The Christian Family: Mentor Guide

35
LIFE
Christian Family is a course comprised of five sections,

each designed to help the student understand his or her
role in the family. They are: (a) The Christian Family - Laying
the Theological Groundwork, (b) Divine Romance, (c)
Marital Intimacy, (d) Proactive Parenting, and (e) Divine
Sex, and (f) Centrality of the Local Church.
THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY
TABLE OF CONTENTS
THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY.....................4
DIVINE ROMANCE...........................14
MARITAL INTIMACY..........................26
PROACTIVE PARENTING..................33
DIVINE SEX.......................................42
THE CENTRALITY OF THE LOCAL

CHURCH...........................................56
MENTOR GUIDE
Servant Leaders RESOURCE
Copyright © 2016 Servant Leaders International
Visit our website: www.servantleaderstraining.com
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as
permitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior permission of the
Publisher or Authors of this content. Written requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to David
M. Graef at dmgraef@live.com. He can also be reached at (616) 498-1986.
Credits
Author: David Graef and Cameron Woolford
Graphic Design: Ashley Day
course: the christian family
Description:
Christian Family is a course comprised of six sections, each designed to help the student understand his or
her role in the family. They are: (a) The Christian Family - Laying the Theological Groundwork, (b) Divine Ro-
mance, (c) Marital Intimacy, (d) Proactive Parenting, (e) Divine Sex, and (f) Centrality of the Local Church.
Objectives: Upon completion of this course, the student should be able to…
• Appreciate the design and differences between the genders.
• Appreciate God’s design for heterosexual, marital sex, and be able to recognize any sexual counter-
feit.
• Describe the priority and roles of each family member.
• Understand the principle desires and duties of husbands and wives, and how to follow Christ’s example
in marriage relationships.
• Guide children in the nurture and admonition of the LORD.
• Know how to develop a proactive plan to guide children.
• Know how to respond when children get off track.
• Understand the role of the local church in his or her spiritual development.
Learning Inputs:
1. Attendance of course lectures
2. Completion of assigned reading
Outcome Activities:
1. Complete Homework Assignments
2. Complete Final Project
3 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY

THESECTION
CHRISTIAN
1 TITLE
FAMILY:
INTRODUCTION
NOTES PARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales
quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin, maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam
fermentum sagittis ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida ligula commodo id. Integer
Psalm 127
velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget, laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, com-
modo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui.
1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum,
the builders labor in vain.
efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci God must be accumsan.
consequat at the center of our home.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
• Duis id ante ac dui scelerisque faucibus vitae vel turpis.
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat— • Sed egestas erat sit Itamet velit vestibulum, a lobortis risus ultrices.
is impossible to succeed without Him.
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
3 Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth. Having a family is a gift from God.
Ut vel lorem ac quam ultrices tempus at sed mi.
5 Blessed is the man It is a blessing.
whose quiver is full of them. • Morbi in mi eget elit vestibulum faucibus.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents • Morbi quis elit egestas, maximus lacus quis, faucibus lectus.
in court.
• Aenean laoreet arcu luctus erat gravida pellentesque.
The Bow and Arrow Analogy: • Praesent eu turpis tempor, malesuada mi vel, gravida est.
The archer provides two things:
1. POWER - As parents, it is our responsibility to equip our children.

Phasellus in turpis commodo, ultrices ligula nec,.
2. DIRECTION - It is also our duty to point them in the right direction.
• Integer eget arcu consectetur, tempor quam eget, iaculis libero.
• Nulla a nibh condimentum velit tristique faucibus eget ut lorem.
• Etiam lobortis erat quis quam dapibus, non laoreet sem laoreet.
4 |THE
sECTION
CHRISTIAN
1 TITLEFAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK
GOD
PART 1:
Out of all our relationships, which is the most important?

SPOUSE
1. The First Relationship in Creation: GOD (Genesis 1:27)
- God created us to have an INTIMATE relationship with Himself.

CHILDREN
- If we do not fulfill this PURPOSE, we lose all MEANING in life.
2. The Second Relationship in Creation: SPOUSE (Genesis 2:18-25)
- God called Creation “GOOD,” but said it was not good that man was ALONE.
- God created the woman out of Adam’s own FLESH.
- Adam responded with POETRY.
- NUDITY is only appropriate within this relationship. (Intimacy)
3. The Third Relationship in Creation: CHILDREN (Genesis 4:1, 25)
- This relationship DEPENDS upon the other two.
- Children bear the IMAGE of God, just like their parents.
Are we sure that the last two aren’t switched around?
In many parts of the world, the relationship between parents and their children is considered more
important than the relationship between a husband and wife. Sometimes, I believe it is because children’s
biological parents aren’t even married. However, even if they are married, the value of the marriage has
gone down in recent years. Oprah Winfrey once said, “Your spouse is nothing more than the person you
chose to have sex with, but your children are yours forever. You share the same blood.” This declaration
exposes the belief that blood is thicker than vows, but that’s not what the Bible says. (Notice that we are
adopted into the family of God.) What does Genesis 2:23-24 teach?
FATHER MOTHER
This relationship is PERMANENT.
FATHER This relationship is TEMPORARY.
5 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

The Relationship Chain:
NOTES
Relationship with GodPARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipi-
scing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales quis nibh ut, posuere maximus
- Invest time innibh.
your relationship
Nunc sed sem withsollicitudin,
God. maximus odio at, interdum purus.
Nullam fermentum sagittis ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci
- Develop intimacy
purus,with Him.
ut gravida ligula commodo id. Integer velit risus, tincidunt at
arcu eget, laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula
- Model that relationship in front of your FAMILY.
risus eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagit-
tis, your
Relationship with vel suscipit
Spousesapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. Curabitur in
placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu
- Go on romanticodio. Morbi id
“DATES” withmi your
bibendum,
spouse.efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed
sit amet
- Develop intimacy velit
with himnon orci consequat accumsan.
or her.
- Model that relationship in front of your CHILDREN.
• Duis
Relationship with idChildren
your ante ac dui scelerisque faucibus vitae vel turpis.
• Sed egestas erat sit amet velit vestibulum, a lobortis risus ultrices.
- Get involved in your children’s lives and interests.
- Develop intimacy with them.
- Model that relationship in front of OTHER FAMILIES.
Erroneous Thought #1:
GOD
I’m not a very spiritual person, but
• Morbi in mi eget elit vestibulum faucibus.
I’m a good wife and mom.
SPOUSE
• Morbi quis elit egestas, maximus lacus quis, faucibus lectus.
Why is this thinking erroneous?
• Aenean laoreet arcu luctus erat gravida pellentesque.
CHILDREN
It’s erroneous because...
• Praesent eu turpis tempor, malesuada mi vel, gravida est.
(a) It does not take our PURPOSE into account. We were created to have an intimate relationship with
God. We don’t fulfill our own purpose.
(b) We don’t teach our CHILDREN how to have a relationship with God.
(c) It is GOD who helps us have good relationships in the family.

(d) [Let the students add their own.]
My relationship
• Integer eget arcu consectetur, tempor with
quamGod isn’tiaculis
eget, so good,
libero.
(e) but I’m a good husband and dad.
• Nulla a nibh condimentum velit tristique faucibus eget ut lorem.
(f)
• Etiam lobortis erat quis quam dapibus, non laoreet sem laoreet.
(g)
6 | THE
sECTION
CHRISTIAN
1 TITLE FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK
Erroneous Thought #2:
LEARNING OBJECTIVE 1
Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, commodo diam. Integer GOD pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel
I may not be a good wife, but I’m a
suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui. Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulpu-
tate vulputate et eu odio.
goodMorbi
mom. id mi bibendum, efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non
orci consequat accumsan. SPOUSE
•Why
Namis tempus
this thinking
tortorerroneous?
nec condimentum aliquam. CHILDREN
It’s erroneous because...

• Etiam auctor tellus at augue porttitor, non elementum ex accumsan.
(a) We aren’t good MODELS of intimacy for our children.
In faucibus
(b) We don’t velit ac our
help condimentum
kids learn toaliquet.
have an INTIMATE relationship with their future spouses.
1. Proin luctus ipsum ac est lobortis porta.
(c) It divides the AUTHORITY, causing chaos in the home.
I don’t have a good relationship with
my wife, but I’m a good dad.
2.(d) [Let the students
Maecenas tristiqueadd
dolortheir own.]tristique, non convallis diam sodales.
id diam
(e)
(f)
3. Donec dapibus sem eget leo commodo, sed faucibus felis fermentum.
(g)
4. Ut sit amet lacus id est congue facilisis ac eget ligula.

PART 2: The Value and Roles of Each Gender
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish
5.
in Aliquam id arcu
the sea and theac magna
birds in thevenenatis
sky, over euismod.
the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures
that move along the ground.” 27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he
created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and
increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and
over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Genesis 1:26-28
A. Their Value
Vivamus nibh eros, laoreet ac imperdiet ac, dignissim quis nisi.
Vivamus nibh magna, ornare vel lobortis auctor, sollicitudin eu
1. Both are made in the IMAGE and LIKENESS of God. AENEAN A ERAT VITAE DUI VULPUTATE
odio. Fusce eu erat aliquam, venenatis augue sit amet, male-
VULPUTATE ET EU ODIO. MORBI ID MI
suada2. lorem. Nulla vulputate
God BLESSED both the venenatis
man and pretium. Proin hendre-
the woman. BIBENDUM, EFFICITUR MASSA NON, DAPI-
rit placerat mi vitae ultricies. Duis elit sapien, interdum male-
BUS JUSTO. SED SIT AMET VELIT NON ORCI
suada3. Both have
viverra the same
a, porta RESPONSIBILITY
ut arcu. to rule over
Praesent sagittis nibh the animal kingdom.
lectus,
CONSEQUAT ACCUMSAN.
et ullamcorper purus pretium id. Etiam sagittis, nisi non varius
Therefore, they both have the same VALUE.
dapibus, est ligula fringilla ex, quis tempor dui sem id tellus.
7 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL

7 | sECTION
GROUNDWORK
1 TITLE
B. Their Roles
3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man,
LEARNING OBJECTIVE
and the head of Christ 1
is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3
Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel
1. CHRIST is the head of every man.
tate2.vulputate
The MAN et eu odio.
is the head Morbi
of theid mi bibendum, efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non
woman.
orci consequat accumsan.
3. GOD is the head of Christ.
Does God have more value than Christ? NO.

• Nam tempus tortor nec condimentum aliquam.
Affirmation:
The idea that value and authority are in direct proportion is a HUMAN and ERRONEOUS idea.
In the eyes of the world...

