.' .1 -. \. ,I ... I'I! ... ".J '.' .,'

W- -'lit.t;_, and 'I' were 'D': ot ,0"',o-II'!'y closely related but

1[~ I"._~", , r- •. :.'~l "1',:' "..__:._._:. ._r.,. __ :.~-._~. ~~;~ ':'_(;.1LJ-:l~··1 : __ '_'_

kled h 'b N H th

, 'J'-~L' [-.,'-1 '-:'1 ""'""'.'J .- .... - ',,'1 -I',- t • -·,.-~I . - .... ,.!. . .... ,-'_ ~ .. '. '~. '; i.'" " 1:-.:-,,' ,,-,_. -:-" ,-,--,

were sue en tloge.tllery L, .. anny, :11 er motner

,-, ~ ,. '. ." . - .)- ') ....' i, _.. .. '., , - - d -. -. .' . .' . iii """ ',,' -. b . . I' ~ .-

w:as[ to, a._ I ~Dte'nts an ~_ purposes mine too necause

I neve I'" 's···I·a"IW~"·-":- my paren ts but W';···'.·'·S· b eo 'ug; 'h:'t· U"P-' 'b"'Y

, ,J" .. , ',," .-, ,,', '. . ",1 <. ~.,::. ,,1;;.1.-.: .. ~ ,.~.I. . . -:. _. I '.~ '. L .. _'_"'~."': I~'~ ~ . ",

he - ···th' ,; -:~, . 't- ..;····L)·)· .. ,..., '.', -h . [iiI . .d -:-!,. ,~. -'-". ,'l"·, ')- .'," . ved

ner 010~· ,er, a tar 'I g;rey ,alre~., woman. " roveo

h er gi'." m uch 'as"-;l:~' "'!I! s·~'h'-:1'e" had been m .... y'. real mother,

__ " . ...:., AiI' .' '.' '. ,.,_:. '_" _._ " ·I~ _" ':' '. ' ", ,I" "," ',_' .. _'.' .' ", , .. ,.' a',,",'. _.. _', ,U '_;'_"'_'

a-n:'d-I ~La"t 'w"as-" ·th':-j·• 'r·e:··g;C!I!AR' w--:'-h::-'Y-'- )- ma--,-,-,,·-::p'n--'II'e·-·,d·· L ...

v' .~. I UI"~_:, . ,,~_,;' '.'. ,'" . ' , .. ",' . I \". '. '_ ,,' _ _"_ ,~~>_,..: _ ,_) .. [ . ' ,f.l~, •.

d- a"·' U·I. Ig. :·,~t·.e·--;r~' .

. ,' , "., ;I~I,; . - .1

I have beard ,se~'er,al ,d.~,fFerentaoc,o,unts, ,of m~1

II'

Cather' an,d, 'moth,'er. Only one of'tnc'm''li the one

N' , 'I .' '. b Th' .c- III .'

'. ' • ,.". . • ' :. • ~~ -,' ~. " ~ ~ .' . 1...··'". I . ' '.'. "[' 'I • - ,:-:' ,'1 ::" _', ' ~ - ~ • .' ~ 1 ' .. ':- r I - .~.

anDY ga~e m,e" can, lDlaglne~;, .·.,e trule, •.. ' ,II, lSI

'what ,Nanny to'td mle~ ,~:

'M' ~ h d 'I !I' T- '''rh-

I' :,.,:·:Y lat _ _::'er an'., my unc Ie' wlere t-wlDS,., ',', tel'

rese:mbled leach o,ther exactl,y in 'igu:r,e" face and

S,A

, ~

.' A thnl~SltriQpd iDltnDDeD,( n:aernbl~PB ,R: m.nd,l"liiDe'~,

56

591

I g,rew up In, the :Ca,mily of 'my aunt the tail woman with the grey' hair around her temples, .:in, the same house .as the bitch, her daughter.

Ever since I can remember I looked upon .. y

aunt as' a mother and 110- . 'dl h er dee -I 1"( d

~ J.J)H. i~;: ;,:' ,','L'< 1_ ...... :, ~L.I~U ,,·-.'ve ,~, ,~:_. ,0,," I, ep·y. ,_, ,_D"ve.

her sodeeply that tater-en ,I married her daughter

l!.. ., ,j 1 b L'I . k '·'k

m'Y tester-sister, simp yuecause sne loo',e:.'I~· ,1_, ce

her,

O,r rather 'I ,I was forced to marry' her. She gave herself to me only onee. I' shall never fOnJet ,it., It happened 'by the bedside of her dead mother.

L '.' 'h A.~ L. d b d

ate 'at Rig: rt, 'atter everyone 1,1-[(1,:, ,gone' to 1-'..fC, "

I got u,p in, Rty nigh,ts,hi.rt and drawers and went

1"'I1,··tO' the dead 'W-' -'o"m~~a-''i'i'II's~' roo .. om to 's'ay'" goodbye to

1111.1._ '~. ,I"", ·,··<_tl".··'.'. ,,,1', . .1.:01. ;,~, ,_,." .. _....c..c.y' :,~" ,:'.~,'-' '_,_ ',,:,.:, I,IJ,

her' for' the last time. Two camphor candles 'were burning at her head. A ~or,a'n had been laid, on her stomach to prevent the Devil from ent.ering' her body, 'I drew ~b,a,ck the sheet which covered

her and saw :my 'a,un,t again, with, her dignified "

P 1!A3S' "a" mt fa ce from .' w~,,:1L,...·l~c·h'·,· it se emed a ~III tr aces

~'""' •. t ,.'.!. . l~, 0: c.', .1..1 I ',-....c .1:J... ,1 ':, .111. ,,' '-.~JlIiI,J!~::.-", '. I I I.I,:,~_

gf earthly concerns had been effaced, S:h"e' wore an expression before which I involull·tarily bowed my head and at the same time I felt that d,eat-' was' a 'n,Q,rmal, natural ,tbillg,. The' corners ID,f her

lips were fRed in a faintly 'ironical smile. I was about to kiss her hand and go out W' ren tUl'F,ning my he~, I sawwidta st~rt'~thatthe bit~h ~ho Is DO'W m.y wife! had come into the room .. ' "here in

the Pl'- resenoe of her' dead mother' she nressed her-

~ r

SAIl' hard ago ain st "." L· Id m ~ C'IO'S):iI! 4;'0' d kissed --"-.-

,"",II 1," .I1q, -1_ ,c,_. )',;' 1': J~ me, .ll\l,e,_~ I~ '1,'.11 ..... ' e,~I! '0. 'U ,Ui .,1, .• ',___,-,.,' ,It:;, me'

lo,ng and passionately on the lips". I could, have: sunk into the; ground with shame hut ,-' had 'DO,t

60

montb:' ii, Sihe would not let mel come near he,1 burt put out tile light and lay down to sleep oa the other ,-~~- ofthe f"O""'O'-"-Dl' c'-:- :-"'m" m '-- 'S,:I"h'A' ,-,~ D tremblir '", 0, _. ' ,er ,SI'ye V,_, U:J.< ,c' '_, ~,,',--,~, I'ra ~,J,--, '" e~1 j ,,', ,.,.;. w:a~1 I" el\,IJ;,~ ,'_ " lD,g

like a willow-tree. Anyone migllt have thougbt

sh had been I sh t' 'Ii"", '-"-;' "'~ du ~ ~'I!""-' ,- ::.-"""j"t-'h'-' ;-," d:I"I-;'~'

,I~~'C aat een S'" 0,1. up m a, ,1- ungeon WI I." a ",ra,g:oQ.

I shall p'ro:ba,bl'y' DIQ't be' believed .. -an,d indeed the

th- ,'iI!i', ',' , ".', ' ,'-,-' - "bel' . -f"'" - 'bl. .. -1'·", , "h-I. -. sh ~ d 'id "",'

' 'I"R'II" p' '~i\iI!~d1'CI .' - II.' ·~w· >.- en'" S'.·" Y"':' t, at " ,"""', "1'<' 'nIO' t

~ - - '~61 - 1A;i:JQi~ii;J' ,-'. ~, ' ~,_' ": ,I, '<~, , ' _ ,Q. , I. ,~ .' _,', lL.I.,

'II to ki h 'h II'·

," ' ••• -_ .. : ...• - ..• -. Y.:. ,-.", i.: 1"- ~ ' ..• '~ :.' .-', _" ," .,,", _,"_. - .. -;-" "'_ ~.'. "0'1 'r _."ii"!,.l

once ,8 ,ow me to ,~·· .. I IS , _er O'D t~1 e mpiS\i1

The ne,X.t nigb:tabo I slept on the floor as I bad done the night before, and similarly on the

n'I~'Jtzr~ot: ,t",b- a t'-, ';'0·,11 I'o·-::'W···';I~..J' I eo u Id n tot wo :'r-k" u-:-"p-" t-LI-

, ' Ibl~1 , _.' - -' I:I,,·.:.:_ '- ~u,., -' ~., .. ,' .~' ,'- ". .' ',..,' ,'.' " ,~,I~Il,,",,

tod hi ,. I A' d 'iI!d-

courage to ,-,0 B:Dyf,',I,ng e sec. An --' so a consider-

able perio d went :b"Y durin g' 'W'·: -:;,h-;':I'!/f"t;:b· '1"S-11~'p",t=' en th e

CiI!, ". :," i'_: .11.. 11.,_" , '."'~" I .. , 1_,' P 'U, " :' .,.:>, ",I~:___,_ .- ·"I.;;,~ '" .', I • __ , ';.'_

fl- - ',,' ,- " th , " , th " . ide of ;j..,L.,-, \ --, '. , " , , ,~ '" ,-' "", -, ,,'Ii.L:!'

, DOI,r,o'D '-, e other Slu:C: On. iLL,e room rrom m,y wne.

'w' ,,' h,' , , " "'~' Id'l h ,,- 'I''''· . ,,','. .". iJil c"_>'_" '-., ,'-, " , ',' ',- , th - ,- - .' . ~',.

',', .. ',;0 WO,D ...• I ~ ~e _Jev,e, It ,i ,- .• ' 'Dr t,WD ,mO:D t v :1, ~n,o" lor

,'-:- '-".', ", ''"'" " ·th,--:-" -, ", d .c.';-:",: .. , . ..J!,-"., I' IT. - . t .-,', ',' t £:_" '.~-

. ~WQ' m,ODI. ',8, ana ,1~Dur,u,~y,s, I is _e~pl', ,a,p"ar, 1:Jr.iOm,

h -r,_' I, -.: - t- 'b' .-e· , 0',- .. '.' •... ~ -, ,d ,_. ,; tld ,,': '. '" ,t, "1,:- ,; :1." 'I' ,- th . -", j" '-~c ,':O-='_

, e, o·n, I .. I, ".... ,oor an,.:._ ~ou .' n,o, wor. up __ Le e:ou;r~,ge

't"-IO':" po" "m' :', ,'I 'Le·· near her

• " __ ~ ~: : ~A~" "I .&:-tl~. - .. I :_ ~,~[ rjll

ili~l' h d-' ell h IjjJ 11 i ,-' 'b ,-

~he-a .. pr;epare ... , ,ller Vlrgtnlty token ·.efore-

ha·.:: 'D, __ '"d',· , I ..J"O''-:ID,''ti' k' '0" '0"'-, "w'~·'-p.·-:· -r"'hl 'a·' p-~:e ~hl'#:iII h-~ g~1 [C!ip~'-::i'n,:"'-"''t'l' -jd~'

, ,~ '-<' ',,1', tI, ~ ~ - ' , ',' _ " ._'''''' '-- .., " . I' lal "JI! . ,,.,. "I .Q.U 'Q.I~ "' __

I' " •. I]

the cloth with the bleod of a; .partridge or perhaps

it was a doth 'she had kept from theflrs,t night of h,er ualLan'tries ,in orider tOI 'make a bi'g],"""I' 'e,r' foal ,g,£

1,,' b,"'- .. 1, ....... ,_, •••• I __ t •. _~ .. 11 •• _' __ • __ , ".~""'" _"_,1 __ .\,

~-~ ._ .

, A' , t th- 't;l; , I t·

'mp-_;L :':1;, ' Ime ev',;e""ry' ',,·<0'" ole' :was G'ID',',n····'ur,atu' a' :-Ing: m' ~e

Th;;' wer;~inld~g,-ato~ea~;~;EtJld Is~p ••. p.···.~

,_____:_ _,' ".'1- _'_ .. - .. ~. '.':_.- .' "'~ '1" '_ -_,_".:_. ',I. '_"- " -.- "_', :~.' ._ .... I._ ~-.: .. , ,'_ I~ _'- ,_.1, ."o·_;::_·., .

th' -\1 we1re ·s'·ay····lng·' tOI o'n1~ anoth:' 'er 'Th' e lad_;; t,ook

-~,I" "',,' -'," -',' " .' ',," '.:, ':>.: -~,' ".,' ,"'" I', ""~,, ,I"., '_, , ~ " ,",' _", ,"'",'''',

the 'fortress by-' st-orm last n,ig~' hf"- 'whille I p-~:u't th'e

"_~":_- .':-,'" ," ",'" .• ",',' "~'-"-"",' "!'"',",, .-,' :","""-: , ',"_' ,I.' ," "",~ ,,~I ',ce';.:

b- " '"i''t''' ,.t.;., .. ,'-,', ~,t th:, ',,' t,e I ,'A~"!i( 'I'd",' ',.-," - i'd"~- : ',i ,,' "t-,· """-'d,,','-'d' '," I'

e,s,.' 1,30,e DO 1,-" ,al _ CuU,~--' a,D..·, p,reen_~r:_

· d h' !iii, 'Th ]1 'b'"

l'1lotl~,et~, no't~.,~lD,g'~,_, i:ey' we.,r,e."a,ug,'ln,g' at m,le, at

"1 ' .. :,' 'b' ,'1:11,-.- d--' , '. "'" ',I I," ,", .... '-e" d~' I -. ,,' ·~.S'1. -",,\1-- ': ct' ,i!!I', ""11' r-' t,:- -". '-·,-.~~ ... A ,,..\L.r",

my i." .. ,D:_neS5., " ,mao, ,e a r~~o, u .10 ',! I 0 wrlu; ule

w'h'io'lie !,·tl'lnryl"··/ dlown lom,t! day~"i:

-,".' '_ ,\IJ:~, '" "","", ... _.,' . ", , ' ,: ,,' c , __ I,'" "."1",:,,, ,'_ "':" __ ' :",,' ,~

I ,r,., '. "-,-:-' d--'- ,:,' \ft', 1:-11, .• " . --th' -:--:- ;. ,~'h· '-h" '''''''d-' ~l'" ,'-., -, . >!'ghl,~t-' ;,~,', d'

I IOUDL IQI':at\C'r .... ,a,~ IS, I, Ie , _a::·. ,0v,ers ,J:I,.'~ ,t)_ an.

62

I', .

- ~ ...

left. It may be that the reason she hated me \¥as that a preacher, by the process of reciting a few "W' vords in Arab ii,~ over US" had P' ilaced her undee

°O.'o~· . .:....:.~. oJ._iO "i.', . I· .1.'0.0··-_ 0·· __:.~, 0 .. _ ._.! . __ 'I 0·0 ~ I" 0·' • 0 1 I r __ c- ...

m y" '~UI't' ;':b-" 'o"ri,t" 'Y-. :'-.: "', perhap 5 she simp~ Jy" 0,:' wanted to be

' ,J~ :,' _, ,_', ,;,"-' '_",::,' . _,-' ',," ": ~,',,' ', __ ',_ _ _" ,:.' ,',: ,,, __ ,,_ "

he. Finally, olle night I made up my mind to share her bed by force, and I carried out :my

" "'1'- -, A', "' . .:&.:- . ,", ',', -'" ,- .--)- "'. ,- h .. ','. . ,,' ,t, ," - rt "'f~'? ..".'Ln b _." d~ and

,re80,I'vle. ,~_l~ter a, tU;IS e Ic_C gOCI-, eut JO_. ,It'lv lie, • "c.,',

:I:eft. me and the. only satis,fa,cli,D,n I had was that I was able to ,c'url up ana sleep the r,est of' the night in her bed, which: was impregnated with the

, a - d f h b d Tb DI'I

- ~-",~,-,.,' -', ,'--",- "-', "',,,- :-"., I ,- ",',.- ::-' .. .'. ',,-, , , - -, '" -' '",,\ "c" I _---;-

'W3,flDth ane the edour ,0', nes ,O,'fil! "'" e D, __ y

,~ ,- -, I '-, '~- ed ,-,,-,,--:-,,- d>,:(t 1'1-- -'1-"" ·"ft ".".,' .c,· 'I tha "t ,~' cb't"

trme I ~ enJoy,e:' peaeenn ~ :eer was rna nltg_, !~,

cA £: tho h I III' d"·~! fl' ,

After tl at sr .e S" opt ill al~I_lrl.ereht room [rom me,

'W,h~n I' came back to, the house after' dark she

- ld- ~:'lll be - ,,' '0' -, .. ,- . -" ... L".·:" I' \'I,Ii.""""' ,- -'-1' I.~. "'; a"t·· I:"!", ....... -owr,

W'OD, ~· •. ~·I ·~·Stl11. I~·e out •. '_ .. r raWler, _I_, "'~o\Wu, ,o···.·.,! ;JljIO' ....

-- -, d h d I did

whethes <she had returned ·1"IODl,e' 0[' Dot aD,,', !_: :,·1 ...

. '" • _ 0::_.. •

not r~~:F\~ to 'k;O--,bW since solitude and death were

_ IV~' ~~:I.~. y :t _.' ! ~ • w 0c'" " 0 _ .. _. '~_;; °o_' _ _ _ 0 .' 0 .' ~ t. ._ . •... \ _. .

'm""'"y": destin 'y"~" I" d·,,:'~p'ir'eld':' at ,all costs to establish

~.-,-' . ~ ...... ~~. .""" 'c.,....,~, ~. - .. " '- .. ' ... . ... - <t.. -e-, - . ,- , ---'\1,1

contact wi.th her Iovers-e-this is another thi~g

, '·'1-1- ill dl-b' .1-1. ,. d" ,- "h'" ," t'L" - ",'"

tba't, w,t ~ sec:m, Inc,r,el~ J·',e~an" gO'D.I:· t OIU_ e'very-'

- , ~ 'h' I hl,~ ""'d- Li····d·1 .~i.'I;L,..'t=' ·h·-::-·r.> lj""-,, .-'," I 'P"UI"'t· ,tI:-~

,ODe. W,_Q _ I',_ea,f" [Ia), ,ca,ugJI",le" llan,CYI' _~" .lY

~ , __ ·' :L ' - :' t' ',if" "h' ,- - -: ...• '11;'- ,t~'", 'I'-~' 1-['--' nlr""'d·~--:_ t· A ~l*'r:'lj'k-'"-

W,I:UJ ev:ery Bor 'D~ ,~I,U,ml~.la.lQD ,n "', ... ' ·er I_,U ~~'_ ,_, __ ~

up aa aequaiutancewith them .. I toadied ~o them,

,~ ,~ I'll. b h'" th·,

u.rged them to VISlt my Wlie" even '~f(}U!g; t ' ..• '. em

,t~ thf; :h,loas'e. ,A'ad 'what peolple' .sh;,e' cbose! A,

tripe-pedlar', an interpreter of the Law, a

, d 'h I'll! .', d t

,c;ookeld·'Jlle,B.t, ¥e,uJor, t,-·,e ,pO Ice: il'uperllntenp:_.en"J ,a

, lb- •

'C!'~'a" ,d: Iv m>···Vfl'cl,,~t'~i ii, ~obilololp-~her-----t ·--:-ei.r' nlam,cs ,anti

iiJlll., , 1" .. ,_,~ll -,, ._ 11:' ~. . ,- -

tlilit-~'le's~-: V'" ·:'a·<'n' :iAd'l ··b' ""u,to n,B'D,el of the'm 'was fit to 'be any'",:,:,c!!!!!

,I, .. 1" ',,' ',: ,.<" V", "" _,',," " "" I ',_' . .' ::'," ,','." ',. "H ',' "" , '_ ,,_ __ _ "

thing better than a~i9t~n t . to_ the m~ who. ,seils bOUed .sheep's. heads. And sbe ptefermi _aJ1of

_ uld- 'b~ I·' ,j'f"'" I

them 'tol llle. 'N,o' QID,e W'O' '_ ·~_,:'e!,Je'v:e me I: , wer'e

6rl~:."·

"

. ~,.'

'.iii'

rema

'&, __ "&D ~ .

< _ _:,_JD •

. But even then would she not have preferred an'y·'" other liviD;a creature-an Indian sernP'nt~ a

. . - _ ---if) _ . .. , '~".- _' _". - _' ',- r~" ,-

,6,~r, ~

68-;-'

'~ ... ' ..

~b d tho d h h '1' ... ·!~·h

w,amv'-e' :-_. ""-'~,e' .,.J. QO,r t 'rIQ:ug' aout my waAlng' ,_~"IJOIU"

in 'the, hope that my wife would come to me, Blut she never did. 'W,as 'not sbe tiD' blame far· the eondition I was in'it FO,f three y:::ears or rather for two

. '_. _, .. " , ''''''_'~ . _ _:_:.,. _, .. c .. ' _..:__ •... , .. _,:., . __ .J[ "'1 ._: . " .,.' , .,." 'r.__! ', I .

Y'e'ars and four lIlou'ths ~thou.'h. what, do Clava

_... .- .. _ .... - ... -. -- .. -~- . --' .--- '---- _. __ lOt..- J' . [l .' - • t - Yrl- W

"':"'-,d';-" ml'~ .",' ,,:--,--th·:··,· , atte '?J T· J ...• thi .. -~,.' ""~-,,.-,-:- .. ,-.-., '.- ;·th·,'. 'It._ ,.~ ....

an '. , ,_6D, : __ 8 Ala,. 'er . ,~IQ me _~,.~ ey m,e\an, no!.: . In:I.,

.:; hi ;j e. h .. ' I 'ill .....L .

nme .. JBS DO meamng ror o:ne W~_:~.O IS ' 'Y,:·I·lD,g-:: m tne

• .' • ": .. : __ t 10

<;r~~···-···'·'.'·e···~·th-'··l·'a :·t·,··" ,: has been th·l ... ,. tomb · .. ···f·' '-.~'~.,.'.

g ,a,,,.. " .J~ room nas een,:J ie tom .. ,I 0, my

exis"·~en,c[e. the. 'w':Dlb of'm'y""; mind". All the bus;tle,~.

_! • ~. ....' ~. _ .. ' ;' • _ • . I I ';' I.. • . ~ ~. _ . • • •• _.

' ... ( 1:"'···1'.",-;" nd . -;".~;to;:., .. ,;-,. th-,·I .. at filled th .. ··- I~""" ~ ... of .. -'th·:I.-,- .. J

,nOlS·e an ~ pre Llenc;e I, .. a,:, . I - Co,.. e . Ives, 1011. Q,:,. ·cr

.. - ..... -. '-".,11. th ..... , .~ . b ~1 ... ,--, '.', '~'l: .'." h:~ .... b .. ....J. I ., ad "" ... ·1"

peoPJ'e~ .~.:~e r,a,_· .. '[Ule-peo,p,__,e W' .. 'O, ._O·oy ani, .. ISO'U):"

d f th Id h d b

~. - - -I ~ ; ;! :_ '-. " . . -, i'"I' ' 1 _ -:: ~:' _-_ _- '. . .. ~ '.- I -. ".- ••.. I .. I ",- i I.:: :: - . -_ ... ". . - ", 'ro'-"

are turne _ out Oli!, _' Ie a,D,e, IDOU__c':', ,'.la'...,-I"ecome'

f ill' d ~ I E·'· Lhad

-', .... -:: "'-~i"'" ._':" .. ". '···.J·,-·~;r.:-:···- 0;---1".',_"',,," .. ;-. [- .•... - ..•. :,,-~,,'''_','. r .J_- .... -1'-,', I 1.-:-' .. '·· ..

,Q'telKtl an ... ·.·_ ,meanlD,g .e.ss, to ,me., .: vcr .lace. ,- .a ...

b -. - - " .. --~. fi"'- .. d . .. .. , be d II' L· d L_ .. .).,. _'I -- .. , ! - - _

neen eonnnea to m,y nee . nan neen ,1V1:ng In, a

stranee unima01r~l~a,b,le world In which ~I had nc

a;- L~r~ -

d r th Id f'-' th bbl I Id

'.;' :'I-"- "I'~ 1:- ','~' ,',_-' .... '1-- 'I" ,.', j ,'Jr"'[ _,' (i ..... ~. '\':', '-"'1", .'~-- "'1, •. : •...• >~~ ... < -: - :--', '--:1'- '11-_." ",

nee __ , 0 [ .: e wor_, 0_ 1_ e ra~·e!J' It was, a wor ,I

hi h .. d 'iii hi 'l'~ C- I ... ".;.....

'W~_~I,C_, ,eDste,'~·. 'WIt ':__ID IDe 'I a, wor 'Q [0"- unxnowns,

and I felt an inner compulsion to probe' and investigate even, nook and cranny of it .

___: ' _ .. _ b;- 1,_., _' -',_ J ••••••• ,' •• 1.--.··.,. '~-' \. ._.:"__:__-"-- _,.I~, . ;1':: _.' I'". (.

I)uri-na the ni.ht. at the tilDe 'when m"y:" being

, ' ,0·"" . c 0. ". . '. -- _ - ,.-. -._ , , ', .. '. _. '- i -- ..

'L, .-:- ...J ..... ' ~ th l.,.... \..:A..,. - 4 ',' ,,; ,- . -f··_· .. · th .. ··~ t-:'·' .-. , ..... :1..3[",-

neverea on rtne eounaary or "_ e .. wo wonas,

"~"I-;-I-- ed i, ".:, .te ·l~:;· bef "~I'I-' I" cl' '",-;' ",i ,kl',~ 'i!' ... to .:_.,' ,dA'-1 ,- ;.,. j- b .. 1:, e- :-", 'r~' k' .

Imm",· ~a .. ,Yo '- .,CI,ore,·· Isao .. In '".,. a .. eep, l ... la~.

'cll;-~.-, I '1'·.,- ... ·· .• , ... d .,.,.".'- I - 1.."'-"" "1'-': '1'··/ of c·' ",~., ··1··'

Slec:p,. usee ·IiD·, ream. ,_~,n 1 ae course Q_ a SID:gte

second '1 lived a Iife which was entirely .dis,unct

,t,: .. ~, . . .. - ~ .. " ,.\_1, ... !:, _:,~ li'-;£t.'" I; b- "r ',""'.' I th" n "\d~" ..... . d· 'i· ~ -. ',-::- t'"

~,rom, my wiIAI,ng ·-,·Ie;. ~~ ~ rea '.1 e·. " a,_ II1Jeren . '

...•. ' ..... :-:: ···,h·,\-'· ~,.~ 1!Ii, '.,. 1':-'" ' .c.". -._ -~I.a'" '-J~-;-.'~>.,-.: 'It ··:·'<:'s·~· ,', .'. -'--:"'Ib,-,

lal"mospl,~ere ID, s,onl.e ,ar OJlI region., . wa~ pro:_.~

a :_ty that I wished to escape from myse-~ altd to [chaRge my' destiny'. Wh[en I shut my ,eyes my

own' ."-'" re'" "l~ 1 W' 'o-·r-"ld· w~:-'Ia' ·s· 'r·e···'v·,g:'I--,d·-- 'rt'A m"'c', 'T:: 'h:'e" 'I·'m~· a·f!lAs'

_' . .'_ ,J. i!Lj, _ ._., ,. 1_ , .. ,.'.:: '. ,_' .. ,'._: '~Q ,1"",1 '_,_, ~ ... '_: .. ;!I!' ". ','._: ! ' . ·~ .. ,a.'L::·

·'L..-t' I ' ... , .. ". h'·, ., d'--:- ... , -. '.~, ··d··,·· ." 0 -., , "'d-J-" .~' t'· 1~:4:· .. ····f: th'li' _J~_".,.: II

~~_., " saw '_ 'a_ ,aD IDepcn ~leD, . ,lie -0 , [Clr Own.,

'TL. Eo' d" "'d'- -. 'd-:- ~. . ... , -' .. -. -·d'-i , .. - -.]'] - d' -'-'., ,-, , .. Ii"·

,1"II[ty' la·: e··,·. an.: Tica'ppea:re."'J a·~ Wl~_ an -0 my VOl j ~

tiOiD ap'pea,red 't~o ex:cr:cis'e :0,0 contr-ol OVier' th·em,,,

69·'

.,

. ,,'

resembled. the coughing ,of -the horses that bri --g the sheep carcases eaeh morning to the butcher's

shop opposite my' window, -

I remember well, the room was q'uite: dark, I lay ,still for' several minutes in a state of :seimi,conseiousness. I used to talk to myseJ.fbefOI'e I 'fell asleep. 'O'A, this occasion I Was, convinced that I'

had become a child again and that I was lying in

th . dl I' d h th

t ne erad e, ,_~ sensed that " .. ! 'Jere w'. someone' near

me. Everyone in the house had JOQg been in bed. It was the hour-just before dawn, the time when, as :sick p-eople know, one's being seJems to t -ans~ cend the boUl1daries of the world, My heart was

b '!Ii h d b I' .. d L-.

