Samantha Johnson

Keith Radley
Comm 101
Myself as a Communicator

There are many things that come to my mind when I think about how I

communicate; My first thought is that I am not good at communicating (for example I

have re-written this sentence 10 times and still am not confident with my wording).

Secondly I think of what makes me a bad communicator; Different interactions I have

had with various people in my life flood my mind, mostly all negative. Then I think about

how I can improve and how I know I am capable of being better. This leads me to

ponder about this class and how I have already learned a lot about myself and how I

communicate and the different skills I can acquire to be better.

As a person in general I tend to focus on what is wrong or bad rather than what is

good. This affects my communication skills and my communication overall and how I

see myself greatly. I am also very aggressive and typically say whatever is on my mind

which has been a blessing and curse. My nana has always called me her M & M

because I am hard on the outside and soft on the inside. A huge reason I am a bad

communicator and have this hard shell is I have a lot of stuff and I forget about other

people’s stuff.

Another big factor is I have Bipolar Disorder (I try and not use this as an excuse

but it really does affect my communication). My Bipolar Disorder makes my emotions

stronger and harder to control than other people. I find myself constantly irritated and

blowing up over the little stuff. However, many people would not know this for example

my co workers. I have never been unprofessional at work or short with people. If you
were to ask my family or my boyfriend they would tell you all about my manic episodes

over mostly little things. I am not sure if this is a Bipolar thing or just a me in general

thing but I have an incredibly hard time when I expect something to be a certain way

and it is not. My struggle is redirecting myself and coping with changes. For example I

asked my boyfriend to do some laundry and when I got home he had only washed his.

So I naturally blew this out of proportion and made many “You” statements, like “why do

You make me so angry, why can You not think,mwhy would I ask You to wash your

laundry only”. After these moments of just rage I am logical enough to understand I

overreacted but in the moment it is very hard not to “blow up”.

I struggle with my communication but I am also a very smart person and know I

am capable of improving. I understand that my stuff like my childhood, mental health

and other factors play a roll but at the end of the day I am in control of myself. I think if I

were to take care of my mental health better it would improve my communication and

relationships. It is hard though to swallow pride and seek a “professional” because it

forces you to admit there is something wrong. Part of me loves all of the bad but I know

it is not good for myself and the people around me so I want to change.

This class has really opened my eyes to how I communicate and how I can

improve already. For example I learned about the stuff we all have and how we each

have our own perceptions. My boyfriend was not trying to make me angry but his

perception was I just wanted some of the laundry out of my eye sight. Little things we

have discussed in class have made an impact on me. Since learning about “You”

statements I am trying to be better about taking ownership of my own emotions and

communicating them better. I hope by the end of the class I grow and improve my
relationships and communication even more. After the class I hope to remember the

things I have learned and continue to improve and be my best self and always strive to

improve.