In faucibus velit ac condimentum aliquet.
2. Maecenas tristique dolor id diam tristique, non convallis diam sodales.
3. Donec dapibus sem eget leo commodo, sed faucibus felis fermentum.
BOSS $100,000
V.P. $60,000
5. Aliquam id arcu ac magna venenatis euismod.
MANAGER $40,000
EMPLOYEE $30,000
AENEAN A ERAT VITAE DUI VULPUTATE
But
odio.what does
Fusce euthe
eratBible say? venenatis augue sit amet, male-
aliquam,
suada lorem. Nulla vulputate venenatis pretium. Proin hendre-
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is BIBENDUM,
the greatestEFFICITUR MASSAof
in the kingdom NON, DAPI-
heaven?”
2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless
suada viverra a, porta ut arcu. Praesent sagittis nibh lectus,
you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdomCONSEQUAT ACCUMSAN.
of heaven. 4 Therefore,
whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:1-4
Affirmation: Leadership is just another way to SERVE!

7 | sECTION 1 TITLE
Part 3: Marital Intimacy
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands
LEARNING
as you do to OBJECTIVE 1 the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his
the Lord. 23 For
body,
Donecofsedwhich he is the
ex finibus, Savior. 24
vehicula Now
risus as the
eget, church submits
commodo to Christ,
diam. Integer so also
pretium wives
nulla should
lacinia submit
diam to their
sagittis, vel
husbands in everything.
tate vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum, efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her
orci consequat accumsan.
holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a
radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way,
husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no
• Nam tempus tortor nec condimentum aliquam.
one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30
for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ
and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must
respect her husband. Ephesians 5:21-23
In faucibus velit ac condimentum aliquet.
2. Maecenas tristique dolor id diam tristique, non convallis diam sodales.

WOMAN MAN
Principal Duty:
Principal Desire:
Submit
3. Donec dapibus sem to your
eget leo commodo, sed faucibus felis fermentum.To be respected
husband
Love GROWS
Principal Desire: Principal Duty:

5. Aliquam id arcu ac magna venenatis euismod.
To be loved Love your wife
AENEAN A ERAT VITAE DUI VULPUTATE
odio. Fusce eu erat aliquam, venenatis augue sit amet, male-
suada lorem. Nulla vulputate venenatis pretium. Proin hendre-
BIBENDUM, EFFICITUR MASSA NON, DAPI-
suada viverra a, porta ut arcu. Praesent sagittis nibh lectus,
CONSEQUAT ACCUMSAN.
9 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL

7 | sECTION
GROUNDWORK
1 TITLE
How Selfishness destroys the Relationship... [Follow the s]
WOMAN MAN
6 7 8
Principal Duty: Principal Desire:

Submit to your To be respected
husband
5 9
4 3 1
Observations:
1. In an environment of selfishness, love WANES. Selfishness is the ENEMY of love.
2. If the wife does not submit to her husband, he will LOOK FOR RESPECT SOMEWHERE ELSE. (at work, in
ministry, with another woman, etc.)
3. If the husband does not love his wife, she will LOOK FOR LOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE. (in other relationships.)
4. Usually, the marriage will end in DIVORCE.
5. Biblically, we are responsible to fulfill our duty even if our marriage partner does not complete their
duty. (Does Christ still love us when we haven’t been completely submissive?)

Our Role Model: CHRIST
WOMAN MAN
Principal Duty:
Principal Desire:
Submit to your
To be respected
husband
...as we submit to Christ.

...as Christ loved the church.
Observations:
Men:
1. Christ LOVES us even when we don’t submit to Him.
2. Christ SACRIFICED HIMSELF for our benefit.
3. Christ’s love is SELFLESS, not SELFISH.
Women:
4. It is IMPOSSIBLE to follow Christ, if we don’t follow the husband He has given us.
5. We must submit to our husbands WHOLE-HEARTEDLY, not just with our external
actions. (Don’t be a Pharisee wife!)

Suggestions & Warnings:
Men:
1. Don’t DEMAND respect. Try to win it.
2. You must love your wife, even if she does not RESPECT you.
3. Don’t SURRENDER your authority to your wife.
4. VALUE your wife’s opinions as much as your own.
Women:
1. Don’t demand LOVE. Try to win it.
2. You must submit to your husband, even when he does not DESERVE it.
3. Do not UNDERMINE your husband’s authority.
4. RESPECT your husband’s opinions.
Part 4: The Relationship between Parents & Children
Biblical Parenthood:
Usually, what is it that parents desire for their kids? Biblically
INTELLIGENT WISE
POPULAR FRIENDLY
ATHLETIC MASCULINE
ATTRACTIVE FEMININE

4 PARENTING PARADIGMS
PARADIGM GOAL ROLE
The BIRD Paradigm INDEPENDENCE PROVIDER
The BUDDHA Paradigm IGNORANCE OF EVIL PROTECTOR
The BOSS Paradigm IMPERIALISM PATROLMAN

(SOVEREIGNTY)
The BIBLE Paradigm INSTRUCTION PREPARER
Observations:
1. Every false paradigm contains a portion of TRUTH.
As parents, should we provide for our kids?
As parents, should we protect for our kids?
As parents, should we patrol our kids’ behavior?
Yes, but with the goal that our kids eventually are able to do it for themselves.
We want them to be able to protect themselves, and take charge of their own lives.
2. The words “Instruction,” and “Prepare” imply that parents should be PROACTIVE, not just REACTIVE. For
this reason, we have developed an entire workshop called Proactive Parenting.
3. When your children grow up, they will have to learn how to start their own family. That is why we have
also created the workshop for teens and parents of teens called “Romantic Relationships.”
PROACTIVE PARENTING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
Thank you for attending this workshop. Please fill out an evaluation form because at Servant Leaders, we
consistently seek to improve the content and presentation of Biblical truths!

NOTES PARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales
DIVINE ROMANCE
quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin, maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam
fermentum sagittis ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida ligula commodo id. Integer
velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget, laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus eget, com-
modo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam sagittis, vel suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui.
Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum,
efficitur massa non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci consequat accumsan.
What is the goal anyway?
A. To have a series of passionate, but short- lived tragic relationships.

• Duis id ante ac dui scelerisque faucibus vitae vel turpis.
B. To have a life-long, mutually enjoyable, mutually edifying relationship.
• Sed egestas erat sit amet velit vestibulum, a lobortis risus ultrices.
When it comes to romance, everyone says that they are looking for a love that lasts, but we have to under-
stand that our society, our human nature, and our systems of dating all lead us away from that goal.
Dave Graef
How many romantic relationships actually endure?
2 Questions to Ponder:
1. How many romances does a person have before marriage?
1.(None
Morbiofin which
mi eget elit vestibulum faucibus.
lasted.)
2. Morbi quis elit egestas, maximus lacus quis, faucibus lectus.

2. How many marriages end in divorce? (~ 50%)
3. Aenean laoreet arcu luctus erat gravida pellentesque.
4. Praesent eu turpis tempor, malesuada mi vel, gravida est.
A. Integer eget arcu consectetur, tempor quam eget, iaculis libero.
B. Nulla a nibh condimentum velit tristique faucibus eget ut lorem.
C. Etiam lobortis erat quis quam dapibus, non laoreet sem laoreet.
14||sECTION
8 THE CHRISTIAN
1 TITLE FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE
3
3 Guides for a Spiritually Healthy Romance
Biblical RULES
COURSE DESCRIPTION PARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit

amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales
quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin,
maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam fermentum sagittis
ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida
ligula commodo id. Integer velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget,
laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus
eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam
sagittis, vel suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui.
Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate
Our PARENTS vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum, efficiturBiblical WISDOM
massa
non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci consequat ac-
cumsan.
SECTION TITLE PAGE

Observations:
1. All three guides go against our HUMAN NATURES at times.
2. Biblical rules exist for our own WELL-BEING. God’s goal is not for us to avoid
fun in the world. In fact, He wants us to experience OPTIMAL joy.
3. Even if my parents did not do things well, I can learn from their MISTAKES.
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
4. There are activities that may not be PROHIBITED, but they are not WISE.
1 learning objective
15 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE ROMANCE

3
GUIDE #1: BIBLICAL RULES
Rule #1: Avoid IMMORALITY.
8 Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one
day twenty-three thousand fell; 1 Corinthians 10:8
Observations:
COURSE DESCRIPTION PARAGRAPH Lorem ipsum dolor sit
1. There is a list of sexual sins found
amet, in Leviticus adipiscing
consectetur 18. The most
elit.common among
Maecenas leo dui, sodales
them are: quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin,
maximus odio at, interdum purus. Nullam fermentum sagittis
(a) Fornication - ANY SEX OUTSIDE
ipsum OF MARRIAGE
at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida
ligula commodo id. Integer velit risus, tincidunt at arcu eget,
(b) Adultery - SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S SPOUSE,
laoreet hendrerit OR SEXsed
turpis. Donec WITHexSOMEONE OTHER THAN
finibus, vehicula risus YOUR SPOUSE.
eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam
(c) Homosexuality - SEXUAL ACTIVITY
sagittis, WITH SOMEONE
vel suscipit OF THE SAME
sapien congue. SEX/GENDER.
Duis non tincidunt dui.
Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate
2. Sex, then, is a beautiful expression
vulputate ofet MARITAL
eu odio. intimacy.
Morbi id mi bibendum, efficitur massa
non, dapibus justo. Sed sit amet velit non orci consequat ac-
3. Sexual expressions, then,cumsan.
should be reserved for relationships that are:
(a) Monogamous - SEXUALLY EXCLUSIVE
(b) Heterosexual - INVOLVING COMPLEMENTARY GENDERS
SECTION TITLE PAGE

(c) Sealed with a vow - MARRIED
4. Sex is intended to be PLEASURABLE within the context of marriage, and immorality is designed to ROB
us of the profound joy that God intended for us.
Rule #2: Avoid any “HINT” of immorality.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed,
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
because these are improper for God’s holy people. (NIV) Ephesians 5:3
Observations:
1. The idea is that if an activity will cause you to start thinking about sex (outside the context of marriage),
it is SIN. 3 learning objective
21 ‘You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife; and you shall not desire your neighbor’s house, his field, his
male servant, his female servant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.’
5 learning Deuteronomy 5:21
objective
2. We should never play with FIRE. 6 learning objective
7 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the 7does

learning objective
of the field. Do not stir up nor
awaken love until it pleases. Song of Solomon 2:7
x

3
Rule #3: Avoid sexual LUST.
27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you
that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28
Observations:
1. PORNOGRAPHY is a joy thief. It will steal

