RADIO FREE RADIO

Show Date: 10/26/2010

Mission Statement of the Week

To learn how to wink the Declaration of Independence in Morse Code, a skill that
makes drawing the fancy of a patriot almost too easy.

Occupying our Place of Honor, playing cards with the satyrs who sometimes visit our
Throne Room, is Led Zeppelin, with the song “Trampled Underfoot,” for very nearly
exhausting the world’s supply innuendos dealing with cars, all in one funky tune.

Recap of Last Week’s Show

Deciding that the studio needs more class, Matthew and B.J. both agreed to come
to the show early, bearing an item to spruce the place up with. The two cheerfully
dreamed of the possibilities, but woke up before they could make quality decisions, and
just grabbed what ever they could find that they kind of liked. Striding side by side into
the studio and having discussing the fact that any “classing up” provided by their
respective objects would be rendered moot without a handsome end-table to display them
on, Matthew and B.J. unveiled their chosen items. Matthew’s pewter teakettle glinted in
the studio’s haze of artificial light, and B.J.’s lusterless clay sculpture did not. Matthew
asked B.J. whether his choice wasn’t a bit proletarian, which prompted B.J. to indicate
the bourgeois properties of Matthew’s pewter teakettle. The two talked about the validity
of the accusations and which was the worse. The sound of their argument spilled into the
hallway via an unclosed door, where it was seized upon by the custodians, handymen,
and administrative workers who at times patrol the hallways. The huddle of workers
broke into two opposing groups, one pro-proletariat and one pro-bourgeoisie, and there
was a great shaking of fists – the commotion of which drew Matthew and B.J. out of the
studio. Seeing the fire in custodians’ eyes, Matthew was grateful he hadn’t given these
two groups a common enemy by accidentally kicking over a glass of milk or cleaning
chemicals [why Matthew felt there might be a glass of cleaning chemicals in the studio is
unclear – ed.]. When the first demonstrative brick flew into the air like a fat, indefensibly
surly pigeon, Matthew threw on his best Napoleon I impression and called for order. The
Fellows for the Bourgeoisie, as they had decided to call themselves, retired to the break
room, sipped whatever warm beverages were available, and drafted an essay defending
their points, while the Proletariat People stuck around and rallied. At that moment, the
ex-lumberjack/custodian from whom Matthew and B.J. had received help in the past
exited the bathroom and, in a vocalization that sounded like a titan was shifting around
mountains out of boredom, asked what was going on. Not liking the sound of what B.J.
and Matthew explained to him, he sighed and muttered something about the ability of
pastries to stand in the way of bloodshed, pulled out a cell phone, called a baker friend of
his, and reached for his car keys. B.J. commented to Matthew that if this is what it
brought, maybe the studio did not need more class. Twenty minutes later, the two groups
met in the hallway again to orate at each other. Matthew and B.J. reported live from the
scene, until their custodian friend returned with a multitude of delicious pies, the
presence of which distracted the adherents of the warring factions and calmed the
infernos raging in their chests. The two hosts partook of the food and merrily forgot not
to chew into the microphones.

Playlist

Title: Talkin’ ‘Bout Love

I Need Love – The Music

Trampled Underfoot – Led Zeppelin
Long Train Runnin’ – The Doobie Brothers
Ban The Tube Top – Reel Big Fish

Special Top Thirty Cameo: Magdalena – An Attic Abroad

Banter Highlights
+ B.J. complains about the lack of festivity he sees in people on holidays, citing an
instance in July when his unauthorized indoors fireworks display was broken up by two
mall security guards, whom he described as “husky conspirators.”
+ Stress-testing houses with artificial hurricanes and other good ideas.
+ Matthew tries to demonstrate the sound of glory to B.J. and listeners of the show by
whipping his gleaming, lustrous hair into the microphone several times, eliciting the
comment [from himself – ed.] that that couldn’t have been the sound of glory because
“glory doesn’t ‘whoosh.’”
+ Matthew immediately takes the previous comment back, saying that it probably does,
actually.
+ Discussion of the bans on miniskirts and sandcastles in an Italian seaside village.
+ Siesta contests – why is there a prize for best-dressed sleeper?
+ B.J. informs Matthew that he wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not he should
replace the fence posts his raccoon Wendell chews on if he had simply chosen metal
fencing for his raccoon’s enclosure. He then spends eight minutes outlining good fence-
metals and their individual foibles, taking special note of malleability.
+ The controversy over the woman/man who might be wielding a cell phone in the
background of a Charlie Chaplin film is determined to be, at least, curious.

Real Word of the Day

besotted – extremely infatuated; intoxicated

Made Up Word of the Day

scrote tote – another word for jock strap

Special Preview of Next Week

Sounding like a volcano of giggles, Matthew will explode into the studio ten
minutes late, laughing wildly. When pressed, Matthew stirringly recaptures the events of
five minutes ago, in which he saw a man – quenching his thirst with dairy – trip up a set
of stairs and shoot milk out of his nose simultaneously, then, to all witnesses’ surprise,
laugh and abruptly projectile vomit, with an air of mischievous pleasure. He then
discusses how bizarre it is to hear his neighbors complain behind his back about his new
privacy fence while he’s playing outside with Wendell, his raccoon. Upon B.J.’s inquiry
of whether it’s possible that his neighbors are talking to him directly and Matthew just
can’t tell because his fence is twelve feet tall and therefore an obstacle to easy
communication, Matthew admits that that would explain a lot. Also, B.J. recounts his
Halloween night, including the man he saw costumed as the Spirit of Male Inferiority
Complexes. Tune in at 9 pm on Tuesday to witness it transpire.