From our primal ancestors hunting for potential mates in the wild up until the swipe-right culture

of modern day dating, the ideals of romantic relationships have progressed quite drastically in the past
few centuries. Humans have evolved from giving in to their carnal instincts to proliferate the human race
to being these starry-eyed creatures that have established Nicholas Spark’s The Notebook as the ultimate
relationship bible, a phenomena Charles Darwin could have never predicted from basing on scientific
theories alone. Somewhere along the works of evolution, humans developed the capability to become
emotionally attached to other people, a growth that has planted the notion of devotion to one’s true love
as an ideal of romance in the society.

Natural selection have favored the species that have changed overtime to better adapt to the
environment. Humans, in particular, did not evolve to grow wings for better transport or gain the strength
of gorillas to manually build houses made of stone. They developed to create emotional bonds with one
another, forming families that eventually led to the establishment of communities that helped each other
out to survive. This progression is rooted from the smallest unit of the community fostered by a faithful
and monogamous relationship between two individuals.

Partners that are able to nurture healthy, exclusive relationships are often viewed with high
regard in society. It cannot be denied that monogamy, forging a relationship with a single individual of the
opposite sex at a given time (Reichard & Boesch, 2003), has developed as an idealistic concept that people
are subjected to patronize, deeply embedded in the idea that relationships are tightly bounded by trust
and loyalty between partners. But while the general view regarding relationships is an evolution of human
adaptations that fostered emotional attachment to be able to survive, the reputation of monogamous
relationships can also be attributed to a series of historical events that drove humans to eventually settle
down with a single partner, a headway that can reinforce the concept that monogamy is a largely a
product of anthropogenic dealings more than our natural evolution that has dictated our approach to
committed relationships.

Humans did not start out as monogamous, faithful species, a fact that does not come out as a
surprise given the amount of available anthropological evidences that have documented our carnal nature
in prehistoric times. In the book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality co-authored by
the couple Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha on the basic urges of humanity, they claimed that no
species can rival the sexual promiscuity of Homo sapiens, as supported by biological data that have
presented how humans are actively pursuing new sexual experiences. This lustful sexuality dates back to
our primal ancestors that have engaged in wild sexual affairs given the lack of social conduct that was by
then still to be brought about civilization.

Our primal nature basically compels us to procreate in scenarios that ensures the highest
reproductive success. Logically, our ancestors think that this can be achieved by mating with greater
number of individuals to increase success rate. Back then, there was no need to include love and affection
in the equation. Humans just acted upon their sexual instincts driven by the opportunities in their
surroundings. So how did our race naturally develop from being primal creatures to emotional beings that
settled with one mate for life?

By numbers, only about 5% of mammal species around the world settle with a single mate and
two theories try to offer explanation to the monogamous nature of these species. According to the
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), primates evolved to be monogamous in order
to protect their infants. On the other hand, the correlation was contested by Lukas and Clutton-brock
(2013) in their research on the Evolution of Social Monogamy in Mammals. They claim that the possessive
nature of animals when it comes to their mates and breeding rights led certain species to develop their
monogamous instinct. This lead to the debate on the role of offspring on the evolution of monogamy in
mammals, specifically in humans. Although both of these theories contradict on the origin of monogamy,
both lead to the premise of the increase in paternity through the evolution of monogamy.

The role of a father has become increasingly important for the survival of the offspring in terms
of nurture and protection. However, paternal humans evolved further than what was expected, hunting
for food to be able to feed their young. This evolutionary behavior was a triumph for our lineage as it
contributed to the larger size of our brains due to the increase in protein intake (Zimmer, 2013). The
development of our brain size lead to subsequent increase in our mental capabilities, an advantage that
monogamy may have played a role in achieving.