COURSE your maritalPARAGRAPH
DESCRIPTION joy and leave only temporal
Lorem physical
ipsum dolor sit satisfaction in
its place. amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Maecenas leo dui, sodales
quis nibh ut, posuere maximus nibh. Nunc sed sem sollicitudin,
2. When we see someone of the opposite
maximus odiosexat,
who is dressed
interdum to tempt
purus. us,fermentum
Nullam we should look away.
sagittis
ipsum at placerat. Phasellus pharetra orci purus, ut gravida
1 “I have made a covenant with mycommodo
ligula eyes; Why id.
then should
Integer I look
velit upon
risus, a young
tincidunt woman?
at arcu eget,Job 31:1
laoreet hendrerit turpis. Donec sed ex finibus, vehicula risus
GUIDE #2: OUR PARENTS eget, commodo diam. Integer pretium nulla lacinia diam
sagittis, vel suscipit sapien congue. Duis non tincidunt dui.
2 Principles: Curabitur in placerat erat. Aenean a erat vitae dui vulputate
vulputate et eu odio. Morbi id mi bibendum, efficitur massa
Principle #1: As long as we livenon,
under our parents’
dapibus PROVISION,
justo. Sed sit amet we
velitare
nonobligated to OBEYac-
orci consequat them.
cumsan.
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Colossians 3:20
[A Bishop must be…] 4 …one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all rever-
SECTION TITLE PAGE

ence… 1 Timothy 3:4
Principle #2: It is WISE to listen to your parents’ advice, and FOOLISH to ignore it.
8 My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; 9 For they will be a
graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9
1 A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the grief of his mother. Proverbs 10:1
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
5 A fool despises his father’s instruction, but he who receives correction is prudent. Proverbs 15:5

GUIDE #3: BIBLICAL WISDOM
3 Kinds of Attraction:
1. PHYSICAL Attraction
2. PERSONALITY Attraction
3. CHARACTER Attraction
The Chronological Order:
How long does it take you to realize if a person is physically

PHYSICAL Attraction
attractive or not? (usually < 1 second.)
How long does it take you to realize if you like a person’s

PERSONALITY Attraction personality or not? (usually 1 or two encounters.)
How long does it take you to really get to know a person’s

CHARACTER Attraction character? (Much longer.)
The Order of Importance:
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
1. Beauty is FLEETING. PHYSICAL Attraction
2. Charm is DECEPTIVE. PERSONALITY Attraction
3. Character is worthy of PRAISE. CHARACTER Attraction

A Fishing Analogy
A shallow person will fish in SHALLOW water. If there is

a nice outward appearance, he or she is interested. PHYSICAL Attraction
“If she’s pretty, I’m interested.”
A DEEPER person will fish in deeper water.

To him, PERSONALITY counts for something too. PERSONALITY Attraction
“If she’s pretty and fun, I’m interested.”
A DEEP person will fish in bottom of the lake.

To him, CHARACTER must be assessed to really interest him. CHARACTER Attraction
“If she’s pretty, fun, and spiritually mature, I’m interested.”
THE DO’S & DON’TS OF A HEALTHY ROMANCE
3 Don’ts:
Don’t #1: Don’t let PHYSICAL BEAUTY be what attracts you.
Just because someone is physically attractive, does not mean that you will have compatible personalities,
or that the person will have an attractive character. There’s nothing wrong with noticing that someone is
physically attractive, but calm your initial reactions. Don’t get too interested too quickly. Remember, this is
a shallow attraction.
Problem: One of the problems with physical attraction is a phenomenon called “PROJECTION.” That is,
when a person is physically attracted to a person, he will project desirable personality and character traits
upon that person, whether they are accurate or not. In other words, we see the person for whom we want
them to be, not for who they really are. This would explain a lot of divorces.
Don’t #2: Don’t COMMIT too early.
Seeing a person for who they really are takes time. Avoid the temptation to jump into commitment too
soon. Give yourself a chance to see the other person in multiple CONTEXTS so that you can really get to
know him or her.
Don’t #3: Don’t get PHYSICAL.
When a relationship turns physical, all OBJECTIVITY is lost. Psychologists have concluded that the error of
projection more than TRIPLES, when a prospective couple begins a physical relationship. So physical touch
will blind you from seeing the “deeper” qualities of the other person. In a healthy romance, the couple will
hold off the physical relationship as long as necessary in order to maintain an objective perception of the
other person’s character.

The Formula:
The Law of DIMINISHING Returns

+
Active Glands
+
Time Alone
Falling into Temptation
What is the Law?
When a sensation of pleasure is illegitimately gained, the joy it produces will diminish with time and
repetition. As such, one will go deeper into the activity that originally caused the sensation of joy, falsely
believing it will return him to that original sense of pleasure. Dave Graef
Example: Roller Coasters

First time vs. After several times
Example: Your First Kiss

A romantic kiss can produce a lot of joy and pleasure, even if it isn’t a true and pure expression of relational
INTIMACY. But if it isn’t, with time and repetition, it will lose its value and SIGNIFICANCE. Usually, the couple
will experiment with “deeper”expressions in order to receive the same level of pleasure. Why?
Because the Law of Diminishing returns is at play.
3 Do’s:
Do #1: Spend “QUALITY” time together.
PERSONALITY Attraction CHARACTER Attraction
Going to the movies Work project
Going out to eat Acts of service
Hanging out at the mall MIssion’s Trip
Fun events (entertainment) Spiritually-driven activities

Do #2: Involve objective parties (like PARENTS and mentors).
Even if you try to maintain your objectivity, it is very easy to miss important details as you look for your future
mate. That’s why it is important no to go it alone. Involve people who know you well, and ask them for their
honest opinions. A good starting point would be to talk openly with your parents, pastors, teachers, or any
other mentor who knows you well.
Observations:
1. A lot of parents feel AWKWARD talking about anything related to sex. Keep asking them questions until
they learn to talk openly about such things.
2. Even if your parents FAILED in this area, you can learn learn a lot from their MISTAKES.
Do #3: Be PROACTIVE.
1. Don’t WAIT until you are in a relationship to think about what you WANT in a relationship.
2. Make a list of CHARACTER TRAITS you are looking for and design activities to evaluate and investigate
each one.
3. Make personal rules and standards to protect your SEXUAL purity.
Activity: With your parents (if they are here), put the following physical activities in the natural chronological
order of progression.
small hugs the “good night” kiss

sexual intercourse Flirting / pushing / poking
the “occasional” kiss Verbal affirmations of interest
friendly physical presence foreplay
the “prolonged” kiss holding hands
extended conversations (1 on 1) “making out”

Physical Expressions
Classes of Physical Expressions:
Mere Friendly physical presence

Presence Extended conversations (1 on 1)
Verbal affirmations of interest
Pre-Kissing Flirting/Pushing/Poking
Holding hands
Small hugs
Kissing The ”Good Night” kiss
The “Occasional” kiss
The “Prolonged” kiss (2-3 seconds)
Beyond “Making out”
Foreplay
Sexual intercourse
The expression: What it communicates:
Friendly physical presence • We are friends

Extended conversations • Maybe more...
Verbal affirmations of interest • Interest (in pursuing more)
Flirting / Pushing / Poking • Attraction

Holding hands • Exclusive interest
Small hugs • Elementary intimacy
The “Good night” kiss • Desire for greater intimacy

The “Occassional” kiss • Greater intimacy
The “Prolonged” kiss • Desire for permanent exclusivity
“Making out” • Permanent exclusivity

Foreplay • Desire for sexual intimacy
Sexual intercourse • Marital intimacy

3 Laws of Physical Expressions:
Law #1: The Law of LEGITIMACY.
If a physical expression is not in direct proportion to the relational intimacy, the expression is illegitimate. It
is a lie. Dave Graef
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual
immorality sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18
Law #2: The Law of the Ascending SLOPE.
If a physical expression is Illegitimate, each step

of physical progression will be easier If a
because it is driven simply by physical
physical desires. expression is
legitimate, each step of
physical progression will be more
difficult because it requires the hard
work of developing relational intimacy.
Observations Regarding Legitimate Expressions:
1. It is WORK to take steps forward in a relationship because each step is CONTEMPLATIVE.
2. Every step forward will bring you more JOY.
3. The relationship and the joy it produces will ENDURE because they are not subject to the Law of
Diminishing Returns.
Observations Regarding Illegitimate Expressions:
1. It feels NATURAL to keep taking steps forward, because you don’t even have to think.
2. Every step forward will bring you a TEMPORARY joy that will decrease with time and repetition.
3. The relationship will END because the physical expressions are subject to the Law of Diminishing Returns.

Law #3: The Law of the SLIPPERY Slope
If a physical expression is legitimate, each step of physical progression will be more DIFFICULT to take than
the last.
If a physical expression is illegitimate, each step of physical progression will be EASIER to take than the last.
Basic idea: The angle gets steeper as you go!
Friendly physical presence

Extended conversations May take MONTHS!
Verbal affirmations of interest
Flirting / Pushing / Poking

Holding hands May take WEEKS!
Small hugs
The “Good night” kiss

The “Occassional” kiss May take DAYS!
The “Prolonged” kiss
“Making out”
Foreplay May take MINUTES!
Sexual intercourse
Observations Regarding the Slippery Slope:
1. It’s easy to FALL. In fact, it’s natural. (Which is why we must fight our natures.)
2. It’s very difficult to go BACKWARDS. You have to go uphill to go back.

What is the goal anyway?
A. To have a series of passionate, but short- lived tragic relationships.
B. To have a life-long, mutually enjoyable, mutually edifying relationship.

MARITAL INTIMACY
Introduction: The 3 Types of Intimacy
Spiritual
Intimacy
Soul Physical
Intimacy Intimacy
26 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - MARITAL INTIMACY

I. SPIRITUAL INTIMACY
Definition:
We develop our spiritual lives as individuals but share in our SUBMISSION to our God. This allows us to share
the purpose that God has for us as a couple. It is about learning to connect with your spouse through his
or her FAITH.
GOD
Commitment
to God
Husband Intimacy Wife
Conflicts
Commitment to yourself

Spiritual intimacy grows as each person grows individually in his/her devotion to God. Each one learns and
fulfills his/her duties without judging the other person on his/her progress.
If we decide to be committed to God, we will be allowing him to GUIDE and GOVERN.
Guide: Psalm 23:1; I Corinthians 6:19; II Corinthians 4:5
Govern: Psalm 25:5; Proverbs 16:9
As we are committed to God we gain wisdom and power and my attitude with my spouse is much better!
I learn characteristics like Selflessness, AGAPE Love, Service, and PATIENCE.
Activity:
Take time now to talk with your spouse about your committal to God before yourself. In what areas have
you struggled? What steps can you take to improve this?
II. SOUL INTIMACY
Definitions:
1. Soul
When we talk about the soul, there are three aspects of life that are in consideration. Anything that is
said to have a soul must have all three of the following components.
a. MIND: What we think.
b. EMOTIONS: What we feel.
c. WILL: What we desire. (We make choices based on what we desire.)
2. Intimacy
One cannot understand intimacy without first understanding three connotations found in the meaning
of the word.
a. SECRECY: What we keep hidden.
b. REVEALING: What we share. (So intimacy is about revealing what is normally hidden.)
c. EXCLUSIVITY: With whom we share it.