_ oeatmg narc mtI experiencee no, fear, ,My eyes,

were open 'but I could see DIO OD,e:, for' the d~rkn-ess, 'W8,S intense, Several minutes passed .. An idea, a sick man's idea, carne into my mind. I sai,d - to mysel'r~, "Per'haps it, is she·!"" At the same moment I felt a coo .. hand laid on my bumingfornhead.

I shuddered, Two or three times I wondered 'if !t was ~the, hand of Ezrail..* Thea I feU .leep. 'W,hcn, I awoke in the D1lorning my nurse amid. to

~~._ '~Y ,~all.ter' ~e. ~~t the bitch~ my

W,l,e- ,~a~e' to, yourcec \Sld"e and took your bu,a

in ,her lap' and rockec:l you like a baby. I ApJP8l"'" entlya materDal feeling had suddenly.wakened

I-'n' hi. e- I w· -l"sh I 0'0'" Id hi. ~.. - d· - d' t· .. L--t- t

" I l ,I, I..JL .. ., _ '.'_ c·,:.~ ,~'IU ". .. I;&,ve '·~_le:>'. ·a.· 'U,Dt;' mOmca,: ->.,

Perhaps thecldld she was prepant wi: r~;. kad diCit_Had s~e bad h.er baby if I did ROt know.

Lying in this room of mine, which was steadily shri'nking and gro[will:g idark lik'e :the grav:e, I had

~., ne An]pi, of 'DCaJtIl~

This point, bo'wev'er, .iSI not certain. The scenes which passed before my eyes were RO ordinary dream, for I was not yet. asleep. In silence and

t- ,--.. .... ,"':-1 ,. 1··II'Ii:··'t·-···· I' di .. '~ - -, !ii' h~ .II h !i! ,ii, -

ranqtn . ',_ "y,. '.' '_lStln,g~.lS, ea the various rmages and

eomp a red. 'them. with 010e' another ] -, ·t'- seem ed tin m ·e· th"-I Ii a t un D' I' Itt 'I n· "0,' ". ". I" h :.-. d~' ~ ~.-, ., t' - . k' I--'-~:"'~ '_'. '.' '-'. If'~,··L. --.'~ , . .. -'._' , ,. ,IUI~" ~ ,." W ,. ,a __ DO" ~n.own· ,myse'.I. and

that the w,o,rld. as :1 had coneeived it hithe.~r.to had lost a I sigDfficanoe and vardity and had neen

replaced b the d 'kn---- r"· h-'· .-." ',,' I

I .. ,:,: ' ace: : , ~~y . ~ !:e ..r·, 'w:sSI 'Oli, Dlg't., For' , , ,ha,cI not

been taught to gaze at and to. love the night.

I a'"," m; .- . .'D· iot sur-iQII . b .. 1:.:1"" . - - .. ~I' h d I .-. _'" ~" .,1.',,' W 1~e.·U,ler or not : ~~a.: I contra" 0:£

·my arms ,alt such times, I felt .however that if

1_-, - -

?Dee ~ 'were to leave mf hand to its own resources

It wou d begin to fUDctia.. spontaneously im-

'1 ..... 01 .. d ·b-.·"'" _, ... -, .. , .... ,,'. --~',:. -"" .. , .•.. __ .. ,.1-' .-~.-: "-" .... ~. >,.:, _--'

p~. ' ,Ie: - <Y some myst~'r1.o'us moave force of I'D own,

withe ·t· bei bl 1.1 II

.. _ '1':OIUII' m'y :~'e'(-ng a'i~,le t,gl J.O: ,uence' ,or :master its

mov~ments. and that if I had DC1Jt constantly kept: careful ~tch of my boGlyand automatically

en. t II d't .- Id Ii b - .

, 'QQ' ~rra, le_:.~.lf,. ~~ 'WOIU .··~I '_, _:ave :~een, C'a,pahle of doi,ng-:l

t'·h· I.L,· h I d"d -' ,

.. • mgs Wnl,:, ,; I ,. ..; 11 not in the leat expect.

A sensation which had long been familiar to me ~ tbis~ ~hat I was slowly decempmirig while I yet b!~. M, heart had always beeR at odds not only~:. 'With IIl·Y,:" hod'y'.').· but with 'my'-~ m--ililtn'" ,d'·'·. a;,' -~ rr:L'e, 'P\A,'

, . .. . -, _. . - - . ~,.".' U lUI. .I.~

was ,absolutely"" .. 0,01' co'mp-"ati,bili.ty. _"~ betwe~)e', 'ft th-,,~~ e"m··I·,'I·· 1'-'

hald alw;ays;: been in a st~te -of d~mp'<,os, "_'I~'ti:~-O:~-Dc ·'·a'·,o·' 'Id~-

orad' . , ,- '11 d'·_'-III_: ... ·t·· ~ -_. - '.' ~ ~A~' ' .. , P-"- 'I"· '" " '.' . '.' iii:" .. "',',

r3~":'" "a.~,.~18Jn :;e.lg,ratJo,n., ,:c t bme$r :. ,conceIved

t"h:·;"OllUI:'·lg-:;h·l,t·~s· '. ·,h, .. ~., 'h I' ,. ·'-·:'·[.·If·'~·]-'·' '. ". 'b- ~ ... --- .

. '.' . . ' '.. 0, wo lie ,mys' ·e I..e, t t",n ,~, II IDIC"-O-' DI"!i'A·V·' ab'le'

, - -~!,' ,:' I '---.:: .:._' . 1"' I:'_:__ __ ,. ',' 1, .. 1. • I '__:_._ ,.,'1. ~'~I ._~ 'v 1 !"-----._:'__', .. 1. 11,1 'I I.V~,~. r",: _", I.," ~ .' ~illl

At other times I experienced a feelinr of Pi .~ ity· ..... ~ for

h' h . .

W,' IC:~._ :moy.,:'" :r;e:aBo',n r~p,,~oved Ifte ~re·'--·'q··luli;e·'R··t-'I'-y'·': w····b· 'I ~'n-'~'

. . _": I "-' --' '_ 'c_:' '.' .JIl1,. ..... ".. , •. ,.~~. ,'. . ' .. 1.1 ""I

lid Ii ' . '

ta;, ,.:-·~n;g' o'r' ',eng,aged, in b,usiDICSS 'wi·th someone I

wo··:'-'ulld·-'- b'" .-'."" ,-t·- . - ... -- .. " - th-,, __ " ·th,· - 'bili . •

•• e'l_: "'.1 • ;.:,;e:gtD .01 argue 10'D It~'_IS or iJ' ···at ISIU .. ·~ rect whil,e

7'10'

.. ' '11' ~I '.' .c;~ 'l:~ ~ ~ . ,', .. ~ :-," :~;,.;." ,- :"----'''1:' . - . vhe .\',. - '1" ,', '. ," I' id -I '. -. '\""'~

a, : "~Il y ,[eel mgs were somewr ,~r,e Ie" se, ~n .. ,. . was

thinking of something ~ ouite different and at the

I_: _ I I

" ~, 'oach !i! I' [" .. , I" b- l'f!!!

L • _.( •• ' .•• ,~. -.-~-,' -:-'1'-'-" t· ' ..... a, ... -', ~'I - ':', ."_ 1,_ ['.- .•.• .,..' • -_ '-:-' •.• I·' .. - . - It. '. ~ •• "".- 1, t, - -, ,:---:-[ '-.- • 'I

same time repr,QaC,"ID,g myse .... ,~ .was a crumb .. : (og"

d . : .. " ,.' ,.',' . ~ . ..,.. 'C. 't . "1 r - '.- ',' ,,' '. '1 t , .. ' \ .. '. " " . ed 4'" ,". th ,' .. t th ... -- ' .. - '~'"

_ ecomposmg Ulass. " seemed It,JO m.,e tnat 1~~~lS, w.,

what I' had alway .. ·ls been and alwavs 'would be, a

' '_ Y I" .' • -. ' ,_1.;_. _.~ _ .. "" '_' 1'_.' _ r- _l .. , I ,_,~:____ :_: '_' .. - •. r._~ ill _'.- I ,._ -,:____:' ':: -'. '.- '1 1_'_

st -:..-;-. -1-:·'g,.'1f!A Ie' 'o····:··m' I p' .,'.""'---' . d " 'f:' iii n . "O"I',~,~ ~ ~,", tible .I-··I',·A·-·i ts

,5· ra.n,:~, .... _c.I, .. -OUD,· 01 Inc.mpa.u.., _:,e ~ ... em~D.' :,~ ... !i! • !i!

A' '!';L,.· I', -hi t,:- .- vh .. ··, ·h··- I' e..- .... ": d .'. l't·l •• '1- . ',' '-: b-'''l·' ---I,I!!,-,[.£ .-)

,U"IOU",. w, lei - - toun ,I IftO'_ .. era"y palRIU, ,

W' as th,'I' Il~is·-···I w:·' .. hereas I felt that I' wi··,·· .. asfarremoved

'._:. _ _,I ~ _ '_!III : ... l~l ~ • Ie - I -f~··~:_ . ./ ~ ... ,1, .. ,,' . ., ,'r ';'1'_' I ~ ',' ".' .:", .~l._

fr'olll all the 'Reap', Ie whom I saw and a men g'I;:" who m

[ ~ . ' ,,_ -~~ 1. l. ~ r' ~ . ~ 'I :. • • , I' • I '---. If" '_ _ _ ... I I -, I', ,~. " • ::..........lr:.~ ... I "', Ii'. ' r

'I lived, yet at the same time I 'was rela ed t'-O':I them

,_ ." .... ':, " =e= - c' ~-'"; ,},' ,. ,,', '."" ... ,...:.....:_.1" ::. "". "'~"' v= ' .•.... ' . ,J...!._,..:.'" II

by .... ' an external similarity, .. '.' whic ~h·· was bo th remote

_:,-: ',--..::..........:. ±'~r_._, ,...-': • _1' j _"" I ~ . ~ ,J .c.' . ~ . ___:,If .. r :._____: .- -e. .. _'. _. - .', \, ~._ .. :.._::_.~ •• ~: '_" _____::.

. ,

and close, My :surpri~e' at the fact was diminished

'L the - / .. k'-' .'. - c,·, I' eds . th -, . t· . ",,--:- nh 'II, I' 1- '-~" .-'. _ .. " .

uy I ".:; cnow ec Ige ., ~I IPY p'_".-I;YS:1C31 neeas were

h th·· Ii . -h '.. f bl

the same as ~'_i··ei.rSI" I .. lle point Oil" resemblance

which 't-IIO" rtu ired me mo re .. ha n '8'; D'Y"'" other w>' as r~l,e

_ .. c-: __ ., 'I .' ,'_, '.:'. ~,. ,I '.," ~ _ (( I . '.' ", .• , \. • u Ul .. __ _ '1,. • ~ I , ., '._ r '.' Jt;I:J

fact th -. 't.-·- th-_·, - r"" b',- '·b·l: I . : -, ,'-:' --'. ~" -. -'" . 'e'" '. ·t' t· . .'. t" 'd'" a's' I I ," ". ..

,1a.CI~~,al '. 'i: ..... ~,la,·'·I,,1 e-mc'o, wer. la" I rae ,e,',h.:> .' was

to thle· bit,cll, m.y wife, ahe fe.el'ing a stro'Dglcr' ,a.·",p:pl"etit'~ ~or~'~I"I-' 4j.h'e·:·ml·! ·"':~,~,n. "1 rol .. , . .'r. m-~", I' ,a:IM'I;"', c'~e-;r-:·n.':n.· th·: i a<,·;t':

~ I • ~".li' . _ I~ ~ I • ' ' -IU~I,a;. l~, _, i~'!F -,' '_r' _ . _ ~,_ • ...'

", ,~,

tb ":L+ I kl lilt • tho 'k C-

ere wa'SI so,me:u'llng ,3;.C"I-JI,D·Ig' llD :'~._e Dl,a-:,e-,u:pl 10'_,'

one o·f' 'us. tr

-------;r; • - .• _.

I· c>,all he:f 'tb:, ,Co 'bl~: it,c,h' hie, 'n"~U-I- Qe:, no o-*h- -:;e·~:r.· 'oa:m'e-"

,~ •• __ .... _ j _I., • _. •• ,' .... .-" [ I _ 'kt~, ~. ,_ _' ._. L 1 '.,' • 1 _ ,; I

w'oiuld :s:uit. h,ler so well. I do n.ot like to 'say' simply 'my wj:Ce'" 'b,eCa'lISe the m,ao-wife relati.o~nl,h"ip d.-i.d, 'DI-'O" ,to e'· :xist betwePD UI; 'IS and I~- :s~-Iho·· 'U" Id·-[ 'ble Iy'~ing" to

,"' .. '-'.'; ,",' _ '.- ~,r.···.'· .... ~_,_ .' J .• _ ... ' ',J:.._____:._ .-',' :_ I .... _ _ ',' ", r '.: ~;__'-r":.': ":_ .. _

- . - '1£- '··f··· I .-" .-.11' - d'l h'" ,.' .. -. 'F' - ,- tho b- -. -.'" -- c" - ,,£<

my;scl~;G I.' ': Ical.1e·:, .':C,F ·SO',. -'fQm ' .. :·.~e ,,'eglnnlng 0;

,_iii. . I b ' ~ ')1 dl h~ . C:th'I-- b-- '~t·- h'l d'~ t'-hL - - - d-

bOle' ~_ '_"_ ave CaJ., C:_i .....:Ie:r~ >. re 1',,'1.1. ,C " an, I i.·_.e WO,f:"

h,as had a cu,riQIUS' cha;r,m for mle. I.C·I, m,arried. h.ler

:"t- ,- .. ~':IJ' 'b~ ......• ,... - ~h' ( ,-, ··;.)1_ th-_l.- '6~-" "'d'-"--:'~' ': s· ·h··-·,

I. : w,a;s ,ec:ause, S .. e ma,tAlC! ,," e ',. rs. 18"vances., '-, 'e

dld so b,y.· ,desion and fra'ud No, 'she Ih: ad IlO It·ind-

.; ." ",. .. .. ,. . -'..'_ .:_. - 0"" ,'. : .. ,_ I - _:' .. ' ~ ", <I< . ,.. ..':!)' I .. ',,' . '_. . __ ..' .•

ness fOlf me. 'How could. she 'e:v'et' 'have {elt. kind'Dlcssl ~o'-:"r'" a·.'"··'DVlO·- o' ""e' ? A···. S~'e'_:_nl- 's:lua, L1 c;"r'ea't"'iII:"""''A w:"~bo ·req.·· -u"ir,ed one

,1.1. ,.' . ./ ..... ~r' '. '_,' _, ','.:__"" ._ I ' ... '. ,_ .. ~. L~.,g.ll:' ..... , .' , _ _:. ".' _, ".:c. ,< - '. '. "-.'.

- . -. ,t~· .. ·tj[, c;"··h ., I . t .. ".. t'h' , . ,.. . I~ ,- tho - -I~ . c , . "-1'1 ., c. '. ,t

m"an. 1\01 sa-iiI •. " .~,uer' "U~SI.", an:o,,,'~~~,e'rL'O p~lay I, (·e gla ._n. I

171

and _. " -·th· . i - ".." "'!~~"h d II; S··

,A;&a'.. ano .. er m sa,Uiuy~.... '. er need to in'_~lct pain,

N · ,.' .

, .G't that, I' ·think ,he restricted Ii,erself to this.

triJi.·IU~'·~hr bu t 'a' t' :: . ~ .. '~.: ._' ,""·1"' ..... ,.'. the "':' c -h'-·, .. -"-''], d"1 _._1 _ "1' ,'I ~., ,",'.1, anyra, .!£ . w,as, ~ ,Ie 'ODie, IS'~i ,e se)ec~te '.' '.

to torture, 'To tell th,e truth. she could not have

ch··· .1/· -. ..-. L._·' :'-.,- "1 b '-.. F; I. , - •

QS~ a ~tter' ;su,,·!j,c,ct. ~ or' my part I married

h· '. - - L.__ h 1- s; d Jj:k

. ,e'f' I_cause ,s, I re ~~OCJa.e:. I ·~.:.e he. mother and

becaUSE' she had a faint, remote resemblance to

• r.: - .~.J - - . \ - . _' '. '. I _. - , ..... ,v

m~.. An'" -:-:, d b~" .. ~L.: "o'tj- . '. .,. )- did 11- )1.. '

._ ~'I! '.: .. ,. ," Y IU1JI,,·IDC DOjt lIl,erc_.y I. Ill:. . .IDlve her

bu'· e" '.- . t" , .. - ,. 'bod; . d it'd' h An"

".11., · .•. ,veryl , .... a':om :IR mv ',' ' .•. 'V- :pc!·iI,r~'A.' "~r' ... ~:~ d I

'. . ~ -'1' .... -, ,"""'~ ~' -' ~"~'_'!III . " I., ~,'

more than any other part of me my loins-for I

'l:-~'-l-=-"-~I 'Ir!~'d'· : "'aI' .' '_', I .. _~I.,' -~"':-' r. ". z: '~'~L" - I~~ ,~.

rl;l~e to JU~' e res feellil,gs behind a, 'fanlclfuJ veil

of 'love', '(ondness' and such-like theological terms: I have no, taslte for literary ,k",~lla,esh.· ,I' felt as though both of us .. 'ad pulsating in our loins a

kind f di' • .

lIU.u(. 0:' ra .. [-"aboD ,or ,aore·ole like tho ose W-··' ·h·-: ic ~I one

- - - '.. . '_ {i_. I· __ t _ I _~_,~". '.: [ ' .• :J.._lt '-IL\' .'.

Ii!.~. d' epic te 'd":- '.'1: ," , .-~ d·· ... :L.·~ ·h .. ·· .. ds' '.·1 ·th·l_·· . - .. '. h" ,'--

~~:. '''. ::" I. :.-. ",_ aIOll;JJ; 1,1 ,. tile .: " .eai: I·., 01. .1 C Ie P:rO~PI ,'. ets

and tha'_ my sicldy, ~ aureole was seeking

b d I.. ·th ,_11 • lI-

en. ~aD u ,sitnving WI'!.: .. ~ _~ 'Its might towards it,

When my conditiOD improved I made up my

mi.CI to '·0 ,awa'y~"- to .I!rn ; so .. ·m~' ewhe 'r"e," where peo ple

D - .... , .. ' D'-' ._."- - I. .' .. ,_ .. ' ," .... ,. "_ ',,''\,;;:' I." '1 ... ' ...

Id' fiD' d ' ,

[ , -. . ~ .' . . ~ .' , .. I J 'e. 1.1. . •. . • _.

wou ,. .•.. never' : Ii i',~1 Dle ,ag·alD like a··c· d·1o·-rr ;--n -:--:'.~t:..

_. '---. -' -'I.' '-"':' ) .. , I '-' 'o~ Wl:ul

~bstemper who knows tIlat ,he is going to die or

iiI... . tb: '.- , 'b' '" ~,-jJJ~ ·th· .. hi' 1t:d" ... th'l ~ .- '-'1 _.'. ;,L' .. I .' ..

~ a:C . '. Ie: -.'lfUB - '.1 ,a,t _ : ',. ': e _- I) II£mse !yes WI!i,e':n th.'e: tIme

to die has come., Early,'" lODe :moming' ~" I' rose" dressed, took, a oouple dcales that were' lying on 'the tOP·I~'.i ;shelf' ,aad,· witholu,'t attr'act'iD-"g:~ a~'.D~:v,nln;··p",~

_ ,,- .- ~ _ ,.- _ _ _... _"", .. -_', . "_ .. I ~w I. ~l lac

attention,.. 81ed f~oRl, the: hO·li'IS··:C:"·,· I' W""~I"Q 'run':"n":'l~'n': g"~"

. r- - - - - - - ~. • [ . /~ It' _ _ [,' . I,

away &om. my own mjselY~ I walked aimlessly aIoag the streets, I wandered without set purpose .amoBI the ra,blb)~:meD las thl'" hurri,ed 'by"- a'o

'. . . -II -, - -- .. :" . ,,'_.

7'ft

~,

'110 f~" d hei c.' ., !II r-

express . OR IQI' gre·e).," on tneir races In pursuit 01.

d I '.'E:." Ihd d

money aD , seix.u,a_ satlSltacb,OD. . I 'J~a,··;. n,o need to

'.1""'.'-'" the :'" .... " ... -:- ... " ":--'.-'~ - /_'~' ..... , .. ,.£1" th :·,,'oJ' ' . -.'., ,,' "'-"', .' iple ·· .. ,·r:'

see : rem SIDce ,a.ny one 0_ ;':, em. was a samoie 4,·

tbl A 110, ,t, E-:- a' ch and- ~ ery"- , 0-' n - of -, th .• rn consist Arl...J1

'. (I~: l, ~ ...• ' _, ,':, ". I',. ".,.;, I ~~:VI ",. .•..• "~_.I' e": - . _~~,~, . ~'j ,j,:: ::'1 ,~,tIl

only of a mouth and a wad of guts hanging from

Ii th h '1-' .' ,III! !Ii r,j, I"

(t;, tne wne e termmatmg :1!Jl a. set 0<" ge'nlta~s ..

I felt that I. "It&,Q suddenly become ligb,ter' and more a,aclli'l~·· M···· .. ,' "y ... l·~,t(J', m ruscles were ,CU"I n c .. ·~ti·'lto··-;. 'D": l·n·lg-~ 'I".";,~'L,

-" .... C!'" ~ ,III! . "--.. _. ~ a " - i:l~Jl., ,iJll .. ""'" ~ IJ·, I '." .~ _" , ~.' ·.','1)",'

,.:. ""',0""'·',-1:-·,.'" and '.'.' eed -:- ,L·'eb·"', 'l'r:'1 .IL. ... , ... ' '1 ". "''1:1I'd,'1 a IUP'P, eness ana ~pee,_", wmcn unn men .. CDL~_ '.'

not have im.a.gi,ned, to be possible. I. felt that .1: had

.~ .. - - ..~ d I c.. - ','" .' '1'1 th ~ . " te ~. f'~' j., -- - .o"! , - - d'l . - h - "

escape :l trem a .~I-cJJ~ let: ers or existence an !. t nat

this was 'my n a tura I , mode of movement, In m,y~ ", ,,' '·I-·d,--Ih" ., .. ' ···d.. .". h'· (- ·1',····· .'·'r'·,' I' had 1· •. ]'111' ,··:-'·····d·~.t:rth·-·, -'. "1...",. rden C . I, ~ .. oo.~, w~ eneve.r .. ->a '. s Ilppe·~ UI,l.· e UIUF_Jell

C' ". b~'-ll > d -, - ,- - '*'b!ii!'l-~" I h d '}'''' d~ 1-liI'k'l

o troub I.e an·" responsibnrty, .. ; ,a,,' I 'wa_.e._ 1.,II~~e

hi

'. " I

t 1;5".

Th )'1 d' h· h II! th 'k d .... 'L

ne sun was, a~rea~:,:yellg'~" m tne S .')Y ana ;ule·

heat was intense, I foY.nd myself walking along

des srt -:-.J t·· ets I 11111 ied wit h .... 'h ... ',.L '" hoi '.. f'

, ,ese.r eu streets ,lIne,.· WI.·I .. as .I-,grey .,.,ou,ses 0

S'tpa'ID"1 go'l "e-" geom ietrical sha pes-e'_____r." 1- bes P risms con e s

11>"", .. ,·l_~I»·'" .:'~'.'_,_.; ...... ~I, ... ·.·' .•.. / __ ....... ' ... '---..... , .. ~. '-"':;1 ,.,'" ~" '.' '_',.11.1'.".,

-with low, dark windows, One felt. that these

'.,," Id'i:f "'.'.".:,'''., '.' . (.- .. -' .... '1 .. : .. ( '," o·>;·'-e···· -1'- 'd" th··· -'!~ t·-· t"h-" . hi", 1:-1"1" ' .. -':<-~.

WI,D.-OWS were never . p:,ne .. ~~., ·,a.1 . ",e·ouses were

d- d th

u.nt~nan't,e, __ , tle.'mpo,ta'ry' s·tructures ,an,i~.~~.'at, no

1-·' !I, 'l-d'l h ~ l"~ th

l'vlng cr~'at~:re cou, .I~_c ev'erave luwe t 111 I!:~,_em.

.IT,he 's'un, lik.e a gnlden kni{e" was, ,steadily pa:ring a.wa.y the ed.,ge gf the sh'ade besid·e the'

. Th - b - ,

-:- .. cc\· ... 1 - "--""'1'-""-" /'1"\ ,: ..... ~; .... - ·-\, .. ··,l·,·,:····,~ ;:-;.' .: ······1 .-''':'.

walls.. .' I. uC streets· were e,Dclosed .·~.,etweeft old"

:-'h' ;jj t' _. .'. h' .I, - aJ'I'll - E--' - .. b~- .' ., .' . - .. - - .... .-. . -. d'

WL~,I,~cw(as, '.'ew W'··: ,·IS. ""veryw,i er'e wler£ pke;a'ce ,aD".

t~ll-I'''' .... - ". th: ~. h-' . ')1 tbl .--" - L" .' .\I!II!I " t:. . I· 'b' .. - ~ - ..

S It,., De,ss;, as, 1:" .Joag·I .. ,al ··.-,~~,e eJLe'me·BU; were: ,01'C'}rJD:g'

h d I r- I d'l '·1 • ~ b- iLk:

t. e' ,sa,cr1e,;"" ,a'w O;I'eaJm, an.I~_ s,i,cnc,e Imposeu !'y :1~Je

L '. h' d' th ])-

IJ aZlng .. ,eatlt .- t ,Slee:me; as'._:.i~loug,. '., m~st£ir'y' was

everywhere and my lungs haml)' dared to inhale

'h' iii,

.J "-·e.··1 a··' 1'1'"

, ,,' ',: '.' .Iii".

[73

AI , at once I became aware that I. was outside the gate of the city. The sun, sucking with a thousand mouths, was drawing the sweat of my body 'The desert plants looked und er ti he P"FPa··t-:

" .. '". II . '. . ~ . I - --, , - . . . ., , '. -. 'I . - .. ' . '- .'."- :-.... b" - ~ ." J

blazing sun, like so' many patches of turmeric.

IT"'h' Jj'ilik r. ._ h'l I d iii'

.~ I !,e sun was Iike a reveres ~-, eye, t panrel" us

'b '. £!.' h d hs of t .

aurmng ~ays trom the depths of the sk,y O'V,fJ'r the

.'J ,- "r-:. I - . '

,Silent.; Iifeless Iandscape, The ground and the

plants gave 6ft" a peculiar smell which brought

b kl .• - e hildho d N' 'J

, aCI:_ certain moments o1:m'Y C~_l~._I··_·~.O<.~":~lot omry

did it ,e,!,oke actions and words from that period WillY life, but for a moment I felt as though that time had returned and these things had happened only .the day befo re I experien ce d i1!JIil kind o'-""f~'

. . ' , . ',~". : _',_' '-, .,"'" .'> ._. ,-.1~ .. , . """,. . ,-"4 '. ", .--\ ,I I .. ', ' ' .. _'. .. , ,1', >, ' __: '__;.

agreeable giddiness, It seemed to me that I had

b b Ii· oII@ifilil':I'-

~ een .,-: orn again .1B, an 1J1c__,81,'tC,---Y remote wor d.

Th···- ~I--: ,ale" n· rsat ,., ~. 'h'- ad ,'. --. int -, ., .. ,.' ti .. -,.' l,·'t·, ~-- d

_ .. S' I~-;~ .. ··.,al:.lon \~\a,·.· an In.'·DXlca 'ID"g qu.a~.IIy ,S,D._,:,

I .. 'k Id "'.a: d iii

'IL:~e an 0'1··.· sweet wine, affectec every Vein and

III b d I iii d h h b h

nerve In. m,y .. ~··,.O:c__;y~ _ recognised the tl'i '01n-'·.:81 res,

·the stones, the tree stumps and the low shrubs of wild thyme. I recognised the familiar smell of the grass. Long past days of my life came back to IDe,

but II these "!Ii £!' ,n,!. iii'

._ :IU'~ ,8", u iese memories, .10 some strange 'la~)IOin"

\Vere curiously remote from me and led an independent .life of their own, in such, a way that .1

~ .... L·!Ii nd d- '. .., d

'was no merethan a paSSl.ve' ar .~:. I.,~ hstant witness and

'felt that my heart ~ W-'- as e "m- 'p. t· ·Y·····' n' "'0· ,. W~' .... ~a~' D"I,d· '. th - -' a t th e"

[_ ••• ~. f" •. ~-, _', _" •• t_.~ .• ' .',. ,~~,:,_,,_ ~_.' ._,,_), ... _I,~ • OJ:'_'-:

perfume of the plants bad lost the magic which it had bad in these days, The lcypress trees were

th-.. I d ... L h '.11-1 hi d

more ' . ID Y spaced, 'Ylle .1,:8 . ~Ia,~" ,gr:O'Wll more

a-n·I-~d·· -T' '-'he'-'" pe"r's~' :'n' th-::··· . ,t I' h-'· -'··dl b--," ; ... --; .. th'-·······I "_"'·,I·t- ···d·· .-' .-:__.

