Chapter 5 Writing Business Messages Solution

Writing: Communicating with Sensitivity and Tact These phrases have a softer tone:

5.15. We understand that

5.16. We do not

5.17. You overlooked, your order does not include [something]

5.18. Where you tell us

5.19. Please accept our apologies

5.20. Your application package did not contain [something]

Writing: Demonstrating the “You” Attitude These revisions reflect the reader’s viewpoint:

5.25. To ensure accurate and timely processing of your order, please use the order form on our
website. Here’s the link:

5.26. So that you can be served quickly, please bring your credit card to the store with you.

5.27. For the next week, you can receive a 25 percent discount on all our 15” LCD monitors.

5.28. Do you need a bright, capable person to handle the bookkeeping in your office? If so, please
consider me for the job. I recently earned a business degree with honors from Mira Costa College and
am eager to put my skills to work for you.

5.29. Here is the $25 refund you requested.

5.30. Learning how to use the machinery will help demonstrate your commitment to doing a good
job.

items, such as the MyTravel and Thomas Cook merger talks.

Writing: Emphasizing the Positive These revisions have a more positive slant:

5.35. So that your credit rating can be preserved, please remit your payment within 10 days.

5.36. We make refunds on merchandise that is returned in like-new condition.

5.37. We will ship your Baby Cry doll in ten days.

5.38. Please indicate the blouse color you prefer on the enclosed order form and return it to us so
that we can get your order in the mail.

5.39. The damage to your waterbed was caused by unusual conditions that are not covered by the
guarantee. However, we will be happy to send you a replacement valve for $9.50, plus postage.

Writing: Using Unbiased Language The following versions eliminate bias:

5.40. Maggie certainly is outgoing.

5.41. Using a wheelchair doesn’t affect his job performance.

5.42. Pilots must have the ability to stay calm under pressure, and they must be trained to cope with
any problem that arises.

5.43. Candidate Renata Parsons will attend the debate.

5.44. Sam Nugent is still an active sales representative.

The following versions are more concrete:

5.48. April 21

5.49. 20 percent off retail

5.50. 44 people came

The following words are shorter and simpler:

5.64. begin

5.65. end

5.66. use
 Chapter 6 Completing Business Messages Solution

Editing for Conciseness (Long Words) Here are possible revisions:

6.29. The old calculator isn’t good for solving hard problems.

6.30. The pay increases must be stopped before an unusually large debt mounts.

6.31. The executives all agreed that Ms. Jackson’s strange ways were cause for a required meeting
with the company’s personnel director.

Editing for Conciseness (Lengthy Phrases) Here are one-word replacements:

6.37. soon (or a specific date)

6.38. if

6.39. so

Editing for Conciseness (Lengthy Phrases) Here are pared-down versions:

6.47. Writing is important.

6.48. Prices are likely to increase.

6.49. We’ll decide that soon.

Editing for Clarity (Hedging) The following versions contain no hedging:

6.54. Someone has entered illegally.

6.55. Things will get better soon.

6.56. Your report shows we are losing money.

6.57. Nancy has more influence over employees in the e-marketing department.

Editing for Clarity (Parallelism) Rewritten with parallel construction, the sentences might read as follows:

6.64. Mr. Hill is expected to lecture three days a week, counsel two days a week, and write for
publication in his spare time.

6.65. She not only knows accounting but also reads Latin.

6.66. Both applicants had families, were college graduates, were in their thirties, and had
considerable experience; but they lacked social connections.

6.67. This book was exciting, well written, and interesting.

6.68. Don works hard and knows bookkeeping.

Editing for Clarity (Awkward References) Here are the variations with the awkward pointers removed:

6.69. The vice president in charge of sales is responsible for the key to 34A; the production manager is
responsible for the key to 35A.
6.70. The key to 34A belongs to the vice president in charge of sales, and the key to 35A belongs to
the production manager.

Editing for Clarity (Dangling Modifiers) These versions have the modifiers in the right places:

6.74. We left Dallas on an airplane that was full of trash and ripped-up newspapers.

6.75. Ruby saw the operations manual lying on the shelf.

6.94. Students should comment on the use of typefaces, white space, headings, and other design
elements on the Bloomberg and MarketWatch websites. They may offer various suggestions for
improving readability, including larger type size, more white space, and other ideas.