3. Soul Intimacy
Soul Intimacy is that bond between a spouses who reveal their deepest intimate thoughts, feelings, and
desires exclusively with each other.
THOUGHTS
FEELINGS
DESIRES
*Note: Soul Intimacy is a two-way street. It is about willingness to REVEAL your intimate thoughts, feelings,
and desires; but it is just as much about listening to and UNDERSTANDING your spouse’s intimate thoughts,
feelings, and desires.
Obstacles:
1. Thinking that it is my job to CHANGE the other person.
2. Thinking that we always have to AGREE in order to be happy.
3. Inability or lack of desire to OPEN UP with the other person.
4. Different VALUES.
Tools to overcome these obstacles:
1. Active LISTENING
2. Weekly coffee and CONVERSATION time
3. Monthly FAMILY meeting time
4. Establish shared family VALUES
Talk to your spouse now. What are the obstacles you struggle with most?
What tools do you need in your relationship?

III. PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Premise:
Intimacy in our sexual relationship comes from an understanding that the pleasure found in sex can only
truly be experienced outside the realm of SELFISHNESS and PERVERSION.
When the couple understands God’s purpose for sex, the relationship will be an expression of BIBLICAL
truths.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 13:4
The Purposes of Sex in Marriage:
1. PORTRAIT (of Christ’s love for the Church)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might
sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a
glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blem-
ish. Ephesians 5:25-27
2. PROCREATION
28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have
dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing
that moves on the earth.” Genesis 1:28
3. PASSION (Intimacy and Partnership)
2 Like a lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters. 3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the
woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet
to my taste. 4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. 5 Sustain me with
cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick. 6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand
embraces me. Song of Solomon 2:2-6
4. PLEASURE
18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. Proverbs 5:18

How to Have Sacred Sex:
1. Know the PURPOSE.
The purpose is…
(a) …to enrich the life of the couple, and…
(b) …to be an instrument of GRACE to the other person.
It’s about understanding God’s purpose for our sexual intimacy, knowing that God wants to use our sexual
relationship to teach and SHARE His grace.
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife
does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not
have authority over his own body, but the wife does. I Corinthians 7:3-4
“When two become one flesh, their bodies are at the service of the other person. The
best sex occurs when his joy comes from her, and when her joy comes from him.”
- John Piper
God did not create this enormous capacity for pleasure simply to ensure that there would be a next gen-
eration.” - John Piper
2. Keep it in the Biblical CONTEXT.
Between a MAN and a WOMAN who are bound by a VOW of marriage.
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 13:4
So sex outside the context of marriage is an act of PERVERSION!
3. Keep it HEALTHY, not PERVERSE.
Q. When is sex healthy?
A. Sex is healthy when it stays within the Biblical purposes and LIMITS.
17 This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk,
in the futility of their mind, 18 having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God,
because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; 19 who, being past feel-
ing, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. Ephesians 4:17-19

5 But I want to remind you, though you once knew this, that the Lord, having saved the people out of the
land of Egypt, afterward destroyed those who did not believe. 6 And the angels who did not keep their
proper domain, but left their own abode, He has reserved in everlasting chains under darkness for the
judgment of the great day; 7 as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to
these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an
example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. Jude 5-7
Examples of Unhealthy Sex:
• Incest
• Homosexuality
• Rape
• Adultery
• Prostitution
• Bestiality
• Harmful Sex
Is Marital Sex Dirty?
1. The Bible says that spouses SHOULD offer their bodies to each other in marriage, and SHOULD NOT not
deny each other, except for special occasions, for a short period of time. (I Corinthians 7:5).
2. God made men and women as SEXUAL creatures. He designed our body with nervous systems capable
of ENJOYING sexual pleasure on purpose.
3. Marital Sex is good, healthy and ORDERED by God.
Activity:
Take time to talk with your spouse about how healthy your sex life is. What would make it healthier? more
enjoyable? more God-honoring?

PROACTIVE PARENTING
What is a Proactive Parent?
“The key to producing a happy, well-ADJUSTED and well-educated child is a pair of well-ORGANIZED par-
ents.” - Irene Graef
The Difference between Proactive and Reactive Parents:
REACTIVE PARENTS PROACTIVE PARENTS

Key Word: REACT Key Word: PLAN
Reactive parents think their kids are Proactive parents think their kids are
GOOD by nature. SINNERS by nature.
Reactive parents are SURPRISED when Proactive Parents ASSUME their kids will
their kids misbehave. misbehave if they do not INTERVENE.
When faced with a problem, reactive Proactive parents consider GOALS for
parents will REACT, trying to solve the their kids, and construct a PLAN to
PRESENT problem. develop the character to achieve those
goals.
THE BIBLICAL MANDATE
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first
commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the
earth. 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of
the Lord.” Ephesians 6:1-4
The Reactive Part:__________________ (DISCIPLINE)
The Proactive Part:__________________ (INSTRUCTION)
DISCIPLINE INSTRUCTION
Happens when the child has done Happens BEFORE the child has the
something WRONG. opportunity to do wrong.
Implies that there will be some type of Implies that there will be
PUNISHMENT or CORRECTION. INSTRUCTIONS and EVALUATIONS.
It’s REACTIVE. It’s PROACTIVE.
33 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - PROACTIVE PARENTING

DISCIPLINE
The PUNISHMENT must fit the CRIME.
TYPE OF MISTAKE APPROPRIATE DISCIPLINE

1. The child has been IRRESPONSIBLE. Make them accept responsibility.
2. The child has been DISRESPECTFUL. Make them show respect.
3. The child has been FORGETFUL. Patiently remind them of their responsibilities
(with appropriate consequences if
necessary.)
4. The child has been DISOBEDIENT. Make them obey and give them a fair
punsihment. Reinforce that you love them.
INSTRUCTION
The 4 Steps:
Step #1: Talk individually with each child and explain which CHARACTER traits they need to develop and
WHY.
Step #2: Design a PLAN to accomplish those goals with both RULES and RESPONSIBILITIES.
Step #3: Define PUNISHMENTS and REWARDS clearly.
Step #4: FOLLOW the plan and do EVALUATIONS.
Advantages:
Advantage #1: The children will understand that they need to develop their CHARACTER.
Advantage #2: The children will understand the rules (REASONS for them and CONSEQUENCES for not
obeying them.)
Advantage #3: It takes the ANGER out of discipline.
Advantage #4: You will reach the HEART of your children and not just the EXTERNAL BEHAVIOR.

Not Permissible
THE STABLE LINE
Not Permissible
Strict
Permissive
Principle #1: The key is to have a CONSTANT/stable line between that which is permissible and that
which is not permissible.
Permissible by MOM Permissible by DAD
The line should not FLUCTUATE with the MOOD of the parents. Dad’s rules & Mom’s rules must be the
SAME!

Permissive
Principle #3: The line should not FLUCTUATE with the MOOD of the parents.
Steps for Maintaining a Stable Line:
1. First, the parents will agree on 3 things:
a. RULES
b. PUNISHMENTS
c. REWARDS
2. The parents will explain to the children 3 things:
a. What are the rules?
b. Why do they exist? (What character trait does it develop?)
c. What are the punishments and rewards?
3. The parents then enforce the rules consistently.
a. Every time the rule is broken, the child must experience the SAME punishment, without EXCEPTION.
b. Dad must enforce MOM’s rules and Mom must enforce DAD’s rules. In front of the kids, they are one
SINGULAR authority.

HOW TO MAKE FAIR RULES
5 Guidelines for making Fair Rules:
Guideline #1: Examine the PURPOSE of the rules.
Rules do not exist for the CONVENIENCE of the parents, but rather for the DEVELOPMENT
of character in our children.
Guideline #2: Eliminate all SELFISHNESS from the rules.
Guideline #3: Educate your children on the PURPOSE for each rule.
“If a child believes that a rule is selfishly motivated, the consequences he suffers when he breaks that rule
will only violate his sense of justice. This is exactly what provokes our children to anger.”
Guideline #4: Employ the PRINCIPLES in your OWN life.
“The only other thing that provokes our children to anger is when they see HYPOCRISY. That is, the parents
expect the children to develop a character trait that the parents themselves have not developed.”
Guideline #5: Execute the rules with just REWARDS and punishments.
THE 5 STAGES OF CHRISTIAN MATURITY

Spiritual Growth
Time
STAGE #1: CHILD - “DEPEND”
STAGE #2: ADOLESCENT - “DEVELOP”
STAGE #3: ADULT - “DEVOTE”
STAGE #4: MENTOR - “DISCIPLE”
STAGE #5: PATRIARCH - “DIGNIFY”

CHARACTER CHILD ADOLESCENT ADULT MENTOR PATRIARCH
(Depend) (Develop) (Devote) (Disciple) (Dignify)
1 - Salvation 1 - Personal devos 1 - Strong personal 1 - Disciples others 1 - Spiritual problem-

2 - Conscience and prayer life convictions 2 - Connects disciples solver
1. Faith and 3 - Sp. Interest 2 - Avoidance of 2 - Family devos to sources of input 2 - Connects
Spiritual Growth vices 3 - Ministry in church generations
3 - Develops abilities 3 - Public influence
to minister
1 - Disciples others 1 - Disciples others 1 - Disciples others 1 - Disciples others 1 - Disciples others
2 - Connects disciples 2 - Connects disciples 2 - Connects disciples 2 - Connects disciples 2 - Connects disciples
2. Love and to sources of input to sources of input to sources of input to sources of input to sources of input
Kindness
1 - Obeys verbal 1 - Respects teachers 1 - Weighs heavily the 1 - Works within 1 - Models respect
commands and pastors opinion of parents higher frameworks 2 - Teaches other to
3. Obedience 2 - Obeys past com- 2 - Learns event and pastors (church, gov, etc) do same
and Respect for mands from unlikeable 2 - Submissive at work 2 - Does not com-
3 - Obeys unspoken authorities 3 - Law-abiding pete with other
Authority commands authorities
1 - Shares 1 - Does not boast in 1 - Puts needs of wife 1 - Puts needs of 1 - Models respect
2 - Takes turns well new abilities first disciples in high 2 - Teaches other to
4. Humility and 3 - Does not always 2 - Lifts up others 2 - Puts needs of priority do same
Selflessness seek the biggest verbally children over his 2 - Looks for answers
or best 3 - Accepts criticism own from wise sources
4 - Gives glory to 3 - Is teachable, 3 - Confronts in love,
God in all seeks spiritual not pride
input
1 - Waits without 1 - Does not surren- 1 - Shows patience 1 - Constant regard- 1 - Models patience
complaining der when things in marriage, with less of circum- 2 - Does not com-
5. Patience and 2 - Does not give up get tough kids, church mem- stances plain about
Endurance on hard HW 2 - Tolerate of other bers, etc. 2 - Patient with negative circum-
assignments personalities disciple, does stances
3 - Relates well with not demand a
younger kids speedy growth
pattern
1 - Does not “melt 1 - Balances self- 1 - Faithful to spouse 1 - A source of stabil- 1 - Models stability
down” when image with eyes, heart ity for others 2 - Teaches younger
6. Self-Control things don’t go 2 - Does not “fall in and body. 2 - Has a calming generation how
and Emotional like they want love” based on 2 - Maintenance affect on others to be firm
2 - Can enjoy and the superficial purity. when they are go-
Control appreciate imper- 3 - Emotionally stable 3 - Happiness not ing through trials
fection 4 - Avoides vices based on circum- 3 - Doesn’t jump to
stances a side