, '<'-'~ ':_''- '_ .... ,~~o. ':: ._,8;- I " a: .:een l ,len exJS I)e': no

lo:ng'er,.. Inf"1' had be,e'D a ble, to cO,'_j"ure, hi.m u,P and.

17·4

to speak. to him he would not have listened to me and if he had would not have understood

. I. q ,., .. :'. -:_ -, '.. . _. . ". _ I' ',. " ~.-l' - - . - - - - ";'h- .' - . - . 'I h- . d

what I said, He was like, so'meone wr om L ,~. a,' .

1 __ - _._ ... ' .,-:- .. ,.'~ b,,·t '11'- '. '-;I-as" '0'0"-' p,·a·"r;·t· o'·'''('·'m·-: e

IU-I,O~. ODce~, ~IUI.~, ,~: e W·.·:, .I.I!.I _:."~-,,_., I, _' ·:_.I~

The world seemed to me like a fotlorn,empty houseand my heart was filled with trepiciatie:n,

th h' 'I .. ~ .. --.- ---')- -"b"':" d to ,.'.--:' h'lco"F"eEnn't'-' and

as ,Q,ugl.: .. , were DOW 01 ~'1Ig,e'- 1, go :a~l.\n.f ~ ' ' .~

ew'p.·lo' ··r: 'e , te···ry· r 1' Wi,AAi. in tha ":::' t', hl! .. O·-I·U' se: I 'w~uld .

, -A ' '. "b!.:.'Y' ..1. '~.:I." '.' .. .' . -, ~ . w

dm;~gh room • mom, but when I reached.the last of all and found myself face to Cage with 'tbe bitch I the doon behind me would shut or their

0- IW" :'RI a· ccord an ~,d. oDI.y·: the' q.1 u'iverina;, blurred

.... ..' IL;!. :&":'" ..., . . ~ I I lOt ..

shadows of the waUs would .stand guard, like

- d

• :~ •• I .• ~' 1"--' • ," ", .. ' :L1.'~-' " .:.". .-. ... '.',! :.'. - . -. i'l .' I "",' :! ~ 1'1. '" =" .

black slaves:" arOU,D, -' m,e.. -

'I~' h <a": d D'e-';"r'-~'Iy~--' rea c .. hed the river Saran - w.be-.· I.

.____:_, .:___ / ... I,._. I ~.1. '.!a' ," &1 .. · .. _I.::~~ __ ~_·· .. _ e- :__._I .. -,- , ..... "_' . ~ [J ._. -s= '. __

. .' ." f' b- hi ·'1:'1

round myself at the root Q a·arren,stony IIJ~.

Its le-"an "ha' [r,d contours 'p-'utme in 'mind, of'm'Y

I .... ·, I. ' .:' '1.";' = "-' '._'. , .. ~ .' ' ... ~ l~ '. -:- ,~ ... ' . " -" --' - ' _ : L - I _ ".

nurse; there was an Indefinable resemblance

between them. I skirted the .' i 1 and tame upon a ~~a1I, green enclosure s\UTOunded on ,every side

by hills. The level ground wascwered with vines

, ii, .,. - nd .- .. - ,.-. - -- '-'" . f' .' th '\ hl:···'l"s< stoo d a','

of mOfDlft,g gIO'ry" ano on one t)_~- ,e .1 'II:, ,~lt1,..,

.. - I 00-·1 f'" !Ii' bri ·kl.

lofty cast 'e ... - . ]_ t 0·· massive . ~Inc~ .. ~s·., .' ._ . '

I suddenly realised that I was ired. ! w:a1ke~ up to the Suran and sat d()WD on .. the fine sand . • - 'b 'k -. , •. :L " ··h' 'd-"··r·' ~". n old cy·p· r-·s·'·s-'·· tree on Its, ",an. __ >~ ID,u'fe' S,!, ,a,· Ie 01, .~,II,:_!I" .... : J' ~-._:-~ '. '7-~

It was a peaceful, lonely spot. I felt that no one

j" h d c· e: to, th ...... A" 1 a' t O-'j'n1C-'C'"

until then _,a·-, ev'er set, '100; '.' ,ere., . ,'. "_"" \11\1 .. -,:.

I saw a little girl appear from behind the cyp~s trees and set off in the direction of the castle. She

W·' a '5" w" e a" r-~l·n,a' a" b '1- ack dress IR,£' very 'fine, lia::ht

tn3>terial,' ~pparentl; 'silk. She :'a;s biting the :ail

75

'heir clothes. I, fo.llo'w,cd them, They hung up' a woml&n,'s, 'veil as a, screen ;tn front ,olf her 'but I furtiv:el'y peeped frolM behind I, tree and saw her'

!. I L_,_,.,jJ C'!:'-' "'1':,- d" biti th ~'II

who, e JJOa.Jy'~; ~h:e was, smlllll,g an ... · _c, ilbRg 1_. e naa

o',f'th,e in.,d,e,¥,-Bn:ger' of her left hand, Then they

wra,pped her UPI in a \IV'hite tIna» and. spread But

h· ',-.- fin #/lIJ_ te xt '!'IP'l'~e--c:'d-- ~J"I,g-'r:k' 1.- ~1~'I:kl 1- d ress '~'I~ dr if .I'!O-; ~1r.~ ~I'U~ - RI .

__ ,~!I., "'-,'400 Il;! .. _.:A, -.U.iIi I.' '_'.' 'D, I_~_, t3, .. -' _ '." ~~ 'I.U ,-' 0' . I " UI~ 0 ... __

.1 s,t~e'rehed .m'yself out at full length D!D 'the 'fiDe sand at the foot Df the old C''Ypll(,eSS, tree'. The

b' ab blin 'a- of the water -.' re a -,I':hl~'~ m '''-'Y~'~ ~~'~I like 't1L•

~,.~lJ.J!, .... C 'M. UJ <"'-.b_ -- .-'':_ _,~, -~U r " _ __", ~ ... ~Oi__. '--Ie""

staccato, "uniifttelllg,ib:le syllables, murmured 'b,y a, man who is, dlre'ami:ng~., ,I a'utoInB,tically', 'thr08t JIl'Y hands into the warm:" moist sand, I squeezed the warm, moist sand in m,y~ fists, It fe'lt like, the firm .. 1t'Sh of a girl whf) has fallen into the water and who has, changed her clothes.

,I' do ~D:Q't know how long I spent thus. Wh~n, ,I

- .. , ·..JI-r- - 11' h--···· --;-., ",- .. - it'--""-::-"'-'a-'-"- I! -"';'I'lly" +:n '-w--·'·\a-,·)lIkl-, T--~'fhg]

:S,,,,QOlil H,P ;.I, Ie,,' ,g, alii :QDl· I - ,g, ',-" ILu_ '", 0__~~". " :''', "~,

whole CQUD.tEysid,e '","as silent a,ud peaceful, ,I 'walked Oft'I' completely unaware of' 'm,y surroundings, Some force beYOnd myconttol c<)mpelled me to keep mmr.ing. All of my attention was

..J' s: - I~' dl·'~ ~ all 11... !i' th'

concentrated on my-teet, , __ ,<~Ilw. Dot W'~,.;& m ';' "e

normal ruhicon,. but g:lid!ed, ~alon,g as the girl in

black had .. d::- '0';'0-'·'1.\"" UA''\Jl\,' I~M ,_, .' _' .. ~,,.,,.

When I: carne "to myself I' feund ,tha,t, I' was,

back in the ,city and stalldiug before my fatherin~law'Js, house .. I do not. kn,ow whry 'i'he route I

had I ~oI1111,ftw"-'_"'e- -d- h 'a- d Ic'-,·'b, 'a: .need J~n lea :£31 ml "~' to tRY,'"

I" . : ~'~ 1;' .)[,' I".."" _ ,'., __, ~ .'.. ., .. ,. __ ,~~ __ JL~ . 'I!.;.o, U ' ,~~ . , _ ' ....

:fa,th,er~iD .. law',s: house. His little SUD, llD'y brotherin-law, was sitting;, ,O',ft, the stone bench ootsi,d<e. He and, his sister w'e~e' like two halves Qf'the ene

7'7

ap"-"-'I"e'" H':_'. ,-:-- had .,1)·.:.· .. rtine T' -'··--uk·-I.:.,. , :··'1'· .- ' .. ',-. '.,:.-.' : .- .

. P··iI,,-e nac s, annng uuraoman eyes" prom-

,.!,- (-. .'. t· -, . ,-'h-~'" ekb ..... "" .: . -: .',' .. ~. ~ -I~I - ~ )., .. -;- :- h .' . '-, - .I.~ ., of :

mem C", ee ... :' ones, a IC'O:JJlP exion t·1 ~e CO,IOUdrOI;

~ri,,,e wheat sensual nostrils and a strong, thin

r' - ,", I

face. As he sat there be was bolding the index

finger .of his left hand to his lips. I automatically

W'e""D"-"':' 'U"P'- to him put m':"'Y'-' ha 'd'I' ~~- .• ,'--~~' '.- ock . ,~

. _ .- _ 'I>," ,II, _, _ .. 11i1, :,' ._ ~·n. ID,,",O m,y poc'e.,.,

took eut the two cakes, gave them to ,hi,m and

sa'·" l"'d" "Th-I" -~e a·-:-I'I'!· £':.o~:or .-.,~. i ,£::,.;:,-,' M··' - i \ .-,' ._- , . .'., .. " ~-h-: '1'" .'. - . ·d·'

~.~\_ .,' . '~'". . I.~~ ,t, '&.; y~u ,ro·m, : .,ulII,my _,_,e use.:,_

to, call my wife c"M:U,lD.OlY" for' wa,'ot of' ,areal moth ·,;/llil.r·_ HI"~le" teok .. the ... ,"., 1~, ;' with .~).-.. ". h esitati .-,-

, ,. - ,~, II _ ._/. :'-·~V ._', e caK,es w. '.1. some ~~. esl .;8IuOD

d 'I 11.....1' - them with ,!iiI f"

a,DI :OO",Ca at I~. aem WII- :,1. an expression 0" sur-

, .

~ iii' hi T' k '1'"' id

p:nse in ~,cs .. urkoman eyes., . sat down .~Iesi,': e

him en the bench, I: set hi.m on mylap and pressed

hi .. -.-. ·t· -'. . ' .. '. H; 'l'-- be d ., .- ... I -., ,-" . - d 'tho ., ... ' '-,,-"11 .-.'

, rm to m.e. - ,IS.OI"_'Y was· warm a.o.:-· e ca ves

f h- 'Ii 1- ,ill d ~l f" ·14-' H' b "

,01 'IS segs remmc I~U me 'A.I::' my w~··--'r\;-:e'- "5· . -:~ had

_ _ _ _ J [ • • ~l__ _' __ '_ U 11~IH~' '~'~".-·.I ," J -~! '," C& ." _

_ . ~ ,

t" h .-. '. ,. '. _.;-. ., "1"" ~ .~ ~- ... ~" ·"t "'r -. :Ii. " .-' d ,-. [ . ,-- .. ,,,- . .. "-h' 'H' 1 rp.; - ['. .

tne sa:me unconstrame : .. manner as ,So ,e. - .-IS lpS

were like his father's, but what in the lathe1r aro u sed, my·: . aversion .1 found charming and

~, ttracti ." -: 'Ii~ the b .. ", I h ... _. ,'. , ..... ". " .. _. . _ . 'I'~ . '., _ ',_. 0' ,- . . .

a 'ILJlaC~U;v,e In .... ;~ , " oy II' ." 1 ,er were: ',alI~open, as

though theyhad Ic'nly just broken ,a'way from a

}.- '. -. -.'::. ,._",' .. '.- .' te lei' '~-,- I' ki·I, ••... d him .c ., h ,. h .. ·I-I.fi ong, passlon~aJe ,'851,. ,_ _'~,--sse:-,: \' 1m Ion. " __ IS , .. ~ la~'l-

O.'pl··e_:n·~" m'I-"'O~ =.- th . I which 'w·········,,·, s~·'··' :m:r-,--:- ~-I,~;L Iike " . "y' " .. ~!i;~ :' ..

..._.~" I,I~~,·\U., '1.11.:. J_" _ as I;,O,r,,--U,(;1.1 ···e n:t,~ WIle ,s,~

His lips tasted like the stub-end of a cucumber:

, ~

th . -'." ",- ,,(,.. . ". _- srid ~",. -I d b·-'·t,t, .-.... . h '-. b .iIl,. '- .. h"" ~ I'· ~ d 'I

_ ey were acrl_, an .. · .:1· er., _.'J Ie tntcn S~lpi), _.

thought, must have the same taste,

.At that. moment I caught sigh'_ of ll'i's . father, the bent old man with the scarfaround his neck c,o;mi.ng' out lof'th,e d,oo;rw,ay., H'e passed "b:y with-

,-,' tl- 'I-,-··,··:'k-"~-' -'- .:,,- ," .. d·"·' .. y-,~ '.'-. H:-: - - .. 11"'-1'- h~ilii, -,-'"

OU, ~ ,_00 _ ,rng I,D my '_1 fle c tI"O no. . ., . e was lEa ug" .. I.ng

convulsively. I t was a horrible laugh, ()f a quality

t--'o': .... ak~"'-' .... -th···_·· h-I",-.,...... . .. :'i. b' "dl ' t"· "·d·1 .' d'

I" m..':_.e II, 'e' ~ ,al.rs on, lone :s:_·o>y :s.an~~. on eD;_",

,and, he lau,ghed so that :his S: :'oulde'r:s, shook ... I'

'718

could have sunk into, the ground with. shame .. , It was shortly before sunset, I stood U·.P"i 'wishing' that I could somehow escape from myself Mechanically, I 'tlooLk the: direction that led t,OI m'y 'awn house, I, sa,w'n:,o,th,ing' and nobody' in the: street, It seemed tOI me that :I was walking through a str1ang,e' unknown city. Around- -: w~~,eil'd isolated houses of g'eomet.,ical. shapes, with forlorn blac:k, windows, One felt 'that. DO creature with the breath o~r ife:.in j,t could ever have dwelt in, them, Their white walls gave off a, sickly radiance, A strange, an unbelievable thing was this: whenever :1 stopped, my shadow fell, long and black on the wall in th . noonlight b 'to it had ,' ... ~. .d

.. ' , .~. ,:' ,_I. : ,.1,-- , .. ct m ... ,~·n, 1';\ '_', I.,.UI .. ,1 __ " ,:,a ~ I no .Il:ea· ..

I had heard people say that it anyone cast a headless shadow on a wall 'that person would die before the' Ylea,t W3$ out.

Overcome with fear', I 'went into my house and shut myself up In my room. At the same mo'm"e:nt I began tOI bleed, from the nose, After losing a great quantity of blood I collapsed upon my' bed. My nurse carne in to see to me,

,Be:o_orel went to sleep I looked at my,self in the mirror. My face was ravaged, lifeless and indistinct, ';9],0 indistinct that I did not recognise myself. I got into bed, pulled the quilt over my h ead -. . - ud d ed --; M-i'-I ys e If u 'P"I a n d wy-, it h-I, eye S> clo Is· .. ed i:

_. _', ." .,.....!!tJ.. _ .' ',' ". 1_ ' : _." .... , ".. ,'" ...• " '. ,.II - .. Ii' ~.. ... ... . c ,_.'.'"'' .,."-,,,

'pu~slu,ed tb,e CDu~rse olr'my th,oUg'h,tB'I' I~ w'as CO'Dscions 10'£' the s,tra'nds which h,ad. been w,g'v'en by

a d,ark, IK'loolny'" fearful alld d.e:lig,h,{fu.l des.tiny; Imovled :in the \rleg,to,ns 'wh:er'f!: life and death fU!ie together' and, perve:tse .'~ mla1ges, Icome in tOr

"'9

b'·' .!IIi .. ':c- ,.::,'-.' d " ,'. ,:Ii ... ·t-' '-",. t~· -- ... ·,t d-I·' . -,: ,,' ",'.- . 't·, .....

~ __ .. eIDg aD::, ·aDIC1CIl!·. eX:1DCI "-~_eslr;es\" va,gue~ s .. rang,~

.- ,....11 .d-' I" --- . • _. '. - , ,.' - '. .... t· - I ~;G'. - .' - d~ ,- - - . -,. ....I ~ -

,eu __ esrres, againcome . co, ure anc cry ,8,IIOUU, .10"

vengeance. For that space of' time ~I' was severed from nature and If he phenomenal world and was 'p-~ .. repared to accept effacement and dlssolution in

IJ I ,y'", .

the cverlastingftux. I murmured again and again, "Death d ath '·,·-h",·_-··· ---. - .. '~\' ~Th"-' ,;i:,'L uzht

_~:.ea _' ,.~, ". :e,aJ, J r , • • WI" c.,e are you. . __ Ie u,J.ou.g~,~,t,

of:- d': e a tb..-· ":. ···--<--,th;,· -, d ~'i"'- .,-",-, d~ I' s: ']1 1-., ,_ .• }.c'" .. ' ., -

.. ~ ." I_,. ISIOO. - -e _, me ,aD·· ~ lie_., , ,as eep~

I· . -.; .. ;. - . ,.-.,' - "1 c - = . I~ -1----: d -. ' ,',' - ~ .-' '·d··· I' -', \ . -_. -, -,";11\...,- ', .. - 'h- .' y":y'

. 0,0 my s ;e.ep"_, . ·,rcaJDc ... Ii. " was In LJlI'1e Jv~O'L l.aUl-

ntadiyye· square, A tall gallows tree had been, erected there ,an~d, the bod.y of the old odds-andends man whom, lased, to see CfQ'm, m'y win'dow was hanging from its arm, At ibs foot were

11 d 11... I" d · lliiiP.: .' M-

severai 1 .• trunzen pO __ .lcem.en .. ·.;lriRJ4Dg ·Wln,e:,. ,< •... Iy

Ih- ",. 1- '. f· '. .. ~

mother-m- aw, In a state 0:- gneat Clci:t1ement,

ith tit .' hi - I ii',- ,

Wl.;·,.·1 .. il'e· expresaon W>I',(-C"I -, S-:"~12I O··'--··'D··· ml.y: .. -' 'WI'-:-'-" ···:_.'u

- - - - - - . - - .. . . ~ . _, I. ..,' .I. [ _' '._ _ _ ~r~ . _ ' I • . _ •. : L_ -_ '-i' g

race when she ;:'1: badly ·uc-rp···s'··e<··,~,t~'~I·oo::·--~·-d'lI:ps.,~s' iii.n.

'. .'. - -'. ,.. .. IN I. I__: Ai. _ ... ..:.'_ ... _ • .' __I, . '. :__ I. ·11 -: .! .' I_,I[~~ " . ~rUd"

staring wi d le'ves~was d'r,a~ng:" me b'Y~~' the arm

::' , -- 1'__ - - - .. '-' '-O'OI~ . '-, ._,_.'. - .,

.£.'L h th d liiI' -I'- -. --

,LI'lfOUg',· I~_'~le c'row'l, _gesn\cu. 'a.tIDg' 'till' the red,-clad.

hangman_ andsouting, 'String ,this one up too!'

I, .... ~' .. ,·.1 .... .,..... ". t··,··· .... ·- I" ,. '--'1 I·· ... "'. ' Ii-"'I..,'" ... e.. ... - .....

,aWOILC lp. 1 :e·rror.." was g OWID,g'luli,e a l;urnacc,

.'-.,"" b·od·, ,.--C.- "·---,·1 tr--·-·········, .• ,., --:"·th~· .-.' -: .. 'd[ .' .. bil. 'k

.my , •. i·Y w,as· 5,_.1 ea,mlng WI'= awe'.at. an::. :m'Y' Cnee. ,'S

b I. ] d h ·h·

wlere ur.nlng.~ ~~n o,r,'~ er to Iget· t :: .@' DI,g: -,-tm,are o'ut

of'~: mil ii, 'f"'ll~11'd" .) '1---·_,.:1-- ,.d·,· .~ ... , 1-1 ... ".'. :-::-1 ·'--c. -:: t-~-~ .' -'.- -:-----:'d:: ·d· 'b' ··b· -. -·d-

.,y JllI.l1J-." rose,.ranA SOlnte waer ,an'J ·a,.·I,. e.~_

'my. he'ad ,and fac,e ',w- <'e,··/,nf b' a-c··k·:' ·'0" b' ~ e- d-· b;u' t· c-:- A1t'l'd'-

l. ..' " ~ -, ~ . - I ._......... ~ _ , ,.._ ~ '1 : ..~.) • _~. .: . =_' . ~. .l;) -,..' _ ~'.. . ....... '. .,'. , _ ' -Q W: !. : _

n:ot 'fall ,asl1eep.

Lyingtbere in the transparent darkness I ga'Zed steadily at the: water-jllg -that stood -on the top~

- h jlf.- '1' h d- Ii! .. " ----:, - Iii! -

must S_.'_jei~·,. ,. .. - ,a.\ an irra·tJonal 'fear -that: It was

iii l'! "1"1 d-,.J' ,Iii;, . " . ;j .

,gOlO;g to, la·. an -', aec.l,ded. '.-'.at so . 8'Rg as 'It s,tood.

th· I' sh Id' b-' bll flatl I - ]'

.,". .-';l-, ' -.' 1- ,,: '1' I I" . -, (.... J ., • , ". •• '.,' - '._ :. - '. - • ';'.' • " .... , "-'".-. (' • '- .• _.' J '", • - ._ J •• :..... " , • ,~_ •• ~.'

- ·ere ,. .' .. 1 ·QU, :;._, 1_. e una ... e to .. "".1 asl !eep,. . -. got U.pl,

intending to put the ·ug in a safe place, but by

8',

.':,0

,C. ,.- .-, ", I ': obs .':' ' .. Y·. ~',--. " 1'- .~ ":~I·~I.. .',' -th·, :.' t' h- - c- - d I .. ,c' . 'tb' ~.: . c 7 to d .

s,o·me 0 .. S,CUfe· Imp'P)mIOD ' oa. ' la '., nO,I, Ing ~() . 10

with me mry' hand I~· eliberately nudged it so that it. (ell and was .smashed to pieces. .1 was able to close 'my ey'es at, last but I' had the feeling that m,y nurse had come into the room and was

I - -c, 1_'~' -- - , '. '1- '~-:.'L. d - - -- fis"-: . - dl th - , .,]--, .OO~lng'·· at me .. _ csencneu my·': nsts um er I' ae quilt

[ .. \

. _" ~

b·· .•.... £i.L..-. et .-:- .-···th·l,i." ... ',-. -·-~,t' efth ._ .- .. " ·d'···'l'·· .... , .' '.' '. -hi .... '.~. -: ... , ,....31

t1.tj. In lac DD,.'.·· 'I.:.rg GU.~ 0, I, e. or unary ~ ~app!enetl'lJ

In a state of semi-censciousness I reard the street door onen a'~Dd recosnised the sound ofrnv' nurse's

... _._I. _"- _ _;. ) ',r --: ' .-' -'.:', I,~ ... '_ "aIA~' .... -_ . ...::_."." -- .'_- I " .'.' '--" - .. ',I .'.:___: -'" " .~-. ".

h m'--:--iII h I'·' 11 th d

.steps as" S-. u,j~'~ln"g' her suppers alon,g tne gtoulll_:-"

buv l d d ch f - kf

she, went :t,o uy bread aft '; i cheese tor break ast,

Th-··,' ,-- h '.' £-, -£I:' - -,- . 'f- ' " ---- ,-. id -.,'

. -.Oen. carne t,·~ e rar-on cry 0 a street venc or,

,.c"M-: .-, ,(- b .-,' ~,. 1 1:':."'. ... , "I' . ' L::.:~'I. " N"- ". - 1·'C.o' - . )". "', I' r~·· - .-,- .' "',

'.'~ I~U I~;.e,r,n·e,s ,or :your [}.I ,Ie Ii 'O"llle, we,arlsome

h d b ." ITh- 'I'~ h·- _!i;

as, ever, ac .negun aga :0,. ,J. ~ ne - 'g -t was .grow.l·ng'

brig hter, When I IOIP:' ened ·my····· eyes it natch ,gf'

:__.':' • :,'-~'.' .:..__ .• '" ~ '" _' _,' ':"__L • -.-.' _, '. __ l_-,_.- ._- '~~:' :...: .:'l. -~.' =r-s r' - _'. . ,_':'__. . "

sunlight f'eftectet1 from the surface of the: tank. outside m:y' wi,o'do'w was Hic.k.e;ri.ng en the ceiling ..

1- .r.'). that the dre 1--;-' of'the ·-·'·,-··h-l't'·, h ad reced "d'i _ I.e ~ "a_ ':.,.e ,', ~e,am, ,0 .', e Dig, '.'. la,· rece.-e

aOld fllded like' 'Boe s·ee:D v,e'a~s befo;re' during-.~ m'y'--'

'.'; . -_ .. '.' - i_, ~. -=- _ .. _:. '.~'.- _." ----,.. ~ :.' .~. -_~ I' ,, __ :' .. - ,_c .. ' . - ,". __ ,- .. '. '. '_. _. _. ':"'~'. " . , ".- .-. I .. :_.

· bl~~II'djh'l ·-···-:-·-·d"·- ·M'···-.---"'-· ,- ... ~ .... --., 'b, -~- 'i'hi-;-t bl""-;, "., '---:-'" b-"-' ·k·-'-

C )' .. 1. ~OO,~". . .,y Durse __ ,lrIQ,u.g.. .:-~,~,e .ID my .:..;~eJa.-

fast· H~~ c· '-··r 'face was like' a reflection in:'1 a dis·tohrt.~'ing'--·

~~I.,",: ll~ .'_ "-1_, _l_"_; .•.. _. -~ ·~--r·".' l.~_ .:_-,_:_ .. '_'.-:.._ .. , .... I :.:..__" _ '\._- ." ._~ •. ...:.:, 1.,1 __ ,....,---'._,1

'.- . oj:, " .'. --: ·~t·-· --c.·-c··r .. ·· '~"O' 11·-·'-'-·-r .<.~ .. ,d': ·d;·--·--'···-'··-···~·· a' j·-,d-~· .'- .. )-.: '.-.',.-,' '·d) , . .,.'

mIrror, I : was S"'" .,e,an an . ..: __ ra\wn ' .. n. ,s,eeDle,·~. ~O

h--v- -.' ,." • "." :~". "d~' !"" . ""'h~" -"~r ~-I -, ·-t- -" ~~ 1 ... - ::-" ... -: ~ : ... , s"L,·· ,

av,e acq.Ulre,. ISue ,I. an un.n.a,_:.ural~" (}O',~lca-~. <1~apc,.

IOn're' m~ght, have tholugbt-thatith,ad bee'D,strete,~'ed

-' " . b··,- _'---:'-.: ,- .. -."-,,', h-' ·;-·,n,'.- -~ .' '.' ' .. : --"'~'" -·h' ;··rtL £:..' ·,:t·· ft··· d' ·ti. s ,-t'-h-: " ... , '-?'h~ ,~, , .

olut.y ,so~me I C'AVY wel,g'",J 13Sdl:I'J,e\..c ,0 _' e. c .:I.n,.

