Weston Marcusen

Nikki Mantyla
ENGL 1010

Kids or No Kids
Have you ever felt pressured to have children? Maybe you already have children or are
struggling with the inability to have children. Shortly after Kj and I first got married, we felt a
lot of pressure to have children from many different acquaintances. I already had a close
relationship with my family and my wife had developed a close relationship with them as well.
Unfortunately, we began to feel resentment as they kept pressuring us to have kids. Around
this same time my sister and her husband had a child on the way. While at my sister’s baby
shower, my mother and grandmother made a lot of comments and asked a lot of questions of
Kj, implying that we were also expected to have kids. We hadn’t decided yet if we even wanted
kids and we certainly weren’t ready at the time. We had just bought a house that needed a lot
of work, she was still in nursing school, and income was limited. The pressure didn’t stop with
my family though; both of us were getting pressured to have children by coworkers as well. I
remember two of my friends, Nate and Luke saying, “You’ve got to have at least one.” They
also said, “Your mom will be so disappointed if you don’t.” It felt like the implications were if
we didn’t have children then we couldn’t live a complete happy life.
Were we being selfish for not having children? Can we live a full and happy life without
children, and should people feel pressured into having children? What if you can’t have
children?
Not being a parent myself it is hard to say what being a parent is like. I read into many articles
on the debate of having kids versus not. Many of my friends would say that it is the best thing
that they have ever been a part of. Even the ones who had children by accident would say that
they wouldn’t change a thing. “Should I Have Kids” shares these sentiments “The fact of the
matter is we parents love our children and for the most part wouldn't trade it for anything in
the world. It gets difficult at times and yet anything worthwhile usually does.”(McMurray,
2013) I could see how having kids would give people this view point and I would agree that
most things worthwhile in life are difficult at times. Smith further explain some of the benefits
of having children. “People that have children have the benefit of adding to their family and
experiencing the joys that come with young children.”(Smith, 2011) While I agree that having
kids can add joyful life experiences, I would argue that people who don’t have kids have
different joyful life experiences. This also assumes that all experiences raising children will be
positive and joyful. However, people who have children are also likely to benefit from their
children in older age. “Furthermore, when children grow up, they can be responsible for their
parents and can help nurse them in age or sickness.”(Smith, 2011) While most of us would feel
obligated to take care of our ill and aging parents, there is no guarantee that we will. As a
person that has decided to not have children, I have often wondered this exact thing. Who will
take care of us as we get older? Let’s not forget that getting married and having kids has been
what’s considered normal for ages, but times are changing and quickly.
With so many benefits why would anyone not want to have children? Many people who
don’t have kids still live very fulfilling lives. They get to enjoy the freedom to take a trip at the
drop of a hat or go out without having to worry about who will watch the kids. Kids also cost a
lot of money. “The average cost of raising a child born in 2013 up until age 18 for a middle-
income family in the U.S. is approximately $245,340, according to the latest annual ‘Cost of
Raising A Child’ report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture.”(Thomas, 2014) While it’s true
that kids cost a lot of money it’s hard to weigh that against a potential lifetime of happiness
with your children. Most parents would give up everything they have to keep their kids happy
and in good health. Another benefit of not having children is that couples can focus on their
careers (especially women due to traditional societal expectations). Another reason that many
people have decided to not have kids is due to the environment. Whether they worry about
the environmental impact or what environment they will raise their kids in. “Think about a
future with fewer mouths to feed and the possibility that we might restore diminishing natural
resources such as life in the sea and fresh water.”(Walker, 2012) I’m not sure if having more or
less children is the answer, I have to agree that it sounds like there will be many challenges in
the future. Will there be enough water, how will we keep feeding everyone as the population
grows, the amount of resources on the planet are finite. Even though there are many pros with
having children, there are downsides as well. The same applies for not having children as well.
Then it came to me that regardless if you want children or not, or already have them
you can still have a meaningful impact on a child’s life. Even people who don’t want children
may still want to educate and mentor a young person’s life. Some people may change their
minds later in life and decide they want to have children. While others may not have been able
to have children. Regardless there are plenty of good options.
Adoption can be a good way for people to have children if they change their minds later
in life. This is also a good option for those who cannot have kids or even families who already
have children but want to have another member of the family. Unfortunately, there are many
children in the system waiting for permanent homes. “Of the over 400,000 children in foster
care in the U.S., 114,556 cannot be returned to their families and are waiting to be
adopted.”(Lehnardt, 2017) What is great about this option is not only do the parents get to
have a child in their lives, but the children get to have a much needed home. This also
addresses the issue of adding to the growing population on the planet. For some couples,
adoption might be a better fit for their lifestyle.
Other parents can't wait until their child is old enough to walk, talk and interact with
them. This is a matter of preference. If you like kids but aren't especially fond of the
infant stage, adoption might be a worthwhile consideration for your family(Campbell,
2017).
They can skip the infant stage that can be so emotionally and time demanding. This might be a
good fit for people who are very focused on their careers. Either way there are plenty of good
homes and families out there that could adopt a child in need.
Whether or not you have children you can and probably will make an impact on another
young person’s life. Our nieces and nephews see what we do and learn from our behaviors.
Not to mention kids in our neighborhoods, our churches, the places we work. I realize more
now than ever the impact that I’ve had on the young men that have worked for me. Which
bring me to taking on a more serious role by being a mentor.
Mentoring, at its core, guarantees young people that there is someone who cares about
them, assures them they are not alone in dealing with day-to-day challenges, and makes
them feel like they matter. Research confirms that quality mentoring relationships have
powerful positive effects on young people in a variety of personal, academic, and
professional situations. Ultimately, mentoring connects a young person to personal
growth and development, and social and economic opportunity(Mentoring Impact,
2019).
As you can see by being a mentor you can have a major impact on a young person’s life.
Another great part about this is again it doesn’t matter if you have children or not. For those
who don’t, but still want to be a part of a youth’s life this is a great option. Another similar
option is to join the Boys and Girls Club of America (BGCA).
Whether you help with homework, coach a game, or teach an art project, you’ll have
the opportunity to build healthy relationships with young people eager for adult
guidance, and have a positive impact on their lives. In turn, you will find that spending
time with these young people has a positive impact on you as well.(Volunteer, 2019)
The BGCA has a very similar set of goals as does mentoring. By being a part of a young person’s
life, we get to have a positive impact on their lives as well as our own. Once again it doesn’t
matter if you have children or not you can still be a part of their program. There are many
children out there that can benefit greatly from these programs and we can be a part of that.
People who have decided to not have children are not inherently selfish. They can still
have a lot of meaningful positive experiences in a child’s life if they so choose. We should live
our lives based on what is best for us; not on what the rest of society feels is best. There are
many people who can’t have children, should they be judged because they don’t have children.
There are many great options to be childfree, and still be a part of a child’s life if that is what we
want.
 Citations Page
Campbell, N. (2017, August 14). Adoption Vs. Having Your Own Kids. Retrieved April 16, 2019, from