CHARACTER CHILD ADOLESCENT ADULT MENTOR PATRIARCH
(Depend) (Develop) (Devote) (Disciple) (Dignify)
1 - Does talks when 1 - Handles HW 1 - Provides for the 1 - Faithful in church 1 - Models responsi-
told without direct ac- family (according ministry bility
2 - Follows routine for countability to gender role) 2 - Self-motivated 2 - Teaches genera-
7. Responsibility chores and tasks 2 - Takes his responsi- 2 - Gives to needy 3 - Strives for excel- tionally
bilities seriously and tithes lence
3 - Takes pride in his 3 - Always reliable
work
1 - Connects family 1 - Can clearly see 1 - Prioritizes well 1 - Can see root of 1 - Can defend his
devos to real life relationship of (God, spouse, source of prob- beliefs well
8. Wisdom and
2 - Follows a Biblical- cause and effect family, church, lems 2 - Does so with
Spiritual ly-driven con- (spiritually) work, recreation, 2 - Can apply Biblical gentleness and
Discernment science 2 - Sees folly of world- etc) principles for each respect
liness occasion 3 - Recognizes and
3 - Not “captured” creates opportu-
by trivial things nities to influence
1 - Models obedi- 1 - Handles peer 1 - Is an energy giver 1 - Confronts in love, 1 - Expands his influ-
ence in front of pressure well to groups (family, when he sees sin ence
9. Leadership other kids 2 - Stands firm, even church, etc) 2 - He asks probing 2 - His character de-
2 - Not a distraction when alone. If not 2 - Speaks up when questions that mands respect
to the learning easily swayed. Biblical principles get to heart of a 3 - He has earned the
process of others 3 - Gives positive are being violated matter ear of many, and
peer pressure 3 - Plans proactively 3 - Evaluates plans passes his wisdom
4 - Chooses friends and strategies, to the next gen-
wisely changes them eration
when necessary

4 PARENTING PARADIGMS
PARADIGM GOAL ROLE
The BIRD Paradigm INDEPENDENCE PROVIDE
The BUDDHA Paradigm IGNORANCE OF EVIL PROTECT
The BOSS Paradigm INCREASE OF PERSONAL GAIN PRESIDE/PATROL
The BIBLE Paradigm INSTRUCTION PREPARE

THE BIBLICAL PARADIGM
Usually, what do parents wish for their children? Biblically
SMART WISE
POPULAR FRIENDLY
ATHLETIC (if boy) MASCULINE
ATTRACTIVE (if girl) FEMININE

DIVINE SEX
UNDERSTANDING GOD’S DESIGN FOR SEXUAL INTIMACY
INTRODUCTION: BEAUTY & UGLINESS
Introductory Statements:
1. Sex is a beautiful thing.
It is powerful. It is pleasurable. It is a gift from God.
2. Sex can also be ugly.
It can be twisted and perverted, distorted and ugly. It can cause leave a person feeling empty inside asking
himself or herself, “Is that it? Is this all there is?”
3. Sex is under-appreciated.
a. By Mainstream Religions
“It is not only non-religious people who tend to miss the point when it comes to sex. When we think of
mainstream religions that devalue sex, the first one that comes to mind may be Islam. Islam is a growing
influence in the world today and clearly teaches that the value of a woman is exactly half of the value
of a man. How can you value sex, when you devalue one of the sexual genders altogether? That de-
stroys the value of sex. A big part of sex is the appreciation and recognition of the value of the counter-
participant. If you devalue the woman, turning her into a mere object for the man’s physical pleasure,
then you will miss the point. Sex loses its value and significance.” - Dave Graef
b. By Christianity (at times)
“How has the church devalued sex? The church has often devalued sex by treating it as something dirty.
This is an overly generalized statement, but bears resemblance to reality. According to the Bible, sex is
beautiful. Even sexual attraction is beautiful. Many Christians blush to admit that they enjoy it.” - Dave
Graef
Consider the words of Solomon in Song of Solomon 1: 2-6. Compare how the
man responds in chapter 4, verses 4 through 7.
42 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE SEX

c. Especially by Secularists!
Secularists, those who leave God out of every equation, can never understand the value of sex. Without
knowing the Giver, the gift is sure to be unappreciated. In the secular world, sex has become a free-for-
all. It is completely selfish, distorted, and even abusive. The result is a diminishing appreciation for one of
God’s great gifts to the human race.
Q. So what is God’s design for sex?
According to God’s design, sex is a vital part of creating a stable home. Here’s how it works:
1. God designed the genders to be unique and complementary.
2. The differences are, by nature, attractive. {click}
3. As the intimacy grows, they form a commitment. {click}
4. This commitment causes each party to reject other prospects as they come along. {click}
5. Then, after that commitment has been sealed with a vow, they celebrate this level of intimacy through
sexual intercourse. {click}
6. The result of a healthy sexual relationship is procreation - Children! {click}
7. The results of following God’s design are…
a. Committed Parents {click}
b. Stable Home {click}
c. Role Models (for the kids to follow) {click}
Purpose for this course:
To help you appreciate and enjoy God’s gift of sex and to recognize any counterfeit version of sex that will
ultimately destroy its value.

MODERN MORALITY & OUR RESPONSE
The Reality:
In the past, we were the standard of morality, but now we are the ones being accused.
The New Morality:
“No one has a right to judge another person’s actions as right or wrong.”
This is based on the modern presupposition that there are no absolutes. So, in the past, when an adulterer
would look at a Christian and think, “I feel guilty for not living up to that standard.”, he will now think himself
morally superior to the Christian because he, at least, does not judge adulterers.
The Church’s Traditional Response:
World: “There are no absolutes.”
Church: “That’s not logical! That’s an absolute statement!”
[Church walks away proud of winning the argument. The world continues…]
World: “Fine. Then the only absolute is that there are no absolutes.”
[World walks away proud of winning the argument.]
The New Morality Applied to Morals: Since the only absolute is that there are no absolutes, the only moral
absolute is that it is wrong to judge others for their morals.
What Our Response Should Be:
It’s time to reengage, but this time, let’s win people, not arguments.
MORALITY & NATURE
Let’s talk about sex in terms of its morality and its naturalness. It is good to define these terms to ensure that
we are using the words in the same manner and so that we can clearly explain our beliefs to anyone who
asks.
I. Morality
By morality, I mean that an action is morally right, by whatever standard we are talking about. Our stan-
dards may differ from the standards that exist in our culture, but at least it gives us a framework for conver-
sation, using the same terms.

For the Christian, the moral standard is based on Scripture. In the eyes of the secular world, that standard
is imaginary, so it carries no weight at all to them. That is why a Christian will say that it is immoral for a man
to have sexual relations with a woman prior to marriage and the average post-modern adult would argue
the opposite. It is immoral to us because it violates a biblical standard. They have no such a standard, so it
is not a violation.
There will be overlap, however. We will agree with that same person, for instance, that rape is wrong. Why?
Because rape indeed violates both their standard and ours. Ours because it does not fulfill the Biblical pur-
pose of sex and is causing harm to another person; and theirs because one person is forcing their sexuality
upon another. So there is an overlap in our morals, but not because they agree with the same moral foun-
dation.
II. Naturalness
By using the word natural, I am referring to the very way in which the human body is designed. We may
disagree with the secularist as to the source of the design, but the design is apparent nonetheless. To us, the
male and female bodies fit together sexually because that was a part of God’s divine design for marriage.
Sex is an expression of intimacy. To the secularist however, the evolutionary process has been eliminating
over millions of years any traits that do not promote the health and survival of the species. But even there,
two men, or two women for that matter, are sexually incapable of doing their part in the preservation of the
species. It’s not natural in this sense of the word.
III. The 4 Categories of Sexual Behavior
Let’s create a diagram that includes all four categories created by these two ideas.
Natural Unnatural
Moral A
Moral & Natural Sex
D
Moral, but unnatural Sex
Immoral B
Immoral, but Natural Sex
C
Immoral & Unnatural Sex

A. Moral & Natural Sex
Marital Sex: Sex as a physical expression of relational intimacy, which is confirmed by the exclusive bond
of a marital vow.
B. Immoral, but Natural Sex
Remember, natural sex is sex according to its design. That is, it works biologically and promotes a healthy
propagation of the species. It is also natural in the sense that it is attractive by nature. The pleasure in-
cites us toward it. So in this category, we are talking about sex that is natural.
Now, we have already determined that natural sex can be morally good. It can be a selfless expression
of intimacy, but how do we know when our natures have steered us wrong… morally wrong? We know
that our natures have steered us wrong when sex becomes selfish. That is, sex becomes merely our way
of receiving physical pleasure instead of our expression of relational intimacy. Sex becomes empty of
its true value. It is precisely this type of sexual activity that we find in Category B. There are two types:
1. Fornication - (Mt 15:18-19, Col 3:5-7, Eph 5:5)
Definition: Sex outside of marriage.
Some might argue that there is still intimacy when two unmarried people have sex. While that may
be true, it is only true to an extent. You see, sex is the ultimate expression of physical intimacy. There
is nowhere to go beyond that, at least not in category B. But an uncommitted romantic relationship
is not the ultimate level of relational intimacy. When two non-committed people have sex, there is
a disconnect between the expression (sexual intimacy) and the real deal (relational intimacy.) The
pair have jumped ahead of themselves in the expression, so that the expression will lose its mean-
ing. Sex becomes a dishonest expression of intimacy because it no longer expresses a committed
level of intimacy.
2. Adultery - (Ex. 20:14, Prov 5:3-6, 6:25-26, 2 Pet 2:12-14)
Definition: Sex with someone else’s spouse, or sex with someone other than your spouse.
The Bible teaches that adultery is natural, but immoral. Adultery is natural in the sense that a person’s
sexual attraction does not cease simply because there has been a declaration of exclusivity. The
same physical attraction that drew me to my wife could also draw me away from her. That is natu-
ral… but it would be immoral. Why? Because once again, it is selfish. It is dishonest.
C. Immoral and Unnatural Sex
By saying that certain sexual activity is unnatural, I am simply saying that it goes against the natural
design of things. This is self-apparent whether you believe in God or in secular evolution. There is a scien-
tifically observable, natural design for sex, and some sexual behavior is outside of that. Sex is physically
designed for both pleasure and the procreation of the species. Even as an atheist or secularist, one
must admit that physically, sex was designed, at least in part, for human pleasure and for the human
species to populate.