,Alth.,o'ugh N'.ann·y knew that. :n,argile'h ,smoke

.. ~." b-'- e..l~ t. ' ,- - ,- -:-.. ..:L, ·Ih• . -, -.~ .' 'h' - ... ' , -, ·,.;::..I·t b-' , . !.!; - ,-. .. _ "

was ~.aa .. I"ro~r me., n.oneILJJ!e_,ess s ,.IJ.e US.eu ._Of '_ nDg a

nargileh, ·w:i.th he:r w'heo. sh~e c.a·m,e in.to m,y roo'm,. The .fa~et is ·tb,at :she O'eve:f' felt. q'ui,te' .hef:SLelf 'until

-·h-·· 1.... ··d·· hl.:- d· .. .. :"., k· W···-:···,·:)'!·t· h· 1'1 hi (,-,-., -"·h'·~;t-'--chl·----:'a···:'t:·

81. ,e lJa _ I a .. ,. a. sm()· e..'" J~-- .a, .. ,er c, 1 '.' ' .. ,-

-:- 'L,_-,- t h'-" 1:-.- .. "'1, _-' :'. ,~_,_,'~ .. :c.-;- "- ,'b' .'. '.-,' I-ti 'b···· , •. :r "0' '0'-' 'a-"n" ·d~·· h~i'e"~r

auu,u,_~eF ][,a,ntl.!Y ,aJlalrs" a ·-,g'UI, ~J ~ ,. 1:1." ,I. J •••

-- h .' I . . b'- dl d 'iii" I'

Id,au,lgl .• lt,e,r'''''ln,~I'aw·, JS<.~e .1;"I,a.- ma,I . ..:e .. me a, partlcl'pI3'nt

8~1

i·n he - • .. ', ~ . . ·I'~£!. S" -d" --

ner mtimate . ne, :~·,.,tUpl~_. as 'It may seem, '1

would some~mes ~nd myself ruminating idly

a- bout the d-·:AJ.·n-'D1I of .... L.--: "-. - -. b - .. - '-'f" _. - - .. "

.. ':- ,', ~"~'" - ~.~~. ·.U I o~ ',' '-- Itlle mem·' t- en 0;' my nUlrses

family. For so~e reason all activity, all happiness on the part of other people made me feel like

'. ,., I

V'0~bng. 'was aware that my own Ufe was

finished, and ~ slowly- and pai,nfuUy guttering out. 'Y?at ea.:th1y reason had I to concern myself WIth the bves_ of the fools, the rabble-people who wete fit and _ healthy, ate well, slept well,

and doopulat~dl" well and who had never experience . a partie .e of my sufferings or felt the wings

of death every minute brushing against their

fac e-'s' , -

.I. . _.:_ \ _ . .,

Nanny treated me like a child, She tried to pry ito every cranny of my mind. I wall still sby olf tn:y' wife. Wh'e'nev'er' she' came in·to, the room I would cover up the phlegm which I had spat into the basin; I would comb my hair and beard and set my nightcap, ~traight 'on my: head. But I .. had notraee of shyness with nurse, How had that woman, who was so utterly di fferent from me,. managed t:o occupy so large a zone of my life? ,I remember how in the winter ti.~:e' th~ used to set up a /com· in tbis same room above, the cistern. My nurse and I and the bitch would gOI to sleep, around the k(Jrsi~ When 1

-~ . d .. h

o:~ne ~ I my eyes In tne 'transparent darkness the

design 0'0 the embroidered curtain that hung i.n

'. ,

~. I A, ,lkIOl. ~ . whic~ ~,~'~~ a }illlited, braz,ier and. 'oYer' wlUch, blanlkee, are' ,Ipreatt, Peop. e rccliDe WlithtlJelower part·or ,thar' 'bodies

URdu 'the bIaii ce,ts~ . . - - . "'" - . '~- '. '. 1 : -'':_ - ~ -"'c . ': . : - .. ' -

8,'2

the doorway opposite me would come 'to, life, 'Wh,a,t a strange, disquieting curtain it wasl O'n

-Ii -, d '''. d b I d :]1 ""k I di

It was depicted a bent O,_,I~~. man 11;.-(: an Indian

fa - k-I'~r-' ith - t -bL - hi h- -- ad 'H;_' it .. I!I!'

ra • '1,'-' wrtr it turpan on ·,1.1S_I_,e":~~:,,~, :, e was Sl~.'itln~·

lal

under a cypress tree, holding a musical instru-

ment that resembled a se.taIT'. Before him .stood a,

b,eautiful ... y~ung g·rl, ., such a girl ... as I imagined Bugam Dasi, the Indian temple-dancer t,o have

been, Her' hands were bound and it seemed that she was obliged 'to' dance before the old man, :1 used, t~o tbink to ~myself that perhaps this old, man had 'been shuc up in a, dungeon with. a cobra

d th til, .'t.,_. .' h h d b

,BD!.. '.-~I < at rt W,a!:S tlJlS experience t ~ at >- _,8_ bent

him double and turned his, hair and beard white, It was a gold~embroidered Indian curtain such as m,y father' (or my uncle) might have sent from abroad. ·\¥hcDi,eV'CF. I happened to' Iga~e' far a long time at:-be design upon it 1 would 'become' 'ft~!oLct"e'~'n'l~d-~ a:::-I'o-. d b::' a··I'-I,c~~"Dl, eep ',a:- 'S·'· I was ,-' 'W" rou '1Id-' ·w·~· a ke

_,,_ <t~""J,i'_. ','i;o"__ " ',- ,', ' '.. ,,, Q~. -. __ , '.' . -' \ .,. '. .'. =r=': '. ,~_.~-~

lip my nurse, She, with her bad breath and her' coarse black hair- a,gainst my face, would hold 'm' .. e-' clo ,a_ to h-I'IAr~'

I. L .:,~~' ',~ .' :.- - i._i\,;F ...

Whp;n I awoke 1"'n:1 the morning sb:-' ae loo .. ~11 ... ed

l' ,I~ __: _ _ ,_. 1 .' .. ...:. 1&-" -. _: '.' ", .,~ :__,~, _, l .... _ . & .,*& " _ . '. . '. -. " - .. ··A ,oJ, _'

. -~.

,cs,actly the same to me as she did on those days,

~X:~C-'- e ·_p·.it, th ,'1&': ,t- -, 'th-': ne .J' 1!Ii_.D--~ ,~S::, ~~ h er ~a:'~ c e w- -'--:r-"'AI' d .. 'IJ!'~·p-i_, e >r·· a nd '

~ '_'"_ ".'. .. ." " .. _ _ _ ~ viI l1.i.." ~l I Iii;. "~. ,~~ . _~II.. _'

harder; .

'1 oCteD used 'to' recall the days ,of'm'y' childhood '1'·'0- order to forg et the present in order to escape

. n u:ll,·~.,·' .:.'. ,. "', .. _,,~~'_' ." , ...... g ..... :____".", , ,il,·::-' '- r .... _~ "" .:- "'",

from '''-. mvself '1-' tried to fe iel 3c'S,'- I d "1 id in .• 1...,. davs

..... ; " .. ":\/' ,-'-: '." '-- ~.' - :_';::,' .,:- I~·-· .. ·· ":., _ ._ ..... -. ' 'U,Il.~ :'-" ,.I,!!iiI!"

before I fell ill. Then I would have the ,sensa'ti.o·o, that I was still a child and that inside 'DIe there: 'was ,a second self' which felt sO'rry {or this child

8'3

who was a'bo~ut to die. In :my moments of crisis Que ,gli:mp,se of my' nurse's calm, pallid :ra~e with "its deepset, dim,unmovio'g' c'y,es, thin nostrils and broad, bonyforehead, w,a$ enough to .revive in me the sensations of m""'Y---' ._'L1[1I]-d·h'o'-"o-·..J 'DAlPb-I'"g"P-'s-1

I ·~i. .~ ;r~ II, ~. J.:,' i.,. ~.~~~',' lL..Iu,-_:: ,:c': __ __ , 'u.t:,. ! :: ,,; . _:_ g,., J?:,~Jl, ,: A,,' ._

she emitted some mysterious radiation which created this peae "e'" of min d in m ie ,'-

_ . ,.1. ~ .' .! :. ','! or- . . . I . . ..' ", . . .. r •••• •• 'I ~: ~r. __; ,_ :--.-: . _ • 1JI!!i'

On her forehead there was a fleshy birthmark ~\;&l·;th:-'· ha irs sprouting r."O·I·'~ it I' d-:''" not r emember

>~y' . .tI.,._cl,. , '/. '~", '.:-.11'_'- , __ .l ,.'.It.I:_;~· 1~. I,ll, &1'_,.. .. ._I.~. :'_ ,L ,1,-, ,_" ~'. __ ::.__: _'.- ~ .

, .

having noticed it. before today, PreviousI'y when

I looked a:', t her face I did :'I·L-,·'t ,-.'--',''-.- I' tinise it D:A ., '_~, - u . I., IJ.. ~ 1,4' ",...,~ ~ '.' ~:', no,_- ,s,ern .1 .I·n,s~ " ~,,'UI

closely.

Althoug h ~ N·; a': n OIY-:--;' had changed D···~U· 'tw'a·'-···r·d]:-·r·y';' h e "r'"

.______: .', -.: .. '''''l)';-- , .. _ •. -.--I,,~ __ .: .• re :- .. , ~.':___LA.J'I.'··\.r. __ l~._._ r1 :., -1 ' •• - .••••. _ : -,.1

.= -', "' .

ideas remained what 'they had always been. The

only difference was 'that she evinced 'a, gr.,'e~ater fondness for' life and seemed ,a,fraid. of death, in, which $be reminded 'me of the flies which take refuge in .. doors at the. 'beginning of the autumn .. I on the other hand changed with ellery day and eve .. ry minute, '.'1, seemed to me that the 'passage of time had become thousands of times more rapid .. in my case' than in that 0,( other' people and

, h th I ' ... : I'~ [") L d '. If':

1'" at .' e a I tera u: OD s I. (la,I.:Y oaservea In my'st"

should ,Dlor:m,all'Y have mec':n the work IOlf years, wlilerle,as the sa:tistaetip,n I should have derived from life' tended, O'D the contrary, towards z,e'ro' an I 1 d p-'ie,"'r,""'a>': p··,··,S·' even s";a';""-' k·":·~ be .. Iow zere, There are

r ", '. '-.' - ~ ',,' '-.1 .j - 'y:' '_' . :, I., ~. _" _.' ·.1 .... · ... ~: ~ _" .. ' ... ~. • .... ;-:' ~~ I.,. _._, __ '&il .•

,> ", :.........:..

people whose death-agonies begi,1t at the age

of tw'edty, "while others die only at the very end, calmly and peacefully, like a lamp in which all

t,- 'IC'·· oil h Q"~ 'been C-'O' msum ed

.. I; V'._c,:_ .1.1iUK] [,:." I, I, .,,1.] •. 1,.:: . .:. ,.1. !: .:1.

W.hien O1'y Qu:rIS£' 'b.rougbt 'me my dinner at

,84

mi¥ay I upet the soup bowl and began to shri .. iek at '4l.L~ ton of my voice E:-'v,'·:e··'FVO-:ID",e '1[-:0'" the

. '~__; - ~ -'- - ' u,~ ." - t"""1 . c, _,_. • ~,_.-, '. ,_"--: I. ~'.I' !. ' , ,I, I. c'

house came running to my room abd gathe~d at th e" door . 'he bit zh c'am' e'" alo ,-" _, Jj'·thl - th - it

'.' I: I. I,... 'U'U' .. II _ ,I' '" 11. ,C" ,:, .. " ~ " .,/'.:1 . ,long W!i -. i: 1 'j ere," -

but she soon went ,aw,ay again, I had a look at her belly, It 'was, biig and swollen, No, she had

net had the baby 'yet. SORlICoD:e' went to' fetch the doctor. I was delighted at the thoght that a:t ,any rate I had given the fo.olstr'oubl.e'.-

'The doctor came, with his beard. three handsbreadths lO;DJg, ,and prescribed 'opium {o,r IDe. \Vha:t a marvellous remedy for the pains o£ my

II, '11 W' 'h- , k d II; 'lI< ,-

existeneet ", iencver ,- smO'le~l opium ,my ideas

acquired ,gr,aq,de'ur, s'u,btlety'" 'magic and sUD., limity and I moved in mother sphere beyond the boundaries of the ordinary world. My ,thou;gh,ts 'were fr'elcd' 'fr;o:m the 'wleighrt lof' material

li d d c~

fea-':~ty ane soared towards an empyrean of

tranquillity and, sileace; I felt as tho/ugb .1 was borne on the wings of a golden bat and ranged th:rou_g~h a, radiant, empty world with DO'· obstacle to block my progress. SO profound and delicious was , the sensation I experienced that the d eli gh:t,

it gave me was stronger than death itself .

When I stood up from beside my brazier I went over to the: window fa,cinig onto thecourt-

vard 0'· ·f' D~'cUI ;'f' ho ;Iu~~cs:e'" M'··· '"y." .. : n 'U' rse W" vas S<I-;ttl!oc':"g'C:-- in ~'Le~'

I ~ ... ' ','" '_ :_:'. '_'___:.- .. ,' .. _ ".1 :--.' :_,' .r 1! .. I ... "'. .. - :-._ ...•. :.__, .. ' 1." ,!I ;! ... :-'" .,.t ... , HI,.

sun cleaning some vegetaBles. I heard her say to her daughter-in-law, ,e'We' all feel very sorry for' him. '1 oBly' wish ,God wa;uld p nhim. ont of his mi·sery'.,:11 S'D the doctor, apparently, bald told

them I was not ,going to get. 'better'.

85

I did not it ]'1' W' ""'h r: I '1-1 ,,~-:.'.-: :: not surprise roe' at au, .' ._: _, at ',00 s a ,,'_

h 1 I W"'h II b

t ese people were ,I "en s ae breught me my

'medicine an hour Jater her eyes 'were red and

... '. ·11·" '., ith "-'." -.'" -- ." S .... ··h-I." ,6',: ,-- ~ d'i -. '.'] , . ,,', ',". , , .

swo e-n' W'·"·:I·"· wee p' I,ID;'" , .. ' i"e i·Q·'P:P.Je"· a sm I e 'I:;i.j!!' e D[',I

~ .. ,., ,.-.:._.:1 .... ~' .i • .:_~ •• r J _. I'" lb~ . I •• "'.1 ~,,,I~< •. _I., .•• ' I',.,' <-,' n.··. ".,., l

she. saw me T--;-h···AY·'" used '.,'" play-ac .. ··t .. In ... fro .. nt of

.II lb····:'· . .. - :1'-1'" -'. d""'" < '""')'" . ,[. E.. ~'. -: '-.e t_:" - -r[ -;.1. :, ,-' - . d" " .. "

me, .. _ ley au usee to p[ ay-aet ID Iront 0;, me, anc

00-· - .. -:). , .. -., '-"·'--Y'" thev did it DI . '~d"" th -'. \'., ,'".'.: .. " .. ' , .... I did w ~ ums ' .. / 1; ... ey .. " '.' 1.., i ~r I. ' .~' ,ley ,Bup',pose .'. [ .. ,'~

net know, Dl,y:self?' But w:hy was this woman of

II "1 .£1'.' d C' ~ Wh" ,-::.: L did h ~ I th I

a " peopLe so tond 'Oi mer ..; II'Y >~1:'~-c S.: r. e ,I.eer, ,,-_I -:!81't

she bad a share in, mv sU'fFeriDr£rl? Ali, that had,

I,." .o;¥ I

happened was that someone had come to her 'OIDe

da,y and, given her money, and she had thrust her . '-":nn' 'I!i_. ~"'''IIAd'- ·b-I:.," .. I"" k n:· ., ... : 1- -SI like I!t'tl- -: b ekets 'b' A

W - 1,·1i ':~: :._ 1',c_8C, "', " Llp,p,_,e,,:, ,_" '1, ~~ ! I,·. _ie ,:~.U; 1.._~e:UI'" '~,-

twee "01 ~Y' ',,:.' '}.l·pl·s.···-a·"·n-I:;-ld;-i I wish 'th- -'" a tr' th ne canker had

.' '~~ &I.~._. ' __ ____:. ~-\ . ~-' '-. _~ ,1 .. __ - ",J -. ' •• _: •.• _ :_N.~·· . J •• J

. ,

ea' te 'n-'- th em a' ·'w- '-:a'y'l Wb··· .... .':'-. enever '1-:--' saw .... -b-· iem 'D"'O' '.;:i...t., 'I'

.. ·.,;L.,,:=- ,I~ .',,_:I' _' .. '., "i,l, .. ' I~ .", [.11 .. Jj -::'~I::::::)1. . .. .. u' '.: . ,I, '[ .. -'.' ,'" ;,~,!'" .. _,

~'-: Ilt'-1 )·1. .., _ .. - ,. ti - - tc .' h '.. "k th - -. ,t ·t ... :L., - t· .; . '.' 'I h . d

teu nse vommngto '. nn 1<, ' .. ina ,a taat ume " ~~a-,

greedlly sucked out th1eir l'ife-mving" juice 'while

,~, ' .. -' .~. . : ." :'~. ". ',., .. ", ,-. ".,' .[, [_:-'i e·'···· .':~. ;- .. _' .. _. - '- - "

the w'·:a·-··-rm-;th'-<·:-: o·-f····· O-'-"U'I'l' two bodies blen de ··d·-J1 togethe "r;

._:~ ,; ""', .. ,1,1, [" ,I (I., .. I~, r,. ': ,I 1-., ,.. ~ __ ;.~, , '_,'~, _; '.' ,:~, :1. >,,_;,.,._::1 . ~'.' I" ..

S':"h[- '·'1 h· ad h .. andled me a"111 I over wh ".',,' I' ",,-:- ... -; little

I,., ,Ie, I.t,[ _ aana ,Ie, ,', :,~., <. ~~ [over' w.' ,en_J, was ,~l·,'> ,e

and ,it was :£or this reason that she, still treated me

----. . . ..

With tha ,t: " peculiar boldness tlrat 'y~ ou 'fin' d oDly:·:~ in

. ~_ _ .... _. ..,... '..' I " ,~. .' • r . , • r. ' __ J _ ~ .... • • •• I

I . : _.

wid O-:-··'W·' . s J-'05- t beea 'U" s e a t·-- o me tim e she I use d to

""'r- _"""',.1. ,'v - .; .. , ye.:' .... : I .. !.,'.~ • .- ,..".' ,_"", .'." ,I.:" UI_~. 1 I~ ._1, .. ':

hold me over the latrine she still looked OlD me B.$ a, child, Wh,o kn.ows,? Perhaps she 'had used

'.-.-.- . .,-. '_,. :-:-, :'''-1'-''':-:';' "'0" th ·r"' ... ad .... : ,. ,t-,·,-:-,· . -~"" ,t .. , ....

me. as wo'm[cil use . - ,elf a, . .' op. Ive stSr .en,. .' '. •

Eve'D P,OIW she missed nothi.ng whenever she

hi~l"-" d ."".. n d· , th .. ·· thin rs whieh 1- '. Id·:-: '. ··t··

eipe me·tO co i:DC. ~;llngs w_~ I,.~ _' ,COU"I,_ 00,.-

d . . -.. . _ -, .. , - I'·r-' th ~ - bit 'h-' , .. '~r-.. h . dJ h r' •

I 0 0[11 m,y own." :: .Ie ,_:rJ.C··· m,y WIle: "a, .. _' _. :S_O'WD

any interest in me I should never have let Nanny

,iii, h b I f it··· th

.-::." -. ": 1 :" .~ .... , •••• ,··ft·' .' ·.'··1 '.' .' .• -' I ."-~. -J - '··-::-.t,:- I • -_ .' • _.',--..:- (,( '1 - .' J • : :,.-". : - • 'I .' .

c!o'me n,ea,r me 10, .. ~i. ler P.o rese,n,ce" .. e,ca,use _1- . e.~.- I .. _at

'-'

witt- h d id f , I'd d k

'm'y'''' ' el"la:1 a'~' '1·'1" -r 'r"a:: D':·"e··· o· I, [eas~" .' , an':- ,', . [.... a '·-'n'- e--·

( • I' • _I .... __ ._:- '. . .'''('' ._~ _ J_'. C':D'" ·· .. t ••• ,__:." .. _., ' •••• :--.-_ .... ~ I~~ ," '.

a-· es-th··· .. ··f!-'t:'c· s~',e··-·;ns-·le· t: h:;""B' ." n---:- m-:' . 'y.;.. n"'u- :-:'nl .,le· h'~"a~' d': I 0': '. "r-'" p::'oe·hi- a··~ 'lpI"')

_ ,,' .' .. '. . ,. .:.:. lU' ": ". ',_: . c ' , n_:.· .. . ~ :. __ ' __ , :.. _:', " I. '. . .' I Ii. _'," [, - ... '." ," _ '. '. :

, ~.

8il

own ',." d-'-I'C" spe ra te C~;OD' ··I-·di:'~···ti--·o,-···-- 'aJ]':-I--'- ,'L...-" t·· h rad 'L'<;.;....-:-,

_;: .... . . '::. ~'. .':. _.'~' •.. '. '. '.': ,_:" D, - __ . iULa ::. I. a ~ ut::CD,

~. -. "'-:-1:"1'1, _"d~1 - •. .,_ "'-'-" ,- ,-.' ','--: the .' mbi '~"'f-'~ I d'-" -'. ~ ."

tncuteated Into, me on me ;111.--!lect 0- Ju .. gment

d . d d d alties ! ,_: ~ 1·L!'_.

ay ano rewams ana peu," .bes 10 ,L :Cu·t,u·re :. :Ii:e

seemed an, insipid fr'a,u.d, and the: prayers I ,; had, been tau ght ..... ;·,r··- 'C-'RID" ,·p-····l··-J·t--·-·ll._ 'I-:-:-:-~""~-- . '--l'! 1 -I't'

_-.~: .. _ ~_ :," . w~ \;r.,IU'·· :I,~, Ie, e yl ne!IICC.I;.lve agBlDs,

t ~h". te fear of' d .e 'a:' th

.. . r~1 J __ '. • ••• •

N the f f til - -

, 0, :_~e ,I ":ear 0, deat _~, 'w:Duld not let :me go .•

Pee .... Ie -.-,it,..:. h- , .. ,.,.-:,. not 'k"'-'-·· ,Ir.; ,.~ .. th '1"": - - .).- .. _, ..

_ eo'p_~e WIIO :_Iave nO'.'DO\¥D SU11,e;nng .. ,!e~8e:__,y(:s,

. _.'J-" .--, . d" - c_ .:- d" . , -h'· . '- _ - th ,

WJ-.~__ not unr :e:D:tan:. Ole ·W:. en _' say '.<~~~at my

:.' t'·:·,a.·· ·h· ... - ... t· tc 1=~- ha . ...1, . ,-- .... : r . ,.,: •. - c.·_' ... " tr --.-:- ..... , -' -:.- that th ~c

a, ,II,4'C" Dlen.· .-0 llI!t .. ~·au grown so 5 .. 1- gog 1- .I.a' II .. e

le ast m -~ ement a-if' 'a'~'im'~ com ··:nPDI'"S·-··B-:; ted I fo :r-> l-o,-,"n' "g'-- <-h-'Q' ·'U"""1

I-. .,;. '. . 'I" .. _ . _ .. ' .~... __: _ ""'c;;w;J~ '"' ... rl!L!- . , .~._ c~ It _ ---'----':_1, ~, -' .I. Q'

···,f'-·,'·- :,,1;, -. ·":.·a"~··'-'·' -, d _ ,,--.- .. sh

10" pa .pl''''l~.on, an ~_ ,aJ)pIS- .. II'

I sa ve that pain and d':IJ1~J·Q,s·~,e. existed and at the

• ._ r~' ,_'. J.'-_ ...... ) '-:'~ 1, __ ,_, '__:-:.' .r. ~&;&:._~~ ~ ~","~ _ . .:... ." -. ~UI·I·.

same tlme that they were 'void ,of sense' and

·:·(----.,'-::·-·~~Ii·: A:·· .-~.', .. ~- th , ":'-"1' .:," ·····r··;-· the I'--:'Y'b::-;b,,!" 'I' had

meaning. -m,on,g me men 0_. ,I e rat -"e I - nar

b r-' .

. . ,"

,'_- ... : . ...., '", .. _ ~' . . '.- -'I " .'. ~".~ ~" . " 'r '~-1 ,: ... -:.... :...... l ~.- ,--.,.-.' .~ ...•• - I ",' -. . --:-- '--""'1 '_. ~ .. ' '.

ecome a creature 0, ,8 strange, unknown race,

so much 'so that. 'thle'Y had 'fo'rgo~tte'D that I had once 'been part ,of their world. I had the dre'adfu .. , sensation that I was 'DO,t ~~e,ally alive or <wh.,olly dead, I~. was a living corpse, unrelated to the world

r-, · ,~ 1 d- th II, d'l • d-'

o ,IYID,gpeop e an· ~_, ,at '_. :>',e S8:me tltne:~ lepnve <

of-'" thc.- ..... _ --. b·· ~>-~'--~o· ,--" ,-:- .. "d' '-e' -"a' ·C" e' .. - ·f" ·d'j- " ",th"'-

.. 1 - e IO_.JlV.l~·.,n ani. P' "~, 0., 'ea !!o,t,.

It was -night when I' stood up fr;()m besid,e my'

op': '·J'!!!!iu.'· m{~· b~ 'r="'a:~" ,~:;~mi;r:-~ I '110' "0· .1'''".d.·-1 ,o,~:· ·U· ,-',t ,0':'"If I I 'tb' ... .- 1;ii:J!;' W1:·'-·D'" ·dIO·. WI'.' A··~··.

- :___ .. [ )_. _:__. L.'.·· ~£~'; !I ___;, ', &~ . ,_. ,' '_ - '_' ~ . r-o' ." ".' .• .)_

sin.g~' le 'black t~Fe" 'Ie:' W:--'· '-a··,s··~ Vl',··sib-~ Ie''',' 'b" e' s·'I~,d--,iiA the .. ·· " s·'·hi' u-' It·-te·· ':::·re-'d·- I

". , , .. 1. ..'::___ : .. '-C . v':. i "_ .", ".' .. ' ,,' " .,,"_. I,.iio ~. _, ." ." I ~.:_ "'" .

bu':f..kble· "r's'" s--:h~' o· "P'-'I 'Thl "Ie'- 's·'h' l·a:·ld-Io·_·~:;t&:Hl!i' hi: '~d'''' m'- -Pfi ig-,,-,ad: I~n·'t·,o··

I . ...:.!~I, .. ~~ .. 1'_,1 ~"Ll ".-"'i! .J·.·I'·· .. · ·_.\~;_.:.·~ ... ·····:.'· .. ,"~13 ," C&!I~.__: _'_ ~,': ~'_' •.. _ .. _r.·.·

,':'-" ~"-. b'~· ··I,-~:·c· .. -'kl '1"- "~-I'~ I' £i.'~lt :-.. ·th,·, .-' .. c· -,h-" , , .. ,,' '.:'. :·····t·hi-:'!i·:-;--- t··

on,e '-y ac '. mJBSS,., ., ,I,e~.·. ·as ." .. oug .. every .Dg ,10

,t'~)~, 'w":',o",r'l~ W .. :·,·\B';I[!!I h·' 10-' . jlftw'·- a~, D,·,·dj· p' r··n".rI·,a<I~o<n··a:"·I- 'TI b' "Ie-" p-:-)IIif.·c:-h"iIIi

,.I!I&~ ~,_ ' .. 0, '.' ,_" - , :- ' ... ~(., , .. :_._ ..... ' ._ .. t..:I-:.y, ·11i31 •• .,:.' :___' __ II ,"," \. '. ... I~" ,',

- , ,

black sky' remind.ed m.'e of an old bla.ck. ·tlent 'in.

w:~ch the Ie.ogrntl~ss ;shin~!ng' stars· riC, _,resented·

h- o',-:'-:le··'Q·- A.-·····s..-· I' '.hl:ra .. ·t·'c· b~'le'-'d:- I h·····,C··8.'··r·r··'ti'-· fr-'=o:-"'m,-" ," S·:'Q,lm· ··'··c·'·w,.-·,-;' 11 ..... '. tb,:;-:" 'e-'

_ ,..:' c~. . r,- . , • .'''~I.' ",', _ .,1 I .:.I'~' .: :.. _,~" __:: -_:_____ ... 1. 11, . ," r I l' .f.· _:'---,:'__: " • .' _ '~!I) ~ _' ._,'

, ') ... ,,,iIi .. '. ',' 'f''-':' -: .. : .. " '-' .' :I!. :-'1- "th·, .. '.- -.,. -h' :-. ·,t' - .'. ,-;... .' ···-,·,t'- th··, - -. - t-_·· - _.

vOIce 0,,1 a mueZZlD" a~~~,oug. 1._ w,as DD· I.~. e ,~JlDe

90'

.

£:'. .' .. th ... ' '.. .. ' '1' ,.) to - ; ... - _:,-- .. ,... ", .... - lit·· I"~I" . '1. 'd'-~' d 'H"~k-< th '.' 1-" ~.~ .. ' f/··

lor l!-,,:·e e,a. '., II~gl prayer- , .. / ,soun.· ,e·, . _. e, C, cry Q ..

- ~ - - .' .. ,-. uld h' -, bee . 'th;" '. b ,· ... " ,L ~ .. ,·th:, '. -',

a woman J.t. COUI a ,i' ave oeen ~'III,e !,.:lt~l''''''''-ID, me

pangs o~ childbirth. Mi'D,gJed with the cry was the ';, ... '" md '-::f~" .. ~ d·~··· h-····· ", :·"'-lilli'. -,:- I th o~'-'-'g' ":h· t ·0"·: m':' -y- -1-;'.-11£"" "I"f""

8'ODD .:,,1. 0 I, a, . 'PI ",o'w .D~g"" . · .. ~U( ..::' .': 1L.,_· ... :: ... ~ ..c, _

it is true' that evetyone has his own star in the

skv ;-, ... j .-" ·-··,L-' t be .-,,-:-,-, ote dark ant meanin g·!~I~·s·1

s~~y lDlD,e.ITIUSI .... _' remo,~e:, ,._/._1 ; ..... ~',': ... e-·-,,· ,<,_:~'.