As civilization began to take shape, humans went through character development from being
these wild, primal creatures to rational beings that placed high value on a working system. Humans soon
learned to depend on other people by creating emotional bonds with them. This led them to form units
that together worked to dominate the fight for survival. Without being in groups, humans could have
easily been feasted upon by the kings of the forest. Nonetheless, development as emotional beings did
not make humans faithful creatures instantaneously. Living in communities, all the basic necessities for
survival were shared. Parenting was not an ideal job for men and women, as men did not have material
possessions to pass down while women did not solely depend on individual men to get what they need.
Humans as emotional beings did not immediately forge connections that are largely attributed to the
feelings of love.

Love was not at all ideal from the get-go. In fact, romantic love was viewed as some form of
disease for most part of human history. Take for example Romeo and Juliet, a couple so consumed by
their love that they cannot bear to live without the other, eventually leading to their tragic deaths. Classic
stories like those of Romeo and Juliet led ancients to be skeptic of the function of romantic love. Love was
treated as a sickness that led people to make poor decisions. Survival was a large component of many of
the decisions in history. Feelings did not matter, when you need to find ways to put food in the table.
Marriages were arranged for economic purposes for extended families to prosper and survive. That was
why any form of philandering was not only a controversy but it also threatened the structure of the
community because of the ties possible severed between families.

Family wealth and inheritance played a big role in relationships in the ancient world, until the
dawn of the Industrial Age. At this period, people were able to assume better work roles and began to
become independent from their family connections, slowly erasing the economic aspect of marriages and
relationships. The 19th century established new economic realities which become inculcated with the
premise of the Age of Enlightenment on individual rights and pursuit of happiness, which eventually led
to the rise of Age of Romanticism. Love was not only seen as the driving force for marriage, but as well as
the eternal bliss that comes after, eventually leading to the birth of “happy-ever-after” 150 years ago.
Economic independence started to strengthen the value of emotions in the society.

People have developed from being skeptics into realists of romantic love, free from being driven
by primal instinct or by the need for approval from families. Love has become an escape for most people,
created to wash away all the life problems. Nowadays, love has increasingly become a game of Mad Libs,
where people supply the right words to a crafted fill-in-the-blank template in order to end up with the
desired scenario. Relationships of people start to follow a common trajectory with the end goal of happy
ever after with the perfect half. Basically, while love is portrayed by science as an illusion that evolution
conjured in order for our species to achieve reproductive success, it still brings about emotional security
and health benefits between partners and generally provides a structure in the society.

Monogamy, as a relationship ideal, continued to spread and thrive globally contrary to past
expectations. It may attributed to the collective benefits it provides like reduced reproductive competition
that lead to it gaining the favor in the cultural evolution. These offer some support as to how majority of
societies that has established monogamy as a standard have proven that engaging in monogamous
relationships is an effective and ideal approach in advancing the human race. As one group thrived from
monogamous practices, this success was easily transmitted to other less successful groups, not promoting
competition between individuals but instead, advancing forward as a race.

If monogamy is natural, why is it so hard? In the long run, all relationships take time, nurturing
trust and affection between partners and working on sustaining the connection beyond procreation.
However, while monogamy has idealized romance in a way that one eventually finds a lifetime partner,
some connections are severed by acts of dishonesty. People are assumed to nurture long-term
relationships, but it is not to be denied that the emotional aspect of our individuality plus the increasing
opportunities that the increasingly modern society has provided, some just become victims to
temptations.

What compels a person to cheat? Cheating has always been regarded with a negative connotation
from a general perspective. People who have been cheated on believe that cheaters will never be able to
justify their actions, emphasizing cheating as a deliberate act done by one’s own free will. The act of
cheating comes in different forms and degrees but nevertheless, those who are accused of it are broadly
dispensed into a category of the undesirable. According to McAnulty & Brineman (2012), the tendency to
stray in a relationship is seen to be directly related to the degree of commitment of person involved in
the relationship, leading to reservations about the fortitude of monogamy in the modern society where
hundreds of factors already come into play in the field of love and relationships. This continue to highlight
monogamy as a social construct that the society developed in order to maintain some structure in our
civilization and instill the needed ideals in its members.