Sex that is in Category A (marital sex) is natural. It can lead to the procreation of the species. That is,
babies are made that way! Category B sex (fornication and adultery) are also natural. They too can
produce children. Category C is different. There is such a thing as sexual activity that goes against the
natural design of procreation. Among them are as follows:
1. Homosexuality
Definition: Sex with someone of the same gender. (Leviticus 18:22, 30)
Even a secularist must admit that unnatural sex, such as homosexuality, can never lead to or assist in
the propagation of the human species. As a Christian, it also does not lead to the fulfillment of the
Great Commission of the Old Testament to “Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth.” In both cases, any
sexual attraction that categorically could never lead to procreation is unnatural, and thus immoral.
Other examples would include:
2. Pedophilia
Definition: Sex between an adult and a child.
3. Bestiality
Definition: Sex with another species.
4. Orgies, Rape, etc.
*Any sexual activity, that goes against the natural design, are unnatural and immoral. (This does not
mean they are equally immoral.)
D. Moral, but Unnatural Sex
For the Bible-believer, this category does not exist. If it goes against the natural design of things, since
God is the Designer, it goes against God.
For the secularist, the argument could be made that it is still immoral. If the evolutionary process is in-
tended to improve the welfare of the species, then any activity outside the realm of nature could be
considered immoral as well.

Conclusion: A more complete understanding of the categories of sexual activities should now look some-
thing like this:
Natural Unnatural
Moral A
Moral & Natural Sex
D
Moral, but unnatural Sex
“Marital Sex” “Non-Existent”
Immoral B
Immoral, but Natural Sex
C
Immoral & Unnatural Sex
“Fornication” “Homosexuality”
“Adultery” “Pedophilia”
“Bestiality”
“Etc.”
An Important Caveat:
Q. Is inter-racial sex unnatural? NO.
Q. Is it immoral? NO! (OT commands were based on belief, not bloodline.)
NATURE VS. NURTURE
Is Gay the New Black?
Many believe that some Category C sexual activity, such as homosexuality, is natural, even though it could
never lead to the procreation of the species. The “Gay Gene” theory propagates the idea that homosexuality
is genetic, just as is race. This is important because if it were true, then God would be unjust for condemning
homosexuality as sinful. It would be no different than God condemning black people for being black. At least,
that is the argument. There are several problems with the Gay Gene Theory however.
Problems with the “Gay Gene” Theory:
1. Sexual orientation is not genetically detectable.
2. Sexual orientation can change.
Examples:
a. The LUG Movement
b. Frequency of Orientation Switches in Prisons

3. If sexual orientation were genetic, it would have been bred out of existence a long time ago.
What about all the cited evidence that “proves” homosexuality is genetic?
There have been extensive studies which have tried to prove the “gay gene” theory, but all of them have
failed. They haven’t all claimed to have failed, but they have failed just the same. Even in the most conclu-
sive studies advocating the gay gene theory, they concluded that hormones, birth order and environment
play roles too. (See The Washington Post, How Our Genes Could Make Us Gay Or Straight.) Even there, they
admit that similar studies give “contradictory results.” How can they draw conclusions when the results con-
tradict the thesis? The answer is, you can’t…not scientifically, anyway. How can their studies support the gay
gene theory and refute it at the same time? The answer to that is in how we define our terms.
Familial Correspondence verses Genetic Relationship
Every test that has allegedly supported the gay gene theory has purposely infused the definitions of two
words: familial and genetic. If you assume these two words have the same meaning, you can devise an
experiment that will show a statistical correlation amongst family members. That is, if you are biologically
related to a homosexual parent, then you will have an increased possibility of being homosexual. Tests have
shown this to be true. Repeatable tests.
So it is true that in studies, children of homosexuals (though created through heterosexual acts), are more
likely to become homosexuals. But the question is: Is that because of the genetic relationship? or is it a fa-
milial correspondence?
Why is this question important? Because the same studies they purport to support the gay gene theory sup-
port the biblical theory as well. Actually, they support the biblical theory better than their own. Bible-believ-
ers believe that sexual orientation has more to do with nurture than nature. Of course living with gay parents
will increase the likelihood that the children will be gay! That doesn’t prove a genetic connection! It’s merely
a familial correspondence. Nothing more. These tests can’t prove their theory because they haven’t ruled
out the external factors (like nurture.)
But isn’t there a way to rule out external factors?
The answer to that is yes. All the scientist has to do is study cases where the genetic connection exists, but
the familial influences do not. In other words... adoption. Some scientists did exactly that. They studied cases
of people who were biological children of homosexuals, but were raised in non-homosexual environments.
Can you guess what they found? They consistently found that there was no genetic correlation between
them. That is, a child of a homosexual is just as likely to be heterosexual as anyone else if he or she is raised
by heterosexual parents. There is a 0% correlation between the gene and the sexual orientation. 0%! That’s
what they mean by “contradictory results.”
Even more extensive tests were done among twins. Even with twins, who should be genetically equal, it
was found that environment alone can lead to one homosexual twin and one heterosexual twin. How can
that be when twins are genetically identical? It can’t be. It’s that simple. The “gay gene” theory must be
discarded. So when you read “conclusive” evidence supporting the gay gene theory, and somewhere in
the findings they say “Some studies yielded contradictory results.” then investigate further. Why did they
yield contradictory results? Because they were tested without consideration of any other factors, only the
genetic correlations. Those same studies will refute the gay gene theory every time.

CAUSES OF HOMOSEXUALITY
If homosexuality is not natural, what causes it?
The answer to that question is complicated, but should be asked and answered nonetheless. Here are five fac-
tors that have contributed to this explosion of same-sex attraction that we see around the world today. There
may be more factors, but the correlation between these factors and the persons who experience same-sex
attraction is so strong, that it would be hard to ignore the causal relationship between them.
1. Erroneous Understanding of Masculinity and Femininity
Our cultural definitions of masculinity and femininity are in a constant state of flux. What does it mean to be a
man? Well... it depends on whom you ask. To some, it means that you spend most of your leisure time watch-
ing or playing sports. Men are tough. And of course they never cry because that would be a sign of weakness.
Men take charge and they don’t waste their time talking about feelings or passions or other such nonsense.
When kids are subjected to this false standard of manhood, one can easily see why many young boys might
be turned off to the whole idea of masculinity. The male role models we place in front of our children indeed
shape their understanding of manhood.
In response to this, some have redefined masculinity by taking it to the other extreme. They think that manhood
is simply boyhood, but with a few more years under your belt. The idea is that men do not need to mature. In
fact, they can’t. They are slaves to their whims and can never be expected to take real responsibility seriously.
It is this kind of thinking that has led a generation of young men to justify their addiction to video games and
comic books right into their thirties.
Consider the Hit AMC show, Comic Book Men. On this show, the idea of manhood is reduced to an immature,
self-gratifying slavery to childish imagination. Why is this even popular? It’s popular because many have taken
the ride along with the pendulum. They reject the public notion of the thick-skinned, emotionally constipated
masculinity, and they have run as far from that as possible.
The cultural definition of femininity is also in flux. The first law of female portrayal in entertainment is: For every
Rambo, there is an equal and opposite Lara Croft. What I mean by that is that women are consistently por-
trayed as having more value when they take on the roles that have traditionally belonged to men. It is as
though womanhood, instead of flourishing into the beautiful thing that it is, has been reduced to a mere imita-
tion of manhood.
2. Parental Role Confusion
Biblical Roles of a Father Biblical Roles of a Mother

Pastor Nurture Body
Provider Nurture Soul
Protector Nurture Spirit

3. Premature Exposure
Children are not sexual creatures. Their gender indeed impacts their identity, but when they are exposed to
sexual things prematurely, sex becomes ugly. If early exposure to even natural sex is ugly, then the child may
develop an aversion to natural sex. Two forms of premature exposure to avoid are:
a. Improper Exposure to Mom & Dad’s Sex Life.
b. Pornography / Graphic Nudity
Exposure to Mom & Dad’s Sex Life
There is good and bad exposure to Mom and Dad’s sex life. Good exposure will be (a) general, as opposed
to specific, and (b) age-appropriate.
Kids should have a general exposure to sexual attraction. They should know that Mom and Dad love each
other. I’m not talking about “love” in the same sense that we love our neighbor... or love our enemies. They
need to see that too, but I’m talking about love in the natural, heart-felt, romantic sense of the word. They
do not need to see the details, but they should see regular displays of affection. That is a healthy thing!
When they see Mom and Dad holding hands, or snuggling up to watch a movie together. They see what a
healthy sexual relationship is supposed to be like.
Kids develop their concepts of what a healthy sex life is like by observing the interaction between their
parents. The most obvious bad exposure to Mom and Dad’s sex life is when they recognize that there is no
passionate sex life. If the parents’ sex life is non-existent, then their image of marital sex will be a loveless,
sexless prison...a ball and chain. It’s no wonder why so many teens and young single adults look for sexual
satisfaction outside the realm of healthy, marital sex!
Pornography
When children, or adults for that matter, allow themselves to “peek in” on someone else’s sexual intimacy,
the whole idea of intimacy is destroyed.
Intimacy carries two connotations: (a) Secrecy, and (b) Exclusivity. To be intimate means then, that you
share what you keep hidden from others, exclusively with the person with whom you are intimate. Pornog-
raphy destroys that! So even natural sex becomes ugly, so many have turned toward unnatural sex.
4. Rape and/or Abuse
As beautiful as marital sex is, sex can become something dreadfully ugly when it is forced upon someone.
That’s what rape is - nonconsensual sexual activity. One person forces the physical relationship upon the other
while that person’s right to refuse is taken away. That is a complete perversion of God’s design.
Marital sex is about winning the other person’s relational trust. Rape bypasses that process altogether, then
selfishly and violently seeks physical self-gratification. That is the exact opposite end of the spectrum from the
Christian view of sex, where one selflessly seeks to please his or her spouse. So rape is ugly because it com-
pletely distorts one of God’s greatest gifts. Many, not all, who have been raped or sexually abused have lost
their interest in the opposite sex… in some cases before they ever began to feel natural sexual desires.5

5. The Law of Diminishing Returns
There is another factor that often plays a role in someone’s gender identity disorder. THE LAW OF
This one is found directly in Scripture. DIMINISHING RETURNS
When a sensation of joy
Romans 1:18-32 describes the path to total degradation. In Romans 1, we see an is illegitimately gained,
unbreakable law of human nature. This law, called, The Law of Diminishing Returns, the level of joy will
simply states that when a sensation of joy is illegitimately gained, the level of joy will decrease with time and
decrease with time and repetition. That is, what may have been fun the first time, repetition.
will be a little less fun the next time. Over time, it may even bore you. So what will
you do? You will experiment with something bigger or better... or at least different.
For many, sexual pleasure is valued simply for it’s physical and temporal enjoyment. It is not an expression of
intimacy at all. It is an act of self-indulgence. When sex is experienced for the first time, even if it is not an ex-
pression of intimacy, there may be a high level of pleasure. That pleasure though, over time and with repetition
will slowly diminish. This often leads one to experiment with unnatural sexual activities.
CAN YOU COME OUT OF IT?
What Churches are Saying
There are three main camps as to how churches are responding to the issue of sexual perversions.
Camp #1: “You are exactly who God made you to be.”
Many churches, whole denominations even, have fully embraced the homosexual lifestyle. They encourage
the congregant with same-sex attraction to explore and appreciate their God-given desires. They either ig-
nore or re-interpret the Scriptural references of homosexuality so as not to offend the gay congregant. There is
even a recent translation (revision, really) of the Bible that twists or eliminates all references to homosexuality in
the Bible altogether. It’s called the Queen James Bible.
The Problem with Camp #1:
They have left the foundation of Scripture, which clearly condemns homosexuality, and have built their
beliefs upon the foundation of man’s opinion.
See Genesis 19:3-11, Judges 19:22-25, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Deuteronomy 23:18, Romans 1:26-27,
1 Corinthians 6:9-10, and 1 Timothy 1:8-10.
Camp #2: “Just don’t do it.”
Many churches try to integrate what they believe from Scripture with what they feel they know because they
have fallen for some of the lies propagated by the scientific community. They believe that homosexuality is a
sin because the Bible says it is, however, they also believe that a person is born with a genetically determined
sexual orientation. Some with heterosexual tendencies, others with homosexual tendencies.
Whereas the first camp consists of churches who have completely abandoned the foundation of God’s Word
altogether and cling to human opinion, the second camp maintains some level of Scriptural authority.

