 Writing improvement exercises Flabby Expressions

Revise the following sentences to eliminate flabby phrases. 16. Despite the fact that we lost the
contract, we must at this time move forward.

17. inasmuch as prices are falling, we will invest in the very near future.

18. We cannot fill the order until such time as payment is received for previous shipments.

19. Due to the fact that our manager is acquainted with your sales rep, we are fully cognizant of
your price increases.

20. as a general rule, we would not accept the return; however, we will in all probability make an
exception in this case.

Long Lead-Ins

Revise the following to eliminate long lead-ins. 21. this message is to let you know that i received
your e-mail and its attachments.

22. this memo is to notify everyone that we will observe Monday as a holiday.

23. i am writing this letter to inform you that your homeowners’ coverage expires soon.

24. this is to warn everyone that the loss of laptops endangers company security.

There is/It is Fillers

Revise the following to avoid unnecessary there is/it is fillers. 25. there are many businesses that
are implementing strict e-mail policies.

26. it is the CEO who must give her approval to the plan.

27. there are several Web pages you must update.

28. the manager says that there are too many employees who are taking long breaks.

Redundancies

Revise the following to avoid redundancies. 29. Because the proposals are exactly identical, we
need not check each and every item.

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30. We will let you know the dollar amount of the remodeling charges.

31. the office walls were painted beige in color.

32. Our supervisor requested that all team members return back to the office.

Trite Business Phrases

Revise the following sentences to eliminate trite business phrases. 33. as per your request, we
will no longer send e-mail offers.

34. thank you in advance for considering our plea for community support.

35. Pursuant to your request, we are sending the original copies under separate cover.

36. Enclosed please find a check in the amount of $700.

Jargon, Slang, Clichés

Revise the following sentences to avoid confusing jargon, slang, clichés, and wordiness. 37.
although our last presentation bombed, we think that beyond the shadow of a doubt our new
presentation will fly.

38. Our team must be willing to think outside the box in coming up with marketing ideas that pop.

39. true to form, our competitor has made a snarky claim that we think is way below the belt.

40. if you will refer back to the budget, you will see that there are provisions that prevent blowing
the budget.

Buried Verbs

Revise the following to unbury the verbs. 41. Ms. Nelson gave an appraisal of the home’s value.

42. the board of directors will give consideration to the contract at its next meeting.

43. Web-based customer service causes reduction in overall costs.

44. in preparing this proposal, we must make an application of new government regulations.

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Chapter 4: Revising Business Messages

45. Management made a recommendation affirming abandonment of the pilot project.

46. the insurance investigator made a determination of the fire damages.

Precise, Direct Words

Revise the following sentences to improve clarity and precision. use your imagination to add
appropriate words. Example They said it was a long way off. Revision Management officials
announced that the merger would not take place for two years. 47. Soon we will be in our new
location.

48. an employee from that company notified us about the change in date.

49. Please contact us soon.

50. they said that the movie they saw was good.
51. the report was weak.

Lists, Bullets, and Headings

Revise the following sentences and paragraphs using techniques presented in this chapter.
improve parallel construction and reduce wordiness if necessary. 52. Revise the following by
incorporating a bulleted list. yellin Resources specializes in preemployment background reports.
among our background reports are ones that include professional reference interviews, criminal
reports, driving records, and employment verification.

53. Revise the following by incorporating a numbered list. When writing to customers granting
approval for loans, you should follow four steps that include announcing that loan approval has
been granted. then you should specify the terms and limits. Next you should remind the reader of
the importance of making payments that are timely. Finally, a phone number should be provided
for assistance.

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54. Revise the following by incorporating a bulleted list. the american automobile association
makes a provision of the following tips for safe driving. you should start your drive well rested. you
should wear sunglasses in bright sunshine. to provide exercise breaks, plan to stop every two
hours. Be sure not to drink alcohol or take cold and allergy medications before you drive.

55. Revise the following by incorporating bulleted items with category headings. Our attorney
made a recommendation that we consider several things to avoid litigation in regard to sexual
harassment. the first thing he suggested was that we should take steps regarding the
establishment of an unequivocal written policy prohibiting sexual harassment within our
organization. the second thing we should do is make sure training sessions are held for
supervisors regarding a proper work environment. Finally, some kind of official procedure for
employees to lodge complaints is necessary. this procedure should include investigation of
complaints.

grammar/Mechanics checkup 4 Adjectives and Adverbs

Review Sections 1.16 and 1.17 of the Grammar/Mechanics Handbook. then study each of the
following statements. underscore any inappropriate forms. in the space provided write the correct
form (or C if correct) and the number of the G/M principle illustrated. you may need to consult
your dictionary for current practice regarding some compound adjectives. When you finish,
compare your responses with those provided at the end of the book. if your answers differ,
carefully study the principles in parentheses. seven-year-old

(1.17e)

Example Most of our seven year old equipment is still working. 1. Our newly redecorated offices
featured state of the art equipment. 2. Contractors may submit only work related expenses. 3. all
applicants will be treated equal in the hiring process. 4. Many applicants submitted there résumés
by e-mail. 5. vice President Wilson said that we only had five days to finish the proposal. 6. We
tried to make a point by point comparison of the programs. 7. tyler and Joanna said that they’re
planning to start there own business next year. 8. trevor made a spur of the moment decision
regarding the equipment. 9. Not all decisions that are made on the spur of the moment turn out
badly. 10. the committee offered a well thought out plan to revamp online registration. 11. you
must complete a change of address form when you move. 12. Each decision will be made on a
case by case basis. 13. i could be more efficient if my printer were more nearer my computer. 14.
if you reject her offer to help, Kristen will feel badly. 15. the truck’s engine is running smooth after
its tune-up.

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