Most women, and I wouldn’t be risking generalization even if I said all women, have experienced

some sort of discrimination, violence, sorrow that has emerged out of gender relationships at
home, workplace, streets or other public spaces. This could be something you have experienced,
or have been witness to, or have read and followed closely. The following is a very personal
account of how I analyse such an experience - particular to some contexts and people. It is an
aspect of broader social experiences, having to do with specific kinds of social and economic
arrangements. I attempt to draw from my personal experience to make a larger argument about
gender relationships, power and authority.

In ‘herstory’ of domestic violence lays bare the ‘history’ of it.

History is testimony to the women’s subordinate status in the society. From the Vedic
age women have been subjected to inequality and looked down as an inferior sex. The
purdah system, the sati system, etc. mirror this inequality. Quite evidently it is set in the
socio-cultural norms prevalent in the society and these socio-cultural norms being
inclined towards patriarchy and masculinity.

Without overlooking the violence against men, women by far have been the main
victims of domestic violence.

The traditional gender roles portray males as dominant and females as submissive. But
are men innately more violent than women or is it taught to them by the society. Gender
–based violence serves- by intention or effect-to perpetuate male power and control.
Societal norms play an active part in shaping gender identity and roles. Traditional male
and female gender roles may lead to the acceptance of certain behaviours, and the
belief that these behaviours are ‘natural’ or ‘particular’ to that gender.

“Men are taught to be violent by a society, a "cult of masculinity," which "tells them that in order
to be properly masculine and thus really have any worth or identity, they need to be in some
degree of control. That may easily lead to violence, especially if they have seen it in their own
homes and feel that it is normal, and if they are in a situation where they feel challenged or
weakened in some way and therefore not masculine," says Steinem, a feminist.

And this type of stereotyping then leads to imposing limitations and acceptance of
certain behavior by both the genders. Violence is thus a tool that men use constantly to
control women as a result of highly internalized patriarchal conditioning. Wife beating
maybe the commonest form of abuse worldwide irrespective of class, religion and
community. The problem of violence against women has to be visualized in a wider
context and cannot be viewed in isolation from the status of women in the society.

Domestic violence in a broader sense is multidimensional- the aspects being structural,

cultural, economic, societal and individual. As mentioned above, societal and cultural
‘norms’ play a very active part in shaping gender roles that has magnified manifold the
problem of domestic violence. The personal aspect of it includes substance abuse,
poverty, unemployment, resulting in increased aggression. Women in lower-class
societies suffer more of domestic violence than their middle and upper class
counterparts. Furthermore, abuse may often escalate if a woman has received a better
education or higher paying job than her husband. This may result from a threat to the
male ego that the abuser might feel and causing him to use violence to make up for his
inability to control their wives through financial means. Another aspect would be an
individual’s personal and psychological background. If an individual has been witness to
violence and abuse he is likely to be more violent himself.

This is where I would like to bring in one of my thoughts about the issue-where I
identified a sort of a vicious endless trend- if being a witness to violence in childhood
reflects in your personality and you become a perpetrator of violence and then it carries
forward in generations?

Thus domestic violence is a part of the one of the most-widely spread social evils-
Gender violence- rooted in women’s subordinate status. The discrimination that begins
in the womb intensifies into violence against women.

And the question that why women put up with the abuse in the home, and for that
matter why my mother did it? The answer certainly lies, which I’m sure she will never
own up to now that the situation is fine, in their unequal status in society. They are often
caught in a vicious circle of economic dependence, fear for their children's lives as well
as their own, lack of confidence in themselves and social pressures, ignorance of laws
protecting them against such abuse. These factors effectively force women to a life of
recurrent mistreatment from which they often do not have the means to escape.

And what goes by my experience of it all, it does not appear suddenly but begins
gradually and sometimes very subtly. It does not always take the form of physical and
sexual abuse and violence but could be verbal humiliation, insults and threats.

And yet another dimension of this social problem is the impact of it on children. The
distressing effects of it on the women has been over the past few years, documented
and to a large extent addressed. Aren’t they the usually-forgotten victims of violence in
the home- the witnesses to the violence?

Growing up in such an environment, being a witness to such violence-I see myself an

aggressive person, if not violent. But cannot justify if this is to be blamed “childhood
memories” or can be called a personality traits.

And yet another question that comes to my mind- Would I have been a different person
had I not been a witness to the domestic violence at home…..?
 “When I am asked why a woman doesn’t leave abuser I say: Women stay
because the fear of leaving is greater than the fear of staying. They will leave
when the fear of staying is greater than the fear of leaving.”
by Rebecca J. Burns (The Last Straw)

And while reading about the issue, I happened to come across this poem that I thought of sharing
with you.

RAINY AUTUMN MORNING- TARA ALLAN STEWART

Her eyes are open

on a rainy autumn morning
as they have been all night.

She barely breathes;

she must listen
for signs of his awakening.

Her hands are in fists

at her sides,
long nails cut her own palms
afraid he may wake
and draw her near:

control, not love.

Courage courses through

small, aching body,
smell of vomit dried in her hair
from last night's concussion