Because they agree with Scripture and hold that homosexual practices are sinful, they tell the congregant
who struggles with same-sex attraction to simply ignore their sexual urges and avoid sex altogether. “Just don’t
do it!” they say. In this manner, the congregant can maintain his or her sexual purity by adhering to the com-
mands of Scripture, while learning to accept himself or herself as a homosexual.
Being that these churches are halfway on the foundation and halfway off, it should not come as a surprise to
us when we find that some of their applications are right and beneficial while others are not.
Where they are right:
1. They prohibit homosexual behavior.
2. They distinguish between homosexual tendency and homosexual practice.
3. They put obedience above desire.
Where they go wrong:
1. They assume that God made people gay.
2. They ignore the real causes of homosexuality.
3. They assume that people cannot change their sexual orientation.
4. They do not offer hope.
Camp #3: “God can change you.”
The third camp maintains the Bible as its ultimate source of faith and practice.
They will agree with camp #2 that…
(a) homosexuality is sin,
(b) that same-sex attraction is not sin in and of itself, and
(c) that we are called to obedience regardless of our desires.
I Corinthians 6:9-11 states:
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither
fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor
drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
Such were some of you (Emphasis mine); but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified
in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.
53| THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - DIVINE SEX

The difference between Camp # 3 and Camp #2 is that Camp #3 churches wholeheartedly accept God’s
Word as truth. They don’t blame God for making people gay; they recognize the root causes of homosexuality;
they understand that God can change people’s sexual orientation over time as they daily renew their mind
with the truth of God’s Word. It is only this group that offers hope to the person who struggles with same-sex
attraction but also wants to know the Creator intimately.
SEX AS IT SHOULD BE
We have defined divine sex as a physical expression of relational intimacy between a man and a woman
within the context of marriage.
Let’s dissect that definition and see what other descriptive adjectives we could use to describe it.
1. A Physical Expression
Divine sex is a physical expression. As such, it is both sensual and pleasurable. God gave us sex as a gift to be
enjoyed. He loves it when we enjoy our sexual relationships in the proper context. We must learn to throw off
any guilt that comes from an unbiblical theology that turns pleasure into something dirty.
2. Of Relational Intimacy
Divine sex is a physical expression of relational intimacy. The type of relationship we are talking about is a love
relationship. The very essence of love is selflessness. So divine sex is selfless. It seeks to please the other person.
Even in your marriage, make sure sex does not become about you and you only. Make it an exercise in selfless-
ness.
Divine sex expresses love, so it must also be patient. I Corinthians 13:4 says that love is patient. It is to be antici-
pated. Don’t rush it. If you rush the physical relationship, you will be expressing infatuation, not love. Infatuation
is temporary, but love never fails.
Divine sex is also intimate. The word intimate carries two connotations: (a) hidden, and (b) exclusive. Divine sex
then will be monogamous. It will be expressed exclusively with the one person with whom you have vowed to
share your life.
This also implies that there is a parallel relationship between the relational intimacy and the sexual expression
of that intimacy. If the husband and wife still pursue each other, and they seek to get to know each other in
deeper way s outside the sexual context, then the sexual expression has a deeper meaning.
3. Between a Man and a Woman
Divine sex is heterosexual. That fits God’s design. This means more than just “not homosexual.” It means that a
man is free to a man, and a woman is free to be a woman, by God’s definitions. Divine sex is an expression of
masculinity and femininity that are not bound to the definitions placed upon them by culture. The best sex is
when a true man... a man who pastors his family, provides for his family and protects his own, loves his woman...
a woman who nurtures her marriage and her children, and adds feminine beauty to the relationship. Divine sex
is the expression of that union.

4. Within the Context of Marriage
Divine sex is a physical expression of relational intimacy between a man and a woman within the context of
marriage. Without the commitment, there is no real intimacy. Divine sex is exclusive. It is reserved for those who
have made a vow of exclusivity. It puts the other person as your highest priority under God.
Divine sex then, is permanent. I Corinthians 13 describes love, and in verse 7 says that love “...endures all
things.” In verse 8, it states that love “...never fails.” If you define marriage as a temporary state of a relationship,
you will never know the pleasure of divine sex. Marriage is permanent. Sometimes there will be conflict. There
will be temptations to give up on it. This is true in almost every marriage, but if you stick with it, you will see how
God can use your marriage partner to help you mature. As you mature, so will your ability to love.
Conclusion:
Divine sex is just that... it is divine. It is a gift from God. If we are to avoid the path of depravation that we read
about in Romans 1, them we must glorify God in sex, and give him thanks! Our appreciation of sex should al-
ways drive us closer to the Author of it!

THE CENTRALITY
OF THE LOCAL CHURCH
INTRODUCTION:
“The Church is the world’s hope! As Christ is the hope of the Church, so the Church is the hope of the world!”
- Charles Spurgeon
There are 4 ways in which the Church must be central:
1. It is central to the MESSAGE that redeems the lost.
2. It is central to the MATURATION of believers.
3. It is central to the MOBILIZATION of believers .
4. It is central to the MULTIPLICATION of churches.
The church must be at the center of each stage of the process. Any attempts to bypass the church in the
process will bypass the only tool that Christ Himself said would DEFEAT the gates of Hell (Matthew 16:18).
“God’s mission of redemption has a church, the church was made for the mission of God.”
- Christopher Wright -
1. CENTRAL TO THE MESSAGE THAT REDEEMS THE LOST
The Church is to be the GOSPEL - a living testimony - in front of a dead and lost world. It reveals the truth of
new life in Christ.
The Church demonstrates the truth of the gospel in 2 ways:
1. Through demonstrating the POWER of the gospel.
2. Through demonstrating the basic ELEMENTS of the gospel.
I. The Power Of The Gospel
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all
one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28
56 | THE CENTRALITY OF THE LOCAL CHURCH

A. The Power to REDEEM the Lost.
We all share the same original state when we come into this world. We are sinful. We are slaves to a sinful
nature that separates us from our creator. By God’s grace we are given the opportunity to move from
being a slave to sin (one who is spiritually dead), to one who is REDEEMED.
The term redeem comes from the idea of a slave who has been purchased and then set free. In Biblical
terms it refers to the act of Christ going to the cross to purchase each one of us from our slavery to sin.
Each one of us has been born with a sinful nature, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”
(Romans 3:23). Because of this sin we are lost, condemned to an eternal separation from our creator.
God in His infinite love created a way out of our slavery to sin and our eternal separation, through His
son Jesus Christ.
The Apostle Paul states clearly the idea of redemption in Christ in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?
You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
The local church sits upon this message as men and women who have been given new life. They form
a bond, a community of the redeemed.
B. The Power to Create a New FAMILY.
Once we are saved from our sin, we are placed into the family of God. The Bible uses the term baptized
to show that we are placed into this family by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Paul states it clearly in 1 Corinthians 12:13:
“For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were
made to drink of one Spirit.”
Once we are born again, we are placed into the family of God. We then need to identify with other
family members who live in my community. This local body, or family of believers is called the local
church.
C. The Power to UNITE a People.
One of the amazing things about the work of Christ on the cross is that the power to redeem crosses all
RACIAL, CULTURAL and any other social economical barriers that exist in this world.
The new believer now finds himself connected to people with whom he never before would have as-
sociated. The power to be united in the gospel creates a diverse church, one that demonstrates God’s
ability to erase what divides us and create a community that reflects diversity bound together under
one salvation, one purpose, and one hope. A great source of power in the local church is found in its
diversity. “There is neither Jew nor Greek.”

II. The Elements of the Gospel.
“Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” Philippians 2:12:
The term “elements of the gospel” refers to (a) that which God has done in order to PROVIDE salvation, and
(b) how one must respond in order to RECEIVE that salvation.
We are brought to Christ through His grace and mercy, and we must respond with submission and humility.
These principles should flow out our lives, our relationship with in the local church. As the world touches our
community and observes our interactions, they should see these “gospel elements” flowing out.
A. Grace and Mercy:
GRACE is defined as underserved kindness.

MERCY is defined as not giving to someone what they deserve.
When God extended His redemption to us, it is not because we deserved it. He gave us what we did not
deserve and withheld what we did deserve; namely Hell. As we live out the grace that saved us in our
every day life, we do so by extending it to those in our community via our local church. Through conflicts
and differences, we find a way to give to others what they do not deserve as well as hold back what
they do deserve. Ephesians 2:8,9
B. Submission and Humility:
When we are confronted with the gospel, our self-reliance, self-dependence and our PRIDE are chal-
lenged. If we are to accept the offer of redemption, we have to let go of our trust in ourselves and
recognize what God is offering us. We can never achieve on our own. He will do for us what we can
not do for ourselves. When we are born again, redeemed by the work of Christ, we are placed into a
relationship with others that requires us to recognize our need for them in our life. As we live together in
the gospel, we demonstrate its effectiveness to take prideful people and turn them into men and
women who live in submission and humility to each other.
2. CENTRAL TO THE MATURATION OF BELIEVERS
When The first church began its existence, men and women who accepted the gospel were spiritually born
into a world where they were by far the minority. They were born into a world that was hostile to their new
beliefs, their new relationship with the creator. These new believers had an immediate need to grow in their
knowledge and understanding of what this new relationship was suppose to be like, how it was to grow,
and for what part they would be responsible.
Acts 2:41 states, “So then, those who had received his word were baptized; and that day there were added
about three thousand souls.”

