Paul Mc enna - Mind & Body Techniques - The Art of Flir

ting
The Art of Flirting
Flirting is a way of signalling attraction without commitment, a no strings atta
ched way of having fun with other people without any emotional fallout. At schoo
l we are taught maths and English but not important communication skills that ar
e vital to success in later life. Indeed it seems to me that many people are lar
gely unaware of many of the subtle signals they are sending and receiving. One o
f the most important of these is the skill of flirting. Flirting is not just abo
ut sending sexual signals, everyone flirts, salespeople do it, flirting is anoth
er name for prospecting.
Statistically the biggest phobia in the western world and the one that I get ask
ed to fix a lot is the fear of public speaking. However, the fear of having a co
nversation with a stranger, and worse than that, being rejected by that person i
s one that most people can identify with, because we all fear rejection. Even mo
re peculiar is the notion that a lot of people nowadays can feel so awkward talk
ing to someone but somehow are quite comfortable jumping into bed with them. Fli
rting is supposed to be fun. It's about being playful and should be accompanied
by a good dose of humour.
People have forgotten how much fun the flirting part is, and many people have no
t even taken the time or trouble to master this skill, and make no mistake, flir
ting is a learned skill. Little girls often learn it from their mothers or elder
sisters, cousins or friends. However if you weren't lucky enough to be surround
ed by flirts below is a simple easy to follow plan to the top ten techniques of
flirting that anyone can follow. Of course before you start practise your flirti
ng, you have to find someone to flirt with and that is a whole skill in itself.
In simple if you want to flirt with someone, all you need to do is send a signal
of interest. If you then receive a signal of interest back withdraw and invite
that person to become closer.

How to meet people to flirt with

You can meet people anywhere there are people. The key is to get from being a st
ranger, to being an acquaintance and finally a friend. If you are trying to meet
somebody in a coffee shop, the supermarket, or a bar the basic rule is the same
. Let the other person know that you are interested in getting to know them. Mos
t people when they see somebody they are attracted to, tend to ignore them and l
ook anywhere but at them. This is not going to get you very far. The other perso
n will interpret you ignoring them as disinterest.
The reason people do this is their innate fear of rejection. This is one of thos
e fears that is grossly exaggerated in people's imagination and can usually be d
ispelled by applying a bit of reality and common sense.
People are not as frightening as we think. Most people will not mind being appro
ached, they will find it flattering, and even if they are not interested in taki
ng the approach further will generally be polite and good humoured about it. If
you are somewhere and see somebody you like the look of, make eye contact, if th
ey look back, try smiling, and if that seems welcome, simply introduce yourself.
Hi my name is . works well on most people. Or a simple hello with a smile. Smile
s tend to elicit smiles. Then simply offer a little information about yourself r
ather than firing questions at the other person. The more you tell the person ab
out you the less of a stranger you are to them, and by showing a little interest
in their life and situation you are inadvertently flattering them which will ma
ke them feel good rather than threatened.
One word of advice, it's best not to ask them what they do. Otherwise you will s
imply get the work side of them, instead ask them what they like to do after wor
k, or what they do to have fun. Make sure you listen to them, remember what they
say and try and repeat it back. This will make them feel interesting and more r
elaxed.
Get in the mood
Your mood or state is all important when you set out to flirt. Everybody should
practise generating good feelings regularly just because you can. You need to ma
ke sure that you feel confident as that will inspire confidence in the other per
son. When you feel good about yourself you will make the other person feel good
too and you will seem attractive as a result. It is easy to put yourself into a
confident state before you go out using this simple technique. However, you don'
t have to be slick, authenticity is a far more desirable quality. In fact may ju
st be that the most attractive thing you can offer that person is your willingne
ss to be a little embarrassed.

Compliments
Compliments are great. The wonderful thing about them is that everyone loves rec
eiving them, they make you feel good and you can never be annoyed with the perso
n offering you one. You can compliment everyone you meet, just for practise. Fro
m the guy serving you in a restaurant, to your boss, it will go a long way to ma
king people more attracted to you without realising why. If you are unconsciousl
y associated in somebody's mind to their feeling good about themselves they will
absolutely love being around you and will like you more as a result.
Pay somebody a compliment. It makes them feel good and it will make you feel goo
d. The more relaxed you become about it the better. Then when you meet somebody
you like it will be more natural and easy to talk, to be attentive and to flatte
r them. This will pay off amazingly. You will get a lot more compliments back as
well which is always a lovely boost. They will make you feel more confident and
confidence is the most attractive quality to attract a mate.

Space Invasion
One of the most basic and easiest ways to create closeness is to break into the
other person's space. This has to be done very carefully without getting in the
other person's face instead of space! The rule is very simple, once you have con
nected with someone it's very powerful to back away slightly sending them the in
vitation to enter your intimate space. eep watching for how the other person re
acts to small forays into their space, with your hands or leaning in with your b
ody. Test their space boundaries using small moves to calibrate their reactions.
If you are paying attention it's easy to detect if they are welcoming to your a
dvances or unwelcoming, in which case BAC OFF.