Perhaps I have never had a star at all'

Just then the voices 6f a band of drunken

1• "1 d'£ th ,-I - tr - - t-· As" . .:L -

.peneemen rose IOU I, trom .ne Si .. ~ell~. '~_' tnev

I t, '.~ - •• r •. 1- , I. " • . .. , I • ~___. . .. ........ ,.- ',I

'marched b 'y. t' 'c'Y··;- were j~l:oking' _I ~ obscenely ,.. among' --.

____ I _' ' . I •• ~ . ..,.' ••..• • -,:_______ •.•. ' .• 1 ,'" ..... ':_______" ~I.'-· ._. ··_[:.I~.,. . ,"'_ '. .-_ ... ' .. I •• .-;--= __ ' Z f __:':.:

th ' I ,. - 'Th- ··l .. ·t·L ~.- ·bl_ .. , ,_ .. :'.' g' ,'iII' - .. bo .' '-"

l-~___Iemse'¥es. . __ ~_'e,n ... lley I"e:g~an .:0 SlD;·~: .. ID. C~I__IOIUS,

'._' I'h k b 'k ~ tho . .• d'

In terror . s~~raD~~ l):-ac __ : trOimi~'~._e WtD'·~ ow.'

- 'h '11: ii, d d-' 'I th~ h ~,i.:1!... -

", .. aeir voices resounoen :str,an,g'e.y '_~rotlgL-', UI,e~

night air, gradually gro~ fainter and fmater.

N' , th · r. tho did ... , t ". 0 ' -·1 'I i'ey Jwert' Dot co'mlDg lor 'me, I'·' ey'-. Ji~-, ,.,.011 ~

ii' '":, . . ..., .- . .1 .... , :.., , '_. 'J'_' .. : .. :'~I' .' .' .. -' ~',"_:~i'- ~~'I';'·- 'i ~, C .•• ~,

know'. ~, . 'II' [SIlence' and 'd,arkness [settle! _ dow,n U,pOD.

the world again. I did Dot tight m}! oil-lamp. It

,1 t.··t" lb' , d' ,IL.. tb'··-·- t-' d- -·n··~i£!I\·

w.as more p\l'easan' '1.0 181 -. ID .. ' 'e:'~ar&" '_:-,,8_' ~ ,_· __ e~·" I;.,.'

)- tl" n,·U!· , .... -::- W· ·,-·hi.'i!I'· ..... ,L p' 'e- rUle'-' 'a'·' . ·t·e··J" ~'~p_rvt'~:in' ~'" 'RDrd eve· :;; ry" ~

, ! ..... ' __: ,~_; . " 1;1-1: :.'_ . I. . I, : - '. ... --.':' iJI' """ " """"A .1 jUt;;,:--o - ,.~' - -- -' :.

pta<;e. I had grown accustomed to the dark .. It

~ .' th' d k ... L, :1" 4;.~." - 'h' - - - r.-

'was, III l-'.I:IC· '~;a" ~ 'U:lat my .. r·ost uJ\ou.~ ~ts, my l():f'"

. ~ th.f!l'" h..e I - -' bl ,:"':;"1';:',· - 1:...:1.- -d' .- -. 'tho. t

g:o,tten ',e'aft, i ~ i.e ,f,lg:i':'llIU" un~ -cueV',aUlie I:' _,eas . ,\'[··a,'

h- - d--' L~ -- '1 rill~':n'g- 1"0 sO"'m·· ~ un~l",,-o-"wn":" ·r'PlcA·~S""'.f! m·· y'

_~a. _ uceD lUI: 6l. ... I'~ .. : ,,' ,.,~ •. I' , :.,," I. J .J .... I', '. ,~': I, I '"' :'~iJ '~;l ... r. I ',~'

brain, used to retum·to life, to move about and "'0:- grim--~~ alt: 10-' ~Ile·· I"D:I tb'~"'e'" "'o'<"r'u-rs 0",:(' my'-' room-

!L:.l. .. r., !. ".,:.1'1 : .. < • 'luJ~~ 'I, - ~. . ... , ... :/. ~. I j:' ,'_ r._!1._., ~'-',"-I.""'~ ,I _:. . _ [ .:.. . '_' ' I[t

b-· h-'· ~'d th·,'--· '-j ,-,,,,·t' '-L'" 'b' ·'d· .. ·th·:··· d' nn'r" --I;Ailr"~· h"lo""st's'

e In'~', ~. ~ e Ic.'or _,aIDS", I :·.esl' .le'Jle~·UU';' W~~,. . -

g··· ... ,1

L.:. "

of these i~eas, of these formless, menacing figures.

ITh besi d ~L tai . £:': J!' '1- h

_. ~. rere, -esl.·. e tne curtain, sat one (;eal~I,U snape,

I iii d''''- "dtl I h-I

t never snrre ~'_" It. was nen . ier ,I loom,y nor C __ .eer-

,C.' 1 E .. I'~ b k II'

1'0_ .' . ~llv:ery time '. came~,ac'·' 'to my room. It

gazed steadily into my eyes. Its face was familiar ,.t',··" -'-1-- '-', It ,.- ..... '.:: ." ,':d: ton .:' .~>" t' !' h ad .'." that '~-'I'_:_

·6 me·. . c Iseemeo ,m,e U13.. ,., __ ,a, see.n., __ -,a,~ .lace

,.~. t :"<'0": - .:.~ - " ., .. I -( d· .' ch aild h' .... ' '···d, ;- v" ,- .lIt· -,', '.-:; " .... ~ th····

at S' ;·.m.e IUm,e ,ID Rly .. ' 1·.,;.00 ::_ ••. 'Ies" I,.c was OlD, ae

• L,~' th d f Ni ".' I I - L id

ILilLIJ;'tleeOI!. _ /:I,ay O~ 1······ ouruz~, " was :p' .. ,aytog Rl_:~e-

.J) 'k .. h th 'L_j'ld tb 'b -

ana see: . Wit·' SO IDe' 0 :~ er C:·:·Illl,.·; ren 0" ,'n ... he. nan ~.-- k

_ . _'. _ . •. I • -'"or-- _. ._.. .~. I ',______. • _ •• \. _ \1 _ .• ' I.. _ ."

f th .. S·- L 1-- 'h ii· h '-, ,-

O· .. ;~ -'e river ~_uran wnen ca"g~' It S;~g1: I't -olf diat

same face ,am·jd a crowd of' other', ord.in,ary' faces set on top ,o:f funny, reasluriD,g : Ittle bodies, It reminded me ef the- bu,tck,er 'O:PPI eosite 'the 'wind,aw

- ,

of 'my room, I felt that this shape had. its place

Iii.. m'" "~,:: life 'an':' ·d,,·1 tho II,," ... II' had !C!!!'. -' .. ', ' ···t .. r .. ,,·, before

10, ;, I.y~ ,1:11b, .. ; - , . _, ... ~all! .. ,,·a··. O'e:cn. 1 - o:l~en _. e'l,ofle ..

P"",'" ·h'· ':':'-~I':-': ·tb-:.i;!· sha Id,- 1'."'1"--::. \h-, ad h,· ... :"-'-., b -'. -, .'-: '.~ I···· :.--.r :;-", .... \..

. ,Ie:r ,aps ..... ISI "a·-ow _ a,,_ I."o·elen I_"orn a,QD,g WI.Ul

me and moved within the restricted circuit- of my

.'

. AV'III,_'·te· - 'D'I"'#lI!

~~,gl.~ . ,_.:_,I~~. !I • [Ii

As c.!"QD'·· ~,,, I stood up .. ~ Il·l~g~--:h-I,., th .,.. lamp .... L,-

__ aU·,·I.- ,go. .1;, .-' .... " .. ',~ ~' ',_',1 Ill. .' I~ ! ,.~_~ ... ,. ,'. Ute

shape faded and! disappeared. I stood in front of the mirror and, stared at m.y face. The reflection

th- ···t 1- s'-' ,- , . '. ~ ". , ".~ .. & -- .• ')'<1, , ,. 't" '.- ". 'I~-'t··- '. _. ~ -d'

a.·, I ~,:a,w was UDIi\mlc..lar ',0 me., .. '., was a wem •. "

~. h'· '. M- .. ' , 8"-' '!Ii' h -

l,nigl'ltle~D1Dg image, c:.,lyre'l.iecbo,n had become

str ..... ' ..... '-'.,. - t" ." .... - .".: ,,- .. -." I' " elf ·-dl I' ·L:,'-"d .. ··· b-" ... ,.-. " 1.1 ... - stronger I, ran my rear se ana r Ila~J .. ' ecome _1&e1

an image in a mirror. I felt that I could not remain

I JIo., ,L .. L'L ft''''1

a one In t,_flJe s,ame ,roo~m WlUI, m.Y' rle~ .. cetiO:IL .'

- _.r.;' -d - h- . ··r··· 1-' .' dl .' .,

was iural.: ti-:'iat. ,I.:'· tne'-'. 'to run away be wOlulld

oo'me' after IIlC 'We we're like tw··· '0 ca'f",n ~iI!Ii"c"'--'e'" t,Loo· '('QI'~e

'. , .. ,I , .. ~' .' .. '. '. __ .-. ,". '. .... , ~", . ..:., ~._ ,<.', '.! -. _.. . ' .. _ ... -,.:!La' I"· .'. ~ ! .-_. '~._."

p:P:Ap-~,an·:-L····"D·'g,,' t,-(~· d'I:O"'1 b···"~'i't·tl·;,,~, 'B"'-i't-' I' k-"" .-'--" .. " -th-'-,..·:t· I ':-""-'-ld-' ,k~' 1-<- - . '(:: ,0 .. :. _' _a·, ... e. ~~U" .~ . ,new '.Iat, ' COli, "" _

c,ua,te' 'm.y own complete d,arkn,es;s with the' hollow' ,of my palm and I raised my hand and covered .my eyes" 'Th.e ISe'DSaaOft. of ,holrror ,as usuJal aroiused

9>2

in me a feeling of exquisite, intoxicating pleasure which made my head swii and my knees give w~; ~(lfill;d m~ 'with ~us~a. Suddenly I

realised. that I was still standing. The ,circum ..

dd i. I'" hi H

stance stru -'c'k'-::, me as 0·' .', even mexp .. ucaoie. " .·.O!W

I ' •. ~:'.~___:: .••.. j<;~ _~I, .. - '._ _ ,'::,_",' ,.,.J ..... ,., ._:)_ . .:_ .. -" .. _ - '~~-. _' . --' ... - __ ' -------

" ,- ,j. :-- . . b' .-. . th .. ·ti. I: - .' ,. ". -'-1 .; ·-t·- ,'.-'- " 0"'- ,'.'. -_ .. 'fl'

could u have com.e a,.- sout c·. ta_ was·s - an .. · ,IDeS

. '. , . th if I~ ,

011 my feet? It seemed to m~ .·'at L : w~ to

move' one of my feet I should lose my balance . A kind of vertigo took possession of me. The

. L., d d d' ....

earth and eVJerythin,g 'upon it, 1,13'=_, receded I'D,·

finitely far from me. I wished vaguely for an earthquake or athunderbo t from tbe:_ sky which

_' ,j' lb 1- c. iL: ... bo - --- ~-

would make It poSSi:~.'.~,e' ror me: to ee II-olm 'a,gaI'D

a 'W'~io,-·,,~'I:d"-~' of 11"·IY.·h:.t,' . .and .' p .. e· ace

.. 'Jl~' - ._- V . ::, - ·bI-,· . Iii"" -,- .... '~b- .~. ··~.'It~ tc b .. ··· ··'d· I ,: aid t~IO"

"~I ,Ilcn at tast .' wenl .' :a,c-,~ _-o~·e :"1 ._ II;,.". "

1£ "'D""- -"m'" 'd'" . - th ., MI······ :--.- 1i,.·:ps..... w, ;.'c-·r-~

~""e' - . '.{~'·I ·e- • ...- ',-' . . - .. ,ey r ii,. '·1 ..... ,._I~,

..... I.:/.. ., '. """u. .. !' .. ... _. '. ," ... .. .. ii' ,. '. -'. .

.cl··. ··.··.09' " ·le.:d·> wat'·. I'· ..... ~ afr-aid of my· voice. I hadouite

" ... - .' " ,1~ . .. - - .' ."

lost my previous boldness. I had become likee the

Ries which crowd indoors at the beginning Qf the autumn thin half-d'ead fl' es which. are afraidl at "~~,,. ,-, .. '····'i_.~ - __ ." '_' _~ .. , "(":---h- ~:~.-.--.. (:'-" .. ~ and ··li "::.~< ,first ,of the buazmg of u ieir own, W.ln,g.s an, I c_~~g

to some ene point of the wal1 until they realise that ,th,e:y" are alive.; then they fling· themsel~

, II iiljL. 11 'Ill

recklesslJ against. door and walls L. ntt. uley dL.·

dead around the 8-:uo;·o'-·lr-:.

_.,ea·· ,,~IV . _ _: ... UI,_ " .... ...:. oj;

. ..l: dliIIJ '. d'il! iii. - :1d'

As, my eyes closed· ·a.~ 1m., l'n ~.', ub:nct· wo,r~.;:,_,

began to take shape around me.. It was ~ world of which I wat; the sole creator ~d which was

'.~ ..J. ... 'h'" - ... ' ...... '. I',:: ,- ~·'i;,th: .,' ,.--: .. ..-.,:~, -.--,-. .• '. ··0'" " of'~' e-.'a-· Jl~lty':~ .. , ..... A-' t'

In pel,-lect_armoluy WI,.J~ Illy ,V1SJ:.,n.· .,~--.'., .., '

all.cwents it was far more real and Datural to me tha~ mv waking world aJld presented no obstacle~

.• "'d II' ll!!It t"·· ., . d pla"c' 'e' I~l!t

RO'" b,':'a"rl n" -r' - to' lily" "l'~ ,e8.l· . n 'Ii.' :. lIDI!: aD,'~-· "". '::.J' I ,UD

,I :'-:'. :_' .. ". ". '.' .'ro;ji,' " ... '.' . "_:r-'.. . "_ .. ~. .' _."-" ... ._-

g·G'. n'J

their validity~ M:y repressed lusts my secret needs,

"~"h'~·,,; :.h'·' bad b:···-,_·.,"- i~' .. _1 ... 'th·:--·-:-·] ·d:"~-·"'·"·': ".:- .~.' . ~ .• :.- .. "', -,"

w~ Ie .'. '-- - a -. . ... egotten J.~IS .. J ,ream, ,gave nse to

~Jm.pes and _ ~ happenings which "were beyend belief bu " which seemed -natural to me. For a few moments after w,aking.r u-~-p~. I' had D:n sense ~o"f:.1:t-I~'~m-·~····e.·,·

:;-' --; - ~ ._ •. _f _. _. } ., 1IlA~"~, oJ __ • ' •• rill I, I I ..

or place and doubtafwhether I ;eaHy .ed.- It

w01Jld seem that I myself created all my dreams

and h. ad 10, 'n"I"rr knll, O'~ 'wn': '-'-"', th .... :.-.' .-, .. -' et ,.,- ·,t- ....... · -~" '., . " ill -

=: ""- ":'e, <.I_.~':.,,, ,I., e correct 111:,e'Fpr,etatl,on

<,Qfr them -

~:_ ~tl-I --. '1 'I I'"

, A. greae part 'of the night had passed by the time I fell asleep, All at once Ifol.Jnd myself wandering free and unconstrained through an unknOWD town" along streets lined with weird

houses of ,a:eo:metricai, shap es~p~·n,. ," sm ·1·1~·y~·. 'C'·'D'· :D.I~S'::-

b I ~ , ,0;.;,' '.'_". '-"!."

cubeS~with low, dark windows and doors and

""al)s oyerg~~ with vines of morning ,Jery. An the lhhabltants _of the town had died by some strange death. Each and every ODe of 'hem was

,at"a- 'B·ld· l~-" g~' "',' .. ti '.' -).: ··· ... 1 -. ith --, - , ....... ,. dre of 'b' I~ 0(11

Q. ~--'-' 1 '. !:I 0,_-, mo~ o,n _"ess, WI.-.! t.WO"FOpS .. , .-ltl' .••.

from his-'Moutbeongealcd upon his coat. When I touched one of them his head. topped and fell

to the arou'Rd"'- - .-

.' . - - le,A .".' '--' -, -' . ".1

I came to a butcher's sh'op-: and saw there a

~I I. " .... r: ~". &'~' _ .....

-- - ·',·'k th-·, odd' d-end ,." .

,man ,11 .. e ':. "'e' ',C-,_, .. ~~S ,an' . -ends man in front of' out

house. He had a scarf wrapped around his neck JUdi held a long ... bladed kni-e in his hand and he

stated at me with red eyes from which the lids seemed to have been cut .off. I tried to take thee

k- . :,.-:.. .c. -- -,' -. h:-' .'.'.- h'·· d H' I'· ln ,- d"- .. ~ I d :- --: r-

nne rrom '~JS ,1 .. la.D~·_. ,~~IS neac topp e·.· .. and fell

to' the ground. I Bed i.,' terror, As I ran aloDg the streets everyone " law was standing motion-

less Wh";':' I 'h' d ~ hi ·'1 ' b

.. ~<~JJI. . ..... r ~Ie,n, :fre,a,c~;__,e", ~y 'I;at;'il.e:~~ln-,. aw's ,.' ,OU8e'

O,AI.,

::rr

'have no doubt that when he stroked his wife's

bod ,~·i .. '.' .. :.:~ . h': . he ,. _. I '. I ~ -- :'1 " -~)., '. ~'-'-' .~, '.' _..'

... ~', y at mgnt ne ~ou d think of the sheep and

reflect how much be could make if he were to

ki I his .. - .,~ .

~l " ',' '~' . ' .. :.' ' "

,. ,. :., W··' .. I,·e·-

. , , - --. . ." - /II!I

"Wh'--'i e··n' tho '~'. ·t·~d':'·:1'-· _-, , ....- ,-, fi--·· h d I 'I' :-

.. __ .: '_ el }':lug-up was, DIS, e . went bade

to 'm-':- - "Y': room " a:- R' d .... 'd_;"" .. --..-." . .c" I ,'.

..... '. / .. , ..... ~L' ..... ~a, e a re~OI1.lt:iOll, a Inghtfhl

reso ~1~~'lro\n'-' I W·" ren t· 1--" ··t·~· ·t' h·· 11,·t,·t-l· -'. cl"-' . -' ':ff':"'~':

~.I''''U... ., , .. Cc_. no tne "I"e,osC!:t ,0_ my

'I"ftft'ml, 'i a' Did" too I ok 0" ''-'''UI t a ',' b:A'n' e' h' -'. '-'. «. d ]/ ··d· ' 'Ii .......... '. L":.- -. hi- h

~'U~':_ .' r=»:: .. ,'-, :Ii#' ,1_.' aO"_.-,I:' snne w_ :C,~

I kept In a box there I wiped the' blade on th. '·~ki-·'· _·f···':·-.- .... : .... ~-'~.<.'_ "., ,-~'.>,',.-,'~' "-'.' 1>.~_: .. _,I~_ tne

s',n or my caftan and hid It under the pillow.

',. had made .th,is resolution a long time· before but there had been. something just now in the movements o£tbe butcher as he cut tip the legs of the sheep, weighed out the meat and

""L '<', 1- . ··I,"-d···'-' ... '-,'~. ,- -- d-': - "..,1.. .. '.'-.~

lu~en. ~O(:llLle: .. ,arOUD,.· W1U;~I, an ex.p~· .,reallon, of se f~

:II£!. .. '_,

latis..aetion which somehow made me W·,.·· 'a n~·· t .0 .. ···

iii • .' ~ -! . • _. • • J 1 ,I IJr' .

lnuta~ him". This !Vasa, pleasure that I too must

expenence.1 could see from my window a patch

O'r' P erfec ' .. t deen bll "" th '''d'' f h .

_1i.1:-lt,~·., ,,:~~,~:p 1,:_U'C' ID.-;.e ,ml·:-'.Jlt or the d,o,uds,.

It seemed .1;0' me that I should have to c:imb a v~ long ladder to re~h. th:atpatch of sky. The bonzoD was covered with thick, yellow deathJy~'

clc f ',d,' \.... "'. i:·b'~ch··" :. ,., .. ' .'~" . .' h ed "L,._. _>11'-.: ~ I' ,: ... " ,,' _:','~' .1., ~'::' ""_

.. au s w; I .... c welg .. e, heavily upon the whale

lelty.,

I't .,&ra,··8·· h.,-:-'o"r-'r:Ii'b")e" Id~~A.Ii,iIi'C··~"':- ;--"'. . , r r c ath ... -.:, F'-""""-' . .' ....

.. "1,,_, . -'-'-' .... ,;, .·-~.L·o,I,DUS w'ea· '·c,r. l_,Qlr some

h~ hI" ,

reason WIC',.. ..' ca mot explain I crouched down

to th -:-,A, fino·· ",P' ID-~ ........ 1·5· ,,:~~, 'd: ·f·:·· ,-. ,. tthe I' I'i

...... ,"" ."''''"".'' lUI, AlD' oi weatner i. a,ways

tended to think of death, But it was on)y.· now'

"'·hi .. : de '-h- h··!Ii £';., _. .1' '. '~,., '," .. './ .. '.: .. -, "

weneat.'ils race smeared with blood was

.. - .. ) , c' '" hir .'., ~ .. ', 'h'- ',__ 'j il '. - ._( .. "~, ,-,._.;,.: <, .. " ..... 1.>

C ute Ing my t areat WIth hIS bony hands. that I

made up my mind. I made tin m~y •. ··.· mind. 'to tale

th b!li h ·th·.. .F·,.· -, - -

.' " ~ . ~ '. [-,~: .'. ~ ". ". '. . .', . c·_ .. ~.' -.:-"', -.. .. . ~_ ;-. 'II!.

e ,.Itc. Wli. me, to prevent her from saYing

g6

~ . ~'.- 'G'-" d'h 'l - . - ~ .'. '. '~:."... h" !s'

whe'R I had, goae, I,' . 0-,. __ ave 'mercy' on l'll,m, 'I:

troubles are over.'

A funeral peocession passed by in .front of my window, The ,coffin. was d:r,a'ped witb. black and

,'. -, d' adl . ,~> - d .~." - ·'·t' M-:-- .,: ',- ,_- "'-".-. " 1'1' -:b~,:,t·'

a ligh.tec can ~ e stoo: Up0l11 ,._C year caug

;l.L «r: .,_1. ll'·Al'J .L' • AI" I til' tn d esp eople tne cry, .L.11181,:r.uid ar nuan 1.-- ~~'. me ~. 'a[·,~e<",="~Y.c':-'~-'

. " , d !Ii,

and die passers-by left whatever they were, Olllg

.>. '.~ d W' '_"'II~e' d .' 's' eve n pace 'I' 'a~ fter the coffin -. Even the

an, -:. . "" iII,&.' . . ''_ :...'. I. ,-.:__,_ ,,~..~ '.. : " .. _ ",', '. .' _. , II' .' . _._ _ , ,

buteher came out, walked the regulation seven paces after die eoffin and returned to his shop. But the old pedlar ... man did not stir from bis

, - iii b d

place .beside his, wares. How serious every.oy

S· ud .. denly loo···,·····"' .. ed I D ·"o···lul-lbl,··t'I:-~s·~'s< their tbolug,~'.hts. ' tad

,t, .' ~ .' ~ I'·j _",' I .. "Ia.·:...: . __ Ii .. -. '., '_ . . ~'!'" _'_, -.". I _ ~.. _}... _" _,_1, ._' .......

turned· abruptly to the subject of death and the

-'~t'·r···· ,1-.II~~e·- W··:-···h····n-· m.I·Y·" nurse bro .. ,·,'u'g;ht .me mv

iLllJ I~ I - .I~. • . , '"'" ': ,_I,. . , _. _,,a: IiJI . - ._. ','

rn~dicine I observed .... that she looked thoughtful.

She was fingen~ the beads, of a large rosary 'and was muttering some formula to herself. Then she took up ber position outside my door, beat her breast . and recited her prayers In a loud voice:

... M'~' G'" odl M"" ""I~ d I'

elY ·i~ .I."y uu-o-o ... ~.. .. .

Anyone might have tboughtit \fI1lS my buslnes~ 'to pardon the living! All this buffoonery . eft me completely cold.t actually· gave me a certain satisfaction 'to' think tha t, for a 'fe:w' seconds at

d .. -

a" ru''V ra 't· e th .;: ~ r a b ~~ e-rne n were un er)"o.tDc~, f .tem-

.' S . 'Jk .i.· ' ... :"t . - .. ~ :', - _.__ lUi .... ,*&~., .,~ .. ,--- - b e,

Porarilyand superficially it is true, 'somethin~ of what I was suffering. W.as Dot my room aeoffin? This bed that was always unrolled, inviting me to sleep, was it not colder and darker than the

.. " . j .' ht th :' I' ., .', I, .Ii ... \.' :Ii ··C· '" (--:'0' ·t!:"ni·

grav:e? The ,tlio'ug!r~ft t "fat .1 was .flng lD a. C 'ILl,

': 7Iu:~: . . .' ~ IJ!I.. . .• aod-- ::- . ,- ~., ,-. I"! ..... ..I:I 'pa" n" of.':: . :,: ·t·· ·h-'• M~' •• -!~-111,em p' .·,ro_iOD or·CId,th.

. I· ., .. II· DO " 1· DUll. ~ I' I ... , J .. ' ..... I I""" , . ilJIII _. ,.

. '. ~ 'it!..' _.' ". _" '. - - _. - ,_ J

9·:7:::'

'. I:

gQ

to

-

fingers· I would care£ullycollect together all the a~~~ ~f m; b~~ a~d-hGid them tightly in ~y

h ··~·D·· ds to p.~~"'e·,n· t th"::.-"j!I!D1··I. mv property, f]r'CJ:m

____: . ......:.a·· . -0.' .' L Jl.T''''''.;y. , '-' .~, " 1.,1..& J. .' L - -.: . - ..... , '.'

passing into the bodies of rabble-men, . . .

Sometimes I im.agined that the visions I saw were those w· ··'b'· ic .. ·h;·, a 'p"'p' 'e"a"" red to eve r:y-:-·-:-o·n· ·c····· 'who 'W'BS

.', .';!I.,"", . ,:~~~.::,.~,J.I~ : __ . < . .' ',' :. ",' ~' :.',_ .. _' .. "." .:.·v:...., .. '_.· /_. [:"~

at the point of death. All anxiety, awe, fear and wUl· to live had suhsided. within me and my Rnunciation of the religious beliefs which had b~p inculca:ted into me in my childhood bad given me an. ex.ttaordinary inner tranqui lity. What comforted me was the prospect of oblivion after death. The thought of an after-life frightened and fatigued me. I bad never been able to adapt myself' to the woold in which I was now living .

O:£·j·· rhat use W' 'ould;~ another ·w····,·o-·;rI11d·l- be to m e? I

, W, .. :",! J,: '.' .', ~<.r '.1 ._ ,"",. ,. , .. ;L'L,:_ '._ ~ . ...:.Ii.. ~ 'f "--: . '.' .. ":"

felt that this world bad not been made for me but for a tribe of brazen, money grubbing, bl~stering louts, sellers of t@DsQence, hllngry of eye and beart-for people" iii fact, who had been

- t d i 1'··0 0 n 11 ik eness 'aD>\~1 W'~ :b' 0-' fa w- '-n~ed'i an d

eTe'a: ~e·, In ,'lwJ .,:W L. I L· j~~,i.j. .'.·u· :i·. -'if '.'.i j'. ' ' .. ,_.t)4;

grovelled bdbre the migbty of earth and heaven as the hungry dog outside the butcher's shop wagged hi.& tail in thehope of receiving a fra ... ment of offal. The though.t of anafter ... li~ frightened and fatigued me. No, I had no desire to . see all these loathsome worlds peopled with

repulsive faces. Was God sum a~enu ~at He ,., .... d - ~ InA1:';;'DfI O'V- er H'I'SI ·'·o·De·htJ· 0"0' AI l:nSU'I~~;I' lOR :my, ,I'VW:&& ""b~'~:" ",-..--:':, ~ __ ' ..... ~' [ , 'v,

worlds? I must speak as I think. If I bad to. go through another life, then I hoped that my mi .. '~ and senses would be Dumb. In thateven:t I could

919····

':' .......

h d' d

_ ,'., _ I I -'.. . _I ,'-, _ . I· ill! -. ~

_a: occurred to me several tnnes, A,I 11'lght my

room seemed to contract and to" press against my

b - dl '.' M··:I'~"7 I!!It'~ ,:.' "','- b ~-h' :"",~ .' '.' ····l~· h' ~"l ::' ... :th···':- .;- .. ~-,,~'- .. '.

