Sex, Lies and Videotape

The young guy killed himself.
Sex, Lies and Now, if sex is really “just a normal bodily

function,” why on earth would he be so
Videotape distraught that he would end his life? Maybe

he wasn’t embarrassed about the sexual act
itself, only about the violation of his
privacy. But what if his roommate had
Sex is no big deal? After the recent suicide caught him in the act of picking his nose or
of an American college student, how can going to the bathroom? It strains the
anyone honestly say that? imagination to believe that he would have
killed himself over the display of these
by Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse “normal bodily functions.” If sex is really
“just a recreational activity,” would anyone
After any suicide, the survivors search their kill himself over a video showing him
souls for its meaning and what they might playing baseball or checkers or video
have done to prevent it. The recent tragedy games?
of a young man diving off the George
Washington Bridge after his roommate Maybe he was afraid people would not
posted a sexual video of him is no accept him, that he would be teased,
exception. Advocates of greater acceptance specifically because he was engaged in a
of same sex sexual activity have seized upon homosexual act. But this assumes that
this case as ammunition for their cause. But students at a university like Rutgers actually
I believe viewing this incident through a care. Sex is no big deal, remember? Whether
wider lens will benefit young people you’re doing it with a guy or a girl, no
generally, not just those who experience problem, as long as you both consent and
same sex attraction. For the last 40 years, you use “protection.”
adult society has steadily pummeled young
people with the message that “sex is no big Actually, this particular student killed
deal.” This case proves once and for all, that himself before much teasing could even
this claim is false. Adult society should stop begin from this particular incident. But let’s
sending this message, in all its forms. say he was correct, and that he could
reasonably anticipate sexual teasing.
Why did this promising young man kill Parenthetically, let’s note that sexual teasing
himself? Evidently, he negotiated with this is not a specifically “gay” problem. Several
roommate to have the private use of their girls have committed suicide over the
room for a sexual encounter with another teasing fallout from “sexting.” These girls
guy. His roommate made a video of him endured months of teasing and harassment
engaged in sex and posted it on the internet. before they killed themselves.
Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse • 663 S. Rancho Santa Fe Road Suite 222 San Marcos CA 92078
www.jennifer-roback-morse.com • email: drj@jennifer-roback-morse.com • 760/295-9278
©2007 No part of this document may be reproduced or disseminated in any way without the expressed written consent of the
Ruth Institute.
Gay or straight, male or female, these constitutes the sexual good for men and
incidents raise a fundamental question about women. Reasonable people may disagree.
the official position of our sexual culture. Is But we are doing ourselves and our young
it really true that “sex is no big deal?” people no favor by telling them there is no
such thing as better or worse sexual
The sensitivity of these students to sexual behavior.
teasing as opposed to other forms of teasing,
the fact that we all intuitively know that this It is time we admit the truth that each of us
form of teasing is uniquely painful, the fact knows deep in our hearts: sex is more than a
that even bullies, insensitive thugs though pleasurable instinct. Sex is deeply
they may be, instinctively hone in on the meaningful, so much so, that we may be
sexual aspects of a person’s life as the most forgiven for calling it “sacred.” It is time we
vulnerable: all these things point to one stop kidding ourselves.
simple truth. Sex is a big deal. We have not
succeeded in talking ourselves out of this, in This article was first published at
spite of enormous cultural efforts to do so. Mercatornet.com on October 10, 2010.
In fact, let’s not mince words: we have
faced 40 years worth of intense propaganda Jennifer Roback Morse, Ph.D. is an
trying to break down any sense of sexual economist and the Founder and President of
decorum. the Ruth Institute, a nonprofit educational
organization devoted to bringing hope and
I’m sure the people promoting these encouragement for lifelong married love.
messages have their reasons. Perhaps they She is also the author of Love and
wish to convince themselves and others that Economics: It Takes a Family to Raise a
there is no basis for judging sexual acts or Village and Smart Sex: Finding Life-Long
the people who participate in them. Perhaps Love in a Hook-Up World.
they wish to overcome sexual shame,
thinking that we will be happier if all that This article is published by
baggage can be jettisoned. But the Jennifer Roback Morse,
persistent sensitivity of young people like and MercatorNet.com
these suggests that sexual reticence may run under a Creative Commons license. You
more deeply in the human psyche than we may republish it or translate it free of charge
have supposed, and that purging it entirely with attribution for non-commercial
from the human soul may not be possible. purposes following these guidelines. If you
teach at a university we ask that your
This doesn’t necessarily prove that any department make a donation. Commercial
particular code of sexual conduct is the media must contact us for permission and
correct one. It surely does suggest that it is fees. Some articles on this site are published
rational to ask the question of what under different terms.
Ruth Institute.
Ruth Institute.

Sex, Lies and Videotape

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Sex, Lies and Videotape

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The young guy killed himself.

Sex, Lies and Now, if sex is really “just a normal bodily

Videotape distraught that he would end his life? Maybe

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