INTRODUCTION

Abuse occurs when people mistreat or misuse other people, showing no concern for their

integrity or innate worth as individuals, and in a manner that degrades their well-being. Abusers

frequently are interested in controlling their victims. They use abusive behaviors to manipulate

their victims into submission or compliance with their will.

Abuse is a commonplace event in modern times, taking on many different forms, including

physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse, occurring in many different contexts, including the

home (domestic violence, spouse rape, incest), the workplace (sexual harassment), and in

institutional (elder abuse, bullying) and religious and community (hate crime) settings. It touches

victims across the lifespan from children through elders. Abuse is a serious social and cultural

problem affecting everyone whether as a victim of abuse, a perpetrator, a friend or confidant of an

abused person looking for ways to be helpful, or simply as someone who is angered by injustice

and wants to work for positive change.

If you are currently being abused, or have been abused in the past, you should know that you

do not suffer alone. Right now millions of people around the world struggle to maintain dignity,

safety and self-worth in the face of ongoing abuse. Millions more people struggle to recover from

wounds they have sustained during past abuse. You should also know that help is available for

victims of abuse, although it is not always easy to access. Community abuse resources (such as

domestic violence shelters), mental health professionals, law enforcement, and various other

organizations, websites and printed resources can provide instruction and assistance for people

who need help removing themselves from abusive situations. Victims of abuse often find

themselves dealing with serious psychological and physical consequences of having been abused.
There are various forms of counseling, psychotherapy, medical and self-help resources available

for people who have been abused and want assistance and support for managing problems and

issues they have developed as a result of being abused Such post-abuse issues are sometimes called

'abuse sequela' by health professionals. While no therapy is capable of erasing the effects of abuse,

such resources can provide real and meaningful assistance in helping to minimize the negative

effects of abuse. Helpful abuse-related resources can be found throughout this document, in the

appendix of abuse-related resources provided at the end of this document, and in the lists of other

(non-document) resources collected within this abuse topic center. Some people aren't sure if they

are being or have been abused. They may know that they have been harmed, but they may think

that they deserved that harm, for instance, or perhaps think instead that some degree of harm is

acceptable or reasonable, or just inevitable. Though it is not possible for us to give you a definite

answer to any questions you may have about what is abuse and what is not abuse, consider that

people who haven't been abused don't tend to spend much time wondering whether they have been

abused, while a many people who have been abused (or are being abused) do wonder about it.
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The commonly held definition of abuse, which we use in all of our trainings, is “a pattern of

behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another.” One thing to

note about that definition is that we are talking about a pattern of behavior, in other words, not just

one incident. These behaviors can take on a number of different forms. Many people, when they

hear the word “abuse,” think of physical violence. It’s important to note that physical force is one

means of power and control and it is far from the only one. It’s often not the first one an abuser

will use. Below are six different types of abuse we discuss in our training with new volunteers or

employees.

1. Physical

This is the type of abuse that many people think of when they hear the word ‘abuse.’ It can

include punching, hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling, or physically restraining a partner against

their will. It can also include driving recklessly or invading someone’s physical space, and in any

other way making someone feel physically unsafe.

2. Sexual

While sexual abuse can be a form of physical abuse, we put it in a category by itself because

it can include both physical and non-physical components. It can involve rape or other forced

sexual acts or withholding or using sex as a weapon. An abusive partner might also use sex as a

means to judge their partner and assign a value – in other words, criticizing or saying that someone

isn’t good enough at sex, OR that sex is the only thing they’re good for. Because sex can be so

loaded with emotional and cultural implications, there are any number of ways that the feelings
around it can be uniquely used for power and control. It wasn’t until 1993 that marital rape was

illegal in all 50 states, so some people may still assume that sex is something a partner is entitled

to, and not recognize it as a larger pattern of power and control.

3. Verbal/Emotional

As one survivor puts it, “My ex-husband used words like weapons; like shards of glass,

cutting and slowly draining my life, until I had nearly none left. I didn’t think I was abused because

he didn’t hit me- usually… I had begun to believe his awful lies- how worthless I was, how stupid,

how ugly, and how no one would ever want me.” Other survivors have pointed out that while the

signs of physical abuse might be noticeable to a friend or family member, the effects of

verbal/emotional abuse are harder to spot, and harder to prove. Emotional scars can often take

longer to heal.

4. Mental/Psychological

Mental or psychological abuse happens when one partner, through a series of actions or

words, wears away at the other’s sense of mental wellbeing and health. It often involves making

the victim doubt their own sanity. We’ve heard stories of abusers deliberately moving car keys

(and in one case, the whole car!) or a purse, dimming the lights, and flat-out denying that certain

things had taken place. The result of this, especially over a sustained period of time – and often

with the isolation that abusers also tend to use – is that the victim depends on the abuser more and

more because they don’t trust their own judgment. They also hesitate to tell anyone about the abuse

they’re experiencing, for fear they won’t be believed. Angela, a participant in one of our Support
Groups, said, “He had called me crazy so many times, I was unsure if anyone would ever believe

me about the abuse.”

5. Financial/Economic

Because abuse is about power and control, an abuser will use any means necessary to maintain

that control, and often that includes finances. Whether it is controlling all of the budgeting in the

household and not letting the survivor have access to their own bank accounts or spending money,

or opening credit cards and running up debts in the survivor’s name, or simply not letting the

survivor have a job and earn their own money, this type of abuse is often a big reason why someone

is unable to leave an abusive relationship. Many of the survivors we work with have problems with

their credit, because of an abuser’s past behavior. A bad credit history can affect your ability to

get an apartment, a job, a car loan, and any number of other things necessary for self-sufficiency.

We work with survivors to get these issues resolved, but social safety nets such as food stamps,

cash assistance, and health insurance can provide a much-needed bridge in the meantime.

6. Cultural/Identity

Cultural abuse happens when abusers use aspects of a victim’s particular cultural identity to

inflict suffering, or as a means of control. Not letting someone observe the dietary or dress customs

of their faith, using racial slurs, threatening to ‘out’ someone as LGBQ/T if their friends and family

don’t know, or isolating someone who doesn’t speak the dominant language where they live – all

of these are examples of cultural abuse.