Their numbers grew and so did their need to be cared for and to mature into fully developed followers of
the King of Kings. As the church has developed, there are three aspects of church life that God designed
to help the believer grow spiritually.
1. Local Church DISCIPLESHIP
2. Local Church MEMBERSHIP
3. Local Church DISCIPLINE
I. Local Church Discipleship.
The local church is given the task of discipleship. Its mission is not only to change a person’s POSITION before
God, but to change their PURPOSE in God.
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you
always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20
In the context of the local church discipleship, we find the process of taking a new believer and moving him
to become a fully devoted follower of Jesus Christ. This process celebrates the believers change in position
and gives him a new purpose.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has
come.” I Corinthians 5:17
We remember where the new believer was (dead in their sins) and celebrate the fact that he is now alive
eternally in Christ. We celebrate that this salvation, this position, is eternal and can never change.
“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:28
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that
we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
The discipleship process exists to help the new follower of Christ understand through God’s Word his new
purpose here on this earth. The local church carries upon her shoulders the responsibility of leading each
believer to grasp a clear and motivating vision for their lives as part of the local body as it reaches to impact
their community and world.
Two Types of Discipleship that should occur in the life of believers.
1. CORPORATE Discipleship:
The term, corporate, comes from the word meaning “BODY.” So corporate discipleship then, refers to when
the whole body of believers are discipled together. This usually happens on Sunday mornings when the
church members are present together.
This process imparts general Biblical knowledge to all congregants equally. It relies upon the Holy Spirit to
confront the individual. There is no personal assessments or confrontations.

Their numbers grew and so did their need to be cared for and to mature into fully developed followers of
the King of Kings. As the church has developed, there are three aspects of church life that God designed
to help the believer grow spiritually.
2. PERSONAL Discipleship:
This occurs in small groups (1-5 people). There is a higher level of INTIMACY where the one leading the
discipleship can speak into specific areas that need confrontation and growth.
Discipleship is key to the care and development of each local church member. Without it people live dis-
connected lives, keeping their sins private and their potential for grow limited.
II. Local Church Membership
Definition of Church:
From the very birth of the church in Acts 2, we see Christ’s promise to build His church take place. The word
church comes from the greek word ekklesía which refers to a people called out from the world and placed
into the family of God. The word can also be translated as congregation or assembly.
The UNIVERSAL church is made up of every person who has believed and been redeemed by the blood of
Christ, since the birth of the church in Acts 2.
The LOCAL church is made up of every believer in a specific community where they begin to fulfill their new
purpose together.
The first church began to assemble together locally to accomplish specific acts together.
“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and
the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the
apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common.” Acts 2:42-44
“The local church is the authority on earth that Jesus has instituted to officially affirm and give shape to my
Christian life and yours. The Bible establishes the local church as your highest authority on earth when it
comes to your discipleship to Christ and your citizenship in Christ’s present and promised nation.”
- Jonathan Leeman from Church Membership
When we identify with a local church through membership, we are identifying with other believers with the
purpose to build up the local body through the use of our gifts, our resources, and our lives. We are identify-
ing with them so that they will oversee our lives, so that the authority that has been given to them in Christ
can provide leadership over our own lives.
“Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of
life, and imitate their faith.” Hebrews 13:7

III. Local Church Discipline
A crucial tool within the church to help care for the church member is church discipline. When we become
part of a local body of believers, we enter into a relationship based upon a covenant that commits us to
live out our Christian testimony in such a way that we reflect in our beliefs and actions, the truth that we find
in Scriptures. When we step away from this covenant and break with the truths of Scripture, we fall under
discipline with the purpose of restoring us to a proper belief and actions that reflect the Scriptural truths to
which we have committed ourselves.
A. Two types of discipline within the local church.
1. FORMATIVE Discipline
This occurs as God’s Word is used to form us into committed followers of Jesus Christ. Our lives are
confronted and sin is dealt with through the teaching and preaching of Scriptures. (See 2 Timothy 3:16
and Hebrews 10:24-25.)
2. CORRECTIVE Discipline
This occurs when we or another believer is confronted due to a specific sin present in his life. The
person is called to repentance and holiness by the use of Scriptures. (See Matthew 18:15-17 and
1 Corinthians 5:1-11)
B. The Goal of Church Discipline
Local Church Discipline always has as its end the confrontation, repentance and RESTORATION of the
believer. As we live out our christian lives in community with other believers, we take responsibility for the
holiness of not only our personal lives, but also those who live with us within the local body of believers -
our local church.
“Active involvement in your local church is imperative to living a life without compromise. It is only through
the ministry of the local church that a believer can receive the kind of teaching, accountability, and en-
couragement that is necessary for him to stand firm in his convictions. God has ordained that the church
provide the kind of environment where an uncompromising life can thrive and His people can grow
spiritually.” - John MacArthur from Church Membership
“I know there are some who say, ‘Well, I’ve given myself to the Lord, but I don’t intend to give myself to
any church.’ I say, ‘Now why not?’ And they answer, ‘Because I can be just as good a Christian with-
out it.’ I say, ‘Are you quite clear about that? You can be as good a Christian by disobedience to your
Lord’s commands as by being obedient? There’s a brick. What is the brick made for? It’s made to build
a house. It is of no use for the brick to tell you that it’s just as good a brick while it’s kicking about on the
ground by itself, as it would be as part of a house. Actually, it’s a good-for-nothing brick. So, you rolling
stone Christians, I don’t believe that you’re answering the purpose for which Christ saved you. You’re
living contrary to the life which Christ would have you live and you are much to blame for the injury you
do.” - Charles Spurgeon

3. CENTRAL TO THE MOBILIZATION OF BELIEVERS
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit. Matthew 28:19
Once a person is redeemed, he should now to live a life that utilizes every resource and every relationship
on this earth to further the Kingdom, fulfilling the mission of God to redeem a lost world.
I. The Best Instruments are the Simple and the WEAK.
God uses the COMMON to do the UNCOMMON.
God has gifted EVERY believer, and when everyone uses his or her unique giftedness, the church is an UN-
STOPPABLE force.
“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men,
they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13
“But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to
shame the strong…” 1 Corinthians 1:27
II. The Charge of Biblical Leadership is to EQUIP and MOBILIZE.
“And He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints
for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.” Ephesians 4:11-12
Church is the best TRAINING ground for ministry.
The church needs to take the PRIMARY role in discipling and training its people to minister and lead. As such,
the church ministry will be selfsustaining and reproductive.
When Christ instructed His followers to go and make disciples, His intent was not for them to simply impart
KNOWLEDGE, but rather a total change of purpose.
God’s expectation for every believer is for them to be agents of change in his world through the use of their
God-given gifts and abilities. Leadership exists to MOBILIZE the church into action.
Example: Aquila & Priscilla
After discipling Aquila and Pricilla for a short period of time, Paul moved them into church planting ministry
in another country. This is how Paul worked, always moving men and women into ministry. (Acts 18:18-19)

Questions for Discussion:
Why would God ask a group of broken people, a church full of flawed humans to take on such a sacred
task to reach a lost world with the gospel? Couldn’t there be a better, more effective way to accomplish
this incredibly large task? We are limited by our cultures, our languages, our lack of funds. Many don’t want
to be uncomfortable. They don’t want to leave their communities or give up their families. How can God
accomplish His desire to reach a lost world with so many obstacles in the local church?
4. CENTRAL TO THE MULTIPLICATION OF CHURCHES
Introduction
Churches are to PLANT churches.
The power of the gospel extends outward from the LOCAL CHURCH. This supernatural power that results in
redeemed men and women should have as its end the formation of new local communities of believers.
The Mission
“And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail
against it.” Matthew 16:18
The plan was always to reach the world through the LOCAL church.
Understanding this helps us to see the need to ALWAYS be involved in starting new local churches all around
the world.
We see the example of this in Aquila and Priscilla.
“The churches of Asia send you greetings. Aquila and Priscilla together with the church in their house, send
you hearty greetings in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 16:19
As the gospel extended its reach around the world, it mobilized men and women as church planters. They
began to start local churches in their homes. This was a biblical pattern that is to be followed today.
“Nobody can do as much damage to the church of God as the man who is within its walls, but not within
its life.” - Charles H. Spurgeon

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35

Christian Family is a course comprised of five sections,

THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY

THE CENTRALITY OF THE LOCAL

• Appreciate the design and differences between the genders.

• Describe the priority and roles of each family member.

• Guide children in the nurture and admonition of the LORD.

• Know how to develop a proactive plan to guide children.

• Know how to respond when children get off track.

1. Attendance of course lectures

2. Completion of assigned reading

1. Complete Homework Assignments

2. Complete Final Project

3 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY

• Aenean laoreet arcu luctus erat gravida pellentesque.

The archer provides two things:

1. POWER - As parents, it is our responsibility to equip our children.

• Nulla a nibh condimentum velit tristique faucibus eget ut lorem.

Out of all our relationships, which is the most important?

- God created us to have an INTIMATE relationship with Himself.

2. The Second Relationship in Creation: SPOUSE (Genesis 2:18-25)

- God created the woman out of Adam’s own FLESH.

- Adam responded with POETRY.

- NUDITY is only appropriate within this relationship. (Intimacy)

3. The Third Relationship in Creation: CHILDREN (Genesis 4:1, 25)

- This relationship DEPENDS upon the other two.

- Children bear the IMAGE of God, just like their parents.

Are we sure that the last two aren’t switched around?

This relationship is PERMANENT.

FATHER This relationship is TEMPORARY.

5 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

- Model that relationship in front of your CHILDREN.

- Develop intimacy with them.

- Model that relationship in front of OTHER FAMILIES.

Erroneous Thought #1:

(c) It is GOD who helps us have good relationships in the family.

It’s erroneous because...

4. Ut sit amet lacus id est congue facilisis ac eget ligula.

7 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL

Does God have more value than Christ? NO.

In the eyes of the world...

2. Maecenas tristique dolor id diam tristique, non convallis diam sodales.

4. Ut sit amet lacus id est congue facilisis ac eget ligula.

8 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

2. Maecenas tristique dolor id diam tristique, non convallis diam sodales.

Principal Desire: Principal Duty:

9 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL

Principal Duty: Principal Desire:

1. In an environment of selfishness, love WANES. Selfishness is the ENEMY of love.

4. Usually, the marriage will end in DIVORCE.

10 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

...as we submit to Christ.

Principal Desire: Principal Duty:

...as Christ loved the church.

1. Christ LOVES us even when we don’t submit to Him.

2. Christ SACRIFICED HIMSELF for our benefit.

3. Christ’s love is SELFLESS, not SELFISH.

11 | THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY - LAYING THE THEOLOGICAL GROUNDWORK

1. Don’t DEMAND respect. Try to win it.

3. Don’t SURRENDER your authority to your wife.

4. VALUE your wife’s opinions as much as your own.

1. Don’t demand LOVE. Try to win it.

3. Do not UNDERMINE your husband’s authority.