_~O-.~,y,. .ay 1_ not I~ e t "at. poop Je " ave t us same

sensation in the gr,av·e. ,P' Is anything defini te blOwn about the sensations we may experience after death? True .. the blood ceases to Ic'·'r'"",~u·,·la} te

. , __ ~ ," . " .. , ..~.'.' " , - ~. :. - '. '., .'.'~~ .. ' ,.." .: .1. __ I~,. _ 1 c.:_, .,

and after the lapse or '~nty-foDr hours: certain 'parts o;r the body' beg,in to decompose, Neverthe less the hair. and the nails continue to grow for so".' m', 'c timeafter d .lJj.a·; "L' 'D' .. '0· .. · ·s: 'r;~'" " '" c.' b'.'''· .-.", :. . · ... .d -- t' l.... ,. . .~ 'L ..

_.'. -;, . . . ~ w'~r_·''\.J'_: _.LlI,~~ .' (. cnsa, on an~, . llOU~.l.lt.

cease as soon, as the heart has stopped beating or do they continue a vaaue existence. alimented

:- ~' I '. - !Iv ' • I!" - ~ -.- - .' . . , ' . -,' \ . '- :

by the blood 'stlll remaInIng in the minor b.lood,-

""·"'~"'l" .]. , T' 'OiL,!.,. I!.. et ·-·,f·· d'['··· .-~. ~ e: £. '1 -[iii '.

yesse s ~ .. ne J.3C 0' ,"Y1.ng IS a 'learlUJi thmg in

Its I e" "llf' b lil·t-· the tee .,- .. ".. .- .' th t .. d d

. . 1< ' .. '- .. I "·.·u'c .' ',!e "conS'elQUI,neSs . ~ .; ,a~' ,o'n~e.' 'IS, .: :.ea··~: ,

'w···, -ftu- - ·ld...: be;" ,e~~r-" '.' --: .~ ',: ". 'So .:~" ~. ". . I.~ ' ... ~.. die with I

.,IU' "~.1 .... .'. ',' ,I,A, wo,·se.· _··omie O,IU Dlen,·le Wl~~I,_ ')a

s~ 'mille· 0:::'::',0' ~:L :::_.III! -- 1,'· .. - ":- )- "1~1,.~ .. -., " , '... .:-' . ; ... ~' ',. ~ ~ .- ... ··-,1,'-"'-= . '.

~. . c ¢ _. .• '. __ .' ;u'~lelr illlpSL . lau:: peo:p. ,e pasSIng J:pom s.,e-cp

Into a deeper sleep or like a lamp burning out. What must. be ·the sensations of a young, strong

m·· - h di did I , 1 d h~ .' -. _

. an W.)!O. IC'S ;SU,·i .... :e,ny' a-II":. w'·o continues for

some time longer tOI struggle against death with 1\11_ the strength of his being?

I .lhad many' 'times reflected en the {act ;()f death ,and on the decomposition of the component p' arts

ofmy~ body, s~thai thisicl;' had ~asedct:frigh~

me .. On the: contrary ~ I genuinely longed ...~' p·~Gi.a into oblivion andn~n .. being. -Th~~nly $iitgl reared was that the atoms of my body should later 10 to make tip the bodies of rabble-men.

Thi tb h beara

_ .·IS ·~~··,ou;g::_.t was unbearable to me, There: were·

times when I wished. I' could be endowed ,a'fic:r' death with large hands with )ft'ng"'" sensitive

. __ .. ,. __ ,_ ':___" _ ....;: :, !__V,., ',<' '.' :,I,.ID'."._,'"

'I' ..

. .. .reured as deep as 1 could into the depths

of my awn being like an. animal that. hides 'itseir in, a cave in the: wintertime. I, h eard ,- oth er pee 'p' --1- es

~ . ,_ _ ~~II'., )"~~~"t. '~. ' U,L.,I. ~l.. ~. ~c ._", ...• ~ I'"

lI.oiees ~th IIiIY ears; my own. l heard . ill . my threat, The solitude that :8 0 rrounded me' 'was like the dee~, ~eose night of etcmit~, that Right of dense, choglJlg, contagious darkness whit;h awaits

the m~D)mt when it wiU descend upon silent ci.ties; :fiUll of dreams of lust an~d raneour, From the viewpoint ·of this throat with. whicll I had ~tlentified myself I was nothing more: than an insane abstract mathematical demonstration. The' pressure whieb,jn. the .. act of procreation, .holds together two people who are striving to escape &om theis sdUtuck is tb;result ~tthis·same stre~k at: madness which aists ill every person, ming.led With regret at the ·tbougbttbat he is slowly

sJiding towards the abyss oC· death, • •. ...

Only death does Dot lie,

. Tht- p~enc£ of death annihilates all super ..

Badons.; We" are tb,e ,clJildren ,of death aad it is'

death that . rescues us fro·m the deeeptio~RS ef lite,. In the ,1Ui,dsc 'of ,life he calls 'us and summons us to kim. At anagtl: when we have not yet lear-nt

the language ef men if at times we pause in our

,1'00

BUlle. that. buo,re me some' murderer, ,sOIJ},e .dis-

eased jnad' -,:-: "L ...... ,d,·' li""·' d .,-, '~t'_' N"I"-""t ",--,1"'-' th -

eascu m~-; I,' ,maD, 11iI',' ,,1 I,ve ", ln, I.~, I ,,', g, 'DD, 'Y"I'I e

'w,al'll o,C' the room "its¢lf~ biut the view from tile

,.",. "d"""I~'I"'" ~L-,'" butcher th"" eold '''''d':'d,l, and "''''d'''I'' "',,, "',_-,:

WlD_-,OW,,. '''''cle~ "-,g,t(;i'I,er,, eo.,", ,0 ~" ~1,sllian",'~en. __ ls IllraD¥"

m'· :c--y':o: D' 'illiiI'IN:!IlA th -,., biteh and "-",,',,"-",",- ~" ,',,,"-~ - '", 'b""-' ,,-,~':: I ",', ed

" ',: I.I~J'~',' -- ,I~ ,~,_.l,"~l ~"_ leVCIry;o-ne w: I J'QIRl . _ use,~~'

I.h --~- ... ,,"----: " .' ·t· ,L .. 'L_ . :1 "til r: • " __ ', " hi 1- ich 'I' ate ,-" b -,,- ,I','

WJ ,ICC;, even ne ~W"· rrom w .' IIC., , , ate my oar ey~

'broth and the clethes that I wot,,---all tb,ese had,

ired iII.:L d- h- h hts i

eenspiree toge:,uier to, engender SUG~,_: 'tLou;gljtsl In

b·"

,- -:-'1) , ~.) I'~-~' .- L-~ .- -'l

.my "ra~II,~

. A fe'w nig,-,h'tl aeo wh~n I t·- nok o~,it-- my clo thes

, ',,', - " :: ':. '. Ibl'~"" - - ~ '-' _:_ .• ~_- 'C_,,-- - --" ,....,. :,LlJ,~-_:_

,Ii" -,'_' _ "b··' -'II.~ .. ' t ,t"h' - L,--- "",L 'h '-', .- ... " .:L<" - b-I "I" ,"I - It

m a: 1C,U_1Clle a. I" __ ~;e ILlaU'I~ ,,8OSC" :1R}1 ';LI;troiugJ~tsc too,,~ __

a new -dirmti(Ull. As the 3ttendant )lQured water

,", ",- -, -" -,. "b -, d 'I'" £; '1:., - -- 'fbi ". h" b1 _ill.., ... "L h

over m"' : ea .. ~J:,re\t1 0,51,. '. I iOI()1l10'" ,.' 'IllV ,~a'llA 'tll'OQ.-·· ts

~~_~iDg\Vash~~- ~ay. {>obs~~ed_my~ado~

on the ;steam,·,·',-y.··· wallrof the- bath .. ho __ ,-'u~I .. ,C!~,,, '1- sa ,--"W'" that

__ ._..___.,-;:- ......• ,"\ _ .. -_?,__ __ _ __1 _' .... __ . - _' , _~'."_' .O~. ,IIJ.! .. _ c": '_. _. __ '

I wal as ttail and thin as I - had been ten years earlier, wien I was a, child, '1 rl~D1elnbefled

d- ,'t"·-, """t"I" ,'th-;-I' "t ," ... " ".'L'r...l:- ..... had t~"[I"t( .,iL" '" '., "~'" ",."" 15 ;ID,O"-_y ~~a" mY,II,J:aU10w ,_8,-, 1J1Ii_,_eDU:f,en m Just

the sam 'lie· wa 'Y-'-' An' '''''~Iif/j, wet 'W<' '~'i,'a,'C"Ir1' ef th I -e' '~,;g;t' h L·O·;';·''II<'ilII£!IL •

..•..• I ~ 1'- ',.-. ','"l!.: ~ tlf'~.~~ ~_.<' Vi.'. LlI'~ .. _ r ' _.,;~ ... _:._'':~'_'_. JJ v-~ .... ~.I., U,Q, _- __ ~' ~Il ... _·.'~~~""

I 'I Ie d d ' bo d Th th ,ji,

, ~I :-e·--:: r'~ey.'W-:····:-,'" ,a:l't m'll' y' =:"., y~''!1!'" . nerewas some ·!i"I,II~-'g,:-:;

U1J~ _ . "" . A~ _. . . ' . ' . ~. . '. ~ "-1~' lk~~ . L> •• ~ 0;. _' i~ ,"

'. :. -

1,--;- iOI ::r~ ,~:~" . S a·:-"· I~ '.' ,t~' h·- I'" ;.' :1-·" ,io. ". '. th;' 0' ," Ic ',".- .-" k", , "I", -C' ",", '-,- -c- I,

·,a£JClV~~U, " ,D,w, ye '.~ ,~_ope~_)ess 10 I_-'_,Je QQ,_. Q" my

thighs, calves and loiRS.· Their shadow too ha,it not ch '0"0" ged 1"]''hP'., '.'Aft -y,--:_,p'a"'r's' b ·£".0"'11""" w-' hen '1- '1:.r~I," __ ' ,.:. '.,_, L~',!!L;.' :"].,,IV'L' _l!.~A':.I_""'r",.c-" ~11"!I;,V,, "",IJ~,~,~ '_"'~,~a

only ~ 'child.. I "felt: 'tha,t m~r wh,olc' life had p!usedJ without purp,ose or meaning like the f1iclierin.! shadow:. on the: bath-house 'wall .. Other peo'p,)e

,-. ~',' ." -: I :, '''''' - solid J,., ... ~.' ··:-:·k'" . : .' eked r D' ",- .,~,. " b t":l- e' ',' " t- 'h' '~, ,'-' 1

were mJllSIII ve Q~.II.,~·, ujlC···,-,n,lel~.r,~.,I,1) I,OU, .. :I_I,~.S_S, tne

shadows ";\"e,:t¥':.' east O,''-'D th -4~' stea mv wall n',r';·'~'L.~ bath ..

'0' -- ~, ··u .. ' ,,_ illl·, .'. 1~'Qia .'. . .,,', \ " '~'. '_ ,,~, ,,-,~ ' .. /. . ',. " :_ _ U;'" 'UJ~ G .. - _'. I '

h o ""u-, Ilr~a 'w-':·' :--:-,-e'[IO' b 1'·' og'~"T!' a '0' d d e 10" - se '·r' : . an dl ]-1 eft t,-h'- ei f'

. , -, " r;J.~ . ,'. , ',_, c ..... ' ~ '. ,bo'- ~,1. ' ' . _ .'~, ~ _ ' • ' ,0 _ ".' '. ,~L. ___: c, ,~ll - " L- ' ,

'imip,d'D,t £-o,r. some moments after they had gone, wh,erea's"mine was effaeed lns~tantalle--ou$ly ~ Wb,en

I had finish ed dressina ,--:-~t' ,"',-,,' the bath :,~",'" ',', st - ,","'-' nan ,·111;." ec 1,.",'_'-lesslD,g aner me .. ·"al,,', my Ics,-ures

,I "oS

-' . ..A the' .. ' '-:_'.' "-"h"~~ ':~-m' :-d: ,.:~ ,.~-.-. :":lk'D···,.",e_·' '.,j .. ,~;'n, 'I!t, ._il.ral'~' .Q,I!, :aD\I: .' I, '.Ou'g .. '~LiI le:~I~_I~<__ ~ ~I;I- '.- -r: - -ai~-'. . _.' :~.., MifiJ

tbqugh I had. entered '~' diJret~t world, •. though I had been born a.gain in the old worldtJtat I detested, At, all events 'I ,cGtild say that 'J. had, aeq uir.ed a ;new; lite, for it seemed ". a miracle to JrJe 'fhat . I ~ h~d '" not 'dissoJYedU;- the bath 'like a

lump of salt.

My me appeared to me Just as strange, as UBD1B'tur,al, as. inieKp,Jj,ca'ble:" Dr the pi:c,t,Dre ,Ob the

pen-cu~th~t I amusi~g this moment as I write. 1 reel that die desigD. on the lid of this peo~e 'mus,t, have' been drawn by aD arriIt in the ,gri,,,1 of some mad ,o:bs;cssioD,. Often wh',en 'my eye' tights 011 tbispict.ure it strikes me as 8OnWt0W fa",~·~·'·~ar. Perhaps thiS pieture'is the reason why .. . . ~P---r'-'h", 'a,."'p'l" it _ is this 'poictuf'C that im~lI, me to

ilil ... ~~ ... _J "1,-- _I. - '_"_.,-' .. -' '-'_" ," ~. ~ Ir~~:r,: _

write. It rep:rtl~.ts a C)'prdttree at the ~oot of which is squattiug a bent old man Hke _Indiarakir.. He' has a 10111 cloalc:wrapped a.bout him and he is 'wearing, a turban, on his head. The index fin_ger of his-left hand is ps:ased to his Ups, ill .3 'gesture of su_rprise. .Before, him It sirl in' a lo,n:g 'b,Jack, dress is dancing. Her movements care

Dot those of ordinary peopJe......1he could be Bugam Dasi.S,he· is holding a Hower of morning .gl~ry 'inhe~ h~d~ ]J~~en' them nms a Httl;

stream,

my Ixdy wasdreamiDg and. '!flidblg thro,.b space. It jl,eemcfl to have been released, {roar the

b'urden and ,contamination of ·'the lower ~air anel too be soaring in un urdmown wo,rlld of strange col~u~ and~ha~. 'Th.e oPi~m h~d bmamed'its vegetahle soul, its sluggish, 'ftcpta.ble soul,

• c· d' I 'I'~:' .. ..3 ~II d ~

I'DtO :my' :1 fame'" ,aD",_ i UVCU, anu lDo've:' l1R

a world IdC v;egctah,]e existence, Bu~t as, 'with

m Jv, rlb:;-, .. 1_, A-,~:r'''' m' 'y~' shoulders ::r Idr,g-.-"w-':'s-d'

" "J ''\i.oo_~_ ... U¥'~I, "'.~ " ail . I-~'''__ "U ~JI,A, 1:__: _' ' .. "~ ~ ,

besildetlte leather ground-.heet on which my bra'mer stood, the tho~lht, of the g"i;d ,od~dl~"a.DClends man for some reason eame to ~m,y mind,. He used to' si.t: huddled, up besi,de his, 'waf1es in 'th,c SaIII',!:' ',OItU[fIC as I: was. then in. Th-,e thol,gbt, struck, IDe widl borfior,~ I rose., threw off the Icloak and. stood ill ·'£(O:lot' of' -tile: mi'ttOI".., M'y cheeks were inft,aJl]!ed

.... '0···- 't·- h'··, .. "'""" .... ~AU· r·' ""'f-' th " .• ' D1"- ·,·e-'a·:"·t'~ '~ilrl:;qiI:t'" ha D" ,,~ I~~' .r~.AD-.-·'t-. ,ftf' ,,-

ILl_ "_ - I,"" t"iUl.v _:_" v;__ . >--,''''''' _ _;~'_" -. U<lu, - ,'- I... 'b:iJ ,1.-;1; UO;,Uc. ,_ u,

b\ufch,«n' ,sh"op,s~ 'M', beard was, d,ishevelletl~ And

yet there' waS sORlethin~ imm.a:teFial, smmethiRg fasciDa.tinlt in tbereftectiol'Jl that fsaw.. 'The ey'es wore an eXp·ress:ion or weariness and .sufFering like those of' a sick child. It. was as though everythiD;g that w,as :b,ea~vy, earthy and b~uman in IDe had melted away. 1 was pleuedwith my face. I inspired in myself a certain voluptuous satisCae .. dtJD,,~, As I looked ,j~l'tOI the Illirror I ~said to m)t8elf, ~Yout paiD is SO prol'ound that it has settled in

.. L'e:: '~.p, ..... ,Lc,a nf': y,"':ol-~"u-;'r' PV·C··I! - . ·Q:nJ~ 'Ili'f';" ¥iO·,,·U·_1 we~n.

Lll.. u~, ,U:fu u, '.' -.. '_'7,·0' 'ii' • • - .u,:t 'I . ., ~r'

the team 'WiD bome lif:9m the very depths af'yoUt ey,es' or 'they~'wm' I'.t:.,tc~meat aU.' Them I .;saicl.

'Vou are a (ool Why don't you putaa. end to yo',u:melf,hc.,e and B'OW·'? What are 'you, waiti'ng 'for Pi

10-" 5--'

, .. I~;' ," : .l .

Wha·,-·'t·-· 9hr ave 'r~'D-"U" tIO'" hope for now H·'I·a···' ve you

u ". " ,I .' _I . _ • I.' ".::_. •... - ... "_. __ ' .' .... .'. -. I.~·- I ; .'. .' • _, I. __ . .'_., .: ','- .. ~ 'I

,~. .

for,w:o'ttc'D the, bottle 0'£' win,e in the closet,? One

' " .. _I .oJ _' '__ . .. --~ '.~ - '." . - _", - .. - r. • ~',' '_" '_" " -'.

zul -., . "'.' d<' ther -.'.-" , .. -: I -~"- d .. ' ,f":,' :: '-. ,·,th·· ~;, .. ",

g ... _p, anc I nere IS an ,en··. 01, every' .ID.g... • '., II

F"-'" ,'11 'y ... - .. '. . 6": . '1'" '8'" - - .~ I - ta . ·'l~ki· -- -,

OlD .~ •• !!!. QU. aile a . ~OOI:, _ .. _ • " ., ·~ere .. am, >' .1 ,. DS

'to the air!'

TIle t~_QI\tg-hts which .came into my mind were

r _ . . .

.. -; .' .1",·-:-·d::-· t .'. " .... : ..... , ,.',)" ·th· '.' . -, I' ····'·1 l' A h -. .:,.-." I, ,.. . :.' .... !!' ::,.-

UD·leJ,a~e· .. 0 one ano_:·,lcr .. " coU·_.u ... ear m.y VOice

~ -'" th --,- 'bl -- ·t I' .. - 'ld" - ·t' . ,.' the - .......--

m m'I,'1 Y····,·· ,-' ." roat ,\11'11'" ~\O'U II no" ~g'~_'p"1 i 'e' rn eanmg

__ ' . ,r, .:',' .. -. '~ __ I",:_ __ ,.J,. ",1-, I.'::. ~"'" "~'"i':~ "~';"., D~~', ,I __ ,_. ',', .. ~._,._~:_[r_ .. :.

of'the words The lOurnds, were minzled in m'Y':

•. , _:- ._'.' " ',_ ....:..'.' I 'r '," -. -, .. 1 ~...-":_'~' .~ •• .:_ •• <. -':"V·~"'-'rb , .. '.~' '1 I; .. __ '_,~

brain with other so "'UII'IO; d 'I M--:-·····--;-'y··..' fi'lllng" c,e-rs",::' seer ied

.. ,__: _-'" . . '. _. '. QI:._:, " .. ' .. ,1,,' ·_t·_. ' :' : .. :_.' :...'.- "

bi,g'ger than normal, as' always when the fever was on 'me My;' evelids felt heavy RlV I.ipl-'I. had

.' .' .'" .'. .... """1 '. .', . . I I·, ) _:. -,,-. _ .: " II '1 -- L" .. .. ,

' , : '.,' thi ---:k· " t .. ·, med - j , tnd ./.' lid >, .. ~.:.--:-. '1: .", '.' . 1:./ .

. grow,n :....:1, Ie·.·. --, ~urne~· foun.· .. aD:._ saw my nurse

di • th d I' b I h ..

stan 109' 'In I-·'··,e ~.'"oor'w,ay •. - .. ,.unct 'OIUt. La'ug' -·lng.,

M'Y": n :"1\1'- ~:D"'S:-' ~a:, .~- 'W·':,·· 'a' s m '., . 0" ·Jti:-·'o·',n· less H; er ,'fU- ·,-'S'.'tr'l reles s:

: ' .. _' '.:D~' .' ,I'~, ~'-' . .. '_. I' "'_,' .- . ."_' .•. ~. ".". ,-. ~' .•• ' - . "'-"" .

e~"y-'-e'- s" were fixed on me but tho hey ·w··'·re·· empty ,0····'£-

:__ .' . '.' . .-Ji" """ ' ';1;1;;; ~'" u· .' .~,~. '., , ... ..: _.,.' I~ .. : ./_ ~ I,. ~ I;..... L '. .J

.... ',. :-.-- ,-.~, .". -·'la' :- ·t·; 11: .. : .... .-:- .. '. ",. d' ." . '. ~ - 10'r"'> '.: -11' '--: '. - .. ' "',.y ]d" .. 'I, - '.

surprise, rrrm .:.II,on or sa mess .. Idr.cnera' I •. y I,pea~~ - n,R.,

• - -:::1 .. ' ,- .. A'~' .. -::: I . sti - ·:"·d·'· .'. -.' rd ,,····,t··· th at '. -:.-: ·;iI'!fo..I,_.· ..... , '-' ... -.

1 IS orwloary ,S;,Upl'., con _'QC· . - ia mases OD'C

'1·:-- ,.,v··h·· b ··t· t':h' '.,Ii: 1·:; .; h····t· .... ·-·'·c·~·-·-·~-· . , : .. "-,,-". ,C, .... , .,. ,~

'. augn, <\I;. 1_: :I·S, ,aug," rer 10:11, ~IDe arose rrom a

d .. -. . - _.. Th' ' .. -'.. _. ,. t .- t' ,. - !d' ·'hJ tha t'" 'I .' .

, eepe:r' ca,use',. . ,.I·!e vas-' 11 .. U;pl."ll~l L , la, 1 j saw

'I.;:. ,c,' . . r- I th '). b ", Ii'" (-: ,

betore me was part 0 :.- "-~~I e generat ma ~'I Y .. cy 0",

m~'nl:," ··;'I·D' d' - t'-o-'" u- -,'0'" r:·a·"'lv_...e~·[ th-· I. '. e"_' C/'· e:~'n° ·tt· :--a: I p. '''O~''· 'b':I-II/!!Jj'm"-: .. S: 0" 'If'I~'

l~) ~E~ II,' •.•• - ••• -: __ .1,. __ ._ • .:...., .... ' ..... ,.. . ... _j_ I."j " .... " •• ' Lt. ,.,. ".~- ..

- • +,' .. "~ '. - d' tbl .- t t'-hl - ,i!!i'_ . ... . h' - ~ -h- ~-., h" .'- -.; .. '

leXl:s,,..,e:n1ce ~ ,ani -II-:JJa".:I·;:.lngw,:, ,(;,::1 Ilo'r ~,ier W,U,

;s:'h-:··,r:~o,·:U·l,d.:1 ,e.,:ld" in 11!!I'·'m-1 "P' ... ~e, .Detr·---~able: darkD,ess was, B, ge" ~ sture

• 1 ! T • .• _ _ J ! I I I •• .'~'~. ," • , • ' • ..' _. _ _ _ ~ '. _. • •• •• "_ • _!, j) _ _ . _ '._ •

", -.-'

--'f" d· , .,: "h' ., "I .. ' .J€" 0.." ~ ,eat I L ·],tse I.,

She too:k ,th'l!! b,r,a:zier a:n,d, walked with ,dlelibera.-

tJ'·o·· ..... ·n~ o·_,u,·t· o······r·-trh-·,c; ·,OO>"·I·,.m··-·· ')1 'w··_-,:'·p,-.e··i'd·1 th'le" s·····1::&:r,til!ii8···'t-· ~y.,o':·'···m·,: ml'V

.. _ . - .' _. I'" '",. . _ _ '. ,a;· ... ' .. ' Jj. . r" "_. '.' ','. • .----':~ :,., .. "". i'-Ji. '. ,I.k,!. -,', '''.' .J'

c:.···-'eh···:····,··,···,d,· M"l-:" hl"'"'~d'~'" 1:'·;"-1-"-"1 .. ' ...... --:'< -"-·d·: ,_ --:-·'uh··· ·:····:h:t'- -'.

,or. "ea'. . _:...y ~lan"s, Wle·,r'e cov,ere_J WI· ---' W, I,JC

,fl' .. ~'. ,-"l.... I 1'1"'" ' "d'" '-1'-' - '~'I '. it· t'h-:- .'. -. - .. '1-'1'- '.-".:. - ~ ._'1Ii :, .-'.- '-'.:- .. - ,._...

e,cu~, . -, ~.eane.·· agalD__j" _c. e wa __ ~" ,presoog my

he'a,d to t'h.te 'b,:ricb, ao,d be.gaD 'to [eel better. Aftle~r:

; '. . '1' - h - 'r-' 'h-' til! h-

a little I murmttrled. t;.e 'w,ordll, OJ - a song "W:~:~IC -I

'1: hi . h -'. ~d'" "., --hi' -. - . . ·thl .".

, 1·,la·· Il ·Iear •. ! som.ew·~'_e·r·e' o'r o)~_.Jer':

- 6"

·lO·~.·

CIC;ol:me~. let us gn and drink wine' II

Let~~dri~k ~e-orth~Kingd~m ofRey. If W,It de Rot drink now', 'when should 'we drink ;I'

. , I I.I.~' ", [i1

When' .the crisis was coming upon me I cou d always feel i.ts approach in advance and was Ii led with an extraordinary uneasiness and depression as though a cord had been tied tightly around my heart, M'y mood was like the weather before the storm breaks. .At, such times the real world receded from me and I lived in a radiant world incalculably remote from that of earth,

. Then I was afraid ,of myself and of everyone

elsie I s- - pp~ o· .~, - th · - ~ diti fmi d

-' '> .. '-':, •. ;,U,:(=_:.le 'I.~~ IIi 'CO"(,_-Il'~lOn, 0'· mlD:e: was, x~'ue to,

'''11- h"- .. h h d d I -

my a.!1e8s, WU"'C~_ ... a sappec my menta .. strength.

The sl,ght of the 0' d odds-a .. ad-ends man and the butcher through the wi:nd:ow filled me wi to fear, There was ~etbing frightening in thei rgestures

...:J" th I\.r: ' ... ' I-I~, ~. h .e -

ana In .'.' i felt' races, ~\l1,'y nurse 'tOI ~a me a Irig' tfnl

thing. She swore by all the prophets that she had see!! the ad odds-and-ends man come to my wife's room during th,e night an,d th.at fr'o'.m, b,ehi.n·d, the . door she had heard the bitch say to him, r:ir!ake yom: scarf oft:' It does not bear thinking 10£. ITw'OI olr thJflee Id,a'Ys, ago when I :shri'cked ,o,u't

and my wife came and stood in the doorway, I saw, I saw with my own eyes, that her lips bore the impdnt of the old man's dirty yellow ,deca. yed

. tb b h'· h h d · - -

t~e' .c,_,etw'een W,i'C,_lij _,_e use", to r'oci,te tile Ara'bi,c

Ver,SlCS of th,e K,Q,raJ)iP .·,'·nd"1 DIQW I ca:me to tb.i:nk

£'.' h ,ii h hi" - db . -

o_ It, 'W' '.y wastt tJJat .~. 15 'm,an h-a:~, I_een ,h .. a·ngin,g'

a.bout outside our house ever since I had got

'1°7

the high-pitched plaintive sound of a, kettledrum. It was a sound expressive of entreaty and supplloarion which awoke in Ole all my ancestral

II' 'iii d.wi tbl ~ f'" h d k

superstitions ani ," WIt·, ':~. aem, 'my Iea,F'O'- t, "e [':, ark.

