[Last Name] 1

Alex Hilbert
Wilson
Period 3
2/28/18

It had been four years since I actually smiled but that all changed when I talked to her. I
know what your thinking right now, “There's no way you didn't smile for four years.” Well, you’re
partially right I did smile. But it wasn't really a genuinely happy smile it was fake. I bet you're
wondering, “Why didn't you smile?” well this is why. I was in 4th grade when my parents got
divorced. That day was the worst day of my life. It started a war within myself that i can't even
explain. What happened was rough, but i got through it all with the help of my sister. I got
through driving around downtown with my mom and Amy, which was her best friend at the time.
I dealt with them getting me from school and ruining me. After being seperated from my dad
who raised us since we were born, we haven't gone a day without seeing him. It was only for 2
weeks but it felt like 2 years. But with my mom, we couldn't spend the night for 2 years. Then we
couldn't talk to her, see her, or even call her for a year. My mom had to go to rehab, the mental
hospital, and medical hospital. She struggled with alcohol, depression, anxiety, and mental
disorders. She's tried to kill herself several times and i can't blame her because i thought about
it too. But my dad found out and he sent me to a psychologist. I got diagnosed with anxiety and
ocd. They gave me medicine for it and i still take it to this day. I got better and I was a lot
happier than before. My mom got help too and we’re both happy to this day.

Throughout my life i went through many obstacles, but i got through it. Even though i got
better things kind of started going downhill. I got into my old habits, and i was very lonely. Then
one night on 10/12/18 i was watching a show. There was a couple in it, and they were so cute. I
was in a very dark place at the time and i felt so lonely. I wished i had a girlfriend. Well it was
National Coming Out Day and i was looking at peoples stories on snapchat. My friend Jaden’s
name came up and i ended up being in her private story. I never noticed it before, so i watched
her story and she had a post about National Coming Out Day. She never specified if she was
gay or not, and i thought she was straight because she was a cheerleader. I slid up on her story
because i thought she was cute and i said “Why are you posting this, I thought you were
straight?” and she said “No i'm not.” I was thinking to myself i need to start talking to her more
because she’s so cute and sweet. i asked her for her number and we facetimed for 6 hours that
night. I fell for her quick. We started talking after that call and i asked her out 10/19/18.
Throughout our relationship i’ve gained so much love for her.

Jaden was my world.she helped me get through everything and made life worth it for
once. We did everything together and we talked to each other 24/7. I missed her so much when
i wasn't with her even though we were always texting, and right after she would leave after
hanging out i missed her like .03 seconds later. Jaden and i’s relationship was the best, we
were the cutest couple ever. Things felt so right with her and i really thought she was meant for
me. But one day things started feeling different and we would get into small arguments and we
never really argued before this only every once in a while about stupid things but now we were
 [Last Name] 2

having little arguments a lot. Things just felt weird and it just didn't feel the same anymore. But i
had faith in us and i tried to fight for our relationship and jaden did too and i felt like things were
getting better but i guess they weren't.

Today is 3/2/19 and i can’t talk about jaden and i’s relationship. It brings me pain, she
broke up with me today and i’ve been crying for many hours. I had, and still have so much love
for her. She’s my everything and i thought she was my soulmate. Maybe even a gift from God
because she got me out of a really dark place. She made me happy again and actually smile. I
guess for now that smile is going to be put away again because she took all of my happiness
with her. i was absolutely in love with jaden. I tried to get her to stay but it didn’t work. I did
nothing bad to her, i treated her with the most love in the world. I treated her like a princess but
she said she needs space and time alone because she just isn’t happy. It is so hard knowing
that you couldn’t make the love of your life happy. My goal was to make her happy and make
her feel loved every second and knowing i couldn’t do that just causes me so much pain. I
guess this is my life, in the beginning it was bad. But jaden came into my life and made it better.
Now she’s made my life worse than before, but i guess that’s the risk you have to take with love.

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors)

Score: 40.5/50
W.9-10.3​. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and
well-structured event sequences.
Standard
3.a​. ​Introduction​ -
Engage and orient the
reader by setting out a
problem, situation, or
observation, establishing
one or multiple point(s)
of view, and introducing
a narrator and/or
characters; create a
smooth progression of
experiences or events.
8.5
Exceptional (10-9) Proficient (8-7) Emerging (6-1) Not Evident (0)
❏ Effectively hook the ❏ Hook the reader with
reader with a creative, a compelling hook
original, and
compelling hook ❏ Effectively sets out a
problem, situation, or
❏ Effectively sets out a observation
problem, situation, or
observation in a ❏ Establish an insightful
compelling and/or point of view
creative manner
❏ Introduce a narrator,
❏ Establish an insightful, characters, setting,
original, or creative and main idea
point of view
❏ Introduce a ​complex
and/or creative
narrator, characters,
setting, and main idea

3.b. ​Narrative​ - ​Use ❏ Utilize ​two or more ❏ Utilize narrative

narrative techniques, (teacher discretion) techniques such as
such as dialogue, pacing, narrative techniques dialogue, pacing,
with purpose: description,
description, reflection,
dialogue, pacing, reflection, and
and multiple plot lines, description, reflection, multiple plot lines
to develop experiences,

events, and/or
characters.
8.5
3.c​. ​Organization​ - ​Use a
variety of techniques to
sequence events so that
they build on one
another to create a
coherent whole.
7 create an original plot
3.d.​ ​Language​ - ​Use
precise words and
phrases, telling details,
and sensory language to
convey a vivid picture of
the experiences, events,
setting, and/or
characters.
8.5
3.e.​ ​Conclusion​ - ​Provide
a conclusion that follows
from and reflects on
what is experienced,
observed, or resolved
over the course of the
narrative.
8 complex and original
multiple plot lines,
etc…
❏ Develop experiences,
events, and/or
characters and to
clearly develop a
purposeful theme
❏ Use ​purposefully
narrative techniques
such as
foreshadowing,
dramatic irony,
suspense, and/or
flashbacks in a ​highly
effective manner​ ​to
structure
❏ Create a smooth
progression of
experiences or events
that is logical, ​creative,
and sophisticated ​and
that uses ​highly
engaging devices
❏ Use precise, detailed
and ​sophisticated
words, phrases, and
sensory language​ to
engage the reader ​and
convey a​ ​vivid picture
❏ Provide a conclusion
that reflects on what is
experienced, observed,
or resolved
❏ Extends the meaning
and purpose to
connect to the
audience ​and​ ​convey a
theme
[Last Name] 3
❏ Develop experiences,
events, and/or
characters in attempt
to convey theme
❏ Use appropriately
techniques such as
foreshadowing,
dramatic irony,
suspense, and/or
flashbacks
❏ Create a smooth
progression of
experiences or events
that is logical and
engaging
❏ Use precise and
detailed words,
phrases, and sensory
language to convey a
vivid picture
❏ Provide a conclusion
that reflects on what
is experienced,
observed, or resolved
❏ Extends the meaning
to convey a theme