https://healthfully.com/87882-adoption-vs.-having-own-kids.html

Lehnardt, K. (2017, February 17). 98 Interesting Facts about Adoption. Retrieved April 14, 2019,

from https://www.factretriever.com/adoption-facts

McMurray Author for 7 years, K. (2013, January 8). Should I Have Children or Not - The Kids Vs.

No Kids Debate. Retrieved April 14, 2019, from https://wizzley.com/should-i-have-children-or-

not-the-kids-vs-no-kids-debate/

Mentoring Impact. (2019). Retrieved April 14, 2019, from https://www.mentoring.org/why-

mentoring/mentoring-impact/

Smith, N. (2011, December 15). Compare / Contrast on Having Having Versus Not Having Children.

Retrieved April 14, 2019, from http://www.articlemyriad.com/compare-contrast-having-

children/

Thomas, E., & Thomas, E. (2014, September 02). This Is How Much It Costs To Raise A Child In The

U.S. Retrieved April 14, 2019, from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cost-of-raising-a-

child_n_5688179

Volunteer. (n.d.). Retrieved April 14, 2019, from https://www.bgca.org/get-involved/volunteer

Walker, E., Ph. D. (2012, April 9). Advantages and Disadvantages of Being Childfree. Retrieved April

14, 2019, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complete-without-

kids/201204/advantages-and-disadvantages-being-childfree