Never Use Chat Up Lines

Don't use lines because quite simply they never work. If you use a clever, funny
line on someone it really doesn't have a lot of potential to go any further tha
n that. The recipient will rarely have anything to say back, there is no come ba
ck to a line other than a groan or a grimace. It also has overtones of thinking
that they say that to everyone and that their motives are purely sexual. Shyness
, rather than cockiness, tends to work much better at creating closeness and for
ming a bond. It's far better to convey a genuine sentiment of what is happening
at the time than some clever one liner.

Mirroring
We are always fundamentally attracted to people that we perceive as similar to u
s. We unconsciously seek out people who share similar backgrounds, looks, tastes
and personalities. Research has shown that the largest part of the meaning of o
ur communication is conveyed through body language. When you use the mirroring t
echnique, that is a simple copying of some their movements, speaking at the same
pace and volume as another you will automatically be creating a bond of similar
ity between you and the other person at the unconscious level. They will feel mo
re at ease with you, causing the to think 'this person is like me, I can trust t
hem'. Try not to be obvious about this, echoing rather than exactly copying thei
r posture and gestures, if they become consciously aware you are mirroring them
it may cause offence.

Whisper
There is quite simply nothing sexier and more likely to create intimacy than whi
spering. Plus it really doesn't matter what you whisper. It has so many advantag
es - you have to lean in very close to do it and it has such sexy overtones but
without being threatening. Of course it works best in a crowded place as there i
s a ready made excuse for doing it. It can create instant closeness if you whisp
er something conspiratorial to someone you don't know. Try walking up to someone
that you like the look of at a party and whisper to them that you need saving f
rom another guest. The other person gets to be your instant hero, you are bonded
together against a common foe. It's funny but also has the added benefit of mak
ing you look desirable.

Share
Sharing anything can quickly imply intimacy. Sharing a laugh, a joke, a conversa
tion can all be made to feel personal and be the perfect opportunity for flirtin
g. However, if you can get to a place where you are sharing food or drink you ar
e home and dry. It is very flirtatious to offer somebody food or to taste your c
ocktail. This obviously works best at a party or dinner. It is not particulary a
ppropriate to offer a stranger sitting near you in starbucks a taste of your lat
te! Use your common sense with this one. It is a very good gauge of how receptiv
e the other person is to you by how far they are prepared to go.

Eye Contact
This is a huge part of flirting. So much can be communicated to another person t
hrough your eyes and how many times you meet their gaze, and where your eyes go
to after you make eye contact.

Suggestion
Everybody is suggestible to some degree. The American hypnotist Ross Jefferies w
ho teaches the contraversial art of 'Speed Seduction' makes the observation that
far too many people attempt to impress another by trying to show how clever the
y are or how much they have. He uses a very simple model; Get the other person's
attention then drive them in to a state of arousal. This particular approach do
es take some skill and practice. His patter goes something like: "Let me ask you
question. Have you ever been totally fascinated with someone? Like maybe as you
were there, looking at him, and you started to LISTEN CAREFULLY, it was like hi
s voice just seemed to wrap itself around you, and the rest of your environment
just disappeared, and your entire world, everything you saw, became what was rig
ht in front of you? And anything he described, you found that you could just PIC
TURE IT CLEARLY? So you know, if he were talk about a romantic walk, on a moonli
t beach, with your perfect partner, you could SEE YOURSELF there with him, just
enjoying what that would be like?"
However, if we make the comparison of flirting to selling it becomes a lot clear
er. Whatever anyone is selling, be it houses, cars or insurance, they are ultima
tely selling good feelings. When you are selling yourself to someone else jut as
k yourself 'What does this person need to hear to feel good about me' Very often
it's just that you are natural and spontaneous.
Obviously some more than others but it is fair to say that millions would not be
spent on advertising products each year if people weren't open to suggestion. I
have made a career out of it. You can use people's suggestibility to suggest yo
u are attractive and desirable. And they will often believe you, if you put the
case subtly enough and often enough. A few examples of suggestions:

Building A Bridge
An old technique that spies are taught when wishing to establish rapport is to i
magine building a bridge of light between yourself and the other person. Usually
it's best to start it in you heart and extend it to their heart. I know this so
unds a little strange, but many people report that it works.

Clothes
Your clothes convey a non-verbal message. Remember sexual clothes may create aro
usal, but that does not equal attraction. This is one of those areas where you m
ight want to ask a friend for feed back. Usually it's best to choose a friend of
the same sex you wish to attract.

Body Language
There's so much that can be said about body language, however, in general it's u
sually best to be at 45degrees to the other person so that you are presenting yo
urself, but you are also holding something back. Try to align your eyes and mout
h to the other persons. A simple handshake can say a lot, for example research h
as shown that the optimum handshake lasts for 5 seconds, a dry palm is essential
and eye contact and slight smile all help to create a positive impression. In t
erms of body language for a woman. Once you have initiated conversation the clas
sic signs that most men will respond to and recognise as gestures of attraction
are hair tossing and laughing. The flirtatious laugh is different to a normal la
ugh in that it is slightly exaggerated with the head thrown further back to expo
se the neck. However, when you are just talking, it is just as effective to tilt
your head back slightly and draw attention to your neck by running two fingers
down it from below the chin towards the cleavage. This is incredibly provocative
and much less obvious.
Finally don't give up if you don't get immediate results. As Thomas Watson the f
ounder of IBM said ' If you want to increase you success rate you have to be pre
pared to increase your failure rate