ITh' .. e . -~'-. the ap'p'r'oa' ieh - f hi h I had £!e·· It in

' I.: refIllS" I~._,~ ~'.- 1_" : ".;".: ;', '. 0,·, w', '.I,e· ,-', ,u.,,~ . .' 1'4-._' I" I,.,

advance and which I was, expecting fIr'OID moment to moment came Up:'OD me' M'-Y'" whole body .. : was

,_,1 1. J -.' _" -.-----!"'_ ~!_ I I' . _~ J J '..., '_ [ _,' __ ,.r _....,....' __ iii _ _ ~ '. .. . _.' ~\."

filled with burning heat and I felt-·ba~t .I' was, suffocating. I collapsed. onto D'ly bed and _shut my' eyes. It seemed to me in. m:y' feverish. condition that everything had expanded and had lost all distinctness of [outline.,' The ceiling, instea .. ~; of'

sinking"lla"d risen. I felt . oppressed, by the: weight of' my clothes, ,F'O'I! no 'reason I stood 'up and sac doWll again upon my bed, murmuring tomyself 'The thing has reached the limit ... This is beyond endurance •. ' j ~' Then ,I stopped abruptly, Aftee a little I began again slow y and distinctly, in, an ironical toneof 'voice ': 'The' thing has . '. ." I stepped, and added, "', - am. a, fool'. I paid ID:Oi

attention to the meaning o.[r ,tb"e, words I uttered, ~I was merely amusing ,- .:- yself with the vibration of

m','::','V v·:'O"l"'~I,A' ")'j'o"1 th e air, P erh a~"p:'·I.'!' -1-:-' W··' as tal ·ki ... "ii":"g.:r to

l~" ',"I' 1 ... - ... r~ ··~L . ( . .' 'J . ..." !Ii [1 ~i I '_" "g I 'w • _-.. '. • ['''~n.l. ' ..

my shadow in order to dispel my Ioneliness, . ..

And, then I saw an incredible thing,~ The door' opened and the bitch came into the room. S,O' then, she used to think o .. r me at times and in spite of everything I, still had reason. to feel grateful 'to, her, She knew that :1 was si'till ali ve, that I was suffering,[ thatI was sl,o'wlyc dy.ill[g., In spite of' everything I 'still had reason to feel grateful. to her. 1 o,nly wondered whether she

110

knew that '1 was dying because of her j, If she did kOQ'w that I 'would die perfectly happy. At that moment 'I, was the' h a ppi est man, on the face of the earth, Merely by coming inte the :room the bitch h a d driven a'- "'-'y al m 'y~" evil tho ou "g~'b""'ts S··· om .. -·-: 'e'

,I .t;,I!t'\.;.1 . [ .: ]0'. : " ,~ ·Y'.,. ;' .w'a,i·'[ ." : "",,,',,',1 _.'.) 0.' \~-' ',1,0,., ,.: .,) 1,: ... _.

sort .,o·f' radiation emanated from her, from her movements, and bro'u,gbt me relief DID this occasion she' was in better hea-th than 'when I bad last seen her She was plump and ,comro'rta,ble~ looking.Sh~ll~d on~ dbak'~{ Tus ttlateri~l. Her eyebrows were plucked and were stained with io:dig:O.i She was! wearing a 'beauty II'pOt. and her face was made U,P' with. rouge, ceruse and kohl. 'In a word she was turned out to perfection, She appeared to be well pleased with life. She 'was unconsciously ,- 0- ding the index-fin,ger of' her

left. hand 'to her Iips. Was this tile same ,gr,acefu) creature, Was this the slim" ethereal gir') who, In a blac,.k. pleated .dress, had played hide-and .. ·set'k, with, me on "he' bank of the Suran, the UllCOD-' strained, childlike, 'frail, girl whose ankles appear-

'ing from unde r her' skirt, bad SOl excited me '?c U'ntiJ, this moment, when, I had looked .a,t her' I had not seen 'her as she really' 'W,D .. N 01\'1 it W8$ as though a

V~I·'I-: had fall en from 'm-·~y·· e·"Y··:QS· For so .. ome reaso nthe

_ I~\I . ,_~Qk. ,If.,·. 'L;o ,[ It. . ..... 1-.: ,........:: .• ' ,,I'l ~, __ , ... _. _:_~ .I __ ~ .. " lUI.

. .

thought of the sheep ha:nging by . 'the, door of the'

butcher's shop occurred 'to 'JUe+ She bad become for' ID'e: the equivalent 10;( a lump of butcher's meat, Her o.ld, enchantment had gone. She had

£'. b I 1-"· d '. til hi d

become a C'0D110;rta:~ le, ,SQI.[l'·,W'ODlBn witn a l·Jea····i•

full of commonplacecpractioal ideas-a genuine woman, 'I realised with ,affrig_:~,t that Illy wife' was-

I r I'

1I0W a grownAlpwhile J had remained a :child. I at,tna'l.I'y felt ashamed in herpresence, under her :gaze~, i~rhis 'woman VI'h,o' yi,clded her: body to leveryon,e but me whi'I"e I: IcoRSo:ted 'myself 'with, 'fan,ciFul memories of her ehil,dbptxlJ, when her 'ra~e was, si.m,ple and j'nn,ocent ,an,d 'WO~ a, dreamy:" fieeti:ng e~pression, 'this 'woman, wh,osc' ~face still 'bore tile tooth-marks of' the old odas~,and~n,ds :man i'n the: 'sq:uare - - DO, this was Dot, th,e same person as, I had kn,oWD,.

She asiked me in a sarcas\dc 'tone, "Haw are' 'yOD feeling ?;I --replied, 'AneJ;l~t ~~ .. ped'ecdy ·fte~?

Doo'·t you do everything you fed Iiked0mg P

Wbat does my health matter to you?' , .

Sbe ,Ie,f( the reom, :slam:mi'ng the 'door .behjQ,id, her, S~be did Bo,t tum 'to' ,1'OOk ·a,le BIle. It seeD as though, l have fo:rgottcn ho,w to talk to the people 10:'[' ,tHis 'wo:rldj to liviDg people, Bile, the woman who. I bad thought was devoid of all feelings. was otrended at .my hewnnout! Several ti.mesI thought of getting up and going to her to fall at her feet, weeping and asking belt ·to forrgive me. Yes, weeping;" ~rQrf; I thought that if only I could weep I should fiDei relief~ rSOme time passed; whether it w'. to tie' m'eas'ured in minntes, bours,

.. l~ d~ Ir~...... I h - L~· . i! '

Of' eenturres 'IJ) 'n,o,l' mow. Lhad IlJC(;o:me like a,

:mad'm'an a'DEI 'I. dl!rivCtd, an, :aquis,ite pleasure emm the pain I felt. It was a jpleaslI1'e which tta'Ds·eerl,d,ed human experience, a pleasuFE which only :1 'was capable [of feeli:n,g and whi,ch the ,gods tbl,emseives, if' they existed, could net ,have' experienced to such a de:pec. At *at moment I

11'2'

was .~~cioU$ or my .superiority. I felt . my SU,pCriOI1·ty 'to tlt,e' me'D of' the, rabble, t~o nature

and ~the gods~tbeIDdl, that product oChulUD lusts. I had ~t:Gme a god. I wasgrea ter than 'Ooci, aod I felt wi~tbi'll, Ole: the eternal, i:n'inite

'8\1X,. oil, .. • .

· .

the room, 'It pleased me to thi:'D.k that I 'W,aJ able

at any rate to ,frighten her, 'I rose, to In'f' feet, snuffed lh€ Iamp-wick and stood in front ot the 'mirr-o't., I' smeared the partic:l,es, 01(' soot over m,y' face, Bow £rlg'h,tful was the '(alee that I :saw"!, I pa'lled down my Iower eyelid.s, released them, tugged at the corners of 'my' mouth", puffed .out :my cheeks, :pull,ed the tip of 'my beard upwards and twis,ted ~ it glut to the sides, and grimaced at

:m'ysel'J: M'y face had, a natural talen t for comical and horrible expressioas, I ,felt that they enabled :m:e to see 'with m,f' own eyes all the weird shapes, all the .comical; hornble, unbelievable images whish lurked in the recesses of my mind, They were all familiar to me, I felt them within, me" and yet a't the same time they struck me as comical. All of these grimacing faces e,jisted i'DSi,C;;lc' me and formed pa'ft. of mc:';: horrible, criminal, Iudicrons 'masks' whicb 'ch,a'Ds'ed at a single movement of my fingerl..tip .. The old

KO""'rg"D" reader .... he 'L'u-I,-·t-·e'hi'A~ m""Y'" "WI',''!fp, I" sa 'W-· a' 'Ill

_ ,~~-Q: ,,-,,~'~f,~ '-, U'I.:. U' __ :l~\ '~:l, ,,1.,,/, I:L-'," I,,~":.

of them within me. They were 'refJlec:t,ed in me as, in ,8 lTlirr~, ,; the forms ,o·f·all of them existed inside me but nOlle of' them belo,oged to me, Were Dot the substance and the expressi,oDS ,of 'my' face the eesult of' a mysterious sequence of impulsions, of :Dly ancestors' temptatiens, lusts and, ,de~:pain ? And I 'wb,lo was the custodian of the ,h,entaSI:I, did loot, through some mad, '("merom feeling, ,r"',o:.':oe;I'iI!l"'l,e-r· : l~ t, ~iV' du -+V'_ ·W'·:; het h 'Iii!!r"-' '1" liked l-;t·, ·0· ···r··' n·" ot .,":'

,","_., '. rll;t __:!u. 0 _ II;: ,Y"I;;" U:_ '11;',1"1 .. ', '-~ __ ,~, : ..... '~". , __ ...... __ ' _ . ',l ~

preserve this stock of faeial e~pre.ions? Pm"-bly my face would be released from this res ponsi bitity

114

,and 'would assume its own natural e:x'p:relss:ion only at the moment of :my death, ~ . ,Ie But even then wout'ld not the ,ex,pitlessi,lo'DS,' wkic,h ,b~a,d 'been,

incised on 'M'y face 'by a, sardonic resolve leave their traces behind, '1190' deeply engraved to be effaced?' At all events In.ow knew what possibilities existed 'w· .. ·····.~>I .. ',~cL~ .. -, '---'e··,·,',·· II a> p::·· .. p·,,'f",-g. .ciated m" I'- .... ~ ~'~"",:n""

_ .. ".~" ~~I;l ~,CU.,. :_cutlD ,m". " .. '._I.· -._~, ",...., _', y uW,.

- - - bili ',. !ii, - -

ca 'p' a I rn e ;Ill

~ _ .. ' ,,'", ". . , ' ..... '.Q.

[Sud,denJ,y I burst into Iaughter, It was a harsh, gre'ti'og., ho'rribJe la'ugh which made the hairs on, my body stand. on end. For I did not recognise m,y awn laulg:h,ter~ It seemed to come [rom someOD'e other' than me, I felt 'tIl,at· it had often rever .. berated ill the depths of IIl,yo ,throat, and, 'tkat ,I had heard it in the depths of :Q1y ears, ,Simultaneously I began to oou,ghJ~~' A c:l'Qt Jo,f bloodr :phlegm1' it fragm,en't of m,y iins;j,de, (ell onto, the ,- mirror., I'

wiped. it across, the ,glass with. my finger-tip~ I

t' urn' -:' e d ro "'Ui D'..;I and sa W-'" ...... ·N···· a n n "y:" sta rin 'g'" at me S·:I'b" e

·:.:_l· L''- ~ ':'J [.W', _ .. _"n :.~., ~~~ .. "'" .'.'~'.:.' .. ' I [-a., -'~ .. .j .• !. '11 " l~I.~· ... I. 1~··I: " g." "l [~~JiIi :_."_" ti .,.-

~ . ,", !. _'..;.

was h .. ·I,o··'rr=·- '/-"r,-·s'·Mc,-'-k·~·H She 'I."'-:J!',gL'j(i1 hl'~,I~II·'n·1'.' 1·'0"- h er han Id'

... ;~, , ' .. ,.. ,U'. '1"':1., ''lJI,Ii,,~ .' 1C- 'TY'a.iJ ,·U,U, .,~; .. " "', . ..I!,Ui ",:_,

a b~olw'l of barley-brcth which, she had b,r'o'ugb~t me, think'j'ng that I m:ight :now be able 'to eat ·my supper. I eevered my fQ.ee wi:dt my hands and

L. h '''.Jj h ,. hi h h ~,'L

ran behind the curtain w: ncn 'I-'U~g' acroes me

entrance to' the closet,

'Later, as I wa's, ralli~g asleep, I felt as, ,th,o.,ng'h, my' head was clamped in a 6,e,ry' rin,I.' 'The sharp exciting perfume of sandalwood oil with w&.idt I ,had filled my Iamp penetrated m,y nostrils. It ,eo'ntained 'within ~ii the odour ,of 'my wi'fe':s leg~~ and I felt ip my mouth the [alotly' bitter taste' of 'the stub-end of a cucumber. I ran my

1[,51

h d b d d '1-) d I_

,lta'n1~ over 'my·, I:~ 0 ··,"Y" ,- anc t, menta ."\1 comp a re .. _! It'-·~

- __ • ._~ • \ ---,...- .... '. -._, ~ _._ f J, J~ \" "1' or _" l l "' ",' "I

thighs,-caives, arms and the res--with my wife's. I could see again the line o£he)\" thigh and buttocks,

'could feel 'the warmth of her body, The il]us;io.D, wasl. far stronger 'lba'ft a mere m,e~ntal picture; it had, the force of a :phys,ic'al need. I, wanted to reel ber body dose to mine. A s"ngle gesture, a single e'fTort of' the 'will w'ouJd have 'been enough to dispel the voluptuous temptation, Then . the fie:ry

Ii, d h d >it h d b ·

DIl!1 areunc my head ,grew so tlg.·-,t anu so :)u-rn'lng

hot that 'I sank deep intlol a mysterilQus sea peopled wi th ter,ri(yin,g shapes,

'It w,. still dark 'wh,en I was awakened 'biy the voices of 'I a band of drunken pelicemen who were marching along' t,he street, joking obscenely ,amon;g' ,'c . remselves, Then they sang in, chorus,

cCo~e" let us' go and drink wine;

Let us drink, wine. of the Kingldol- . 'Ol( '- ~)",ey.,

If we do not drink now, 'W'hC,D should - we

d ~'" k,',1

n·n,I;<'!!l·

love? For the rabble-men 'it is an obscenity, a carnal, ephemeral thin,g', .. The rabble-men must needs express their love in Iascivious ;SOOgSl" in obscenities and in the foul phrases the:y are always repeating, drunk or' :sob,~r-----",shovi:H;g the ,d,g,nkeyj,s hoofinto the mud" "'givi~,g; the ground

a thump , and SOl forth, ~ove for her meant something different to me. True, I bad known her for man'y year,s"j Her strange, slanting eyes small, h,alE-open· mouthy husky, soft voic'e~,all of these tbi,·ngs were charged w:ith distant, painfu] memories and in at of them ,I: sought something of which :1 had been deprived somethin,g that was intimately connected with, my being and which had been taken fFc:m me,

Had 'I been, depri ved ,o'r' til is, thing 'fo,r ,aIlti.me to come 11 The £e,ar that it :migh t be so aroused ,iD 'me' a grimmer feeling, The thoug' t of'th:e ether pleasure, the one 'w';bich, 'might compensate me for my hopeless love, had become a kind of obses sio D", Fo r I£!tO' i'I"1I"Jl~ r e '·'a'· '8>,Q' ,-. ft'; , the fieu ,- re 10'" '.f"·" th '-I e

. - - - ' a :' - ,- ~ __ IQ :'Ii'I.'I;~ . "-' =t= .. , lUI. - -'-\0",,"""'- " , .

butcher opposite the windowof my room occurred 'to me. 1, remembered how he would roll up his sleeves, utter the sacred formula 'hlfstne'llah,'·· and proceed 'to cut tip his meat", 'His expression ,KD,d at' titud e' were alw ay :\~ P~'I 'ese n t, to m 'Y'~' mind, n th he

'._-- .. :__,1 U(', ., ,' .. "._.:_: ._ "Ii.·· .. _ a i.'" '._. ',_: . ., ',' I,~'.. ,1.;-.1:'- '. ti,,. ,. ',,' .' .....

end. ,I t:OOI carne to a decision, a frightfulld~cisio:n~ Lgot 'Glut .0': 'bed, rolled 'u'p m'y sleeves and took out the bone-handled knife wbic:h, I had hid,d,en underneath, my' pillow, I stooped and threw a Y'ellow

I. 4'~R _ name· .0£ GocI~t Th,e fOftD'ull,~. pl1JD£lunced :by Madems ait the. befiaDiQl ,or any iDlportan't Wldertakilll'~'

I remem ibe ,- .. -·d;"·,____....; -'01' II' had ,'-'. I idde '0',:-;-1> ~-,jh-' -~'

_ ,-)·····~'.,I"T"-,ere<·,-n,~" - I ,a .. ". ,a rSU,i.c'enl.aSI,,1 01

'1·'n'-IS\<p-~llilira-'·'I~o:'n·' tit I' had .. ·-' some "W"I"lo-e 1""8" the closet a

.._'.._' ,., _~. ,,' ','Ii I tl ,,"" '. ,J_:: _I .~ .. ~ ~ ,f _ ~ '." ,,:.1 I, .. " 1___: . "_':c., ..• , I _' ~~""I ',_,

bo ') . C' '.' ,:L.: bl '. d .. r~

. ·.,jtt re (Ij:' WI'De WlaiC:JJ contame -e ". a, .portl.ono'!'

,eo:b'ra, venom <. One gulp! of that wine, and 'all 'the .nigatma:rlfJs of ' life 'would Cadle as though they had,

,'! . ~ .::', '''. b- ~ ~ - ,-~' ' But ". ,'L~:."., ;-:- b ,., ,~·,t- th ' " bitch ~

n,cY.er ._"eeo., . ., Ii. IU, WJ1.181, a, . flU, ' 1,- I,e. ",lC_L:., •••

The word intensified my 'longing for her brought

her b '-rE':.·:-;. ~-'" '.--;-,', CI-LI-') ,- C':' '. italitv ,'."', d " '.' rrr tb',-

ner .,e.,lore, me IU_r~, IO:L VI,I,~·_'··:1 ana wa;,m ... ,".'

'What 'better lCD' uld lido than give her' a glass of

that wi d' d .. k fF-'-: h 'If: iii}j IT'h

at 'w, ID'e ~~'~,',: rin - 0' -,( 0/·""0'- It" ,. ·'r· 'm"~' VAle' . 'r-' . '-n':- 'w''';e''

.~ . ' _ _:' _.] aJl.rI. _:) .. ·'&11'& .! ", .' ,'.. ~.,I?.~->. :_,~~ I I' ~ .~_,.!II!I .. ~-- '-.' .,"',

should die togetherIn a single convulsion. 'Wh,at'is,

116,

. " I ,.-

cloak over my shoulders and muffled my neck and face In a, scarf I felt that as, 'I did so ," assumed

an attitude of mind which was a' cross between that of ' the butcher and that of the old odds-anden d s m 0;'0

r ''.,' :_:," '-"'" _ :u.._ .,.

T· "b' I ·

. ··[e~ ... I- w~nt. on, tJP~tee towards my wif'e"s.

room. When I reached it I found that it was quite dark" I :Ioftly opened the doo:r .. She seemed to 'be dreaming, ,Sh~Cried, loudly and disdnetly, 'Take your scarf ,oft:' I 'went over to her bedside and bent down until L'could feel her w'·,··· .• ·.a~::r-=:m'· ~>'-n'-

- - .. . .. \. - ~'_ ..... ' I _ '_, "'", "' ..... ' ,

breath upon my face. What pleasant warmth and

vi tali,ty, there: was in her breath I' It seemed to me that: if onllY I could breathe In this warmth for ,a while I should come to life again, I had thought ~or so long that other people's breath must -be humin, hot like mine .. f looked around carefully to see If there was, anyone else in the room, to make sure that. none of her l-I()-"V·~·jrO was there

She was· al~;'e. I realiseclthat ;Ii til: thi~~ people said about her were mere slander, How

did I' ,- kl ~'-~- .. '. th at .. h - ':- :' -:-- , '. '. .' '~:I'I -- .1, I. - '" I~-'

~-;~:~OW, ,,-~_-~ .. s .. e w,a~, not sn a vlr'glft r I, was

asham 'e' "d-! o:-Jf a;'11 m' --, .. ,e- .. - " .. , .. ' •• -

Pi~'I_ ::.1_<_» __ 1,. l'I::i,y unraar ;S;USp'i'C1on,S,,~

'This sensation lasted only a minute, Suddenly."

:.c' ·d d - ,

rrom I)uts,l~'~;e the r oor came the sound efa sneeze

and I ,heard a stifled mocking laugh, of a q~ality to. make the hairs on one's body stand on end. r.r:~e sound contracted every nerve in my body. If I had not heard the sneeze and the laugh, if the man, wb,loev:c'r' he was, had Dot ';ven me-pause .•

~ ,. -~ - _. •• ~ I • '. c:a 11& " _., - - _ _'. . I .)-. ., ... ~ • .' ,.,

'. A···. D_~_, ....... , ... "',~" ~'~ . "

. '-; ~ :~penIiIiOD, reqUIres, that, ,if _YODe 1ftIeR' ahoUld, ,lDCeIej'

aD)' acUDD. whicb ODe :1II8;V DYe 'been .·J~-~-II"I' ;to· , Ulnl~-r;-IL,e' L_ ~~·D·~":'...i.'

. " - -~ - 1.,- '. " . .'. I .l1lU1I). -_-_UGl1UIac '_- lUI; _5 . ~ -[lr'~,\ _EO.

118,

I should ' ave carried IOI'ut my decision anti cut her bo.dy into, pieces, I should have, given the meat t·,o: the butcher oppos .. :ll":t'el·· our h·.'IO··:···UI'P--- t-o' sell

. ~[, 11.. .' ,~:.______,V ,_',.:.... ,.- _ _~., " .,' .... _ '. V t· (. ',' .-,,' _gl~ :~..... I ....

to his customers, and, in fulfi ment of a. special resolution, I myself should have given a piece of th e Qf,~s·~:'hl. I of'h er *h'."g.',-.r'h· '*0-' th -, e 0" "'II,-I[d~1 Ko r .. 'an-read er an d

)., " .l'j~ ," I ":!'-' ',-.'.- ~H '. \.'. , ~" " l .... ,._ . ,.~.I __ ' '~"l .~: 11 I&'! .... :1 ... " .;1,10 ·:~_~_1···_·1

gone to him on 'the following day and said, 'Do you know where that. meat yO'U. ate last night came from]" If'he had 'Dot laughed, I should have done this, I should have ~bad to do it in: the dark, so that I should not have been compelled to meet th:e' bitch's ey1e'_ Her' expression ofreproach would have 'b-een too much for me. ,FinaIIY'I snatched up a 'piece of cloth whi,ch. was trailing from her bed and in which m:y foot had caught" and fled from the room. I tossed. die knife u.p onto the roof because it was the Ie'nife that It/ad. suggested the idea ofm rrder to me. I got rid of a knife which

""d -'. 1 Iii, "b- . b I' h-I d '" .. L

was idenncat WIt. t, 'ie OD'e' .~~ j 'I,a; I een In tne

~b- t 'L,· -'s 1....· ..... nd

I .. '. u ,CJ~I[eF" ." ,J:1IIC ~". -'~.

When, I' afl),t back, to my: room, . I S8'W by, tne

!tI .' "

1'.. .' f , ~ ,.)- '1 hat : hi' h I h d . k

~,g .. ~t, 0<' m,y on-ramp t aat the cot ~,_ nac tao cen

with. me was her 'nig" htdresa: a, soiled nizhtdress

. ~ , [£::II .

'which, iliad been in contact with her' flesh; a soft",

:siJ:k nightdress of Indiaa make .. , It smelt of her b'ody and of champac perfume, and it still held something of' the warmth of' her 'body, :s,o~e;thiDg 0:£ her, 'I held it a,gainst :my faee and breathed deeply, Then I lay d.OW'D,:; placed it between. roy legs and '[ell asleep. I had never slept as soundly

a'S' I d_; id .. ha t 'nl~g-:-'-'h- t 'E-""a-'r-I'y'" 1'11'0'" the mo rn "<I~;n~'g:;-: I wa D

__ '_I _ l~ _ .l~. jUI,·.:.". <_',.1_ •.. " i~", , .. ~ !~J,_'\;.,;; .' _:_ ,1,1'[":":',13,

awoken by Illy wife~"s clamours .. She was I amen tin, g'

119

the disappearance of her nightdress and .kept repeating at the top of her voice, ri A brand-new

nightdress l'", despite the factthat :it had a tear' in the sleeve~ l would not have given it back to her to save 'my life. Sw:e1y I was entitled to keep an

old nightdress ,of my own wife' II,. '

'When ,NaDny~i~ brouzht me mIJ:!'Y":'\ ·g~S·-·:S','·S·,_I DU', :/'I--!:'

, .. " " . ''0; - '-' ~';:-- Qj .. ,.. ,-,.,

honey and bread I found that shekad plac~"~

bene-handled knife onthe tray beside the breakfast things. She said she had noticed it among the ~Id odds-and ... ends man's wares and had bought it from him. Then she said" raisillg her eyebrows 'Let1s hope it'llcomel~J bandysom~d~Y.'i picked. it up andt~amined it. It was my own knife. TIlen Nanny said in. a querulous, "Wended

tone cOb "y' cs 'm-'" ",,-. Y d ,',-.",'. . ,,' 'h:- te " -(: he -- - - - ,- ", ~L

_- '~.,'~'- "I -:, , .,-", ". :._a,u;g_ '__, ,_"I ,~r 'I:~_I . e: meant 'ILa'It!

bItch) 'was saying this mdrnin.g that I stole ber

·hd· d' '. ',. ,_

:nl,8t'~re.ss~-r"U,nDg' the nlgh,c. I don't want to have

to answer for anything connected with you two. ,An'y', ' way" •. r she began to blee d 'y" ·,Ac!:*,_'.~~V, - I

, " , ""-'.' -- ,-, -"'bi;!!!Jl;,,,,".II.~'l •• ' 'II ... "

knew it was the bahy. . .. • Aecol'ding to her; she got pregnant at the b,aths.· I wlent. to her room to . ~ass~ge her belly nuring the .ni.ghtand I noticed her' ~arJDS were a l blac,k and. blue .. Sh~e.' :showt:d them to me and sa:id"" "I went down to the cellar at all' unlucky time, and. the Good People lave' me an ,a'w:~ul pinching." 'J 'She went 1011" 'Di:d,

you ltoQW. youI' wife's been. prep-ant fOI" a long

.time P' I laughed and aaid, 'I due' say· the

:~;_ "I~ ~ _poP~~Y '~~.th,a't w.orn,t:D could ~~ P~d8Dt 'thR?D81i

::s .::. 'i\~~~=I~ ;oi':dU::~ed~!:.-:.~

otliaWtu' ,mexpliCaBle prqJlmdel~ , >,.

~ )'20

chi I d'll look like the old, man that reads the

. -

Koran, I suppose it "ave its first .leap when she was looking at :thlt: old man's (a,ce',;'·: Nanny

looked at me indignandy and went out or the room A-'" pparen rl -. y' she had 'O':'-'!O'I'lt" exp .. iected such a~·

,I,' _ u "_.;1; • ,.;_ '~' r" . .1'>..'-" "" ., .. ,I;,#,.~ . '_, ,', '-'.' ~. " .... """. ~I_ _ I .... .::. '. '

reply. I rose hastily, pieked UP. the bone-handled I}-.-'I'~"~e'· with Q tre --. m ·b"·l~-' han d p' ut I'''t' a--" -'a' -- in ,th':l.~1':lf-' r " I 1 '''·~-I['I"U,n,g,·''~:. _:, ["Iu', ~1_r~:hWy .~~, '. :_I~e

box in, the closet .and shut the Ii d,

No, it was out of the question that the baby should have leapt when she was .ooking at my face. It must have been the old odds-and-ends man,

So'm:-"',e,'" time d"U-.F.·I[·D~og-' . .- .. the aftemoon th '.'I-e"-, door ~rl;:"

- ' .. ", r- •• , .• ,. '. II~ _,', ';--r.;~~ ~.'. _. -',,7" ". ML_______'

~m,y room opened "and her' little brother; the bite' "s littl e b roth er c'~'~a'm' - e ]'··n'·- b "';":0"" g";' h'· ;~ nail Y··~'O-'HU.[ C':JO·",'·ui dd

." " '." ~ '.iL;',__:., .'. "Iio,o! ", .! ,I, _. _, _.,_,,'.&Ir.I/.,.. 1),'.'._ ' ,_&.0 ,', A;,I;,._, ,". ,,_'. .. . ':_ , ,-'. '" '

tell the moment ¥ou saw them that they were brother and sister, The resemblance was extraord - ary, He hadfull,m,oist, sensual Iips, Ianguid, 'L?e"a", ':'" evel li~:,s-' sla ntin ~~. . '-AD' , d I, :'·'.'g.'r e'VrA'~ hi" . ·'"h:-' .l,Il':"IVY ··.··i~"AU",:, ..... ,", ,~ .,g~ won ... "e,~,ln': ···,t,~D', -. 'bi

cheekbones, unruly, date-coloured hair and ,a,

complexion the colour of ripe wheat. He was the :imaga :of the b.itch 'and he had a touch rOC her

S, sa Ita' ',: "0'1- r 's:p"~ 'r'I"'n·:-,"tl H~' I-;S', 'W' ",' .. as '.) 'Q'-' "'D' e of th I·' ,0'" s ,C," ~ 1- m 'n,a·~S1··" ve

_' .... _._ - '~' I....;, - r. ". ~ I _I ." - .\ . . ,. ~ _' . ,- I, '.' L ._,' 0'. '}.' - ,r' ·Ill . '¥', . 'I)

~S\Olulles, Turkoman face-s which are so apprepriate to a people engage i.nan unremitting battle with life, -~ . pe~pi~ '~hich regarckanyaction·3$ 'Per-

. ~ -hI rioC'· h "I .... 1-'·' ·il 1\:J'. h d

m'fISlI, "I~,e lllt neips It to go on lVln~,. 1",atuFC nac

h d th· b ;&.,L d si

:1(. apen nus ~ro'UJ.er aao ssster over many genera-

tioas. Their ancestors had lived exposed to sun and Fa" II-'ft battling -' u nceas '11i'O' al--y' ',ka.n·th· ·;t:-~r' en V1' .... I'A'I'r'I'-

.' -;, ,r. -;-, I" "I" I , L, " , .~. '. _,.l '~,",,:,' .~,,' .' I ,tJ·;,.- ',,'1".1 " U·I~,'--.: 0"1.' ,,' ,I.'u.!L<JI·

I. ADother' :papu.lar .'belief Wal thai a baby would resemble ~lJe'.~ at w~., th@: "mother ba~Detl to be lodl.i11g when, ,it: :SDrI~ed 'for. &at

tilDe ia die womb,. -

I understood now t aat :I. had become a, miniature n~d'" I had tran seen ded the mean, paltry needs of'

uu )"_!! 1"- -] (.1. ' .... __ : __ ;__,_"l '~'. ",": - ',," . l : _' • .1 . , _. '_" ". - '_ '_'.> -' . - -

Dlankind and 'felt within me the flux. of eternity'.