In reality, our biological makeup forges strong attractions and emboldens sexual promiscuity,
making long-term commitments actually hard to sustain. Divorce has even developed to become a social
norm in the society. Divorce rates increased over the last decades, especially in the case of older people
according to Scott (2017), providing some support to the failure of marriages that can be accounted to
the fragility of the success of monogamy. Time and time again, no matter how people convince themselves
not to, most of them can’t help but jeopardize their relationships because of temptations. We always
encounter the question ‘why do people cheat?’ and although several answers are offered, either from a
spectator or offender point of view, it all boils down to the reason that they generally can’t help it. It’s in
their blood, as some biologists would argue.

Humans are said to be inherently polygamous, a concept that has been widely believed in by many
in this modern society. As individuals, we can definitely agree that we grew up with an idealistic notion of
romance, the reason why entertaining the thoughts of people following a norm that is engraved in their
biological makeup is a concept that is difficult to take in. Fairytales have wooed younger minds with the
concept of one true love and happy ever after, how we are bound to meet our other half, fall in love, and
spend the rest of our life in romantic bliss. But the time comes when people eventually outgrow the
hopeless romantic phase and starts to be introduced to the reality of broken hearts and bitter love stories.
Not all people are meant to stay together as not all relationships are made to last. Unlike penguins that
mate for life, people are driven by their need to procreate that is viewed to not always be addressed by
the love and loyalty that is packaged in a working and nurturing relationship.

As humans continue to advance intellectually in order to adapt to the dynamic nature, so did their
grasp of their emotional facets. People have experimented with different forms of relationships in order
to find the best recipe that is suited to their taste. Primarily, societies around the world observe diverse
traditions when it comes to relationships, specifically marriages. For example, record from
anthropological research by Heinrich, Boyd, & Richerson (2012) show that an estimate of 85 percent of
societies around the world recognizes polygyny, a man having more than a single wife, and a small
percentage acknowledges polyandry, a woman having multiple husbands. These type of relationships are
associated with privileges of wealth and power which are expected to successively dominate the society.

Even from the early times, practices of polygamy has been witnessed in the society. Members of
higher ranks in the community as well as people of royalty assume power that comes with the
acceptability of multiple partners. In the past, engaging in multiple relationships is a symbol of power,
especially for males that want to showcase their supremacy for reproductive success. Our society has
always been composed of unequal number of females and males which may have advocated these
practices, but in the bigger perspective, polygamous relationships still reduced the chances for other
males in the society to find suitable partners. That is why while some cultures still practice non-
monogamous relationships, monogamy still continued to be the societal norm.

However, people remain to be very passionate beings that are controlled by feelings of insecurity,
jealousy, distrust and temptations. Most relationships fail to work our because of the lack of the important
aspects of a nurturing and healthy relationship. Our primal nature to procreate has continued to gravitate
our attention to other members of our species even if we are already committed in a relationship. Our
biological makeup is responsible for these actions. Because monogamy has spread its roots in the society
as a standard ideal, engaging in non-monogamous relationships has been associated with a certain stigma.
The fear of being a disgrace to the conservative society is a burden to most people as acceptance is still
valued by people as form of recognition as member of the society. Still, this did not hinder people from
trying out other forms of relationship structures.

Receiving affection and care from one person has always been enough for most couples, but
imagine forging a relationships with more than one individual. In a conservative point of view, this can be
taken in negatively. People may think that these individual engaging in multiple relationships, or
polyamory, is only in it for the sexual aspect that is surely guaranteed by having multiple partners. The
truth is, there are certain myths that are to be dissociated with this form of relationship as discussed in
an article by Cooney (2018). People engaging in polyamory are not people who are not ready to commit.
In fact, entering a relationship that involves several people takes more commitment in order to sustain
the relations. Furthermore, while communication is seen as a problem for most couples, people in
polyamorous relationships are witnessed to display better communication between partners as it involves
laying out certain grounds of the relationships that involves the consent of all parties involved.
CONCLUSION:

The debate should not be on whether it is natural but if it is desirable

Acquired taste and learned skill