... h '.' .. 'iI'\. 'T .. t' t - --I '

W ',at -IS le'ter,Pl'ty' r' , '0 me eternity, meanl.~, "Q'P, ,ay·

hide-and-seek with the bitch on the bank oE the Suran~to shut my eyes fur a single moment and

hide my face in the skirt or her dress. .. ..

All' a t.' o mce 'I' re alised th a: t I was ta kina tOI

.' ,,', I". '. _', ~.' '.. • '_ _I _ ..... __ ~- ·a~i. _',_ .~_ t; - I -" '. . - •• --- --0 --

myself and that in a strange way.. I was trying to talk to myself but my lips had become so heavy that they were incapable of the least movement. Yet although my Iips did not stir and I could not hear my voice c .• felt that I was talking to myself.

, ",.. hi L,_ dil hri 1[ .. ,: - - . _. d

In this room w· '~'ICI'I was steae lJ Y' IS_~ ,nn.uDg anc

gr·A'W1.~.~,·t:I d··:',mr,-·k',· like th e g'rave niuht had sU,r:!I!I

1,ly, ", , . '0' .~ ~ . ..lI,~: .", '. ," ..... , .. , '--;--' a.. - '. ". .

l-Oundcd me with its fearful shadows, In the li.g.t

. d ill h '

of 'the smJoky oil -l am Pi my shadow, In t e ,So ,,~)ep-'

skin jacket, . cloak and scarf that I Wall wearing,

. hed .. '.- .. '1,--" ..... the ",-1111 T .. I··hl.· ...

was streteae 1.'1_ monon .ess across tne wai 'II' _,.' .. ie

shadow that I cast upon the wall was much denser and more distinct than 'my real body, My

h d- h d b . -, - . - - 11 th 1 . .. ..... , \ -.- '1[" . T- h e

:ll "Ja::,_·. ow na '. become more rear r ian myse"J. '-,' ~"~'

old odds-and .. ends man, the butcher, Nanny and the bitch, my wife, were shadows ofme, shadows

~ .. the .n id I':" . 'f~'" "'h':~·· 'h" . ''', :. ',,, .. _ ... -:', ," J.ii<'~.e .~.,:, :~··I·d· . I' ha ·d··

In I. '.I'e ml'·. st 10" W,' c,·, ,w,as I,mpr SDn~ '. • '_ ", ...

- 'Ii" iii,. . ch - '1 bu ·t " - . . !Iii', -. '-:-1 ",' ---"',' ;h' 'to ,i!!i::.

become L ke a, scree ~ ':"'-O'Wr:, ·,'0, .;, D1y cries cau(g~" I : l~

'my··.· throat and I spat them out in, the form of clots 'of blood. Perhaps screech .. owls are s~ect 'to a, disease w:,~ '_ich m,ak'el them ~thin'k aSI I think,

- I '·'k-

My shadow on the wall had become exactly .. · ce

)' d 1-' II! E':. d' ad .' t" ' t· '( .. Ifli A'r.y'

an owi an,': .1", j :eao",n:g torwar '., rea ,i, mten I y I~:V\;.!.JJ.:·.,·

word I wrote. WithQut doubt he understood

~

'MU'OlDlY said, ""If I hadn't bad, a miscarriage

th .. ·e· wh 0' ,1, .. , h'· IO"US"e'e-' won Id have belen ,,'A'dl' ,.~ U'S' " ,

.-., ..•. ", •. ', ~ ,~. c' 1 · ", .. '. : .. ,.11. J ,,_,~', ' _:. :-:-""'"....;I,,· .. ,'\;.;,-! !LU' '.' ,',~

'I in:voI~un.tarily· burst, out laughing'., I,', 'was a ,hollow, grating la:ugh" of a Iq,Ucality to' make the

b IjI , b d d d I d 'lid

~alrs on one's I.O,.I'Y' stan· on eno, ! ",11,;-' not

recognise the sound of -my own voice, The child

fj th ~

ran _](1001 t ;~, ,:e ,rOO'1D m terror I;

I realised then ·W'·'~h-,y~· it 'W-;-""~a"'s:' that the bu .. nher

.. Ai" J' • "_ .11 II'~"'_' _._' I~-l~ -e. •. _ : t·.: ~')'"""", ,_I ~ ,_~." _::. ..- J ~~I ~,'., • <.... '"_'

found it pleasant to wipe the blade of' his bonehandled knife Ion the' legs, of' the sheep. The pleasure of cutting up the raw meat .0 n which the dead, coagulated blood had settled, Iike slime on the bottom 10'[ a tank, while a w,~te'ry liquid dripped from the windpipes onto the ground the y:e:llo'w dog outside the shop the severed oxhead lOll the :fI,06Ir,,. staring d,iml'y", and the heads of the sheep themselves with the dust of death 'O'D, their eyes, they too had seen this" they too' knew

what the b itcher felt. ~,

1:22'

perfectly. Only he was capable of understanding. When :1 looked out ,of'the corner of m'y eye at m .. y:· shadow O,R. the wall '1 felt I,afraid,.,

It was, a dark, silent night like: the night which. had enveloped all my being" a night peopled with fearful shapes whithgrimaced -at me from door and, wall and curtain. At times, ,m,y room became to narrow that Lfelt that I was lying :in a coffin. My temples, were burr ing. My limbs were Incapable of the least movement. A weight was

II L, . ,'- 'Ik L. ,. h ~ f' .. ' ;;L

pr'es:S1ug' on my chest l. __ te the we·lg .. nt ,01.1 l lLJ11e car-

cases they' sling over the backs of h,orrses and deliver to the butchers ..

Death, 'W,SSr murmuring his ,SO'R,g in m.y ear like a stammering ma who is obliged . ~.O repeat eac word and. who, 'when, 'hie has, eome to the end of a Iine, has to begin it afre$h.His song penetrated 'my flesh, Iike the whine' ofa saw, He' would raise his voice and suddenly fall silent,

My ... ,:~ e :y- -,e-:IY. were D-'- ot vet cl :0'-['5:' ed I when a>' band 0" "f~'

-' '----i>.; ,. .. '; .- ill· .. : ~I J'I.:J. I '.~.,,:, I'~' . . ," ", ",' ", .:. ":_ ~ : 'J" ! 'J" ~,_ _ .". ,.U1IJ . '_' . >,

d k I'" ,......',L d b ,i h

I ;FUn:,e,:n po icemen mar·(a116_.,~·.y' III the street

outside my room, j&king obscenely among themselves, Then .hey sang in chorus,

'"Come" let. 'us gig, and [drink 'winle;

Let 'us dr;ink, wine of the Kingdom of Rey., If we de not drink now, when, should we' drink'?"

I said, to myself;, 'Since the polipe are ,going to, 'get lII'C: in the end. . '. ." S,ud,denly I: eel t 'wi-thin mit a superhuman force, My' forehead grew cool

I ~,thre\? -~ 'y~lIo~el~ak ove~my shoulde;;

and wrapped Dly scarf tWOI 0':; three times around

12·4

my neck, I bent. down" went into the: closet and took out th,le' bone-handled knife which .I had

hi- dd I. th - - . I ·

_ ~~.~ en '~D, u e box", Then : __ : went OlD tip-tee

towards the bitch's room .. , Wb.en I reached the door' I saw !h,at the' room was in complete 'darkness . I I lis tened and h e 'a' r~ d I h ~ er vo ;j:",'A s 'a' 'y"'I'~'R'CI

~_ .. -'::.. ,_' __ 1 '<-.:_ ..... [. .~ ,_ 1. icc "'.1 . I, ., .. " . . '.IJ.~rt;;;.;~.',- ./ :_,~"

I'Have, Y[O'U 'C'ODle Pi Take your scarf ,off~" Her voice' 'h' ad a' ple asant q' - - ali ''Y- _. a - ti't-· 'h - d- h d [ I'· n her

.. <.. .: . ", >:",.:-:'" " .I~:i u'····· I. 1"·.. .:. S I' , .. a~' . ~18.,·I, '.' (.. .;' 1".\ : .• ,

, • . ~: . . . -I" .. '. . ... J. . - - -, . - -- _ -- ... _.

ehildhood. It. reminded me ef the unconscious murmuring of' someone who is dreaming, :I Dlyse 'f had heard this voice in" .. the past when .I was in, a. deep' sleep, Was she dreaming? Her voice w~as busk,)' and thick~ It had become, like. the' voice ,of' the' little girl Wh'0 had played hideand~seek with ·m,e OlD the. bank of the Suran, ,I stood motionless. Then I heard her say_.:~ ag~~.a-in.

, [i • .' 1

"Go'me in, Take yO;U,I',~ scarf roff~ "

I walked ·,s,aftly into the dark room, I took off 'WW'Il'Y"··, c ·1-lol.~LI~",. and scarf i' and th'~I'- - e rest o lr" m .. ··y.'·) c ':I'lo~;t-"h-' IAS:~-: a: DI·d··J

&iII,a,.:, . " ":' CIA ~.,L.~. .~. _ ... &:- ~ J ........ _. _. .~. - ,_ JL' I .. ~ _' ~ .• ~.( ,.": :.....,.1."" _' -~ , _ ~ _. _-.[_ .... ~

crept into her bed. For SQID[e reason I kept the bone..ban.oled krufe in my hand. It seemedto me

that' the warmth 0" '-f::'h'e"""r"'" bed infused a newlife 1·0' to',"

~ '."-"'._:: ... , -I:I.!.I.~., ., , . ',_" .. _."' .~."' .. ," . .:._ __ ~.r.IJ_"!J. ..... -:1 Ar- -"-'~"'r :__·--li'_· __ .. ' .....

me, I' remembered the pale, . hin .. little gir'l with the big; strange Tur ;-JO'D181l. eyes with w' - om I had played . hide-and-seek on the bank of the Saran, and I' elasped her p'l eas an t, mlo,iI7t", warm body in my-arms, Claspe·d her? No, I sprang upon her Iike a savage, hungry beast and in the bottom 01£ my' heart I loathed her, To me .J.o·lve:· and hatred were

twins. Her fresh, moonlight-pale body, my wife's body, opened and enclosed me' with" ... itself li-e a eobra coiling around its prey. The perfume 0[('

1:2',5

he r bIO'-;S"'O'im'" m a ,-d: e:' m 'V' head -, .. :, ... -.' th .-', ft;:- esh "'-"f:"~ t 1.-_

_ ,_" _' c, _'. "-'- ,'__-!'. :-. ., "1 . -ca .. _ SWIDl,,_ ,I e,,~es I : o! ',f,""e

arm which encircled 'm:y neck was soft and warm,

J' wish ed - that '.-.,~.-: life ce .. 'I-d"- '.,'" . '-, :- -- :'h-t '.' _ .- .. -. - .. ,-,

~,Wls_~~'e ... _ : .I,_a, .-, m,y .lle c,ou 1-. ceas!e at tnat moment,

for' the hatred , the rancour that I felt for h e r had

, _ _ _ - - . , ,. '. ',_ J ~ .. ',.' ,., '_'., _ _,_. -_ L

~, h d d 'I '. d L 1...l1 b k

vamsr Ie,: ane , 'to[e,;: to Jr~QluJ, oac t: my tears. .

'-H'" I h 'I k d b hili - - - - ,

. : ,er' ,. ,egs some -.IOW dOC :~_e: '1 be :-: lind mine like

those of a mandrake and her arms held me firmly by the neckvI felt the pleasant warmth of that young flesh. Every atom in my burning body

d k i ' h Lfelt tl

r,a!! '~. In tr,at warmth, I felt that I was, her prey

an td she W,,' 'a'-·s:· dL~ rawin D' ....... ' .. '!,--- to 'h" '-'. [,.- .. ']r I -;:-. - !",'I"·" ·fi·' 11' d

_ - ' -- -- ~~'. . - . r" .. :_:'" '.-_. . ~ "b' 1..11[1.£ 1.D 0, ene __ le., was u ,,}e~·

with, ming .. led terrnra •. d delight, H'~}e,'·r'- month .. · w'_.--:'a,- s·

_ ~. __ _. ~ I '_'.: -, -' ~L _ ~ '_ I ',' ", •• l ~ 1, .• : ' __ • ~" .'''':'''_ ,'.:" _, I' ._. • ' .: '_ I -;~. 1

bitter to the' taste, like. the stub-end of'a cucumber.

"U" d h 1- -

, _ . '. . ' .- _ I . . -. -' L - - - - - - . I "'. . I

.·,· .. inner t e pteasant pressure o,r hes embrace, I

streamed with, sweat, I: W'ZS, beside m~sel(' 'with

• •

passlon,~

'I was' do' omin at ed by' 1- ., m ,.,y. 00--" id y~"-:' b 'yo ea ch 8' tom

_. . _.' :::_._: ':_, I,_~-, .. '. :I~, .u r I.: ., .. ' I ..... _~_ v., '_.... ,-"'. _ _., ~~. __ '_!U._l,:.'_'

of my material bein g, and they shouted aloud

th-:- .~- ~-, "'1-- ,':. 'f~' - ,-~'. t:_,· ,-. -, 'D"'" . -. - - . -d-' ~ h 1-' '-I" .' .. . ..:L iiI'._

.' ,elr 10Dg 0" VIC, 1 ory,~ ,.:. oome'." '~le ,P 'eSiS 'ID'Ulll'

'b:-:,,··o-",rI'n:-d'-·- .. ···- .... -.:~;--; II" 'b'-"'--""'ed-" ,'.' .. 1: 'h"·"'" ·d·' ~ - ... - -, ' .. d-'--'-

_ 'u ,_' eSI, sea, ' _ ' ow·-. ! ; my ~_,~a ; I:n, 8urre,D,I._I_ er

'be£ore the stormy passio'D of th[e wa'v·esu. ,Her' hair, :r:e)dolent 10;( ch,aR1p1a,c" clu'ng' abio'ut: my race'" 'and, a, cry of an.guish aad joy burst forth from tbe depths'

:- .. ·,·-f··· '-"1::' " 'b', 1·'-'1'····· 'g.- .. d<ld·I·--II, I ~-l-; ·'·h,-·· ··h-'· ,.,-, .... ;, b-'~"·' ,

o ' 'o'u·r le_~ng,s,. . .. U.-, ,',en,I'7I " ,JLe, -._.' t_~,at. s, .Ie, w,a~s ... lltln·:g

my 'Ii, Pi sa v,Jl,geI'y', :50 sav,a"ge1y that lshe b~it ,it

t'--h'-\": -,',., c--·-,'h-' U"I ,,'. ·d;' --,L/,-, ·t··· " '·b-·,t-'_'-'· 'h·'" ..... -', "- "I I~ th·,,- .•. - ..... - .

~,' ,ra g~'~'i I _Ise _ slle 0 ._ llLre _J,_er D.al, In,.i _IS wa,y ,or

h- d- h- ]·I...l th I' £,L h·'

__ a,. s-, Ie' rearISIC'u"i-,at was, n,otUl.e ,'~ la'r:e\~llpped

old m,an?1 I trle\d_-,o 'br,e'ak fr,ee from ,h,ef~' bu,t was.·

tlRab~le- it"'n m--'-"a"k-:e" t'-h'I_I'- ·-:l'···hi"··,,·,t .,-- .. _-, ~.,: . .", 'M··;"-

~~-~ _ _'_:. ,) -Wi ", ' ..... '.' ~ . ' ,e S I.g _c__:!",6S '.'. mov,e',men,l~l~ ,-~ y

e'~o- r··ts:, w'.---:'e··,.-'Ie ·-""''''e·llle-·'£!ils Th' -:-'-I~,,-' ·ft··~ - .. ' 'h "·""·r:-':; . "',1'-' 'L..~d-'-iIi .' h-'" d:

1.11',>:... c~ .. - .:_-: '. '. UJO'_! '·13. - _I.e ,~eB,,-- 0, ~ o[ur uu_,I:es ' .. a I .

'b··-·---- I' . -"Il"d"--~'I'-'d, .~ -t:,··" .. -:"'-'~--:-'

.. een 10 .. " efr'e '-. 10 ~0 one.

I thought .. to 'mysel'tba,:- s:h'e h,a,d g'OD:t: m,ad, As,

'126

- - -' -- . - I - d I '. '1-' . .. ~ k d h d I'

we struggled, I: .' -, ',VOl) untarr Y jcr '~ie',[ my .'. ana, :_.

~ elt ,·t-- h k-" ,'.'C-:.. h '~ .= _ L '[ ,-- -. ti :Ii :11 'h-: . ·I-I...i '. - - - - ~ -' k

,le"I,I._,e .·DI,le'" wr 1(:,1"1 ,__ was :&,11. ,'·_I0.y, ng, SID·.:'

somewhe re into her ft' esh A:,,' , warm Iiquid spu ..... ed

_'__:_ ... "Ir-'::_-'~~'·'-·'_·''''· J .: "~~ ,I I J ~ r : i . . .:__~ I~_' ~_ .-l-:·.·~J_' •. ,','.: _',_, ._'.~·._"i~_ r_'~} .".._. l"~ "~"l~': .: ,_,iIL._. -",

into my face. She uttered a shriek and released me. K.ev~pi.n,g' my 6s,t clenched [QD. the warm

li id '" ' I d the knif I

iquic In lDy hand, ~ tOSSIC:-- the . ,nl~:le" away, l' ran

mY other hand over her body. It was utterly cold. She was dead And then II b urst into a fit 0' f"'-,,-'

. _ _ __ , '_' ._ _ ,_. . . _ . , " ~ _. _' _,._, - .. :___. . - _.' .. .II. Iii:I ,'_.:.__: .-...... \-,. _ :'..:': 1- ., .. :

coughing-but no, it was Dot coughing, it was a

'ill - lit I-I h f" I· ,. II., h

nouow graung .Ia·ug:i I_~:, or ... a qua l'ty' to make tl ne

h ai ..... · 0'0--- 0- ·n- e- 'e! bodv sta D' d 0- . d I - t· .. . :1

,.,_~~'~-_Jli.tl: ).-,.. .', ~.,.' 'Qi .. ' -~,~}Y= (.' :,> ..... 1 I .. D' [e'D-,. ,·,0, ',.'Ie,rro:r ..

threw mv cloak over Iny' should ers and hui riec

~~ ) l~.' _. '_' - . ~ '. I 1'.'. I r \. _ _.' _> .-- ' . ig..·, '. ' 'j._:",' :'_'. ',_

back ·0:· m y': O-W~i room 11'- opened m y-. hand 1'·0'- the

'. ,"'" .IL .. , , .. , - .:'.' ,'_. oil"" ,_: . > "':". .... " .. J 1_ \..i" 1_' j ': _ ,", " .1, y , . .',.: " '.. .,"-oi

llg ,:h,',,-;' t of th -.-. ,,-:-,·'[1, ' ,._- the I-I... - ·r''-· - - -,- h -- d 11- "

_1,,= -t ,',[. I 0 ... 1.,I~e on-ramp: 1.0 1:,[1:: paim o~ my, aane Ilay

her' eve and 'I was drenched in blo od .

_ , . ,,/. " .,' __ ~ •• ,__ •.• _' , .• ' .. " .' • ~ . , ,_ ,- -.- ·.C .,.

:1 'went over and stood before the mirror, Overcome -W·" ·~~·'h'· horror 'II" 'c-o·· vere d m'-'---Y fa c··-, e with m"-'

".'~~,_,_, ~ .', -,;I;llIj,;., , . v' ~." ..1:.,', - . '-'\,.'; , .. , li~", "},.--:~, _ ~_ .1 i Y

ands 'Wh,······I~I'·rt· II had " ... \, the .-- .. :1 -.: .. ', '. -. ," .. tb'--

_'_ .. , ... , '. . . I. a"._:- , I. a, . _, seen In .... Ie mirror wart I_._e

)-,'·k-'-:;-:·· , .. ,.- .. -. .... th·----··, -:- .. -',. ,·:t<--'~--··, .. - . ·f:- th',· ... -. --"d- '-"d·:'d' '-.1

__I_:_:ceness, nO:,.II.le exaC'o_ Image, 0,· . Y_ e 'OIL _ 0 ~./:- .!l-'

d dl M-:--·· - h- 'Ii d b ...:II

a,n -·e'n~_:,s manti ':, ..... Y' _._alr aD·~II, ._'earu 'were Icom,-

pletely w,hite:, lik,e those: of a m,an who ,has J:o,me

O,·u:-,·t·, a····'ll:~--:'-:,e- '£j"r- 0·-'1- ':;;l '1-'·'-·' ··'1·[ . ··:"hl_~--bl::-I h~ h'· .. :- .. ·~.I b-~'" -"-'r -. '·h- .' , t·-·,

.. , r.I,-V~:" .~"m a F09m 1.8 W, .. le,: ."e ~,as ·eC"D ,8,._,0

up.·· al,ob'g ... ~ 'with a co'b-,ra 'M'y,."~' evesl w'ere~' w·,·,·.']·,th-'I· In!I"t·

"L- .. .1' .. _ .". I •.•••. '~' -, •• I! [-/ '.,' '-"-.'1"'::'·' "- _' ;,.. . "~ ..... ~ ': :._____.~:III!iI_

1-.. '1 f hi'·' h 'II d- c.

I&s •.. es" 'a c\ u,mp' '0,; W"i;I···te.~'a1rs Isp'r,oute,~, 'ir'ODl 'm,y

chest and a new spirit had taken.' possession of my

b-d 'M:- '. d" d- •

o[_y.,:_,t.y' rnt:O'I! iao[I-'_ ,m'Y senses 'were 'lo:per,aQng

in ,a cem.pletely' difFe:r1en't w,av fm,:m before,~ A

d,'-e- ID'''''o''I'''n~ h"·a"...1 .... -, .-, 1 ... _.; ·t· ..... ~~. ,··_-,·'th· - ~. . ,- -- d--' r 'I' ,- - - .. -

I, '-_,~_,I_. ,.' ,0 a,W'OJl.IED_O' IIJe' WlI.; ._ID me an: -, . - was

unab.e to escape from him. Sal. holding _ my

ha"'ud-' s· b'-'c" ··'~o.', 'r··e· m-"'! ~-, -;:'.'-:' 'I , .. __ ·_'11 ,-- ·to" ~III' , b·'_" . I·t' ,~, .,.

I. I . :'_' .... ,_:,1"-', ... ~~ I I Iy I,ace, ,_, ,IDVO,·U···. an:_ y :.,urs: I: 10.;1:0'

'J- h-t 'I Iii' . - . .

a'ug·,ter~ ,t was ,a mO:R vi[orlent lau,gll than. ,the

'. 'h- d- b- d ,", d' - :h dd

I':' _' . -",-'-1 .. ') - --::_- ') 'i'(:-'\'" ,""··1' ,~' _. _- l'~ ~,' ';.!." II' ';i ., --:--," '._ '. _'.'. '. -"!' -. I '.~. ".-,-. ..',',.

preVIOUS, one_ .. ,a,-e,en ,aD· It ma-e RIC ,S, u!".,,)er

'127

1'2;:8,,<'

. I'.' .

V·_

,

di t:I hi ,- th ,II!

Intern ing to, run atter mm ann get the Jar, or

h tev it .,- th tat . . 'd_: •.. th-I- - h-l - d

'C.Al' a:: ·-e·-'v···'rer '11 w·'··::,a' a, . -' a·" w,as, 'w'ira,p'p' '_', In' .. ',~ , a:"',,'O'I-

yl~ "'::,' _. _ '.' I _. _ ._ ~ '" ": _ .<J'.,' _,1. _" ' _'._, I, .) ...• '-J.__ '_'_...:" ... " .__: -. ._._

kelrchiei;, from him, but he was already a good, way off I' W-:-·· rent back to m 'p\t room and !o·p···· e :n" e d th re

''''''' •• v , ,'; <-.' "II! .. '.". - .' 1._., \.. .~' : ':1 J!~!.... .... ,I ....:_ -' '.' " .1.' .', '.1 .. c.. ).,~._ ,C,·_

'IE .. rind .. i .t:lli,'l,.l.T,. Do 'W-"":'O-'- th e' stre e t '1 C:O·'iU. ·,ld.··-! still see ,t"h-IJI!/IIJ o ... ld~-1

y.'.~.y' .c •• ~\"''1'.-!I!i - ... " . - . ,J '_,' !~j. _...: ."- .. : :.: .. :.1. ,.' g ,:. " . g ,': . ~~ ":" . "

· ,-- '.' -- ,,' .' . -,~ .' " ..,ii;.'L.! ' : I" h,,y. ,---. H-;-~'" . "h' ,', .. I' I-I d .. ' . ", .. .,- ;;-.... '(

rnan s croucnmg &'6ure~, .. na s;, IOU uers were

· ihaki :,-:-,~-",~ rith I' , " ,hi' .a ',"'," ·d·, , 'h' , h eld - .')..."', b "'-"~d-II-" S .1' '," .. n,g W.ll .... ,.l ,aug~_i~r ,a;D,.~ ".,~e, J~e,l_~ ~I,e . I un,"!_1 ,e

,t, , ,.' .. 1, .. ed ,". ··d " -:, h ill.. '.', ' .. -".-. "R"~' r. "C" ,'>1 ~ .' .... ,.' .... :.. . .... rh .:-:' -)

.~,uc,~e)·., UD_.,e,r __ IS arm. ,~I_.e w,as ruooln,! W.l'., .. l. ,a .

hil~'s- mig -·b·:.t-i and in th I, - end h e" d I!!I:S- a p-'- peare d 1'·'0'" to the

,~' ',' _II' I i, ~.' I, ',,:. ", __ ,J .. _:. :.,:. . .1, I~ ~', ,I ..: -' ~'_... ',' ",:. .'~ ,-,, __ ,I ~'. '_ ,..... '.1. e

· , : .. ~' .. 't' I-r tu ' .. ' ,,' ed .,' .' , l'!,- .. '-:" ': .. ' th'" '. - .. ,'!!I-.~. do '.,~ '.:0.1 '11. ~ 'k' .'. d D1IS~~ ,~..:., lur.De~, away If OlD . __c:'e WID. lOW ana 'OOI·~,e~!

dov ~" at "'~"'-" '~ .. elf ·M'.·····~" .-11·:-·*h'·, ',/,1;' '.,' - to '.-" .... id soiled

own. a. myse .. I.,~ ,,' ~.y csornes were ern am soneo

~..,..~ t",O:"PI: to .. · bottom WI· zith congealed blood T- 1"!W~'.'·o

,1,,JI,',:.V,iI.:ilJ,. ". - .' ", . .... ", '. ". '., " ... ' ~ . -'.' " . .' '. ~,', -'. - . . tI._.' .. ' ',- ,II ~'. ". ~ .

blister-flies wete circling about me, and tiny

hi ., "II' I· .. A' d

W',lte maggots were 'wfl,gg:,'m.g' OD my coat •.... ',.01',:1

,- _ .. -.-" zh '. *" I felt the we ~'h' ·,t f' a ,,~." '1- d --.-1

on my cnest .. re .1: tne welg_, '._ 01 a woman ,8= ean

bodv

0' ,y •• 'il '!ii'